"Of all the people I used to be,
I miss the one that you loved, the most."

***********

Alex's POV

Max's shocked eyes stayed focused ahead, he didn't blink, he didn't move; a green storm raged in his gaze as he tried to think, to understand. He froze in the spot, and his chest heaved as he drank in the feedback of this new information.

His fingers over my arm twitched, they shook under the impact of everything happening. My chest tightened and I could imagine how he must be feeling, so lost and uncertain. I hated this and everything about it. How wasn't I able to keep this part of our life tucked away from him?

Nikolas left, he stayed far away, just so this won't happen. Just so no one would ever connect the dots and figure out which blood was surging through Max's veins. True, it wasn't my blood, but he was still mine. Mine to take care of, mine to protect, mine to help...help him get through this without it leaving a scar.

I placed my other hand over his, it felt so cold now, shaking, and I squeezed, bringing him back to me as I called his name, "Max," I mumbled and his throat bobbed. His troubled eyes drifted from Nikolas, who was still sleeping under the effect of the drug, and they fell to the ground.

He was breathing fast, fighting an inner battle and redness rushed all over the side of his neck; his skin pale and involuntary reflecting every feeling he's having.

"I want to go back to my room," He mumbled, his tone neutral, and he didn't look at my side as he turned his body around, his hand still over my arm, trying to balance himself through the pain the surgery left behind and the shock this new just caused.

"Okay, let's go back," I said, and followed him. My eyes went to Nikolas one last time before I closed the door and helped Max get back to his room. He kept silent. No words made it out of his mouth. His gaze still so uncertain, like a little kid lost in a big maze, trying to decide which way to take; should he just take the exit or stay despite the danger and discover what's inside this web of secrets and lies.

His jaw tightened in pain as I helped him climb up the bed, he rested his back against the pillow and threw his head back, his eyes closed as he kept thinking, unable to make up his mind as to which direction he should head to next.

"I just didn't want to lie to you any longer," I said, explaining why I had to make him see Nikolas.

His eyelids glided open and he looked back at me, and in his eyes, I saw how over the past weeks, he aged more than he should've, from the moment he learned about the truth up till now.

"It's his...the kidn...I mean he is the, he is the kidney donor, isn't he?" He tried to say, his thoughts so jumbled and unable to make up one normal sentence.

I nodded, "When you first got in here, I called him," I explained, "And when the doctor suggested the kidney transplant, he and Cara were the ones with the highest possibility for a match," I hated to say the sentence out loud, because it felt like a biological barrier between me and him.

He nodded, in understandment, "Why?" He asked and rubbed a hand over his throat, "Why did you call him?"

I felt out of words, I didn't know how to explain that Nikolas knew almost everything about him. He raked his fingers through his hair, "I mean, when you first told us about him, I sensed how much you cared for him, so are you two still...close?"

I nodded, "Yeah, in a way, we are."

He gulped down and lines etched between his eyebrows, "How?"

I sighed, "It's a long story," A very very long one, and it felt so hard to place it into words.

"But...you shot him, I mean Lilly said so?"

I nodded, "I did, and for months I thought I killed him," I scoffed, "But there is always more than meets the eye when it comes to us."

His eyebrows tightened in confusion and curiousness, like he wanted to know everything there is about us, "Look, Max, I know what you want to ask; did I hate him?" I said and nodded, "Yeah, more than you can imagine, I hated the man who hurt my wife, who took almost everything from me, but one thing you need to know is that, he is no longer that man," I explained and Max listened intently, but that lost look in his eyes didn't waver, "It's not an excuse, I know, but he wasn't in a good state mentally, he was unstable, he was in pain, he was...sick."

"He had to be after everything he went through, and if I didn't help him back then, who would've?"

A wide range of emotion flashed into his eyes, "But he hurt you," He said, trying to understand how was I able to look past everything.

"But when I looked at him, I didn't see the monster who did what he...did," I said.

"Then, what did you see?"

"I saw my brother," I explained, "I saw a little broken boy, who I know, that at one point, I meant the world to him."

"Maybe he did what he did to hurt me, but deep down, he didn't want to, it was his own fucked up way to forcefully push himself into my life again, it was his own cry for help," I added, those old bitter memories still tightened my chest for some reason, "And I couldn't stand still and just watch him suffer like that."

Conflict reigned in his gaze, questions, doubts, and blatant hurt. I sat down by the bed's edge, "Max, I am telling you this, because he is alive now, he is here, and you're a grown-up," Although I still see him as a little kid, "It's your decision, whether you want him to be a part of your life or not-"

He shook his head immediately, interrupting my words, and the muscle of his jaw tightened, "He is not my father, I don't want that!" He grated out and I nodded, trying to calm him down, "I know, I know, he is not, that's not what I am saying, he is not here to take my place, Max."

"I don't want him," He mumbled and green eyes that I love so much blazed, the words tumbled over a whispered confession, "Because I don't want to lose you, dad."

The weakness and the insecurities his tone reflected had me placing my arm over his shoulder and I pulled him closer to me, "Are you crazy? That would never, never happen!" I stressed out because I understood his conflicted feelings; he thinks because of that bitter truth, and because Nikolas is here now, that I wouldn't want him anymore. I thought that once when I was a kid. I won't let him feel it.

