{naruto}

"Your parents? Are they missing?" Sasuke's back had straightened, the care and concern so evident in his sharp attentive look made Naruto feel almost guilty for stealing this man for himself.

Naruto's words spilled forth slowly, he thought long and hard about every word he was putting out. "Well... Technically... I'm the one... who went missing. But yeah... I guess I can say... that they are... missing." Naruto's voice had then went soft; that or the wind had picked up enough to layer over his words, whipping around them as they huddled closer together instinctively. "It took me forever to find where I used to live and when I got there - nada. They were gone. No trace, no forwarding address. Nothing."

Sasuke took Naruto's hand in his and squeezed. Staying silent because somehow he knew Naruto wasn't done talking.

"I just... I can't help but think that... That they won't want to see me." Naruto's voice was a cracking, crumbling wall of very old plaster in the face of a wrecking ball. "My biggest fear is that I'll find them and have to face what they think of what I've become."

"Naruto," Sasuke offered in a soft voice. "You're an absolute moron."

Naruto flinched.

"Why do you assume the worst?" Sasuke asked as he took one of the tan, warm hands between both of his.

Naruto fought the pull of absolute desolation in the pit of his stomach. Wrestling it under control. The fight was tough, his thoughts had the jaw and grip of a reptile as it crunched down on his lungs. But Sasuke's hand was there and his breathing, the small puffs of warm breath in his direction reminded him the inhale the biting air and exhale his own warm breath.

"Yeah, you're right." he mumbled after a long, silent struggle, and if he sounded a little winded then he ignored it. "I'm just an idiot." His free hand was gripping the metal stair under him tight.

Sasuke's face tightened in a frown at the unexpected reply and direction. "How so?" he asked, as if to dip his toes in to prepare himself for the temperature of a water body.

"The chances of me finding them are minimal anyway. There is... Um, there's no sign as to where they went. They could be anywhere or even dead or... I don't know... Locked up somewhere. And here I am worrying about what they'll think... I need to focus my energy on finding them, not speculating on the trivial."

"It's not trivial, Naruto, your feelings and doubts are completely valid."

Naruto stared ahead, he felt his face crack in half, one part trying to resist the urge to crumple and failing, the other part frozen in a determined stasis.

"No, not valid, I mean natural! What-- what I meant was that it is natural." Sasuke said swiftly, an edge of panic in his voice. He reached out for Naruto's other hand, forcing him to let go of the metal. He took the hand between his with purpose. Letting the other tan hand sit on his lap.

Gently, Sasuke opened the fist, rubbing the palm to sooth the chilled sting, making sure their hands were warm and Naruto's shoulders had relaxed slightly before continuing.

"It's natural for you to worry, you had no one or nothing to reassure you. But I'm here now. And I'm probably a hundred percent biased when I say this, but still, your parents definitely want their son back, Naruto. And I'm sure they'll be proud of you no matter what."

Naruto's blue eyes stared at their hands. "I hate it when you say impossible stuff like that."

"You hate it because you're used to being too hard on yourself." Sasuke scolded him with sudden fervor. "You are an idiot who can't look in a mirror and extend to yourself the same care and understanding that you extend to strangers!"

Naruto frowned. "How would you know, Sasuke?"

"I know what I'm seeing. I know that you're aware of what I've done, more so than anyone else. But you don't hold it against me, you see me for who I am and not what I've done. You forgave me overnight, Naruto." Sasuke's frown melted into a thankful smiled. "Like an idiot."

Naruto huffed, bristling reluctantly at the border where annoyed meets flattered. "Will you stop calling me that?"

"No. Where was I? Right. You who can forgive me so simply for all the things I did to you. Because we both know I am the person responsible for separating you from your parents and wrecking your life. And you forgave me and made it look like nothing."

"Well, like you said before, you didn't go out of your way to do it... it was a... mistake. And you had no control over the situation anyway. If we want to point fingers, the person who told you to do it is responsible." Naruto shook his head. "But being mad at you or them won't help me find my parents. Won't help me in any way, shape or form. It'll only take precious time and energy."

