I don't like experiencing any negativity, it doesn't suit me at all

"Hey Boboiboy! I was just thinking that we could-, wait, what's wrong?" Gopal asked, taking a seat beside the Elemental hero, who, surprisingly, was not wearing his signature orange dino cap. He seemed quite distressed, or sad, or mad, or something in between.

A simple, sunny afternoon on Earth, free from the heavy burdens and responsibilities, even if only for a day. It wasn't much, but it was everything to the young hero. To somehow gently let go and cry for a bit about every recent event. It was something, even if not something major.

He turned to face Gopal, confusion plastered on his face. "Yeah I'm good, why?" Gopal does not seem convinced. Gopal's expression and tone softens, "You sure? We can talk if you want to." Boboiboy gave him a half-forced smile in return. "I'm sure"

It's normal to feel this, everyone experiences it, immortal or mortal

"It's normal to feel a little jealous Ochobot! But just know that you'll always be my partner, just like how Mechabot is dad's partner", Boboiboy tells Ochobot, smiling softly. And for that, he received a shy but accepting smile.

"And Mechabot, I know you're jealous too, but you watched me grow in my childhood. I still forever cherish my memories with you", Boboiboy said, turning to the red Powersphera. Said powersphera was hovering beside his dad, who wore an irritatingly amused expression. 

He had already expected this, discussing it over with his dad while planning their hang-out. But he knew he could handle it, ('Hopefully', Boboiboy thought hours before meeting up with them). And generally, he can say he was proud of himself for handling it well. But still, that annoying phrase from his dad during their discussion still irritates him.

I don't like being the person who is probably vulnerable and prone to fall

"But Boboiboy-!" "Guys I'm fine I swear!" "Oh yeah, like you didn't pass out for 5 days straight!"

Boboiboy mentally groaned as he fought this losing battle between him and his friends. 'This is gonna be a long argument...', Boboiboy thought, slightly annoyed & slightly exasperate.

Probably that's why I prefer to stay quiet and silently build up my wall

"You ready to head back now?" Ochobot asked, hugging the young hero tightly as though he would run away if he didn't. Well... he kinda did earlier. 

Boboiboy almost never opens up, fearing he would burden those he cares about. But when he accidentally snapped at Ochobot during an argument, it just... escalated into a venting of emotions, thoughts and feelings. He had, of course, ran out of the house, scared to face Ochobot again. But just as predicted, Ochobot eventually found him and had been comforting his best friend for the past 10 minutes.

Forcing a smile and himself to stand up, he quietly murmured, "Yeah, I'm good." And after quickly wiping his tears away, the duo made a silent journey back to Tok Aba's house.

That's not to say I hate anything negative in general, I'll gladly help if a friend does call

I wouldn't want to keep them waiting, I wouldn't want to stall

"And it's just so-, ughhh!" Fang groaned as he slammed his head repeatedly on the table. Boboiboy, just pats his shadow user friend on the back comfortingly, letting Fang release it all out before talking to him.

Yet somehow, I find myself holding a small amount of resentment

"Hey Boboiboy? Do you want to join us?" Yaya asked politely. Boboiboy looks at Yaya, then to his friends, who are having a fun game of beach volleyball, and then back at his gravity manipulator friend. "No thanks Yaya, you guys go ahead and have some fun. Plus, I'm quite tired," Boboiboy responded back, smiling softly.

"Eh? Are you sure?" Yaya asked, concerned and worried about excluding one of her friends. "I'm sure, I just need some time to myself," Boboiboy assured. Yaya offered a small smile before going to join the others. 

Boboiboy watched from the sidelines, now silently wishing he joined them on their game. But he was really so tired, and he technically wasn't allowed to do any possibly straining activities. He was a little sad that he couldn't join them in their fun. Seeing them happy together, without him, felt like a small stab in his heart.

Recently, we haven't had a single fight, nor had we had a disagreement

No matter what happened, we'd always just laugh, or silently sit in contentment

The journey back to TAPOPS was quiet, but no one in the Kokotiam gang would change it. They enjoyed it. They enjoyed the silence, the occasional jokes or antics of Gopal, and overall, the time spent with each other.

I didn't want to bring it up, I don't want to be a possible cause of an argument

I'm fine, I can last a couple of moments without all of them, I'm not dependent

"Guys, I'll be fine, it's just for a month," Boboiboy assured, offering them a gentle smile. That smile did not convince them one bit. "Are you sure? I mean, one month is a long time you know..." Yaya asked, concern lacing her voice. Yet the tone in which she was speaking in subtly hinted she hadn't completely let go that incident a few days ago.

"Huhuuuu! I'm gonna to miss you Boboiboy!!" Gopal cried out from seemingly nowhere. He was squeezing our little munchkin close to death, lifting him off the short bean off the ground in the process. "Hehe... I'll miss you too Gopal..." Boboiboy said stiffly, trying to breathe and talk from tight grip he was being held captive at.

