"Killed?"

"Yes, Captain," Floch replied with an easy air of nonchalance. "Captain Levi was holding him back, but he's out of the way now. I hope your personal feelings for your husband don't get in the way of your work."

I nearly beat his shit in for that. My personal feelings? For my god damn husband?

I'm going to beat him up, I swear. One more comment like that...

But I couldn't think about beating him up right now, not when my mind was still going a million miles a minute at just the thought that Levi might be dead. The mere thought of it, simple though the words were to understand, remained incomprehensible in my mind.

"Did you see him?" I asked quietly, unable to speak any louder than that.

"Hange found him," Floch said. "She went to him, and said that he was dead. I didn't have time to confirm it myself."

So... he might not actually be dead?

It was a slim sliver of hope, but my heart took it and ran with it. Maybe Hange only said that he was dead, for fear of what the Yeagerists would do to him if he was still left alive. Maybe...

"I won't let it interfere with my work," I said, my mouth going on its own as my mind remained preoccupied with the grave situation I was facing currently, "but if I may have some time to grieve..."

"Fine," Floch granted, as though he had any authority to grant me that. "I look forward to working with you, captain."

I went back to the barracks and cried the rest of that evening.

—

That tiny piece of hope my heart held onto was quickly discouraged by my brain. It tried being reasonable, of all things. It was the slimmest, tiniest fraction of hope, I should not have latched onto it as I had. Floch wouldn't have told me that Levi was dead unless he firmly believed it, right? He was far too valuable a target for the Yeagerists to leave alive. So unless Floch really thought he was dead, he wouldn't have let him get away.

However...

My heart refused to believe that Levi was dead. His words left room for error. In any experiment, human error was always accounted for, no matter how meticulously the procedure was followed. Therefore, his words had some margin of error. That meant that maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe Levi was alive. Maybe Hange had taken him away and they were ok. They were alive.

Because if Floch really did have a high-priority target dying at his feet, why would he risk allowing him to heal with the help of the enemy? The only reasonable explanation for Floch to even dare allow Hange to get away with Levi would be if Floch truly believed he was dead.

Hope was hope. No matter if it came from a whim, or on the surest certainty, hope was hope, all the same.

And this was nothing more than a slim sliver of hope after all, but to be frank, I needed every bit of it that I could take right about now.

I couldn't allow myself to think that Levi was dead. It wouldn't do me any good.

Just look at what it had done to me just earlier today (and it was difficult to believe it was still the same damned day), when Marley attacked and the Rumbling began; I'd nearly worked myself to death. I became reckless. As soon as I'd seen Zeke and not Levi, I'd all but given up, only fighting on for the sake of fighting on and wanting to go out like a hero. All sense of self-preservation had gone out the window.

I'd worked tirelessly, carelessly, recklessly. Caution had been thrown to the wind, all manner of strategy and decision-making tossed aside for the sake of just moving. That's all I'd wanted to do. To move, to fly, to fight, all in order to distract myself from what was happening and what might have happened.

And that was only when I thought Levi was hurt. I'd only seen Zeke. There was no actual proof of him having killed Levi. My brain had just naturally made that assumption because how else would that bastard escape with his life?

It struck me then that I had felt like this once before, just after Caden died and El went shortly after. I'd nearly given up on myself. I worked for the sake of working, lived only because El had told me to try to live a good life, one that I could be proud of.

It wasn't my own will that got me out of bed each day, it was El's words, and the desire to not let him down. Because of everything else I could do in this world, letting El down was absolutely never an option for me. It took unintentional intervention from Mason to save me from that. Only then did I find myself in a place to accept the proposition offered by Farlan to join him and Levi.

And now... I was given another proposition, when I didn't know what else to do. Instead of joining a gang, or singing for loose change, it was a proposition to join the Yeagerists. To be granted safety in exchange for information, yet also to have to go against everything I stood for and maybe have to fight against my comrades, those scouts who hadn't diverted, who had trusted in my judgment and my leadership enough to stay.

I was a soldier without orders. A captain with no higher leadership at the moment. I still had no idea where Hange was. Apparently, she was out in the wild somewhere with Levi, corpse or not. I had no clue what I was to do. Joining something, anything, would at least give me direction again, even if I didn't join in earnest. It was all for show, for information.

