Chapter 12:

Tobias' Perspective

    I crawl into bed next to Tris, thinking about what Natalie said. "You are sooo deep in thought!" says Tris. She's in one of my black t-shirts and no pants. The shirt goes down just above her knees.

She is sitting on top of the sheets and smirks. "How?" I say. "You're biting your lip, and your eye brows are all scrunched up."  I automatically stop that. "No! Don't stop! It looks cute!" she says. I laugh and adjust my pillow to sit up. I bite my lip again, but not because Tris thinks it looks cute, because I'm still thinking about what Natalie said. 

Were you happy as a child? Her soft, but strong voice rings in my head. "Okay, what's wrong?" Tris says as she lays her head in my lap. "Nothing." I say. She grabs my face and pulls it towards her. I'm thinking she's gonna kiss me, but she stops when our noses touch.

    "Natalie said something. That's why you're so paranoid." she says. She just brushed her teeth and I smell minty cookies. Minty cookies? She ate some cookies after she brushed her teeth. I smile. "I am not paranoid." I say.

    "You are also stubborn." she says her voice getting softer. I lean in closer, and kiss her. I taste cookies. I laugh against her lips. She pulls away and sits up. "What?" she says. "I tasted cookies!" I say. She laughs and pulls me to her lips.

    "What's wrong?" she says pulling away. "Okay, fine! Natalie did say something!" I say. "What did she say?" she says. I sigh and sit up straighter.

Then I realize that I have no pants on. I get up and walk to the dresser. "She just asked me if I was happy as a child." I say pulling out a pair of black pajama bottoms. "Did you tell her?" she says sitting on the edge of the bed.

    "Not about Marcus, I just said I'd rather him answer that question." I say pulling my leg through the pant leg. "Why don't you tell her?" she says. I pull my other leg in and sit on the bed next to her. "I don't want to tell her that I was beaten as a child. She'd never look at me the same." I say.

    "You pulled me into your fear landscape as a way to tell me. I still love you." she says taking my arm and leaning on my shoulder. "That was different. I liked you, and that was the only way I could think of telling you my real name. Marcus was just a plus at telling you." I say. "Maybe she would understand. She's very understanding." she says her grip on my arm loosening.

    "So you're saying I should take her through my fear landscape?" I say. She runs her fingers up my arm and rests her hand on my shoulder. "No, that's your choice. You could verbally tell her, or have her face your fears for you." she says.

    "I wouldn't want her facing them for me. I don't just want to stand in the side lines watching my fears become hers. Oh! I forgot, Marcus isn't in my fear landscape anymore. It's been replaced with you two dying. If I was her, I wouldn't want to watch my Mom die." I say. "Then show her the scars on your back." she says.

    "That would just be awkward." I say. "No, she's your daughter. She's another part of you." she says. "So, I'm gonna show her my back?" I say. That would be kind of weird. I wouldn't want her to see me as some punching bag.

    "She's looked up to you her whole life. I seriously doubt a few scars are gonna get in her way." she says. "I know, but I just don't want her to see me as a beaten slab of meat." I say. She lets go of me and stands in front of me. She grabs me by the shoulders and gets in my face. "Don't you ever say that again! You are NOT some beaten slab of meat! You are much better than that! You can't just let some scars judge who you are! You are an amazing person!!! Don't let your background get in your way! I can't believe you think of yourself like that!" she yells.

She lets go of me and throws herself on the bed. I sigh. She sobs into the bed. "You have never been some-" she says but cries harder. I want to comfort her and tell her I don't think of myself like that, but it's pretty clear that I used to think of myself like that.

But when Natalie was born, I thought I could make a better person out of myself. But it looks like I didn't have to. Tris says I have been a good person, all my life and that I didn't need anything to make me a better person. She says the person she fell in love with, has been that person all along. She cries even louder.

    "Tris I didn't mean that. I'm sorry I hurt you." I say. She keeps crying, and sits up. "You are not that. And never have been!" she says hugging her knees. "You are brave, smart, selfless, honest, and kind." she says crying into her knees. I stay silent.

    "And you always have been. You never, never were some beaten slab of-" she says but cries harder. I lean over on the bed and sit next to her. "Whenever I kissed you, you made me forget everything bad that was going on around me. You erased any sign of hurt in me." she says wiping her cheeks.

She changed me, and I changed her. I really have no way to tell her I didn't mean that, because if I said it then I did. If I had time to think about what I was gonna say and it still came out of my mouth, then I meant it. I hold her and she wraps her arms around me and cries into my shoulder.

