"And I was never sure whether you were the lighthouse or the storm."

*************

Lilly's POV

"I will ask something and I need you to be honest," Nikolas's sudden unexpected request had me shift in my seat, anxious at what he could possibly ask me about.

Christian? Nathan?...or maybe even Chase?

I looked at him and nodded my head, my hand fisting over the hem of my shirt, "Uh, yeah, sure."

His eyes flickered to my tight fist before they went back to my face, almost like he was analyzing my body language, "Did he try to contact you since we got back from Italy?"

"By he, you mean Lou..." I shook my head, "You mean Nathan, right?"

My throat bobbed heavily when he nodded his head and I hesitated. I looked down at my lap, not answering right away as my mind took me back to the creative message he had left for me and the way he painted my car red. I so badly wanted to say it out loud, maybe it will decrease some of the fear ripping over my inside. But telling him would mean telling dad, and god knows what they would do after, probably lock me up somewhere just in the name of keeping me safe.

I met his eyes again and shook my head, "No," was the only word I could say without having my voice shake. It felt convincing coming out of my mouth and I hoped he would drop it and not question me further.

He stared at me for a second too long, almost like he could see right through my lie. I averted my gaze away from him and back to the car's window, pretending to be busy as I focused on the trees we passed by like they were the most interesting thing in the world. My heart knocked it up a notch, feeling as if I was caught red-handed. I shifted in my seat, uncomfortably. There was something off about them both when I arrived at the company, and now his question proved my theories right. Something did happen.

I turned to look at him, and my eyebrows pulled closer, "Did something happen?"

He met my eyes, and his eyebrow raised, almost like he was calling me off on my previous lie. He shook his head, "No," Was all he said, imitating me. Yup, he sure knows I lied. Damn it, he is no easy man.

"Uhuh," I mumbled, sinking into my seat with utter shame.

I couldn't be happier when we reached his place. He parked the car in the driveway and I immediately went down, more than ready to change the subject before he scraps the truth right out of my mouth. He opened the door to his house and ushered me to get in. He followed right behind me, his eyes flickering around, and searching for them.

"Natal-" His voice died when we reached the living room. Natalie was there, she was sitting on the couch, her elbows pressed over her knees and her head in her hands, her shoulders so tense and something so negative radiated off her in waves. Little Maria was sitting beside her, her little hand soothingly caressing her mother's arm.

Nikolas rushed forward toward her, understanding that something was not right. Maria lifted her eyes up, she pouted when she looked at her father, "Mommy is sad," She whispered and Nikolas crouched by their side, his hand resting over her arm and hand, urging her to look at him, "Natalie, what's wrong?" He whispered, the panic slowly building up in his being.

She lifted her head up, and her sad hurtful eyes met him, the tears flowing down her cheeks had his eyes fire up in utter bewilderment, especially when he noticed the redness covering a portion of her chin. He brought his hand forward and gently caressed the red area. His jaw ticked, "Who did this to you?!" He grated out, his voice though low, it harshly vibrated off the four walls.

Natalie sniffled, her shoulders shook lightly and she mumbled, "He was here," She said and something trembled within me. She pushed herself forward into his embrace and he gathered her fearful self between his arms, "I wanted to but I couldn't...I couldn't hurt him," I saw how she clung to him and how he cradled the back of her head, "It's okay," He whispered to her and she buried her face into his shoulder, her tears soaking his clothes, mumbling more words that were incoherent to me.

I rubbed a hand over my throat and took a step backward, my heart clenching tight at the fact that we might never outpower him, that we might not win this fight. It looked like it. He keeps winning. It feels like he is always a step ahead, aware of everyone and everything.

My gaze flickered to Maria as she sat and watched her mother with a heartbreaking pout. She turned her face and her beautiful eyes met mine. I forced on a smile for her sake, silently urging her to come closer to me. She got up to her feet and walked to my side. I crouched down and pulled her into my arms, "Come here," I whispered, "Let's leave mommy and daddy alone, okay?" I suggested and she nodded her head.

I walked out of the room, giving them privacy to talk, and headed for the kitchen. I rested Maria over the counter and stood across from her. She rubbed her fist at her eyes, still sad at her mother's tears. I gently caressed her cheeks, "What happened?"

Lines got etched between her eyebrows as she looked at me, clueless and so innocent, "Uncle Nathan was here," She mumbled, trying to understand what the real problem is. Her lips curled up in a pout again, "He made mommy sad."

I nodded, knowing the colorful things he would've threatened her with but I kept smiling for the kid's sake. I tucked her hair behind her ear, "It's okay, she is gonna be okay," I assured her, "They probably just had a small fight, you know brothers and sisters fight most of the time," I added a playful hint to my tone, "Max and I fight a lot but then we make up so fast," I said with a raised eyebrow and she smiled, "Do you and Nathan fight?"

She shrugged, "Sometimes."

I smiled and pinched her cheek, she was just so adorable, "I missed you, do you know that?"

Her lips spread into a grin, her thoughts drifting further away from previous events, "Yes, me too," She said then her eyebrows pulled closer, "Where is Chase? Call him to come here, I miss Chase too."

I chuckled lowly at her cute tone, "Chase is on an airplane right now, flying," I said and she gasped, astonished, "Really?" She asked and I nodded, "Yes, but you can send him a video and he can watch it when he lands," I suggested and pulled my phone out. She nodded her head multiple times, so very excited at the mere thought of it.

I opened a new video and handed her the phone. She grasped it between her two hands and looked at the screen, "Hey chase," She said, keeping me smiling with her childish adorable tone, "Lilly is here, why are you not here too?" She asked, both her eyebrows raising in questioning, "After you finish flying, come here, okay? I miss you," She added and threw him a virtual kiss, smiling at the camera before she handed me the phone back.

I chuckled and pressed send on the video before I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer and dropping a kiss over her head, "Looks like someone has a crush," I said and she looked up at me, giving me sheepish smile.

My gaze drifted to the grocery bags resting at the counter and I looked back at Maria, excitedly suggesting, "How about we prepare breakfast together?" She immediately nodded her head, clapping her hands, "Yes, I want to help!"

