Chapter 46 - Because of you

"It didn't happen to me, it happened in me."

**************

Nikolas's POV

My eyes traced uneasily across each word, my heart clenching in my chest as I tried to make sense of the meaning behind every medical term. Though far from a doctor I was, a chilling realization settled in. I could glean some understanding, enough to decipher the hazardous implications that lay within those pages.

The myriad test results painted a harrowing picture, each line intensifying the knot of worry tightening in my stomach. The stark reality unfolded before me, of how his lung was deteriorating at an alarming rate. The decline was exponential, and despite all attempts, the medications showed no fruitful outcomes.

My eyes lifted, finding Ronald pacing back and forth, the weight of stress visible in every step. I was the one who dropped this news on him, I told him to seek out Nathan's doctor and obtain the diagnosis. "A transplant?" I questioned, the notion being the only apparent solution my mind could grasp.

Ronald halted in his pacing, his eyes locking onto mine, "His doctor mentioned that he's already on the transplant list," he informed me, shaking his head with a heavy weight on his shoulders. "Unfortunately, there are no compatible matches yet, even though Nathan is high up on the list," he continued, his throat bobbing as he swallowed hard. "The doctor mentioned it would be a miracle if they could secure a lung for him before...well, before you know what."

My jaw tightened, fingers tapping anxiously over the desk's surface as my eyes fixated on the many words and scanned pictures, lost in contemplation. The words slipped out of my mouth almost involuntarily, "I can get him a lung."

Ronald's eyebrows furrowed, attempting to discern the implications of my statement. "Nikolas," he began, his tone tinged with uncertainty, questioning the methods I was considering.

My eyebrow arched defiantly, "You are aware of what we do around here, Ronald, right?"

"Yes, but—" He shook his head, teeth clenched, bewildered as he continued, "Look, he is my little brother, and I definitely don't want him to die, but that doesn't mean we're going to take an innocent person's lung and give it to him. There is a line, Nikolas, boundaries we can't cross!"

"Yeah, well, it was always my job to cross those lines," I declared, my nonchalant tone sparking frustration in Ronald's eyes as he vehemently disagreed with me.

"Look, I don't know about you but I won't be able to live with myself knowing that my brother is alive just because someone else died," He shook his head, being the annoying voice of ethics and morals, "And I know you are overwhelmed by guilt right now, but let's not forget all the bad things he did."

Indeed, overwhelmed by guilt, I was. That's why I'm trying— desperately attempting to overlook everything Nathan did. I'm trying to avert my thoughts from the haunting image of my little boy bleeding in my arms, from the agony I see in Max's eyes each time...I am trying, so why the fuck does everyone insist on forcing me to see it again?!

My jaw ticked, a mixture of fury and desperation coursing through me. "Look, I'm not saying let's kill people on the streets," I grated out, the intensity of my troubled emotions evident. "There are plenty of bad people out there with healthy lungs; I can assure you the world won't miss them," I justified my thoughts, but Ronald shook his head with uncertainty. "And what's your guarantee to find the perfect match among those specific people?"

"I will figure it out," I asserted.

Ronald sighed loudly before he dropped into the chair across from my desk, his shoulders slumping, the weight of the truth stripping away his energy and will, "I really have no idea what we're supposed to do now," he mumbled, just as lost as I am.

"For starters, we need to keep an eye on him," I said, my words lifting Ronald's gaze to me. "He's still unstable; he could still do more harm. I saw it in his eyes today," I added, running a hand over the back of my neck and massaging the tired muscles, "How he cares about nothing and no one."

Ronald nodded, the anguish evident on his face. He directed his gaze away from me, "Yeah, we all saw that look before," he mumbled, his voice low, but I understood that it was directed at me, a reminder of how that look once mirrored who I used to be.

What they all don't get, is this, in exact.

This was my driving force, my motive behind what I was doing; I understand the weight of living under Isaac's influence, and Nathan had no fault in enduring that. He was just a kid—a kid I had promised to protect. A kid I had sent, with my own hands, to that place before it exploded, leaving us all thinking we had lost him.

"Do you—" Ronald's words were abruptly cut off by the sudden chaotic sounds that seemed to envelop the outside of my office.

I circled my way around my desk, heading outside. Ronald shot up from his seat and followed me, both of us pausing only when our eyes fell on Emma and Alex. And by the looks of it, they were not here to just talk.

"Where is he, Nikolas?" Emma shot out, the anger enveloping her voice and firing up every feature on her face.

My jaw tightened at the implication behind their visit. My eyes left her and fell on Alex, "Seriously?" I grated out.

He shrugged, ever so nonchalantly, "Apparently, you've lost your mind," He justified why he was teaming up with Emma against me, "So I need someone who can see eye to eye on this."

Realizing she wouldn't get a clear answer out of me, Emma whirled around and began her search for Nathan. Understanding that she would find and hurt him almost instantly, Ronald and I rushed to his cell. Echoing our steps, Emma and Alex followed us, a gun securely tucked in Emma's grip, ready to shoot Nathan on the spot.

I marched inside, the loud sounds of our footsteps forcing Nathan out of his sleep. He shot up in his bed, startled, just as I arrived and stood ahead, shielding him behind me. Emma halted to a stop when she reached us, her seething gaze flickering to what was hidden behind me before locking back onto mine, "Get out of my way, Nikolas," She grated out, a mad woman on a mission as she aimed her gun at me, "I will end this and fucking kill him, right here, and right now!"

"Emma, you need to listen to me," I stressed out, my teeth clenching at their stubbornness.

"There is nothing to discuss over here, Nikolas!" She shot out, her voice reverberating within the four walls and bouncing back, "He freaking drugged me, he threatened my son, he hurt Lilly; for god's sake, he hurt your son, he hurt Max, and you gonna let him live?"