    "You're right. I am not that." I say. "I know." she says. "You have never been that, and I have loved you even when you believed it." she says. I kiss her on the head. "I know you did." I say. She loved me when I was an old grump who thought of himself as a slab of meat.

I don't anymore because she's proved to me that I'm not. I grab her by the shoulders and kiss her. I hurt her, and it hurts me that I hurt her. She holds me tighter and closer and I hold her. "I love you." she says pulling away.

"I love you too." I say. I turn the lamp off and crawl underneath the sheets. Tris finds her way into my arms and falls asleep. I doze off sooner or later with Tris' words ringing in my head.

    I wake up before Tris does and go make breakfast. Natalie sleeps in pretty late, so I don't have to worry about her waking up right now. I hear the bacon sizzling, and the toaster pop up toast. I miss getting to see the sunrise from the apartment.

But I guess I'd rather be safe from Jeanine than see some sunrise. I'm making bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwiches. The eggs are still cooking so I spread some butter on the toast. I check the eggs, and flip them. I look up, and Tris is walking towards me yawning. I smile.

    "Good morning." I say spreading butter on another piece of toast. "Moorrrning." she says yawning. "What time is it?" she asks. "Uh, seven I think." I say not looking at the clock. She comes up behind me and hugs me around the waist. I set the butter knife down and hold her hands.

I turn around and hug her. I love hugging her. She's always warm, and full of love and always wants to hug. I feel her fingers twist into my t-shirt. "I know, I know. I'm gonna tell her." I say letting go and flipping the eggs.

    "What are you making?" she asks. "Bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches." I say. "Mmmmm...." she says walking to the stove and picking up a piece of bacon. I pick it up out of her hands. "Wait until it's on the sandwich." I say putting it back in the pan. She glares at me and sits on the couch.

I take the eggs out, and stir around the bacon. I go to the fridge and grab a few slices of cheese. Tris sits on the couch reading a magazine. "Do you miss the factions?" she says turning a page. "Not really." I say. But everybody still lives in their own compound.

We just all have the choice to wear our faction colors or not. We can all do what we want, there aren't any Choosing Ceremonies anymore. We can move to different factions too. Christina and Will live in the Candor compound. Uriah and Marlene are our neighbors at the Dauntless compound and Zeke and Shauna built a house near the fence.

The safe house was built outside of the Amity fields and near some woods. So, right now we live in the Amity area. I finish toasting the last piece of bread, and make the sandwiches. I bring her the one I put extra bacon on because I took her bacon at the hospital, and she really loves bacon. She puts the magazine down and takes a huge bite out of it.

    "Mmmm! This is soh goohd!" she says with a full mouth. She swallows and says, "You have always been good at cooking." she says. I smile and sit down next to her. We both eat and then I see Natalie walking out of her room.

    "Good morning." Tris and I say at the same time. She grunts and walks into the kitchen. She sees the sandwich and grabs it. She walks over to us and sits in my lap. "High five." I say. She high fives me, and she laughs.

    "You want me to give Mom a high five?" she says. "Yeah, give her one." Tris' eyes go wide. She holds up her hand and Natalie high fives her. Tris smiles and says, "Good job! " Natalie smiles and eats her sandwich. "Natalie, I need to show you something." I say.

She looks at me and I see those bright blue eyes. She will understand. She loves me no matter what. "What?" she says. "Come to the training room with me." I say. "Okay." she says as she gets up and walks over to the stair case to upstairs.

I get up and follow her. I hear her light footsteps running up the spiral staircase. I hear her type in the code and the metal door swing open. I follow her out the door. "Now, what is it you need to tell me?" she says turning around and walking backwards.

    "Um, remember what you said last night? About the thing if I was happy as a child?" I say. She nods and walks to me. "And I said I wasn't?" I say. She nods again and she looks up at me. Her blue eyes look so soft and caring.

    "The reason I wasn't happy was because I was beaten as a child." I say. She looks me harder in the eye.

This chapter was really sad for me! Especially while I was writing it! The part where Tris is telling him that he's not a slab of meat warmed my heart! Did it warm yours? It showed she really cared for him and loved him. Awwwww!!!!!!  Oh! I need a few ideas for a certain part! It will make it a spoiler though! But if you don't mind it, please send me a message. Plus, you'll get to know what's gonna happen! I don't want to say what's gonna happen unless you message me about the idea, so just send me a message and I'll send you the idea for the part and you can help me improve it! I really want to find ways where it will make the story more exciting for you! I will dedicate that chapter to you! Don't forget to vote and comment! :)