"Our legacy is written in tear-stained ink;
my dear, tragedy, it runs in our blood."

*************

Nathan's POV

"Nathan," Christian's voice reverberated with desperation, "Lilly did nothing to you. Just let her go, please," He said, his words an anguished plea for her life, not that I was going to do anything to her anyway but it was nice to see him squirm, a small payback for what he did to me.

"Let her go and I will do anything you want, anything, just let her go—" Christian continued, his distress palpable into the air.

"I just don't understand," I interjected, my tone curious and detached, the notion too foreign to me, "What's so special about her?" My eyebrow raised, "She looks so basic to me. So, I'm just trying to understand—how did she get to have so much power over you?"

Christian's jaw tightened, a mixture of worry and anger evident in his eyes. Tied to the chair, he could only glare at me, "She is special to me because I love her," he grated out, the emotions boiling within him, "It's not my problem that you're fucking dead inside, and don't get that!"

I nodded, my lips curling slightly as I tried to think it through, "True, I've never been crazy about a girl before," I mused, my eyebrows furrowing in mock contemplation, "I wonder how that would feel," My gaze flickered all over Chritian's state, "It looks so exhausting," I nodded my head forward at him, "Considering your current miserable state."

Yeah, falling in love doesn't sound as fun as they make it out to be.

"Although I'm curious if such a girl exists for me," I continued, aware that time was a luxury I couldn't afford, "I prefer blondes, by the way, if you've got any of those lying around," Each casual word I uttered seemed to stoke and ignite the fury in his eyes, a reaction I took some satisfaction in.

"Nathan, for the love of god," He grated out, panting as he struggled with something deep inside, "Don't let them hurt her," He shook his head, "I would never forgive you—"

I shook my head, "I don't care for your forgiveness."

I leaned closer, my palms pressed on the chair's armrest, right beside his own, "Do you know how long I've looked around for you?" I spoke with a tinge of resentment, dredging up old bad memories, "You didn't even know me back then, and I had just gotten out of surgery, but the only thing on my mind was to find you. I knew you were out there, alive somewhere and I looked...looked everywhere for you," I added.

"I never stopped until I found you," I said, my words tightening the confused lines over his forehead, "I found you, living on the streets, starving, sick, and on the verge of giving up—"

My fingers tightened over the wood, my face so close to his and I wanted to fucking scream, "I gave you a home, I gave you someone, I gave you reasons to stay alive," I added, my anger mingling with a complex variety of emotions. Emotions I am not used to. Those that I didn't understand. Neither did I want to comprehend.

The weight pressed against my chest, tearing at the scarred tissues over my failing lung till it became so hard to breathe again.

"I was there for you when you needed someone and now when I need you the most, you turned your back on me and worked with those who were supposed to be our enemies!"

"We had a plan—" I added.

"You had a plan, Nathan," He interjected, his voice cutting through mine, "You had a fucking plan, not me," He grated out, the frustration painting his skin red, "You lied to me since day one, you lied to me even about your fucking name for god's sake," He added, accusing me too, "You lied and you manipulated me. To you, I was just a means to an end, a way to get in. You couldn't do it yourself; it was risky. They knew you, but not all of them knew me."

"You didn't look around for me; you didn't save me because you wanted to. You saved me only for yourself," he shot out, bitterness tainting his words.

"Even then, you lied to me about your so-called plan," He added, the truth unraveling, "The plan was simple, Nathan; I go after Alex, you go after Nikolas," His jaw ticked under the aggression of everything unfolding between us, "Alex killed my father and Nikolas killed yours, that was the fucking plan, wasn't it?"

The atmosphere grew dense, an unspoken heaviness settling over us as the tapestry of our shared history began to unravel.

He shook his head, a denial fueled by a raw sense of injustice, "I never agreed to hurt anyone innocent," He said, "Lilly was innocent, Max was innocent too. I never agreed to any of that, Nathan," He added, a surge of emotion propelling him forward, ready to rip me apart if I do or say more.

"In a war, there is no one innocent," I replied, my...father's words echoing like haunting whispers in my ears, "The innocent merely become the casualties of the guilty."

Christian shook his head, "Those are not your own words, Nathan. Those are not your beliefs. You allowed him to brainwash you into...whatever the fuck this is."

His voice was a mix of frustration and betrayal, "At least I know, I am aware, fully aware that my father was a very bad man. I know that, and on some level, I know that he deserved to die but...he is still my dad," Emotions so intense played in his eyes, they became glassy— the grey in them so prominent, like a misty labyrinth.

"I am hoping you are too aware of just how fucked up your own father was."

Oh, I am. I am more than aware now.

Which is why all of this fucking sucks— which is why I want to scream, so loud. I want to cry, to unleash a primal wail into the void, to fucking annihilate everything and everyone in my path. An indescribable amount of anger and fury resided deep within me, unfathomable, and I find myself without an outlet, suffocated by the enormity of it all.

He is gone—dead and beyond my reach. I can't bring him back, to ask him, to demand a fucking answer, I simply can't...

My jaw ticked and instead of acting all casual, as if none of this mattered, like nothing fucking mattered at all, my hand moved to Christian's shackled wrists and I released them. His eyes grew wide, not expecting this, thinking today would end with his death only, but I wasn't that cruel...

His flustered eyes flickered up to me as I took one step backward, his lips parted, and was about to ask me something but his gaze flickered behind me, and the words died on his lips. Before I could comprehend the other presence in the room, harsh hands curled over my sweatshirt, pulling me away and slamming me into the wall.

Blazing green eyes stared at me with a mixture of anger, fury, worry and so much more, "What the hell is your problem, Nathan?" Nikolas shot out, his voice bouncing off the walls, and it took me a second or two to absorb his presence. Here. He was here.

"You're here," I mumbled, taken aback by the fact.

Lines etched his eyebrows, "What is all of this? What the hell do you think are you doing?" He shot out, the muscles of his jaw working, more than ready to punch me, to let out all of his frustration over me but he held back for some reason.