If Levi was dead, it was up to me to kill Zeke. I would do it in his place. To do that, I had to find him. That's why I needed information. Beyond that, I could give whatever news the Yeagerists shared to Reyes, to Historia, and to my scouts who didn't divert.

I was doing this for them. I was doing this for us all. Global genocide that the Yeagerists were fighting for would not solve the problems all Paradisians - and all Eldians - were facing. This is what I had to do to save us all. I had to stop Zeke, to stop Eren.

And to do that, I needed information. This wouldn't be my first time being a double agent. Whether it would be my last time was still up in the air.

On that next day, as the final tremors of the Rumbling passed us by, I forced myself up and out of bed. Last night had been rough, but not nearly as rough as this morning, because of how I'd spent my night.

Crying, yes, exactly as I had done all afternoon. But I'd been crying for a different reason all night and into the early hours of this morning than I had all afternoon after Floch had enlisted me into the Yeagerists.

While I had cried my eyes out all evening, there had apparently been a secret meeting called by Hange. Because, of course, she was alive, which is what Floch had alluded to, which alleviated my fears for her safety only somewhat. She could handle watching herself for a short while, certainly.

But what made it worse was that I was not invited. I wasn't even told.

Here I was, still an active member of the Survey Corps, and a captain at that, one of very few left. And I was still being kept from the action. Dammit, hadn't she learned? That was the reason why I was a stowaway to the raid!

Anyway, I only knew it was happening from a pure stroke of luck: after having bawled my eyes out all evening just thinking about Levi being dead or otherwise injured and alone somewhere, I decided to go get something to eat because once my tears dried up and all was said and done, I was horribly exhausted and terribly hungry.

Knowing all too well that I would be a hypocrite for not caring for myself after helping everyone else, I heaved myself out of bed last night and well, I'm glad that I did.

I was returning to the barracks after having a meal by myself just as Jean was leaving. Concerned, mostly because he hadn't greeted me as I had when we passed each other, I called out to him.

"Jean? Where are you off to?" No answer. One of my eyebrows quirked up and I pivoted in the hall to watch him continue down the hall. "Are you alright?"

"Just on a walk, captain," he bit out, finally having noticed my presence.

My brows pinched together as I watched him go. My concern shifted to suspicion and I decided to trail him from a distance. He wasn't acting like himself. This boy, who so often would stop me in the hallway to make sure that I was alright, hardly even bothering to reply to me?

Something was off, and I wanted to find out what it was. So, I tailed him. I followed him outside, peeking my head around the side of the fort to see him walking towards Mikasa and Hange who were waiting for him. Upon seeing Hange alive, I could remember the only two words my brain could come up with: Holy shit.

I nearly made my presence known right there, because all I wanted to do was run to Hange and give her a hug. I'd missed her. I loved her like a sibling and so being without her for so long – and thinking that she was possibly dead, to boot – was incredibly hard. Besides, if anyone would know how Levi was doing, it would be Hange. But I held firm, and I stayed quiet, and I stayed put.

"Glad you could join us, Jean," I heard Hange say. "Have you..."

"I've seen Amaya, yes," he said, filling in the gaps of what she was trying to ask. The group began to walk, and I continued to trail after them on silent, trained feet. "Floch told her, you know. She spent all day today crying."

"Oh," Hange said, sadness lacing her tone despite trying to remain formal, impassive. "He told her about Levi?"

"He told her that he died," Jean said. "But tell me: is he really dead? Because Amaya seemed to believe so, and it broke my damn heart to hear her cry over something that might have been a lie or not the truth." Hange didn't answer, so Jean continued. "I just passed by her in the hall coming out here. Care to tell her yourself? I'm sure she'd love to hear from you."

That got Hange's attention. "She doesn't know, does she?"

"No," Jean said, frustration clear in his voice. "I didn't tell her. But do you really think this is a good idea? She wants to fight. She won't just sit down and let us do this without her. And if any of us make it out alive, she'll never forgive us."

"I know," Hange sighed. "She's as stubborn as her husband. But if no one tells her about this, there's no way for her to find out. That's how Amaya found out about the Raid. Levi told her about it, thinking that it would help ease her mind if she knew that there was a plan. But in doing that, she figured out when we were leaving, how we were leaving, and what the plan was, and how to sneak along for the ride."

"She also helped plan it," Jean provided.