"Well, being unfair to yourself won't help either." At Naruto's lack of reply Sasuke decided for a different tactic. "Hmm, you know how I got out?"

Naruto shook his head.

"I killed my boss." Sasuke admitted and Naruto shuddered immediately. He had heard that apathetic tone before. Sasuke was apparently distancing himself from the memory of the moment. His body language had changed, as if he were bracing for something.

"Did someone tell you to do it?" Naruto huddled into Sasuke's side, gripping the hand in his tight, assuming this was difficult for him.

"No. It was my choice." Sasuke's smile was strained. When Naruto shifted uncomfortably Sasuke started speaking again. "Do you--"

"Don't. Don't even ask me that." Naruto huffed, his breath misting in the air and tickling Sasuke's ear. "You just said it yourself, I don't see you for what you've done but who you are. And who you are is...loving. Caring. Observant. Obtrusive. Larger than life."

Sasuke coughed into his hand. "That's enough. What are you doing?"

"Ah, I see, not so smooth when you're on the receiving end." Naruto remarked and Sasuke flushed redder. "Well, even I have done distasteful things I regret--"

"I feel many things about it, Naru, but regret is not one of them. I feel like I did the world a favour. And I'd do it again if I had to. I mean, it's not like it was something wanted to do, more like something I had to. It was him or me in the end and... well, I had people to protect." Sasuke's gaze was lost in a middle distance.

That made it much easier for Naruto to look him in the face, observing every crevice and shadow made prominent by the stark white, outdoor tube light.

"And to add to that, I was hoping to live and find a particular blond boy that likes to argue about the fine details and laughs about everything and nothing with absolute strangers."

Naruto was jarred out of his fretting concern with a blush. "Bastard! We're having a serious conversation!" Naruto's put on fake outrage made Sasuke chuckle.

"I want to ask you to never laugh in front of someone else. They might fall over themselves trying to throw themselves at you." Sasuke said, looking at Naruto from the corner of his eye, clearly aware how carefully Naruto was observing him.

When Naruto realised he looked away immediately, pouting because that option wasn't nearly as embarrassing as as replying in kind.

"Come on, Naruto, give me some lip curvature. The whole serious face is more my thing anyway." Naruto didn't respond at first, he couldn't muster anything to put into a smile. But he tried, he reached into the surly pit of his psyche and broke out into a grin so heinous that Sasuke quickly putting a hand on Naruto's face.

When the smile didn't stop he pulled at an end of the blond inciting an explosive, "Ow!"

"Don't show me that fake grin. Never show me that fake grin. I hate it."

"You're so mean!" Naruto whined suddenly. The pull on his ear had hurt him in his sensitive moment more than he'd willingly admit. "Stop that."

Sasuke let his hand drop from the ear onto the tanned cheek, after pushing a few blond locks behind the reddened ear. "How are you not running away screaming right now? I told you I killed a man."

Naruto pressed the cheek into the palm, a small smile worming its way onto his face. "I actually think it's too late for me to run. You've imprinted on me or something. And you might just be unstable enough to lose your mind if I leave you."

"I'll admit I could die if you left."

"I can't have that on my conscience, it's heavy enough as is," Naruto laughed, snuggling into the palm that Sasuke let drift all over Naruto's face. "Plus, maybe I just have a death-wish."

"Your faith in me is astounding."

"What's there to have faith in? All your ravings of a mad-man?"

The dark-haired man looked askance at the blond man. "Why do you find it so difficult to accept what I think of you?"

"Because you're imagining like ninety per cent of it." Naruto declared through his peaceful expression.

Sasuke took a cheek between his fingers, pinching it pink and making Naruto squirm away with a noise of protest. "Hey, I just calls 'em like I sees 'em."

"You calls 'em like you hallucinate 'em," Naruto reasoned aloud. "Your mind can't comprehend the empty room that is my qualities to love so you're filling it with imaginary things."

"Naruto. I won't force you to think the way I do about you, but please don't disregard my opinion like that." Sasuke said in a perfectly no-nonsense tone, with only a bit of his annoyance leaking out. His voice wasn't even half as harsh as the cheek-pulling he'd started on Naruto's other cheek.

