eighteen | love me (lights out)

"I want to join Operation Blackarm."

Harry and Director Axton are the only two that stop moving. Zayn stands by my with the same intensity on his stature as there is in my voice. Louis and Niall don't say anything as they stand in the same places they always stand in when we're in these dreary meetings in Director Axton's office.

"You want to what...?"

"I want to join Operation Blackarm."

"No. Absolutely not. We need to keep you alive."

"My family died because of this," I plead, "I want to avenge their deaths."

"Alright," he gets up, straightening his suit jacket, "say, we let you in. Then you get killed on the scene. Well, there goes our mission objective. Rather our own assassins get killed than the person we're trying to protect."

"But they wouldn't expect him to be out there," Zayn says, supporting me, "if they come attack us here--"

"We have not been attacked here yet," Director Axton stops him, "we're not planning on being attacked any time soon."

"That's not good planning then," Zayn retaliates, "let him in. It could prove to help you guys."

"And when he dies?"

"He has to come out of hiding to retrieve the money, doesn't he? Either way, this will work. Drake not getting his hands on the money is the more efficient way, that's all."

Director Axton nods, folding his hands together before looking back to me.

"Not yet," he says, "not while the situation is so fragile. We need a confirmed location and a confirmed concealed agreement from the ally we want."

"Prince Rafael?" I answer for him, and he responds with another nod.

"We're close. As soon as we get a confirmed yes from the prince's advisaries, we'll be flying there with a strike and protection team."

"What are you gonna do after?"

"Working out permits and such, and then we'll be able to search for the bunker and ask Prince Rafael a few questions about Drake."

"Who's on the strike and protection teams?" I ask.

"Styles, Tomlinson, Horan," Director Axton goes to look at the virtual list his pulls up on the screen, "Tomlinson, Horan...oh, Vic, and Matterhorn. They're the team leaders."

"What do I need to know to be on a strike team?" I ask and he smirks, looking to Harry.

"Why don't you show him, Agent? Show him the training he needs to be on a strike team."

And with that, Director Axton leaves the room, signalling Niall to follow him. When they exit the room, Harry makes his move, pushing Zayn aside while he does so.

"Hey," I stop him, "the hell you think you're doing, pushing him?"

"Liam what the hell do you think you're doing?" He ignores Zayn and grabs my arm, "Are you crazy? The last thing I want is you in the field; you're not ready."

"Then make me ready." I demand, "I want to fight in this. They killed my family, they ripped my life away from me, and they could have had Zayn if we didn't get him down here in time. Let me join the strike team."

"You don't even know how to shoot a gun Li..." I hear him mutter under his breath, and Zayn steps in between.

"Listen," he says, "I'm already not a fan of you. You broke my friend's heart to a point where he was drinking himself into oblivion. I didn't see him for weeks after, only to learn he's been trapped down here. So you better damn well back up and let him do what he pleases in this case."

"You," Harry points at him roughly, pressing his finger onto his chest, "of all people, will not be the one to list all my sins. Save it for my judgement day."

"Yeah, that's not too far, is it?"

"Zayn!" I scold him, placing my hands on both their chests as they glare each other down, "Both of you, quit it. I'm doing this for me, not for either of you, that's for sure."

Louis and I make eye contact, and he nods when I motion to the door. He pulls it open for me, leading me out as Zayn and Harry follow desperately.

"Liam that's not what I meant--"

"Neither did I--"

"Just leave me alone, both of you." I say, turning to them frustratedly, "You're both irritating me to no end right now."

Louis places his hand on my shoulder blade as he walks me out of the office, while being quick and efficient about it. Harry and Zayn try to catch up, but we turn the corner and take the stairs quicker than they can catch up to.

"God," Louis mutters, rolling his eyes, "testosterone."

"You have it too...don't you?"

"Yeah," he sighs, "but they've got it pretty bad."

"Zayn just cares about me," I explain timidly, "he just wants to make sure I'm safe."

"Yeah, so does Harry, you know."

We stop at the elevator and he presses the '4' button. We wait patiently as the elevator comes down to our level.

"I mean I guess they both have the same way of thinking," I mumble, "but I want to be on the strike team."

"And nothing is stopping you other than your level of experience Liam," Louis explains, "so in conclusion, all I can tell you is that you need to train your ass off before we send that strike team into Monaco."

"What about the protection team?"

"What about it?"

"Do I still need the same training?"

"Yeah, but the difference is, you'll be protecting Rafael. If Drake were to come and attack our only source of information and succeed, it would crush our plans. Either way, you're going to have to learn how to shoot a gun."

"Good," I mutter.

"You think you can handle it?"

"Louis," I mutter, looking up to him as the signal dings, indicating the arrival of our elevator, "I didn't need a hand to hold before Harry. I'll find that confidence again."

"Alright," Louis shrugs, "good luck."

"I won't need it."