I pinched her cheek again and chuckled, "Yes, sure."

Halfway through preparing breakfast slash brunch, footsteps echoed closer, grabbing my attention away from the eggs. I turned off the stove and moved around, my eyes meeting Natalie's. She smiled, the tilt of her lips was a bit weak but she looked more composed than when I first got here. I smiled back, inching closer to her side, "I am sorry about earlier," She started to say and I shook my head immediately.

"Did he...hurt you or-" I started to ask. She shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself as her eyes went to Maria, who was busy arranging the bread slices inside the basket like it was the most interesting thing ever, "It's what he said, it's how he makes me feel so helpless," Her expression went blank, her eyes drifting back to me, "It feels like he could do just anything to anyone," She scoffed, looking down at her feet, "And I couldn't do anything to him."

I shook my head, my hand reaching forward toward her arm, resting there, "It's not your fault," I mumbled. He made me feel helpless as well the last time he cornered me, but I won't let it happen again. Next time, I will be prepared. I am sure that there will be a next time soon.

"We will figure it out," I added, trying to see a glimpse of light through this darkness.

Her lips parted and she was about to reply back but held herself back when her eyes fell on Nathan at the doorway. He stepped inside the kitchen and she forced on a big smile, her expression shifting a hundred eighty degrees for her kid's sake, "Good morning," She said.

He returned her smile, "Morning mom," His eyes flickered to me, "Hey, Lilly," He greeted and I stepped closer, giving him a quick hug, "Hey, how've you been?" I asked, considering I haven't seen him since he got out of the hospital.

He nodded, "Better," He answered, and he did look much better.

The rest of the morning passed smoothly, we finished preparing and eating breakfast, having random conversations here and there, but none that included the psychopath who is after us, of course. Although Nikolas was physically here, his mind was continents away. I observed how he ate nothing, he kept typing on his phone, leaving the table every now and then when he would receive a call.

When we were done, I sat with Maria in the living room, watching cartoons with her, and answering every little question she asked. I was trying to distract her from the morning's events and the truth is, I was hoping to distract myself as well.

Nikolas walked into the room and sat down right beside me. Maria, upon seeing him, immediately pulled herself up and climbed into his lap, settling there. His arms instinctively wrapped around her little body and she tilted her head backward, the back of it pressing against his chest as she looked up and flashed him a big smile. He smiled back before he leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

She resumed watching her cartoons, and Nikolas turned his attention to me. Without introductions, he went for it, "So are you ever planning to honestly answer my question or are you gonna keep lying?" He asked, but still, there was no blame or accusation in his tone or any shift in the calm look in his eyes.

My throat bobbed heavily at his direct question and I shifted in my seat. I knew that he caught me, damn it. I looked at him, a bit of guilt swarmed in my tone as I honestly answered him this time, "When I was moving into my new apartment, he uh," I tucked my hair behind my ear, my gaze going to Maria who couldn't seem less bothered, all of her attention on the TV's screen, "He left one of his creative messages, threatening me," I explained briefly without the need to go for details.

He looked like he expected that answer, he gave me no reaction other than the angry tightening of his jaw, "Who knows about this?"

I gulped down, understanding what he was asking for and I shook my head, "I didn't tell dad," I mumbled, looking down at my lap and fidgeting with the hem of my shirt, "I didn't tell anyone," I forced my gaze up and fazed him, "Just Christian knows about this."

That seemed to shock him slightly, lines etched between his eyebrows, gazing at me as if trying to figure something out, "Christian?" He checked again and I nodded my head.

"Where is he now?"

I shrugged, "I am not sure," I said, "He just pops around every now and then," I tried to turn my tone playful but failed big time. When Nikolas stayed silent, I felt the need to elaborate, "Uh, Christian, he had nothing to do with it by the way, he is just trying to help me," I shook my head, "He is not on his side anymore and that's why Nathan is beyond angry at him too."

He nodded his head in realization, silent still.

"You won't hurt him, right?" I checked again, "I mean it's not his fault..."

His eyebrow raised, "Who exactly appointed you as his lawyer?"

I let out a low sigh and shook my head, "It's just...I just," My lips pressed into a thin line, memories of Christian beaten up back in London, in the basement of that mansion, bleeding and unconscious rushed back with full force and I sank further into the cushion, shaking my head again as I mumbled lowly, "Nevermind."

A few seconds of silence settled between us and when I looked back at him, he was still staring back at me, trying to make sense of something. His jaw worked uncomfortably and he asked, "Do you...you know," He grumbled, "...love him or something?"

My eyes widened, "Christian?" I asked and he nodded, his lips curling up in utter annoyance.

I shook my head, "No, no," I licked my dry lips, "Uh, no, not like that...no," I shifted again in my seat, uneasiness erupting all over my skin, "I mean, it's just...complicated."

His confusion only doubled, and his eyes seemed to be trying to study me but failing the more I spoke. I can't be that hard to figure out, right?

"I mean," I was still speaking for some reason. I was uncomfortable. I was anxious. I was on edge and I just needed to voice my inner turmoil out loud, "I think Chase and I are back together, I am not really...sure," I was rambling on, just speaking what was on my mind and when I looked at Nikolas, the color seemed to slowly leave his face, getting more confused and furious by the second.

"Uh, is it okay if I talk to you about this? Because I really need to talk about it or I will explode and I really don't think anyone will understand me now, and I feel like I could tell you things I can't talk to dad about, you know...things about boys and stuff," I gulped down when his jaw ticked the further I talked. Maybe this wasn't a great idea...

"Yeah, don't trust me that much," He grated out, the color of his eyes darkened slightly, "Ashton's kid was already third on my list to kill and torture and now you just promoted him to number one."

I smiled, "You wouldn't do that."

His eyebrow raised, "Again, don't trust me I said."

I gave him a sheepish smile and he let out a loud frustrated sigh, his gaze flickering away from me and settling down at Maria on his lap, "Thank god you are still a kid," He mumbled lowly, his jaw still tight and his shoulders a bit tense. He leaned down and kissed her hair, trying to calm and ease himself down.

She looked up at him and smiled, "I want water," Maria announced, jumping off her father's lap. She looked at me, "Do you want water, Lilly?" She asked and I shook my head with a big smile at her polite little self.

