"I am desperately seeking love, but also desperately avoiding it."

*************

Lilly's POV

The moment we stepped out of the airport, little cold drops of rain hit the bare skin of my arms. I looked up at the grey sky and groaned in utter annoyance...just what I needed now.

"God, it's June, why it's raining?" Sally exclaimed in disbelief when the rain got heavier by the second.

She placed her purse above her head protecting her hair and I shielded myself under the roof, not daring to take a step forward just yet, the cold air hit my bare skin and goosebumps erupted all over my body.

I shivered and the next thing I felt was something warm touch my bare arms, "Hey, put this on you," Chase said and I turned my head to see him placing his pilot jacket over my shoulders.

I gulped down at the warm sensation and my gaze lifted up to his caring one. I couldn't help but think that no matter how badly I change, he will never change. Mr. Chase Ryder, ever the gentleman.

I mumbled a low thank you and placed my arms inside the sleeves, sinking into the warmness and the comfy sensation it brought to my body. I looked down at myself and couldn't help but smile, it was too big for my own sake. My finger moved to the wings pin and I traced it, still finding this whole thing so very cool.

When I looked back at Chase, he had a hint of a smile as he watched me wrap the big jacket all over myself. My eyebrow arched playfully and I made a small twirl around, showing him my outfit, "I would've made a good pilot, wouldn't I?"

His eyebrow raised playfully, his lips pressed into a thin line and he shook his head, being brutally honest, "I don't think so."

I take it back, he is not a gentleman.

I gaped at him and lightly punched his arm, "Come on, you are such a reckless driver," He commented, supporting his theory.

My eyes narrowed at him, "Well, you're fast too!"

He nodded, "I am fast, but not reckless," He pointed out and I wanted to punch him again. True to his word, I am a bit of a reckless driver, even dad said that on multiple events, considering the many scratches over my car and how many times I took it to be fixed. Thank god, I never had any big accidents, just hitting it here and there.

The topic we brought had me mentioning this, trying to bring my dignity back, "By the way, I can drive a motor very well now!" I said proudly.

His eyebrows pulled closer, "Really?"

I nodded, "Yup, I learned."

"How did you learn?" He asked, curious but at the same time, very amused.

I shook my head, shaking the thought far away, "It doesn't matter, I just learned," Before he could ask more, I added, "Being reckless did pay out, I bet I can beat you now."

Tease fluttered all over his lips and he shook his head, his cockiness rising up, "I don't think so."

"Well, I guess we gonna have to try and see," I said, daring him.

He accepted the dare and nodded his head, "I guess, we will."

We exchanged a look for a very brief moment, a look I didn't understand, a one I bet he didn't get either, but it brought back a very weird sensation to my stomach, tightening it even more. I turned my head away, breaking our gaze, this comfortableness I am having toward him today not settling well with me. I should be careful. This isn't the past. I can't repeat the past again.

Sally huffed out, "It's not stopping!" She groaned, addressing the heavy rain, "And the car is all the way on the other side."

Chase stepped forward, "You guys wait here for me," He extended his hand forward, asking for the keys, "I will go get the car."

Sally handed it to him and explained where she parked it before he walked away and headed toward the parking lot. Sally and Conner kept talking, mostly catching up on work and school. They also seemed very comfortable with each other's company, despite what happened.

But, it's different for them. It wasn't a relationship. They weren't in love. No one ended up hurt or heartbroken.

I sighed and looked down at myself, his jacket felt like his warm arms wrapping around me, and the sensation brought back many dreadful memories; memories of Chase and those of Christian, just proving to me how much I needed to be careful. My mind and heart are neither ready nor prepared for any of this.

But that didn't stop me from burying my nose into the jacket's collar. My eyelids closed almost immediately, sinking into everything he is. The familiar scent felt so much like home, and I just realized how much I missed home. I blinked my eyes open, staring ahead at the country I've been in for over four years...this isn't my home. It was an experience, a phase, an adventure.

But like any adventure, it's bound to come to an end, and then it's time to go home.

Just a couple more days, I assured myself, I'll finish everything that connects me to here and I will go back...I need to go back to where I belong.

A few minutes later and Chase got back with the car, we three went in immediately and he took off. I opened the map application on my phone and gave him road directions toward our place. While Sally and Conner in the back seemed very content, just talking about random things.

Halfway through, Chase and I were mostly silent, with me just leading his way, not more. Conner and Sally burst out laughing at something, Chase looked at them from the rear-view mirror, "We wouldn't mind laughing as well, you know."

