Chapter 20 - Don't give me hope

So, according to the votes on my wall, almost everyone sacrificed Roman and Lilly, lol let's say RIP to them xD

Meanwhile;
Emma: *sharps her knives* dare and touch my husband!
Nik and Alex: *loading their guns* who the hell is after our daughter?

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"You were a beautiful time in my life, and if that's all you'll ever be, then that's okay. Not all art is destined to hang on the same wall forver."

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Chase's POV

It felt wrong.

So wrong. To be here.

I know I shouldn't. Yes, Aylin and I aren't together at the moment, but she is waiting for me. My decision hasn't changed since we last talked, but she is still waiting and hoping.

This felt like a betrayal, because I would be a fool to ignore the way my heart started beating when I saw Lilly holding onto the ribbon so tightly; when I heard her mumble my name in her sleep. The walls I built were slowly tumbling down, the muscle behind it was aching for her; her smile, her smell, and her touch.

Her eyes were still closed, deep in her sleep and unaware of my presence. I could just leave now, walk away, I could not complicate things, but...I couldn't move a damn muscle, locked in a trance. I couldn't wrap my mind around everything I was feeling. The tightness pressing over my chest only intensified the longer I gazed down at her.

I was happy before, or so I thought. At least, I had things under my control and a part of me, the smart logical one, he wishes she never came back. Because the second she passed out in my arms at the airport, was the moment I lost the strains that were keeping me intact.

And here I am, back to ground zero. Back to the very start, helplessly craving things I shouldn't have, things I wouldn't allow myself to have.

Lilly and I will always be a losing battle. We never worked, we never will again. We tried, and each time, someone had to fuck things up, was it me or her...our story will always be half-lived. My belief and trust in us are shaken to the core, and that's not something we can't just look past.

But that doesn't stop me from wondering if it's ever possible to just forget and start over. Can I forget? Can she? Can we erase all the bad and start anew? This new her, this new me, can they click as the old ones did, can they be more mature, more responsible, can they handle and carry such a relationship, the right way?

Too many unanswered questions roamed my brain, too many possibilities. I tried not to think more, not to imagine, I tried not to hope as my hand went to her face, my thumb brushed the warm skin of her cheek, the need to feel her more prominent than every insecurity I have about us.

I sucked into a deep breath, and Lilly blinked, her eyelids opening halfway, "Chase," She mumbled, her voice barely audible, her consciousness half here, and half still lost in her dreams.

"Yeah," I said, and her eyes closed a bit before she opened them again, she blinked, her hazy gaze on my face, "Sleep here," She urged, lazily patting on the pillow beside her.

I smiled at her sleepy state, I bet she wasn't aware of what she was saying or doing, everything was still too foggy for her. I did by her demand and laid down on the empty space by her side. She didn't hesitate, she immediately inched closer, taking comfort over my chest and I wrapped an arm around her back, seeking that same comfort.

A low breath of satisfaction left her, "Better," She mumbled, her broken hand rested comfortably and her fingers fisted my shirt, holding onto me and I couldn't shake the way my pulse accelerated. Sometimes, I feel like she is a totally different person, and then moments like this occur, where I realize that she is still that same little girl. The innocent, wild, go-getter who would do whatever she wanted, despite the risk.

"Are you okay?" I asked, a part of me still worried about what that son of a bitch did to her. My hand was running through her hair and tucking it behind her ear.

She hummed, burying her face deeper into my chest, "Uhuh," She was too tired to make words, but I wanted to know more, "Did he hurt you?"

"No," She mumbled, "But, I wish you didn't go," She whispered, brokenly and I remembered the fear in her eyes when she hugged me and said goodbye two days ago.

My jaw tightened, "I wish I didn't either."

"It's okay," She said and moved around, her face resting in the crook of my neck before her gaze drifted up, her sleepy eyes on mine, "Because you won't leave me anymore, right?" She requested, her hand leaving my shirt and resting over my cheek, her words hopeful.

I couldn't disagree with anything she was saying, not when her gaze was so innocent and aching. I nodded, "I won't." I said and a small satisfied smile lifted the corner of her lips. Her hazy gaze slowly drifted down, her hand moved over my cheek and rested over my chin, her finger slowly ran over my lower lip and she sucked into a deep breath, "I really missed you," She breathed the words out.

Uncontrollably, my body and heart tightened at her actions and words. My sight is still adjusting to the fact that she was here, in my arms, like it was five years ago. It was insane. She was all different and the same. Waves of long, light brown hair framed her beautiful face, cheeks high and defined, with redness covering parts of her white skin due to warmness, with a bit on the tip of her nose. Her eyes are still hazy, a bit lost but more pure and innocent. My gaze flickered further down, noticing the distinct softness pulling at her full lips.

My mind played the dirtiest games, it reminded me how it felt to have them pressed all over mine, fighting a battle we both always lose, the way her hand would grip at the back of my hair, tugging and pulling, and how her body would go weak and submit to the intensity of the moment. It took me all the way back to our last night together and I wanted to curse under my breath, my blood boiling with a forbidden need I shouldn't have.