My heart raced with conflicting emotions. Emma's anger surged like a storm, while my instinct to protect Nathan battled fiercely against the brewing tempest. The air in the room crackled with tension, each word intensifying the emotional whirlwind swirling around us.

"Emma, out of everyone, I expect you to understand this," I started, my words furrowing her eyebrows and I explained, "You know exactly what it feels like to endure Isaac's abuse firsthand, you've lived through it, and—"

She scoffed at my implication, "Believe me Nik, I don't give a flying fuck about what he went through," She grated out, her eyes flickering to him behind me, "Be sure that I will not let another Isaac walk this earth," She angrily took another step forward, her gun still aimed at me, "So, get out of my way, now!" She added, stressing harshly on each word.

Behind me, Nathan shifted in his position but I immediately extended my arm, stopping him from moving. My head turned, "Stay put," I grated out, ordering him to keep still. He looked up at me with utter confusion, lost as what was unraveling around him, unable to comprehend how I was the one protecting him.

I have a feeling that I am going to regret this...

My jaw tightened, and I shifted my gaze back to Emma, my words deliberate and resonant, "I'm sorry, Emma, but I won't let you hurt him," I declared, the unwavering conviction in my voice igniting fury across every inch of her expression. The room seemed to hold its breath, a palpable silence descending as our opposing positions clashed in the charged atmosphere.

To my right, Ronald stood a few steps away, ready to intervene if things took a turn for the worse, and unfortunately, that seemed to be the only direction in which this confrontation was headed.

"Nikolas, what the hell have gotten into you?" Alex's frustrated words redirected my attention to him, standing dangerously close to Emma, seemingly prepared to wrest the gun from her and take matters into his own hands.

"Well, neither of you is giving me a damn chance to explain, are you?" I shot back, my eyes locking onto the gun aimed at me as I confronted their hostile reactions.

"What is there to explain?" Alex retorted sharply, "You expect us to sympathize with him due to whatever influence Isaac had on him?" He shook his head defiantly, "I don't care. I really don't fucking care about whatever he went through to bring him to this point. All I care about is that he hurt my son, and he will die for that alone!"

Nathan shifted again behind me and without turning, my hand tightened over his arm, keeping him put because if Emma got a clear shot, she was going for it.

"You heard him," Emma said, supporting Alex, "Now, move out of my way, Nikolas," She said, no, excuse me, she ordered, forcing her authority on me, "Don't you fucking forget who I am!"

My jaw tightened and I pulled out the big guns, "And don't you dare forget who put you in that position in the first place, Emma," I grated out, my words a bit harsh, crossing some limits, but they were both going to drive me mad.

I could see the shock flicker across her eyes, intertwining with a bit of hurt and so much rage bled through. Her fingers over the gun twitched, ready to march forward and slam the metal into my head but she held her ground and I added, "You are not the boss of me, so don't ever think you can exert that type of authority on me, Emma."

I wasn't just another one of her men, she'd be wise to remember that.

If possible, her anger only multiplied but instead of marching forward, her gun-wielding hand dropped down, "You've lost your mind," She mumbled, the shock of my defiance stronger than anything else.

I shrugged, "Well, I was never the sane one among the three of us, was I?" I remarked, my gaze shifting between the two of them.

Emma decided to ignore me and my words, her eyes going behind me, directly addressing him, a strong promise in her words, "Don't think this ends here; I will be coming for you, Nathan."

With that, she whirled around and left without sparing me a second glance, striding off with determination. Alex's dissatisfied gaze left me as he turned to leave. He paused, facing me once more, and uttered, "You're going to regret this, Nikolas." It wasn't a threat; it was a conviction he held, a belief that consequences would catch up with me, "And when you do, don't you dare come to me."

And with that, he walked away as well, leaving me with the weight of their words and my actions lingering in the air.

I finally stepped away from Nathan, building some distance and turning around to look at him. His lost eyes were on their retreating backs before they went back to me. Confusion etched lines across his forehead and between his eyebrows, "What just happened?" he whispered, still grappling to make sense of the unfolding events.

"Did you...did you just—defend me?" He sounded so shocked at the absurdity of the situation. And absurd, it was. So fucking absurd.

My jaw ticked and I rushed a hand over my face, "Shut up," I grumbled, already regretting my actions and decisions.

His seemingly confused, innocent gaze shifted away from me and landed on Ronald as he approached him, taking a seat by his side, at the edge of the bed. Ronald's low sigh elicited a small yet genuine smile from Nathan, "Hey," he mumbled lowly.

Ronald couldn't help but return the smile, "Hey, you," He said before he brought his hand forward, gently brushing it over the few scars on his face. A heavy sigh hefted out of his lungs, his hand fell away before his arm went around Nathan's shoulders, pulling him closer to him.

Nathan's head nestled onto Ronald's shoulder, and for a fleeting moment, he allowed his eyelids to close, savoring the brief moment of tranquility. Perhaps, he could still pretend that he cared for nothing and no one, but deep down, there remained a connection, as small as it is, to those he once cared about.

Ronald pressed his chin over the top of Nathan's head, his embrace tightening. Yet, the strain etched across his face betrayed the looming anxiety about the potential horrors that could still unfold.

Nathan's eyes flickered up to mine, locking in a silent moment of hesitation. A new and unfamiliar emotion danced across his features, something he seemed unaccustomed to, prompting him to avert his gaze away from me.

The muscles of his jaw clenched, and I could sense the internal struggle he grappled with — the fresh guilt eating away at whatever fragments of humanity remained, and the questioning of everything he had known and once believed in.

This was not going to end well. I could almost feel it.

*****************

Emma's POV

I want to kill him.

No, not just Nathan, but Nikolas too...

He had fully lost it. There is no other explanation for him to side with Isaac's little minion.

God, he is unbelievable and so fucking infuriating!