Conner dismissed him, "It's an inside joke, you wouldn't get it," And just like that, they went back into talking and laughing.

Chase's gaze drifted to me, his gaze pure clueless, "I seriously don't get what's happening," He mumbled lowly and I nodded, "Believe me, me neither."

I turned my head to look at Sally, her eyes met mine and I gave her a wink. She shot me a glare and leaned forward in her seat, opening a conversation with us, "So Chase, how does it feel to be a pilot?"

"Well, I am still a co-pilot," He explained, "I need to finish the required hours and then I will become a pilot officially."

She nodded, "Still, it must be very cool!"

"Yeah, yeah, it is," Conner interjected, "And he isn't very modest about it."

Chase looked at Conner through the mirror with an unsatisfied stare. Conner smiled and tapped his hand over Chase's shoulder, "Still, he worked hard for it, you deserve it, buddy."

His words had me turning my head to look at Chase again, I stared at the side of his face as he and Conner talked and I couldn't help but think; how different things would've been if I didn't leave? If I attended the same university as him, would we still be dating? Would those things at his house be mine?

Or would've I still fucked it up, somehow?

At least, one thing for sure, I would've not met Christian, I would've not discovered the truth, my brother would be okay, my parents wouldn't be hurt and I wouldn't be such a mess.

The thought had me looking down at my lap and I fidgeted with my phone's cover, being here keeps bringing Christian to my mind, and to be honest, a small part of me is scared...what if he showed up?

I didn't know Chase was calling my name till I felt his hand rest over mine, shaking me back in. Flustered, I lifted my gaze to him, "Which way?" He asked, and a bit of concern at my sudden silent state flashed into his eyes. I swallowed hard and looked at my phone, "Uh, go right," I said, pointing in the correct direction.

He nodded and kept driving. For some reason, he didn't remove his hand from over mine right away, "You okay?" He asked, his voice low, only for me to hear.

I looked at him and nodded, "Yeah," I said and he gave my hand a gentle squeeze, a reassuring one before he retreated it back.

I stared at my hand, at where his was and I used my other one to rub against my aching chest, searching for my lost breath. What the hell am I supposed to do with all these conflicted feelings?

**************

"You've got a nice place here," Conner commented as he walked into the living room, his gaze drifting around our house. Temporary house. Thank god, we are graduating soon.

We ended up getting some take-outs, since it is already getting late and I am starving, I can tell the same about the guys. So, we ate our food, talking about random things, mostly catching up on the previous years without bringing any sensitive subject of course. A small smile lifted my lips as I stared at them, I really missed the four of us all together.

I expected the first night back here would suck, so I am kind of thankful they're here. I don't feel alone now, and it's the only thing I've felt since I left this place.

"So, tomorrow you're going back?" Sally asked Chase and he nodded, "What time?" She added.

"At five," He answered and she turned to Conner, "What about you?" She investigated, "Are you gonna start working right away?"

Conner shrugged, "Depends, I am waiting for a call from the company."

Sally's smile widened, "Okay great, then before Chase leaves, we can at least go sail around a bit," She looked at them both, "What do you think?"

Conner looked more than delighted at the thought, while Chase seemed to be still very hesitant. His eyes drifted from her to me, "Shouldn't you guys be studying, you said you have exams right away," He said, fishing for an excuse.

"No, no, I already finished everything," Sally was ready with her answer, "At night, I can catch Lilly up on everything," She turned to me, her gaze hopeful, begging me to say yes and I caved and nodded. It won't be too bad to have a bit of fun after everything that happened.

Sally squealed, "Oh my god, we should take them to Motorcross, they'll love it," Sally said and it did feel like a good idea. Even when I wouldn't go there with Christian and his friends, I would go with Sally and Noah and we'd have so much fun.

And they'll be with me, it's not like Christian would just show up there, right? God, why does he keep pushing himself into my mind? I really hate it here. I can't wait to go back.

I gulped down and shook the thought away. I turned to Chase, trying to drift my mind from this, "Actually, it's a good idea," My eyebrow raised, challenging him, "I will show you how I can beat you."

He nodded, accepted the challenge, "We'll see about that."

Sally started talking about the first time she got on a motor and how she fell off before she even started the engine, and we all laughed at the memory.

Chase leaned backward in his seat, he raked his hand through his hair and I tried not to stare at the way his biceps flexed and moved at the simplest of tasks. His hand traveled to the back of his neck, his eyelids closed for a second as he rubbed at it, tiredly.

