Freddie's P.O.V.

Roger began to drive away as I sat there in an angry, upset silence where I was trying to rid myself of the flashbacks of what I had just witnessed.

"Actually...can you drop me off at Johns?" I asked, still quiet.

"Wh-what? John's?" Roger questioned as his face drained of colour.

"I'm serious, Roger. I told you I'd sort him out, I'm going to do it today." I replied weakly.

"Freddie, I don't think you're in the right frame of mind..." there was a hint of panic in his voice.

I sighed, "I'm okay. This could work to an advantage."

It was Roger's turn to sigh, "Alright, if you say so."

"I can walk home from John's. I might pop over to yours later on."

"Okay...Freddie?" The blonde asked.

"Mmm?"

"Please don't be too hard on him."

"I'm not going to be, I haven't got the angry energy in me to shout, I'm just going to question him. That's all. I promise." I tried to smile to reassure him but seeing as though I was on the verge of breaking point, it was a terrible faint and fake one.

A short while later Roger pulled up in front of John's house.

We both glanced at his home and then at each other.

"Don't scare him." Roger ordered, "Although he's been a total arse, I still care about him a lot, okay? Don't scare him away." Rog begged.

I put a hand on his thigh and looked deep into his eyes, "I'm not going to. I'm just going to ask him what his actions were all about, and if he doesn't give anything away, I'll just leave it for another day. I'm not up for a fight, not right now and I'm never up for a fight with a best friend. Stop fretting, dear, Jesus, it's like you don't trust me!" I winked, trying to calm his nerves.
"I'll see you later maybe." I punched him playfully on the arm before I climbed out of the car. I waved at him as he set off again down the street.

Now I was alone I could wipe that fake smile away and allow myself to feel as awful as I really did.

I didn't want to be horrible to Deaky, I don't think I ever could be, but if it meant having a stern word with him to get some answers, that's what I was willing to do.

I inhaled deeply and walked across the street and up the steps to John's front door, I knocked and waited.

He answered after a handful of seconds.

His face fell as soon as he saw me, a little gasp escaping him.

"Got ten minutes?" I asked, my voice a lot more blunt than I anticipated but some of the anger and frustration that I felt last night after I had watched him walk out on Roger came flooding back now that I saw him.

His breathing had gotten heavier. He nodded and stepped to the side, letting me in.

I followed him into the kitchen where he stood there awkwardly.

I began, "Listen. I'm not here to shout. I'm not here to argue. All I want to know is what got into you last night."
I observed as he swallowed and didn't look at me, I waited.

"N-nothing..." he choked.

I raised my eyebrows at his bullshit, "What?" I was taken aback.

He shook his head nervously as he fidgeted.

I stepped closer.

"Deaky. You can talk to me...it wasn't like you! We just, we just don't understand how you could be happy for me when I came out, and then the complete opposite with Roger..."

Again, I watched as he squirmed and struggled to swallow, he attempted to speak many times but gave in to an inaudible whimper.

"I don't...I don't know." He finally said.

I sighed, getting agitated.

"You do know! I know theres something the matter, look at you! You can't even look me in the eye!"

I waited once more. I promised I wouldn't get angry, I was going to break this promise.

I growled in impatience. "John! I am here to try and settle this! I know how much you hate arguing with us! I'm trying to resolve this! Now I'm
not in a good place at the minute, my heart has just been ripped out of my fucking chest and fed to the dogs so I'm in no mood to play about. I'm here for one reason and one reason only. For Roger. Now you better tell me what that was all about last night because that was fucking disrespectful. And you are not like that."

I didn't realise I had been getting closer and closer to him as I said my part.
We were very close now.

His eyes flickered up at me and back down.

"It was...just too much...to handle." He stammered.

Finally, he was talking.

"Why?" I asked, calmly.

He shook his head again, "I don't know..."

"You do know." I pressed, "Deaks, do you want to know what I think of this whole situation?"

He nodded.

