"My eyes refuse to watch you leave, so tears will blur the memory."

**************

Lilly's POV

The feeling pressing up against my heart is cold, so cold. Like concrete drying in my chest.

It wraps me in. It invades the part of me that was scared all along.

It's unexpected - top of the world one minute and cut down the next.

I still feel myself in a haze, drinking in the feedback of the news, my mind in a swirling loop between the past, the present, and what's about to change in the very near future.

His parents left after, because today was supposed to be ours. I wanted it to be ours, to make him happy, to celebrate his birthday, and show him that he could still have everything he once had before the drug.

Now I realized, he didn't need my little surprises.

They weigh nothing in front of this. He is going to have what he wants the most so soon.

He is happy. That's the important thing.

I kicked everything away and took his hand in mine, dragging him with me and out of the room, determined to keep this day going as planned. Whatever the problem is, it can be dealt with tomorrow. Today is ours, and I will keep it like this. I won't take away that happy look in his eyes.

"Where are we going again?" He asked.

"Your second surprise," I said, a smile forming on my face, "Well, it's not as big as your parent's news but I-"

Maybe he sensed the doubt in my words because before I could finish my sentence, he paused his steps, and with the hold of his hand over mine, he pulled me closer, his other hand reaching for my face, "Lilly, you've done more than enough today," He shook his head, his words genuine.

"Well, on my birthday, you kind of gave me the best gift of all," I said, and pressed my finger over his chest, "You," I added, my heart beating a thousand feeling against my chest and his eyes lightened. It all started that day.

No matter what's about to happen from tomorrow on, I will never regret this, or him.

He is the first guy to make me feel all of this.

He is my first kiss. My first date. My first heartbreak. My first...

I paused my thoughts right there and pulled him with me to the closed room. I took the keys out and unlocked it. Opening it, I ushered him to get inside and I followed.

The room was mostly empty, they preserve it for occasional meetings in the center. And after a lot of persuasion, they finally allowed me to place the piano in it. Chase's astonished gaze drifted from the piano to me and he shook his head, "You're unbelievable."

I shrugged, "I only did the talking, Conner was the muscles of this operation."

I didn't waste time and pulled him from his arm to the seat right beside the piano, "Come on, let's try it."

I sat down by his side as his eyes ran over the keys, a small smile lifted his lips when with one move of his fingers, he played a random note, "You have no idea how much I missed this."

I smiled, "I know."

He looked at me and I felt my heart beat a bit faster again, warmness blanketed my skin, ridding me of whatever I felt just minutes ago, "Play something for me." I requested.

"What do you want me to play?"

I shrugged, "Anything you want."

He seemed to think about it for a second before a satisfied smile curved his delicious lips, "Okay, I got it," He looked down at the keys, hesitant at first, "If I remember it right, it goes like this," He mumbled, more to himself before his fingers moved, one at a time, pressing up against the keys and bringing the tone back to life.

He tested himself at first, his eyes traced his movements, making sure he is doing it right, before he decided to let go. He smiled, confident in the way he brought colors out of the little white and black keys.

I leaned my cheek against my palm and watched him. In awe, I listened to the beauty of the music he is creating. I shamelessly traced his defined features from the side, I started with his ash-brown hair, which's gotten longer with his stay here. It's thick and so soft, I always loved how it felt wrapped and tangled between my fingers. My gaze drifted down, to the eyes that could light my whole being on fire with only one look. The eyes I've been drowning in for so long. I watched as his eyelids slowly dropped down, as he could concentrate on the tone better with them closed.

A low sigh parted my lips and my eyes followed the defined line of his jaw, then lastly they fell onto those lips that could rid me of all of the sanity in the world. The ones that could wake up an animal need in me. Need to claim them, a selfish need for them and him to be only mine.

Emotions swelled in my chest as I studied his profile in the soft glow of the sunlight reflecting across the room. Whatever doubts I have, I wanted to let them go. I wanted to drown deeper and deeper into the boy sitting next to me, his fingers masterfully moving, bringing this heart-wrenching music to life.