She scurried away toward the kitchen, Nikolas's eyes following her before he looked back at me. I gave him an angelic innocent look, shyly smiling and trying to gain back his trust. After a second or two, he sighed in defeat, crossing his arms over his chest, probably regretting inviting me over already, "What is it?" He asked, more like grumbling out in annoyance, indulging me in my nonsense nevertheless.

I kept silent for a long moment, trying to decide whether it is better to keep my mouth shut and leave. But me being me, I had to open my mouth and speak, questioning him out of the blue, needing someone to light up the dark path I am halfway through.

"Did you ever feel like you don't deserve her?" I asked, "That maybe...maybe she deserves better..." I added, and he immediately understood how I was trying to relate to him on some level, and attempting to learn from him.

His expression didn't even shift and he gave me a small nod, "Almost every day."

I swallowed past the lump forever lodging my throat, "What did you do to not feel like that?" Because it sucks.

"It took time but I had to understand that it is her choice after all, it's up for her to decide what she wants, and if she wants me then maybe I can be the man she actually deserves."

The air suddenly became hard to find, my pulse got all thready and harsh as I registered his words. I shifted in my seat for the umpteenth time, feeling all out of sorts. My heart felt so weak as it tried to convince my brain that maybe I could do that too, that I could be someone he deserves, that I learned from my mistakes, and that I could be a better person now.

Nikolas read the distress that was written all over my face, so his arm moved and wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. I sank into his warm embrace, pressing my eyes shut and trying for once not to overthink everything. I always ruin every good moment in my life by overthinking.

I was happy with Christian only because I stopped myself from overanalyzing, I taught myself to just live in the moment and go with the flow. True that ended in tragedy but maybe I can try it again now, maybe it could work out well this time. Maybe.

Nikolas left a soft kiss over the top of my head, "I don't know why you keep relating to me, Lilly," He said it like it was so silly for me to seek any type of advice from him, "You are just a kid, and the mistakes you made are negligible when you try to compare them to mine, so," He turned his tone playful, "Stop comparing yourself to me."

I smiled and lifted my gaze up to him, playfully shrugging, "You know, I think it is just the whole...you being my surrogate father and all."

He returned my smile, my words taking some off the edge in his gaze, relieving some of the stress tensing his shoulders. He brought his hand up and tucked my hair behind my ear, his expression turning serious again, "I won't let anything happen to you, okay?" He addressed the teeny tiny fear spreading over my chest, he just didn't realize that the terror threatening my comfort is not directed at myself and my own well-being.

"Can you not tell dad about the whole Nathan thing?" I mumbled, he already looked all distressed when I dropped by to company today. Learning about this will only double his fear and anxiety, and I really don't want to cause him more trouble than I already did.

"I am not really good at hiding things from Alex," He started to say, disapproving but the begging hopeful look in my eyes had him accept my request a bit too fast. He let out a low sigh and nodded his head, "But I won't tell him, on one condition only," He said and I nodded my head, accepting anything, "If anything else happens, anything at all Lilly, you need to tell me right away."

"I will," I said, assuringly.

"Promise."

I nodded my head, "I promise."

I edged back from his embrace, trying to relax my nerves and tensed muscles, "What do you plan on doing now...to him?" I asked, curious at how we could ever catch Nathan when he is always a step ahead.

"I have a plan," Nikolas answered, keeping it brief. Air pushed out of his nose, harsh and tight, "You know, it was easy before," He mumbled, his voice low now, expressing his inner thoughts out loud, maybe also needing someone to talk to, "It was easy to just leave everything and go after what I want," He added, his brain lost down the memory lane, "It was easier when I didn't have all of this," He said the last part while looking around us, addressing the little family he got the chance to build from scratch.

He faced me, "If I am going to put all of my focus on him, it will mean I will have to ignore and look past the problems I am facing within the boundaries of this house," He explained and I listened, "It will mean I will have to ignore my own kid, the one who can barely speak two full words to me or even look me in the eye after all that happened," He shook his head, too much fear crowding the logic in his eyes, "It will mean I will have to ignore Natalie's pain," He shook his head, "It's her brother, the one she once loved and lost, and now he is out there threatening and hurting everyone around her."

"So, to play his game and go after him, it will mean I will have to put my family behind," He shook his head, "And I am not willing to do that now."

I nodded my eyes, "And it's exactly what he wants you to do," I stated and he nodded, understanding Nathan's motives fast enough and before it got late, "Which is why I won't give him the satisfaction," He added.

I fully agreed, "I am not going after him," Nikolas stated, "I won't," He shook his head, "I will wait for him to come to me and it won't be long before he does that," His jaw tightened, "He is smart but he is...young still, he is liking the thrill of the cat and mouse game, and when he finds no one chasing behind, he will come running right back to us, falling into his very own trap."

Nikolas watched as the doubt cleared out of my eyes, "I understand him, I was somehow like that once," He clarified.

"I still got the advantage over him though. He only knows the Nikolas that his father spent years teaching him about," He added, the dangerous tilt in his lips that gave me hope for once, that maybe we aren't that powerless against him, that maybe we could come out of this fight as the winners, "He doesn't know this Nikolas."

My lips lifted into a small smile, and the constant tightness over my chest slowly unraveled. My messy thoughts got cleared out as I relaxed into my seat. My gaze flickered to the doorway and watched Maria when I heard her cute voice. She came back with a water bottle tucked under her armpit and a chocolate bar held with both hands, half of it eaten already with melted chocolate smeared over the corner of her lips. She climbed back up into her father's embrace, her eyes on the TV screen as she resumed eating.

She looked around and when she didn't find what she was looking for, she grabbed her father's white shirt, inched closer, and wiped her mouth with it, cleaning herself, "Seriously?" He grunted out, looking down at her with clueless frustration. She met his gaze and smiled, edged up, and pecked his cheek, "Love you," She mumbled before she turned her attention back to her cartoons, almost like nothing happened.

Nikolas was still glaring at the chocolate covering his shirt, hoping his glare would wish it into non-existence. I suppressed my chuckle and Nikolas turned his head to me, so very unsatisfied.