I sat down at a stool, "I think, now, correct me if I'm wrong, I think Roger being gay was a big shock to you, because you never thought in a million years that he would be into men. And I don't blame you, I mean I didn't even figure it out! But Roger, whom you care about deeply, and who you thought you would never have a chance with, has turned into an opportunity stabbing you right in the heart. And that was what was too much for you to handle. That you didn't expect it and you now have a chance with Roger." I stared at him as he now stared at me, he had turned ghostly white and looked as if he could collapse at any second.

"Freddie, I'm not-! I'm not..."

"Gay?" I finished his rushed and panicked sentence.

At that word he span around, turning away from me, his hand covered his face as his head tipped back slightly.

I watched him intently until I realised his body was shaking slightly.

He was crying.

I rushed over and bundled him into my arms, "Deaky! Why are you crying, love? What is it?" I cooed, feeling awful that I had made him cry.

"I've been trying to ignore it for so long!" He sobbed.

"Ignore what?"

"That I had feelings for Roger...I thought it was wrong, that it wasn't who I was and I've always been destined to marry a woman. I'd convinced myself everyone would hate me if I liked boys."

"You silly boy!" I exclaimed as a tear had escaped my very own eye, a mixture of knowing full well what John had felt and now letting my broken heart get the better of me due to the exposure of John's emotions.

"You're right. I never thought Roger would like men, I've been too busy convincing myself over the years that he wasn't gay and I'd never have a chance with him, so therefore telling myself I liked girls. As soon as he came out last night it was too much and it all come flooding back, my feelings for him and the potential chance of being with him...and the fact that I certainly don't like women." His body was still shaking from his crying between his words and I still had him wrapped in my arms for comfort.
He pulled back and wiped at his tear stained face, he looked up at me, "I also thought...that I had lost out. You're gay...he's gay...you two have seemed really close lately and...a little part of me thought that you two might have a thing going on, that's why I was a little bitter. He doesn't even think about me in that way anyways, I bet he has his eyes on someone else."

"You thought me and Roger were together?!" I allowed myself to chuckle at this, "Oh no, darling, we've been close because I've known about Roger being gay for quite some time now, I was helping him figure out...how to...how to tell you and Brian..."

I wanted to scream at him that Roger was head over heels for him but I didn't want to ruin it, if it was meant to be, they would figure that out for themselves.

I wiped more tears away from his face, "I'm making a habit of this, this week!" I joked.

He giggled a little.

"Does Brian know about Roger?"

"Yes, he told Bri this morning, it was a very nice moment to watch...I wonder how Brian's going to feel about being the only straight member of the band!"

"There's still a possibility that he could like men too Fred, you never know."

My heart sank, "He...he has a girlfriend Deaks...we followed him earlier and he went to visit a woman, he's probably in bed with her right now..." I almost hurled at the thought.

I saw the genuine sadness in John's eyes as he looked at me, "I'm so sorry Fred..."

I shook my head.

"Does he hate me?"

"Roger?! Oh no, not at all, he's hurt and confused but he knew I was coming over here, he specifically told me not to scare you."

We both chuckled.

"Fred, it's normal right, to like men? It's weird, I've never allowed myself to openly talk about it or think about it where it concerns myself. I've found it impossible to accept myself, trying so hard to date girls but...never really wanting to..."

"Deaky, love. We don't get to choose whether or not we want to fall in love with men or women, want to have sex with men or women. It just happens, I think we're born like it. I mean fuckinghell, it's not as if we're doing it just to follow a trend are we. It's real. It's serious. And the only way to get our heads around it is to to allow us to accept ourselves." I tapped his head, "Up here." And then I touched his heart, "And in here."

He said nothing, but he didn't need to, he smiled at me and hugged me ever so tightly, that was when I knew he was on the journey of self acceptance.

"I'm going to go see Roger. I'm not going to mention anything, I'm not going to mention that you're gay, or that you like him, okay? I think it's best if you figure that out amongst your selves. Don't feel pressured Deaks, you don't have to tell anybody until you feel like you want to, I wont tell anyone."

"Thank you, Fred. Thank you."

"Darling you have nothing to thank me for! I'm off, alright? Go get some sleep, I know admitting shit like this can be exhausting, I'll see you tomorrow? No more pretending to be ill! Take care."

I hugged him one last time before he let me out of his house and I left. Feeling exhausted, this week was already one hell of an emotional roller coaster.