God, he is beautiful. I know guys are not usually addressed with this adjective, but he really is. This is. This is so beautiful.

He is everything, he is kind, he is sweet, he is smart, he is gentle and he knows exactly when not to be, he is handsome, he is hot, he is my little jerk, he is the kid who I tormented and who tormented me.

He is perfect.

I shook my head, my heart slowly breaking again. I ignored that and tried to concentrate on the melody he's playing for me, on the familiarity of it somehow, "I know this," I mumbled, trying to place it somewhere but failing.

His eyelids slowly opened he nodded, "You know it."

"Which song is this?" I asked, squeezing my brain to relate this melody with its corresponding song.

"Hold on, you will get it now," He mumbled lowly and the melody shifted a bit, pressing higher and I smiled, finally figuring it out, "My heart will go on," The song's name left my lips and I felt the lyrics and the words flow within the tone without the need for them to be said out loud.

He played and I felt myself mumbling along the words fitting the melody, "You're here, there's nothing I fear," My voice was nowhere near good or professional or equipped for this song but I carried on, enjoying this, "And I know that my heart will go on," My gaze went to Chase, whose eyes already on me, watching me sing along, admiring me, and in his own way...loving me.

"You're safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on," I finished the lyrics, my smile slowly dropping as the realization hit me. The song, the lyrics, the words...they hit really close to home.

Near, far, wherever you are. I believe that the heart does go on. They played in my brain and I gulped down. Love can touch us one time, and last for a lifetime, and never let go 'til we're gone.

I sucked into a deep breath, fear rushed back in and that coldness I felt minutes ago came back with a bang, wrapping over every awake cell in my being and I felt the goosebumps rise over my skin.

Does he know me that good that he's reading all the thoughts running in my brain? Can he really feel all of my fears and doubts? Is that why he picked this exact song? Is he trying to tell me something without using actual words? Is he trying to reassure me somehow?

Emotions overcame me and they rushed immediately to my eyes, I felt them gather there and his name came out of my mouth with a plea, shaking, "Chase," a whisper.

He didn't let me say more, my vision blurred and all I felt were his hands over my face, and his mouth on mine, kissing me like there is no tomorrow. Because somehow, there really wasn't. He kissed me deeply, so thoroughly, stirring all kinds of emotions within me.

Please don't go. My inside whimpered.

He gripped the back of my head, he lifted me and held me a breath away. I straddled his lap and I know that my cheeks are wet, and I feel his fingers wiping those frantic tears away, never once breaking free. I didn't want to break free. I didn't want this moment to be over.

In seconds only and I am drunk on him and I clutch him to me, closer. My fingers dive into his hair and I pull, needing him to be closer. He thrusts his tongue past my lips and I wrap tighter, grabbing hard at the strands of his hair. His groan fills me and I am blazing under his beautiful, heartbreaking assault.

It's too much.

Too much.

He knows that, and he breaks away. He holds me only an inch away, his arms still around me. Running his nose along mine, my breath catches when he admits, "I love you, Lilly," He finally speaks and my eyes snap open, his blue ones penetrate into me and he drinks in the look on my face, "I love you so much."

My heart stops beating for a second, then it beats again, faster, then slower, then faster again, and the whole world spins around me.

In his eyes, there is a thousand million feeling. In mine, there is shock, there is fear and there is heartbreak. I am still drowning and I want to pull myself out, it's dangerous and I want out, but at the moment, I realize I am too late. I am in too deep.

The knock on the door had me anxiously jumping from his lap, running away. I wipe at my cheeks, removing all the tears away, and ridding myself of that little moment of weakness.

"You guys are here?" I hear Conner's voice before he steps inside, his eyes on us, and he smiles, "Wanted to see if you liked your gift."

Chase clears his throat and he gets to his feet, he forces a smile, I know it's forced, "Yeah, it was perfect." He says, genuinely but drained, "Thank you."

Conner shrugs and looks at me, "Well, Lilly was the brain behind it," He winks at Chase, "She is a keeper."