The corner of my lips lifted up, just slightly, "You read my message," I said, realizing he had read my poem and understood it.

Lines etched between his eyebrows as he gazed at me, trying to understand something but failing. I don't blame him, I don't understand myself either.

"What the hell do you think this is?" He grated out, pushing me back against the wall, trapping me, "Is this a fucking game to you?" He added, gritting his teeth, "You think if anything would've happened to Lilly, I'd let you live? You think I wouldn't just fucking kill you at the spot?"

I shook my head, "No, I know that," I mumbled, my throat moving, swallowing past something lodging there, like a rock blocking all of my fucking airways, "I wasn't going to hurt her," I admitted, "I sent her with Noah for a reason, he has this...weird thing for her," I really don't get what they see in her, "I knew he wouldn't let her get hurt."

My words only added fuel to his enraged gaze and Christian was the one to speak this time, "Wait, you tricked me?" His words had me tilt my head to the side, to look at him through Nik's shoulder. I nodded with a smile, "Yeah, see, that's how much I love you."

Nikolas turned his head to the back, his eyes falling on Christian, his gaze taking notice of the bruise on his temple, "You okay?" He asked and Christian nodded his head before he rushed a frustrated hand over his face, both of them more than ready to bury me ten feet underground.

I really have a talent for provoking people, don't I?

Nikolas's eyes were back on me, "I was trying to protect you," He grated out, in disbelief at his own actions, because why, why would he protect me?

"But I can't keep doing that when you pull on shit like this!" He added, "People's life is not a game, Nathan, you need to understand that. You need to grow the fuck up. Someone could get hurt again. You can't keep doing this if you want me to be on your side!"

"I didn't ask you to be on my side," I mumbled lowly.

"Would you rather have me as your enemy, then?" He asked, his eyebrow arching, "I could be one hell of an enemy too if you prefer that," He grated out, "Because that's what you still believe in, I guess."

I silently shook my head as I looked back at him. I had filled my head with bad things about him to the point that I forgot, or maybe my traumatized brain suppressed it down. The real, old memories began to unravel; of him taking care of me, of him holding my hand, of wiping my tears, of wrapping his arms around my frail body, of nursing my wounds, of giving me promises of a better life...

Maybe...maybe he would've kept his promises if he had the chance, if things didn't turn out the way they did; If fate hadn't twisted its course.

Maybe I would've not grown up to be so messed up in the head.

Maybe I wouldn't be on the precipice of death now.

The echoes of what might have been lingered like fragments of a shattered dream, and I grappled with this realization.

The anger seemed to subdue in his gaze and his grip over me loosened. His confused concerned gaze flickered all over my face, his voice dropping down a notch, "What?" He asked, probably questioning the sudden shift in my body language and the decline in my once careless expression.

He searched my eyes, seeking an answer, a justification, a sliver of light that could provide reason for his actions. In that intense gaze, he searched for evidence, proof that I wasn't a lost cause, that a fragment of my former self still lingered.

A proof that I wasn't just Isaac's son.

My throat bobbed, and just as I was about to speak, distant gunshots echoed and shattered the air, freezing me in place. Nikolas's head snapped toward the door, the sound reverberating through his entire being. When his gaze met mine again, words spilled out in a rush, "It's not me, I swear," I shook my head, in a desperate defense, "I warned all of them not to shoot anyone, no matter what," I added, the truth hanging in the air.

Nikolas's jaw ticked, a tremor coursing through him as the worst scenarios cooked up in his mind. He edged backward, his gaze shifting to Christian, "Get him, and both of you get out of here," he grated out, visibly displeased with his own order, "I think Emma and Alex are here, and they won't keep either of you alive. So, get out, now," he added, his jaw ticking under the weight of these unfolding events.

Christian hesitated, concern etched across his face. "But, Lilly—"

Nikolas shook his head, glaring at him with a warning, "Don't make me kill you myself now," He grated out and Christian huffed out a low breath, his eyes flickering to me, glaring at me too, still salty at the ploy I pulled, "Come on."

I was about to follow him outside but Nikolas's hand curled over my arm, stopping me, "You hurt my son and I still kept you alive," There were a hundred different threats buried beneath his words, "Don't make me regret that, Nathan."

My gaze flickered from his hand over my arm and up to his face. My instincts worked and I found myself nodding my head for some fucked up reason.

He let go of me and with one last shared look, we headed in opposite directions.

My gaze flickered from the path where Nikolas had disappeared into and settled on Christian beside me, his entire frame pulsating with such a negative energy that started to pollute my air too. He abruptly paused to a stop, and so did I. His eyes bore into my face, his jaw ticking with a suppressed rage, and his hand on the side twitching, aching for a release.

Before I could register the impending strike, he moved closer and his fist collided with my jaw, propelling me backward.

"Christian, damn it," I blurted out, my hand instinctively reaching for the corner of my lips, already detecting the metallic taste of blood, "That was so uncalled for," I grumbled, though I couldn't blame him for the outburst.

Straightening myself, I shifted my gaze across the acreage before fixing it on Christian, "You wanna go back?" I asked as I wiped at my mouth, understanding the reason for his palpable anxiety. Seriously though, why does love her; it will always remain a mystery to me. 

Christian nodded his head and I let out a loud sigh, "Okay, let's go," I urged, turning around and moving back toward the eye of the storm.

He fell into step beside me, eyebrows furrowed, "You know they'd kill you on the spot, right," He commented, probably referring to Emma and Alex because for some reason Nikolas seemed exempt from that notion.

I shrugged, "Yeah, why else do you think I am doing all of this," I said with a wink.

Christian's confusion only doubled and instead of trying to understand me, he let out a low sigh and focused his gaze ahead of us. Casually, I threw my arm around his shoulder, "See, the things I'd do for you, mate," I commented.