"You guys must be tired," I said, sensing Chase's exhaustion. I knew he had a flight right before this one, so he probably hasn't slept yet, "Yeah, yeah, why don't you rest," Sally said, standing up, she rested her hand over Conner's shoulder, "Uh, Conner can stay in my room," She announced, and then came the part I was dreading from the start, "And Chase, well, you can sleep in Lilly's room."

Conner looked more than happy with the sleeping arrangement and he helped her gather the plates before they both disappeared into the kitchen. I got up to my feet, nervousness eating at my inside, I could tell the same for Chase as I lead him to my room. I opened the door, "Uh, there is a bathroom in there, you can take a shower if you want and change, or whatever suits you, I mean just be comfortable, you know..." Fuck, why is this so nerve-wracking. I can't even speak properly. Gone the old Lilly who would've probably made a joke of joining him in the shower, because we are definitely not at that type of comfortableness yet.

Chase scratched the back of his head, his hesitant gaze drifted from my room and fell back on me, "You know, I think it would be better if I just slept out there on the couch-"

I immediately shook my head, totally refusing the idea, "No, you're already so tired and you have a flight tomorrow, you need to sleep well and be comfortable."

"Yeah, still, I don't think it's...appropriate-"

I understood why, it's exactly what I felt when I was at his place, so I said it without shying away, "He never came here," I explained and his shocked eyes fell on mine, realizing how much I understood his inner thoughts, "Uh, Sally and I had a rule, for no guy ever to sleep over," I shrugged, "You guys now are an exception," I pulled into a deep breath, "So, just sleep here, I want you to be comfortable, and I will sleep in the living room."

I turned around, ready to let him get comfortable but his hand shot to my arm, stopping me. He shook his head, "No, just stay here, this doesn't need to be awkward," He said, "And the bed is big enough, it can fit us both."

I nodded, agreeing, "Also, don't worry, I won't touch a taken man," I said, hoping it would come out funny from my mouth, but no, it only came out bitter. I can't help it. It's not my right, I know. We won't get back together, it's not that easy, I know that too. But, I just can't help it. The thought of him with another girl, especially Aylin, them sharing what we once shared, makes me sick to my stomach...which only made me realize this is how he must've felt when he learned about Christian.

Oh, karma is a bitch alright.

Suffer Lilly, suffer, you deserve it.

He didn't say anything back and I changed the subject by showing him where the towels are and left him to take a shower and change. I slipped into something more comfortable and went back outside to see if Sally needs anything. I paused my steps in the kitchen, watching her place the dishes in the dishwasher and thankfully Conner wasn't in sight.

I stepped forward and she turned to me, "You better not have sex," I warned and she rolled her eyes at me, "I can't be suffering in the next room and you are having an orgasm in the other one," I shook my head, "Don't you dare!"

She shrugged, "I won't promise anything."

I playfully slapped her arm and she chuckled. Her eyes stayed on me and her smile slowly faded away, "How are you?" She asked, concern and worry cut through her expression.

I shrugged, "Okay."

Her eyebrows pulled closer before she inched closer, her arms went around me and I hugged her back, I buried my face into her shoulder, "I wish I was there with you," She mumbled and I shook my head, "No, it's okay."

She gave me one big squeeze before she backed away, her hand still over my arm, "Are you really okay?" She asked and her head tilted as she read through the mess in my eyes.

"It just sucks to be back here," I admitted, "Everything reminds me of him, and I am just...scared," She immediately shook her head, "Nothing will happen, don't worry, we'll finish our exams and we'll go back home together," She said, assuring me, "You'll never have to get here again, hopefully."

I nodded, "I hope so."

The thought reminded me of myself exactly four years ago. When I came running here, desperately needing a change, a new beginning. I scoffed at myself, I am doing the exact same thing, but this time running back home. To be honest, as scared as I am, a part of me wishes I can see him, so I can let it out. I wanna scream at him, hit him, ask him if he knows who hurt Max, or how easy was it on him to lie to me and trick me? How was he able to do it for two long years? Was it all a lie, every single thing?

"Just go and rest now," Sally said, giving my arm a gentle squeeze, "And try not to think about him, he doesn't deserve to disturb your comfort, and in the end, he will be caught, he can't run forever," That is true.

I nodded and gave her a small smile, "Anyways, on a totally different note," I teased, "You and Conner seem to hit it very well."

Her lips curved into a very wide grin, "It's just been a while, I think I've missed him," She mumbled, making my teasing smile only widen, "Well, he looks like he missed you as well."