She was the one lost piece to my puzzle. A piece I learned to live without. A piece I don't need anymore, but somehow I still want.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice her edging forward, a fraction only and we were both breathing the same air. A mere second and I felt her lips on mine, they just brushed, a feather-like sensation, the softness had my eyes closing, it brought back too many unwanted memories. I didn't move, neither did she, something between us pulling and pushing all at once.

My pulse took off a sprint and the second she moved her lips, I pulled away. Finally, the logic kicked in and I placed my hand over her shoulder, guarding her in place, "Go back to sleep, Lilly," I grated out. If I don't stop this, I would lose all of my restraints. I would be taking advantage of the girl who is half asleep, and half with me. I would be physically betraying the girl who was still waiting for me to come back and tell her my decision.

Lilly shot me a glare, her eyebrows pulling closer in annoyance, "You are still a little jerk, aren't you?" She added, whining before she lowered her head, burying it into my neck, her tone proving to me she isn't totally aware of everything unwrapping around her.

My jaw ticked, and anger rushed over my chest, eluding me of all the previous feelings. Mostly, anger at myself. All these years and I still have no control or whatsoever when it comes to her.

It didn't take her long to fall back asleep. Her breathing evened out and brushed against my neck. When I was sure she was all out, I carefully pulled away, letting her head drop over the pillow before I pulled the blanket over her body and backed away.

I left the room and closed the door behind me, trying not to make much sound and wake her up. I raked a frustrated hand through my hair and was about to head back downstairs when I came face to face with the infamous uncle.

He crossed his arms over his chest, his smoldering stare unwavering, trying to intimidate me, "Why are you here again?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, "Check on Lilly, why else?"

His eyes narrowed at me and he took a step forward, crowding my personal space. My jaw ticked, if he wants violence, we can do violence. I respected Alex, that's why I never reacted to his hostility against the thought of me and his daughter, but I don't have an ounce of respect toward this man.

"Why?" He asked.

"Lilly is family, we grew up together-"

"And she is my family," He stressed out, interrupting my words.

"As far as I remember during all these years, you weren't there, so you have no right to question me," With that, I walked past him, my shoulder brushing his rather harshly. My words served their purpose, triggering him and his hand shot to my arm, stopping me.

"I have her ex-boyfriend tied to a chair downstairs," He started, his voice hard and his tone threatening, "Do you want me to reserve a place for you next to him, because I wouldn't mind that."

One thing only my mind took notice of, "He's here?" Rage curled in my chest and erupted out as I stepped closer, questioning, "Where?" Heat expanded like fire over my chest, "Where is he?"

My obvious anger had his eyebrows pulling closer, "What do you want from him?" He asked, curious.

"He hurt her," The aggression spiked, filling me with the anger that I hate, "That is not something I am just gonna look past."

He didn't say anything back, his gaze on my face, silently studying me, and analyzing something. He broke his stare and rubbed a hand over his jaw, "You better stay away from her," He warned, "For your own good."

With that, without answering my damn question, he walked away. Air pushed out my chest, bothered by the lack of information. Still, I wasn't at all threatened and I definitely won't listen to him. Let's see what he'll do.

I walked downstairs, Alex wasn't anywhere in sight to get any answers. It was already late, so I decided to head out for now. I will have to deal with him later, that's for sure. Calling Conner, I checked if he was still staying at Sally's place. So, I got into the car I rented and drove there.

After a rather long drive, I reached the house, Conner opened the door for me, "Sally is sleeping," He explained, "She has an exam early in the morning."

I nodded and slumped down on the couch, exhausted, mentally more than physically. Conner joined me and had to open his mouth, adding more to my distress, "When I called you about Lilly, I just wanted to inform you," His eyebrow raised, "I didn't mean get on the next plane and come here."

I breathed out and rushed a hand over my face, my lack of response had him asking, "What are you doing Chase?" He asked, not caring to hide the bit of blame and disappointment from his tone.

I met his gaze and shook my head, "I don't know."

"Did you and Aylin break up?" He asked, accusing me of what I was already feeling.

"Kind of," I explained. Leaning forward, I pressed my elbows over my knees and placed my throbbing head in my hands, having slept only a couple of hours over the past two days taking its toll on me, "I told her I wanted to end this, but she insisted we take a break and asked me to think more about my decision."

"And?"

"And my decision didn't change of course." I just can't shake the guilt away. I should've never started this with her. Now, I am hurting someone who did nothing but care about me.

"Of course it didn't," Conner's tone was sarcastic, "Because Aylin served her purpose and now her role in the game is over, isn't it?"

His words had me lifting my head up, looking at him, confusion cut lines over my forehead, "What?"

He pulled into a sigh and leaned forward, his words serious and honest, "I never wanted to talk about this before, you were okay and all moved on, and I didn't want you to think I was hung up still on my high school crush," He scoffed, as if the thought too silly. I knew he wasn't, we had the talk before anything between Aylin and me happened, "But Chase, why her, why Aylin?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, not liking where he was going with this.

"Look, I am not saying you did it on purpose, but a part of you, as small as it is, it gave Aylin a chance because you knew how much it would hurt Lilly."

My jaw tightened, "Conner, that's bullshit."

He shook his head, "No, Chase, you were hurt, there were literally a hundred different other girls, but you picked only Aylin, because you wanted Lilly to taste that same hurt."