"Max, this truth, this doesn't change a single thing-"

"I feel like it's changing everything."

I shook my head and defended, "No, it doesn't change who you are, it doesn't change the fact that you're my son, our son, and now his presence won't change any of that either," He still looked so uncertain, "You didn't do anything wrong," I shook my head, "You didn't, so I need that look in your eyes to go, that blame, you need to stop blaming yourself!"

He looked down at his lap because I was right, I read through him and his troubled thoughts, "Max, look, I get it, I understand how you're feeling now, believe me, no one would understand this but me, I get it, because I felt that once."

His head lifted up to me and his eyebrows pulled closer. My jaw tightened, "Well, here is something you didn't know about me," I sucked into a breath and carried on explaining, "I was younger than you, much younger, and the woman I should call a mother looked me in the eye and told me that...I came out of rape," His eyes widened and I shrugged, "See, you and I have much more in common than you can imagine."

"I blamed myself, because she blamed me, I hated myself because she hated me," My words left him speechless, breathless as he tried to make sense, "But it wasn't my fault, I didn't do anything wrong, it just took me quite a long time to understand that, because unlike you, I had no one, I didn't have a father or a mother who loved me more than anything just like we do.

Max, you have a great mother, she fought through hell for you and for your sister," I placed my hand over my chest, "You have me, you have Lilly," I hoped with everything in me that he'd understand, "So, no, this changes nothing."

"I desperately don't want it to change anything."

I nodded, "Exactly," I said, "As for Nikolas, whether you want him in your life or not, and as my brother, not anything more, if you want to know the man he is now, it's up to you only, and if you don't want to, then he will leave again," I explained what Nik and I discussed before, "Nikolas agreed to that as well and whatever your decision is, he'll do by it."

He looked a bit taken aback by my last word, like he expected the worst from him, "He doesn't want to hurt you, he cares about you, a lot," I added and Max stayed silent, trying to grasp everything I said, "You asked me if he's all bad," I recalled back and his eyes snapped to me, desperately waiting for the answer, "The man laying in that room right now, he doesn't have a bad bone in him."

"He did bad things, yes, and he was made bad by those around him, and there are things he did that I know it would never be easy on you or on anyone to forgive, this is why I need you to be the one to take this decision," I explained it the best way I can and I felt like he finally understood, "So just take your time and think, and no matter what you say in the end, you've got me, okay?"

He stared at me for a long second and then he nodded, "Okay."

************

Lilly's POV

It is awkward. Between dad and me, it's so very awkward.

He no longer looks at me with that anger and disappointment anymore, but he still didn't exchange one word with me since I passed out in his arms. Not even a word.

Does he not care? But I know that he does.

Then, why doesn't he want to talk with me at all?

Should I say something? But what if he screamed at me again, what if I ended up saying all the wrong things and had him look at me again like that?

It's better if I don't. The last thing I want is to hurt him more than I already did.

I walked past him as I entered Max's room, and our gazes met for a couple of seconds, similar eyes, but his were more mature, his were warmer, and his had been through hell and back, his eyes have witnessed the worst. While mine were young, mine were naive, mine were reckless still.

Again, no words were exchanged and he diverted his gaze somewhere else. Anywhere but on me and I took that as my cue to scurry toward Max's bed. A smile lifted my lips immediately as they fell onto his face, I can't describe the relief that rushes through me as I see him awake, and recovering. For a second there, I felt like we might lose him.

I sat by his side, "Hey," I said, my gaze fell onto the tray of food and I commented, "You still didn't eat anything."

He shook his head and threw it back against the bed, "I am not hungry."

I rested my hand over his, "You okay?" I asked, concern tightening my voice. All I want is for him to be okay again.

He turned to me, "I saw him," he said and my eyes grew a bit wide, "Last night, I saw him."

I swallowed hard, "Did you...talk?"

He shook his head, "He was sleeping, I just..." He rushed a frustrated hand over his face, "I just saw him."

This lost look in his eyes. I am the reason behind it. I wish I held back that day, just for a second or two, I wish I counted to ten before I spat the truth to his face. I wish he never knew.

"What do you want to do, Max?" I asked and he shook his head, a storm of unwanted emotions raged into his eyes, leaving them with the type of forest green you witness after the onset of a hurricane, and I can't help but think, I brought that hurricane into our lives, "I have no idea."

"Whatever it is, I am here, okay?" I assured him, needing to restore that full of life look he used to always have, not this lost boy who is uncertain about everything in his life.

He looked at me, and finally, a small smile lifted his lips, "Yes, I know."

I mirrored his smile and leaned into him, his arm went over my back, and at this moment, I felt like the little sister, despite him being younger than me, he is already taller...it's so not fair.

"You know, you're the only one who didn't hate me," I couldn't help but comment and I lifted my guilty gaze to his face, "Even though I hurt you."

He shook his head and lines cut across his forehead, "You didn't hurt me, Lilly; that truth did."

I shrugged, "Still, I am the one who opened the door to the past, to that truth," I am the one who helped Christian get close to us, helped him break us.