She waved her hand, dismissing the subject, "Well, you and Chase seem to be on better terms as well."

My smile slowly dropped and I let out a low sigh, "Chase and I, I have no idea what we are."

I shook my head, refusing to think it through, "Anyway, I'll go sleep, I am really tired, good night," I left the kitchen and stressed out again, "And don't have sex!"

I heard her low laugh before I closed my room's door behind me. At that same moment, Chase got out of the bathroom, he had changed into something comfortable, and the strands of his hair a bit wet from his quick shower. He ran his hand through them, pushing the stubborn strand away from over his forehead, but it went down again. He was wearing a white sweatshirt, the color only highlighted his eyes, a very deep blue I am sure I am gonna sink in again. I sucked into a deep calming breath, stopping my thoughts from drifting to somewhere else, someplace unknown and forbidden. God, with the white and all, he looked like a fallen angel, I swear.

Okay Lilly, snap back, snap back you stupid girl.

I pretended to be busy as I rampaged through my drawers, searching for nothing in particular. My gaze flickered from my closet and to Chase, watching him as he inched closer to the bed, he sat by the edge, his gaze occupied by the framed picture on the nightstand.

I felt the blush creep up my cheeks, I totally forgot I had this one placed there. He edged forward and took the small frame in his hand, his lips curved a small smile as he gazed at the two little people in the picture. I found that my cue to leave my aimless search and inch closer to him. His eyes flickered up to me as I paused by his side, "You still have it," he commented, a bit taken aback by the fact.

I nodded before I sat down by his side, my eyes on the picture as I talked, "You said you kept the ribbon because it gave you hope," I mumbled, feeling his gaze on me, "This picture is the same for me," I met his eyes, "It reminds me of a much simpler time."

His smile was gone by now, the look in his eyes unreadable. He blinked, shaking himself out before he looked back at the picture in his hand, his thumb caressing the glass, right on the spot where little me lays, "I really didn't like you back then, huh," He commented, his tone playful, addressing his very annoyed state in the picture.

I smiled and nodded, "Yeah, but I think you have the right to," I pointed at myself, my finger lightly brushing his, "Look, I am squeezing the hell out of you," I pointed out.

He looked back at me, his eyebrows pulling closer, "Yeah, my mom did tell me you used to hit me all the time."

I chuckled lowly, "Yeah, I was wild."

I resisted the urge to stare at his lips as they pulled up in a smile, "Yeah," His voice was lower, filled with nostalgia, "That was the Lilly I loved."

His honest words had my gaze drifting down, "Do you think...do you think we really can be friends?" I wanted to know where we stand. Sometimes it's so comfortable and smooth. Other times, It's awkward and nerve-wracking.

I looked back at his face and he shook his head, "I really don't know."

"Because I am gonna come back soon, and we are gonna see each other a lot, whether we like it or not," I explained, "I just...I don't want it to be awkward, and I don't want to hurt you in any way."

He nodded, "I know, and I don't want that too, so maybe...maybe we can try," He said, "We were friends before anything happened between us, and we are adults nows, I think we are responsible enough to stick to it this time."

Responsible enough to not repeat the past...I hope.

I nodded, "Yeah, we can try," I extended my hand forward, "Friends?" I asked and he stared at my hand for a long second before he nodded his head and wrapped my hand in his big one, "With benefits?" I added, arching a playful eyebrow and a smile broke down his features right away, proving to me that maybe, maybe we could be the old us again.

I licked my lips, a bit content at the thought, and pulled my hand away. I breathed out a small breath of relief, "Come on, let's sleep," I said, getting up to my feet. I turned off the lights and went to the other side of the bed, sticking to the end and away from him.

He laid over his back, he threw his arm over his forehead and his opened eyes focused on the ceiling. While I turned to my side, I placed my hand under my cheek, looking at him, unable to close my eyes and just sleep.

"How is your asthma these days? Are you having attacks frequently?" I asked, sensing he's much better than those dreadful days.

My question had him turning his body around, facing me, "No, actually I haven't had a one in a really long time, I've been much better lately," He explained and I smiled, "I am also extra careful, each year we have the medical exam, so I've been monitoring my health."

"That's really good to hear," I mumbled, relieved by his words.

A moment of silence wrapped us in, and I couldn't help but recall back all those days that I've slept by his side, even before dating, it was pure bliss. As if reading my thoughts, he extended his arm forward, an invitation, a one I gladly took. I inched closer, my head rested over his arm and he wrapped it around my back, pulling me in.