"Right," Hange agreed. "Which made it hurt so much more, to think she would plan it for us to make it save for us even if she wasn't going. But if we do this, there's no way for her to come after us."

"But isn't that..."

"I'm willing to do this, to protect her," Hange said firmly. "Emi, too."

Hange slowed in her step slightly. I stayed out of sight as she turned to look at Jean, then at Mikasa. Thankfully, her voice carried across the otherwise empty courtyard, with nothing to see us but the moon sitting far above.

"If she had her way," Hange continued, "she'd fight until she was dead. Especially if she thinks that Levi is dead. I know her well enough by now to know that. And Amaya, she... She's always thought of herself as less than Levi. As if she'd gotten her position solely because of who she was to him. Never has she actually been proud of or recognized what she's done."

"Erwin wouldn't have made her a captain if she didn't deserve it," Mikasa said, ever the voice of reason.

"We know that," Jean said. "The problem is that she doesn't. Or she chooses not to."

"She constantly compares herself to Levi," Hange said. "That's why she pushes herself. Not out of spite or anything like that, but to make sure that she does the best she can for all of us." Hange laughed lightly. "As if she doesn't do enough for us already. Still, I'm not risking her life anymore."

"It's not your life to dictate," Mikasa protested. "She wants to fight. Why won't you just let her?"

"Because I'm not about to watch her die," Hange said. "Emi still needs her. And the regiment - or what's still left standing after all of this - will need her. The military needs someone to look up to right now. Nile and Pixis are dead. I'm as good as dead, in their eyes. No one else is left to pick up the pieces of our fractured military. If we all die getting to Eren, at least she'll be here to help lead everyone here."

Jean scoffed. "She hates politics, diplomacy, and all of it. You know that."

When next Hange spoke, her voice was strained, like it took all her effort to keep calm.

"I know. But she'll do what she needs to, for the good of the Scouts. That's the thing about her that I love and hate the most. It isn't her happiness that matters to her. If Amaya thinks it'll help, she'll do it. She's selfless, more than anyone else I know. Everything she does, it's for the good of someone else. I am not about to watch one of my closest friends die if I don't have to, not after everything she's done for us all."

"She's strong though," Jean said, "so what if she-"

"This is not something I am willing to debate. I've said it for years, and so did Erwin, and Levi did too: she's too good of a person to be a soldier. She's a damn good fighter and strong as hell, but I don't want her dying for this. She won't let me relieve her of her duties, so when the chain of command falls, she will take over operations here."

"I don't like this," Jean muttered. "This isn't going to help her. If she already thinks that she's not doing enough, and she's left here, do you really think that'll be better for her? She already thinks that Levi is dead. But you know something more, don't you? How do you think she'll feel once we all disappear, too?"

What? Disappear?

Somehow, amongst everything else that had been said, it was that word that stuck out. What the hell did he mean, disappear? Were they planning on leaving and going after Eren? That's exactly what I'd been planning on doing, regardless if they were coming or not. Regardless of Hange's plan for me.

While it warmed my heart she wanted to protect me, I couldn't sit idly by anymore. I just couldn't do it. Not anymore. After everything I'd told her, everything we'd done together, she still would be content to just let me stay behind. It's what she wanted.

I could not in good conscience let them go without me. And I was not about to let them.

At that point, I really didn't know what to do. I was at a complete loss. I wasn't used to feeling that, before. My eyes narrowed and I set my jaw as my heart throbbed with an unfamiliar feeling. I honestly couldn't believe this shit.

People were still deciding my fate for me, as though it wasn't my own. It was my life. My fate. My beliefs. I needed to fight for them, to spend my life as I wanted, to live with the decisions I made no matter what it meant for my fate.

If I wasn't going to be included directly, then fuck it, once again, I would return to my roots. Stay quiet, stay down, and eavesdrop. I'd done it time and time again, staying hidden in the shadows just out of sight to be able to gather what information that I could, all for the good of a job.

I stayed just outside of the room they gathered in, listening in on their entire conversation. If I wanted to, I could have taken notes, too. But I'd never needed to in the underground, and I didn't need to now. Even as my mind absorbed the entire conversation, that night when I slipped back into bed, my mind could only focus on a few.

"As for Levi," Hange had said, "he's not fine, but he's alive. He won't be able to fight... for a while, though."