Chase's eyes drift to me again, and he puts an arm around my back, his hand over my waist and he pulls me back to his warmth, not once giving me the chance to escape. He looks at me, and he nods his head, "I know, she is," he says, not smiling and that happy look is no longer in his eyes because he knows, he knows everything going on in my mind.

He knows and instead of pushing me away, he leans down and pecks my lips, "Thank you for everything," he mumbles.

I look into his eyes and I weakly say, "I just wanted you to have a happy birthday."

He nodded, "It was."

Was.

No longer is.

**************

Monday

Chase's POV

I gathered my books and notebooks into one box, fitting them all in, and placed them beside my already packed bag before I stood straight and took a quick glance around me, at the room that kept me captive for the past two and a half months.

It was supposed to feel like a prison. But it didn't.

The people in my life didn't let it be.

Inside these four walls, Conner helped me with my lessons every day, making sure I graduate on time. Between these walls, my mother brought me food and insisted I eat it all before she went on telling me about her day. My father stayed right here by my side, discussing my future as a pilot even though nothing was sure yet, with countless nights sleeping on that very uncomfortable couch, even though I begged him not to. He never left me alone.

In this room, there was Alex, Cara, Max, and Sally, they all stood by my side. They all visited, they all cared, they all tried to bring a smile to my face. They were all part of the hope that kept me going on, that helped me fight.

But the most important part has got to be her. Inside the sanctuary of this room, Lilly and I started to build memories, we talked, we laughed, we kissed and we fooled around at every chance we got. She made me smile, even when the pain was eating up at my inside. She gave me hope, and pulled me back from the edge uncountable times. She made it easier. She made it bearable.

Despite the pain that accompanies this room, this place in general. It will always hold a place in my heart, because in here, in a span of two months, I felt like I grew up.

"I can't believe that tomorrow is your last day here," Conner's voice pulled me out of my thoughts and I turned around to face him. I couldn't believe it either. In the morning, the doctor dropped the news on me. I was expecting to leave soon, it just never occurred to me that it's this soon.

Conner dropped his school bag and slumped over my bed with a tired sigh. I walked closer and asked, "Don't you have work today?" I asked. With his eyes closed, he shook his head, "Nope, it is my day off," He opened his eyes and gave me a wink, "So today, I am all yours."

I chuckled lowly before I sat down, my eyes went to him and on an appreciative tone, I called for him, "Conner," He looked at me, "Thank you," I said and he immediately shot me a glare, "Not any friend would do what you did for me in the past two months." With school, with his two part-time jobs, he still came here everyday and on a lot of nights, he slept over, kicking my dad out to rest at home.

He shook his head, dismissing it, "You would've done the same for me, I know."

He shifted his body up and immediately tried to change the subject, too much emotional for his taste, "Can you believe that in two months, we will be out of here, in another state, and starting university?"

We both applied to the same university, me for the aviation department and him for the engineering one. Being the little genius he is, he got accepted with a full scholarship, covering all of his tuition and dormitory expenses.

Not so long ago, he got an email from the university that a donor picked him up to cover all of his financial expenses throughout the next four years. He was beyond thrilled at the fact he won't have to work part-time and just concentrate on his studies for the time being. Dad and I took care of that, made sure the donor name never to be mentioned and Conner doesn't need to know a thing about it.

A low sigh pushed out of his lungs, "I can't wait to quit my jobs and get the hell out of here."

I understood his need to get as far as possible from this town. Me, on the other hand, as much as leaving means winning something, it also feels like losing hell a lot.

"Did you think about the summer program?" He asked, his eyebrows pulling closer, "Will you attend it?"

I sighed and dropped the bad news, "It starts in two weeks."

His eyes widened, "Fuck, that close?" He asked, "It's almost right after the final game."

I nodded, "I still didn't decide on it yet," I mumbled, uncertain. The program is a big chance, a very big one, a guarantee for a job right after graduation. Attending it and being qualified enough, I could be one of the youngest to get the title as the actual captain, the pilot in command, entirely responsible for the whole aircraft.

But by attending it, it means leaving. And by leaving, I would lose whatever time I thought I have left with Lilly.

Our finals are starting this week, right after it there is the final game, and right after that, I leave.

