"Trust is the first step to love."

*************

Lilly's POV

Involuntarily, my fingers lingered over my lips and my eyelids glided down as I recalled back last night. The memory of his kiss imposing and enough to steal every breath of air from my lungs.

God, yesterday's kiss was something else. So different from before. Full with years of built-up hunger, need and desperation.

It was aggressive, hard, demanding and enough to bury itself deep down in my head making it impossible to ever shake it out.

I slept thinking about it and woke up with the same thought. A thrill buzzing through every one of my senses that I can't seem to concentrate on any simple task without him invading every thought there is in my brain. That boy is going to ruin me in the best way possible.

If it wasn't for mom barging in on us yesterday and accidentally interrupting our passionate moment, god knows where things would've led to because I was more than ready to rip off his clothes and have him do things to me I have only read about in books before.

A light knock on my door startled me and unfortunately pulled me out of my blissful daydreaming. Mom peeked inside as I pretended to be busy fixing my hair into a high ponytail.

"Morning baby," She smiled, "Come eat something before you go to school," She said and I nodded, my heart still beating a thousand emotions against my chest and fully out of control.

She looked around the hallway before she got into my room and lightly closed it behind her. I gave her a questioning look, and her eyebrow raised in accusation, "We still didn't discuss what happened last night."

I gulped and she carried on, "Look Lilly, I am not as strict as your father in this area but still, it doesn't mean I tolerate you doing whatever you were doing here in my house with us just across the hallway."

I facepalmed and whined, "Mom, it was just a kiss!" A great one on that note.

"Yeah, I know, but still, a kiss could lead to something more," She started and I wished the floor would open and swallow me in because I am no way ready to discuss sex with my mom, "And I just want you to be careful," the warmth and worry in her tone shook my anger and embarrassment away.

Her hand rested over my arm and she rubbed at it gently, her head titled and she offered me a small smile, "I just don't want you to do something you might regret later." She did have a point there.

I am acting on impulses and operating on hormones, since the day I kissed him on my birthday, I haven't made one logical rational decision. And something tells me, I might as well just regret what's to come.

Though, if you ask, I don't regret kissing Chase one bit. I only wonder, how come I didn't do it before. I was saving it for Zack, I always wanted him to be my first kiss, I obsessed over it for years, and to be honest, I still wonder, if with Chase it feels like this, how would it feel to kiss the guy I've been crushing on for years? Better? or maybe it just won't live up to my expectations?

See, that's why I really need to think this through. I need to put the hormonal rush I get when I touch him away and I need to silence my vagina's voice and finally make a choice. I need to understand my feelings, do I...like Chase? Like actually actually like him in that way? or is it just purely lust?

How in hell am I supposed to figure that out?

"Look Lilly, you're still young, everything now feels new and exciting," Mom's voice pulled me back in, I seem to zone out a lot these days, "You don't think about the consequences of any action you take, so please just be careful," She shook her head, "I am not talking about Chase, that boy is perfect, it relieves me knowing that if you're dating someone, it's him, but still," A flash of sadness crosses her eye, "I have made many mistakes in my life, I just don't want you to go through any of that."

My eyebrows pull together as I try to read in between the lines and she carries on, "So, if you need to talk about anything, ever, just come to me, okay?" She asks and I nod, "I won't be angry at whatever it is, I just don't want you to get hurt in anyway."

My heart warms up and a smile creeps up my face, as much as I hate these conversation yet I can't help but feel lucky that I have a mother like this. I always hear Aylin complain about how her mother barely talks two words to her and my heart aches at how Sally has no memory of her mom as she lost her when she was just a baby. I can't imagine that being me in any way.

True my parents are overbearing and way too overprotective, they are very weird and extra at times, yet I can't ever imagine going through this life without them. Even that very annoying brother of mine, deep deep deep down, I think that I love him too.

I inch closer and wrap my arms around her, a sigh of relief sneaks past my lips and I close my eyes, "Thanks mom," I whisper in her embrace. When she places her arms around me, I suddenly feel all is right in the world again.