Just as I cried all evening, I cried all night until I fell asleep. Not with grief, but for the opposite. Relief. Pure, unadulterated relief. He was alive. It was more than I could have dared to hope for. All day I had clung to that tiny hope, but my mind had refused to really entertain the idea that he had been okay. So, to hear that he was, by someone else that I thought was dead...

It was too much.

My mind had raced with relief, but also the deep sadness that he was alone out in the wilderness somewhere, injured and in pain.

When I had returned to the barracks to cry, no one dared disturb me. News of Levi's supposed death had rippled through the ranks, stemming from Floch's words and those of the other Yeagerists that had been there. Knowing obviously of my relationship to him, no one approached me.

They believed I was grieving. They didn't know that I'd really received the best news I'd gotten in a while: he was alive.

Above everything else, that's all I really wanted at the end of the day, for him and Emi to be alive. Everything else would fall into place around that. I could work with whatever came around that. What happened to those two was my priority.

Mikasa hadn't returned to the barracks immediately following the meeting, but Jean had. Seeing me back in bed, hearing my quiet crying, and assuming that I was still upset over Levi's supposed death, he'd approached the bed I was on as I wept quietly. He eased himself onto the mattress next to me, then wordlessly took me into his arms.

I didn't realize that I needed the comfort so badly until now, but I appreciated it. We didn't talk, because we didn't need to. He believed he knew why I was crying, and no words needed to be expressed. I wasn't about to tell him the real reason why.

I spent my night as I'd spent my day. Crying.

And once again when my tears were dry and my energy was spent, I fell asleep. I did so unintentionally in Jean's arms, and when he was sure I was asleep he lowered me to lay on the bed, set the blanket over me as he had once before, then crossed the small space to the bed he'd been occupying to fall asleep himself.

—

The airship hadn't exactly been warm, but it was a far cry from the frigid air we returned to in the dead of night. When Paradis' gloomy mass appeared on the horizon, we all heaved a collective sigh of relief - we were home.

Once on familiar soil, we would all feel safer. For most, they would be ordered to help with cleanup, with inventory, with the preparations of the retrieved corpses for their final resting places.

For Levi and myself, though, on account of Emi... Hange was allowing us to go home.

And thank goodness, too.

The uniform was tight, its fabric snug against my body. It wasn't altogether uncomfortable, but it was starting to weigh down on me, now. Or maybe that was just the effects of the battle we'd just fought.

When the zeppelin lowered to the ground, I was among one of the first to depart the ship. I helped unload the cargo and escorted injured soldiers to the infirmary, and otherwise kept myself busy as everyone else bustled around.

I did, however, come back to watch Zeke get hauled off the ship, and I watched closely as we did. As the recruits stood at his sides, ensuring no one could touch him - not least of all being Eren - they slowed to a stop once they saw me, and the look on my face, silently commanding them to stop when I did little more than cross my arms over my chest and look at the leading scout, a rifle in his hands and his eyes steely.

The recruits stopped, and so did Zeke. I could feel the distinct weight of his eyes settle on me, and I met his gaze resolutely. I could also feel the far more comforting weight of Levi watching us closely - likely to ensure I was safe, and that he wouldn't try anything, but so too because he likely was wondering what his wife might have to say to his most hated enemy.

"Captain," Zeke greeted cheerfully. "I'm sure you're happy to be home."

"Very," I responded simply. "And I'm sure you're thrilled to be back on Paradis."

"More than you could ever know," he said, and at that, one of my eyebrows arched upwards.

"I mean nothing by it, captain," he said, and if he had his hands, surely he'd be waving one rather flippantly. "Don't mind me. I only mean that this island of yours features plenty of unique geographical features. Rivers and lush grasslands so close to a desert, that flows right into your rocky coastal beaches, with enough room for a mountain range or two - it's incredible. Such incredible geodiversity, it's a true marvel. And I hear there's a particular forest of trees larger than imaginable..."

I blinked, then set my hip to one side. "Are you finished?"

"Yes, captain."

"Good," I said. "Listen here, Zeke. I want you to know something. The way you talk to and about my husband is not something I appreciate."

"Noted."

"The fact you tried killing him once is unforgivable," I told him. "Though it doesn't matter how close you came to killing him, or how close you think you came to getting him, because your attempt at it alone is enough for me to kill you myself, right here. If you think of harming another hair on his head, expect that I will deal the same pain to you, tenfold."