"You keep an eye on them," I instructed one of my most trusted men. "Both Nikolas and Ronald, they'll likely transfer and hide him somewhere else, I'm certain of it." I shook my head, determination in my voice, "We can't let that happen."

"The second you get a clear shot, you kill him," My order was wide and clear, "And you fight anyone that stands in your way."

He nodded in acknowledgment, "I am on it. Consider it done," he replied with assurance before setting off to get everything done.

As I listened to the reports from the others detailing incidents within the family during my absence, when I was recovering from whatever that little fucker injected into me, my eyes flickered to the side, catching sight of a particular individual. A sense of calm washed over me, and my lips twitched slightly as our eyes met.

Noah approached, adopting a professional and respectful tone, "Can we talk, please?"

I nodded, "Yes, sure," I said, then turned to the rest. "You can leave," I ordered, inadvertently cutting off their words and dismissing them. Confused, they nodded in acknowledgment and exited, leaving me alone with Noah.

His gaze followed their retreating figures, observing as they exited and closed the door behind them. Relaxed that we were finally alone, his shoulders dropped down and he turned around, his eyes exposing a sense of vulnerability as they locked on mine.

Before I could ask if he was okay, he surprised me by inching closer and pushing himself into my embrace, his arms going around and hugging me tight, almost like he was trying to cling to something. My smile grew wide, my eyelids falling down, relaxing after one hell of a stressful day as I wrapped my arms around him.

He buried his face into my shoulder and I caressed the back of his hair.

When he edged backward, his worried gaze drifted all over my face, "Are you okay?" He asked and only then, I realized that I hadn't seen him since the boat accident with stupid Nathan.

I nodded my head in reassurance, "I am fine, I am fine, don't you worry about me," I said, brushing the few strands of his hair away from his face, "Nothing I can't handle," I added with a wink.

He shook his head, words struggling to escape, but all that emerged was a heavy sigh, his shoulders drooping, and his gaze falling to the ground. Concerned, I rested my hand on his arm. "What about you?" I asked, sensing something troubling him, "Are you okay?"

He lifted his gaze to mine and offered a small nod, but the troubled look in his eyes spoke volumes. I guided him toward the couch, "Come here, let's sit down," I encouraged, settling across from him as we both took a seat.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my eyebrow arching, "Is Alex giving you a hard time?"

His lips twitched and he shook his head, "Nothing I can't handle."

His words similar to mine made my smile grow wider, "That's my boy," I said, my gaze flickering all over his face, trying to guess what was troubling him deep inside, "But if anyone is giving you a hard time, tell me, I will unalive them right at this moment." I stated, a serious undertone in my voice.

He shook his head, "I was just really worried about you," He whispered, genuine concern in his youthful gaze, "I am sorry that I couldn't do anything to...stop what happened."

I shook my head, my eyebrows pulling closer, "You have nothing to apologize for," I said, "It's not your job to protect me, Noah, it's the other way around."

My words seemed to knock the breath from his lungs, and the anxious lines tightened over his forehead, only confusing and scaring me more. I rested my hand over his cheek, softly caressing his face, "I know it's been a while since we spent any time together, but with everything happening lately I haven't had the time to take a normal breath," He shook his head in response, "No, no, it's not that."

"Still, I am sorry that I wasn't around, but if anything...anything at all happens, you know you can come to me at any time, right?"

He nodded, "I know," He said, "It's not that, I just...the thing is, I want you to know that-" His throat bobbed heavily, unable to properly phrase his turmoil out loud, "That no matter of what had happened, or what could still happen, I will always...always put you first."

Emotions played across his youthful face, the face I watched grow, day by day, from a little kid to this little man sitting across from me; god it was surreal sometimes, "I am really grateful for everything you've done for me," He added over a heavy whisper.

I shook my head, my voice dropping down because he was making me emotional, "I didn't do anything."

He nodded, a small somber smile curling up his lips, "You did, you were...and still are the only mother figure I have in my life."

My heart constricted as his words hit me, "You are making me emotional and you know that I hate that," I attempted a playful tone, but my voice wavered, carrying a deeper, more solemn undertone.

"Come here," I murmured, coaxing him back into my embrace. I encircled him with my arms, his head nestled against my chest, and I rested my chin atop his head. Planting a gentle kiss there and savoring this little moment, "You know that I love you so much, right," I whispered to him, "And I would do anything for you," I added, hoping he'd let me in on what really was messing up with him on the inside.

"I know," He whispered ever so weakly, with my palm resting on his cheek, I felt the wetness of his tears and my heart clenched so tight, engulfed by the overwhelming flood of emotions I couldn't explain.

As he withdrew, his hand rose to his face, brushing away the treacherous tears. Closing the distance, I gently compelled him to maintain eye contact. "Noah, what's wrong?" I asked, an urgency resonating in my voice.

The muscles of his jaw flexed, and he hesitated before uttering, "If I told you that I did a really bad thing, would you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

Without a moment's doubt, I nodded, my assurance unwavering, "Of course," I affirmed, "Whatever it is, we'll find a way through it, Noah. I promise."

In the fragile moment, his countenance betrayed a tumult of emotions—guilt, remorse, and a yearning for something, it all painted across his features like shadows cast by a heavy heart.

He opened his mouth, ready to speak, poised to share his troubles with me but was abruptly cut off when the doors swung open. I cursed under my breath as Roman and Alex stumbled into the room, fixing their gaze on me, "Come on, we've been waiting for you," Alex said, urging me to join them in navigating the tumult unfolding around us.

Noah, wiping away traces of his emotions, rose from his seat. My hesitant eyes drifted back to him and he nodded his head, putting on the strong undefeated posture, "We can talk about this later."

I brought my hand to his, squeezing it tightly, "You sure?"

He nodded his head, offering me a small faint smile, "Yes, I am sure." I wanted to stay here, to listen to him, to learn the reason behind this shaken-up state. At this moment, it felt much more important than anything else.