He pushed me away instantly, "Yeah, kidnapping me and Lilly, such a great friend you are," He grated out and I rolled my eyes, "You're not gonna let that go, are you," I mumbled with a bored expression and his eyes grew slightly wide with his anger and he punched my arm, "It just happened, you dickhead!"

I rolled my eyes again, "Talk about holding a grudge," I mumbled, addressing his drama.

He huffed out and I smiled, it's been a while since I did this to him. It's heartwarming in a way. I'll miss him. Wait, do you miss people after you die?

"I really wish they'd just kill you," He grated out under his breath, having enough of me, "I can't wait to get rid of you."

He didn't know. Actually, not a lot of people did, "Don't worry, you will be getting rid of me sooner than you think."

*****************

Emma's POV

"We found her," the words cut through the stillness of the night, an alarm ringing in their tone. The urgency in one of my men's voices was palpable, a sharp pang that jolted both Alex and me to a sudden halt in our search.

Before we could suck into our next breath, we sprinted forward, guided only by the direction he frantically described.

God, disbelief clawed at my insides. How could Nikolas side with this fucking traitor, granting him the opportunity to escape and, worse yet, to kidnap Lilly? My brother would have spiraled into an abyss of madness if he decided to side with him again.

Night had claimed every inch of the farm, its darkness swallowing the landscape in an inky embrace. No lights punctuated the land, except for the glow of the moon. Its muted radiance cast long shadows, weaving a tapestry of uncertainty and worry as we navigated through the shadows.

Our footfalls resonated in the night, a hurried rhythm that mirrored the frantic thumping of our hearts.

God, for some reason, I had a soft spot for that girl and if Nathan dared to hurt her, I'd go on a fucking rampage.

The night air whispered with an unsettling stillness, rustles of leaves, and creaks of branches. I felt my chest clench tight by some weird force before gunshots pierced into the air and my panic amplified, racing through my veins like wildfire. Even from a distance, the scene unfolded in cruel details, threatening to demolish everything.

My eyes widened and the fear, a visceral force tore and ripped through me, "Cease fire!" I snapped, so fucking loud, enough to shake the whole land but I was late, so fucking late. I saw them, bullets, unleashed by my own men, cutting through the air, finding their mark, and hitting him. Even with the looming darkness, even with the unforgiving distance, I saw him, I recognized only him. How can I not?

The bullets that left their guns and hit my boy in the chest, felt like they went straight into my frantic heart, tearing it into irreparable pieces and I ran, screaming, pushing between everyone, and trying to reach for him. His face twisted in pain, his palm landed on the tree, trying to hold his weakened body up, failing and my arms reached for him just in time before he went crashing down.

He crashed into my chest instead and my arms held him so tight, falling with him into the cold unforgiving ground as the whole world around me fell into unsettling silence. Pain and fear entwined within me, an indescribable agony as I wrapped one arm around his back, keeping him so close. My other hand went to his face, feeling him, looking down at him as his eyes found mine, his chest heaving, panting as he tried to catch his next breath and failed.

My gaze lifted up, to Alex, to Lilly, frozen in his embrace and I shot out at him, "Call an ambulance, now!" I snapped before I returned my gaze to Noah, gently palming his cheek and nodding, "You gonna be okay, you will be okay, I promise," I weakly mumbled, my face edging closer and my lips resting over his forehead, warm still, and I whispered repeatedly, over and over again, "You will be okay," Because the other scenario was not a fucking option.

I felt his fingers, warm still, reach for my arm, wrapping there and I edged backward, looking at him as he whispered, "I am so sorry," He mumbled with a raw weakness, with the pain ripping at his insides and I shook my head, bewildered at everything, "No, no, you've got nothing to apologize for," It's me, me, my men, my orders, it's all on me.

It's all my fault.

I smoothed his hair back, "You will be okay," I added again, failing to convince myself, and felt them, hot and wet as they traced a path down my cheeks. He shook his head, "I...I betrayed your trust, I am so sorry," He mumbled, guilt painting his eyes a very light shade and I shook my head, refusing it all, "I hel...helped Nathan," I shook my head again, none of it mattered, nothing else mattered.

Pieces fell into place and I understood his words and implications from the other day, "It doesn't matter, I don't care, none of that matters," I mumbled, shaking my head again, "We will figure it out, okay, we will, all of it, I promise," I added, stroking his temple and the side of his hair, watching the lone tear that left his eyes and fell down to the side before it dropped over my fingers.

A sob tore my throat, and the tightness in my chest blocked all of my airways, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think of anything, and I couldn't stop my mind from falling into that dark pit, I couldn't stop my world from unraveling, and I held him so close, burying my face into his hair as I cried, I don't think I've cried like this before, my vision blurred and every nerve in my body pulsed with pain too agonizing, "I love you so much," I mumbled into his hair, wetting it with my anguished tears, "My sweet boy, I am so sorry."

"I love you too," He mumbled, his weak energyless voice trying to give me some power, "It will be okay, don't worry," The desperation in his fingers over my wrist had me pull back just slightly. Staring at his beautiful face, at his weak faint smile. Oh god, I couldn't hold back the torrent of my emotions consuming me. The little boy I've kept around, the one I raised because I've loved without needing a reason to, that little boy, grew up to be a man, a fearless fighter. That little boy was going to leave me now, wasn't he?

"Where is the ambulance, Alex, where are they," I mumbled ever so brokenly, crying out because I couldn't do anything else.

"They're on their way," Alex whispered, too bewildered, too shocked to make another thought at the sudden turn of events.

Through my blurry vision, I saw Lilly too, a silent witness to the tragedy unfolding. She sat across from me, falling to her knees, her tears silent as they fell through uncontrollably, her gaze on Noah and me. No words made it out. Nothing.

The world seemed to slow, the night swallowing the anguish that radiated from my shattered heart, as I cradled the boy who had become a casualty of the very chaos I had unwittingly unleashed.