Mom goes downstairs after and I grab my jacket and bag. I choose a yellow ribbon this time and tie it over my ponytail before I head down to the kitchen. I pass by my parent's room and my eyes sneak a look at dad inside, he is looking at his hair through the mirror, "Oh my god," Leaves his mouth in pure fear.

I stand by the doorway and chuckle, "What's wrong?"

He turns to me, "They're five now," He says, terrified.

My brows pull together, "What's five now?"

He walks to me, "The grey hairs, they were only four hairs just last week, now they're five," He says ever so seriously, overreacting as usual.

I laugh, "Are you actually counting them?"

He leaves the room and we both make our way down the stairs, "Of course I am, I have good hair genes," He runs his hand through his hair, "I need to maintain that,"

I tap my hand over his shoulder, "Don't worry, even with the five grey hairs, you're still hot." I say, reassuring him.

His brows pull together, "I know I am," He says, in a matter of fact tone, "I don't need you telling me that."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes at him. I really did get that over confidence from him, that's for sure.

"Finish eating fast, I need to leave early today," He says and I immediately shake my head, "Oh no, Chase will drop me off at school," Gosh, sometimes it's really cool to have a boyfriend, even if it's fake.

Dad gives me a bored look, "No, he is not, he already came and I kicked him out," He says and my eyes widen, "What the-"

"Look, I've been dropping you at school since ever, no way he's taking that away from me too," He says and my eyebrow raised, dear god, is he actually jealous?

"He wants to take my little girl away from me." He mumbles lowly to himself and I whine, frustrated, "Dad, when will you get that i am not your little girl anymore?" I just meant to say that I am not little anymore.

Dad pauses in his steps and his eyes widen, his hand comes to his chest in offense, "Are you trying to break my heart on purpose?"

Here we go again...

You know what, I take it back, it's not cool to have a boyfriend, especially when you have parents like mine.

**********

"Thanks for the drive Mr. Dolan," Aylin said ever so sweetly before she opened the door and got down. Dad gave her a small nod before he turned to look at me, "Loose that frown, little bug," He said and I huffed loudly before I exited the car as well, still way too annoyed at the whole situation.

When Aylin came to my side, I nudged her in the arm, "You're disgusting," I mumbled and she gave me an innocent look in return.

I huffed, "Will you stop ogling at my dad like that?"

She shrugged, "I appreciate hotness, that's all, you guys have some good genes in the family," She nodded her head forward at Max, "If your brother was older, I am pretty sure I would've banged him."

I had to stop walking, the thought alone made me cringe and I facepalmed, "Oh god, stop!"

Max flipped his bag over his shoulder, making sure it hit my face in the way and I groaned angrily. I woke up with a smile on my face today yet these people are pushing my limits already.

Max turned around to look at me with a sly smile, "Sorry, didn't see you there little sis,"

My jaw ticked, "I am older than you!"

He rolled his eyes and I was already breathing fire, "Gosh, I hate you," I mumbled under my breath.

He sneered at me, "Not more than I do," He said before he walked to his friends, who more than half of them were girls. There is my brother for you all, ladies and gentlemen.

Remember when I said I love my family, yes, I take it back.

"Oh look, Sally and the guys are there," Aylin said as she jogged forward and my heart knocked it up a notch before I even could sneak a look at him. All the family drama long forgotten and my palms started to sweat from nervousness.

When we reached them, Chase eye's fell on me first and my stomach did that flip flop. Without my permission, a smile came to my lips. Ever so naturally, I tiptoed and placed a kiss over his cheek, "Morning," I said, my word only directed to him.

He looked a little bit taken aback by my sudden action. Tease fluttered all over his full lips, "Morning," he said, his beautiful eyes gleaming under the sunlight.

"Wow, it's like we don't exist anymore," Conner's voice made me turn around and finally take notice of the other people standing. Conner's hand plastered to his chest, feigning hurt.

He turned to Aylin and pointed at his cheek, "Now, it's your turn," He said, earning himself a hard glare from her. He rolled his eyes, "Gosh, you're no fun."

When my eyes went to Zack, he waved his hand, "Yeah guys, we are here too," He said jokingly, yet somehow i felt that he was a bit annoyed. Maybe it was just a feeling, but I acted on it. My arm went around Chase's waist and I leaned into him. Jesus, he smelled so good, "What? Can't I say good morning to my boyfriend?" I said as I felt Chase's arm wrap around my shoulder.

