~*****~

Fear; If I could describe the one feeling in my body right now. That would be it. When John left the room, it was like his spirit was getting ready to join the afterlife. And I couldn't explain that horrible feeling in the back of my throat. A few moments later, Sam stepped into the room with John's journal. "Um, Dad wasn't in his room." Sam said softly, and moved to sit besides me.

I swallowed the tight feeling in my throat before speaking. "You- You just missed him." I admitted.

"Really?" Sam asked and looked towards the door. "What did he say?"

"He, uh, he apologized, for earlier." I commented. "We're good." Sam nodded and started fingering with journal. "Whatcha got there?"

"He left it behind, so who knows? Maybe there's something here." Sam answered, and started flipping through the pages.

I remained silent for a moment. "It's worth a try, right?" I commented in a shaky tone. I had scoured every inch of that journal already, and there was nothing about any of this kind of situation in it. Hopelessness. Another feeling.

~******~

Sam and Lottie had given me enough information to figure out what was going on. And it pissed me off. After some searching, I found Tessa in an empty hospital room, sitting in the edge of the bed. She no longer wore the usual hospital clothes, but instead, she wore a long, black dress. She was a reaper.

"Hi Dean." Tessa muttered, almost expectantly. Like she knew I was coming.

"You know, you read the most interesting things. For example, did you know reapers can alter human perception? I sure didn't." I stated bitterly, taking deliberate steps into the room, and towards her. "Basically, they can make themselves appear however they want. Like, say, uh, a pretty girl. You are much prettier than the last reaper I met."

"I was wondering when you would figure it out." Tessa sighed.

"I should have known. The whole 'accepting fate' rap of yours. It's far too laid back for a dead chick. But the mother, and the body, I'm still trying to figure that one out." I said while shaking my head.

"It's my sandbox, I can make you see whatever you want." She explained, and shrugged her shoulders.

"What, is this like a turn-on for you? What? Toying with me?" I growled.

"You didn't give me much choice. You saw my true form, and you flipped out. Kinda hurts a girl's feelings. This was the only way I could get you to talk to me." Tessa expressed.

"Okay, fine. We're talking. What the hell do you want to talk about?" I grumbled.

"How death is nothing to fear," She said softly while reaching towards me. She cupped my cheek before I could flinch away. "It's your time to go, Dean. And you're living on borrowed time already."

I pulled away from her and moved over to the window, and stared out into the night. "Look, I'm sure you've heard this before, but... you've gotta make an exception, cut me a break." I pleaded.

"Stage Three: Bargaining." Tessa commented.

"I'm serious. My family's in danger! See, we're kind of in the middle of this, um, war, and they need me." I begged and stood before her again. 

"The fight's over." Tessa said softly. Her voice was comforting, and quiet; but it only fueled my anxiety. Lottie wouldn't survive from this. She'd be broken.

"No, it isn't." I snapped as the anger came back in one rush.

"It is for you, Dean. You're not the first soldier I've plucked from the field. They all feel the same. They can't leave. Victory hangs in the balance. But they're wrong. The battle goes on without them." Tessa replied.

"My brother. Lottie. They could die without me." I protested. It was my job to protect them.

"Maybe Sam will, maybe he won't. Lottie will never die. She's not human." Tessa explained. My eyebrows shot up and I felt a certain rage build within. "But there's nothing you can do about it. It's an honorable death. A warriors death."

"I think I'll pass on the seventy-two virgins, thanks. I'm not into prude chicks anyway." I smriked.

"Carlotta was a virgin. And you're into her." Tessa stated. I tensed up a little, and she seemed to pick up on my anger. "That's funny. You're very cute."

"There's no such thing as an honorable death. My corpse is going to rot in the ground and my family is going to die! No. I'm not going with you. I don't care what you do!" I growled.

"Well, like you said. There's always a choice. I can't make you come with me. But you're not getting back in your body. Carlotta can't even heal you to bring you back." Tessa explained. "So yes, you can stay. But you'll stay here for years. Disembodied, scared, and over the decades, it'll probably drive you mad. Maybe, you'll get violent."