I have no time.

So, a big part of me is willing to give up the opportunity. For her, I am more than willing to do just that. At least, we would have the whole summer for us.

I pull my phone out and I dial Lilly's number, we need to talk. Yesterday, after our little moment in the piano room, we couldn't find the time to stay alone and discuss this. I need to see what time she'll be here, so I can kick everyone out, sit and sort this out, once and for all.

It feels like it's our decision to make, not just mine.

"Hello," her soft voice said through the phone.

"Hey," I said, "How are you?"

There was a short pause before she said, "Not that good."

My heart dropped, "What's wrong?"

She cleared her throat, "I'm kind of feeling under the weather," She mumbled, "After school, I went right back to home, I think it's better if I don't drop by today," She answered my unspoken question, "If it's flu or something, I don't want to transfer it to you."

I stayed silent.

"Is it okay if I come by tomorrow?" She asked and I wanted to tell her that I won't even be here tomorrow but kept that to myself, she is not going to come anyway.

"Okay," I said, my tone as blank as hers, "Just take care of yourself."

"You too," She mumbled lowly, "Bye."

I hung up after and lowered the phone. My jaw tightened as I stared at the screen and Conner's question shook me out, "Is that Lilly?" He said, "Is she coming here?"

I shook my head, "She says she is sick."

"Sick?" Conner exclaimed, "Is it serious? Jesus, I talked with her in school today, I hope I didn't catch it," He rubbed at his throat, "Oh my god, my throat is sore, it's because of her, isn't it?"

I shook my head and calmly said, "She is not sick, Conner."

His eyebrows pulled together as he assessed my tone and the change in my mood, "What's wrong then?"

My fingers tightened over the phone, and voiced my fears out loud, "She knows I am leaving, and yesterday I told her that I love her," I explained, "She is just being Lilly-like and running away so she doesn't have to face this."

Lines etched his forehead, "Well, since you know her that good, why did you have to go and tell her that you love her," Conner asked, "You probably freaked her out."

It wasn't liked I could've controlled it. She was in my arms, shaking, crying, kissing me with everything in her, I couldn't hold back, I wanted her to know, to assure her, that no matter what and despite of everything, I love her and I will always do.

I shook my head, "I wanted her to know that, Conner." I needed her to know.

"Why?"

"Because whether I like it or not, I am leaving," I said, even if it is now or in two months, "And I keep wondering, did she change her mind since last time, I wonder is she in or is she out."

"And?" Conner said, sensing that there is more.

"And, well, I don't wonder anymore."

**************

Tuesday

Lilly's POV

"You don't look sick," The words had me lifting my eyes from my uneaten sandwich to meet Conner's hazel eyes. They narrowed at me before he sat down across from me, studying my face, "What do you want?" I asked, energyless, and not in the mood for him as I inched the sandwich closer to my mouth.

"What the matter with you?" Conner's question or the implied anger had me placing my sandwich away. I sighed, his tone not helping with the ache in my stomach or in my chest.

"What do you mean?" I played the clueless role.

He huffed out, "You're unbelievable, you know that?"

"I know."

He shot me a glare, not buying my calm cold posture, "You asked before what's the best gift to give for Chase, right?" He started, "You know what, you didn't need to do all of that, you could've done one thing only," The muscles of his jaw ticked, "You could've not screwed this up. It would've been more than enough."

"This is none of your business," I pointed out, warning him to stick to his limits.

He scoffed, "It's my business alright," He said, "He just got better, this is the last thing he needs."

I placed my sandwich in its wrapper before I dropped it inside my bag, having enough of this, "Like I said," I backed the chair and got to my feet, "It's none of your business."

Before I could make an escape of it, his fingers curled over my arm, stopping and guarding me in place, "Lilly, I notice how jumpy you get every time I mention that Chase loves you," My fingers tightened over the straps of my bag, "I don't know why it's so hard for you to accept that," I turned around, ready to snap at him, ready to push him away, but he carried on, not giving me a chance, "Isn't it obvious? For god's sake, I feel like he's been in love with you since I met him," He added and I wanted him to shut up.