"Noah-" I was ready to postpone everything and stay here but he shook his head, gradually stepping back, building distance away from me, "You have a whole army to lead, they need you now, we can talk about this later," He added, giving me one last smile before he turned around and exited the room.

Alex's confused eyes flickered from Noah's back to me, "What's wrong with him?"

Lines etched between my eyebrows, my gaze fixated on the door that led him out, a heavyweight clung to my heart as I whispered, "I have no idea."

*****************

Next day...

Lilly's POV

'Hey Dad, can we talk?'

I stared at the message I sent around two minutes ago, feeling utterly stupid for phrasing it that way. I gulped down and added;

'We can have dinner together after work.'

I stared at the second message for a very long five minutes before I added another one;

'I can cook something for us.'

Why am I so lame?

My fingers typed another message, feeling utterly nervous for no apparent reason;

'If you want to, of course.'

After sending the last one, a wave of anxiety hit me when I saw that all four messages were marked as delivered and seen. Then, the bubble thingy showed up, proving that he was typing something.

I held my breath for a long second and came his simple message;

'Yes, sure.'

Okay, that's good I guess.

'I can drop by your place after work.' Came his second message and a big smile broke into my face. His willingness to drop by and speak to me proved that things weren't as bad as I expected them to be. I really thought he would just refuse and dismiss me.

'Okay great, can't wait. Love you :)'

My excitement had me type that so fast and I pressed sent. Instead of replying, he only reacted to my message with a thumbs-up emoji. Yeah, he hates me...

My shoulders slumped down in defeat, and I locked my phone, tossing it away.

I brought both hands and covered my face as I tried to give myself a morning pep talk; There was no need to stress over this. He will get here, and then we'll have an open conversation about everything. I'll ask him to talk about what's troubling him. We will discuss it and find a way to work through it. We have to. He knows that he is my whole life, and I've been feeling utterly detached from everything due to our wavering relationship. It's time to mend the rift and rebuild what we once had.

I heard footsteps approaching from behind, and I leaned back, the cushion supporting the back of my head. My eyes landed on Chase as he paused behind me. A small smile graced his delicious lips. "Morning," he greeted, leaning down to softly peck my lips.

I hummed into his sweet fresh taste, "Morning," I whispered back, turning around to fully look at him, his casual outfit a contradiction to his pilot attire but he still looked mouthwatering nevertheless. Dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans, he exuded a casual charm that perfectly complemented his ethereal handsomeness. The morning sunlight reflecting from the window highlighted the contours of his face, casting a warm glow on his features.

God, I wanted to dip him in maple syrup and eat him piece by piece...

"You are not going to the office?" he asked, his words finally pulling me back from my +18 fantasy daydream of him.

I shook my head, swallowing down when I felt my mouth getting dry, "I don't have any work that needs me to be at the office today, so I opted to work from home instead," I answered, "Also, I invited my dad for dinner, it will give me time to prepare something."

"What about you?" I asked.

"No flights for today but I've got some simulator training to attend to," He said.

"Join us for dinner tonight?" I suggested with an angelic smile.

Tonight is going to be more than just a meal; more like a bridge, and a chance to mend and rebuild. I am planning to open up the conversation with Dad prior to food, and when we get everything settled down, we can have dinner.

So, having Chase there for that part can also help me show Dad that we are serious this time around, he can observe firsthand how we are trying to navigate our adult relationship healthily.

Maybe he can finally see that I am not the same reckless Lilly anymore, that I am trying...

Chase nodded his head with a soft smile, "Yes, sure."

My eyes narrowed at him, "Not nervous one bit that Dad could threaten you to stay ten thousand feet away from me?" Even I am nervous as hell...

He chuckled and shook his head, "No, I know how to charm my way around your father."

My eyebrow arched teasingly, "Like you charmed your way around me?"

He gave me a wink, "Those are two very different things, little ribbon," He said, a smirk pulling up the corner of his lips, "Your father won't know what hit him."

I chuckled at the insinuation behind his words, "Trying to sweep him off his feet too, huh?" I asked teasingly.

His lips twitched and he nodded his head, going along with my joke, "Definitely."

"Such a charmer," I commented.

He leaned closer, "Charming my way to your heart has been the highlight of my life, hasn't it?"

My heart fluttered, unable to hold back my stupid delighted grin, "You are such a flirt." 

He edged closer, giving me a quick, sweet kiss, smiling against my lips, "I better get going," He said, "Simulator training and charm practice awaits," He added and I chuckled lowly.

My fingers fisted around his shirt, pulling him back to me when he was about to turn and walk away, "Hold on," I let out a low whiney sound.

"How about you charm your way to my heart by giving me some sweet lovin' before you go," I said, flashing him pleading puppy eyes, "A good pleasurable orgasm could really help me power through the day," I added, pressing my lips into his and pulling him closer and closer to me as I backed us both into the couch.

He smiled against my lips, "You're insatiable," he said and I nodded, "Don't pretend that you don't like it," I pointed out.

"I never said I don't," He said and I couldn't help but add, "Also, you can't really blame me when you look like this."

His eyebrow raised, "Like what?"

My fingers fluttered over his cheek, gazing up at him, "So handsome, and pretty and delicious, and can I put maple syrup on you and lick you all over?" I added, ever so serious.

My words had a throaty laugh bubble from him, the sweetest melody to my ears. Chase gazed down at me with an adoration that I was still trying to get accustomed to. A flush spread across my body as he lowered his head, his lips kissing the corner of my mouth, my chin, and down my neck. His warm whisper against my skin sent shivers down my spine, "You're unbelievable," he murmured, "No wonder I'm crazy about you."

"You are?" I asked, my heart a gooey mix of emotions, desire, and awe.

He nodded, "Very much so."