The feeling had me closing my eyes, trying not to tear up because it still felt the same, still warm, still safe, still familiar and it still made my heart thud loudly, I was scared he might feel it, "I am glad you're here," I mumbled against his chest, "I was scared of this first night back here, so...thank you."

He didn't say anything back, he didn't need to, he only tightened his arm around me, his hand lost in the mass of my hair, "Goodnight, Lilly," He whispered.

I kept my eyes closed, allowing the sleep to take me in, "Goodnight, Chase."

************

I woke up to the sound of some clicking noises coming from outside the room, I groaned and allowed my eyes to glide open. I was immediately met with a very familiar scene I was really accustomed to many years ago; Me wrapped up between Chase's arm. Ah, heaven. It's like we didn't move at all, still in the same position, too comfortable to change it.

I allowed my sleepy eyes to drift up, they met with Chase's hazy gaze, he blinked them open, the noises from outside waking him up as well. Before I could say a thing, a loud thud came, more like glass falling to the ground, "What's happening?" I mumbled in annoyance, rubbing a fist over my eyes.

I yawned and Chase released me, allowing me to back away and I got to my feet, ready to check what's in god's name is going on. I pushed my feet into the slippers and another yawn escaped my mouth, I covered it with my hand as Chase and I left the room.

My steps halted by the kitchen's door, my eyes widened at the scene ahead of me, "Oh my god," Left my mouth in a gasp, totally not expecting to see Sally sitting on the counter, Conner's hands on each side of her thighs, his mouth on hers, kissing, or more like making out.

My voice had them stopping abruptly. Sally jumped off the counter right away, flustered as she looked back at us. Redness crept all over her face, "Uh, we were...we were just making breakfast."

"In each other's mouths?" Chase asked, raising an amused eyebrow.

Sally chuckled nervously, she pushed at Conner's arm and hissed, "Go away, go," Conner rubbed at his arm where she pushed and stared back at her confused.

When he left her side, he passed by mine, threw me a wink, to which I returned with a glare.

Chase walked away as well and I rushed forward toward Sally, "You had sex, didn't you!" I scolded her, "I can totally smell it on you."

She gave me a very fake innocent look as she gulped down and nodded, "Yeah...just just once," My eyebrow raised, calling her off, "I mean it was just two times, to be hone...to be lying," She sighed, "Just four times, not more."

I facepalmed, "Jesus, did you ever sleep?"

She shrugged, "It's not my fault," She defended herself, "When we are kept alone in the same room, we are like animals!"

I grimaced and pointed at the door, "Go wash up, go!" I hissed and she pouted. I pushed at her arm, and when she left the kitchen I gathered the bowl they probably accidentally threw away while making out. I grimaced again, I am so gonna sterilize this counter now.

I walked to the common bathroom, washed my face, and brushed my teeth, before I went back to the kitchen. I pulled my hair into a messy bun and cleaned around before I decided to prepare breakfast for us all to eat.

As I flipped the pancake over the pan, I heard footsteps nearing me. I looked up to meet Chase's confused gaze, "It smells good, which is weird," He paused to a stop right by my side, "Considering you are the one cooking."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "I got better at the kitchen stuff," I explained as I placed the done pancake on the top of the others, "Living alone has its advantages," I added, "I make killer pancakes now, wanna try?"

He seemed very hesitant, "I mean I do have a flight later so, it's better if I don't get poisoned or something," I pushed at his arm, shutting him up and he chuckled lowly, "Okay, let's see."

I lowered the heat over the batter before I took one of them into a separate plate, there was no knife in sight, so I just removed a smaller piece with my hand before I turned to him and ever so smoothly pushed it into his mouth. I really haven't thought this one through, the touch of his lips against my fingertips had me pulling back so fast, fire lit up in my chest and my knees went weak right away.

Chase chewed on the little piece, totally not bothered and he nodded his head, pretty amused, "It does taste really good."

I smiled at the compliment and nodded my head proudly. He edged forward a fraction and my eyes widened when he lifted his hand to my face and gently wiped at my jaw, the area right beside my mouth, he smiled, "You've got flour there," He said and I gulped down at his closeness.

His thumb brushed the corner of my mouth, and my chest heaved up and down. Breathe in, Lilly. Breathe. Chase's movements paused, sensing my out-of-sorts state, his eyes on mine, trying to read behind the breathless look in them. Does he feel an ounce of what I am feeling? Is he as scared that we really can't be just friends? Is he as terrified that we might just fall in love again; because I can't, my heart is not ready and he can't either, he has a girlfriend for god's sake...