"I would never do that on purpose!"

He nodded, "Not on purpose, I know, on a subconscious level maybe, but you still did it," He said, "It's about time you admit it to yourself."

Bewildered at his accusation, I shook my head, refusing to acknowledge his words, "That can't...it can't be true," I grated out, "Okay, maybe Aylin was just there at the wrong time, in the wrong place and things just happened," I added, "But I can't deny that I wasn't okay before, and with her, I started to feel better."

Conner nodded, "Yeah, that's only because you were having things under your control again," He was spitting facts I wasn't ready to face yet, "Being with Aylin was a decision, a one you willingly took, but Lilly, she was never a decision for you, was she?"

Being with her was more like an instinct, something I didn't plan, everything wrapped up, and just like that, out of my control, it unwrapped. Conner is right in this nevertheless, being with Aylin was my choice, and being the one in control of that decision gave me power over my emotions. I wasn't lost with her, I was fully sane and logical. Every step we took was calculated and measured.

But now, the second I knew Lilly was hurt, logic fled right out of the window and like the fool I am, came running back to her, defying every rule, and breaking every restriction I imposed on myself all those years ago.

"I am not saying this to hurt you, you know that," Conner interrupted my thoughts, his intentions pure and genuine, I know that, "I just think you should acknowledge all of this, or else the past will repeat again."

"It won't."

He nodded, "It shouldn't."

He sighed, "Look, I care about Lilly and I won't wish her any harm, but the thought of you and her now," he gave me a shrug, "I am sorry, it just...it doesn't feel right," Again facts, "She is hurt, vulnerable, and if she wants to be with you now, it's only because you're familiar to her, you are a safe ground far away from the hurt she felt and to be honest, I think you deserve better than that."

He let his words end there and he got to his feet, "I have to sleep, got work early in the morning," He said, "You should rest as well, you look miserable."

I shot him a glare, hating how now I have to think all of this through, "So, you took that one psychology class in college, and now you are pulling all this crap on me."

He smiled and nodded, "Took an A in it, so you have to listen to me."

I shook my head and he gave me a knowing look, "Tell me I am not right."

"Partially right only," I stressed out.

"So, you are thinking about you two, aren't you?" He shook his head, scolding me like I am a kid, "Goddammit Chase, did you not learn a-"

"No, no, I am not," I interrupted him. Maybe I can't control the way I feel, but I can control the way I act, I can control my decision this time. My heart will always say Lilly, always, but my brain isn't calling for her anymore, my brain won't make that same mistake again.

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Lilly's POV

Today seems to be a good day, great even. If you compare it to all the events that unraveled over the past month, today is perfect.

My brother is fine, my dad and mom are no longer mad at me. I am not being kidnapped or threatened with a knife. The danger has cleared out with the presence of all these overprotective men around me. I did very well in my exam considering I studied at the last moment and most importantly, I had an amazingly beautiful dream.

I smiled at the memory. You know these dreams, the ones that when you wake up, you just want to sleep and resume them again. That was me this morning. The remnants of my heavenly sleep still following me throughout the day. It's the type of dream that feels too real. His touch, his hug, his kiss. It's almost as if I can feel them over my skin still.

In my dream, there was no past holding us back, in my dream, no one left, no one betrayed. In my dream, he was him and I was me.

We were those little innocent kids again.

I woke up with a smile on my face, ready to face the day. Dad wasn't joking when he said he won't let me out of his sight anytime soon. In the morning, he drove me to the campus, waited for me to finish, and now, he is taking me back to the house to continue my studies. A couple more exams and I can go back home. One week only. I let out a relieved sigh. I can handle one week.

Dad was talking non-stop, his usual self that I missed so much and I was half-listening, half deep in my thoughts and daydreaming. He muttered one name, one word only and I whipped my head to him, "Chase?" I asked, "When did you see Chase?"

"Last night," Dad answered.

My pulse took off in a sprint, "Chase was here?" I asked, my eyes growing a bit wide at the realization, "Why?"

Dad rolled his eyes, not liking his next words, "He came to check up on you."

Oh my god, was that not a dream?

"So, it wasn't a dream?" I whispered to myself, "Did he really kiss m-"

"He did what?" Dad shot out, his loud voice filling the car as his bewildered eyes flickered from the road to me.

My eyes widened, "No, no, nothing, it's nothing-"

"Lilly, for god's sake, I just caught one of your ex-boyfriends, so can you just take a damn break?" He scolded, way too annoyed at the fact as he heaved out a breath, "Do you want to kill me or something!"

I shook my head and gulped down, trying to remember last night, trying to figure out what was real and what was not. I looked down at myself, staring at my lucky blue sweater as I mumbled, "Don't worry dad, I swore off guys."

Dad scoffed, "That would be a dream coming true!"

My brain got lost again. The mention of the whole ex-boyfriend had my stomach tightening uncomfortably; I only wondered, what did they do to him? What do they plan to do? I am too scared of the answer.

I pushed the thought to the back of my head, refusing to think of the possibilities. My hand went to my hair, playing with the ribbon that I tied in a bow over my head and I let out a low sigh. Today, I was starting to feel more like myself again.

