Roger's P.O.V.

I wasn't asleep but I wanted it to look like I was. I didn't want to talk to anybody or face anyone. I just wanted to be left on my own. I didn't want to plaster on a fake smile or laugh heartlessly at somebodies shit joke. I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

Although that could prove rather venomous. My thoughts were not my best friends right now but also the only things keeping me here.

My thoughts were hissing nasty things at me, making me feel more and more bitter towards John as each second ticked by.

I couldn't describe how I was feeling in any other way apart from hurt. I was so deeply hurt and I just couldn't understand.

Deaky denied our relationship to this butch and good looking guy who he'd obviously had run ins with before. He just completely disregarded me, tossed me out of the window as if I didn't exist. As if we as a couple never existed. Why would he lie to this guy?

I always love telling people that John is my boyfriend, I thrive off saying it and I loved to let people know because I fucking adored every bone in his body...I wanted to show him off.

But it was like he was ashamed to be with me. Embarrassed that I was his boyfriend. Why would he admit that a gangly drummer was with him, when he could lie and hook up with the handsome new guy whom I apparently wasn't allowed to know who he was.

But Freddie was on it for me. I set him the task of sucking up to Deaky to get all the information back to me and then tell me everything he knew. Fred was easy to hire, paid with cocaine, he'd do anything. I knew he was up front sat with Deaks, talking to him, getting the vital information out of him. I just wanted to stay out of it until Freddie came over to me and spilled the beans.

I mean, I knew getting Freddie involved wasn't the best idea, I could already tell that the singer was getting sick and tired of me asking him for help all the time, I knew he wanted me to stand on my own two feet more...but I needed him. He was the only one that I could put 100% of my trust into...I knew he'd get the job done.

I could go up to John myself and ask him what all this drama is about, confront him as to why he denied our relationship to this guy, demand to know just who this guy is. But I just knew it wouldn't work that way. John would cower away and mumble some kind of innocent shit to make it seem like he was the victim. Then I'd have to sympathise with him as if it was me in the wrong. It always happened that way. I was getting absolutely sick of it.

And besides, even if I did attempt to do all of that, there was no guarantee that he would even give me a straight answer, he never does. Everything was such a riddle with him. I was beginning to lose my patience.

My eyes were closed but my ears were well and truly open, concentrating so hard on being able to hear Freddie and John chatting away, wanting to hear a few key words, but I was sat too far away, perhaps for my own good.

I'd tried to convince myself there was a good reason that John said what he did, that the reason was valid and once I was told, I'd understand completely and perhaps even be grateful. But what good reason was there? To be denied as someone's boyfriend? To stop this guy from doing something? But I couldn't think of anything. There was no good reason. I was just trying to kid myself into thinking John was looking out for me in some way...rather he was trying to make himself look as single as possible in front of this guy.

Well maybe I'd turn the tables. Maybe if this guy ever popped up again, I'd pretend to be interested in him. To see how John likes being tossed to the side and forgotten about.

Fat chance of that happening though. We'd left that guy behind hours ago and were firmly on our way to our next city where we were performing tomorrow tonight.

This situation had put a damper on my whole mood, this time yesterday I was over the moon to be touring with my best friends and now my boyfriend again, to be doing what we do best and delivering mind blowing concerts to the adoring audiences and exploring cities, towns and cultures that we were strangers to.

Now less than twenty four hours later, I was sat at the opposite end to the bus to John and were not even talking to each other, I couldn't think of anything worse than going out and performing, having to pretend I was enjoying myself for the crowds even though all I wanted to do was curl up and sulk.

I just wanted to go home.

I opened my eyes momentarily to look through the gaps between the seats, I could see the singer and the bassist still conversing. It sort of made me jealous. That Freddie was talking to John and not in the midst of an argument with him...then again, I was also jealous of John...to be sharing which looked like a serious conversation with Freddie, to have him all to himself for this current moment. I'd missed having Freddie to myself, it seemed like he never wanted me around anymore now he had his precious Brian in the bag. But I couldn't be mad at Brian either, those two belonged together, I knew that. I was just slightly jealous of the attention the frontman paid the guitarist. I missed mine and Freddie's naughty nights out together and the mischief we got up to...but that's how life works...nothing stays the same forever...I had to keep reminding myself that.

I glanced at Brian, he'd been a lot happier since him and Freddie got together, no longer feeling the need to have purposeful arguments with Freddie in a bid to try and put himself off him, now they were as cute as ever.

And the arguments between the four of us as a band were less.

The guitarist had his nose in a book and looked content as ever, and so he should be, he had that beautiful singer to kiss everyday.