Why does it feel so natural to be so close to him like this? I can't deny the fact that our skins match, there is chemistry here and I can't just ignore it.

Aylin's grip over my arm pulled me away from Chase's embrace and I almost whined. I was comfortable and happy, "You can, but now we need to catch our class, come on," She mumbled pulling me and Sally away, "See you at lunch," I tried to say to Chase as Aylin dragged me further away.

"You're really living the whole couples role, aren't you?" Aylin commented amused as we reached the class and took our usual seats.

"Well, Zack did seem a bit annoyed," I answered, pulling my notebook out.

Sally's lips curled up in annoyance and she shook her head, "I still don't have a good feeling about this."

The teacher came in and interrupted our conversation. I looked ahead at the board as he started explaining. I leaned my cheek into my palm and continued daydreaming about last night.

**********

"So, how was it? Explain everything in details!" Aylin asked Sally as she placed her tray over the table and sat down.

I blinked, zoning back in and looked at them. I really need to do something about this zone in/out situation.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, trying to divert my thoughts somewhere else.

"This girl had sex last night and now she decided to tell me." Aylin said pointing at Sally before she opened the wrap from over her burger and started chewing on it, "So, how was it?" She asked excitedly, "Don't leave anything out."

Sally shrugged, totally not interested, "Not that good, actually," She chewed at her food, "I've had better."

"Why? His dick was small?" Aylin asked earning a chuckle from me.

Sally rolled her eyes, "Sometimes, the size doesn't matter if he knows how to use it."

Aylin nodded, "Yup, his dick was small alright." She said mockingly.

Sally nodded with a sigh, "Yup, and he really didn't know how to use it."

Aylin and I tried to suppress our chuckle at her sad state, "I hate it when i am more experienced than the guy himself," Sally said and her words made my mind drift somewhere else. I am way under-experienced in that area.

Aylin rolled her eyes, "Well, no one told you to sleep with everything that walks."

"Shut up," Sally mumbled, "It sucks also because you are always comparing,"

I gulp down the food and suddenly lose my appetite as my head wonders over two possibilities.

One, what if things works out with Zack and I really start comparing everything to what I felt with Chase, because I don't think a kiss can get better than this.

Two, what if things works out with Zack, and considering I am so inexperienced in everything sexually, he is the one who starts to compare.

Look at my sexual dilemma people. Don't laugh, it's serious.

"Hey," As if he knows he is on my mind, he makes an appearance. The chair beside me screeches as he seats himself down and places his tray beside mine. My gaze drifts to him then around, "Where is Chase?" I immediately ask.

His eyebrows pull together before he answer, "He got somethings to do," He says and i feel a frown forming on my face, he notices it as well, "Well, someone doesn't want me to be here."

I shake my head, "What? No, of course not," I force a smile and go back into eating my food.

Conversations go on and off between the three of us and I notice Zack being extra flirty today. I go on with it and some of those old feelings sweep back in, reminding me with the fact that I am doing all this for him. I am dating Chase for him.

I keep reminding myself with that because I really seem to forget it lately.

I feel Zack's hand on my hair, unlacing the ribbon from over my ponytail. I pull away shocked, "What are you doing?"

"Why do you always put these?" He eyes my ribbon funnily, "They're for little girl's, aren't they?"

My jaw tightens in anger and I snatch it from his hand, "I don't care, I like it." I say as I tie it up again.

"Jeez, calm down," He chuckles yet I don't find anything funny about this whole situation.

Mess with me, okay. But, not with my ribbons.

When Conner joins us and Chase is still no way in sight, my stomach starts doing that flippy floppy thing again, "Where is Chase?" I ask, not used to his absence and in that moment I realize how much of a clingy fake girlfriend I am.

"There is soccer practice for next week's game, the whole team except this guy are in practice." He answers, pointing at Zack.

I turn to him and he shrugs, "Well considering I am the captain of the team and the best among them, coach said I don't need practice." He says ever so modestly. Yup, you got that right, he is your typical high school jock. No wonder I was attracted to him, he is the perfect bad boy wrapped up in a bow.

