"Nonononononono," Marcel mumbled, his heart was racing and blood was rushing way too fast through his veins, he felt sick to his stomach.

He didn't want to see Louis, he had been doing so good, so good for so long. He couldn't go back to ,how it used to be he just couldn't, and he wasn't about to.

He saw his flat coming up, and soon he was encased in its familiar warmth.

It was a horrible idea to come back but he just wanted to finish his studies...he never thought he'd see Louis especially so soon.

"Hey," a soft voice called out, and in stepped a sleepy looking James in warm looking pajamas.

A flash of guilt washed over Marcel, but it's not like he did anything wrong. He didn't do anything so why did he feel so guilty?

"Come to bed, don't you have to get up early?" James said and he yawned, walking over to grab onto Marcel's hand. Marcel yanked his hand away instinctively, he immediately felt bad.

"Yeah you're right I'll just change okay?" Marcel muttered and he sidestepped from James and walked to the bathroom shutting and locking the door behind him. James stared after him but he shook his head and went back to bed, putting it off as Marcel being cranky because he was tired.

Meanwhile in the bathroom Marcel was glaring at himself in the mirror. Suddenly he realised why he felt so guilty, and it wasn't towards James that he felt guilty but towards Louis, because he still loved Louis, and he in some odd fucked up way felt like he was going against everything he had been trying to forget but seeing Louis...even if it was for just those few moments it brought back everything. Marcel changed into clean sweatpants and a loose shirt, he closed the door behind him and he walked back to their room.

Carefully stepping into the doorway he silently watched James chest rise and fall as he slept. James who never hurt him, who always put his needs first these past years and never once caused him harm. James who promised he wouldn't hurt Marcel and he's kept it for so long.

The first time James said he loved Marcel, Marcel had almost cried because it had been too much...

~

"Marcel," James said softly, they had been lying on the couch most of the day just talking and getting to know each other more as well as watching really horrible scary movies and each having their share of laughter at the crappy gore scenes that had been shown.

"Yes?" Marcel asked looking up into James eyes through his curls that were scattered across his forehead, due to the fact that James had absentmindedly been running his hands through his hair for quite some time.

"I love you," James said and he didn't break eye contact with Marcel's emerald green eyes.

Those green eyes widened in shock, he was at loss for words. "I love you and the way you scrunch up your nose,"

"I love you and the sound you make when you laugh, I love you and the color your cheeks get when you blush, I love you so much," James continued saying.

"I-" he really was at loss for words because how could James say that?

"Say something," James said a look of hurt washing over his face.

"James I, you're amazing and I...I care about you," Marcel said, internally screaming at himself because really? How could he?

James half smiled, "I'm sorry." Marcel said quietly, his eyes becoming watery.

James took Marcel's hand in his. "It's okay, I understand." Turning his head towards the movie showing the conversation had ended.

Except Marcel felt miserable.
Why couldn't he just say those few words? Why?

He knew why though, he was still afraid...afraid of getting hurt.

"Babe?" James said concern etching his voice.

Marcel shook his head. "I'm such a horrible person, I can't even say I love you, but I know I do I just...I'm sorry." He said and he began to shake.

James sighed and leaned over and pulled Marcel closer to him. "Hey, it's okay, I understand why you can't okay? I'm not impatient, I can wait I love you, I'd do anything for you,"

That was just it, Marcel knew James would do anything for him...and what scared Marcel is the fact he didn't know...if he could give that much back.

~

Marcel shook away from those memories and walked to the bed, he climbed in and immediately James turned and wrapped his arms around Marcel.

Usually that would make him feel warm an safe but tonight it just made him miserable and sad.

"Why didn't I get run over? That would hurt so much less..." Marcel thought as he fell asleep.

•~•

"ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS?!" A voice shouted and Louis groaned as he opened his eyes to the strong ray of bright light from the sun.

He looked up into the blazing amber eyes that belonged to Zayn. He groaned even more at the pounding in his head and he looked around. Louis sat in the middle of a trashed up alley with broken bottles and graffiti lining the streets.