"And the crazy thing is, you love him as well." He said, "But you're too stubborn to realize that."

I gritted my teeth and pulled my arm out of his grip, hating all the facts he is spitting in my face.

I started to walk away but he managed to say, "Talk with him, Lilly, talk before it's too late."

His words hit that sensitive place in my heart, the one bleeding and screaming for Chase. They slapped against the area in my brain, the one that's been thinking and thinking, unable to sleep, unable to eat, just thinking.

I stopped and turned to him, his eyes softened; he just cares, about me, "You're only hurting yourself like this." And about him, "You're hurting him as well."

I shook my head, "Don't you get it," I said weakly, "I am doing this so I won't hurt him, if I go to him when I am this much disoriented, I will end up saying something and hurting him," I shook my head, "I don't want to do that, so I am thinking, I am just thinking, I am arranging my thoughts, I can't hurt him again Conner, I just need time, time to think, time to understand...I just need time."

Conner shook his head and his words had my heart dropping, "You may not have enough time, at least not as much as you think you do."

*************

My gaze flickered from the road to dad beside me. Conner's words ringing in my ears non-stop.

You don't have time.

He's been in love with you since I met him.

You love him too.

My eyes went to the backseat to see Max's airpods plugged into his ears, his eyes on his phone, totally oblivious to us.

"Dad," I started, breaking the silence and needing to say something, needing to talk or I will explode with the heaviness of my thoughts.

"Huh?" He mumbled.

I straightened myself in my seat, "How...how did you know you were in love with mom?" I asked. Everyone tells me I am so much like my dad, inside more than outside. So, maybe, maybe he could help me find answers.

His eyes flickered to me, confused for a mere second before they went back to the road, "Well, we had sex, it felt different, I knew I loved her then," He answered, ever so casually.

"Ugh, dad!" I said in annoyance. Too much for getting answers.

"What?" He asked innocently before his eyes widened and his head snapped to my direction, finally realizing my motives behind the question, "Hold on, hold on, hold the fuck on, why are you asking?" He asked, "Forgot what I said, forget it all, don't you dare have sex to see if you love him, don't, don't you dare have sex at all!"

He facepalmed and sighed, "Oh my god, I shouldn't be allowed to be a father."

He really shouldn't.

For the first time, sex is definitely not the answer to my dilemma.

Feeling there is no use from dad, I leaned against the window and thought, prepared in my head the conversation I will be having with Chase. Even if I can't figure anything out, I need to talk to him, today before tomorrow.

When we reached home, Max was the first going down and before I could reach for the door, dad stopped me. I turned to him, confused at first.

A low sigh parted his lips and his answer this time was so simple, "I just knew."

Lines etched between my eyebrows at his words and he explained, for some reason, he really explained it to me, "In the beginning, I kept asking myself that same question, do I love her? Is it love or something else? When I was still doubting what it is, I knew that I wasn't there yet."

"And then later, in one little moment, I just...I knew that it was love," He shook his head, "It doesn't mean that in that exact moment it happened, no, it was feelings accumulating over time, one on top of the other, and in that exact moment, I just knew."

"Because Lilly, love doesn't happen just like this," He added and I listened, reveled in the fact that he is explaining it to me, from his own point of view, "It's called falling for a reason, you fall and fall and you fall."

He means it's a step, by step, by step.

"What happens when you hit the bottom?" I asked, it is called falling, which means, one way or another, you will hit the ground at some point.

He shrugged, "I wouldn't know the answer to that."

At first, I didn't understand, but when I did, my heart melted at the insinuation, "You're still falling?"

He nodded, a beautiful smile curved his lips, "I am still falling."

He gave me a knowing look, "She is my cupcakes, I'll never stop falling."

For the first time in two days, I felt warmth, my head tilted to the side, still curious and using the chance that dad is opening up to me, "What was that moment, that exact moment you knew that you loved her?"

His smile widened, "It's so silly and small, you won't even believe it."

I shrugged, "It's okay, tell me."