"But he will miss lunch," I mumble to myself, a bit worried. If he won't eat, he won't take his asthma pills and if he doesn't, he might have his attack, not to mention he is gonna be already tired from practice.

They all went back to eating and kept talking while my mind was busy worrying. I looked at the peanut butter sandwich in my hand. I still didn't take any bite, so instead of eating it, I wrapped it up and placed it in the bag again with the unopened orange juice bottle.

Five minutes before our next class, I ran away from the group and walked to the gym, searching for Chase. My timing couldn't be any perfect, they had just finished practice, so I stood by the entrance, my eyes taking him in.

One of the guys lightly slapped his back and said something about the game, they laughed it off before he walked away.

Chase placed the small towel around his neck, he opened the water bottle and drank the whole thing down, my gaze focused on the movement of his arms. His muscles flexing as he ran his hand in his hair.

Gosh, if he was already hot, now he looked ten times hotter.

I gulped down the saliva gathering in my mouth and decided to make my presence known. I walked forward and at my steps, his eyes went to me.

He looked a bit taken aback by my presence, "Lilly, what are you doing here?"

I paused a few inches away, trying not to get too close, or else I might just attack him. Yes, I am that desperate.

My throat bobbed and I showed him the bag in my hand, "I brought you something to eat."

A wave of pure confusion passed by his beautiful eyes, "Why?" he asked.

I shrugged innocently, "You didn't eat." I said, "You have your pills with you, right?"

He nodded, his eyes softened before the corner of his lips lifted up in that same panty-dropping smile. My heart did that erratic thing, that quivering tremor I am not capable to make sense of.

I felt uncomfortable under his gaze, my whole body already acting against my own will, "Don't look at me like that!" I stressed out.

His head titled a bit, "Like what?"

I gulped, "Like I am the only girl in this world."

His smile didn't waver as he answered, "But, you are."

Sweet Jesus, I think I am having a heart attack. Why my heart is beating that much fast? Please, I don't want to die now, I am still so young and beautiful.

I pushed the bag into his chest for him to grab it and for me to make my escape because this is getting way too uncomfortable for my heart's sake. Nerves raced through me, a shivered thrill and a flutter of anxiety as I turned around and started to walk away.

His hand over my arm stopped me, he spun me around so fast and pulled me so close to him. A low gasp parted my lips and my palm plastered against his chest, anchoring myself. I lifted my eyes up to meet his heated gaze, he bent down and pecked my lips ever so sweetly, "Thanks," He mumbled, referring to the food.

I tried to suck into a calming breath but miserably failed. What in god's name is happening to me?

"Chase, I don't think I am okay," I mumbled, my voice came out all weak and strangled.

His eyebrows pulled together and worry flashed in his eyes, "What do you mean? What's wrong?"

I took his hand in mine and pressed it against my chest, against my wildly racing heart, "Why is my heart beating this much fast?"

His gaze drops to his hand, to mine over it and I know he is feeling it. That wild organ pumping so hard against my rib cage.

Before any of us could mutter a second word, a group of people walk into the gym, the sound of their voices pushes me away from Chase, making some distance, and dropping his hand away.

"I should head back to class," I mumble and start to walk away.

"Lilly, wait," he says and when I turn around, I see him bend down to the floor to pick something, "Your ribbon fell out," He says, holding it in his hand. He walks closer and without a word, he simply ties it over my ponytail just like I previously did.

When he looks back at me, his hand lifts my chin up and he says, "Don't worry, you are not having a heart attack," he says jokingly, reading the exact thoughts in my head.

"Then what is this?" I ask.

His smile turns into a teasing one and he shakes his head, "That's something you should figure out on your own." He end his words with a wink before he walks away, leaving me trying to drink in the feedback of what just happened.

**********

The rest of the day passes in a blur. Way too many thoughts racing through my head and slowly stripping my sanity away.

After my almost heart-attack, I kept monitoring my heartbeats. They seem to fluctuate from one moment to another. Maybe I should see a doctor or something, I really don't want to die young. My whole life is right ahead of me and I plan to live it to the fullest.