"What are you saying?"

"Dean. How do you think angry spirits are born? They can't let go and they can't move on. And you're about to become one. The same thing you hunt." Tessa warned. I slowly lowed myself onto the bed, and let the news sink in. I would become a ghost, I'd probably start hurting people until some hunters came and took me out. Maybe those hunters would be Sam and Lottie. I ran my hand through my hair, and the desperation shot through me. "It's time to put the pain behind you."

"And go where?" I asked unsurly.

"Sorry. I can't give away the big punchline. Moment of truth, no changing your mind later. So, what's it going to be?"

"Can I say goodbye? I can't just leave her with nothing."

Tessa looked at me sadly, her hand resting on my shoulder before giving me a small nod. I stood from the bed, and set out to find her. Lottie sat on the edge of the bed as a doctor hurried out of the room. Tears ran down her cheeks as she sniffled softly before going back to doting on me. "Hey, uh... Dean... If you're in here... then I guess you heard the news...." She started softly. I went over to her, and took a seat besides her as she completely broke down. "I uh, I guess I should start out with, uh... I was pregnant." It was like the air had swept out from under me. The thought of a new life brewing within her, something spawned from our connection, and our love.

"Was?" I muttered, and my heart dropped.

"That, uh... the car wreck. It didn't stand a chance.... Only twelve weeks, you know..." She chuckled again and started sobbing heavily. "I'm sorry, Dean.... I'm so sorry- I didn't mean for any of this to happen... If I had stopped him- If I wouldn't have been so useless, then maybe you would still be here! Maybe I'd be in the bed instead of you! And this stupid war could be finished!"

In a moment of panic, I quickly wrapped my arms around her, and she froze. She let out a soft breath as I pressed a kiss to her head. "I don't care about that, baby. You; you're my life. I love you so much, and I know you love me. But my time is done, baby. I don't want you to live alone for the rest of you life. I know this'll break you, but believe me, I want you to move on, and find someone else who'll love you as much, or even more than I did." I explained in a hushed tone. She kept still and lifted her head. It would seem like she had seen me, but her eyes filled with tears again. "Keep fighting, alright?" I whispered and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. I released her, and she just gazed out into the empty room with an exhausted expression and lay her palm over the flat plane of her stomach. I wandered out as she started to sob again.

Tessa was still in the room I left her in. She was sitting on the bed against the wall as I entered. Her face was contorted with sympathy.

"If it's any consolation, I'm sorry." She said softly. "The life she was carrying is already being reborn, just not to the two of you."

"Gee, thanks." I laughed, the hollow feeling carving into my chest. "I don't think they're gonna be okay when I leave."

"Sam and Carlotta are fighters. They'll find a way to move on." She expressed, and stood up. "Maybe with each other." She cooed.

"That's not at all comforting." I snapped.

"It wasn't supposed to be. It's only the truth. Maybe it will help you if I say that they will miss you. But they will find a way to cope." Tessa tilted her head. "Sam will go back to college, Carlotta will continue hunting, she'll find someone new, or even be with Sam. She'll be loved and in turn, your brother will be loved as well. She'll be taken care of, and that's all you wanted for her, isn't it?"

"That's so not helping."

"It wasn't supposed to help." She stated, making me look up. Suddenly, the lights started to flicker. A subtle buzz flew through the room.

"What are you doing that for?" I asked in a panic.

"I'm not doing it!" Tessa replied in confusion. We both turned as something black started seeping through the vent, and crawled towards Tessa.

"You can't do this! Get away!" Tessa screamed.

"What's happening?!" I yelled and took a step back. The smoke burst upwards, and entered Tessa's body. I watched in confusion until it stopped.

Tessa spun around, her eyes a bright yellow. "Today's you're lucky day, kid!" Before I could react, her hand slammed on my forehead, and everything went black.