Somehow, through that awkward position, he managed to somehow pat Gopal on the back while also motioning the others to join them. They accepted the invite.

And they seem quite happy, yet moments like this wish I wasn't so independent

"I gotta go now, we're supposed to continue our mission early tomorrow morning. Trust me when I saw, Laksamana was not happy when he found out we have barely managed to make progress 5 days in to the mission." Fang said, shuddering slightly at the horrifying memory and the rushing fear that graced his soul during the scheduled report.

Boboiboy couldn't help but laugh at his friend's misery, before greeting him a goodnight and ending the call. Past few days have been... hectic. Not in an overwhelming way, but more of a 'oh yeah I can do all this stuff alone guys, totally' kind of hectic. Though the amount of tasks as of the late has started to catch up on his body and mental health.

Now he theoretically could ask for help from some of his classmates, but will he? Nah, of course not

biarlah dia berdikari

But even if he could handle it, despite the stress, the isolation from nearly everyone (including Ochobot, isn't that a shocker!?) has really been pulling him down a lot.

I told them I'd be fine, and I am, I could just find other things to do

"Andddddd, done!" The now grinning hero exclaimed, proud of his work. For the past few hours, he had been working on a Science project, and right before his eyes, there it stood, completed!

That was basically all of his homework for the weekend, he had nothing else to do. Man, it felt weird, not having any homework or tasks to do. Especially as a hero, and a student.

He glanced at his powerwatch, then at his tablet, and back at his watch. He missed his friends, so much. For the past few hours he had been working, he had heavily contemplated on calling them and having a simple talk. And he almost followed through, but anxiety pulled him away from the decision last second.

He kinda regrets it, but he doesn't want to disturb them. He'll be fine... somehow, one way or another

I could find books to read, or puzzles to solve, or club meetings to attend to

I yearn to be with them in their company, but I won't complain, I won't say so

These photos, these memories, things of the past, something he could read like an open book, a great contrast to the unknown future he had. Boboiboy sighed as his hands ran gently across each photo of the album of him and all of his friends. It was a collab birthday gift for him, and he couldn't have been more thankful of his friends for doing it for him. 

But it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel the same. Those photos don't captivate Gopal's silly and funny personality, Yaya's stern but caring nature, Ying's enthusiastic energy, nor Fang's creepingly comforting shadow-like personality. It wasn't them, it wasn't the same. 

I don't want to be the reason that they don't want to be friends, I won't, no

They deserve their own happiness, I should be happy for them, why is it hard to do so?

"Are you alright Boboiboy?" Ochobot asked, noticing how his best friend had, for the most part, tucked himself away in the corner, avoiding all and any social interactions with his friends. It was... concerning, to say the least. "Yeah I just.. uhh-" Boboiboy couldn't form any coherent or clear words or phrases with how preoccupied his mind is. His skin feels like it's crawling on it's ends.

I've always been taught that being jealous isn't pretty, nor is being envious, it's bad

I try and avoid feeling it, looking at the bright side, but it's making me more sad

"It's alright, I mean, they're happy right? That's what matters! They're happy, I'm happy but-! Ughhhhhhh!" Boboiboy was just basically rambling some nonsense to himself for the past 10 minutes. Ever since their hangout, he couldn't help but want to claw at his brain and skin for all of those mixed and weird feelings...

Being honest, I just want to be included, but knowing I can't makes me mad

Yet again, another mission for them. Boboiboy left behind, all his friends went. Yey, so fun guys!

So when I see them talking about something that happens, I want to cry, just a tad

Try as I can to deny it, I just want to share and bond over what we once had

Why, why, WHY!? Why do I just want to claw out my heart and rip it out!? This is just rtoo much... too painful...

The song that sings from my heart and reflects my soul has a negative melody

Negativity directed at them, I hate it exists, so much so it can fill an entire sea

Boboiboy stared silently at the small box filled with coins. Each one representing a feeling that continues to claw at his chest. 

Anger. 

Sadness. 

Loneliness. 

Envy? 

Does it even matter at this point?

I was so sure of who I was, yet seeing myself again, I don't recognize my identity

In the middle of the night, on the bathroom floor, sat our elemental hero, silently sobbing with tears trekking down his puffy face from his bloodshot eyes. He couldn't bring himself to look in the mirror or any photos containing himself, with or without himself. It hurts, and her didn't know why.

I don't like how I'm feeling under the influence of envy

Boboiboy punched and kicked and shot and striked all of the practice dummies as far as the eye can see in the training room. No one could see him like this. The 12am, broken down, tired mess that he was. Too much emotions, too much negativity. It was too overwhelming for him.

Is this what it feels like... is this what it feels like when you experience jealousy?

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The words in italic & bold are lines of a poem (Unwanted Jealousy) made by yours truly, me!! ^ - ^

Hope you enjoyed :D

I love you all <33