Slowly standing up Louis stretched his arms...because in all honesty he's slept in worse.

"The hell do you want?" Louis muttered. Zayn was still glaring at him until he finally sighed.

"Come on Lou lets go home," Zayn said. After he had left Lou all alone Zayn had walked back to their small flat, but after non stop worrying all night he decided to head back out in search of his shorter tattooed broken friend. Even after the punch, and Louis realised this and he grimaced noticing the bright swell on Zayn's cheek.

"'M sorry," Louis muttered, Zayn didn't react to it knowing that was the most of an apology he'd ever get from Louis.

"Tis okay, lets just go," Zayn said and he turned around and began to walk away. Louis stared after his friend in slight astonishment he still came back for him...even after everything. There is so many things Louis doesn't deserve in life...and a friend like Zayn was definitely one of them.

He didn't recall anything from last night other then wandering down the streets and finally collapsing in the alley, except for a moment in a dream...but that's all it was, just a dream.

•~•

Weeks later and Marcel began to think that it hadnt even happened. It was pouring rain outside, and Marcel was waiting outside the university for James to pick him up. Marcel sighed, things were becoming distant between them and it was all his fault.

Why couldn't he forget that stupid little encounter? He stood there going over those few moments, those few effing moments that changed things for him though for Louis they probably meant nothing seeing as he had been pissed out drunk.

"Babe! I have to stay after :(, the producer wants to go over some of the lyrics and notes I'm so sorry :(. </3" James 4:35 pm.

Marcel smiled softly, "it's okay, just good luck, ill see you later." He replied back, because that's the least he could do, not give James shit because Marcel knew what it felt like to be given crap over small things.

He stared absentmindedly at the dropping rain clouds. He looked at his sweatshirt and finally thought of something. Carefully he wrapped up his text books in his sweatshirt to make sure they wouldn't get wet, once satisfied he opened the door and walked out into the pouring rain that awaited him.

The cool water drops kissed his face almost welcoming him, his curls loosened from their previous state and they unfurled and began to curl up, he shook his head and almost laughed. He watched everyone else, some with umbrellas and others using a jacket or something to cover themselves up, no one stopping to enjoy the rain, just boring looking people following their boring working days.

Marcel laughed and he ran, ran through the rain, not caring that his shoes and socks were getting soaking wet.

He just let himself go, and he felt free. He didn't worry about Louis or James or the pressure that was on his left hand on the finger by his pinky.

He didn't care for those precious few moments.

Until it all came to a halting stop as he ran into someone, immediately stuttering Marcel came back as he mumbled a quick apology and began to walk away.

Until a soft, and familiar "Marcel?" Emitted from the strangers lips.

Marcel froze and looked at the stranger, warm light brown hair falling to her waist, dark brown eyes hidden behind parted bangs. A short, girl with a timid smile was staring back at him.

"Candy?" Marcel asked shock filling his voice.

"Marcel!" She cried as she felt tears fall and she ran towards him and hugged him.

"Candy...." He whispered holding her tight as well, because nothing else mattered except for that moment.

•~•

"IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT YOU WASTED ALL THE MONEY," Zayn screamed, wanting to punch Louis but he couldn't even see anything more than two feet in front of him in the pounding rain.

"SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP." Louis screamed.

Zayn sighed in annoyance, cause really they could be driving if it wasn't for Louis having spent their fuel money on coke the night before. The effects of it having left Louis just a couple of hours before. The rain seemed never ending, it really did, and it also wasn't helping Zayn's temper cause he was just done with Louis' bullshit.

Louis was tired and cold to his bones, his teeth were chattering but he knew it wasn't because of the rain, it was withdrawal he needed coke he needed it, but he didn't have anymore fucking money. The weed he was selling barely helped to cover the barest necessities.

Louis stared down at his arms, capturing the swallow tattoo, it's dark eyes staring at Louis in defiance, almost laughing at him knowing the memory behind it almost burned him inside out.