I rubbed a hand over my mouth to cover my smile. I cleared my throat, "You won't hurt Chase, right?" I recalled back his words, making sure and trying to change the subject.

His eyebrow raised, "He is still first on my list," He grumbled.

I couldn't hold my chuckle and I shook my head, there is no way he'd cause him any harm. Was it the little girl sitting on his lap, or the chocolate smeared over his shirt, or the fact that he indulges me in every little conversation and each question I ask...No, he wasn't the old him anymore, there is no way this man is capable of hurting an innocent human. No way.

**************

Alex's POV

"How much do you trust him?" Nikolas's out-of-the-blue question took my attention away from the phone's screen. I looked at him and followed his path of sight, trying to understand who is he referring to.

I turned my head around, my eyes falling on Noah and Ronald, standing in the other room next to ours and discussing something.

Lines got etched between my eyebrows and I faced Nik again, "Noah?" I asked in disbelief.

Nikolas nodded his head, rubbing a hand over his jaw as he finally averted his analyzing gaze away from them, "Did it ever cross your mind that he could be the one working and helping Nathan?"

My eyebrows pulled closer at the insinuation behind his words, "Well, Emma trusts him and I usually trust Emma in such things, it's not like her to make a wrong judgment."

Nikolas's eyebrow raised, "Well, Emma killed his father after all," Nikolas commented, supporting his theory, "Just like Nathan was able to twist everything and convince Christian to do what he did, he would easily be able to play with this kid's mind as well and paint us as the villains."

I scoffed, "Well, aren't we?"

Nikolas ignored my comment, shooting me a glare before he focused his attention back on them, skeptically studying the kid from afar. Ronald left his side not long after and joined us, slumping over the couch next to Nikolas.

"Do you trust Noah?" I shot out my question immediately because Nikolas was making me anxious with his damn theories.

Ronald's eyebrows pulled closer, his confused gaze drifting from me to Nikolas, "Yeah, of course, why?"

"Well, he has a hunch something is not right about Noah," I pointed my finger at Nikolas, "And he is usually right about these kinds of stuff, so he is scaring me now," I explained and Ronald shook his head, "What? No way," He defended, "Noah was raised in the family, he is one of us, he wouldn't stab us in the back."

Nikolas shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest, "Still, I am keeping an eye on him for the time being."

I hefted out a loud breath and leaned my back against the cushion, my brain going back and forth over this thought, trying to see if I will be able to catch or remember anything out of the ordinary concerning Noah.

Nikolas held me with a knowing gaze, "When you were appointing a bodyguard for Lilly, you should've come to me first," He pointed out for the umpteenth time since it happened, being a little bitch about everything.

I rolled my eyes at him, "As far as I remember, you left all of this behind you once, didn't you?"

His eyebrow raised, "Still, I had my men," He looked at Ronald with a mocking gaze, "And I know exactly who I can trust and who I can't," He remarked and his voice lowered as he muttered, "Unlike some people," Ronald threw his arms in the air, frustrated by Nikolas's bitchness as well.

"Noah is a good kid," Ronald defended still and even though I was starting to believe in Nikolas's theory, I couldn't shake the fact that Noah genuinely looks like he cares about Lilly. There is something off here, something that is not quite alright...

"What if," I started to say, my eyebrows pulling closer as another theory formed up in my mind, "What if Noah is helping Nathan but not because he wants to," That seemed to grab both Nikolas and Ronlad's attention to me, "What if Nathan is threatening him with something?"

"What if he feels like he has no other choice?"

It was all just theories, maybe the kid didn't do a thing. Still, our assumptions will be either proved right or wrong as we keep him under our supervision.

Ronald seemed to be deep in his thoughts, thinking this one through and Nikolas stared at me for a long second before he nodded his head, agreeing with me on some level, "When you cook up smart theories like that, you make me believe that you are actually my brother," He commented and I shot him a glare. Why do I feel like I want to put his head through a wall since today morning?

"No, I un-brothered you after today's events," I stated facts, "Why are you here anyway? Shouldn't you be with your buddy now?" Assholes...

"Wait, wait, who is his buddy?" Ronald asked, his wide eyes flickering to Nik, "I thought I was your only buddy," He added, feigning betrayal.

Nikolas ignored Ronlad and checked his phone when it beeped, his eyebrows pulling closer when he read what was on the screen. He composed himself rather quickly and tucked it back into his pocket. He pulled himself up, "Yeah actually, we planned to have drinks after work," he said, and I knew he was just trying to trigger me more, and damn him, he succeeded.

He gave me a wink, "Wanna join?"

I crossed my arms over my chest, "In your dreams," I grumbled out.

A low chuckle came from him as he walked past me, he paused and rested his hand over my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, "I'll see you tomorrow."

I shook my head, "I'd rather not."

"Hold on, I am still stuck at the buddy part," Ronald said, raising his arms in the air to grab Nikolas's attention. When Nikolas looked at him, he flashed him an unfazed look, "You know that I never liked you since day one, so shut up."

The bitch bid his goodbye and left the room after, going to god-knows-where. He is back to hiding things from me and I do not like it. Ronald, on the other hand, looked at me and gave me a confident look, "He is lying, he loves me."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, you're so lucky," I said mockingly before I stood up as well, placing my coat on and grabbing my keys, "I better head home," I stated, waving a hand to Ronald before I headed down to my car.

My eyes caught Nikolas at a distance, sitting in his own car and talking over his phone. When he roared the engine to life and pulled the car out of its parking spot, the devil played tricks on my mind, my suspicion had me climb into my car right away and I followed him.

Maybe I was reading too much into it, maybe I was exaggerating but I always sensed it whenever Nikolas was cooking something and hiding it from me. My destination was unknown and I stayed on his tail but not close enough for him to notice. We drove for more than half an hour before he paused the car by what resembled an old motel.

He went down and locked his car before he made his way forward. I kept watching him from a distance before I decided to get down as well. My gaze flickered around my surroundings, trying to analyze the situation. The Motel was in the middle of nowhere, too old and abandoned. My eyebrows pulled closer as I kept eyeing Nikolas from a distance, leading toward one of the motel's compartments. Oh damn, he better not be having an affair...