Noah's face twisted in pain and I lost sense of everything. His chest heaved and his next breath hitched as he struggled with the immense pain eating at his inside.

I tried to get a grip, to take control of the situation and I urged Lilly to get close, "Come here," Silently, she listened, edging closer as I moved Noah around as carefully as I could. He winced again, his face contouring in pain that demolished me. I rested his head in her lap and she protectively cradled him, clutching into him like he could just disappear or slip from between her fingers.

I sniffled, trying to think with my mind and not my failing broken heart. I ripped his shirt open, checking his wound and my hands shook uncontrollably with a type of fear I am not accustomed to. I pulled my shirt over my head, staying in the tank top under. Despite the biting cold enveloping us, I felt nothing except the searing heat spreading over my chest and stomach, an internal bleeding that mirrored the external turmoil.

Tearing a portion of fabric, I draped it over Noah's wound, applying pressure with desperation to stop the blood from spurring forward and draining him.

Noah's groan echoed the palpable pain coursing through his body, each anguished expression stabbing at the core of my being. Every effort to staunch the bleeding felt like a battle, the cloth became painted in a crimson tide, wrapping around my fingers and my tears fell through again, because I could feel it, so close, looming over us. All the lives I've taken over the years whispering in my ears, of how they'd take him away from me.

I wanted to reach for him again, to hug him, to hold him because I felt that...that I would never get the chance to do it again.

*****************

Lilly's POV

I kept my eyes focused on him, my tears hot as they kept falling, I couldn't stop them, I couldn't blink even, I couldn't control any reaction my body was making.

I couldn't think. I couldn't move. I was stuck, frozen in the eye of this relentless hurricane.

My fingers softly carressed his face, feeling as his cheeks turned cold, or maybe it was my fingers or maybe just what I was feeling on the inside, I wasn't sure. My other hand was on the side of his neck, trying to feel his pulse, so weak, so fragile but still there nevertheless.

We were supposed to run together.

We were supposed to make it out of here.

He was supposed to stay unharmed, to not be dragged into a battle that wasn't even his. If anyone should be hurt and bleeding, it should be me, not him, definitely not him. What's his fault?

Life can not be this cruel, it just can't...

He couldn't master the enough energy to pry his eyelids open, his skin so pale under the moonlight, the pain too strong as it took a grip over him and I failed to do anything but stay frozen as Emma opened his shirt and applied pressure to his wounds. I edged my head closer, my lips pressing into his forehead, my eyes pressing shut, unable to witness more of this, "Why did you do this, Noah," I mumbled ever so brokenly.

At this moment, I wished that he was really working for Nathan, that he didn't care for me one bit, that he wasn't willing to protect me the way he did, that he hated me and maybe then, I would be the one in the clutches of death, and not him.

"You know why," His weak strained voice had me open my eyes, looking down at him. Pain tightened the lines on his forehead, it painted every edge of his face and his eyes opened only halfway, his voice only clear for me and Emma, "I told you before, Lilly, this is my family."

My heart shattered once again, this time in a way it will never be repaired.

He told me before;

That this was his family.

That family isn't who you're born into, but it's who you are willing to die for.

And this same family killed him.

This family failed him.

We all failed him.

My eyes widened, and my hand over his neck, the one over his pulse, shook and trembled at the sudden absent sensation.

The wailing sirens of the approaching ambulance cut through the heavy air, jolting me back to the present. Amidst the chaotic whirlwind, I struggled to comprehend the paramedics' hurried movements as they rushed towards us, their equipment ready. It took every ounce of strength to pull back as they took him away, strapping him to the stretcher. One of them assessed his wound, while another placed the oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

Emma joined them in the ambulance without a care for their protests and I felt someone's hand wrap over my arm, pulling me up from the sea of despair. My eyes flickered up, falling on Dad's face, "Let's go," He urged, his voice softer than usual, and his worried gaze caressing my face.

Not a single word escaped my lips; I allowed him to guide me to the car. I was so detached, and oblivious to the people surrounding us. It wasn't until I raised my gaze that a pair of blue eyes locked with mine, bringing my entire world to a crashing halt once again.

Turning my head, looking over my shoulder at the scene we left behind—the blood staining the grass—I trembled once more.

Raising my eyes, I met Christian's gaze from a distance. Bewilderment and concern painted his features. Without a reaction from me or even a spoken word, I turned back, fixing my gaze ahead.

Dad handed the keys to Chase, pulling him out of his trance, "You drive," he instructed before opening the backseat door for me.

I got inside and Dad followed right away. The second the door was closed, Chase was already pulling the car into the street, following the ambulance to the hospital. Dad's arm came around my shoulders, pulling my frail body into his. I snuggled closer to his warm embrace, my head falling into his chest. I couldn't care for anything else, I couldn't even recall our last encounter, nor his hurtful words or mine.

Everything weighed nothing against this unfolding tragedy. 

Everything fell meaningless in the face of death.

I was shivering, the coldness in my chest biting at my skin and I felt Dad tighten his arms around me, running his hand up and down my arm, and sensing my unraveling state. I felt him press a kiss on the top of my head and he whispered something but I didn't hear him. I didn't want to hear, or see, or feel anything.

"I didn't feel his pulse," I mumbled, my temple still pressed against Dad's chest, my eyes focused on the window as the rain began to fall, pelting softly against the transparent glass, blurring it and my vision.

Dad tensed slightly, "What?"

"Before they took him, I didn't feel his pulse," I added, my voice so low, my calm tone a contradiction to everything crumbling around us.

Dad said nothing after, or maybe he did but I didn't hear him. I just kept watching the rain, my eyes focused on the blurry image till the car reached a stop. Dad shifted in his seat, opening the door and pulling me along with him. My body and brain weren't making decisions for me anymore, I felt like a shell, empty, so damn empty and I allowed Dad to move me as he pleased.

"Come, Lilly, sit here," He urged, his touch gentle as he led me to the cold seat, "I will be back in a bit, okay," He added in reassurance. I looked up at him and silently nodded my head.

