John's P.O.V.

I must have dozed off after a while of us driving and got woken up by a sharp shake to the shoulder, sleepily forcing my eyes open I saw Freddie sat next to me.

At first, I wondered where Roger was but then everything came flooding back and I remembered that we were not currently talking to each other.

I sat up properly, rubbing my eyes.

"So...?" Freddie looked at me expectantly.

"So, what?" I groaned, not wanting to talk about it.

"You can't tell me that guy was a just a friend, Deaks. Not to make you and Roger fall out..." he dove right into the deep end, there's no sugar coating shit with Freddie.

"I don't know...he's not talking to me because I told Patrick he wasn't my boyfriend." I shrugged, "Rather childish if you ask me."

"Patrick, is it? So, you're on first name terms?" He pushed.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I looked at him sarcastically.

He shook his head quickly, "Well put it this way, John, would you be upset with Roger if he told another guy that you weren't his boyfriend...and was all secretive about who the other man was?" He raised a knowing eyebrow at me.

I sighed and looked out of the window, "Yeah..."

"So he's not being childish. He's being reasonable." Freddie nodded.

"Yeah." I reluctantly agreed.

It was getting quite venomous. Roger despised me at the moment for denying our relationship and with me trying to keep my past a secret, I was trying to play the victim...which was making me all bitter towards Rog, convincing myself he was being pathetic.

"What's going on, darling? There's some serious shit in the air. I can smell it." He turned in the seat to face me properly.

I knew Fred meant well, he was the peacekeeper and the compromiser between us all. He just wanted us all to get on all the time and to sort out any problems we had. Plus he wanted the tour to be our best one yet and with this situation happening...I couldn't focus on anything else and the last thing we needed was a feud going off between members of the band...in a relationship or not.

I knew I could tell Freddie anything and he would keep it to himself, he's like a human safe, once he holds information, it's difficult to get it out of him.

I knew I could tell him and he would finally understand me and the reasons for my actions...hopefully.

But I had vowed my whole life to keep this a deep dark secret that nobody would ever find out about...and I thought I would never have to tell anyone...I thought I'd be able to live my life never having to think about it ever again. And it was all going well until he showed up.

Now I was having difficulty letting go of this secret I had kept mine for all these years, I didn't want to tell anyone, I was ashamed.

I had been looking down playing with my fingers whilst I could still feel Freds piercing eyes staring at me, waiting for an answer he probably wasn't going to get.

"Nothing..." I mumbled.

He scoffed, "Clearly." He stared at me again, waiting for another answer which, again, he wasn't going to get.

"Alright, let me just get this out in the open, you're not fucking cheating on Roger with him, are you?" He asked quietly with a slight bit of cringe present in his voice.

I looked at him wide eyed, "No! Definitely not! I would never." I hissed at him, "You should know that."

He shrugged, "Good. I just needed to make sure. So if you're not secretly bedding him, who the fuck is he?"

He wasn't going to give up was he. And I was going to have to give up my secret, wasn't I.

There was a long, awkward pause. I stared out of the window, trying to rehearse in my head what was going to come out of my mouth but could guarantee something completely different would be said.

As much as I loved Fred, I wished it was Roger sat next to me, holding my hand and resting his head on my shoulder, enjoying each others company. As it should be.

But instead, Roger was sat at the opposite end of the bus to me, pretending I wasn't here, refusing to acknowledge my presence. Our relationship. Just like I had done.

If I told Freddie, he'd help me, right? Help me win over Roger again and help me make things up to him, explain myself and tell him the truth eventually. Tell him who patrick really is. If I told him, things would get better?

"I...I said it to protect him..." I suddenly mumbled, palms getting sweaty and teeth chattering with nerves.

I think Fred had grown tired in waiting for a response so was busy reading the back of a packet of something and his head suddenly snapped towards me once those words left my mouth.

"Said what? To protect who?" He asked, confused.

"That he wasn't my boyfriend...I said it to protect Roger." I sighed loudly, trying to remain composed.

"Protect him?" He turned to me and leaned in closer now, already sensing that this was juicy and that I probably didn't want the others hearing our conversation.

I nodded a little, "From Patrick." I stated.

I could almost see his brain working hard to try and process the little information I had given him and try to make sense of it.

"Why does he need protecting from Patrick? Deaks, I-I don't understand, darling..." he shook his head, if I wasn't mistaken, there was a slight glint of worry in his deep brown eyes.

I swallowed hard and stared out of the window, not wanting to look at him or see his facial expressions as I finally, after all these years, told somebody about the horrendous times I had with Patrick.