"Dad, can you take me to my place?" I requested and he shook his head, about to refuse, "I just want to study with Sally, please, pretty please," Of course I had other motives, I know Conner is still here, so maybe Chase slept there, maybe I can see him and check what happened. Oh god, I hope I didn't say anything too embarrassing, "I promise I won't leave the house at all, and later at night, you can come and pick me up."

My angelic tone had him looking at me, so very unsatisfied. I gave him a sweet smile and he sighed, "Okay, but you won't go anywhere without telling me," He warned.

I nodded excitedly, for the very first time agreeing with his overprotectiveness. At least now, I am aware of where it's coming from.

Considering we were still close to the campus, the drive to the house was shorter. When dad pulled the car by the building, I immediately leaned in and kissed his cheek, "I love you," I said before I grabbed my bag, ready to get down.

My three little words made him smile, our relationship was bouncing back to the way it was and I know there is still a lot more I need to do to fix what broke between us, and I will. I will work hard till I can erase the scar my action and words left on him and on mom. My mistakes can be fixed, I should just be willing and I am.

"If you need anything, call me," Dad added and I nodded as I closed the car's door and went into the building. As I climbed up the stairs, I heard someone whistle from behind me. I turned around and saw Conner rushing and catching up with me, "Hey!" I said.

He looked at me from up to down, his eyes narrowing as he inspected my state, "Okay yeah, you are fine and alive, I don't need to feel bad for leaving the Motorcross without you," he said jokingly and I shot him a playful glare.

I showed him my hand, "I broke my hand, you know," He gave me an exaggerated eye roll, "Gosh, how will you ever survive that?" And we are back to his dramatic responses, "Tragic, I know. I wonder who is gonna play you in the movie."

I couldn't help but chuckle lowly but I punched his arm still. He is acting so indifferent toward me, but I know deep down, he still cares. Although, I think he didn't fully forgive me for hurting his best friend. I can't blame him for that.

We walked side by side toward the apartment, "So, what are you doing here?"

My eyebrow raised, "It's my house, you do realize that?"

His lips curled in annoyance, "I thought you will stay with your family, but here you are disturbing my comfort."

I sighed, "Yeah, sorry to interrupt your sex session," I remarked with mockery, "But worry not, I won't be sleeping here, so you can resume later."

My words made him smile and he gave me a wink. I only shuddered in response. These two are unbelievable.

I unlocked the door and stepped inside, our voices had Sally coming out of her room, she was still wearing the clothes I saw on her during the exam, proving she just arrived as well, "Hey, we could've come here together," She exclaimed as I dropped my bag down and walked further inside, "It was a last-minute decision," I mumbled, my eyes drifting around the house. Was he here? Did he leave? Where is he?

Realizing he isn't here, I let out a low sigh before I turned around and saw that Sally is already by Conner's side, he said something and she giggled, all flirtatious, before he leaned down and pecked her lips quickly. I rolled my eyes at their show of affection and crossed my arms over my chest.

Conner's gaze drifted to me and he let out a loud annoyed breath, still bothered by my presence, "Why are you here, again?" He asked and I threw my arms in the air, frustrated at his hostility.

"I am gonna go study in my room, you two do whatever you want," I mumbled, disappointed at the fact that Chase isn't here. My shoulders slumped down in defeat and I closed the bedroom door behind me before I slumped over the bed.

I looked down at myself and played with the hem of my sweater, I wrapped my fingers over the collar and pulled it closer to my nose, smelling it. Another disappointed sigh left me, it doesn't smell like him. It smelled like him for weeks after he left, I would wear it and helplessly cry, missing him every day more than the one before. God, how much do I hate those days.

The low knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts and I mumbled, "Come in."

Conner opened the door, his eyes fell on me and he stepped inside, "What? Should I plug my headphone?" I asked, my eyebrow arching.

He rolled his eyes at the insinuation behind my tone. He didn't say a thing as he inched closer and got comfortable on the bed beside me. He rested his back against the headrest and intertwined his hands behind his head, his eyes drifting around my room, before they fell on the nightstand, taking notice of the picture I have there.

He let out a low breath, his eyes focused there as he said, "If you are wondering, he didn't leave yet," He turned to me, easily figuring out the reason why I dropped by, "He just had a few things to do and he will be back anytime now."

I gulped down, my eyes on his unsatisfied ones, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

My gaze dropped down to my lap, "Disappointed," I mumbled. I've been getting that look more often these days, I memorized it by heart.

He straightened himself a bit, "Not that," He said, "I am just hoping you won't be selfish like before and do something irrational again."

Even dad called me that word. Selfish. Guess, I am that after all.

I looked back at him and shook my head, "I am not doing anything." I defended.

His eyebrow raised, "So, you came here just to study, huh?"

I shrugged, "I just...I wanted to see him," My intentions are pure behind this. Just see him, that's all.

"Okay, whatever floats your boat," He said, not believing me, "Look, I know you are hurt now, and having Chase around makes you feel better, but you can't use him as your comfort pillow, Lilly, and just toss him around when you are done, I expect you to be more mature by now."

My heart clenched so tight at the accusation, his words, they hurt and I shook my head, "No, no, that's not what I am doing," My voice came out weak as I tried to defend myself, "I would never do that," Yes, everything I did before was wrong and selfish, but using Chase, no, I am not that cruel.

