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If you haven't read Chapter 42, read it first

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Raj

I remember the young Thooriga running away from my sight when I used to catch her watching me. Those two years was a torture for me. Initially, I couldn't understand why she was behaving like that and when I did, I tried my best to stay away from her.

Male : Adiyae neethaaanadi

Enn bothai thaenae

Mutham konju

She was my kitty cat, my happiness, my living force but I had to stay away from her for her own good. It killed me to know she is crushing on me and I was clueless on how to handle it.

Sagiyae neeyaaradi

Kai theendum pournami

Konjam nillu

That actually became a stress for me and I started hooking up a lot. I never hid the devil inside me from her and I openly gawked at outside women with lustrous eyes in front of her for her to change her mind.

Pennae pennae

Undhan kayyil naanum

Koodum neram

Enna vittu chellaadhae

I knew it could hurt her but that was the only way I could change her idea. Even when she was a very young girl, she was stubborn with her feelings and till now I don't understand what made her trust me.

Kannae kannae

Neelum kaalam vendum

Vaaraayo arugilae

"You used to get jealous of women, I hooked up but why didn't you change your feelings even after seeing the womaniser side of me?"

Poovae kaadhal pookkum poovae

Saaral veesa eeraam

Ennai konjum mazhaiyil unn vaasam

She turns in my arms, "I don't know but I was able to somehow guess you were purposely doing it. Also you never touched me in a bad way. So I was confident that you are a good person."

Kenjum nenjam unnai kenjum

Pularum kaalai vendaam

Iravin kulirae ennai kollaadhae

I could never imagine touching any child or uninterested woman in a bad way. I never thought she would have noticed this at such a young age.

"Thanks." The word spilled from my lips before I realised why.

"Why?" She looks up at me.

"Seeing the good in me, the world has just judged me from one side but you have noticed me to this level at that young age." I touch my forehead with hers.

"Ena ennakku good touch bad touch kathu kodutha varu appadi." I lean back and look at her surprised. (It's because of the person who taught me good touch bad touch.)

How does she remember this?

After the incident with me, before leaving for college, I taught her good touch and bad touch. She was five and a crying mess knowing that I may not return back to the estate. Chandrika Akka let Thooriga sleep with me that night and suddenly the thought of teaching her about it came to my mind. I taught her about private parts and advised her not to let anyone touch her especially there. She not only remembered that I was the one who taught her but used it to judge me properly.

"Nowadays, that person touches me only in a bad way" she draws circles on my chest over my sweatshirt, "but they feel so good."

Iravugal neela

Imaigalum mooda

Idaiveli yaeno kanmaniyae

I bend to kiss her neck and she throws her head back. "Because, that person couldn't see the shyness in you and you were so casually naked around him."

Yugangalai thaandi

Viralgalai pootti

Muthangalai thinbom adiyae

I lifted her to make her sit on the granite counter and pepper kissed her neck. "I just didn't show it on my face but internally I do feel shy."

Saalarathin velichathilae

Arumbugiren

I insert my right hand into her top and cup her breast circling her hardened nipples. All these days, I was thinking it's her horniness that her body reacts when she is naked in front of me.

Mei kadalil alaigalilae

Suzhaluthae kavizhuthae

Manam adhuvae

But now learning it's also because of her shyness is driving me crazy. I move, kissing up her jawline and nib at her earlobe.

Adiyae neethaaanadi

Enn bothai thaenae

Mutham konju

Thooriga moans,"Hereon don't hide your shyness."

Sagiyae neeyaaradi

Kai theendum pournami

Konjam nillu

She hugs me back, wrapping her legs around me and kisses my neck.

Chorus : Pennae pennae

Male : Undhan kayyil naanum

"Make me unhide it, Mama."

Chorus : Koodum neram

Male : Enna vittu chellaadhae

She pulls my sweatshirt off and runs her fingers down my torso.

Chorus : Kannae kannae

Male : Neelum kaalam vendum

Vaaraayo arugilae

I check the oven and there is still ten minutes for the lasagna to get baked fully.

Chorus : Poovae kaadhal pookkum poovae

Saaral veesa eeraam

Ennai konjum mazhaiyil unn vaasam

Though it kills me to move away from her, I do and she gives me a disappointed look.

Chorus : Kenjum nenjam unnai kenjum

Pularum kaalai vendaam

Iravin kulirae ennai kollaadhae

We both breathe heavily, "Look around the house, Kitty. I will finish arranging dinner."

Chorus : Poovae kaadhal pookkum poovae

Saaral veesa eeraam

Ennai konjum mazhaiyil unn vaasam

She jumps down off the counter, adjusting her dress, and she walks past me fastly, "If you need to use the washroom, use it."