"Don't get cocky," he warns, "you're definitely going to need it."

-

Around eight o'clock, I lay in my room, trying to find the sleep I desperately need. Tomorrow I begin training, and I'll stop at nothing until I'm ready to accompany the teams on their trip to Monaco. It's what I have to do. As long as I'm stuck here, I should make the most of it.

A knock on the door distracts me from sleeping and I roll my eyes, getting up and wrapping my sheet around my body before I open the door. When I see Harry, my first instinct is to shut the door, but he stops it with his foot.

"Wait," he begs, "please, just let me talk to you?"

"About what? All you're going to do is try and talk me out of joining the attack team," I argue, "Harry I want to do this."

"No no," he rejects my accusation, "I don't care about that anymore. It's your decision, and your place to make the said decision. I want to talk to you about something else."

"What?"

"Us."

Of course. What about us though, I wonder? How my entire life has been flipped 180 degrees and I suddenly don't fall to his knees in love and devotion whenever I see him?

"What about us."

"Li," he steps inside, sandwiching me between the door and his body, "I don't want you to get the wrong idea about how I feel about you."

"Then give it to me already! Because I am so sick of waiting around for you to make up your mind Harry!"

"Look I--" he sighs, leaning down and pressing his forehead to mine as he grips my wrists, "I'm literally winging it. I'm trying to keep you safe, and keep this relationship alive at the same time. We can't repeat Spain, no, but the feelings I have for you carried over. It's why I haven't given up on you or us yet. Right now, my priorities are all over the place, and the only thing I know for sure is that I want you right here and safe in my arms. And as long as we're here, that's always going to be in jeopardy, and I--"

"Look Harry," I stop him, looking up into his tear stained eyes, "I understand what you're saying. I do, and I want what we had before too. The feeling, at least."

"Then why don't we bring it back?" He asks me quietly, shutting the door behind him and turning the light in the room off, "No one says I have to sleep in my room at night."

I take it as a given, leaning up and pressing my lips to Harry's roughly. He picks me up as he catches my lips, my legs wrapping around his waist as he walks us over to where he slams me against the wall. His hands roam up my back, pulling my shirt off of my torso before pinning his palms to the wall and dropping me to lean up and kiss him back.

"We're gonna do this?" I whisper, my fingers trembling as he takes off his shirt as well.

"There's no rules against it," he whispers back, "Do you want me?"

"I want you. Please Harry, please love me."

-

The most vibrant moment I remember from last night was Harry kissing my forehead softly before cuddling into my shoulder. It was almost perfect, except for the haunting memory of Spain. And it's sad that we can't move on from it, but I simply don't see it.

I sat up for a few hours, knowing that the next day loving Harry was going to take a vacation and hardcore Harry was going to take his place.

I'm not sure how far he'd push me, and I was slightly afraid of what was going to happen. But what surprised me was when I heard a barely audible knock on the door at three in the morning.

. . .

"Who the hell..." I mutter, suddenly realizing how long Harry and I had sex. He's only been asleep for a few hours and we finished before he slept. We had sex for at least 5 hours...holy shit. I guess that's how long Harry can go without getting laid.

I open the door quietly, looking up in surprise to see my best friend standing at the door.

"Oh..." I mumble, "hey Z..."

"You're...in a blanket." He stammers, biting his lip.

"Things got carried away," I admit, embarrassed as I cover myself up more.

"Are you okay?" He asks as I step out and shut the door behind me, leaving Harry to sleep in the uninterrupted peaceful darkness.

"Am I okay..." I laugh, "that's a question."

"Really," he says, tilting my chin up, forcing me to look in his bright hazel eyes.

No, anything but my weakness.

Zayn just knows everything that gets me to speak, and I guess it's bad I'm putty in his palm after a single motion. Nonetheless, I begin spilling my thoughts.

"He's conflicted," I explain, "it's just the situation. We both hear the angels singing, we just don't know where they are."

"Are you sure about this Liam," he warns, "pursuing this, while training to fight on a strike team? Not too long ago you were planning a new path."

"Yeah, but that was then," I stress, "it's changed drastically since then. The situation doesn't call for a new beginning Zayn, that's when I thought Harry was never coming back."

"Yeah, and what changes now?"

"The fact that Harry's not leaving any time soon," I say, "and there's nothing I can do about that. I have a gravitational pull towards him, and you can't fight gravity. I'm sorry Zayn."

"I just want my best friend to be safe," he begs, "Liam you're some of the only family I have left..."

"Zayn," I coo, wrapping my arms around him and pulling his slim body in for a hug, "I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

"I love you Li," he whispers, nuzzling his nose in my neck and kissing where Harry's hickeys laid, "so much."

"Love you too Z," I whisper back, letting him go as he waves brokenly before walking back to his sleeping quarters. I release a breath I hadn't realized I was holding before opening the door to my room, where Harry is sleeping soundly under the other dirty sheet on my bed.