The thought had me wincing and right at the same moment, "Aww, look, they're recreating what we were doing," Conner said, his words shook me in, and I pulled away, almost flinching, the whole situation not settling well in my chest. My reflex almost had me pressing my arm against the hot pan right behind me. Chase's fingers wrapped over my arm tightly and pulled me away immediately, saving me from stupidly burning my arm, his jaw tightened, "Be careful."

Careful, yeah. I need that. Careful Lilly, be very careful.

*************

After eating breakfast, without mentioning all the awkwardness that happened before, and considering Conner was still not called for work yet, we all got ready and went to Motorcross to spend a couple of hours before Chase has to leave, and let me tell you, Chase on a motor, yeah, it's not helping my case very much.

"You're sure?" He asked as he pulled off his shades, his eyes at the bumpy track road ahead of us. I nodded, very confident in myself as I climbed up the bike, "Yup," I said, "Or are you scared, Mr. Ryder?"

He turned to me, his eyebrow raising at my mockery, "Whatever you say, Ms. Dolan," He said, just as teasingly before he placed his shades back on and got up on the motor we rented from the club. I took my time eyeing and admiring the show, the way his biceps flexed under the black leather jacket as he twirled the throttle. Oh man, I can feel my hormone level spiking up. Maybe this wasn't such a bright idea.

I placed my helmet on and got into position, "Who gets there first is the winner," I declared, ticking the throttle and preparing myself for taking off, "See you on the other side," I said, the adrenaline rushed with full force into my veins the second we started.

The wind whipped around us, the weather today the total opposite of last night and I couldn't be more grateful. I increased my grip and raced through the bumpy road, it wasn't an easy track, but two years of practice definitely didn't go to waste. I kept my focus ahead of me, to stay concentrated, but I still felt Chase racing off from my side.

I groaned in annoyance and kept my pace fast, trying to catch up with him. We were both so close to each other, but with him in the lead, and the faster I went, the faster he took forward, gaining distance on me.

Minutes later and we reached our destination, him just a couple of seconds before me. I stopped by his side and removed my helmet, glaring at him, "This is not fair!"

He went down the bike and took off his shades, his teasing gaze on me, "Actually, you were pretty great out there," He commented and I pouted, still annoyed that I couldn't beat him.

He straightened his body and inched closer, "Lose the frown," He smiled, a very genuine relaxed one, "I am sure a couple more times and you will beat me," He assured and I nodded, determined, "I will!"

"But, I noticed you were doing a few things wrong," He added, and ushered me to get on the bike again in order to show me. He was behind me and my eyes widened when I felt his hands on my thighs, "You should squeeze your thighs better," Oh my freaking god, "And when we went up the hill, you weren't exactly balanced, your torso wasn't aligned with your hips," His other hand went to my waist, straightening my back, "You were lucky now but if not careful, you would've lost control over the motor, and well, you would've fallen down."

His chest was pressed right up against my back as he showed me the right position to be in. I gulped down, the fire rushed up in my veins, heating every part of my body, totally aware of his hands over me, and the words he was saying made no sense or whatsoever.

"You're reckless, Lilly," I felt his breath caress the back of my neck with his words, "You can be careful and still have fun," Oh, his words held way too many possible meanings.

I knew I shouldn't do this, I shouldn't turn around, because he is still dangerously close to me, but being me, without any restraints, I turned my head, my gaze first falling into his lips, and my mind betrayed me as it recalled every time I tasted them, every time I felt them melt within mine, every time they bit, nibbled and claimed; that very first kiss and the last one.

Breathlessly, my gaze flickered up to his eyes and I shook my head, "When I am alone, I don't know how to be careful," I mumbled, addressing all of my previous mistakes, "You were always the only one to guard me down."

He shook his head, "I don't want to guard you down," His hand left my thigh and traveled to rest over my hand, "I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

But if we keep this up, I will, worse than ever. I wanted to say it out loud but kept silent.

He seemed to sense how our current position isn't appropriate at all and he backed away, breaking contact. We both ignored that little brief moment and went back to where we left Sally and Conner. Right when we arrived, my ears recognized familiar voices and my eyes drifted, falling onto Joe and Stacy at a close distance from us.

As if sensing my stare, Stacy turned around, her eyes falling on me, she smiled and jogged forward, "Lilly, hey!" She said, enthusiastically as she pulled me into a hug.

Joe walked closer, his eyes carefully drifting between Conner, Chase and Sally before they fell on me, "How is your brother?" He asked, as if he cared.