He said something to Chase before he walked away, most probably to find Emma. My gaze fell to my lap, to my trembling hands and another shiver coursed through me, an uncontrollable force, and goosebumps erupted across my skin.

Suddenly, a gentle warmth enveloped my arms and shoulders. Raising my eyes, I witnessed Chase placing his jacket around me before he occupied the seat beside mine. Despite the physical warmth, an internal chill persisted, echoing the numbness within my soul.

Chase didn't remove his arm from over my shoulder, he kept it there, his other hand reaching for my cold cheek, brushing there before he tucked my hair behind my ear. Anguished lines tightened between his eyebrows, the concern and guilt bleeding through his eyes, they were almost glassy, ready to break as they searched the devastation in mine.

He shook his head, whispering to himself, "I should've not left you alone."

"We were going to leave, he was going to leave but I insisted we look for you first," I mumbled out of the blue, coming to terms with the events that unfolded, slowly. I shook my head, "I made him stay, did...did I," My breath hitched, the mirage slowly unraveled from around me, the veil going down and I started to see everything, to hear everything, "Did I cause this to happen too?"

"Did my decision make Noah die?" I asked, the tears filling my eyes once again.

"Lilly, don't say that, they just got him here, he will...he will be okay," He didn't seem to believe in those words either.

The tears fell down, "No, he died, I felt it, he...died," I mumbled between my tears, "He is gone."

"Noah is gone and it's all my fault, he was protecting me, he died for me," I shook my head, closing my eyes to blind myself from this reality. Chase pulled me into his chest, hugging me, holding me as I broke down, as I cried, "It's not fair, this is not fair, not fair at all..."

Death; I knew it, heard of it uncountable times but it only lingered in the shadows of words, always like an elusive ghost you heard of but seldom saw; and the longer it stayed away from you, the more you wondered if it's even real.

Like an ethereal concept, a whisper carried by the winds of countless tales.

Like the monster under your bed when you were little, you believed in it, but you didn't...you didn't for once see it, you didn't understand its presence but you imagined it and felt it looming all around you.

Death never treaded so close to me and that was a blessing. It spared those closest to me...till now, till today. It felt like he brushed his cold hand against mine, to remind me that he was here, existing.

That he could come at any time.

That he could take anyone.

That life was just a finite fragile thing we cling to with all of our powers.

That this journey had an inevitable destination;

A truth often forgotten until Death, the reaper, a persistent visitor, comes to remind us.

*************

My gaze shifted to the left, where Emma stood alongside Uncle Roman, both consumed by immense fear and distress. He clung to Emma, keeping her tucked so close, dropping tender kisses over her head and whispering soothing words, attempting to offer her hope. But hope didn't exist here. Why did no one else see it but me? Why do they all refuse to acknowledge it? Can't they feel it?

My eyes drifted to my right, where Dad leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. His expression was unreadable to me, too chaotic but also less expressive than usual.

My eyes left him and fell across, at Nikolas, as he stood at a distance away from Emma and Dad, his back to the wall, his hand in his front pocket, and his eyes on the ground till he sensed my unwavering gaze. They flickered up and met mine. His eyebrows furrowed at the sight of my devastated face. Out of them all, he felt it too, sensed the weight of impending doom, like me, he knew. I could see it in the depth of his gaze.

Chase, beside me, never once loosened his grip from around me. His eyes were lost in a maze of guilt and worry. He said no words after I sobbed in his embrace. The distress stripped away the light from his gaze and face, for, like me, he had now tasted the heavy reality of death for the very first time.

The operation theatre's door slid open and the doctor walked outside, his heavy footsteps a definite sign. His gaze drifted between us as he lowered his mask down, searching for who he was supposed to drop the news on. Uncle Roman and Emma stepped forward, embracing themselves for the inevitable and he spoke.

My finger tightened over Chase's arm, squeezing at it with all my power. I wanted to stuff my ears with cotton and I didn't want to hear a single word. I knew it happened, but hearing it out loud from him was bound to unravel everything again.

"We did everything we could, but..."

I didn't need to hear more. My eyes pressed shut, fingers still tightly gripping Chase's flesh, using him as an anchor to keep me afloat, preventing the imminent descent into an abyss of despair. No, not now, not...not yet. No.

Forcing my eyelids open, I watched as the doctor concluded his somber sentences, taking a step backward, granting us the space to swallow the bitter pill of reality.

My eyes were on Emma, "No," She whispered, her gaze going to Uncle Roman and she shook his head, "No, he is lying, Roman, he is lying," Her words stumbled out, the sadness quenching her eyebrows and the agony stripping everything away from her, "Please go. Go and see him, he is lying, he is lying, Noah didn't die, my boy is alive, please go and see him—"

Uncle Roman rested his hands over her arms, his expression a quivering mess too and he shook his head, "Emma, please—"

She shook her head again, "He didn't die, I didn't...Roman, he is lying, I didn't kill my boy," Tears broke through, and a torrent of emotions flooded the room, demolishing her, me, and everyone, "Please tell me I didn't kill my boy, please, this can't be happening, no," A force so strong shook her shoulders, "No, I didn't kill my boy, oh my god, Noah," She gasped, unable to grasp the situation and I don't think I've ever seen her lose control like this.

I don't think she ever did before...

Nikolas and Dad inched closer to her, and I got up, breaking contact with Chase, who called for me as I headed for the doctor. Catching up with him before he left, his eyes met mine, and I whispered, "Can I see him?"

The doctor gave me a sympathetic nod, "I will tell them to get you when they're done," he informed me, and I stood by the wall, away from everyone, as I waited.

When the nurse gave me the green light, on heavy footsteps, I strode forward. The lump in my throat expanded, a heavy rock falling into my chest, into a hollow space within. My heart was too shattered to even carry its weight.