He shook his head again, "It's not your fault," He gave me a knowing look, "I know we always argue and banter, but I know that when I will have no one, I will still have you."

I smiled at his heartfelt words, "And even though you annoyed me all throughout my childhood," My eyebrow raised, "And kept hitting on my friends all through my teenagehood, I still love you so much."

He shrugged, ever so casually, and one side of his lips pulled up in a smirk, "Well, that's what brothers are for," Almost as immediately as that sentence left his mouth, his smile dropped down and his gaze seemed to get lost again.

"What?"

He blinked and shook his head, "Nothing, it's just...it's just something dad said last night."

My eyebrows pulled closer and before I could ask further, his room's door opened, my eyes drifted and fell on Chase, as he talked with my dad about something before he looked at Max, and inched closer to us.

I haven't seen him since I passed out that day and I wonder...does he know? God, I hope not.

A big smile came to his lips, a smile so refreshing as he reached Max, "Hey buddy," He said and he and Max had that guy's handshake, "How are you feeling?"

"Better, better," Max said and straightened himself, a different type of excitement rushed into his being, "Once I get out of here, I'll go back to playing, don't you dare replace me on the team!"

A low chuckle vibrated from Chase and he nodded, "Don't worry, no one is replacing you," Chase assured, "First get better, then we can talk about that," He added and I watched them as they discussed some soccer game with such a fever, I kept silent, amazed at how effortlessly Chase and Max click.

I gulped down as I stared at him, longer than I should. I wondered only, how does he do it? How does he have it all so together? How is he so mature, so smart, so sorted and kind? How can he be so perfect like this when I am a total mess?

I always make all the wrong decisions. I bet Chase never did that, well, expect me, loving me, and trusting me maybe were his only wrong decisions. Other than that, look at him, he has it all.

The bitter feeling pressing up my chest felt so stupid. Was I jealous of him and how responsible and mature he is...or was I so jealous that this perfect guy was once mine and no longer is...that he will never be again.

We don't stand a chance. He spat the truth so easily to my face, and I can't blame him. Who would ever go back to the person who hurt him, to who caused him pain? No one. He is so right.

The nurse came and changed Max's IV bag. I punched him on the arm when he tried to flirt with her and when she left, whatever medicine she placed for him was making him energy-less and on the verge of falling asleep.

Chase looked at me, for the first time since he got into the room, and he nodded his head toward outside, silently telling me we should leave him to rest. I nodded and looked back at Max, "I will come back later, okay," I said, feeling the need to assure him and he nodded his head sleepily as I pulled the blanket over his body before Chase and I left the room.

Dad was nowhere in sight now, probably with...that man. I shook my head, refusing to think about him for now and my eyes fell back on Chase, "Let's go sit in the cafeteria," He urged, and I don't know why I felt like he wanted to talk. Talk about what?

Silently, I nodded my head, uncertain of how to act after the last time he saw me, all weak and vulnerable as I asked him questions I had no right to ask.

I sat down by the small table and Chase went to get us coffee. I nervously fidgeted with my sleeves as I waited for him, scared if he is going to bring up what happened, scared if he knows. I don't know why, but I didn't want him to know this specific detail about me.

A minute or two later and he came back. He handed me the cartoon cup and I mumbled a low thank you as he took a seat across from me. I placed the cup to my mouth and focused my attention on sipping the warm liquid rather than on the man sitting there, threatening my heart and my whole being from getting lost again.

I didn't want to look at him for too long, didn't want those eyes of his staring back at mine. I am terrified of what I could feel. Would I miss the past...don't I already do? My feelings are all over the place; my family, my brother and Christian...it's all I can think about. This is why Chase is a dangerous territory for me now. I can't think about him. I can't have him as my friend again, it won't work...I would fall again, and I can't, because I would be the only one falling.

I should stay as far as possible from him. I owe it to him...to keep him moving on from me. He has a girlfriend, and I hate her with every fiber in my being, but I am not her. I won't threaten what he has, especially if he is happy.

I want him to be happy.

"How are you?" He was the one breaking the silence, "I mean after...what happened?" His question had my heart seizing and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, "Are you okay?"

I only nodded my head and looked down at my coffee cup. He knows, he knows...

"You know, when we were young, we used to talk about everything," His words had me looking up, "Even before we dated, we'd just talk about the future and well...just everything," He scratched the back of his neck, "But having a kid was a topic we never talked about, I mean I don't know if you ever wanted it or not," Believe me, I never knew whether I wanted it or not either, "But no matter what, I believe that this...would've still hurt."

I swallowed hard and gave him a small shrug, "It doesn't matter." It can't matter.

He tapped his fingers over the table, just reflecting how this conversation made him just as anxious, "I ran out of the hospital that day, because I couldn't separate between the two parts of me," He lifted his gaze to me, those perfect blue eyes I dreamt about for way too long, till I replaced them with another set of eyes, "Between the friend who said he'll be there for you and between the fact that you are...well, you were the girl I loved," He explained, and I immediately shook my head, "You had the total right not to be there, I understand, I wouldn't," I gulped down, "I wouldn't handle that either."

The thought had my inside shaking. Chase and Aylin having a kid...oh my god, just kill me. If that will ever happen, seriously just kill me, it would be easier than having to witness that.