Chorus : Kenjum nenjam unnai kenjum

Pularum kaalai vendaam

Male : Iravin kulirae ennai kollaadhae

Once she disappears upstairs, I move fastly and wheels out the two portable floor level iron cot with cushion beds from the store room into the backyard, followed by pillows, a portable dining table and some wood with an axe. When she is not ready to come down, I take out the gift for her and put it into another bag for her surprise, bring it out and hide it behind a tree. I lock the back door from outside, spread the bed and set up the dining table. I start cutting the woods into small pieces.

After a while, the window near the dining table opens and Thooriga looks at me. I place myself in front of her blocking her view behind me. She looks me up and down, when I realise that in the urgency to move things out, I forgot to wear my sweatshirt and left it back on the kitchen floor. I lift the axe and snap a wood vertically into two pieces, flexing my muscles to tease her.

"Kaattuvasi kaattuvasi" She sings along with the song, "Pachaiyaga kadiyaa" watching me seductively, "Muthaththalae vega vechu... Singapallil uriya."

I take another piece of wood and do the same, "Malapambu pola vandhu ... Maankuttiya pudiyya.. Sukkumilagu thatti enna... Souppu vacchu kudiyya." I bit my cheeks controlling my blush.

Ohh God, only this girl has the power to make me blush at the age of thirty five and in the thirty five years of my life.

"Bake agiducha?" She rolls her eyes before looking behind her in the kitchen and nods at me. "Casserole ah konjam unwrap panitu thirumba oru five minutes ku bake pannu." She leans away from the window and moves to the kitchen, "Oven mitts use pannu sutududa poguthu." I peek through the window and find her wearing oven mitts before opening the oven. (Is the baking over? Unwrap the casserole halfway and bake it for another five minutes. Use oven mitts and don't burn your hands.)

I have already brought out the plates, cutleries, wine, flutes and hot box with pasta. I pick the wooden pieces and drop them between the bed and dining table. I kept half aside and lit the half. I walk back into the house and the echo system is still going on. I find Thooriga leaning against the dining table and checking her mobile.

I place the axe in the store room and walk into the kitchen to find my sweatshirt nowhere on the ground. I turn to look at Thooriga and she lifts her eyebrows enquiring me.

Female : Oru pennaaga unmel naanae

Peraasai konden

Unnai munnalae paarkkum podhu

Pesamal nindren

I don't ask her as I realise she has hidden my sweatshirt somewhere. There are still two minutes for the Lasagna to completely get baked.

Edharkaaga unnai edhirpaarkiren

Enakullae naanum dhinam ketkiren

"I'll be back after washing my hands." She nods at me and I walk to the bathroom on the ground floor next to the kitchen.

Inimel naanae neeyaanen

Ivan pinnalae povenae

You want me shirtless? Fine baby, enjoy your night.

Thooriga

I turn and lean my hands on the chair releasing the breath I was holding.

Ini neeyum naanum ondraai

Serndhal kadhal irandu ezhuthu

Raj looked so hot covered with sweat and shirtless.

Female : Vinmeen vidhaiyil nilavaai mulaithen

I was a hell lot angry at him when he stopped what he started.

Male : Penmeen vizhiyil enayae tholaithen

I was on the first floor when I heard the sound and came down to check.

Female : Mazhayin isai kettu

Maralae thalaiyattu

He was nowhere to be found and the back door was locked outside.

Male : Malalai mozhi pola

Manadhil oru paattu

I opened the window to find him shirtless and chopping wood like a lumberjack.

Male and Female : Ini neeyum naanum ondraai

The sweat was dripping down his body making me thirsty.

Sernthal kadhal irandu ezhuthu

But he sent me to check on the lasagna where I found his sweatshirt still laying on the floor.

Vinmeen vidhaiyil nilavaai mulaithen

I got an idea and after placing the casserole back into the oven, I took his sweatshirt and kept it inside his backpack.

Penmeen vizhiyil enayae tholaithen

But what I found inside his backpack just flabbergasted me. What is he planning with that?

Raj walks out the bathroom and the oven dings at the same time indicating the Lasagna is baked. A water dripping sound with music starts for the Kaatukule song. He takes out the choco lava muffins from the fridge and replaces it with the casserole in the oven.

Male:Kaatrukkullae vaasam pola

Vandhaai enakkul nee

He doesn't talk with me but takes his phone and inserts it in his back pockets.

Kattukkullae mazhayai polae

Ada unakkul naan

He looks around the kitchen and checks whether he has turned off the stove.