"I appreciate your restraint."

"I'm sure." I gestured with a movement of my head for the soldiers to get going and with them, Zeke. "Of course, none of that takes into account what I'll do if you look at me wrong. Be sure to keep that in mind during your stay."

"Yes, Miss Amaya."

I started to say something more but decided against it. Before going anywhere else, I waited, knowing who was next to step off the ship.

"Eren," I said to the boy, who slowed to a stop just before me. His eyes were dead, lifeless - not at all his own. "Welcome home."

He said nothing. He only continued on.

Doing what I could to ignore him and his attitude, I got right back into doing literally anything else - helping her, assisting him, telling them what to do instead of standing there uselessly.

I could not be there when Sasha was unloaded. Or... her body, anyway, for her soul had gone to rest already. She had already left this world. But the body she left behind... cold, lifeless, not at all like the jubilant girl I'd grown to care for.

It never got easier.

I thought that maybe after losing so many comrades, so many comrades so important to me, and so many friends and family too, that it might have gotten easier, but no. It only got harder.

When everything seemed to be relatively taken care of, I met back up with Levi and together, we took to the stables. We greeted our horses, and after having been well cared for by the staff remaining here, and they were absolutely raring to go. They wanted to run.

And we... wanted to go home.

So, we saddled them up, mounted, and took off into the night. We stopped only to grant the charges rest, and to allow them water and food. We did not stop to rest, ourselves. We both knew damn well that neither of us would be able to.

When we returned home, we argued. And after that, the very next day, during our continued silence...

—

And once again when my tears were dry and my energy was spent, I fell asleep. I did so unintentionally in Jean's arms, and when he was sure I was asleep he lowered me to lay on the bed, set the blanket over me as he had once before, then crossed the small space to the bed he'd been occupying to fall asleep himself.

...But that was last night.

This morning, we were up bright and early, and despite my heavy limbs, heavy head, and heavier heart, I managed to get out of bed. Their plan was apparently happening today. Today, the so-called Alliance was making its move. It'd be happening today, during the public trial and execution of Yelena and Onyankopon.

As I got dressed, I sighed when I realized that today would be yet another long ass day. I got into the same dark slacks and the lighter shirt that Reyes had bought for me, having been washed the other day.

It'd been done quickly enough after the battle so that nothing had stained the clothes, so it was as though I had something pure and clean, anyway. I didn't exactly have time to go home for a change of clothes, and I'd left my actual uniform clothes I'd been wearing before changing into these with Reyes in that hotel room, and so I'd taken to using donated clothes from other soldiers, just until I'd gotten these washed.

And now I had, so here I was. Not the best uniform exactly, but it would do for now.

Before leaving the base, I stopped by the armory, getting into my borrowed belts and gear - once again, from Reyes - and put my jacket on over that. When I left, there was a defined urgency in my gait as I walked through the halls and outside, because maybe today I would get to see Levi.

It'd been so long, now. I could go and make sure he was okay, and... try to save the world without losing anyone else. I sure had my work cut out for me. But to get to that point, I needed to find him.

At least the tremors of the Rumbling were over now, finally. I'd spent all night mulling over the plan that Hange had conjured up with the Cart Titan – no, Pieck Finger - Theo Magath, and the kids, so I got little sleep because there was just too much to think about.

But thankfully today I didn't need to think too much, because I had a clear direction and a goal in mind: join up with the Alliance, by any means necessary.

Hange needed help. She'd refused to tell me about the plan, which was frustrating enough, but she'd also refused to tell me about Levi. The hesitancy in her voice last night talking to Jean and Mikasa about it... she knew what had happened. But she didn't – or maybe couldn't – tell me. Hell, she didn't even bother to seek me out like she had with the kids. Regardless, I'd been prepared for this kind of hell-scape, and so I'd prepared for acting on what I wanted.

I was done standing by.

I loved my baby girl to death, and I wanted to be with her, but I trusted Reyes and Historia too, who had promised to look after her. She'd be safe there. I could no longer stand idly by while everyone else fought for what they believed in.

I was through standing on the side, not fighting for what I believed in. This was my way of throwing myself back into the fight. I'd worked tirelessly for years, devoting my life to the Survey Corps once before. It was time I did it again, and it was time everyone else realized that I was joining the fight whether they wanted me to or not. I'd been a stowaway on the airship to Liberio, and now, it appeared my career as a stowaway was to continue.