Nikolas got lost out of my sight and I decided it was time to follow him inside. I tried to be discrete as I followed his steps, watching as he twisted the knob of one of the rooms. He did it once, twice, and when he couldn't open it, he used force from his body and pushed the door open at once. I rushed forward when he got inside, pausing by the door's edge, my gaze flickering inside, watching whose comfort he intruded on just now.

My eyes fell on no one other than Christian, his eyes widening at the sudden intrusion, taking a few steps backward as he searched for anything to protect and defend himself. My jaw ticked at the mere sight of him, and my hand on the side curled into a fist, more than ready to go inside and plant it over his face.

Nikolas, on the other hand, seemed to be so fucking calm and composed. He shook his head, "I am not here to hurt you, Christian."

Christian's jaw ticked, his eyes accusingly flickering all over Nikolas, "Then, why are you here?" He asked, his voice hard and his jaw tight.

Nikolas tucked his hands into his coat's pocket, ever so casually, "I am here to talk."

****************

Lilly's POV

Thunder rolled at a distance and I buried myself further under the comforter, making sure it covered me from all sides. Was I scared? Not really...I mean maybe. Just a little...

I mean, I just never lived alone. I always shared a house with someone, whether it was my parents, Sally or Christian. There was always another presence in the house that comforted me and now, after all those years, I was all alone, with a storm rocking the outside world and a psycho killer on the loose, who by the way, wants me dead.

Yeah, so I am not that scared...

I gulped down as I looked around me, my gaze falling at the window, watching the raindrops harshly hit the glass, one after another with no break. I tried to think of happy thoughts but miserably failed. Since I moved into this apartment, I was so busy with work and my hectic schedule that I couldn't comprehend the fact that I was actually and literally alone. I would come back exhausted every day, put my head down on the pillow, and fall asleep right away.

But today, it's a bit different.

I gulped down when the lights flickered, almost like the power was about to blackout. Jesus Christ, please don't!

I almost gasped when my phone started ringing all of a sudden. I sucked into a deep breath, forcing myself to not be overdramatic. I pulled the phone from under the comforter to see that Conner was face-timing me for some reason. Without questioning it, I immediately accepted the call, needing the distraction.

Much to my luck, Sally's face greeted me first. She smiled at me, "Hey, Lil."

"Hey," I involuntarily smiled back, "Isn't this Conner's phone?"

She nodded her head before she brought a few chips to her mouth and munched on them, "Yup, my phone is somewhere in the house but I don't know where," She shook her head like it was nothing, reminding me that we needed to have the talk about her and Conner's relationship status. They seem to be spending way too much time together lately.

I gave her a wink and she understood what I was hinting at, she just smiled in return and changed the subject, "Anyways, what's up with you? Whatcha ya doing?"

I shrugged, "Hiding under my comforter."

She chuckled lowly, remembering my irrational fear of storms and thunders, "Oh, you poor baby," She smiled sheepishly and wiggled her eyebrows, "Isn't Chase there to warm you up?"

"Chase is out of the city," It was Conner who said that, making Sally look up at him, "Also, no one is warming anyone without my permission," He added, squeezing himself beside her and his face popped up on my screen. He gave me a coy wink, "You used my condom, right?"

I gave him an innocent shrug, neither accepting nor denying. He narrowed his eyes at me, "You little devil," He commented before he snatched the phone from Sally, "Hey!" She shot out and he used his full hand to push her face away.

"Hold on, let me add Chase to this call as well-" The minute he said it, I suddenly felt very self-aware and I stared at my own reflection in the camera, checking if I was presentable at all but before I could comprehend it, his beautiful face popped up beside Conner's and his voice had me both calm down and get all types of hyped-up, "What do you..." He started to speak, probably thinking it was just Conner but his voice softened and so did his eyes when they saw me there as well, "...want."

Involuntarily, I smiled and upon that, he smiled too.

'Hey,' I mouthed.

'Hey,' He mouthed back.

"Hey! You two stop looking at each other like that, I am the one who started this group call," Conner interjected and I ignored him, my eyes focused on none other than Chase. Can't he come back already?

We had only chatted a bit after he saw Maria's video. He was a bit busy afterward and I didn't want to intrude more.

But now, I am probably high on seeing him in the middle of my freakout moment that I opened his private chat and wrote down without thinking, 'I miss you'.

I noticed the beautiful tilt in his lips as he read my message and instantly came his reply, 'I miss you too.'

Conner was rambling on about something but I silenced his voice and focused more on the face taking a small part of my screen and rapidly occupying a much larger part of my insides. 'You look so beautiful,' Came another message from him and I felt myself heat up all over. I was even ready to push the comforter off me from the warm blush that crept up and coated every visible part of my body.

I tried to change the subject, not willing to address the compliment, 'When are you coming back?'

'Tomorrow morning,' Came his reply, and involuntarily my smile widened.

Conner was still discussing something but he paused when he noticed that we weren't interacting. He waved his hand multiple times, "Hey! You two, listen!" He said, annoyed lines tightening over his forehead, "Sally look, they look like they are about to eat each other with their eyes," He added, pointing at the screen, "Should've never given you that condom, I liked it better when you two weren't on talking terms."

Conner's words had my smile drop down almost instantly while Chase sighed in return, "How can I kick you out of this call," He mumbled and Conner shook his head, "You can't, I started it smartass," He added, "No wonder I am the genius in this group," He added under his breath and I was also searching for ways to mute him.

"Anyways," He added, "Let's discuss the reason I called you both-"

"Sally called me, not you-" I started to say and he waved me off like it was nothing, "Minor inconvenience, anyways," He stressed on his last word, "Chase, will you attend tomorrow's high school reunion?"

Oh true, the stupid reunion is tomorrow. I almost forgot about it and I haven't decided yet whether I'd attend it or not-

"If Lilly is going, then I am in," Came Chase's neutral reply, like we are so used to this, to accompany each other to official occasions. Jesus, what exactly are we now? Are we in a...relationship?

I gulped down. We gonna have to talk about it when he gets back. For the first time in my life, I didn't want us to be just...fuck-buddies. I wanted more. I wanted everything that I once missed. Can I have that? Or is it just too late?

