Rogers P.O.V.

He looked at me with a deadly glare, "Did he really?" He asked with the most unimpressed voice and flat tone.

I nodded my head indefinitely, "Yes. He did. Now if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to go to sleep." I snapped, attempting to push open the door and shove my case in.

"Go on, Roger. Go and have a nice, peaceful, thoughtless sleep. Because that's far from what he's having in there." He pointed to the room in which John was in and I rolled my eyes, "I don't even know how you can live with yourself. That in there, in case you've forgotten, is your fucking boyfriend. The one who you're supposed to love. I wouldn't call this love." He snarled.

"Don't talk to me about love, Freddie. You don't even know what love feels like, you can't keep anyone down for long enough to fall in love with them so don't fucking preach to me about what love is." I turned away from him.

"I would say that I know what it feels like. I do now." He stared at me coldly.

"How cute. You love the guitarist who you can't even bring yourself to fuck yet. Sweet." I taunted, I knew I was going too far, I knew I was on the verge of not only falling out with my boyfriend, but also one of my best friends too.

He stepped closer so his face was in mine, his dark brown eyes had an angry fire in them as he stared at me with clenched teeth, "Because, if there is one lesson that I have learnt, Roger, it's that lust, feels a hell of a lot fucking different than love. Just like you should learn that revenge, isn't always the answer. Just because somebody hurt you, doesn't mean you have to hurt them back, you'll loose him, you know. He'll wave goodbye to you faster than you can pull your head out of your arse...he'll be gone and only then will you realise how special he is and how much of a fool you've been." He spat.

I rolled my eyes at him again, dramatically, even though, deep down, I knew he was right, I didn't want to loose John, and I was going the right way to do so.

He turned on his heel and strode over to his and Brian's room, "I hope your fucking nightmares keep you awake." He hissed with hatred in his eyes, shaking his head at me disappointingly before finally disappearing into his room.

I turned my head away from the door he'd vanished through sharply and growled under my breath, shoving my case into my room angrily, kicking it hard and knocking it over, slamming the door behind me, not caring how loud it banged and not caring who I woke up.

"Cunt." I hissed under my breath, aiming the expletive at Freddie. Why was he taking Johns side? It's him whose been lying and making up stories that aren't true, not me, I haven't done anything! Everybody gangs up on me and tries to make me out as the guilty one...when most of the time it isn't even me.

I threw my case onto my lonely, empty bed and opened it, trying to find something more comfortable to wear but really not having the patience to do it nicely, I pulled out a jumper and pushed the case off my bed, watching the contents of it spill all over the floor.

I was so fucking angry. I needed to pick something up and throw it, punch somebody in the face...or fuck somebody.

Well John won't want to touch me, no use in trying it on with him. I knew of one person who would be willing though...

And then I made myself shudder. How could I? How could I let myself think like that? Let myself think that if I could find Patrick, he'd probably let me fuck him. How low I was. My boyfriend was in the room opposite me yet here I was, standing in the middle of this room all by myself, clutching a jumper, thinking about cheating on him.

I couldn't do that...and I wouldn't. I got myself in such a tangle when Becky kissed me, I thought I was the worst person in the world. And now I'm finding myself wanting do to something worse...with another man.

Another man who John seems to hate for some reason. Maybe he was telling the truth? Maybe Patrick really was awful to him? But I wouldn't believe it until I see it with my own eyes.

I'd ruined everything. If I'd have just had the balls to ask John myself about Patrick without wanting Freddie to do it for me...maybe things would be all okay, maybe I would have believed Deaky, hearing it first from his lips.

None of the boys could stand being around me, I knew that. But I wasn't giving up Patrick. Even if it meant loosing Brian, loosing Freddie and even, stupidly, loosing John. I didn't know why I was thinking like that, I would give up anything if it meant keeping John...why couldn't I give up Patrick? The one who'd started all this in the first place and whom I didn't even really know?

I slumped on my bed and started to stare up at the ceiling, wanting to turn my head and see a cutely sleeping John laid next to me, but that was wishful thinking, I wanted him here but yet I found myself not liking him at the moment.

And no doubt he hated me.

Freddie was right, there was no way I would be sleeping tonight, and even if I did manage to drop off, it would be troubled, I'd either dream about it or keep waking up, forgetting all this happened and then it would all come flooding back.

Would we bounce back from this? Me and John? Would we ever be the same? I wasn't so sure anymore. And that was heartbreaking. I'd thrown everything away.

I felt numb, hollow...not enough energy to get up off the bed and drag myself to the shower...