She left me by the entrance of the room, and my palm fell onto the door's edge, grasping into it, attempting to hold myself up in a world whose mission was to bring me down. I gathered whatever strength or courage I had in me before I treaded into the room. It smelled like antiseptics, like the sterile ambiance of a place meant for...healing.

But no, there was no healing here.

There was death only.

A shiver raced up my spine, eluding me of everything logical, of everything normal, of everything good and happy as I paused by the bed.

There, he laid. So peaceful. So pale. The tranquil contours of his face looked almost surreal, as if he were asleep...just sleeping and I could wake him up by a gentle touch.

The room echoed with silence, disrupted only by the soft hum of fluorescent lights. It was an unsettling contrast to the storm raging within me.

His...lifeless body held an air of serenity that contradicted the chaos of my messy emotions.

His eyelids were closed, hiding eyes I've known, eyes soft, warm and so caring. His tousled hair framed his face, his peaceful innocent face that I will never see again.

The tears welled up, blurring my vision, as I reached my hand out to touch his face. The coldness of his skin sent a shock through my fingertips and I gasped, my breathing getting cut off by the intensity of the moment. Tears fell through and I tilted my head, gazing at him for the...last time.

"Noah," I whispered as if he could hear me, but he couldn't, and a sob tore from my sore throat at the realization.

I blinked and more tears went through, my fingers brushed his skin and I crumbled and died all over again. With my whole body shaking, I leaned down, edging closer, my trembling lips meeting his cold forehead and I left a small kiss there, "I will miss you so much," I whispered, edging back to look at his face, to remember it, to etch it deep into my memory, because I was so scared I would forget it one day.

Life was so cruel.

So unfair.

It should've been me. Not him. Just me.

I shook my head, my tears falling, one after the other, unstoppable and I backed away, crashing against the wall, dragging myself down, wrapping my arms around my stomach, pressing hard, maybe I could extract the pain out but it only consumed me harder.

I thought I knew pain before. But no, I didn't.

This was a real pain. Raw. Consuming. Intense.

This is what it feels like to lose someone.

And I lost. I tripped and fell. I looked around me, there was no one to pick me up. I didn't hide behind a wall. I didn't run away. I sat there and I endured it all. Every ounce of it till it saturated me whole.

***************

One day later...

I read once that humans are built in a way that allows them to move on. Move on from tragedy. From heartbreak. From pain. From death.

I read that these bad, painful feelings are not stored in your memory, that time, like a benevolent healer, stitches the wounds, and life moves forward. But, as I sit here amidst the remnants of my shattered world, I can't help but feel that the words on those pages were a mere illusion.

A lie.

Just like everything else is.

My gaze flickered from the jet's window, falling on Emma in the distance. Her pain, a hundred times more intense than mine, resonated in the heaviness of the air. The desire to offer her solace tugged at my heartstrings. I yearned to comfort her, to find the right words, but how can I offer what I don't have?

Uncle Roman didn't leave her side for once. She sought refuge in the shelter of his embrace, her head resting on his chest, his arm a protective shield around her shoulders. In their shared silence, they navigated this messy storm of grief together.

My chest tightened, squeezing so hard, the weight of emotions pressing on my own turbulent sea. I averted my gaze, unwilling to intrude on them any longer. Instead, my eyes found Wyatt, seated all alone by the other window.

His temple pressed against the cold glass, he stared into the vast expanse of the sky. A single tear, a silent testament to his inner turmoil, traced a path down his cheek. Instinctively, he brushed it away, as if erasing the visible evidence of his vulnerability.

I felt someone occupy the empty seat beside me, I focused my attention there and looked at Max as he settled down. His eyes flickered all over my face, worry darkening those beautiful eyes of his, and he brought his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him, "You know that I am always here for you, right," He mumbled, his other arm going around my body before I felt him kiss my head.

I relaxed into his embrace, just like Dad's, it was so warm and comfy. I nodded my head, "I know," I let my arm sneak around his waist, "I love you so much," I mumbled, realizing just how little we tell this to the people in our lives.

We don't say it enough.

Instead, we say hurtful things without thinking how that could be the last thing we ever say.

Max tightened his arm around me, "I love you too," He mumbled, rubbing his hand up and down my arm, "Just try and rest, you haven't slept at all," He urged and his comfy embrace had my eyelids drop down, exhausted, energy-less and so tired.

"We have a long flight ahead," Were the only words I heard him say before I fell asleep.

In my dreams, I only saw Noah, and I wanted to stay there forever.

***************

London, England

The funeral, the burial; they said that it should be done here, in London.

Right where every member of the family was buried.

Where the family's legacy was etched in the soil.

And Noah, was a member of that family.

He deserved a proper farewell.

A lot of people attended. Those that I didn't even know or recognize.

The atmosphere at the wake clung to the heavy scent of lilies and mournful whispers. Dad, Mom, and Max didn't leave my side, each more concerned than the other. I was silent all through the rituals, but I was internally enduring every pain. I wasn't in denial like they all thought I was.

I just don't think anyone is capable of accepting...death.

I know Noah is gone and he is never coming back.

But I don't how exactly I will get to deal with that fact.

Sally was here too, she cried her eyes out all through the day. I was thankful that Conner was here too, as he held her through this storm. I wasn't exactly a reliable friend today.

As the ritual unfolded, I stood amidst the sea of people, my eyes fixed on Emma only, a wounded figure. She held herself well, she looked strong and in power in front of all these people; a façade, because it's what a true leader does.

She could grieve him when this day was over but now, she needed to stand still or everything around her would unravel.

God, I wanted to be by her side only. I wanted to hug her, for her to hug me, to tell me everything about him that I didn't know but I never spotted her alone, not for a minute even. They surrounded her at every moment of this horrendous day and I think the only thing she wanted was to be away and grieve him alone and silently.

As the memorial service ended, and attendees gradually departed for the chapel, I seized the opportunity to escape before my parents noticed my absence. The crowd dispersed, leaving the cemetery eerily quiet. This was my only chance to return to Noah before the day unfolded any further.