I slipped into the crowd that had already formed, seeing Floch and Jean and some other Yeagerists standing on the steps of the military base for a brief greeting to their loyal followers. I stayed still towards the back, knowing that Jean would be able to pick me out right away. I didn't think that he'd be so stupid as to jeopardize Hange's plan, but he'd do his best to keep me away. I wasn't about to let that happen. I had to remain close enough so I could join in whatever they were up to. I was not about to be left behind.

"The Eldian Empire has been persecuted by the world for over 100 years!" Floch yelled out. "Lived under the threat of the titans throughout! However, that's over!" He stood there so proudly, it made me sick. "We are already free! The liberators, Eren, and the Yeagerists have triumphed over the world!"

Looking through the crowd cheering, I could pick Mikasa out by a wall. She hadn't seen me yet. Good. Not that I thought she'd stop me, even if she had. Only Jean would be stupid enough to try.

"Dedicate your hearts!"

"Dedicate your hearts!"

How dare they-

Before I could speak out, I bit my tongue. That little piece of shit. Sure, that line had been used by every Scout commander that had ever walked, but Erwin had brought it to life. He was the very embodiment of the phrase. He was an inspiration to everyone. Just hearing the words again sent ripples of nostalgia through my body, memories of Erwin's speeches and just Erwin being alive popping up in my mind. A rush of emotion filled me, but I forced it all to the back of my mind, because Erwin wasn't alive, and he wasn't the one speaking right now.

Floch was a pirate, stealing Erwin's line and recycling his old speeches in hopes of inspiring people the same way. It wouldn't work on me. It didn't look like it was working on Jean, either. But the crowd was eating it up, the odd mix of soldiers from other regiments now turned Yeagerists, and citizens.

Floch's "rousing" little speech was merely a precursor for what was to come. The crowd was raring to go, to see the volunteers get executed for something that had been out of their hands. Sure, Yelena was a piece of shit. But even she was fighting for what she believed in. I also did not think that she deserved to be executed for that.

After Floch's time stroking his ego, there was a break before the trial was to begin. Goodness, that was just a circle jerk, wasn't it? Damn boy was on a power trip. Before the trial, people went off to get food and drink, and I stuck to Jean's side as we went to the mess hall. We made light talk, nothing of value.

I spoke nothing of the plan. Neither did he, of course. He thought me ignorant - and so he would remain. But when we parted ways once the execution was to start, he said goodbye to me as if it would be our last time seeing each other. Maybe he thought that it would be. He hugged me tightly, and thanked me for what I had done for him.

It broke my heart to hear him speak like that, like he was going to a certain death. He thanked me for becoming like a mother to him. I told him not to thank me for something like that. I'd always be there for him, for whatever he needed.

I smiled at him, letting him know that of all the kids he'd always been my favorite and that one day, he would be able to live the life that he'd dreamed of for himself. Easy, simple, and safe. I said that one day, his spouse and children could come by for dinner and the kids could play together. He said that he'd like that.

"I love you, kiddo," I'd said to him. "And I know we're going to be alright."

I wasn't saying all of that just to say it. I truly meant it. And even if I was stowing away in this fight, I meant every word that I said because at this point, we really could die at any moment and we had to be prepared for it. I certainly was.

But just knowing that maybe my sacrifice might give Jean a better chance towards that life, and Levi a better chance towards getting home safely, I would take it, a million times over.

Jean hugged me tighter then, as if reluctant to let go, and he said the words back. I hugged him back with all the love in my heart I had for the boy. When we drew away, I looked up at him with a grin. Hearkening back to when he left with the others for the battle for Shiganshina, I pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Come back safely."

And then the public trial was to begin. I stayed back for a bit, wanting to blend in and observe as much as possible. I knew roughly what was to happen, picking up on all the words said in the room. But most of what Hange had planned had been written down, likely so it could be burned and ensure that any listening ears – like mine – would be left none the wiser about what was discussed. All I knew was that it was happening here and now.

The crowd gathered in a large circle and I squeezed my way into and through the crowd, offering no apologies as I did, as the trial was getting closer to begin. I was met with some grumbles, some sneers, but no one dared speak up against me.

