CHAPTER SIXTEEN.
FORGIVE, DON'T FORGET

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So maybe school had approached faster than Amandla originally thought. But, in her defense, the days had been blurring, you know? Starting with a hangover and ending with a bottle of whatever was easiest to reach in the cabinet that day, so it was no surprise that she didn't actually know any dates. All she knew was that Anastasia constantly said to finish school work because the year was approaching than you know it...

Of course, Anastasia had also been saying that since summer began in the first place, so she wasn't really a credible source for information. But then it appeared, September first had approached quicker than Amandla wanted and she was gripping tightly onto the railing of her cart as Mrs. Stature held her son in a loving embrace and telling him to conquer the year.

He gave his mother a smile before spotting his friends, and with a quick peck to the cheek the boy was gone. Cevira gave her mother a tight smile, though she did not receive one back, and was quickly on her way with Amandla, who didn't say a goodbye at all.

And then they were on the train. Fuck. "Wonder where Corey is..." Cevira muttered.

Confused, she managed to let out, "Why do you say that? He'll be in the same cart he always is."

"I know, Amandla," Cevira scoffed and rolled her eyes, "At least...I hope he is. He hasn't been returning any of my letters for the past month and I've been getting worried, which you would've known if you haven't been out of it all summer. Seriously, Amandla, what's going on with you?"

She needed to remember that her friend didn't know about her newly acquired addiction. Well, addiction is a strong word. Amandla could go a night without alcohol, but it would be a terrible and restless night and Amandla would regret not getting the liquor in the first place. At least then she felt a little lighter and her thoughts weren't as dark.

"Sorry, Cev, it's just been a rough year, you know? Last year, I mean. A lot happened and I was finally relaxing during summer," Amandla apologized.

"By pushing me away?" Cevira fired, "Sorry...that's rude. And you aren't as bad as Corey, at least I still got to see you every day during summer."

"I'm sure that Corey has a perfect explanation for why he hasn't been writing back, Cevira," Amandla reasoned. They finally reached their destination; their usual train cart. Rolling her eyes, Amandla said, "See? He's right there, like I said." And then they entered the cart with smiles on their faces.

Corey didn't seem those smiles, though, too preoccupied with staring out the window like all those lonely folks in romance movies. Amandla almost snorted at the thought. Amandla and Cevira sat down opposite to him as the Stature girl gave him a smile. "Hey, Corey!"

He mumbled a quick hello, and she couldn't help but think that his greeting was much different from the years before. Usually, they met on the platform as Corey thanked them for showing up before complaining about whatever happened during summer. This new Corey was frightening.

"Alright," Cevira mumbled to herself before trying again, "How was your summer? And how's Luna?"

There was a pause before he answered, "Summer was fine...so is Luna."

Not very talkative he was, which was very unlike the usual Corey they were used to seeing. Cevira's smile turned to a frown, and Amandla rested her hand on the Asian girl's arm in a sign of comfort.

This time, it was Amandla who started the conversation, "That's great to here. Cevira and I mainly playing board games – which was amazing. I usually always won at Monopoly."

"Whatever," she scoffed, "At least I won Scrabbled every time."

"But I'm also better at Clue, and don't you dare try to argue with that," Amandla threatened, "We played six games of that in a row and I won five of them."

She rolled her eyes, "Anyways, did you go anywhere over summer, Corey? Like in the last month maybe?"

He frowned slightly into his palm, still looking out the window, "No...stayed at home all summer. Why you asking?"

It was Cevira's turn to frown again, "It's just that you haven't written anything for the past month, I was getting worried."

"Don't," he shook his head, "Just forgot...I guess."

She huffed, hating that answer. Really? He just fucking forgot? Like, he literally forgot about fucking writing to his best friends in the whole wide world? What the fuck? Noticing her anger, Amandla squeezed her arm as to calm her down.

"Alright," Cevira gave him a tight smile – the kind she gave her mother, "I guess I understand, sometimes I get busy too."

"Great," he muttered with a nod. Even Amandla was rolling her eyes at this.

What was wrong with him? Why was he actually like this? Even she, who had been out of it since the beginning of summer, didn't act like this during the day. What the fuck was his actual problem here?

And then there was a pause. Just silence as the tension around them thickened. Amandla, with her fists clenched, tried not to snap at Corey, even though she really wanted to. Cevira, frowning because she wasn't angry at him, she was just sad. She thought that she wasn't enough, that maybe her friendship wasn't enough anymore. And then there was Corey. He was just staring out the window like nothing was bloody wrong there and that he wasn't currently ruining his friendships with them.