Reaching his grave, I lowered myself down, settling on the wet grass beside him. It had rained earlier today. The earth itself crying and mourning him alongside me.

My hand fell into the side of the cold gravestone, "Hey," I mumbled, "Is it true what they say, that dead people could hear us," I said, my head tilting to the side, "Can you hear me, Noah?"

Silence.

This is how it will be from now onwards; Me, speaking. Him, always silent.

I let my hand fall from the headstone, a very somber smile lifting my lips, "Can you become a ghost and haunt me, I would really appreciate that," I added, a tear falling down as I recalled how he was the only one who always laughed at my silly jokes.

One tear, transformed into two, then into three before they became an unstoppable downpour, "Do you remember when I first met you," I mumbled, "I recall how you got so nervous," I added, smiling through my tears, "You thought I caught you stalking me, didn't you," I said, "I still can't believe you stalked me for two years before that and I didn't even notice you, and yes, it was stalking, you can't deny that," I added, "I really wish we met before that."

I would've had more time with him.

The sound of glass crunching underfoot echoed as someone approached me, which made me lift my hands and wipe away the tears on my face. The same someone lowered himself to the ground, taking a seat beside me on the damp grass.

His familiar scent enveloped me like a comforting shroud, causing the tension in my shoulders to release. I turned my head to the right, looking at him. His side profile spoke volumes, and even though he didn't know Noah that well, this incident seemed to hit him deeply.

It was as if he could feel the echoes of my own pain.

He had declined to fly his father's jet here; instead, they all flew with us on Emma's private jet. I think he wasn't in the right state of mind to do so. His gaze, initially fixated on the headstone, shifted to meet my eyes. Those blue eyes, ones I've loved since my childhood, held a turmoil that words couldn't capture— like an untamed sea under a tumultuous sky.

"We never," I started, "You and I, we've never been through something like this before," I said and he shook his head, his expression proving that he was having the same thoughts.

"I remember when my mom told me," His eyebrows pulled closer, an unfamiliar ache etching his face, "How she lost her whole family at once," He shook his head, "I couldn't understand how one person can handle such a thing, I still can't."

I sniffled, the thought too painful to even comprehend. Losing mom or dad was out of the equation...I'd never handle something like that. I can barely handle this. I would rather die than ever have to witness such a day.

I shifted, leaning my head and pressing it into Chase's arm, "God, I hope we'd never have to go through that," I mumbled, the veil lifting as we both saw the disturbing reality of this life.

Chase brought his arm around my back, leaning into me as I leaned into him.

"Chase," I whispered, pulling just slightly so I could look up at his face.

"Yeah?" He whispered, in such a vulnerable way that made me feel like he would do anything I'd ask from him.

"Maybe I came to this realization late, but people...die," I mumbled, my lower lip trembling, "Anyone could die at any moment yet we live this life as if it is forever, we...we hurt people, we do things, we forget to say the important things and—"

Tears blurred my vision once again, "And there is so much I want to tell you," I mumbled.

I brought my hand to his face, feeling him because I still can, "I am so sorry," I started with the most important thing and Chase was already shaking his head, "Please, let me finish first," I pleaded, in desperate need to speak or I will explode, or else my agony would take over and destroy me forever.

"I am so sorry that I broke your heart, that I broke every promise I ever made, I am sorry that I pushed you away, that I ignored your pain and only focused on mine, that I went ahead and dated someone else, that I allowed myself to move on from you," I shook my head, "I am sorry that I've hurt you and I know, even if you deny it, I know how that pain, is still inside of you," I felt it in every touch, in every whispered word, and even in the rhythm of every melody he plays.

"I know that you looked past that pain recently, to...to do my dad a favor-"

"Lilly, no—"

I shook my head, "I know, okay, I know, even if Dad was the one who asked you, I know your true feelings, Chase, you don't have to justify anything to me," I said, "But despite that, I've hurt you and I don't think you ever dealt with that pain," I said, "As I said, you and me, we never lost, we don't know how to deal with loss."

I brushed my hand over his cheek, my tears falling through, these last days taking everything from me and I wasn't scared of more anymore, "It's okay," I mumbled, my forehead falling into his, "I love you so much, Chase, more than I understand, more than I can comprehend."

His eyelids fell down, listening to me, and for once, he felt them all, they pushed through him and I saw them, a couple of tears breaking the threshold and falling down his cheek, carrying with them a heartbreak he's finally letting go of.

He pried his eyelids open and in those eyes, I saw my whole world. In those agonizingly beautiful eyes, I saw my beginning and end.

God, there was never a choice to be made. Never. It was always him. Just him. Him and only him. In my heart, in my mind, in my soul, and deep in my blood.

I edged back just a bit and wiped his tears away. He tightened his arm around me, pulling me closer. He shook his head, "I can't lose you again, Lilly," He admitted, "I don't...breathe when you are away, I don't function, I don't live," He shook his head, "I can't afford to lose you again, Lilly, it nearly destroyed me the first time."

"I've loved you since I was a kid, a kid who didn't even know what love is," He said and my heart, the broken shattered one, its shredded pieces hurt, they hurt so bad, and he shook his head again, that other tear that left his eyes nearly ruined me, "So don't do what I know you are going to do now, please, Lilly, don't."

He knows me like no one else does.

I hiccupped a sob, "We can't be together, Chase, not...not now," I shook my head and he pressed his eyes shut, "Just not now, I am too messed up, too broken, too weak. And only now, after all these years that I am actually growing up, I need this time, I need just time, to fix this broken thing in me, I just want time," I mumbled, desperate, a plea in my voice, "I need time for me, I did a mistake when I rushed into this again. It's what I always do."

"I run away because running is easier, and if I keep doing this, I will never fix the mess that is me."