"But, one thing to add," I said, my voice tightened, "It was an accident, it wasn't something I planned to happen."

He shook his head, "I didn't ask."

"But that blame in your eyes is saying otherwise."

He turned his head away for a second and the muscles of his jaw tightened, just proving me right, "I can't help it," He mumbled, the hand he had over the table twitched, he curled his fingers into the inside of his palm, he fisted and unfisted it. One time. Two times and three, seeking control.

"Why?" I asked, my words slowly ridding him of the control he is trying to keep, "You said you moved on, it shouldn't disturb you, right? Isn't that what you said?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I moved on, I know that because it's not painful anymore, but that doesn't mean your presence is not bringing back every fucked-up thing I don't want to feel."

I shook my head, his anger reflecting on me, "No one told you to be here."

He scoffed, "Believe me, I don't want to."

Anger tightened my chest even more and I stood up, my chair screeching as I pushed it back, ready to walk away, so not in the mood to deal with this. He stood in my way, refusing to give me an escape. My jaw tightened as I looked up at his furious eyes, "What do you want?"

"I want answers," He demanded, "You and I never had a closure and that's why I can't get rid of this," This meant me, as if I am some unwanted tumor he needed it to be taken out, before it spreads more.

"What closure do you want?"

"Make me understand," He grated out, and lines cut between his eyebrows, "How?" That was his question, "How were you able to do it, make me understand that!"

"How was I able to break my promise?" I questioned, my tone just as furious as his and he nodded, "Well, maybe I didn't love you enough," My eyebrow raised, "Or maybe I didn't have anyone, I didn't have anything to help me keep that promise!"

"What does that supposed to mean?"

"It means you didn't do anything, you didn't fight, you didn't prove me wrong," Emotions I've suppressed down for too long resurfaced, emotions so heavy and bitter, "I wanted you to prove me wrong, I wanted you to show me that every fear and insecurity I had was not coming true, but you didn't, I waited for you to prove me wrong, I waited for you to fight, but you gave up, Chase, so don't just blame me, you gave up before I did!"

For the first time ever, I allowed myself to think back, to feel everything I once felt all those years ago, "You see this version of Lilly, this girl that you look at now like you don't know her, this Lilly didn't happen because of Christian, this Lilly happened because of you," My finger poked his chest, pointing at him, "Because you left and you took a big part of her with you and you never gave it back!"

He went and left this gaping hole in my chest, a one I filled with Christian's lies.

"I am not blaming you, I fucked up big time, I know," But it was a door locked and he opened it. He triggered it, "I am giving you your answer, I am explaining how I was able to do it."

"I had nothing to lose, so when he came into my life, I said why not," I clarified and he kept silent, taking my answer in, he didn't expect it, that I know, "Because I already had lost you by that stage and Christian was a way to retaliate, to act up, a way to try and bring me back."

He shook his head, his eyes blazed as he recalled some memory, "No, Lilly, I saw the way you looked at him," He grated out, his voice lowered and hurt wrapped up each word, "You used to look at me like that."

I shook my head, "You don't understand, you will never understand what I was feeling," Christian made me feel beautiful, made me feel loved, all lies I know, but back then, he helped me get rid of every insecurity I had...insecurities Chase's absence and silence caused.

"Understand what?" His throat bobbed, his eyes bare for me to see; No, he didn't move on, these are not the eyes of someone who had moved on, "Understand what, Lilly, you were pregnant with his child for god's sake!"

His words brought the tears back, tears I said I wasn't gonna shed anymore, my throat constricted and my curled hand over his chest pushed harder, "It was a lie, everything was a lie," I grated out, the pain bleeding free, "You don't understand, you don't!"

Tears blurred my vision and I pushed past him, needing the distance, needing to be away from another reminder of my mistakes, needing to breathe without it hurting. I walked down the long corridor, with no destination to go, tears flowing down, and blurring my vision.

Fingers reached for my hand from the back, they wrapped over my wrist, stopping me, and whirled me around, pulling me back to him. The next thing I felt was my cheek pressing up against his chest, his arms engulfing me into their warm embrace and sobs erupted from my throat as I buried myself deeper into him.

It wasn't till then that I realized I didn't need distance...this is what I needed the most.

His hand cradled the back of my head, and I felt his chin pressing over the top of my head as he mumbled over a pained whisper, "Why are we like this?"

My fingers fisted his shirt so tight and I shook my head, "I don't know," I said in between my tears, "I don't know," Why is it always painful with us?

I sniffled and edged backward a fraction, my fingers still holding into his shirt and his hands came to my face, it cupped my cheek, his thumb brushing my tears away and war raged in his eyes, his jaw ticked as he asked, "What did he do?"

"He used me," I mumbled brokenly, "I let him use me," I shook my head, "How can I be so stupid?" Frustration at myself tumbled within my words, "I really trusted him, I believed him, now when I think about it, every word he said had a double meaning, everything, everything, I am so stupid, stupid," I shook my head furiously, "I let him into our house, I told him everything about my parents, I gave him a way to break dad, I am so stupid, oh god," I was breaking down, because like mom said I had to face it, and now that Max is okay, I can think of what happened, I can think back to two years ago, to how he came into my life.