That was the cart door opened, revealing a younger girl wearing a blue robe. "Um...I'm supposed to give this to Copernicus Lovegood?" she squeaked out.

Startled, Corey turned and reached for the envelope addressed to him and the girl left with a run. The tension was gone for a moment as Corey tore open the envelope and scanned over the letter more than once before placing it back into the shredded envelope.

"Well," Cevira said shortly, "What does it say?"

"Just that I've been invited to lunch with Professor Slughorn or whatever," he shrugged, "Doesn't matter, though, not going anyways."

So that was the most he had spoken to them since the end of the previous school year, and it wasn't even something about them or summer. It wasn't with a smile or an eye roll, just a monotone voice that aggravated her even more.

"Professor Slughorn...?" Cevira trailed off with a frown, the unfamiliar name messing with her.

"I think he's the new Potions professor, right? Think I heard something about that when we were passing through the hallway," Amandla suggested.

"Potions professor? But I thought Snape taught that course? Unless, you know, Dumbledore finally sacked him," the thought sent joy through Amandla, even though she knew that Cevira wasn't speaking the truth.

With a shake of her head, Amandla answered, "No, he's become the new Dark Arts teacher now."

"Really? How did he manage to finally get Dumbledore to agree with that? I mean, I know he's wanted it for years, but really?" Cevira exclaimed.

"Well, no one else wants the post now. You know, since it's cursed and all? Haven't had one stick for years now," Amandla supplied, remembering what Draco told her in their first year. Her heart hurt for a moment when she thought of him.

"Yeah, yeah. But back to lunch, you should go, Corey. It could help you earn brownie points with him," Cevira suggested.

"I don't think that will be a good idea, Cevira," he didn't even look at her when he spoke.

"Whatever, just go. For us, okay? I mean, he obviously doesn't want us there, which I understand, so go so that you can tell us the details about what he wants later," she smiled at him.

"Alright...for you, but that doesn't mean I'll actually tell you," Corey sternly said, still not looking at them, opting for the wonderful view of the hills outside the window which he saw every fucking year.

"Thanks, Corey. I mean, it's the least you could do after ignoring me for a whole fucking month," she batted her eyelashes innocently. Amandla rolled her eyes.

"You don't have to guilt trip me, I'm already going," he rolled his eyes at her.

"Oh, but I do."

―

So then it was time to get off the train. It was late, they had arrived at Hogwarts, and Amandla could hear Hagrid calling for the first years and ringing a bell. Corey had gone to the lunch thing before returning to tell them, in few short words as he looked out the fucking window, that he was starting a club for those who were gifted at Potions like him. Harry Potter and Hermione Granger were there too. Her heart did a leap at the thought of the bushy-haired girl.

But apparently he was calling it the 'Slug Club', and Amandla snorted the first time she heard that. It sounded fucking ridiculous, and she was suddenly glad that she was absolute shit at Potions.

And they were walking – Cevira and herself – out of the train, Corey had surpassed them a mile ago it seemed. He didn't want to be near them, he didn't want them anymore, at least that was how it felt. The thought made her frown.

Then she saw Luna, who was her usual smiley self with a pair of ridiculous glasses on as she held the additions of her father's newspaper in her hands. "Luna!" Amandla called, gaining the attention of the youngest Lovegood, who smiled dazedly at her.

"Hello, Amandla. Hello, Cevira. Lovely night it is, right?" she smiled kindly at them.

"Of course – yeah! Great night!" Amandla smiled, "But I was wondering about Corey. He's been acting strange, hasn't he?" she nodded too, "Do you have any idea what could be wrong with them?"

"Oh, I don't know. Daddy and I think he was bitten by something that's changed his insides, but I can't be certain – not without a blood sample," the two girls grimaced, "But he has been acting strange, I agree. Wish I could help you more, but hasn't been talking to me all summer."

Cevira frowned at that, a flash of sadness in her eyes, "Hasn't written either..."

"He's also been locking himself in his room instead of enjoying the sun with me while daddy's working," Luna rattled on, "It's not as fun to pick flowers without him."

"That's weird," Amandla muttered as she looked up at the others, "I'll try talking to him later."

They started to walk away when Luna called them back. "Do you have any clue where Harry could be?"

"Harry?" Cevira repeated the name, "No. We aren't friends with Harry, sorry."

"No, no, it's quite alright. I just have a feeling that he's going to need some help about now," Luna said, but it was mostly to herself. At least, that was what Amandla guessed.

"Alright, Luna, we'll see you later. Be back in time for the sorting," Amandla waved.