"I like that," I whispered, reveling in every single emotion he stirs in me.

His touch was a tender brushstroke, tracing constellations of warmth across my skin. Whispers of affection danced between us like gentle breezes, carrying the fragrance of our shared desires.

We wove a tapestry of moments, stitching together fragments of vulnerability and trust.

As the fabric of reality melted away, we embarked on a journey of shared vulnerability. In the artful dance of connection, our bodies became vessels of expression, conveying a feeling that transcended words. Each caress, a verse; every shared breath, a stanza in the poetry of our love, written in the sensual language of touch.

****************

Nervousness twisted me in its little torturous fingers as the clock ticked by. Now that the work hours were done, Dad could drop by any second, and I mentally ran through every possible scenario that could unfold. I steeled myself to face his residual anger and prepared to apologize for every little problem I had created and caused since I got back.

Come on, Lilly; you can handle this. You can.

In the kitchen, the aroma of savory herb-roasted chicken wafted through the air as I put the finishing touches on the dinner table. A bottle of rich red wine stood elegantly beside the plates, a subtle attempt to create a warm ambiance. Freshly baked garlic bread nestled in a basket, and a medley of roasted vegetables added a burst of color to the table. Everything was meticulously arranged, a blend of flavors and effort, as I anxiously awaited Dad's arrival.

I couldn't help but be slightly proud of the food I created from scratch; another thing that could support the notion that I am on the journey of becoming a responsible adult.

Who would've thought, huh?

Me, a responsible adult. It's kind of laughable but also doable nevertheless.

The bell rang, and I almost jumped up at the sound. Drawing in a deep breath, I moved forward. With a silent prayer for everything to go well, I rested my hand over the knob and latched the door open, a welcoming smile on my face.

However, my smile dropped almost instantly, and my eyes widened. The person standing ahead of me was not Dad; no, it was the last person I needed to be here. My jaw tightened, and I felt like everything I had been preparing for could come crashing down. Hot and cold sensations warred within me as fury raged through my chest.

"What are you doing here?!" I shot out, loud and frustrated, because he always chooses the wrong time to show.

Confusion etched lines between Christian's eyebrows as my bubbling hostility caught him off guard, "Wow, easy there," he mumbled, "I just wanted us to talk."

Shaking my head, I pushed the door when he tried to step inside. "No, no, not now, not ever," I said firmly, "You need to leave, now, go, leave, just disappear!" My heart raced at the thought of Dad arriving at this moment and seeing Christian here. It would jeopardize everything I've been working hard to mend.

My refusal to listen to hum tightened the muscles of his jaw, "Is your lover boy in there?" He questioned the reason for my fury and I shot him a hard glare, "You've really got some nerve," I pressed my hand over his chest and pushed him but he didn't budge, "Leave, Christian, please, just go, dad is gonna be here any moment and he can't...he just can't see you!"

Panic intensified with each passing second, and I had no intention of arguing further with him. Placing both hands on the door, I prepared to slam it shut, but he held it, preventing me. "Just...wait," he stammered, his eyes widening with confusion at my anger, "Hold on a second."

My hand curled into a fist, "Christian, just leave!" I shot out, loudly, "Why don't you get it, I don't want you here, I don't want you anywhere near me!" I added, my fist landing on his chest and trying to push him out of my doorway so I could shut the door.

His hand landed over my fist, curling over my hand to stop me, "Okay, okay, I will," He said, the confusion in his eyes switching to worry at my bewildered state, "I will, just calm down, please," He added and I tried to ease my accelerating heart, "Please, just go; I can't deal with this now," I mumbled and he nodded his head, for once listening to me and I pulled my hand out of his grip, "Okay, I am, I am goi—"

Just then, at that exact moment, I saw someone approaching from my peripheral vision, my head shot to my right, falling on Dad as he halted to a stop, a few meters away from us, his eyes fixating on Christian.

You see, it's either my luck; or some twisted play of fate, a fucking joke that keeps turning my life upside down...I don't know what it is. Maybe it's me, maybe it's some dark twisted shadow hanging into me and bringing me down every time I try to go up.

"You must be kidding me-" Dad grated out, his voice low, seething, a bit shocked as his eyes absorbed the notion of Christian's presence.

"I was just on my way out," Christian grated out, his gaze leaving Dad as he walked past him and away.

Dad's bewildered gaze fell on his retreating back before they flickered to me and I wished for the ground to open up and pull me in, "Dad-" I mumbled, hesitant and scared.

"Lilly, what the hell is the matter with you!" He shot out, his voice loud enough to bounce off the hallway and grab the neighbor's unwanted attention.

"Can you...can you please get in, I can explain it, it's not what it looks like," I mumbled, urging him to get inside. In an angry stride, he entered my apartment and I latched the door shut. My tensed back was still to him, hesitant to turn around and face this. I gulped down, this was not one of the scenarios I thought and went on about all day long.

I turned around and his angry eyes scorched my skin from far away, a look of disappointment, like he couldn't understand me, "How many times did I tell you," He started, taking a step closer to me, "That I don't want you near him," He shot out, "That if you choose him, you lose me, do you ever listen, do you not care at all!"

I shook my head, "Dad, it's not like that, he just showed up, I didn't invite him, I didn't—"

He wasn't even listening to me, he didn't care to hear my reasons or explanations. In his eyes, I was this stupid irresponsible person and it seemed like he would always see me as such, "Lilly, for god's sake, I am so tired," There was such a distinctive rawness in his words, one that reflected just how tired he is, "So fucking tired," He grated out, "Of your excuses, of everything you do, of worrying about you twenty-four seven, of being terrified that you are going to trip and fall and just ruin everything again!"

I thought I was prepared for his anger, but not...not for this.

His words triggered tears to gather in my eyes, "But, Dad, I—" My voice wavered when he interrupted me again. No, he wasn't here to listen to me, he was here to let out everything he is been keeping inside and I am just going to let him...