I got up to my feet, "And you don't get to interfere," My tone turned strict, flustered at his words and actions toward me, "This doesn't concern you."

He stood up and faced me. He scoffed, "It does, because apparently when you two get together, you both become stupid, one of you needs to be thinking clearly this time."

I shook my head, "We agreed to be friends, and yes, his presence gives me comfort, but we said, it's just friends."

"And you believe that?" He asked, "You believe that you two could be just friends?"

"What if we can't, huh?" My voice raised a bit, bewildered, "Let's say we became more than friends again, how does that affect you?"

He sighed, "It doesn't affect me, Lilly, but I lived with the guy, I know how it will affect him," His voice lowered, and no longer accusing, "You just got out of a relationship, and not in a very good way I might add, so you need time, you need to keep distance, or else Chase will end up being your rebound and you know," His voice softened, reflecting his care, "You know that what you could have with him is bigger than just that."

His words held a meaning I didn't know he was implying at first, "So, give yourself time, give him time to adjust to your presence again, keep a distance, and maybe then, after all of that, if anything happened, at least it will be the healthy way."

I knew he was right. I am not emotionally or mentally ready for anything of that sort yet, but the pull toward Chase is something I haven't lost after all these years, and sometimes, I can't help it. His presence consumes and absorbs me into a whirlwind of memories and emotions.

But he is right, I should be mature, selfless, and deal with my feelings the right way before I dare make any decision, and well, Chase still has a girlfriend, so...

I nodded, "When did you become so mature?" I asked, my eyebrow raising playfully, hoping to lessen the tension our little argument caused.

He smiled and winked, "Always been."

I shook my head, "Not when it comes to your relationship, I might add."

His eyebrows pulled closer, "My relationship? I don't have...oh, you mean," He nodded his head toward the outside and I nodded, "What you two are doing isn't healthy either," I added.

"It is healthier than anything you and Chase ever did," He mocked me, "We both know where we stand, unlike you two, we actually talk about what's happening, we use our brain," Look at him accusing and blaming me again, "So, you're telling me this casual thing won't end in a disaster?" I asked.

I am sure it will, they are both just so oblivious.

He shook his head, "It won't," He said, "She is my friend, there is care between us, there is an obvious attraction we can't fight, but there isn't...love."

I shrugged, "Not yet."

"She doesn't want that, neither do I, not now at least, and if we notice anything of that sort happening, we said we'll stop," He added, both of them have it all figured out.

"Actually, hearing you say this makes me feel good," I said, my tone sarcastic, "It makes me realize I am not the only stupid person in this house."

He shot me a glare and I gave him a knowing look, "I might be the worse there is to give a relationship advice, but when you look at things from the outside, you can see it better, I am just saying, this is a recipe for a disaster," I shook my head, "I wouldn't want any of you to end up hurt, that's all."

His eyes narrowed at me before a smile broke down his face, "You know, I wanna stay mad at you, but I can't help it when you act all cute and shit."

My lips pulled up, "It's my weapon," I added proudly and he chuckled, "Conner, I know you won't easily forgive me for hurting your friend, and to be honest, it actually makes me relieved that he has someone like you," I stepped closer, "But now, I am trying to change some of my habits, the way I act and I am trying to start over, so," I shrugged, "I think I would just like to have my son back," I teased and his grin widened as he ushered me to get closer, "Hug and make up?" He asked.

I answered him by wrapping my arms around him, he hugged me back, "I am not saying this to hurt you or him, I just think that at some point we should always face the truth, not run away from it," He said, genuinely. I pulled back and nodded my head, "I know, you are right after all," I pulled into a deep breath, "I will be careful."

He nodded, agreeing. Our little conversation got interrupted by the two people talking outside, one of the voices belonged to Chase, and against my better judgment, my whole body felt out of control again. Careful Lilly, you will be careful.

Conner nodded toward outside, "Come on," he urged and I followed. Once outside, my eyes searched, falling into him. His met mine right away, and I sucked into a deep calming breath.

"What were you two doing?" Sally asked, her eyebrows pulling closer as we walked out of my room.

Conner shrugged, "We kissed and made up," He said and I pushed at his arm, chuckling at his silly words. Sally rolled her eyes, not interested and Chase shot him a glare, shutting him up.

I stepped forward, stealing Chase's gaze back to me. They softened instantly and I mumbled a low, "Hey."

His eyes flickered up to my ribbon, and the corner of his lips pulled up, cracking a smile as they went back to mine, "Hey," He said back, Sally said something about getting food, Conner followed her as Chase and I walked to the living room.

"Dad told me you dropped by last night," I started as I sat down on the couch. He nodded, "I just wanted to check up on you but you were sleeping."

I swallowed hard and fidgeted with my sleeves, "Uhuh, about that, did I...did I say anything?" I asked, the anxiety filling my chest beyond compare, "The pain meds for this," I waved my broken hand, the situation getting me so nervous, "They're a bit heavy and make me sleep so I am not aware of anything after I close my eyes," I ended my words with a nervous laugh.

He just shook his head, "No, no, you didn't."

I nodded, sighing in relief, thank god, "So, uh, when are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning, I have an early flight," He answered.