"Lilly?" Conner asked.

"Uh, yeah," I said, getting shaken back to reality, "Why not."

He nodded, "Cool," He turned his head to Sally, "Then, we are going as well."

Sally's eyebrows pulled closer, "Who said I want to go?" She remarked, rolling her eyes, "Can you for once be a little considerate like Chase and ask me first?"

Conner shrugged, "Okay, don't go, I don't care, " He said ever so casually, "But be aware, I am hot and older now, girls from our high school might start having the hots for me."

"I pity them already," Sally answered while Chase and I amusingly watched them argue and fight like an actual couple. They are so clueless, I swear.

Conner looked back at us, "Never mind her, she will go, I know my way around her," He said, "So, we'll see you guys tomorrow, go to sleep now, both of you," He added with a warning tone, "No phone sex is allowed."

I rolled my eyes at him and Chase couldn't seem less bothered by his comments as the four of us bid each other goodbye and hung up after. Seconds only and Chase's name flashed through the screen, video-dialing me.

I took in a full deep breath and opened the call, smiling again when I was met with him only, with no Conner to ruin our mood, "Shall we start the phone sex now?" I said with a playful tone, addressing Conner's silly remark.

A low chuckle came from his side, "Well, I'd rather have the real one," He said and I nodded, "Yup, me too," My eyebrows pulled closer, "I never had the phone one before, how do you do it anyway?" I asked, genuinely curious, "Am I supposed to place the phone between my legs or something?"

He shook his head with a smile, "I don't think that's how it works, Lilly."

I shrugged, "Whatever, not my cup of tea," I said, "I'd rather touch things than say them," Oh god, I should just stop talking. Chase's eyebrow raised, "Oh, don't I know that."

I smiled shyly before I fixed my pillow and rested my head over it, holding the phone to my side as we carried on, speaking of nothing and everything, "How was your day?" He asked and I sighed, "Boring, unadventurous and it felt very long for some reason," I answered, resting my palm under my cheek, "I am at the stage where I want to adopt a cat or a dog because this house feels way too big and lonely for just me."

He indulged me in my silly conversation, getting comfortable in his hotel bed as well, "I always wanted to adopt a dog," He said and I nodded, "We can get one then," The words left me without thinking. Why for god's sake was I making plans and including we in them? "I mean I can, and I would allow you to play with him from time to time," My tone was playful, succeeding in making him look past the we part of it.

I asked him about his day and we spoke a bit. When two seconds of silence fell between us, I filled them rather quickly, "Chase," I mumbled and he nodded, urging me to speak, "What is this that we are doing?" And by this, he fully understood that I meant us.

"We'll figure it out as we go through it, Lilly," He answered.

I nodded, "I know but," I swallowed hard, "I don't want this to be only about...sex, I mean yeah the sex was good, no arguments there, but with you, I always end up wanting more."

"Not to be correcting you or anything but the sex was perfect," He said playfully with an arched eyebrow and just the thought of last night had me tighten my legs together. I smiled and his tone turned a tad serious, "And yeah, it's not just physical, not to me, I want to give us a second shot, Lilly," He explained, "Is that what you want too?"

I nodded, "I do."

It's just...something didn't settle well with me. It wasn't that long before that he told me that we stood no chance. It feels like his willingness to give this a second shot is abrupt and sudden and that scares me, terrifies me even. I am probably just overthinking it just like I overanalyze every damn thing about my life. I can trust Chase, I know that I can. I shook my head; no reading between the lines this time. I will live the moment, slowly, and let it go with the flow.

**************

Next Morning...

I flipped the last pancake and turned off the stove before I arranged it on the plate alongside the others. It was only seven in the morning and I was fully energized and awake since six am. I took my morning shower and changed my clothes from the mickey mouse PJ to my blue satan one; because I needed a sexy look, not a cute one. Then later on, I started to prepare breakfast because any minute now, he will arrive.

Just as the thought stroke, a low knock echoed and I almost jumped up and down from the happiness. I rushed forward and opened the door, my lips tilting up, brightly beaming when they settled on him. He was still wearing his pilot attire, but the first two buttons of his white dress shirt were left undone, his hair a bit disheveled from how it looked before, and he looked like a total man-candy.

I hesitated for a second, should I jump on him and kiss him, should I hug him, what the hell should I do?

I got so fluttered so I settled for a low, "Hey."

He was more courageous because he leaned forward, his arm snuck around my waist, it rested over my lower back, pulling me closer to him, crushing my chest against his as he bent down and took my lips into his, knocking all the oxygen from my lungs. Pulsing waves of heat unfurled inside me, starting at my mouth and then rippling down my body.

He tasted like peppermint and the minty flavor gradually saturated my taste buds. My lips parted on their own, my body fully helpless under his force, willing myself to him without questioning. Chase took full advantage by sliding his tongue inside. When my tongue tangled with his, he made a low, growling noise in the back of his throat, pushing me further inside and slamming the door shut behind us.

We broke free, in desperate need of air. His heated blue eyes met mine, and the tilt in his lips was way too dangerous for my weak heart to handle, "Hey," He said back, ever so casually, like he didn't just rock my whole existence with a simple kiss.

My heart was beating so fast in my ears and I was malfunctioning, not knowing what to do next. Actually, I know, it's simple; I want to jump his bones. But this Lilly is trying to be mature, this Lilly wants to think before taking any step forward. This Lilly is scared of committing the same mistakes over and over again.

I composed myself, straightening my back, "You must be tired," I commented.

He nodded, "Very."

I nodded my head, "I prepared a quick breakfast for us," I pointed at the kitchen's counter, "We can eat first then you can rest," I added, stammering slightly, "You must be hungry."

His lips twitched and he took an additional step forward, caging me from every corner again, "I am," He said and we both knew he was not speaking of food. His gaze over my lips as he added, "...starving."

"Uhuh," He is gonna kill me, I swear. This man will be responsible for my death. I need to see a heart doctor. ASAP.

He smiled, sensing my out-of-sorts state, the little cute crinkles at the side of his eyes made me want to squish him because he couldn't be real, "You're so cute, Lilly," He commented.