"I am tired, Lilly," He added, the look in his eyes of someone who is really so fed up, so exhausted, and on the verge of exploding. The first tear fell through from my eyes and he added, "That fucker Nathan tried to drown you, and you don't tell me, he paints your car red and threatens to kill you," He shook his head in utter bewilderment, "And you still don't say a thing," He added, "He shows up back when we were in Italy, threatening you yet again and still, nothing."

How does he know all of this?

"Do you see it, Lilly?" He asked, "Do you see why I can't trust you?"

I rubbed my hand over my throat, shaking my head, pointing back to the door that led us in as I tried to defend at least that small part, "Dad, he just showed up here, I didn't tell him to come, I stayed away from him like you asked, I never called him or approached him, I am not speaking with him because you told me so-"

"And what about when you were kissing him in your car?" He shot out in frustration, interrupting the rest of my words. My eyes grew wide, shocked at his knowledge, the force sending me a couple of steps backward. He must be talking about that time Christian showed up at the company, "When you were hiding him inside my fucking company, how about that time, Lilly?"

The shock rendered me speechless, "Shocked that I know all of this?" He asked, reading my expression, "Because Lilly, you force me to keep a close eye on you," He added, addressing me as this exhausting burden weighing heavily on his shoulders, "I have to, or else god knows what other stupid decisions you would make, I have to because you never think before you act, you never."

Stupid...that's how he sees me still.

All my efforts both at work and home, trying to prove to him that I am changing, that I am growing myself for the better, he didn't notice any of those. He just saw the bad.

The tears blurred my vision and I let my gaze fall to the ground, unable to look at him, unwilling to face him, and uncertain about whether I was wrong or right, whether he was wrong or right...I just, I just thought that a parent would accept you no matter what and despite your flaws, but right now he was refusing everything about me, almost like I was responsible for everything bad that befell on us, and maybe...maybe I was.

He never forgave me. If I hadn't gotten kidnapped and hurt back in London, he would've never talked to me and forgiven me that fast.

I thought no more damage could occur, because what could be worse than the fact that your father is so disappointed in you? That he doesn't trust nor believe in you...

"This is why...this is fucking why I asked Chase to keep a close eye on you," He added, frustrated at all the measures he had to take, "I thought maybe if he stayed close, maybe if you two got back together, you would just get Christian out of your head and out of your life, but no-"

It felt as though a bucket of cold water had been tossed over me. Slowly, I lifted my head, looking at Dad, trying to understand what he meant, "You what?" I whispered, trying to decipher the meaning behind his words.

I felt cold, so fucking cold.

"After you ran away with Christian when we were in Italy," I didn't run away with him, "After Ashton got hurt trying to get you out of there, after I saw you kissing him in the hospital," I didn't, I didn't, "I had to do something because apparently, you are not strong enough to do it on your own."

My insides quivered, my heart, the one that was high and drunk on love this morning, fell to the ground and shattered, its shards pierced through every other organ and I felt the pain, in my chest, in my stomach, in my blood, just everywhere...

I knew something was not right. From the beginning, there was a nagging feeling that things didn't add up, especially on that day; when Chase shouted at me, blamed me, and asked me to stay far away from him when his father got hurt, only to come back to me, to knock on my door and kiss me on that same night.

It felt so contradictive for someone who only pushed me away since I got back to come and pursue me all of a sudden...It felt absurd, that it wasn't him, out of character. Something felt wrong and I always dismissed it, blaming it on my insecurities.

But no, I was right.

Chase would've never placed his pride aside and asked me to get back together if my dad didn't ask him to...He only did it because Dad told him to. And he did it. He did it, because just like my own father, he believed that I was stupid, that I wasn't mentally capable of making my own decisions, that I needed supervision all the fucking time.

He lied. No matter what his intentions were behind it, he lied to me. 

I looked at Dad and shook my head, my tears pausing because the shock and heartbreak left me numb, "You can't keep doing this Dad," I whispered, "You can't keep controlling my life forever."

I shook my head, "You just can't," I said, the shock imprinted on my face, betrayed at how he didn't consider my feelings in all of this, "Do you know why I am like this, Dad?" I asked, the hurt within me multiplied and transformed into a searing anger, a blaze that threatened to consume the remnants of a once unbreakable bond.

So much rage rushed inside me and I wanted to be far away from everyone now, "I am like this, because of you, because you don't give me the chance to trip and fall and learn from my mistakes, you don't give me the chance to learn, dad," I shook my head, "You just want to control every aspect of my life."

Tears rushed through, cascading in floods down my cheeks and I shook my head, "I could be stupid, reckless, and irresponsible," I nodded, agreeing on that part, "I could be all of that, but what you should do is...help me, teach me not to be like that, hold my hand and lead my way, don't...don't work behind my back and try to control me, don't stop me from making a mistake dad, just teach me how I can learn from it!"

I shook my head, my insides being ripped to shreds as I for once spoke truly of what I felt, "It's not always just about protecting me dad, that's not what parenting is," I uttered with a voice that carried the weight of a lifetime of stifled emotions, "It's about teaching me how to protect myself, because you are not going to always be there!"

In the silence that followed, the weight of my words hung in the air like a heavy mist, suffocating the room with the truth that had long been buried beneath the facade of control.

"What's the point of you protecting me from everyone else when right now you are hurting me the most, Dad, tell me, what's the point?" 

My soul ached with the heaviness of a thousand unspoken words, the pain etched into the very contours of my existence.

As I spoke, my voice trembled with the vulnerability of a wounded bird, its wings clipped by the hands that were supposed to guide it to the skies, "I don't know why you act this way with me," I shook my head and he kept silent for once, listening to me, "Is it because you lost me once when I was a kid?" I pressed my hand over my chest, trying to stop more shattered pieces from falling out and through, "But that wasn't my fault, Dad, it wasn't my fault, it was your brother's fault."

