| Ricky's POV |

It was Christmas Eve, and thankfully I had almost recovered. I still didn't want to eat too much, but it didn't hurt anymore. Chris has been so amazing with taking care of me. He doesn't know I've been sneaking smokes though. I go out on the patio while he's watching the game or writing. Then I take a shower as soon as I come in. Yeah, it's freezing outside and a lot of work to do that, but I just can't stop. 

How did Devin do it? He managed to quit instantly. I don't want it to take me the extremes it took him to quit. I plan on quitting, just slowly. Hopefully Chris doesn't catch me before then. I keep thinking I can give it up, then  I smoke one more time, swearing it'll be the last time. It's harder than I ever thought. Maybe Devin can help me figure out a way to quit.

I had just gotten out of the shower when I heard a knock at the door. Chris must've opened it. Fuck, I forgot Devin was stopping by. I hurried to find some jeans and pulled them on, not even bothering with a shirt. I was still drying my hair with the towel while I walked out of the bedroom to find them. First I threw the towel in the laundry room as I passed it. 

As I came out into the kitchen, I was shocked to realize Devin was not the only one here. I thought he would've left Shiloh and Bella at home to enjoy their Christmas Eve! Devin shook his head at me and threw me a shirt. Looking down at it, I saw it was a Worndoll shirt, but I hadn't recognized it. 

"That's one of the new designs for next year. I thought I'd bring it by the show you. It's a good thing I did because it looks like you could use it." He chuckled.

"Sorry. I just got out of the shower and I thought it was just you stopping by." I replied, "But it's good to see all of you."

Shiloh came over and hugged me, "It's good to see you back on your feet."

"Thank you. I was afraid I'd be in a hospital bed by Christmas." I said. 

"You'd have to let me take you to a hospital. It took me forever to convince you to go to the doctor." Chris stated, totally ratting me out. Well, it isn't really much of a secret that I hate the doctors. 

I crossed my arms, "Anyways, I see you brought food. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome. I brought a little bit of everything. There's some stroganoff, chicken, jello salad. You better actually eat it." Devin teased me. 

"I'm trying my best." I smiled. Then I leaned down to Bella's level, "And how's my favorite girl?"

She let go of Shiloh's hand to come over to me, "I lost my first tooth!" 

"Oh really?" I beamed as she showed me the gap in her teeth.

"The tooth fairy didn't short you, did she?" Chris joked and eyed Devin. 

Dev laughed, "Tooth fairy gave her more for one tooth than I got for my whole mouth growing up."

Shiloh huffed like a true wife, "Well, perhaps the tooth fairy is a little more generous than she used to be."

They bicker sometimes like they've been married twenty years. They're still one of the strongest couples I've ever met. I wonder if I could ever deal with the whole tooth fairy and santa shit? I'm decent with is around Bella, but I couldn't picture doing that with kids twenty-four/seven. Who knows. Devin's told me that life changes when you have children.

"Where are you guys going after this?" Chris asked.

"Pick up a ham for Christmas dinner, then home." Devin responded, "Is there anything else you guys need before we leave?"

I sighed, "Yeah, actually. Would you mind talking to me in private?"

"Sure." 

Devin followed me back to the bedroom. Chris seemed weirded out by it but went with it. He told Shiloh to sit down and he'd make some hot chocolate while they wait on Devin and I. This gave me Deja Vu, to when Shiloh was missing. The difference is I'm the only crying here. 

I sat on the bed with a heavy sigh. Devin sat down next to me and put his arm around my back, "What's wrong, Sweetie?" 

"This whole thing... The cancer scare, it hurt Chris really bad. He asked me to finally quit smoking and I told him I will, but I just can't. I've tried so hard and I can't do it." I whined. I'm so pathetic and I'm sure he thought so.

"Oh, Ricky. Don't say you can't. You don't want to, but that doesn't mean you can't quit. It was really hard for me too and there were a few times I thought I couldn't do it. You can though, and I really hope you do. I don't want you getting cancer or any other health condition." He said. 

I took a few heavy breaths, "How did you quit?"

"It's going to sound weird." He laughed, "Every time I wanted a smoke, I would chew on a cinnamon stick." 

I looked over at him oddly, "That actually worked?"

"For me, it did. My grandma told me that's how she quit so it worked for her too. I'm here to help if you need me. Anytime you want a smoke, just call me and I'll talk you out of it." Devin smiled. 

I smiled back to thank him. I'm not sure if any words could help. Maybe his cinnamon sticks trick would work. Fuck, I hope I can find the will to stop. It's the only escape I have.