Lines formed between my eyebrows as I looked down at myself, a tad disappointed, "I was going for sexy today, but okay..."

He used his palm over my back to pull back in, I gasped at his urge to keep me tucked so close, "Cute, sexy," He said, leaning slightly to drop a small kiss at the corner of my mouth, "Beautiful," He added, dropping another feather-like kiss at my chin, "Breathtaking," His voice dropped lower as his lips went further down, kissing a trail down the side of my neck, "You're everything I want and need," He mumbled into my skin and I half gasped, half moaned when he nibbed at the specific area that ticks me on, "And everything I should stay away from."

His lips found mine again and I curled my arms around his neck, "Will you?" I asked into his heavenly lips between kisses, "Stay away?"

He wrapped one arm around my waist before he dropped his palm down my ass, settling it there to push me up, "No, never," He said, an edge in his tone, "Now be a good girl and wrap those legs around me," He said, hiking me up and I did everything he wanted, tightening my grip over him as he carried me to the bedroom, not once breaking our delicious kiss.

"I thought you were tired," I said breathlessly as I felt the mattress press into my back.

"Not for this," He mumbled, edging backward to take off his clothes but my fingers curled over his shirt, pulling him to me, "Do me a favor?" I asked, flashing him the angelic puppy eyes.

He nodded, "Anything."

I smiled, "Then keep those on," I referred to his pilot attire, "You will make one of my fantasies come to life like this," I teased and a low chuckle vibrated from his chest, leaning close to peck my lips, and his teeth gently tugged on my lower lip, "As my lady commands," He added, his hands wrapping and pulling my little satan shorts off.

I was on cloud nine, far away from troubles, far away from the loneliness crisis I had last night, far from the messy parts of my life. These passing moments I am spending with him are blissful and the only ones where I feel remotely happy.

"Now, spread those beautiful legs for me," He said, more like a command I wouldn't dare to refuse, "Because like you said," His teasing eyes were on mine, triggering a blazing fire within my insides as he went down, "I must be hungry."

Oh damn. I think Imma pass out. My heartbeats aren't normal or rhythmic when he is around. 'Book an appointment with a heart doctor' has just been added to my next week's to-do list. Health is important and this man, he is threatening it...He is threatening my very weak heart.

****************

Later that day...

"How do I look?" Conner asked me again as he fixed his shirt's collar.

I rolled my eyes at his cockiness, "You're not bad to look at, Conner," I said, "Why are you this much into your looks today, anyways?"

"Look, I hated everyone in this school, minus Sally, Chase, you, and...well, Zack is still up for debate," He said, his eyes drifting around the crowd, to the people from our high school year, scattered here and there, dressed up, chatting and smiling, "You remember how the rest of them were mean to me," He added, rolling his eyes carelessly, "I was just the poor kid who got a scholarship for them, and well, I am not that kid anymore."

My eyebrows pulled closer, "Why are you caring this much about their opinions?" I asked, "I never took you as someone who gets affected by others' opinions of him," He always looked more carefree than he is letting on now.

"I don't care about their opinions...I think," He scrunched his eyebrows, confused at his own self, "I don't know, never mind, being insecure definitely doesn't look that good on me."

I smiled and leaned into him, my arm going around his waist, "Don't worry, you will always be my favorite son," I mumbled and he looked down at me with a raised eyebrow, his lips tilting up slightly.

"Also, you forgot one person," I said when I straightened myself. Conner looked back at me, confused, so I clarified, "You said you hated everyone but Chase, me, and Sally," I recalled his words, "You forgot one person."

He still looked confused before realization dawned on him, "Oh god, don't remind me," He grumbled.

I sipped on my punch, "Was it ever...awkward?" I was just curious, "For her to be with Chase?" It sure was hella awkward for me, but I have no right to say that out loud.

Conner shook his head, "Not really," He said, shrugging and the looks of disbelief I gave him had him roll his eyes, "Not everyone is you and Chase, Lilly," He explained, "Highschool crushes are exactly what they are called, reserved only for high school."

"Chase isn't just my high school crush," I pointed out, "He is...well, it's not easy to explain with words," It really wasn't, "He is just...He is my person."

I feel like even if we got separated again now and met five years later, we would fall back into the same loop. It's almost inevitable with him.

Conner smiled at my words and carried on with our previous conversation, "When they first started to hang out together, I won't lie, it was awkward, and Chase being Chase of course talked to me about it and asked but I couldn't say anything or deny him that, he was starting to look okay after a long time," The liquid I drank burned at my throat at that specific part, "And I was more focused on him being okay than on...her."

I nodded, fidgeting with my cup, my eyes on Chase at a distance, standing with his old football team, being his usual perfectly charming self, chatting, laughing, and catching up, "Was he happy?" I mumbled, my gaze flickering to Conner, "With her?"

He shrugged, "Yeah, I think so," He answered, "I mean she was extra good when it came to him."

At least she made him happy...

"Extra good, almost abnormally good," Conner added, he seemed to be voicing out inner thoughts, that fact not settling well with him, "I don't think they ever argued on anything, she would agree on just anything he'd say."

She really loved him, I guess. Or whatever you call that.

I nodded, lowly mumbling, "Maybe that's how it should be."

Conner shook his head, "I don't think so," He said, "Come on, if you are going to end up with someone, it should be someone that you argue with, disagree with on some things, someone that challenges you, and drives you mad half the time."

I smiled at his idea, "Does Sally drive you mad?" I asked, teasingly.

"Hell yeah, that little minx, where is she, anyway?" He asked, looking around, clueless at how I made him indirectly confess it.

When his eyes fell on mine, he sighed, "Don't give me that look, Sally and I have an agreement that fits us both," He explained, fully believing in those words.

"Can't wait to see that come back to bite you in the ass."

He scoffed, "It won't," He said, so sure as he sipped on his drink.

I shook my head at him and grabbed my purse, "I will go to the bathroom," I said, "When I get back, you better have found me Sally," I pointed out and he nodded, looking around again before he pulled his phone to dial her.