"I'll try," the Lovegood girl smiled before walking away from the and further down the train.

Without another word, the two girls walked off the train and to the Great Hall, seeing already that the outside was practically empty. "Huh, guess our conversation with Luna took longer than we thought," Cevira murmured.

Amandla nodded in agreement, and after getting their bags checked (because apparently that was a thing now), they were off to dinner. Still, when they were outside, they hadn't seen Luna or Harry – who apparently needed to be saved or something, but they weren't exactly worried yet.

And when they sat down, the other Hufflepuffs were already emerged in other gossip, not even noticing their arrival.

"Can you believe it? Snape's the DADA teacher now!" one of them, a girl in the year below them, whispered, "Wonder how he did that."

"I bet he's going to torture us! Like force werewolves on us – maybe he can even get Lupin back for the day!" another laughed manically.

Amandla rolled her eyes at that, wanting to say something but deciding against it. At the beginning of the year, at least for her, it was good to keep quiet around others and gather her courage.

"Oh wait! There's Amandla!" shit, she had been spotted, "Haven't you heard that her last name is Fitzgerald?"

"I don't understand why that's important, Deyes," one of the girls snapped at the guy.

"Because she's the daughter of Isaiah and Gwendolyn Fitzgerald, Collins!" Whatever-His-First-Name Deyes snapped back, "Haven't you heard of them? They were Death Eaters!"

"Death Eaters!" Collins gasped, "Really? Do you think she'll become one herself?"

"Duh! He's back and all of his followers are fleeing back to him – even broke out Bellatrix Lestrange last year from Azkaban! So of course she will! Probably thinks that you're disgusting 'cause you're a muggleborn!"

Of course she wouldn't hate the girl! Amandla thought that was ridiculous, hadn't they read about the stunt she pulled last year? The one where she risked her life to save Sirius Black so that he could become a free man? Why would she pledge herself to them now? They want her dead!

But she didn't say any of that, it wasn't worth it, she had come to realize. It wasn't worth lashing out, causing a scene, because that would only fuel the fire more. They would only think more that she was going to become a Death Eater.

Huffing, she stuffed her mouth with turkey and glared at the plate beneath her. Merlin, she wished she could say something to them. Sensing this, Cevira gave her a small smile and squeezed her arm before releasing it again.

Then dinner was over. Not just like that, a lot happened in between. Dumbledore gave his speech, welcoming everyone and introducing the new Potions teacher (Slughorn) and how Professor Snape would now be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts.

(Someone snored, "More like Dark Arts.)

But it was basically over. And she saw Harry return with Luna, but he had a bloody nose. And instead of intruding and asking what was wrong, Amandla stayed in her seat and would ask later. Or maybe she wouldn't. They weren't exactly friends. Not friends at all, really.

It was night. Of course it was. The girls were all snoring and Amandla was still wide awake, itching for another sip of alcohol. She always told herself that she would stop when school started, always thought that she would stop drinking when she wanted to. But now she was aching. She just wanted a drink – a sip – and she couldn't sleep either. So she got up quietly, tip-toeing out of the room, down the stairs, and out of the common room (which was, thankfully, empty.)

Then she was in the kitchen, which was so close to the Hufflepuff chambers. Which was good because Amandla sometimes (always) wanted a midnight snack.

So she was rummaging through all of the cabinets for alcohol until she finally found the one shelf full of it. Smirking, she stood on her toes as she reached for the closest bottle, barely reaching it as she finally grasped around it and brought it down. Taking a swing of it, she smirked to herself. Merlin, she really loved alcohol.

And she was alone again until the door to the kitchen swung open, revealing Draco himself. She gasped out his name, taking account that he was actually there and he wasn't all grand and great at all.

"Amandla..." he trailed off, looking between her and the bottle, "Oh."

Noticing this, she began to hide the bottle, "I just needed a drink tonight..."

"Why?" he asked before really thinking about his next question, "When?"

"Beginning of summer...found the liquor cabinet and I couldn't stop myself, just needed something to help me forget," Amandla mumbled. He heard every word perfectly. "And tonight...there were people talking about me, made me angry. Have to drink now."

Instead of ridiculing her, he took a seat beside her and took a swing of the liquor as well. "Why do you need it?" she asked.

"Much like you, I need to forget," Draco muttered, "I don't want to remember this year – this life."

"Don't say anything like that. Please..." Amandla pleaded, "Don't say that."