I looked at my lap, the fabric of the sweater getting ruined from how much I nervously played with it, "So, when do you plan on giving me my sweater back?" His words had me looking up right away, his eyes at what I am wearing as a tease fluttered all over his lips.

I shook my head, smiling, "It's my sweater. It became mine the day I took it."

His eyebrow raised, "But I gave you the ribbon back," He pointed out and I shrugged, "I didn't ask you to give it back," I stated.

"But, you are wearing it," He added, nodding toward my head.

Involuntary, my hand went to my hair, twirling it in my finger, "I just wanted to feel a bit like my old self."

"And do you?"

I shook my head, sadly, "No, I am trying but I don't think I ever will."

His eyebrows tightened, "Why are you trying so hard to change yourself?"

I shrugged, "No one seems to like this Lilly," I gave him a somber smile, "I figured that maybe I should work on myself."

He nodded, "Working on yourself is something, but changing everything, that's...it's not right," He refused the idea, shaking his head, and I wanted to say more, explain more, tell him that maybe if I was the old me again, he would forgive me, and we...I shook my head, no, I won't let myself think the thought even.

Talking with him isn't helping my case, because I feel like I would just open up, say everything, and end up complicating what's between us more. So instead, my hand went to my hair and I untied the ribbon, I took it off and inched closer to him, I opened his hand and placed it there, "Keep it with you," I shook my head and closed his fingers over the silky material, "When you left, I told you only give it back when we are together again," I looked up at his eyes, they held the same confusion in mine, the same fear, and almost the same hurt.

I shook my head, "We are not together," I swallowed hard, "And maybe...maybe we'll never be, and that's okay, so just keep it with you, or else you will be giving me hope, and hope would make me commit mistakes now, and the last thing I ever want is to hurt you again."

I retreated my hand back, "So, please Chase, don't give me hope."

I got up to my feet, building the distance I should always keep between us. Hands reached for my arm, making me pause in my steps. I turned around, my gaze determined as I faced him. Confusion and doubt cut lines between his eyebrows, "Did something happen?" He asked, sensing my sudden attitude.

I shook my head, "No, but one of us should be responsible enough," I hated how Conner was right because I would be a liar if I said I haven't considered the thought of me and Chase getting back together, it was a twisted forbidden fantasy of mine, because even when he says no, even when he calls us friends, I can still see the longing in his eyes, those eyes never failed to show me everything he felt, "I think I should be that one this time."

I offered him a smile, ending the conversation there, "I will see you back at home, Chase."

With that, I turned around, and walked back to my room, texting dad to come and pick me up.

Careful. I will learn to do that from now on.

The selfish Lilly looked after her own pain and betrayed Chase, and the reckless one ended up with a mistake named Christian. I shook my head, I will never allow myself to commit the same mistakes again. Never.

*************

Four days later...

"You're still doing it wrong," He commented and I let out a loud frustrated breath.

I stopped and tried to take off the boxing gloves, "It's not fair," I groaned in annoyance as I struggled to take off the damn thing, "You are this tall big muscular human and I am just this little tiny thing," I angrily threw the gloves at the mat, way too annoyed by my failure, "I would never be able to beat you!"

The corner of his lip pulled up in a half-smile at my frustrated state. I shot him a glare, making that smile drop immediately. He stepped forward and picked up the gloves again before he stepped closer. I refused to give him my hands again but he grabbed at my wrist and pulled it closer to him, placing the gloves back on, "Well, Emma is smaller than me, but if she wants, she can take me."

My eyes grew wide in astonishment, "Really?"

He nodded, his green eyes flickering to mine, "I think she can, I am just not willing to bet on it."

I smiled and right then, "I heard my name," I turned my head to see as Emma came to a stop beside the ring, her hands over the ropes as her eyes narrowed at Nikolas in suspicion.

He just shook his head, dismissing the subject and she said, "You're needed, big bro," She said, her words implying something only he understood and he nodded, "Okay, I am coming, just a minute."

I wiped at my forehead, removing the sweaty strands of my hair away, "Are you training her?" Emma asked, excitedly, before she pulled her body up, and got inside the ring, joining us, "Can I, can I?" She added, loving the idea way too much.

He nodded before he turned back to me, "She is your size, maybe she can show you a thing or two," He said with a wink and I couldn't help but smile.

He did keep his word and after I went to the doctor to check up on my hand, and he made sure I am all alright, he brought me here, trying to teach me something, anything that could help me defend myself but needless to say, I suck at this, that and he is going way too easy on me because of my hand.

Like for god's sake, I can't even throw a punch the right way.

"Go easy on her," Nikolas warned Emma and she rolled her eyes, "Of course, of course," She turned to me, her eyes twinkling in mischief, "How about I teach you how to punch like a girl?" She asked with a wink and my smile only widened. I am starting to like this about her, the confidence, how comfortable she seemed to be in her own skin, and with her own unique personality.

I wish I can have that. After everything that happened, I am starting to hate all there is about me. I am starting to see all that is wrong in myself, which really sucks. Part of why I want to change so bad. I want to like myself again. I want my confidence back, and all of my insecurity erased.

After rather an enjoyable training with Emma, Wyatt came and called us for dinner. We left the underground floor and as we headed upstairs, Emma threw her arm around my shoulder, "God, I think it would've been fun to have a daughter instead of a son."