He got himself comfortable in his seat, preparing to share it with me, it's weird we are still sitting in the car, discussing this, but I liked it, "So, your mother and I were dating for some time and it was her birthday," He started and I listened intently to him, "I picked her up after her work to take her out for dinner, and as a joke, I brought her cupcakes as a gift because-"

"Because she is your cupcakes," I explained on his behalf and he nodded. It's a tradition they still do. They are so weirdly cute.

"And she was so hungry, she took one and started eating right away." He carried on, "Anyways, I asked her something, I really don't remember what I asked her back then, but I remember how she looked up at me, her mouth full with the cupcake, there was frosting at the side of her lips, she looked at me, all innocent and cute and she just shook her head like this, multiple times and went back into devouring the poor cake," He chuckled, "And at that moment, I knew that I am in love with her."

I chuckled, "Really?" I asked and he nodded.

"She just shook her head and you fell in love?" I asked but I got what he meant nevertheless, it was all emotions accumulating, one after another and at that moment, even as small and as meaningless as it may sound, it is when he realized it all.

"Yes, at the moment I knew this woman is gonna have my babies one day." He added and I smiled, "And she really did."

He mirrored my smile, "She definitely did."

"Thank you, Dad," I said, appreciating this little talk, "You can be really sweet when you want to."

He shrugged, "I do have my moments."

I chuckled and before I could exit the car, he talked, his tone turning serious, "I answered your question, so the least you can do now, is answer mine."

I turned to him and nodded, ushering him to ask.

He stared at me for a full second, he sucked into a deep breath and asked, "Do you...love him?"

"Doesn't the fact that I asked you about this, answers your question," I said, reflecting all of the doubts I still have.

It's emotions, accumulating, I know that. All I know is that they're still in the process of accumulating or else I would've said it back yesterday. But, I didn't.

Something still held me back.

"Lilly, if you really care about him, you need to let him go," Dad said, for the first time addressing this matter seriously, and not with anger.

My heart throbbed at the let him go part, but then I understood, he didn't mean what I understood, he meant to let him leave, "Dad, I would never push him to stay."

He nodded, "I get that, but this summer program is so important for his career, he is building up his future Lilly, he needs to, so don't hold him back." He added, "Over the past year I saw how much this is important to him, he is just like Ashton in that sense, he cares a lot about his job, his career, and his future...yet still yesterday when I asked him about this summer opportunity, he sounded hesitant for some reason," Dad rolled his eyes, annoyed by his next words, "Now, I know what that reason is."

The reason is me.

Dad's eyes warned me one last time, "So don't...don't hold him back from that."

*************

I kept the phone in my hand for what felt like hours, my fingers itching, hovering over his name, ready to press and dial, but that coward in me didn't dare to call him just yet.

The phone rang in my hand and I almost jumped, my heart throbbed when I saw his name flash across the screen. Jesus, does he really read my mind?

I gulped down, gathered whatever courage I had in me, and pressed the answer button, "Hey," I mumbled.

Without greeting me, he said, "We need to talk."

I nodded, forgetting that he can't see me, "We need to talk," I repeated his words, unable to imitate the strictness his tone held, "Should I come to the-"

"Open your door," He said, interrupting me.

Confusion drew my eyebrows closer and I got to my feet. I opened the door and much to my surprise, he really was standing there. My eyes widened a bit, "How did you-" I tried to say but realized that I was still holding the phone to my ear. I lowered it down and stared back at him.

"You're out," I said in realization. How am I not the first to know that he is out of the center?

He didn't comment. He didn't look angry or anything. His face expressionless, giving nothing in. He extended his hand forward, upside down, and involuntarily I placed my hand in his palm, accepting his silent offer. His fingers wrapped over my hand, perfectly, before he pulled me with him out of my room.

He walked me down the stairs and into our backyard. He stopped right by the loungers positioned by the pool. My gaze went from them and to him, I smiled, I had to smile, "I kissed you right here, that very first time."

He nodded, "You took me way off guard that day, I gotta admit that," He said, his eyes lingered over the spot where it all started and I still could read nothing of his expression, "I always learned to expect the unexpected from you," He looked back at me, "You're relentless, you're wild at times," He smiled, finally giving me his beautiful smile, "And you're so very dangerous, Lilly."