"Why not? I lied to you last year, I knew what my parents did, but I didn't tell you. I lied. I told you that he read our minds, but he didn't. They sold you out to save themselves," Draco grumbled angrily, "And then I couldn't handle it, seeing you understand and still care for me, so I stopped our friendship. That way I wouldn't have to lie anymore. At least, not to your face."

"I know," she softly whispered, "I know what they did – why you lied. You were scared, right? I was scared too, and now I'm not."

"But they want you dead, Amandla. If you ever see one of them again, they'll kill you," Draco looked at her.

"Can't wait."

"Don't say that," he frowned, "Don't say anything like that, I can't lose you."

"I know. I forgive you, you know? I forgive you. I won't forget it, but I forgive you," Amandla told him, "Because I can't hate you, I could never. You're my family, so I forgive you."

"Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome," she whispered.

And then there was a pause as they just drank from the bottle of liquor. Then: "What happened to you? Why do you want to forget?" she asked.

He didn't say anything, just lifted up his sleeve (the left one) to reveal the Dark Mark. Amandla gasped at that before letting out a little "oh", the only thing that would pass through her lips.

He snorted at that. "Yeah, 'oh.' I'm sorry, Amandla, I know that you don't like this. We can leave each other now and you'll never have to worry about me."

"I'll always worry about you, Draco, whether we're friends or not," Amandla looked him dead in the eyes, "Nothing you do will ever change it."

"I have the Dark Mark, Amandla, nothing's going to change that!" Draco stressed, "I tried, I really did. I wanted to leave, to get away. But I didn't know where to go, who would take me in! Who would want me anyways? A Death Eater? Anyone in their right mind would turn me in the moment they saw my arm!"

"I wouldn't," she said, "I would never do that, I would help you run."

"And go where?" he scoffed, "I've thought about running a million times! I knew I could get away once school started, but where would I go? They would always find me."

"We could fake your death, they would never know," Amandla suggested.

"Thought about that too, wouldn't work. I tried running during summer, but the place is always so secure. Always another running around. Guards are there, too. Learned their shifts, but whenever someone leaves, another takes their place. Make sure someone's there before they even think of leaving their post. There was no way for me to get out – and it's not like I could Apparate or anything."

"You said it yourself, it would be perfect once school started," Amandla softly tried again, "Maybe...maybe there's a way out through the Forbidden Forest – or maybe the thestrals. Anything to get you out of here."

"It's no use," he shook his head again, "I wish. But I'm too far in, there's no saving me."

Amandla slumped, feeling beat as her head banged against the wall behind her. "I'm sorry."

"Don't," he muttered, "I always knew this would happen. When I was younger, I think a part of me wanted this life – to serve You-Know-Who. But now I don't. I've learned from that, I learned what it's really like. It's not a dream anymore, it's reality, and that's scarier. But this was always my future, Amandla, there was no changing that. For you, there was – is, and I'm glad that you're free."

"But like you said before, they want me dead. I'm not really free," Amandla whispered in the darkness.

"At least there isn't a mark branding your arm for eternity," Draco replied, "Even after the year, when he falls, I'll still have this. I'll still walk around with the mark on my arm while you'll be free. No one will want me."

"I'll always want you."

"But no one will want me, Amandla. If they learned about this...about my family and what I was forced into, they won't love me," Draco grimaced.

"Then they aren't worth you," Amandla decided, "Because you're an amazing person. When you're with me, you're the best I've ever known. If the world only knew this too, everyone would love you."

"But I can't, not right now at least. If I become soft in their eyes, they'll kill me. Quickly, and cover it up. Nobody will even care if I die, not really. My friends..." he scoffed, "If you can even call them that, will say the usual 'I'll miss him', but they won't really mean it."

"I'll miss you, your parents will."

"That's three people, Amandla. If you die, everyone will care. If Potter dies, the whole wizarding world will mourn – along with Dumbledore. But no one would really care if evil Draco Malfoy was killed," Draco rolled his eyes.

Another pause of silence, and she said it again: "I'm sorry."

"I know."

"I wish this wasn't happening to you, you don't deserve it. You're a good person, and bad things shouldn't happen to bad people," Amandla softly said.

He snorted, "Ask anyone and they'll tell you I'm the worse, that I deserve all the pain."

"But you don't."

"No, Amandla, you don't, but I deserve every ounce of pain thrown my way," he shook his head, "I am a terrible a person."

Amandla frowned, "I'm sorry you think that." He nodded, taking the bottle from her grasp and gulping another swallow down. She did the same. And they didn't talk anymore, there was nothing else to say.

They stayed like that for hours before leaving. Amandla didn't regret a thing.