"Sasuke." Naruto tugged at Sasuke's hand.

"Naruto." Sasuke replied but let go of the cheek

"You don't know anything." Naruto shifted away, rubbing his cheeks.

Sasuke sat quietly for a moment. "Then tell me, what I don't know."

Naruto's stomach twisted with an obscure affection for Sasuke. He always had a reply. He didn't let Naruto shut him out which was a talent in and of itself.

"What are your parents like?" he asked abruptly. Suddenly thirsty for a glimpse into the backdrop that made Sasuke the striking highlight he was.

"Don't change the topic. You still have a lot more to tell me." Sasuke protested.

"Please." Naruto said softly. He could feel the choking in his throat and he hoped to whatever entity that it wasn't showing. Not that it made a difference. Sasuke had front row seats to trainwreck that was The Naruto Show lately. "Humour me, Sas. I just need to think about something else for a bit."

Sasuke sighed then acquiesced. "My parents are your average Asian couple. They like discipline and achievements. They dislike disobedience and independance."

Blond eyebrows rose high. "Independence? What's to hate about independance?"

Sasuke laughed. "Well Naruto, the more independent Itachi and I are, the less control they have over us."

"Control?" Naruto was baffled. What kind of description is that?

Sasuke reached out and tapped Naruto's nose fondly which was scrunched up in confusion. "And if they can't control us, how can they face the rest of the clan - uh - family?"

"A clan, huh? Good grief, I can just imagine it. A town square of dark haired people with a sense of entitlement dripping from every pore." Naruto chuckled at Sasuke's answering glare. "Do they all look impeccable, with flawless cream-like skin, intense dark abysses for eyes and lips personally gifted by God?"

Sasuke's ears, cheeks and nose flared pink. He cleared his throat a few times before biting his lower lip as he couldn't control his smile. "Shut up."

Naruto's laugh was loud and warm, it reached out to Sasuke, warming him from within.

"Your laugh," Sasuke reached out and traced Naruto's lips still open from the laughing with his fingers. "It feels like whiskey."

Naruto snorted then laughed even harder, slightly choking on the cold air as it dried out his throat, bringing tears to his eyes. "You're insane, Sas."

"Hmm, I've heard that love is a permanent madness."

"For fuck's sake!" Naruto squirmed and looked away. "So who are you closer to, your mom or your dad?"

"Neither." Naruto's stricken look made Sasuke sigh. "I used to be very close to my mom but..."

"But?"

"But she's a faithful wife." And that's all he said on that.

"What was it like when you got back?"

"Hmm, when I finally came home to them, they greeted me with a lot more care and attention than I'd ever gotten in my life..." Sasuke leaned forward his elbows resting on his knees, his hands steepled below his chin. "I thought it was natural since I was gone for ten years but as time passed I realised they were focusing a lot more time and energy on me than I had ever received. They also began to - or already had been - completely neglecting Itachi who was, surprisingly, not even living with them anymore." Sasuke took a breath. "It took me a while to get there but eventually I did the math. I'd replaced Itachi as the prized offspring."

Naruto shook his head, his heart bleeding for Itachi who had proved to Naruto he wasn't as much of a hardass as he put on. The man was the physical manifestation of a touch-me-not plant. That must have hit him so hard.

"They hated Itachi's decision to reject business school, med school and law school scholarships to pursue film production and directing."

"No." Naruto's eyes widened, his grip tightening, his voice a hollow appeal.

"They'd decided that they would instead focus on me. Which was complete bullshit, in my opinion. I had spent most of my childhood hoping my father would even look at me. I had gotten used to being a shadow. Now, suddenly, my father was behaving as if Itachi wasn't even his son anymore."

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph Conrad." Naruto muttered. He felt guilty for hating Sasuke's father, but he couldn't not.

"Because how can you boast about your son if he's a struggling artist, yeah? Every meal we had together, Itachi was basically treated like a fucking visitor. At that point I didn't care for my parents attention."

"But Itachi did."

Sasuke looked at Naruto then nodded. "Yeah. I had died everyday waiting for even a hint of recognition. And now that I have it, it's dirty and wrong and kind of over my brother's dead body."