"Mom, I am here," Wyatt said, annoyed at what she implied.

She turned to him and sighed, "Yeah, I love you and all, but you are still all male," She added in disgust and his eyes grew wide, he threw his arms in the air, "I am still right here!"

I chuckled, and Emma added, "I am just so sick of all the testosterone in this house, I need a female," She pulled her arm from around me, "You know what..." She whispered, thinking something through before she called out, "Roman!"

"Meet me in the bedroom, we are making a daughter, right now, quick!" She added, her voice loud for everyone else in the house to hear before she climbed up the stairs, trying to find uncle Roman.

Wyatt stared at her back in disbelief and I chuckled, "We have such a weird family, don't we?"

He nodded and turned to me, looking so fed up as he let out a loud sigh, "I can't wait to go to college."

**************

I've been postponing this since the day they caught him. I've been dreading it, trying not to think about it, running away from the thought, but not anymore. In a couple of days, we are leaving back to the US, and I would never get the chance to know what happened, or what's going to happen to him.

After dinner, and after I made sure everyone was busy with something. I snuck my way to here but the metal door was locked. Nikolas has been keeping it locked since I last went wandering downstairs all alone. Thankfully, I asked Wyatt so secretly if he has any keys, he gave me a very proud look, asked me to wait a bit, and disappeared somewhere.

My gaze flickered to the room's door when Wyatt walked inside, way too many keys in his hand. He stopped by my side and handed them over, "One of them should open it," He said, "But, there is another door downstairs," I pointed out and he nodded, "Yeah, these keys can open anything that shouldn't be opened," He winked, "Just try till you find the one."

He was about to turn around and leave but I stopped him, "You're not gonna help me?"

He gave me an are-you-serious look, "Do you want me to get grounded?" He scoffed, "You're on your own cuz, I am going back to my game," He added, pulling his phone and pressing buttons and playing as he left me here all alone. The little devil.

I tried the keys till I found the one, I tried not to make much noise as I closed it behind me and went down the dark stairs. In another scenario, I would've been scared of this place, of my dark surroundings, but no, I am more terrified to see what's waiting for me in there, to see the result of my dad's actions.

Struggling with all the keys till I found the one, I opened the second door and walked further inside. I entered the first room, the one Nikolas trained me in today. I remember him coming from its other end when he caught me snooping before.

With my heart in my throat, I headed that direction, only leading me to another corridor. Who the hell built this place?

In the end, there was another room, and the door was locked as well. I tried the keys and again found the right one, I couldn't help but wonder where did Wyatt ever get his hands on these? He is something alright.

I opened the door, and with hesitant footsteps took a step inside. Nothing ever could've prepared me for what I saw next. The room was small, cold, and damp. The scent of blood and death hung heavy in the air. And at the far corner, a bloody mess of Christian was on the floor.

I gasped, the sight of him beaten up, looking like this sucked all the oxygen from my lungs and I rushed forward. I dropped down by his side, my eyes taking into his state. He was unconscious now, his back against the wall, his head hanging low, at a very uncomfortable angle. Blood covered almost every visible skin of his body and god, his face...it's almost unrecognizable.

The scars, the bruises, the blood...

My hand flew to my mouth, and without my control, tears fell down my cheeks, unstoppable. Never have I seen anything more horrific than this, maybe just the video he showed me, but witnessing it with my naked eyes, to someone I once cared about and loved, is beyond excruciating.

I shook my head, no one deserves this, no one.

"What did you do, dad," I mumbled brokenly, still unable to adjust to the existence of this side of him. He's blinded by his overprotectiveness of me that he isn't seeing sense anymore. This is wrong. Christian didn't do that big of a crime, this is so very wrong.

With my hand shaking, I slowly brought it to his face, feeling the destruction my family brought upon him and more tears broke free, the helplessness I felt breaking out of my throat as a low sob. I sniffled and inched closer to him, my hand on his shoulder, I tried to shake him, hoping he'd wake up. If it wasn't for the light rise and fall in his chest, I would say he is dead.

They won't stop, they won't stop till they kill him, won't they?

I shook my head, I won't let that happen. I need dad to see how wrong this is. He is still a good man, he is still the father who raised me to differentiate between what's wrong from right. I can still reach that part of him, his conscience that won't let him just kill any soul.

"Christian," I mumbled, my voice breaking again and I shook him, wishing he'd open his eyes and show me he isn't dead.

His forehead creased, a low groan of pain rumbled from his throat as his eyes slowly glided open. I can only imagine the amount of pain he was feeling. He blinked again, trying to regain his consciousness.

He tried to move around but that only ended up causing more pain. I placed my hands over his shoulder, keeping him in place. His head turned to me, his hazy eyes trying to focus on me, and trying to understand my presence.

The white of his eyes was almost red, they were more grey than blue now, but they looked tortured, reflecting his immense pain, "Lilly," He mumbled, lowly, his voice barely making it out.

I nodded, "Yeah, it's me," I said as I pulled the napkin from my pocket and tried to wipe the fresh blood from over his face. He winced at the contact but he let me, his eyes on me as I tried to lessen the mess they inflicted on him, "Why didn't you stay hidden," I mumbled, "Why did you have to come out and kidnap me, at least they would've not done this much to you."