It was planned.

I wasn't just some random girl at the bar, the same random girl at his class the next day. All of them were on it, I saw them as my friends, but Joe said it, they helped him. Louis was playing cupid, pushing me and Christian together at every chance he got. It was all a plan.

He knew why I left the US, to live freely for once, to have the thrill back, and he purposely gave it to me, pulling me closer to him. He gave me the adventure I was searching for.

He did all the right things, and said all the perfect words.

He said he loved me when he showed me himself at his weakest. He wanted me to see those scars, to sympathize with him, to see him as the victim, so later when he shows me my father's doing, I'd take his side, I'd turn against my own dad.

"Oh my god," He was slowly manipulating me, step by step, "I am so stupid."

Chase's hands over my face shook me back, "No, Lilly, no, you are not," His gaze raged between understanding and something else entirely, "I am, I am, I hate this, I hate him, I hate him so much," I said, choking over the truth I am finally allowing myself to see, "I hate being like this, I am so weak, I am not equipped for pain, I am not equipped for heartbreak, I don't know how I will do this."

"You won't do it alone," He said, his instinct to always help me kicking in, "I am here, Lilly, you will get through this, I will help you get through this."

I shook my head, "No, no, I can't do this to you," I mumbled, "My presence hurts you and I don't wanna hurt you anymore, no, this is something I have to do on my own, I have to learn," Like mom said, I will learn to be strong with time. I don't know how, but I will.

I placed my hands over his and gently removed them from my face, "You're the best person I know," My hand tightened over his before I slowly let go, "So, this is why I have to be the one taking a step backward, we can't be friends Chase, we can't," I took a physical step away, "Please go back and live your life like I didn't come back, go back to your girlfriend, she is the one who needs you, not me," My heart broke into pieces as I said that out loud, "She can make you happy, I will only hurt you."

Shock at my words reigned into his gaze, maybe because for once, I am putting someone ahead of me. I can't selfishly keep him close. I will learn to be okay, I will, I just need to stop repeating the same mistakes, over and over again.

*************

Chase's POV

She was right. I knew she is.

We can't be friends. Lilly and I can never be just friends.

We can't be more than friends either. We learned that lesson the hard way.

It's fucked up in so many ways I can't grasp.

But her words shook me back into reality. Go back to your girlfriend. I need to fix that. I need to stop lying to myself and to her. I am just postponing the inevitable every day. I know it in my heart that Aylin and I won't go further than what we are now. I tried to, I tried to...love her, but I couldn't and the reason isn't Lilly, it's me.

I stepped into the house, my gaze searching around for her. I walked further inside and sucked into a deep breath, preparing myself for what's about to happen. It hurts me that I am hurting her. Because love or not, I care about the girl, we shared a lot over the past year.

If it was up to me, I'd want to love her, I wish I can. This is the only part of my life I can't control.

"Hey," I said when my eyes found her in my room, or is it our room?

When we first started hanging out, her roommate had left her all alone without paying rent for more than a year, the debt accumulated on Aylin alone and when she couldn't pay her part or even find her ex-roommate to pay hers, she was evacuated. She had no one, I had to step in. I told her she can stay here till she can get back to her feet again, but things kind of escalated between us after, and then it felt pointless for her to move out.

She was fixing her hair into a bun when I walked in, she turned around, her hand still over her hair, "Hey," She smiled, my presence always makes her smile, and it hurts, "You're back early!"

She walked closer to me, her blonde hair a messy bun over her head, and I can't deny that Aylin is beautiful, she really is and fuck, she deserved someone who'd be head over heels for her, because when she loved, she gave. She is ready to give everything for me and I would be tricking her if I kept this going on any further.

I wrapped my hand over hers, "Come here," I ushered her toward the bed's edge, she followed and sat down beside me, "Aylin, we need...we need to talk."

Her throat bobbed, "Well, that's never good."

I shook my head, "I really don't want to hurt you, but if I keep this going on any longer, I will end up doing more damage," I started and I saw her hand fisting over the mattress, already understanding which direction this is headed, "When we started this, we said we'll see where it will take us," She nodded, "And Aylin, I don't...I don't see it taking us further than this."

She looked down, "You're breaking up with me," She mumbled, a statement not a question.

"I wanted this to work, believe me, I desperately wanted it to work but all these conflicting thoughts I am having, they are...they are so unfair to you, and I not okay with this, with the feeling that I am tricking you, leading you on-"

"You want to go back to Lilly?" She shot for her question, interrupting me.

My eyebrows pulled closer, "No," I shook my head, "What happened between Lilly and me isn't something that can be fixed just like this," I explained, "I am not ending this so I can start something with her, believe me, this the last thing on my mind now," I meant it. Because I am not in love with Lilly anymore, that part I am sure of.

I am in love with a memory.

"I just need to be alone, to be able to sort through the mess of thoughts and feelings I am having."

Her eyebrows tightened in sadness, "Then if you are not going back to her, why do we have to end this?"

"Because you know how I am not as invested in this relationship as you," I stressed out the obvious truth, "If we keep this going, I will feel like I am using you, and I am not okay with that."