When I go home, I take a shower and change my clothes. Finally making up my mind, I tell mom I am going to Chase's to finish working on our history project. Weirdly enough she accepts and I immediately head out.

Reaching his house, aunt Katherine opens the door and greets me with a big tight hug. She winks at me, "You're here to see Chase?" She asks.

Of course I am not here for you. I hold back my sarcastic response and nod my head, "Is he in his room?" I ask and she nods, ushering me to go upstairs.

Unlike mom and dad, she doesn't mind us being in the same room without interruption and I kind of like that.

I suck into a deep breath and burst into the room without knocking, all hyped up.

I shut the door behind me. Looking at him, I announce, "Okay, we need to have sex."

Chase chokes over his water, almost suffocating himself and his upper body shoots forward, his eyes grow a bit wide, "Wha--what?!"

I throw my bag over his bed and sit there by his side, "Yup, I need experience." I started to explain. I shrug casually, "I mean we don't need to do the actual thing," I carried on, "Just everything else leading to it."

His shock didn't drop away, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Look, I recently came to realize how inexperienced I am, I mean for god's sake, I haven't seen a real-life dick yet," At my words, he facepalmed, "God, Lilly!"

"What?" I asked innocently, "I've never done a blow job before, I need to learn that too," I hear him cough, probably shocking on his saliva, "I mean if I only put a finger in my mouth, I feel like I am gonna throw up, so how in hell a full dick is gonna fit in my mouth," I question curiously as I think the whole thing through.

"Lilly," Chase tries to say but I carry on.

"I didn't even know how to kiss, but look with you, I feel like I've learned," I explain, "Now, I wanna learn everything else."

"So?" I turn to him and ask.

His eyebrow raise, "So?"

"Will you be my sex Professor?" I ask and when he doesn't answer, I carry on, "Should we start now?"

"No." He answers seriously.

"What do you mean no?"

"You thought I am gonna say yes!"

I nod, "Of course."

"Why?"

"Because you're a guy, you think with your dick." Why would he refuse anyway.

He looks way too annoyed at the situation, and he huffs out, "And yeah, that's exactly why I would refuse."

I huff out, "Look, even though I am inexperienced yet i am a good sight for the eye," I point at myself, "You'd have your fun anyway, don't worry, you won't be taking any advantages of me or whatsoever."

"We can mix pleasure and business for the name of sex education." I add.

He shakes his head in disbelief, "You're insane."

"I know, now get over yourself and let's do this."

"Why me?" He ask, probably directing his question to god, not to me.

"You're my boyfriend." I answer in a matter of fact tone.

He rolls his eyes not buying it, "Why me?" He asks again.

"Because if girls in our school aren't going after Zack, they're going after you," I say, "And based on the way you kiss, I am pretty sure you've got the whole experience," A bitter taste comes to my mouth as I say that out loud.

One thing I know is that Chase never been in a serious relationship before, but I am pretty sure he had his flings, the girls at school don't miss a chance. I have seen them, heard them.

My jaw tightens at the thought and I continue, "So, you got what it takes to teach me."

"Lilly," He stresses out, running out of patience, "Really now, why me?"

I let out a loud breath and tell him the real reason, "Because...because sex and you know...being naked and all that requires a certain level on vulnerability, you'd be exposed to the other person, vulnerable," I said, "You don't need to be in love with the person to have sex, you only need to trust them."

I look at him, "And I trust you, more than anyone in this world."

********************

Based on last chapter's votes, not even one person is #teamZack, I am not shocked but it's funny because when I look back at "The Death Of Me", lots of people were actually team Nikolas, but still no one here is team Zack xD

As far as I know Zack didn't kill or rape anyone (I am not gonna talk bad of the dead) yet somehow he is getting more hate than Nikolas himself xD

Anyway, I liked your answers for last chapter's question about liking two peoples at the same time, because I was reading this book and the heroine was really in love with two different men and that left me beyond frustrated!!!

Now, this chapter's questions; Do you think Lilly and Max would ever find out about the things their parents went through in the past?

I really should work on "Bound by Vengeance" after this to catch up the timelines but writing about Chase and Lilly is so much easier xD

Stay tuned!
Love ya all♥️