I stroked his cheek, hoping he would believe in me this one time, "If I stay with you now, I will keep running into your arms to ignore my pain and my mistakes, I will use you as a distraction and I will always stay stuck in the same loop, so can you, can you please give me time, just time, and I promise...I promise I will bring you back your little ribbon."

"But she is here, Lilly," He said, ever so brokenly as he cupped my cheek, "She is right here, and you are taking her away from me again-"

I shook my head, "I am not going anywhere, Chase, please, this one time, all I am asking is for you to believe in me," I took his hand in mine and pressed it over my chest, maybe he could feel the mess, the agony, the pain, all racing within me, "Can you believe in me this one time only?"

His eyes looked at mine, silent for a second too long, his hand held in mine, pressed into my chest, and he nodded his head. I felt my shoulders falling down, the pressure releasing and before I could do it, he did. He closed the little distance between us and his mouth fell into mine, his lips locking my own into a promise, a vow, one like nothing before.

Before, I was reckless, I was immature, I was selfish, and made promises bigger than myself.

Now, I was ready to keep my promises till the day I breathed my last.

I kissed him back and felt my inside shatter, and fall apart before falling back into place.

When he edged backward, I broke the contact of our skins, all of me aching to stay attached to his body forever. I wiped my tears as he wiped his own, both of us learning, adjusting, and growing up.

Chase pulled himself up to his feet, his hand extended for me. I placed it in his own, his warm fingers wrapping over mine and he helped me get up. He seemed ready to walk away and I hesitated, "I just need a minute or two alone and I will follow you," I mumbled and he nodded in understatement before he started to head out of the cemetery.

As I turned my gaze back to the grave, I drew in a deep breath, using my hands to wipe my face clean. Gathering my strength, I refocused on the headstone, ready to express the words forming in my mind, "I—"

Before I could continue, the subtle sound of approaching footsteps reached my ears from the other side. Expecting it to be Chase again, I turned around, prepared to ask but I froze at the unexpected sight that met my eyes.

Out of everyone, he is the last person I expected to be here.

He didn't spare me a glance; his focus remained on the headstone as he stepped closer. A hand was tucked into the front pocket of his pants, his expression grave. Dressed in a black shirt and a suit jacket, the first few buttons of his shirt were open, and his tie hung loosely—a clear sign that he had been pulling on it, a silent struggle for breath.

He looked like he was dressed for a funeral.

Was he here all along?

My eyes flickered all over him, assessing his body language, and my hand on the side fisted, my fingers curled into the inside of my palm as the buried anger climbed to the surface.

His hair was tousled over the top of his head, a few strands covering and curling over his forehead. The previous cut over his nose was prominent. My gaze didn't waver, taking everything of him in; it was only then that I noticed the very faint scar running down the side of his right eyebrow.

He lifted his eyes up and finally looked at me, his stance so different, it left me baffled.

"What are you doing here?" I grated out.

Nathan brought his hand up and rested it over the stone, "Despite popular belief, I kind of cared for Noah."

That was my driving force and I moved forward, "You did, really?" My eyes narrowed at him, "You held his mother captive, you threatened him, you...you are the reason he is dead!"

He shook his head, "Actually, I let his mother go after the first time," He answered, "It's not my fault she was a cowered, a sick excuse of a mother who didn't dare to face her son," He added and my heart clenched so tight.

God, Noah deserved so much better...Better than her, better than me, better than all of us.

"He believed I still had her and he listened to me. You see, Lilly, I don't need to always use physical power," He spoke, "It's all in here," He added as he tapped his forefinger over his temple.

My jaw tightened, the ache in my chest too strong, the anger, even stronger, "This is what all of this is to you; a game," I said, and his lifeless eyes were focused on mine, neutral, expressionless, dead, "People's lives are not a game."

I shook my head, "You ruined our lives, Nathan."

"It all started the day you and Christian walked into my life."

He shook his head, "We didn't start anything, little one," He said, "We only resumed what was already there."

I stepped closer, "What do you mean?" I asked, buying myself time.

"What I mean is; tragedy, it kind of runs in our blood," He answered.

I took another step closer, my hand in my coat's pocket, "Don't speak of it as if we are from the same family."

His eyebrow raised, "In a way, we are."

I paused when I was so close, so close I could hear him breathing, alive, heart beating, skin warm; unlike Noah.

I shook my head, refusing that and everything about him, "No, we are not a family."

"And why is that?"

I smiled, "Because I would never do this to my family."

His eyebrows pulled closer, for once unable to understand me, "Do what-"

Before he could complete his sentence, I pulled the knife from my pocket and pushed it into his flesh. My hand landed on his arm and I used my position to push the knife further into his flesh, not hesitating for a second even. I felt the blood seep out from his skin and into my fingers. There was no regret, no guilt, nothing.

His eyes widened, taken off guard, because he would've never expected this. Not from me. Not from Lilly, because Lilly was stupid. The Lilly he knew, would be scared, she would cry and go hide behind her dad. The Lilly he knew would crumble. The Lilly he knew wouldn't think of spilling someone's blood.

"This is for Noah," I grated out as I twisted the knife once.

He groaned. God, I never thought the sound of his agony would be so beautiful, "And this is for Max," My teeth clenched and I twisted the knife again.

"And this one is for Nathan," I twisted it one last time before I pulled it out, finally releasing him.

He stumbled backward, his hand going to his stomach, pressing over his bleeding wound. Shock twisted the pain on his expression and I hid my knife back in its place before I wiped my bloodied hand over my coat and turned around, walking away.

I heard his bewildered shout for my name, the sound of his body failing him and falling to the ground but I didn't turn around and I kept walking.

There was no regret, no guilt, nothing.

************************************

Hey!

This felt like a long and a heavy chapter. Phew.

What's your thoughts? :(

I know everyone sympathizes with Nathan and everyone hates Lilly, but if you put yourself in her shoes, she is right at what she did in the last part...

Don't forget to vote and comment your opinions.

See ya soon :)