Maraadhae.... mannoodu endrumae

Mazhai vaasam..... nenjodu unnaipoll

The oven dings and he removes the muffins from it.

Theeradhaeee.... kannodu engumae

Uyireeram ... epodhum ennai pol.. ennai pol

"Echo system eduthuko," He finally speaks with me, nope, orders me. (Get the echo system.)

Nadu kaatril thanimai vandhadhae

Azhagiya aasai unarvu than

"Open the door," I do and stand at the way awestruck.

Ulagam maruthae ..

Uyir sugam thedudhae

Raj walks past me and I follow him, closing the door behind me, taking in the vision in front of me.

Nadu kaatril thanimai vandhadhae

Azhagiya aasai unarvu than

There is a stream running in the backyard, some fifty metres away from the cabin house with a small arch bridge to cross over it.

Ulagam maruthae ..

Uyir sugam thedudhae

A serial light covered with plastic tubes is linked around four trees forming a square from ten feet above the ground level.

Ilam veyil thodaamal pookal

Mottaga yengum penn kaadu

Three sets of serial light strings connected across it forming a grid lighting the entire place.

Pudhu vergal kai seerthu

Pachai neer korthu soozhum egandham nee

Raj has arranged a queen sized bed and set up the dining table below it.

Ilam veyil thodaamal pookal

Mottaga yengum penn kaadu

My view gets blocked and I realise Raj is standing in front of me.

Pudhu vergal kai seerthu

Pachai neer korthu soozhum egandham nee

"Sapda vara idea iruka ilaiya?" He wraps his hands around me. (Are you planning to have dinner or not?)

I peck on his lips, raising on my tiptoes. He holds my hand and takes me to the dining table. He has already served the pasta and lasagna on the plate and the flute is filled with white wine. We sit opposite to each other and start digging in.

"Ippo puriyuthu nee ethukku stop panite iruntha nu." I sip the wine. (Now I understand why you were stopping yourself.)

Kadal kaatril idhayam thottadhae

Adhil undan peyarai azhuthi cholludhae

"Sonna Mathiri, I wanted to make it special for you," I smiled at him. (As I said.)

Alai madi neeludhae

Adhil unnai yendhudhae

"Sorry, I should have let you finish that day, unnecessarily we went through hurt."

Kadal kaatril idhayam thottadhae

Adhil undan peyarai azhuthi cholludhae

"It's okay, Mama. If you are going to apologise like this. We can fight a lot."

Alai madi neeludhae

Adhil unnai yendhudhae

He stops eating, "I don't want to take you for granted."

Thangaadhaee.. thagangal manillae

Un moochil... ushnangal thaakudhae

"I almost died earlier thinking something might happen to you."

Neengaadhae... niram mattram endrumae

Un dhegham....aadaigal porthuthae..porthuthae

"Sorry, Mama, the mistake is on my side too. I shouldn't have faked my back sprain."

He smiles back at me, "Okay, finish fast, I have more plans for you."

We both eat in silence as the song ends and Raj stops the music. "Ennaku inga romba pudichu irukku," I understand that his actions are based on his plan and I don't ask him about it. (I like this place very much.)

"Athukku thaan intha place suggest pannen avanukku." He looks at the stream. (That's why I suggested this place for him.)

Without the music, I could hear the sound of nature. The sound of the water running in the stream. The sound of the mild blowing cold air. The sound of night birds and insects.

"Aama, suthi compound wall irukke appuram eppadi stream flow aguthu?" He looks at me and shakes his head in disbelief. (By the way, how is the stream flowing inside the compound?)

"Always curious, Kitty. We have fixed an illusionary wall at both the sides of the compound reaching down into the bed of the stream. Anyone who sees from outside will think it's a wall but it's actually a fine pore filter through which water alone passes through it filtering any dirt and blocking snakes. We have a housekeeper appointed for it. I bring him with me on weekends, he cleans the house and any blockage on the other side of the compound wall. Shall we resume eating?" I blink my eyes as I realise that even I have stopped eating and listening to him in awe.

"Mama, enna inga appo appo kootitu variya?" He looks up at me and nods affirmatively. (Can you bring me here often?)

"Athuka thaane intha place vangunathu, Siva family ooda yearly once than varuvan Chennai la irunthu. His solace is in his arms, so he doesn't get depressed anymore." (That was the purpose for us to buy this place. Sive only visits here once in the year from Chennai.)

I smile at him, remembering the way Siva looked at Ashwika. His eyes always spoke love and admiration for her. It was as if I'm watching twelve and a half hours of a beautiful romantic movie. They sort of gave me the trust to believe in the universe and wait for Raj. And here I'm waiting for him to say those words out which he has said thinking I have slept.