She shook her head, "No, we can...we can keep working on this, I will help you, Lilly is a disease you can't get rid of, so let me help you, let me help you get rid of these conflicted feelings, don't throw behind everything for her!"

"Aylin, it's not her, it's me-"

"No, it's her!" She snapped, tears gathering in her eyes, "She came and ruined everything, when she was away, we were okay, you were okay, she should leave again," Anger mixed within her words, "God, Chase, you will never be happy with her, can't you see it!"

"I am telling you, it's not her!" My voice raised a bit, frustrated at the insinuation, I am not ending this to go back to Lilly, "It's me, it's how I feel, how I feel toward you, I care about you but it's never gonna be more!"

"I am okay with that," She mumbled weakly and I shook my head, "I am not," I stared back at her in disbelief, "It feels like I am using you, I am not at all okay with that!"

"I am," She said and I shook my head, "No, Aylin, you're not, you can't be okay with that-"

"You don't get it, it's pathetic I know, but...but," Tears flew down uncontrollably, "But I love you, I love you so much," She buried her face into her hands and I felt my inside crack more under her words and tears.

I inched closer to her, my hand went to hers, I removed them away from her face, forcing her to look at me, my thumb wiped her tears away but they kept falling, "I am sorry," I mumbled, "I am so sorry, I should've never started this," Worry cut through my tone, "I never wanted to hurt you like this."

She shook her head, "No, you don't get it, I've loved you since I was just a kid," She mumbled, confessing, "I still remember the first time I saw you, I was at her house and you were there, I remember like it was just yesterday," Her words came out chocked with her pain, pain I am causing, pain she didn't deserve, "I've been in love with you for more than I can remember but you never noticed me because you only had eyes for her, it'll always be just her!"

I kept silent, taken aback by her words, "I hate her, I really hate her!" She broke down sobbing, she leaned toward me and I took her into my arms, trying to comfort the ache I am responsible for.

My jaw tightened, hating myself and everything at the moment.

"What am I supposed to do?" I mumbled, clueless because I didn't want to hurt her more, but I can't keep this when I am having all these troubling thoughts.

She sniffled and backed away to face me, "Just don't end this immediately," She requested over a plea, "You said you're confused, then take time and think about everything, sort it all, I will...I will go stay with my friend Tina, I will give you space, I will give you time, just please promise me once you've figured it all out, you'll come and you'll talk to me again, maybe, maybe you won't end it, maybe we still have hope," She added, "Please Chase, don't give up on us so fast."

You gave up before I did.

I nodded my head, I owe it to her, "Okay, okay," I let out a low sigh of defeat, "I promise."

*************

Alex's POV

I placed my hand over his shoulder and pushed him back down, "Sit," I ordered and he groaned in annoyance, he slapped my hand away, "Stop treating me like I am a kid!" He snapped and I rolled my eyes, such a grumpy kid he is.

He stood back again, "I am not staying here any longer," He stressed out as he buttoned up his shirt, "You need to stay with Max till he gets better, I need to go to the UK and find Christian, Roman is up to no good these days."

I sighed in annoyance, "Just fucking sit on your bed, you still didn't heal yet," I urged and he just ignored me, "Look, I promised to take care of you, so don't make me punch you, you have one kidney now, it's easier to kill you."

He looked at me and shot me a glare as he fixed the collar of his shirt, really determined to leave one day after his surgery, such a pain in the ass he is, "Don't make me get that sleeping drug again," I threatened and his jaw ticked, he took a threatening step toward me, "Do that again, and I will make sure you end up with one kidney as well!"

My eyes widened, "Hey!" I snapped, annoyed at his behavior, "Leave the mob mentality at home," I said, "I am your brother, you son of a bitch," He hated when I called him that so I am using it till he caves, "I am just worried."

"I am perfectly fine as you can see," He stressed out, fixing his watch, "I've had much worse than this, I will survive, now I need to go," He grabbed his phone, all ready to head out.

I sat down on the chair and ever so casually unlocked my phone, "Contacts," I mumbled, loud for him to hear as I went through the names, "Sissy-in-law, here she is," I pressed call and placed the phone to my ear, and my challenging gaze went to Nikolas.

His eyes widened, "Don't," he warned, and took a step forward, the anger mixed with something that looked so much like fear in his gaze, "Don't you dare-"

"Hello," She said, "Hey!" I answered, ever so cheerfully, "So guess what," I started and Nikolas shook his head, warning me yet again, "Nikolas wants to leave, and he is still not healed yet, and I know he is in pain but he is pretending otherwise."

He facepalmed and she sighed in annoyance, "Oh god, give the phone to him," I smiled in accomplishment and extended the phone forward, "She wants to talk with you."

He glared at me and angrily snatched the phone, "I am gonna kill you," he hissed out through clenched teeth before he placed the phone to his ear.

"You always say that," I said with a shrug, totally not threatened.

"Uhuh," He mumbled to whatever she was saying on the other side, "No, it's not like tha-" His words were cut short again because of what she said. His jaw tightened and his gaze went back to me and if looks could kill, I would be having my last breath right now. He scratched his neck before he walked a bit away, so he could talk with her in private.

I rested my hands behind my head and I smiled, totally satisfied.