Almost like the anger finally decided to be set free Louis scratched at the tattoo, he screamed and continued scratching at it, watching as little beads of blood came from the small cuts. "GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD." Louis screamed still nonstop scratching at the tattoo, Zayn quickly got on, and he grabbed Louis' hands.

"Lou." Zayn said quietly, and Louis looked at him but it was like Louis wasn't actually seeing him. His once shining bright ocean eyes were dull and glossy.

"I'm such a fuck up," Louis said.

This...this is why Zayn couldn't leave him.

They stopped walking, and Zayn just stated down at his friend who was staring at the ground looking so...broken.

Finally the rain let up.

•~•

Candy was crying and holding on to Marcel almost like if she didn't he would disappear. "You never contacted me, I didn't know which part in California you were you never called me, I missed you, I missed you so much." Candy was saying.

The rain was beginning to let up but that didn't matter to either of them.

"I-" Marcel started to say, Candy abruptly pulled back and slapped Marcel across the arm.

"Did you forget about me?" She whispered and fresh tears came into her eyes, Marcel's eyes widened in horror.

"No, never!" He exclaimed.

"Then why?" She asked.

"I just wanted to forget..." He didn't have to say it he knew he didn't and Candy quickly caught on. "I wanted to start fresh anew," he continued saying and he waved his arms to show that's what he really was trying to do.

Except bad move because Candy noticed it, she noticed what was on his left hand.

"Marc-" she started to say, her eyes widening, but a loud gasp came from behind them, her eyes fluttered to who it was and her hands came to her mouth.

"I-" Marcel started to say, he needed to fix the situation.

"Babe?" A soft voice called out.

No.

Please please please no.

Marcel slowly turned around and there he was, Louis.

Louis with dark tattoos swirling alongside both his arms, piercing in his lip, hair pointing in every direction, beads of blood falling from one of his arms. His eyes were wide but they didn't shine, they just stared at Marcel, ripped black skinny jeans and black boots alongside with a black tshirt that hugged his skinny stomach.

Candy's eyes were on the man to the side of Louis. Amber eyes looking at all of them, raven black hair falling in front of his eyes, tattoos on one arm and alongside his neck, ripped jeans and a worn out leather jacket on his back.

Zayn.

The rain started to pick up again, but no one moved.

"You're back?" Louis whispered in that same broken tone.

"It wasn't a dream was it?" Still Marcel didn't answer.

Candy reached her hand out, but Marcel didn't even look at it.

"You left. Why?" Louis asked again.

Marcel glared at Louis. "I left? I LEFT HOW FUCKING DARE YOU." Marcel shouted.

Candy sighed...but she didn't say anything because it was time for Marcel to let everything go.

Louis looked at him, surprise etched on his face. "I WOKE UP AFTER THAT...NIGHT AND YOU AREN'T THERE HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MADE ME FEEL? THAT MAYBE YOU FINALLY GOT WHAT YOU WANTED AND THAT MADE YOU LEAVE ME. YOU LEFT ME, YOU LEFT...me." Marcel shouted. He shouting because he wanted to be heard, he finally wanted Louis to hear an realise just how hurt he made Marcel feel.

"Babe..I didn't, I didn't leave." Louis said looking at Zayn helplessly.

"Just stop Louis, just, I'm happy okay? I'm happy right now, I haven't been happy in so long, I'm really happy I don't need you to ruin it." Marcel said quietly.

"But I didn't leave you!" Louis pressed on, walking forwards making Marcel take steps back.

"STOP LYING." Marcel shouted.

"Babe-"

"STOP, I'm not your babe I'm not your anything." Marcel continued saying, wiping his curls to the side as the rain began to pound at them.

That's when Louis caught it, the light reflecting from the ring on Marcel's finger, as a car drove by. Louis stared at it, realisation dawning on him.

"But I love you." Louis said.

Marcel laughed humourlessly, "I loved you." He turned around and began to walk away, he didn't turn around not even once. Candy stared at Zayn and Louis long and hard and she followed after him.

Louis stared after them.

Just like before Louis was letting Marcel go.

And finally Marcel disappeared, and Louis broke down crying.

Because what was the point when the one you loved was happy with someone else?

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