"They are very cute together, Mama. No evil eyes."

He smiles, "I know right, their love story is a never ending fairy tale."

We finished eating the pasta and lasagna. I take the muffin and cut through it. "You keep eating, I'll be back in a minute." Raj gets up and goes behind a tree. I eat the muffin and keep watching him. He crouches behind the tree and places a dark object on the ground. With the bed and tree, I couldn't make it clearly. I finish the muffin, place the plate on the table and Raj walks out from behind the tree.

I gape looking at him, finding a guitar in his hand. "When you sang while we were riding on the horse, I added this to the plan." I closed my mouth in surprise. "That's why I keep stopping you from singing. I know you were the lead singer in your University band and I wanted to hear you sing your song." My eyes well as he gives the guitar to me. "It's Siva's guitar, handle carefully, he will kill me if anything happens to it."

"Mama, I know how to play a guitar."

"I too know that you can play," I adjust the string and he sits opposite to me turning off the lights using his mobile, leaving us engulfed in the light of stars and flames from the campfire.

When he wants to admire an art of mine, why shouldn't I?

"Naan padanum na, nee oru kavitha solanum." He stops the spoon with muffin halfway to his mouth. (You need to say a poem, if you want me to sing.)

"Naan ezhuthi romba years aguthu," I shake my head in a negative and try to place the guitar on the dining table. "Okay, first nee paadu nee song mudikkum pothu naan kavithai soldren." (It's been ages since I wrote any. Fine, first you sing and when you finish the song I will recite a poem.)

"Ennaku intha dealing pudichirukku." I play the initial strings before I start singing. (I like this way of dealing.)

Un Raatchasi Sirikkiraa

Un Kadhalai Rasikkiraa

Raj looks up at me from his muffin.

Un Kannila Irukkiraa

Un Koodave Nadakkiraa

He keeps eating but his eyes never leave me and I follow suit.

Saaralaa Nee Thotta Pothu

Nenjam Sonnathae

Nee Sontham Entru

Thooralaai Peranpai Kotti

Muththam Thanthathae

The shadow of the flames from the campfire dances on his face making him look more handsome.

Thallaadi Pogum Podhu

Un Anbil Thaangum Podhu

Santhosham Nooraagum En Nenjile

Unnodu Serum Podhu

Kai Korthu Pogum Podhu

Nee Illai Naan Illaiyae

Theeraatha Kaadhalae

I play the notes between the lyrics.

There was a Tamil band in our university. I wanted to join it as soon as I joined the university but the lead singers' slot was filled by Vikranth and another tamil girl. I got the opportunity when they passed out of the university and this was my first song. When I first read the lyrics of the song, it was Raj who came to my mind and I sang thinking of him.

Kannadi Kannala Nee Pesura

Un Jodi En Nenja Lesaakkura

And now Raj looks at me the way Siva looked at Ashwika.

Aaththaadi Peranbil Thaalaattura

Orr Kodi Muththangal Nee Veesura

Kaaththodu Kaathaaga

Nee Pesum Pechu

Moochodu Moochaaga

Thee Mootti Pochu

Nethodu Nethaaga

Yethedho Aachu

Nee Illai Naan Illaiyae

Theeraatha Kaadhalae

Saralaa Nee Thotta Pothu

Nenjam Sonnathae

Nee Sontham Entru

Thooralaai Peranpai Kotti

Muththam Thanthathae

I finish the song and place the guitar on the table. Raj walks up to me and I stand, he cups my face and kisses me. I open my mouth and let him kiss me as his kiss speaks volumes more than his words. It's the language that only we both understand. I taste salt before we break the kiss and he leans his head against me.

I find the tears strain on his face and realise it's not me who was crying but him. "Pardon me if my poem is not upto your mark. It's been long and I lost touch,

Un Vizhigalil Vidiyal Tharum En Kathiravale

Un Ithazhgalin Siripil Ennai Kollum Kolyaliye

Un Karkuzhal kaatil tholanthu poogum thisai aaven

Un marbaga malaiyil marainthu pogum kaatru aaven

En karum vellai vazhvil vannam theeta vantha Thoorigaiye,

En Irulili konda idhaiyathil oli veesa vantha Ka..." He stops and I look at him to finish the word, "Katchigaiye"

"I'll be back in a couple of minutes." He collects the plate and wine bottle and walks into the house. I sit on the chair feeling dejected.

In my song I have said my love for him when the fuck he is going to say it.

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Stay tuned for more updates before the special day ends

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