I thought about Patrick and a sudden tinge of dread took me over...had I really made the right decision of hiring him as my personal assistant? All the guys hated him already and it would make John really uncomfortable...which was making me feel like Deaky was telling the truth and Patrick had been horrible to him...but I still couldn't see it. Maybe I was in denial? That I had only seen the lovely, friendly side of Patrick so far...or because I didn't want anyone to have touched Deaky before me, especially not a man...I wanted to be the only one.

I didn't know what to think and I didn't know what to do.

I jumped suddenly when there was a knock on my door, I didn't know if I should answer it or not, it was the early hours of the morning, it made me suspicious about who it was.

Could it be John? Wanting to talk about things?

What if it was Patrick?

I padded over to the door quietly, looking through the small peep hole and wanting to throw myself out of the window when I saw it was an irritated looking Freddie on the other side.

I didn't want to answer the door to him, I couldn't be arsed with listening to his preaching, making himself out to be the best boyfriend in the world when I wouldn't be fucking surprised if he was to cheat on Brian with a hoover if he had the opportunity.

"Open the fucking door, Roger." He growled.

I sighed in annoyance and flung it open, "What?" I asked, unimpressed. I could be just as much as an arsehole as he could be.

He walked straight into my room and I had no choice but to roll my eyes and shut the door behind him, turning around, huffing and leaning against a wall arrogantly.

"Wipe that smirk off your face." He glared at me.

"What do you want, Freddie?" I asked, flatly.

"I want you to leave." He shrugged, looking down at his fingers whilst pacing the width of my room.

My eyes suddenly widened and my heart began to beat hard, "Wh...what?" I asked, looking at him like he was crazy.

"Yeah." He said quietly, his anger seeming to have fizzled out now, it being replaced by sadness.

"What do you mean, leave?" I stepped closer to him now, he glanced at me for a split second, but it was like he couldn't look at me.

"I mean leave, Roger. Go away. Get yourself and your head sorted out. You're obviously not thinking straight. I don't...I don't mean for good, just for tonight. And maybe don't come to rehearsals tomorrow, I just think it would be for the best and -"

I cut him off, outraged, "Freddie?! What the fuck are you talking about?! I'm not going anywhere, you need me here." I kept stepping closer and closer to him.

"We don't need you. We'll be fine without you for one rehearsal...you're just not good for us right now." I could tell it hurt him to say these words, but I could also tell he knew it would be for the best. And so did I, if I was to go to the rehearsal tomorrow, things would kick off again, I knew it would. But to hear it come from Fred's mouth, that they didn't want me to attend and they didn't need me, hurt a lot.

I stared at him in silence and he stared back at me, we were stood only a pace or two apart.

"I don't know what's going on in your head, Rog, but it needs to bloody stop. Now. Not tomorrow, not in a couple of hours, now. Because this will all get blown out of proportion even more and the last thing I want is for you and Deaky to separate because of some stupid fucking bright idea of yours. Can't you see that Patrick is the one to blame here? Yet he's the one you're embracing and not John. John should be your priority. We don't need Patrick jeopardising anything for us, not your relationship, not our career, not our image, not nothing. How would you feel if John was to hire and befriend an ex-boyfriend of yours that you couldn't stand? You'd hate it wouldn't you." He stepped closer to me until there was no space in between our bodies, his hands on my shoulders as he spoke, I breathlessly looked up at him, "Please, Roger. Get a fucking grip. This is not a good idea. Get rid of Patrick, you get John back, we can all move on and forget this trash ever happened."

I stared at him and he stared at me, I could see the despair in his eyes, Freddie strove for absolute perfection when on tour and I was ruining everything, we wouldn't be able to focus with this feud going on.

I couldn't stop staring into his deep, dark eyes, it was a long time since we had been this close and since having his hair cut shorter, made him all the more beautiful to me. I could see more of his divine face.

I'd been trying to tell myself I no longer fancied Freddie after seeing him and Brian so happy together and their relationship flourish into something quite serious, I didn't want to get in the way of things so had been pushing my feelings for Freddie away...but with him standing so close to me right now, looking almost vulnerable...I found him absolutely irresistible...

So much so, that I found myself on my tip toes, and in a swift, stupid, and totally spontaneous, almost out of my control action...I kissed him.

It was quick, it was messy. I felt our teeth bang together.

I almost didn't know I'd done it until he stepped away in shock, making a noise of disgust, wiping his lips immediately with the back of his hand, but his quivering fingers lingering on them for longer than they should have...his eyes wide and mouth gaping open as he stared at me in absolute silence.

It was all happening in slow motion, I could feel the wetness of Freddie's saliva lingering on my lips as I breathed heavily, almost having an outer body experience, everything was muffled, blurry.

I wanted to scream that I was sorry when he pushed past me in a hurry, leaving my room so quickly that he was gone in a matter of seconds...once again, leaving me standing here, alone in this room.

Only this time...with the faint taste of Freddie in my mouth.