"Is it because...because your parents weren't as involved in your life that you are trying to compensate with mine?"

"Lilly-" The warning in his tone asked me to drop that topic right away.

I shook my head, "We are openly talking about everything now Dad, so I am," I said, "I am talking and I want you to talk to me, because I keep realizing that I don't know you at all."

"True, my reaction was wrong, I admit that," I said, "But what Christian showed me that day...this other version of you that I didn't recognize, it was shocking, and even till this day, there are these other versions of you that I really don't know at all."

"The father I knew, he would never kill anyone, but you do," I mumbled, "The father I knew, he would never hurt me, but you are," I shook my head, pressing my eyes to get rid of the tears but more and more came, "I don't know you anymore and I am not saying this to hurt you because dad, you know, you know just how much I love you, more than anyone and more than anything, but what you are making me feel, the hurt you are making me feel now, no one ever made me feel like this before," I shook my head, "Not even Christian, the one you are trying to protect me form, he didn't make me feel this much hurt."

The realization cut through me like a knife, leaving my insides shredded and exposed. I longed for understanding, for a connection that transcended the barriers of control. The plea in my words echoed the desperate cries of a soul yearning to be heard, aching for him not only to shield me but also to empower me.

"I am really sorry, Dad," I mumbled, taking a step away, from this, from him, from everyone, "But I need you to leave, please," I added, as respectfully as I could voice it.

This is not how I expected this night to unfold. My trepidation was in the right place nevertheless.

I couldn't comprehend any of the emotions that played across his face, I couldn't understand what was possibly going through his head. I didn't know a single thing anymore.

His eyes left me and fell to the ground, for a passing second only he let his eyelids fall, a few lines etched over his forehead and I wanted him to stay, not to leave, to stay and tell me, teach me how we can do this, how we can come out of it, how we won't let it destroy us. I wanted him to stay. I needed him. He would know. My father would know just how badly I needed him to stay, and how I was going to break apart if he left...

He pried his eyes open and without a glance at me, he strode forward toward the door. My nails dug into the side of my thighs, containing myself, holding myself, and keeping it intact, for now.

The second dad opened the door to leave, it was the same moment Chase was about to knock and enter. His confused eyes fell on Dad as he walked away without a single word. His gaze flickered from him to me, watching my tears fall through, reading the anguish on my face, and the heartbreak that was ripping me apart.

Worry vibrated off him in waves as he walked inside, pausing when he was a few centimeters away. He didn't say a word, I didn't either but he understood, he got a gist of what unfolded. He knows that I know. The muscles of his jaw worked, crushing under them the weight of what he did, "Lilly—"

I shook my head. I didn't want him to explain a thing, "Chase," I whispered, "I need you to leave, now, please," I mumbled, "Because if you stay, I am going to break down and I am going to say things that will hurt and I really...I really don't want to hurt you," The words scratched against the walls of my throat, a painful admission that echoed through the emptiness of the room, the emptiness of my heart.

"Please, just go," I added, a plea in my voice.

He shook his head, "No, no, I am not going anywhere."

I nodded my head, my hand reaching for his arm, "Yes, you will," I said, urging him to turn and walk away.

His hand reached for mine, his other warm palm cupping my cheek, urging me to look up and face him, trying to hold my fragmented shattered self but I felt so empty now, so cold, so naive, so stupid, just like they all see me.

"You said that you weren't like Christian," I whispered, recalling his words from that day, the day I questioned his feelings for me, "But you did exactly what he did," I shook my head, "It doesn't matter what your intentions behind it were," I won't let him justify it, "It doesn't matter, it's the same thing, you lied to me, you played with my feelings, and even if they were genuine and true, you did the same thing he did. You treated me as this naive, stupid thing that you can control."

God, Emma was right, she was so right when she told me I should just choose myself. That no good will ever come from either one of them.

I placed my hand over his, pulling it off my face and when he opened his mouth to speak, I interrupted him, "If you truly care about me, Chase," I interjected, my words hanging heavy in the air, "You would do the one thing I'm asking of you—leave me alone. Please."

The air in the room seemed to constrict around me, a suffocating weight settling upon my chest. It wasn't merely a desire for space; it was a desperate need, an urgent plea for his presence to withdraw.

He shook his head, a silent protest echoing through his eyes, "I don't want to," The reflection of heartbreak shimmered in the depths of his gaze, a mirror to the turmoil within my own soul. Despite the unspoken pain, he looked like he wanted to tell me a hundred different things but I didn't want to hear a single one of them.

"But I want you to," I said, "You see, this naive reckless Lilly is making a decision of her own for once and she wants you as far as possible from her, so leave, Chase, now!"

The plea lingered in the air, a plea for solitude, for the space to breathe without the weight of his presence. The intensity of my words was finally enough to push him away from me.

And the moment he stepped outside and closed the door, it was a peculiar moment, one where the very foundations of my world seemed to crumble, leaving behind the wreckage of my shattered expectations.

It's almost laughable, how your life could flip upside down in a mere second. It happened to me before, and it's happening again. It will just keep on happening.

My gaze fell on the dining table, on the food I had taken my time to perfect, thinking the night would end on a happy note. The supper that was meticulously crafted in anticipation now stood as a poignant tableau of misplaced hope.

The fragility of happiness hung in the air like the scent of unlit candles, fleeting and elusive. The contrast between the warmth I had hoped for and the chill settling in was palpable.

A surge of frustration and pain welled up within me, an uncontrollable force seeking release. Without a second thought, fueled by a torrent of anger and hurt, I swept my arm across the table. Plates clattered and silverware chimed in a discordant symphony as they crashed to the ground. The sound of shattering porcelain mirrored the echoes of my shattered self, a cathartic release for the turmoil within.