When he came back, a minute later, he threw the phone at me before he sat down beside me, groaning in annoyance.

My eyebrow raised, "Weren't you leaving?" I asked and he narrowed his eyes, "Shut up!"

I chuckled before I straightened up and took the situation seriously, "Okay, now let's discuss what we're gonna do," I started, "Roman said he couldn't find him in his frequent places," I explained, "One thing doesn't add up, he is just a plain professor, from where does he get the resources to hide?"

Nikolas rubbed at his jaw, "Someone must be helping him," He said and I nodded, agreeing.

"That's why I need to go," He stressed out again, "You will, just wait a day or two to heal, Jesus, you're so exhausting to deal with sometimes."

He ignored me and looked at his phone's screen, "Emma is looking around here, trying to find anything about who actually attacked Max," He added, his eyes lifted up to me, "Did he say anything about who did it?"

I shook my head, "He said he didn't recognize any of them, which rules Christian out from the list because Max saw him last summer when Lilly brought him here," My jaw tightened at the thought, "But it could be easily him and he sent someone else to do it just to remove any suspicion."

He nodded, "Exactly, but I still don't understand how he got his hand on all these informa-" His words got interrupted by the low knock on the door. It opened and Cara's eyes fell on me, "I knew I'd find you here," She said, before she walked closer and sat by my side.

Nikolas kept silent, he didn't continue his words and I kept silent as well. Cara's confused gaze drifted between us both, "Why did you stop talking when I came in?"

I swallowed hard, "Well, you said not to talk about these things when you're around," I mumbled.

Her eyebrow raised, "Seriously Alex, now you decided to listen to me!" She sighed and I stared back at her innocently, what the hell did I do?

"Anyway, Max is okay now, so we can talk about it," She explained, her tone serious, "Any updates on Christian? Any plans on how we gonna find him?" Her jaw tightened and her words came out hard and threatening, "And any suggestion how exactly we're gonna punish him for hurting both of our kids?"

I looked at Nikolas and he looked back at me, both stunned, "Wow, she suddenly turned into a momma bear," Nikolas commented with a low voice under his breath, hoping Cara won't hear him.

She looked at him and her eyebrow raised, "Nikolas!"

His eyes widened, "What?" He asked innocently and shook his head, "I didn't say that," He turned to me, "Alex said it," He looked at me with fake blame and scolded, "Alex, why would you say that?"

The fuck-

I shot him a glare before I looked back at Cara, "Actually, I like it when you go all momma bear," I smiled and gave her a wink, "Makes you look hotter, cupcakes."

She let out a loud annoyed breath and pressed a hand over her forehead, "Unbelievable, now that I actually want to talk about it, none of you is saying a thing, seriously now-"

I silenced the next of her words when I looked at my phone and saw the unexpected message I just received. I stared at it longer than I should. I finally looked up from the screen to them, "It's Max," I mumbled, "Did he wake up? I am gonna go see-" Cara said, already standing up, but my hand shot to her arm and I pulled her down, "Wait," I looked at Nikolas and said, "He wants to see you."

Lines etched his forehead, taken aback by this as much as me, "What?"

I rubbed at the back of my neck before I got to my feet, both hating and liking the fact. I just hope this doesn't end in a disaster. I ushered Nikolas to follow, "Come on."

************

Max's POV

I stared back at the phone screen, my eyes reading dad's message, "We're coming." He wrote.

We.

I rubbed a hand over my throat, still uncertain of the decision I just took. I want to see him. Why? I don't know. What will I say? I have no idea. How will I react? I guess I have to wait and see.

The knock on my door had both Lilly and me looking there so fast. I straightened up in my seat and dad opened the door and...he was there as well. My gaze went to Lilly beside me, who tightened her hand over mine, silently telling me she would stay if I want her to.

I shook my head. I needed to deal with whatever this is on my own.

She nodded and gave my hand a gentle squeeze before she got to her feet. She headed for the door and paused her steps beside him. Her glare had a warning in them, silently telling him, don't say anything bad to Max, before she walked out.

Dad cleared his throat, "I will leave you two alone," He said, his eyes on me and I nodded, telling him it's okay. He can leave us alone, I guess.

When dad shut the door behind him, that man, that I don't know what to call, kept staring at the door that let him in here, probably debating if he should just leave. The muscles of his jaw worked before he turned his gaze and it fell on me. He hesitantly took a couple of steps forward, getting closer but not too close.

I stared back at him in silence, still so lost of what all of this is. For god's sake, who is he? What should I call him. Nikolas? Uncle? The man who hurt my mom? Father...fuck no, he isn't that. He can't be that. Just like dad said, this changes nothing. I can't let it change anything.

Green eyes stared back at mine, too many emotions pushed to the forefront of his gaze and he scratched at the side of his neck, that's when I saw what looked like a scar imprinted over his skin.

"Aren't you gonna say something?" His words grabbed my attention back to his face.

I swallowed hard, "I have one question," I mumbled, keeping anger out of this, I need to be calm to face this.

He nodded, ushering me to ask, "Why?" I mumbled, confusing him at first, "Why did you hurt my parents?" I asked and my fingers curled over the blanket, calm down, calm down, "Why did you hurt my mom?"