~*****~

I gazed at his still figure numbly. The only pain I felt at the moment, were in my eyes from the excessive sobbing. Dean's monitors remained the same, and he was still asleep. I placed my hands over my eyes and leaned my head backwards as I tried to alleviate the pain radiating from. A soft groan had me lurching forward in shock. Dean's head was moving around, and his eyes fluttered open. I let out gasp of shock. "Dean?!" I yelped and cupped his face. He stared up at me, his eyes showing relief. He started feeling around his face and on the tubes. "Hold on, don't touch anything! Let me get a doctor, okay?" I urged gently and quickly rushed out of the room. "He's awake! Get a doctor! Hurry!" I urged as I stepped out. Everything went in panic as they ran into the room, and shoved me out. "Hey!"

After the chaos died down, I was currently balled up on Dean's chest, listening to his strong heart beat. "So, you really don't remember anything?" Sam asked.

Dean shook his head as he ran his hands over my back. "No, except this pit in my stomach. Guys, somethings wrong."

A knock echoed from the threshold, and we all turned towards the door. John entered the room with a small smile on his face. "How are you feelin' dude?"

"I got a beautiful dame in my lap, so I'd say pretty awesome." Dean replied with a smirk on his face.

"That's all that matters." John sighed and nodding his head slightly.

"Where were you last night?" Sam asked with an angry tone.

"I had some things to take care of." John replied vaguely.

"Well, that's specific." Sam scoffed.

"Came on, Sam." Dean pleaded, looking up at his brother.

"Did you go after the demon?" Sam questioned, ignoring Dean's pleads. I buried my forehead into the crook of his neck as the possibility dawned on me. Dean's unexpected survival wasn't possible. Tears burned in my eyes.

"No." John replied.

"You know, why don't I believe you right now?" Sam snapped. Dean heaved out a sigh of annoyance.

"Can we not fight?" John pleaded. I popped my head up in surprise. "You know, half the time, we're fighting. I don't know what we're fighting about. We're just butting heads, Sammy. I- I've made some mistakes. But I've always done the best I could. I just don't wanna fight anymore."

"Dad, are you alright?" Sam asked, concern flitting over his face. I gazed at the man I call my father curiously. Something changed within him. Something that sent every nerve firing in my gut.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm just a bit tired." John assured him. "Hey, son, would you, uh, would you mind getting me a cup of caffeine?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sure. You wanna come Lottie? Dean needs to relax a little." Sam explained softly as he layed a soft hand on my back. I nodded and sat up to follow him out. A cold feeling breezed over my neck as I passed by John.

We stopped at the newly repaired coffee machine, and gazed at the cups we set up to be filled. "So, uh... what are you going to tell Dean?" Sam asked after a moment of silence.

I looked up at him, and felt my emotions sky rocket again. I shook my head and pressed my hand against my temple. "I thought... that if he heard it before he- he woke up... He may remember, but.... It's going to be... ten times harder...." I mentioned. I hadn't even realized my hand moved to slowly rub my lower stomach. "I didn't even know about it.... And the doctor... he said I had- had a miscarriage.... I didn't think... I mean, we were always... careful... God, Sam, what have I done?"

"Lottie- You didn't do anything, okay? You didn't know. These things... they happen. Especially in our line of work." Sam pulled me into a tight embrace as I sobbed into his chest. "Come on. They're waiting on us, okay?" I nodded with a heavy sigh and let him grasp my hand and lead me back. I halted outside of John's room, and gazed inwards. The fear was creeping up my back.

"John?" I called softly as I freed myself from Sam's grip, and placed my coffee on the bedside table. I knelt down and started shaking him. "John? John, wake up. John! John!?" I started to shout. "Sam! Sam- he's not breathing!" I yelp hysterically. "Help! I need some help!" I screamed louder and louder. "Please! Someone help!" Everything blurred together as doctors and nurses rushed in; I was vaguely aware how much I had been screaming for John to wake up. Sam just held onto me as I screamed and screamed. And it felt as if something broke within. And in that moment, I wasn't in the hospital anymore. It was quiet. And serene. It was a large field of tall grass, spanning farther than the eye could see.....