His eyes caressed my face and he added, "You have the courage to lose yourself in the things you truly want and I really love that about you," He added and my heartbeat accelerated.

"I am the total opposite of you," I said, yet somehow, I feel like we're one and the same. I am the rush in his calmness, and he's the calm in my storm. The perfect puzzle.

He nodded, "That's so true."

I smiled at the thought, "I am out of control, while you, you love the control."

He agreed, "I love to be in control, it keeps me calm," his smile was back once again, "And you exploded into my calmness in a way I can't explain."

"It annoys you," I added.

He shrugged, "I still love it."

He is not shying away from the love word.

I gulped down, my smile slowly dropping, "Why are you telling me this?"

His smile dropped slowly, "Because I have a feeling that when I am going to leave here, I am not leaving with a smile on my face," A low sigh left his lips, "There are a lot of things we never said out loud, Lilly, we are expert in the unsaid, and now, we need to talk about it."

I nodded, agreeing, and ushering him to start. Because I have no idea what to start with. He is the one in control, not me.

"I am leaving," He started.

"And I am so proud of you." I really am. "I want to be happy for that fact, but-"

"But you are not," He completed the sentence on my behalf.

I shook my head, "You'll be far away, Chase," I said, deciding to speak out every fear and doubt and maybe let him see it the way I do, "I won't see you, I won't touch you and I won't feel you and you know that I don't do well with that."

"And it's not a matter of months or a year or even two," I explained, "Next year, I will graduate from high school as well and I've made up my mind, I want so badly to study abroad, even though dad didn't accept it, I will convince him somehow, this is something that's been on my mind for some while, and I am working on it from now," He didn't interrupt me, he just listened, "So that's four years for you and four for me and adding this year, it'll be more than five years Chase, more than five years before we're in the same place again, so do you really think that we can keep this going for five straight years?"

"I can," he mumbled.

My heart broke and on a silent broken whisper, I asked, "Do you think I can?"

He stayed silent.

I shook my head, "We'll be apart for five years, that's too much. Too much. For the past two days, I am just thinking about this, trying to see if there is a possibility for this to work, and I saw none, the only thing we'll be doing is just ruin how perfect this is," I said, "One way or another, we will just break up in the end."

"What if we don't."

"We will."

"Why you're not even willing to give it a chance?" He asked, lines forming between his eyebrows.

"Because it's not worth it," My words slammed him in the face and I felt him edge backward, hurt at the impact.

I immediately shook my head, "No, no, not like that, it's not what I meant," My heart pulsed and throbbed, "It's not worth losing you forever, Chase." I admitted, "I can't bear the thought that risking this now could cost me the chance to have something later."

He shook his head and calmly said, "I don't understand."

"I am saying that I don't want to end this, Chase, but-"

"But, you're still ending it somehow," He carried on and he edged forward, crowding me, "What are you saying now, Lilly, that we put a pause on this, we- we take a break?" he asked me, in disbelief, "And five years from now, we continue from where we stopped?"

"Why not?" I asked, my intentions innocent behind this, but I feel like he misunderstood that.

He shook his head in disbelief and stepped away from me, "Why do you have that big belief that we would just break up anyway?"

"Because people who even live together break up after that much time, so why do you think that us, who barely even lived this relationship the normal way we were supposed to live it, won't?" I asked, "For the longest time, I will be in one place and you're in another, different time zones, different everything, I won't know where you are or what you're doing," Anger that he is not understanding my point infuriated me, "How would I know that when we fight, that you won't just go get drunk and-"

I stopped myself right there, the widening in his eyes stopped me.

"That I won't just go and sleep with some other girl?" He asked, the amount of disbelief in his voice ruined me, "Say it, why didn't you?"

Lines formed on his forehead as he questioned, placing all of my insecurities on display, "You don't trust me, do you?"

"I do," I know how much he cares for me, but, "And I don't."

"Maybe it wasn't cheating but sure as hell felt like a betrayal," I explained my point of view, my fears, "If that happens again, there is no way we'll recover from it ever again."