My jaw tightened, "Better," I still don't trust him. He knew Christian's motives from the beginning and he still said nothing.

I rubbed at my arm, "Can we talk?" I asked, meaning privately. He nodded and I turned to them, "I will be back," I mumbled and Chase gave me a questioning look to which I just gave him a small nod, silently telling him it's okay.

We walked, just a bit far from everyone and when we paused, I asked, "Do you know where Christian is?" I doubted he'd say anything, but I still felt the need to ask.

He shook his head, "No, he isn't picking up my calls," He said, he seemed to be honest, "And even if I know, it's not like I am gonna tell you."

I scoffed at his words and he added, explaining his motives, "I told you this before Lilly, I am not gonna throw my friend under the bus, your father would kill him if he finds him," He said and I nodded, "Yes, and he will deserve it," Though I didn't quite believe in those words yet, I just needed to show Joe that Christian will pay for what he did, but...death? That's not something I am gonna be able to make my peace with the way dad did.

"Deserves it?" Joe questioned, his eyebrow raised, "Why exactly?" He is really asking that, "So yeah, he lied to you, it was wrong, but it doesn't deserve a death sentence, does it? He just showed you the truth that was hidden, he showed you your family's mistakes, the ones that hurt him, he didn't commit those mistakes, Lilly."

I opened my mouth to talk and defend my family but he shook his head, silencing me, "Just like you want to avenge your brother right now, if whoever hurt him showed up at this moment, wouldn't you want to do your worse to him?"

I nodded, I wouldn't begin to imagine what I will do, that's why Christian needs to be caught, because even if it wasn't him, he must know who did it.

Joe nodded, "See, what you feel now is exactly what Christian feels toward your father, same motive, but why is it that only Christian deserves to die?"

"If he isn't guilty of hurting my brother then why is he running away now?"

"Because he knows what your father would do to him just because he came near you," Joe explained, "You'll never understand it, Lilly, yes, you are innocent, that's why I couldn't accept Christian lying to you, but your father...he is not innocent."

I shook my head, refusing to hear another word against my dad, "My dad was hurt, everything he did was just to defend his family, to protect my mother, and to protect us!"

"That doesn't change that Christian will always see him as the man who killed his father."

"His father deserved to die," I said, trying to sound confident when I still didn't know the reason. But if dad was willing to kill his own brother for that cause, then Christian's father must've done something big as well.

"But he is still his father," He said, as if it's as simple as that, "Look at you, you know everything your father did yet you still defend him, Christian is just doing the exact same thing."

I hated that I still didn't know what his father did exactly, it would've helped me defend my cause. Instead, I kept silent, not knowing what to say.

He shook his head and took a step backward, "Just finish your things and leave Lilly, you being here isn't gonna do anyone any good."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"I am not threatening you, I am just warning you," He clarified, "Christian is scared now, and that fear could push him to do irrational things." With that, he walked away, leaving me to analyze his last words, and if possible, my fear only intensified.

I walked back to where we were sitting and tried not to overthink. I dodged Sally's questions about Joe and what we talked about just now. I could tell Chase wanted to ask as well, a bit of anger flared in his gaze as he looked at where Joe took off but he kept silent and to that I was grateful.

We spent the next hours in the park, till Edward called Chase and said he is here to pick him up. A weird feeling of dread clouded my chest at the fact that he is leaving. Having him around, as much as it affected my judgment, it made me feel good and safe.

Conner and Chase talked about when they'll see each other again and Sally bid him goodbye, then in the end, his gaze fell on me and I stepped forward. I let out a low sigh and nervously fidgeted with the hem of my jacket, "So, I guess I will see you in a week or so," I mumbled, so lamely.

He nodded, "Yeah, sure."

I couldn't stop myself from taking another step forward and I raised my feet to reach him, my arms wrapped around his neck, going for a quick little hug; a friendly one, you know.

His arms wrapped around my back, and I mumbled into his shoulder, "Be safe, okay."

He edged back a fraction, concern cut lines over his forehead, "Be careful, Lilly," He requested, his worried voice only for me to hear, "Please," He added and I nodded, smiling in assurance.

"There is a place similar to this back at home," He said, trying to lighten the tensed mood, "When you get back, I am gonna have to take you there."

I nodded excitedly, "Yes, I still have to beat you."

He mirrored my smile, "Yeah, you definitely will."

He pulled into a deep breath before he broke the contact, and mumbled a low, "Bye," before he walked out. I hated goodbyes so much because, after the last one, I didn't see him for years.