Was I feeling bad for someone who should be my enemy? Yes, I was. Because this wasn't fair. It's not a fair fight. Christian's mistake was lying to me, he didn't physically cause harm to anyone. He didn't hurt Max, or else I would've not had an ounce of compassion toward him.

When I had all those people around me, taking care of me, protecting me...he had no one. His father was stolen from him, he was left all alone to face this world. I can never imagine myself going through this life like this. Just a couple of weeks of not having my dad and I was a total mess.

Christian isn't the villain here. He is still a victim.

His eyes were on me as I tried to wipe the blood away, he didn't say a thing, he didn't move a muscle, he just stared back at me, "Tell them who hurt Max, Christian," I urged, hoping to reach the logic in him, trying to pull on his survival instincts, "Maybe then, they'd let you go."

He shook his head, "They won't stop," He mumbled, his tone reflecting his defeat. Joe said it, Christian knew he didn't stand a chance against my family. He believes his fate is sealed with death now that he's caught.

I shook my head, "My dad isn't bad, he is not gonna kill you," I wanted to believe in those words myself.

"You'll never stop defending him," He whispered, the words barely leaving his throat. The thought felt so contradicting, considering the state he is in now.

I shook my head, retreating my hand back, I gave up on trying to wipe the dry blood, it was no use. I gulped down before I reached for the water bottle I brought with me. I opened the cap and inched it closer to him, "Hey, drink this," I urged, I bet they gave him no food, no water, nothing.

He shook his head, "I can't," He mumbled and that's when my gaze flickered to his hands. The sight had me gasp, a stuttered breath left my lungs and more tears rushed back when he tried to move his bloody hands and failed. My chest shook and I inched closer, my shaking hand went to the back of his head, and I placed the bottle's tip to his lips. I tilted it and allowed him to drink some water. It's all I can do.

When he finished, I pulled away, sniffling as I placed the half-empty bottle away, "Why are you doing this?" He asked, his eyebrows pulling closer as he kept looking at me, "Be like him," He added, "Make me hate you too."

I wiped at my cheeks, "Actually, people say I am like my dad in a lot of things," I shook my head, "I wish you can see him like I do."

"I don't need to, Lilly, I've seen enough."

I was stuck in the middle. I couldn't blame dad for killing his father, for hurting him now out of anger and anguish of losing both of his kids. At the same time, I couldn't feel that Christian deserved any of this. He only broke my heart and I continued the rest, I went on and broke my family.

He didn't. I did.

I didn't know what to do. How can I make things right? How can this end with no one getting hurt?

I need to talk with dad. I need to convince him otherwise.

I wiped under my eyes, determined, "I will fix this," I mumbled and met his gaze, "But till then, please Christian, just tell them who hurt Max, please, if you ever felt a thing for me, tell us, save yourself," I shook my head, "Don't cover up for them, because if you do, you'll be paying the price yourself."

I hoped he'd listen to me. It's the only way dad can be convinced. If the real danger is cleared out, maybe then he can see how wrong everything about this is.

I got up to my feet and headed outside, finally ready to talk to dad about this. I closed the door behind me, I locked it again, I wasn't gonna set him free. But I was too lost in my thoughts to notice the footsteps nearing me, and when I turned around, I came face to face with dad.

His eyes held mine, they flickered behind me then back to me. His jaw ticked and he took another step forward, "What are you doing here, Lilly?" He tried to keep his voice steady and composed, trying not to lash at me again.

I stood my ground and inched closer, "Dad, you can't do this to him," I said, my tone respectful still but pleading. He rubbed a hand over his jaw and looked away, he let his eyelids drop down, air pushed out of his chest as he sought control, "Lilly, I don't want us to fight again," He warned, settling his strict gaze on me, "So, don't interfere."

"But dad, this isn't right, you are blinded with your love for me, you aren't seeing how wrong this is," I shook my head, "This isn't you, you can't force to accept that this is you," I inched closer to him, "I know you, dad, you wouldn't do this, so please, you have to stop it, please."

He shook his head, but before he could refuse, I added, "Dad, he isn't a bad person, he is just a broken lonely boy, he-"

I never thought I would bring this up, I never wanted to face this, never wanted to accept it. I didn't say the next words to hurt dad, I would never do that again, I only said them because maybe they can change his mind.

Tears prickled my eyes, "Dad, he is already been hurt," I whispered, "He has that same scars over his wrists as you."

*************************************

So, long time no see lol xD
I was really lazying out from writing, ugh, scold me next time!

Anyways, so whatcha ya think of the chapter?

Oh also, as I went through your comments and thoughts, I realized how hard is it to satisfy everyone with this book. In "The death of me" for example, there were only two groups: Those who hated Nik, and those who didn't. So, it was easier to satisfy you with the end.

But for this book, there are:
1) Those who hate Lilly but love Chase, 2) those who hate Chase but love Lilly. 3) Those who love them both, and 4) those who hate them both. Oh, also, 5) those who want Lilly with Christian xD

I MEAN JESUS CHRIST HOW CAN I EVER SATISFY YOU ALL! Lmao xd

Anyways, I still love ya all!

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