Every word fed the shock and disbelief in his eyes, "I came here, expecting that the worst thing you'll tell me is that we'll break up," He said, "I didn't expect something worse coming out of your mouth, but just like I said," Hurt flared in his eyes, "With you, I expect the unexpected."

"But you know what, if this how you really feel about me, we're doomed anyway, we won't need the long distance to break us up," The hurt at my accusations was much more evident in his eyes than the fact that this is ending, because he prepared himself for this but not for my little insecurities.

"Chase, you misunderstood me," I started.

"I understood you quite alright, Lilly," He shook his head, "I can't believe I was going to give up this whole summer program just to be with you, just to have more time, to convince you that we are worth the risk," Why do I keep making it worse? Why can't I let him see it the way I do?

"You shouldn't give anything up," I am not holding him back.

"Now, I am not."

He shook his head, "You really have made up your mind, haven't you? And there is no chance in hell you'll be willing to bet on us, is there?" He wasn't expecting any answers from my side, "Or to trust me enough that I am going to keep my promises for you, each one of them."

"I know you're angry, and the last thing I want Chase is to hurt you, but I tried to explain it you, I'll never see these five years a winning chance, I see it as a risk, a failing one."

He shook his head, "I am not angry, and I guess you're right," He said, "So this time, I am not going to fight for you or force you to change your mind, because yes, we are young, but we're not kids anymore, it's your decision, I guess you're responsible enough to stick to it."

The hurt in his eyes that he tried to cover up so bad, hurt me as well, "Because this time, you'll not break my toys and then one hour later, apologize and we continue to play," I am breaking his heart, aren't I?

With all of my attempts to explain this in the best way that wouldn't end up with him hurt, I still failed.

"I am sorry Lilly, but I also made my own choice and I can't play your little game, I can't press pause now and five years later, unwind and continue," He shook his head, "It doesn't work that way."

I stayed silent, unmobile, no tears even came to my eyes. All I felt was the coldness from two days ago, it took over me, little by little, till it consumed me in.

"I think it's better if I leave," He mumbled, but before he could walk away, he faced me one last time, "That first day at the center, I asked you to leave, I told you to stay away, why didn't you?"

"How could I've left you alone when you were going through something like that?"

His eyebrows pulled closer, "So, you've stayed by my side on the worst days of life," He said, like it didn't make sense, "You've stuck with me through the bad, but now, you're saying that you can't stick with me through the good?"

"Chase, it's not like that-" Why does he keep misunderstanding every word I say, am I that bad at expressing myself, or is he this much hot-headed to grasp what I am trying to explain?

"You know what actually, you're right," He started to back away, "Your father, he was right, he told me once that we're not responsible enough for this, I didn't believe in his words back then but he also told me that love is a sacrifice, a one that we're not willing to take yet." He nodded before he turned around and started to walk away, "I can see what he meant now."

"I am not ready for such a sacrifice," I mumbled.

He didn't even flinch, "I know."

Air pushed out of his lungs and he said, "Something that I wanted for years, that was supposed to be the best thing happening to me, the one thing I thought missing from my life, how did you-" his eyebrows pulled together, "How did you manage to make it so awful? How did you manage to make me hate it? To make me dread it?"

I shook my head, tears rushing to my eyes, "That's not what I want," I whispered, "I want you to he happy, please don't let this ruin it."

He shook his head, "Too late." He said, matching my whispering tone. The tears blurred my vision, just so I won't see him walk away and leave me behind.

I looked at where I was standing and more tears fell.

One place. One spot. Yet two very different memories.

One, when it started. Two, when it ended.

**********************************

By Maximum Friday, the next part of this chapter will be up and it will be the last one in PART ONE of this story.

And after it, you will have a small chapter, let's call it the prologue of PART TWO (I already have it written xD)

*rubs hands together* Anyone else excited?

Teaser for next chapter:

In that exact moment, I knew how right my dad's words were.

One little meaningless and silly moment and you just know.

I smiled. I just knew. One day, I will have this man's babies.

See ya soon, and love y'all!