I turned to Conner and Sally, "I am gonna go change, then we can leave," I said and rushed toward the restroom to take off my motor clothes.

The moment I reached there, I felt a hand over my shoulder, but before I could be scared, the familiar voice said, "Lilly," I twirled around, "Noah!" I said, surprised and pleased by his presence. I immediately threw my arms over him, hugging him, "Oh my god, we haven't talked since I left!"

I pulled away, smiling, "What are you doing here?"

His expression was dead serious, "Your father sent me," He said, only doubling my confusion, "What do you mean my father sent you?" I asked with a smile, the thought too silly.

He looked around then back at me, "I was around since you got back, but you weren't alone, so I didn't want to interfere," He explained, still not answering my question, "But now you are alone, so go change and let me take you home."

My eyebrows pulled closer, "What are you talking about?" I questioned, "How...how do you know my father?"

He let out a low sigh and his guilty gaze drifted down and then...it clicked. Of course, dad would've not left me all alone here, I don't blame him, but...

My jaw tightened, "I thought you were my friend," I mumbled, weakly, feeling tricked yet again.

He nodded, "I am, but it's my job to protect you, so please-"

"Job?" I could feel my tears gathering once again, "Oh god, you too?" That same feeling of being betrayed came back again, "You also lied to me?" I asked in disbelief, because whenever I think I got it, whenever I think no more lies, I am proven wrong.

A tear strolled down my cheek and Noah's gaze softened, his hand came to my arm and I pushed it away, "Is there just one person in my life who didn't lie to me?" My voice came out all heartbroken and chocked before I stormed into the restroom, locking the door behind me, needing a minute to myself, trying to register the thought.

"Lilly, please come out," Noah said, knocking on the door, "I know I lied, but it was for your safety, it's no longer just my job, you're my friend, I care about you and I need to make sure you don't get hurt," He added sternly, "I already feel like shit for letting Christian hurt you," Anger and guilt swirled between his words, "I thought he was clean and innocent, I was wrong and it feels like my fault this all happened, so please, come out, scream at me as much as you want," So much guilt bled out between his words, "But I can't...I just can't let anything happen to you anymore."

I sniffled and I knew he was being honest, but this feeling of being lied to by almost everyone around you sucks big time. I really don't know how I can ever trust anyone anymore. The restroom had a back door Noah probably didn't know about. I opened it and stepped outside, needing just a second or two to gather my thoughts, to accept everything happening.

It's just realizing that Noah was lying, hiding something from me only brought how much it hurt the moment Christian showed me his real face.

I knew I was gonna have to walk back inside and let Noah take me home, because as much as I'd hate this, a part of me is still scared, and having someone by my side is helping, be it Noah or whoever. At least my dad trusted him, so I should.

I wiped at my face, pulled my hair away from my face, and turned around, ready to go back.

But, a hand reaching my mouth from the back stopped me and pulled me backward. My feet stumbled against the pavement and I lost my footing, falling into the hold of my attacker. My eyes widened and I tried to scream but it came out muffled as the harsh grip tightened over my mouth. I felt something cold press into my neck, and almost instantly the world in front of me started to blur and shake. I blinked, trying to stay awake, trying to say anything, to scream for Noah to save me, but I couldn't.

My body gave up too fast, and I couldn't keep myself conscious, my eyelids dropped close and this time I couldn't pry them open again.

Seconds only and everything went black.

***********

I groaned in pain, the ache pressing over my skull almost unbearable. I forced my eyes open, trying to make sense of what's happening but my eyelids fell back down, too tired. My brain too energyless to even think and remember.

I tried to move my hands but I couldn't, something over my wrists hurt, almost biting into my skin. The feeling and the memories rushing back had me snapping my eyes open almost instantly, my upper body shooting forward in pure shock and uncertainty.

My wide eyes fell onto my hands, tied up with a rope behind my back. The reality of this situation I am in downed on me and I gasped before I looked up, trying to understand my surroundings.

Fear tightened my chest and squeezed at my throat when my eyes collided with the specific man sitting right across from me.

The muscles of his jaw worked as his gaze drifted from the ground and fell on me. Blank grey eyes held mine for a long second before he got up to his feet, like he was just sitting there, waiting for me to wake up.

"Christian," I mumbled, not understanding, the terror snapping off my oxygen and proving that I had the total right to be scared from the second I got here.

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So, what do you think will happen next?

Any thoughts? xD

See ya next chapter, love ya all!