I made my way out of the crowded gym and headed for where I remembered the bathroom was located. I couldn't help the nostalgic wave that hit me as I walked down the hallway, reenacting scenes and memories in my head of what happened right here in each spot. Every corner held a memory, some good, some bad but since it's been so long, I couldn't help but smile sombrely at each one of them.

I paused in my steps, my gaze flickering to the door on the right, the one that used to and still leads to the theatre room. Without thinking, I was pushing it open before I made my way inside, my gaze flickering all over the empty soundless room; going over the dark red seats, the large wooden stage, and the brownish piano placed at the side...it all brought back memories of Chase's last year here, to the play I participated in, to the heartwrenching music he played over those very black and white keys.

My fingers brushed the piano's surface and my chest tightened involuntarily. I wished I could just turn back time. If only it was that easy, how many things would I change? Feeling myself about to tear up at the flashbacks, I moved away from the piano, ready to get out of there and push all these memories back to where they belonged, to the past.

I stepped outside, ready to walk further away when my eyes fell on a familiar face, it was one of our art teachers, Ms. Garcia, "Hey," I said, greeting her with a smile. She paused in her steps, her hazel eyes flickering to me, recognition flash over her face and a bright smile broke over her lips, "Oh, Lilly, is that you?"

She was a sweet and beautiful young woman, her young age was probably what made us connect better back in those days. She used to witness all of my arguments with Chase as we used to practice for the play. Oh, the good old days...

I nodded my head and her smile widened, a wave of nostalgia hitting her too, "Oh, look at you, you grew up into a fine beautiful lady, didn't you," She said with a wink.

I chuckled, "You still remember me, huh," I commented and she nodded, "Of course, I will remember the main lead who made my play win first place," She added with a proud tone.

She looked around, "Is Chase here as well, I must thank that boy, I still use his music piece in my play every year," She added and I nodded, pointing toward the gym, "Yes, he is in there," I informed.

She asked me further about what I studied and what I am doing these days, catching up in general. She went back to the reunion hall and I resumed my tour down memory line. I peeked at our old homeroom, checking all the changes that have been made since our graduation.

I ended my tour by entering the indoor swimming pool room, recalling back days from our classes here. I sat by the edge, bringing my hand toward the water and distorting my reflection in there. A distinct memory flashed in my head and I rolled my eyes involuntarily. It was one in which Aylin pretended that she didn't know how to swim when she was a pro when we'd go to the beach in summer, I remember how she cried for help, which made Chase jump in and rescue her. Gosh, I was so blind when it came to Aylin back then, I should've seen all the signs.

I was so deep in my thoughts and in my distaste for that girl that at first I didn't notice the presence creeping up behind me.

It happened so fast for me to grasp or wrap my mind over it, all I remember was a flash of a shadow appearing from behind me in the water before my head was pushed deep into it. One second I was breathing oxygen, the next, I was breathing cold water. A big strong hand tightened over my hair and the back of my head as it immersed me deep into the water, forcefully cutting my airways.

Water rushed into my mouth and nostrils, rapidly filling my lungs. A rush of panic shot right through my body, and I began to thrash, fighting away from the harsh grip, thrashing and splashing water as I searched for anything to catch, to settle on, to just... breathe. I needed to breathe...

Whoever had a grip on me, pushed at my shoulders, immersing me further into the water and preventing any chance of me escaping. I struggled still, a scream so deep in my lungs ready to erupt out loud but when my mouth opened, more water rushed in, my throat contracted, and my lungs burned, almost like someone was slicing it with a scorching hot knife.

I struggled, slapping my hands into the water but my attacker was strong, stronger than me, he was fast, faster than me. My attacker wanted me dead and I wanted to survive...didn't I?

It was a fleeting second only, the one where I thought of what I'd miss if I were to die right here and now...I...I won't miss a thing actually. Maybe it would be better to not exist in this world anymore, but...but images of what would happen to mom and dad, to Max, to my family who loves me, to...to Chase...Chase, his face was imprinted into the forefront of my memory and I thrashed again, crying on the inside as a small part of me tried still to survive.

Too much time passed, and I could no longer fight, could no longer hold my breath, could no longer keep myself awake. My oxygen-deprived brain was starting to give up, my body started to feel so light and my insides so empty, my eyes rolling to the back of my head, on the edge of losing consciousness as my attacker fully pushed me into the water, knowing that he won and I lost...

Water surrounded me from all sides, and blackness consumed me. It was seconds only but it felt like very long excruciating minutes for me. Seconds only before strong urgent hands curled around my arms, my body, they wrapped around and moved me away, pulling me out of the water. Seconds only before I resurfaced back up. Oxygen rushed with full force into my lungs and I gasped. Involuntarily, I started coughing, a fit of them raced up and grasped my burning lungs, crushing them and scratching my sore throat as I tried to find my lost breath. Someone said my name, and someone was helping me adjust to the sudden rush of air but my mind was still in shock and haze to comprehend anything.

I gasped again, trying to stabilize my breathing, my heart pumping so hard, I felt it might jump out of the confines of my chest. I blinked as soft hands carressed my face and wiped the water off my eyes. I blinked again and I was met with his panicked blue eyes. Stressed lines etched his forehead as he took all of me in, trying to comprehend what happened.

It was just us in the room now, only proving that my attacker must've fled the scene after pushing me into the water.

My lips involuntarily trembled and Chase immediately pulled me to his chest, my temple pressed into his body and I brought my shaky fingers up, wrapping them over the fabric of his shirt, fisting it in my broken grip as I tried to hold into something.

He carressed his hand up my arm, trying to soothe and calm me when he was struggling too. My ears were pressed right against where his heart was thrashing, pumping so damn hard inside his chest, "You're okay," He whispered, and it felt like he was assuring himself rather than assuring me. He tightened his hold around my frail cold body and I sank further into his embrace, silent tears fell from my eyes and slid down my cheeks, mixing along with the water as I realized that I am not okay...that a big part of me was wishing to stay under the water.

A big part of me didn't want to survive and I couldn't comprehend why.

********************************

Sorry for the long wait but my life is all types of messy right now and I am trying to power through it.

I hope you liked it. Don't forget to leave your opinion and expectations.

See ya soon :)