Each crash resonated with the intensity of my emotions, a manifestation of the inner storm that raged. The room became a battlefield of broken fragments, a visual metaphor for the fractured state of my heart. In the act of destruction, I sought a semblance of control over the chaos that threatened to consume me.

The crescendo of pain reached its peak as a raw primal scream tore out of my throat, it reverberated against the walls, letting some of my pain tumble out into the world. The world that hated me for sure. The world I hated now.

As the echoes of my scream faded, a heavy silence descended, wrapping around me like a suffocating shroud.

I stood amidst the wreckage of shattered dreams, panting, my chest rising and falling. With trembling legs, unable to bear the weight of the tumult any longer, I sank to the ground. Beaten down. Defenseless. Hopeless. Surrounded by the fragments of my outburst, I allowed myself to crumple, a defeated silhouette amidst the wreckage.

I drew my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as if seeking solace in the embrace of my own limbs and I cried. I cried, because I didn't know what else to do. I felt so alone, so cold, shivering in this empty space. I felt the chill seep into my bones. Each sob resonated with the emptiness that surrounded me, a symphony of vulnerability echoing through the void.

I sniffled and pulled my phone out, my trembling finger hesitated over Mom's phone number, needing her more than I could imagine. Yet, the realization struck that Dad would be there by now, so I couldn't reach for her.

A momentary pause and my finger hovered over Max's name. However, a swift change of heart seized me. Max, too, had his own battles to face, and burdening him with my troubles was uncalled for.

I wiped at my nose with my sleeves, sniffling again as I found myself dialing his number out of everyone. I pressed the phone to my ear, one ring, two, and he answered, "Lilly?" Nikolas said, almost in shock, not used to me calling him.

I couldn't speak, his voice prompted more tears to slip from my eyes and into my cheek. I opened my mouth to speak but a low hiccup left my mouth, "Lilly, what's wrong? Are you okay? Are you crying?" He asked, the worry tightening his tone, "What happened?"

"Can you...can you come here?" I asked, not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah, yeah, of course, are you at your apartment?" He asked and I heard some shuffling on his side.

"Yes, I am," I mumbled between my tears, sniffling again.

"Okay, I am already on my way," He said in reassurance, "I will be there as fast as I can, okay?"

I nodded, "Okay."

"Lilly, what happened?" He asked, almost breathlessly, probably thinking I was physically hurt.

"Dad and...and Chase, it's..." I couldn't form a complete coherent sentence over the phone and I pressed my eyes shut, "Please...just come here."

"Okay, okay, we can talk about it when I get there," He said and I heard the sound of an engine roaring to life, already on his way to me, "Just stay where you are, okay?" 

"Okay," I mumbled before we hung up. I brought my hands to my eyes, wiping at my tears but my attempts were futile as more and more came through.

The sound of a small knock and then the creaking of my door had me whip my head up, my gaze falling on Noah as he paused by the entrance, "Lilly, your door is open-" His words died when they fell on me. It must be quite the scene, me sitting down between the wreckage, crying my eyes out.

His eyes widened and he rushed to my side, his hands on my face as he checked if I was okay, "What...what happened?" He asked, bewildered as his gaze flickered around me. His hands rested over my arms, pulling me up from between the broken glass and leading me to the nearest couch.

His eyes searched mine, "I did that," I mumbled, just to assure him that I was physically okay.

"Why?" He asked.

I shrugged, helplessly, "Everyone just lies to me," I mumbled, my words disoriented, "I don't know who to trust anymore."

My words seemed to hit him in a very sensitive spot, "Can I trust you, Noah?" I mumbled, ever so weakly.

The muscles of his jaw worked and he nodded his head, "Lilly, what I am about to do now might not show you that, but...but you can trust me," He said, his words making no sense whatsoever.

My eyebrows pulled closer, "What do you mean?"

A low breath pushed off his chest and he brushed his hand over my cheek, "I will not let him hurt you, in any way, I promise," He said, an anguish so deep tightening every line on his face, "I will keep you safe, I just need you to trust me, Lilly," He added, "Please."

Fear started to build in my chest, "Noah, I don't...I don't understand."

"If I don't do this, he will kill my mother, Lilly," Noah's voice trembled with a desperate urgency, his eyes betraying the depths of emotions swirling within—helplessness, fear, a profound sense of duty. I felt the weight of his words settle in the air, a chilling realization that the stakes were far graver than I could have imagined.

He shook his head, as if trying to dispel the haunting images that danced in the recesses of his mind. His eyes, however, spoke volumes about the inner turmoil, the silent plea for understanding etched in their depths. "I can't let him do that," he added, his words a solemn vow that hung heavy in the charged atmosphere.

It was then that a sudden, icy sensation sent a shiver down my spine. A gasp escaped me, my hand instinctively shooting to my neck where an inexplicable coldness had pierced my skin. "Noah...what, what did you-" Confusion and fear painted my expression as I tried to move away from him, but an invisible force seemed to paralyze my muscles, rendering every attempt futile.

The world tilted on its axis, a disorienting spin that blurred the boundaries between reality and the encroaching darkness. Noah's arms, strong and determined, slipped beneath my legs, cradling me in an embrace that felt protective.

His words, genuine and laden with promise, reached my ears like a lifeline in the encroaching void.

"I will not let anything happen to you, I promise," he declared, his voice a steadfast anchor in the disorienting descent into blackness.

The promise lingered in the air as my consciousness succumbed to the shadows, leaving behind a cascade of unanswered questions and an agitation of what was awaiting us.

***********************************

Hey!

I hope you liked the chapter!
Don't I love it when everything is just falling apart xD

-also I like how things are falling apart both in here and in "Unraveling Him", it's almost poetic ;)

Anyways, what's your expectations on what's going to happen next?
Don't forget to vote and leave your opinion :)

See ya soon :)

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