I physically winced at my thoughts. As much as I didn't like John at the moment, I still loved him. He was still my boyfriend. Just my thoughts and temptations got the better of me sometimes.

I shuffled out of my seat and clumsily  made my way over to Brian, sitting myself beside him, he tore his eyes away from his book and looked at me.

"Alright, Taylor?" He asked, softly, looking puzzled.

Brian had to know something about what was going off, I mean of course he did, he went looking around the hotel trying to find John last night, but Brian usually kept himself to himself and only got involved in other people's business if he was directly asked to or he had no other choice.

"Mmm..." I huffed in a sulk, looking straight ahead.

"Boy troubles?" He chuckled, closing his book.

"As always." I grumbled.

"Why don't you just talk to him?" He dryly suggested.

I shot him daggers with my eyes, "Brilliant idea, Einstein."

"Well?" He pushed, I think he half expected me to get up and go over to John but then again, Brian wasn't daft and had witnessed enough of mine and John's arguments to know I was the stubborn one.

"He doesn't want to talk to me." I shrugged.

"I don't think that's the case. I think he does want to talk to you. It's you who doesn't want to let your guard down and go over to talk to him, acting all buff like you don't care." He smirked, elbowing me playfully.

I did care. I cared too much. I was scared that if I went over to talk to John, he would tell me something that would hurt me even more.

"Scaredy cat." Brian teased.

"No. Would you want to talk to Freddie after he denied that you were his boyfriend?" I argued, earning nothing but a smile from the guitarist.

"I bloody would yeah, to make him tell me why he did it and then sort things out one way or another. Not just sit their stewing and bubbling away in my anger." He shook his head.

Smart arse.

"Yeah well, the difference is Freddie would tell you the truth. John just avoids it completely." I shot back.

"Freddie has a guilty conscience, yes, which does eventually make him tell me most things which I am glad about...but it definitely sounds like John's been telling Freddie the truth to me." Brian said smugly, opening back up his book.

I turned to him, "You heard them?!" I hissed.

Brian nodded, "If you weren't such an antisocial sulker you would have heard too."

I didn't know what to say, just sat back in the seat in a strop.

"Trust me, Rog. It's not what you think." And with that, Brian got up, putting his book down on his seat and making his way over to the toilet...leaving me alone with my new thoughts whizzing about my head...again.

Not what I think? I don't even know what I'm thinking so how the fuckinghell does he?

So...so John's not pretending he's single so he can hook up with this guy? He's not cheating on me? He's not trying to get in this dudes pants? What?

I sighed loud enough for John and Freddie to hear and went back to my own seat at the back of the bus, rummaging about my bag for the secret stash of vodka I had in there. I usually carried this with me when me and the boys felt like being a bit rowdy and over the top, but right now I needed something to numb the pain and ease my mind.

I gulped down a mouthful and watched as the outdoor streets whizzed by, wanting to get out and explore...then never get back on this bus again.

Flickering my eyes back to the other end of the bus I saw Freddie get up from his seat next to John and glance at me for half a second. My heart instantly began to beat a little faster at the possibility of finding out who this bastard was that was causing this uproar.

The frontman sauntered to the back of the bus and plonked his bum down next to me and I stared at him expectantly.

Freddie looked unsettled, a little upset, maybe.

"Fred?" I urged, eager to know.

He turned to me slowly, his jaw tight. He shook his head slightly before looking down and taking a deep breath, "You need to talk to him, Roger." He said quietly.

I furrowed my eyebrows at him, "What? No, you said you'd..." I began but he cut me off.

"No. I can't. It's not my business and it's not my place to say. He's willing to tell you when we get to the hotel, Rog. But until then just give him some space." He got up and dug around in his pocket, tossing me the small pouch of cocaine I had paid him with, "Take it back. I'm not doing anymore of your dirty work for you. Talk to him yourself. You're his boyfriend for goodness sake." His voice was shallow but something had quite obviously affected him, he began to walk away as I stared after him in shock until he back tracked and said one last thing before retiring to his seat next to Brian, "It's not what you think. He's done it for you."

((A / N - OOOHHH MMMYYY GGGOOODDD GUYS I AM SO SO SORRY! Please forgive me for not updating in a lifetime, my life has been spiralling out of control for the past few weeks and I'm so behind in life in general! Please be assured that I have not and will not abandon this story EVER I've just had a lot on my plate lately and it's sadly been pushed to the side a little and I feel so guilty, but it feels so good to be writing and uploading again, I hope you're still interested in reading...it won't be weeks until the next update I PROMISE! ))