His lips parted but words betrayed him, he looked away for a second before he looked back at me, "I honestly have no answer to that anymore," He said, his words genuine, that look in his eyes seemed genuine, "I used to give myself excuses for the mistakes I made, but there is no excuse for that," He shook his head, "I did it because I was a monster," Air harshly pushed out of his chest, "I am...I am just not that person anymore."

"But that doesn't change what you did."

He nodded, the guilt swimming in his eyes felt genuine as well, "You're right, it doesn't."

I scoffed and looked away from him, "God, I don't know why I wanted to see you, what would I gain from this," I said, anger directed at myself, "I wanted to see how I will feel-"

"How, how do you feel?" He asked, his tone hesitant, uncertain if he wanted my answer.

I looked back at him, "I am looking at the man who hurt my mother, who..." I couldn't continue the sentence, my throat tightened and I got up to my feet, "You want to know what I feel, I feel furious, I feel anger, I feel guilt," My tone raised, "I feel hate, so much hate, I hate you."

My words slapped him in the face, "I know."

I shook my head, "No, you don't, you don't, I hate you because you made me hurt her, you made me hurt the one person I love more than anything, she is my mother and I hurt her!"

"No, you didn't!" He shot out, staring at me in disbelief, "When she was pregnant with you, I told her to abort you, because I thought she would do to you what my mother did to Alex, but she defended you, she was threatened by me and by many others who wanted you dead before you were even born, but your mother fought for you, fought to keep you alive, when you didn't even have a heartbeat yet, she fought hell to keep you, how do you see that as hurting her?"

"If she didn't want you, why you would've she done all of that?"

"Why?" I asked, because I didn't understand either.

"Because you're her son!"

I took a step forward, "The son that came from you!" I snapped, pointing at him.

"That doesn't matter!"

"It does," I said, emotions so overbearing rushed to my eyes, "I am not showing this to her now because I don't want to hurt her anymore but I can't even look at her, because of you!" I snapped, "Because when she looks at me, how can she not see you!"

I could see it now, the resemblance. I could clearly see it. She did. She saw it for more than eighteen years.

"Max, please, don't do this," He begged, and took a step forward, "Hate me all you want, blame me, anything, hate me, but please don't hate yourself, don't blame yourself, you're a kid, you didn't do anything wrong, you're innocent, I am the one who did, I am the one who hurt your mother, not you."

"What if I became like you?" I asked over a pained whisper.

His eyebrows pulled closer, "What?"

"I read it once," I mumbled, "This behavior could be genetic, what if I became like you?"

He shook his head, in disbelief of the thoughts I am having, "Look at Alex, did he become like his father?" He questioned.

I shook my head.

"See, you're everything that I am not, and I couldn't be happier about this fact."

I gulped down and took a step backward, I shook my head, "I don't want you in my life."

He nodded, "I know, I told Alex you wouldn't, but he still thought otherwise."

"Dad sees the best in people," I said.

He nodded, "I know, he saw the good in me, as little as it was."

"I don't want you in my life," I stressed again, "But before that, I want to know everything," I said, my words confused him.

"Know what?"

I looked at him, "This, you, how you are what you are, how my parents were able to forgive you, I want to know it all," I stressed out, "Then after that, you can leave."

"But why?" He asked, confused, but hopeful, "Why do you want to know?"

"The man who stabbed me said it's payback to my father," I explained, "He said payback to both of them, which means he is not just after dad, he is after you too, and I want to understand why."

"I have hurt many people, I have enemies all over the world, many people would want a payback."

I scoffed, "I can only imagine," I mumbled, "Anyway, like I said, I want to know everything."

His eyes stared back at me in suspicion, like he could read my thoughts, "No, Max, you want to know one thing only," He took a step forward, I took one backward.

I swallowed hard, and he urged me, "Ask it."

I shook my head, "Not now."

"It's okay, say it."

I shook my head, "It won't be fair to dad if I said the words out loud."

"Then I will start," He said, easily reading my troubled thoughts, "You love your father a lot, I know, he gave you the perfect life and you wouldn't exchange it for anything," He said and I nodded, "But, your question is?"

I looked away for a second. Silence consumed us and I broke it.

"Why you couldn't be my father?" I whispered, the thought chewing me in and spitting me out, "Why didn't you take responsibility for your action?" My heart broke and I felt them in my eyes again, "Dad said it was your decision to leave, to make us believe you are dead, why...why did you leave...me?" Tears that reflected every doubt and insecurity gathered in my eyes, "You want to know why I hate you, because I think you hate me too."

I shook my head, "Dad said you are a changed man, that you tried to correct your mistakes," I said, "And I am just a living proof of your mistakes, aren't I?"

"I am the only mistake you couldn't correct."

***********************************

See, I updated fast, and it's a long chapter. I am awesome. You should love me so much xD

Lol. Just kidding xD

Anyways, whatcha ya think about this chapter?

What about Max? :(
He is just so very lost.
Damn you Christian!!!

I am gonna hit publish and go to sleep, so please excuse any mistakes. I am too sleepy to proof-read it *yawns*

Anything you're looking forward to see in the next chapter?

Love ya all!