"I'm so sorry."

"He's not really dead." Sasuke replied.

"I am aware, thank you, he kinda is my boss." Naruto's comment made Sasuke's lips quirk and Naruto felt relieved, because clearly, family is very important to Sasuke. Looking at his furrowed brows Naruto had noted so, or at least...Itachi is. "So, what did you do?"

Sasuke sighed. "I left. To live with Itachi."

"How did he feel about it?"

"Itachi was... happy about it. I don't let him tell me otherwise. He keeps telling me he's okay but... I know he isn't. And-- and I don't want to have anything to do with people who rate Itachi according to their graphs and charts. Anyone who thinks, 'oh. let's love the murderer son instead of the creative one' can-- can kiss my ass. It's their ideals and wants for us, against our wants for ourselves." Sasuke made a face. "I'm getting more worked up about this than I can handle right now"

"Okay..." Naruto hesitated then went for the question. "Why do you say that you did the world a favour by...?"

"The sick fuck experimented on children." Was the straightforward reply.

"Oh." Naruto shifted in his seat and looked at his nails.

Sasuke watched him for a second and made an observation. "You know who I'm talking about."

"Uh, yeah." Naruto nodded. "He was very... he was too friendly. Until he wasn't friendly anymore and he was filling kids with acid." Naruto said in a vacant voice. His mind was playing a particular Disney song the man liked to play. His ears were buzzing with it. He clamped down on the memory so hard he felt the urge to vomit.

"He drugged you?" Sasuke's voice was rough and aggressive with restrained rage. His body laced with tension. Naruto jumped at the tone, looking spooked enough that Sasuke took a few breaths to calm down.

Naruto hummed in acknowledgement but he couldn't find a want to reply.

"What did he do to you?" Sasuke asked finally. Naruto looked like he didn't want to answer. "Naruto, tell me."

"I met him once. I just wanted to save Sakura. He... carved lines into my skin."

Sasuke took a deep breath then dared, "What lines?"

Naruto picked up a clean tissue from the brown paper take out bag and wiped at his cheeks until they were raw and red but not covered in whatever skin coloured cosmetics he'd used. Three thin scarred lines sat on each cheek, they looked like whiskers, spreading outwards from the centre of his face.

"He said he wanted to figure out why I was always running hot like a nice little fever. So... he tried to find out."

Sasuke's fists were clenched and shaking. His rage was a rush of lava from the ground in contrast to Naruto's sudden stillness and inactivity. "I wish he was still alive just so I could kill him again."

"Won't fix anything." Naruto spoke, mild as milk. "Revenge is that treasure chest deep in an underwater tunnel, you sacrifice everything to reach and come out the other end with a chest filled with dust, and regrets."

"It would make me feel less angry." Sasuke said half-heartedly.

"No, it wouldn't." Naruto argued. "It'd only make you feel hollow because then you'd stop having someone to blame and hate all the time. You'd become a hacked out pinata version of yourself and, call me selfish but I like you how you are now."

Naruto ran a hand through dark hair, having the bangs that were longer than the rest of his hair pulled back for a few seconds before they fell to frame delicate ivory features. "I'm kind of slightly addicted to you and the way you rain baseless compliments down on me. The way you touch and kiss me. It makes me feel less like a ghost."

"You're not a ghost, you're a living breathing human." Sasuke notified him simply.

"You're the one and only person that makes that sentence feel true."

Sasuke peered at Naruto carefully, disbelievingly. "Say that again."

"You're the only one who makes me feel alive." Sasuke was on Naruto before the sentence was over.

A couple of chopsticks rolled and tumbled down the stairs, bottles toppled over and a bunch of tissues took flight, wisps of white in the early morning.

Lips were pressing against lips with such a hurry that their teeth bumped due to too much contact and their lips moved in a stilted rhythm at moments of too less contact.

"And you're the only one I think I am alive for." Sasuke replied.

"You say the most embarrassing things with a straight face!" Naruto yelled out loud for some reason.

"It's because I mean them," Sasuke said with a roll of his eyes.

"Fuck you, bastard."

Sasuke laughed at the new nickname. "Don't tempt me, idiot."