I can only hope that Freddie understands and doesn't turn his back on me.

"Patrick's not my friend, Fred. To be honest, he's quite the opposite. I hate him. Umm...a-a few years ago I...I met him. We were at that hotel we just stayed in, our first American tour as a support, remember?" I stammered.

"Yes...I remember..." he said cautiously, still his eyes were locked on me, he already sounded unimpressed and suspicious by my minimal words.

I didn't want to, but willed myself to carry on explaining, "Yeah well...I-I didn't even really know if I was gay back then...I knew I had feelings for some males I saw but didn't think I would ever explore those feelings...until I met Patrick."

"Oh...fuck." He fell back into his seat but stayed looking at me, listening.

"I really liked him, Fred. He worked behind the bar of the hotel back then and I used to go to the bar every night just to catch a glimpse of him. And he realised. So we started talking and getting to know each other and...and then he asked me on a date."

"You went?!" He hissed, leaning forward in his seat again now.

I shrugged, "Well of course I did. I told myself to try and embrace the feelings I had for him, rather than keep them buried deep inside of me like I had done with other guys. So umm...we went out for dinner and it was then everything went downhill pretty fucking quickly." I could feel myself getting panicky even just thinking about the mental and emotional shit that man put me through in such a short amount of time.

I glanced at Freddie only to see his eyebrows furrowed but his overall facial expression had somewhat softened as I carried on explaining, it was almost as if he knew I was about to tell him something nasty.

"He...I don't know, Fred...he snapped almost immediately after getting me on my own, he started accusing me of cheating on him with you lot and the roadies, even though we were only on our first date, it was like that one date made me his, in his mind, anyway. Foolishly, I thought it was just nerves y'know, he was acting strange because of nerves but...I quickly figured out it wasn't nerves." I glanced at him again and his mouth was slightly hanging open as he stared at me with a pained look.
"Everytime I saw him he threatened to wipe out everyone I knew because he thought I was having sex with everybody he ever saw me with. He was paranoid...we were not even in any kind of relationship. We were never a thing. It got to the point where even though I'd only seen him a couple of times...he tried to lock me in his house so he could keep an eye on me and only let me see certain people..."

"Oh, Deaky...darling..." Freddie winced and lay a hand on my thigh.

I nodded slowly, "Yeah...its not even as if he just threatens to hurt people I care about because he will physically do it...he's done it before, Fred, remember that roadie that was found badly beaten up that night?" I looked at him timidly.

I could tell he remembered when his eyes grew wide and he leaned away from me momentarily, "It wasn't..."

I nodded, "Yep...that was Patrick. He beat him up because he thought I was seeing him. He was fucking married, Freddie." I looked to the back of the bus to glance at Roger but he appeared to be asleep with some headphones on so wouldn't hear us, either way, I lowered my voice and leaned closer to Fred, "That's why I told Patrick Roger wasn't boyfriend. If he knew, Patrick would come for Roger, I just know it. If I said no, he'd leave him alone. But now he knows, he'll stop at nothing to keep Roger away from me..." I slumped back in my chair, "And now he's not talking to me, pretending I don't exist..."

"John...why didn't you tell us about this before now? That was serious stuff you had to go through, why didn't you tell us? We would've helped you, dear. I can't believe you went though all of that on your own...he sounds like a really disgusting human being." Fred looked angry, hurt and panicked all in one, I loved how he cared for me and wanted me to be safe.

"But you understand why I said what I did, don't you? You understand I said it for Roger?" I desperately asked.

"Yes. Yes, of course. I completely understand that now. I knew it was so out of character for you to do, Deaks. It's just a misunderstanding on Rogers behalf now..." he mentioned as he peered through the gaps in the seats at the drummer sulking at the back.

"But he thinks I'm cheating or I don't want to be with him or something!" I hissed at the frontman.

"I know...I'll help you sort him out, but you know you'll have to explain to him who Patrick is exactly, right?" He warned.

My heart sunk, Rog thought he was the only man I'd ever been with, and figuratively speaking, he was. I had never been in a relationship with anybody else, but realistically, he wasn't the first man I had ever dated like he thought he was, but I would do anything to make Roger understand why I said what I did, I was grateful that Freddie understood me and was willing to help me out of this sticky situation, I just hope that it works. I want things to be back to normal.

I was happy that we had left that vile hotel and that horrible man behind.

But I just couldn't stop thinking about him trying to track us down again. To annihilate Roger and keep him away from me and his greedy fucking paws.

I just had this niggling feeling inside of me that he would turn up again, and ruin things even more.