Seeing the name on my jacket, which I had managed to retrieve from that alley where I'd dumped it on that fateful day, they were hushed. And seeing the gear sitting against my hips, it wasn't as though they could comfortably stand near me anyway, and so they shuffled to give me some space. Because honestly, I wasn't exactly in the mood to ask for some room, here.

"Thank you for gathering here, citizens of the Empire! Now, we shall execute these two volunteers who bear a grudge against the Eldian Empire!"

I crossed my arms and felt the heavy gaze of the man I was standing next to settle on me. "You bumped into me. You better apologize, you damn bitch-" The look I sent his way had him shutting up. "What the hell is your problem?"

One of the nearby soldiers spoke up then, quietly, to the citizen. "Sir, that's Captain Amaya Ackerman. Show some respect."

The man only continued. "She bumped into me! I don't care who she is, she should-"

"Shut it," another soldier hissed. "That's not really someone you want to mess with, I don't think."

I didn't reply to her, nor did I respond to the man. I simply ignored them both. I did not have the patience for this, today. Any of it. I didn't want to see Yelena or Onyankopon be executed. Yelena... I never really trusted. But she trusted Zeke, and that I couldn't tolerate. But Onyankopon had become a dear friend of mine. I had far too few of those left. I did not want to see him die today. But what the hell was I supposed to do?

I'd informally sworn myself to the Yeagerists, to Floch. I couldn't very well defy something they were doing, not without encountering resistance. If I did, it was a sure thing that I'd be tossed into a cell, though I'm sure they'd have no hesitation in doing much worse to me.

That's why I was hesitant to be here, to watch. The longer I watched, the more my damn heart would bleed, the worse I would feel, and the more I would be compelled to act. That would be a surefire way to get me detained.

I couldn't do anything to keep him from being executed. But maybe just seeing a familiar face, a kind one, hopefully one that he'd want to see, would reassure him as he approached his death. Despite all of that, however, despite me not wanting to see Onyankopon die, yet me not wanting to sacrifice my position with the Yeagerists just yet, there was something calling me here. I returned my attention to the center of the circle. Knelt in the center were Yelena and Onyankopon.

"By the same occasion," Floch continued, "we Yeagerists shall carry on Eren's will to subdue the world! This is a proclamation: the island of Paradis is now under our rule!"

People began cheering all around me, and I set my jaw to keep from speaking out. From where I was standing, Jean had a clear line of sight to me, but it seemed that he hadn't noticed me. That was, until now, as the only person not cheering and pumping my fists at Floch's words, the only unmoving element in a sea of movement.

His eyes scanned the crowd and landed on my own. His eyes widened, but only by a fraction. He hid his surprise as best he could, forcing his eyes back to the people he was supposed to execute. There was sadness behind his eyes then, as he averted his gaze.

"The name of this criminal is Yelena," Floch said, gesturing to her. "When she supported the Eldian Empire under the banner of rebellion against Marley, her real objective was to have Zeke obtain the Founder's power and enact the complete annihilation of Eldians with his euthanasia plan!"

"They're just filthy Marleyans after all!"

"Eren won against Zeke and impeded his plans, but this criminal worked as Zeke's trusted servant!" Floch cried out.

"Die, whore!"

"Hurry up and go to hell, already!"

I gripped my arms tightly. I could feel my anger simmering at their words. "Yelena! Any last words?"

"You haven't shot me yet?" Yelena asked, quietly.

"Shoot!"

"People from that continent can go to hell!"

"Shoot!"

"It makes no difference to us, Subjects of Ymir!"

"The only ones who'll be left are the people carrying Ymir's blood!"

"Shoot!"

"I'm not shooting yet," Floch snapped. "This criminal's name is Onyankopon! This one worked to support Eldia without knowing about the euthanasia plan! However! He spat out that he'd rather choose death over living under the rule of the Eldian Empire! If you changed your mind, now's the time to-"

Onyankopon laughed suddenly, seemingly delirious. I looked at him concernedly for the sudden hysterics. "I lent my strength to Eldia in order to rescue my homeland from Marley! But it was also for the sake of you all! And that's what I get as a result... my homeland being crushed, and my family massacred! Well then? All that's left are lousy chauvinistic bastards!"

He laughed again, all but crying through his barked laughter. "There's no value in sucking up to you lot! You should know how absurd it is to get indiscriminately killed without warning, right? Why don't you guys understand? Don't just keep your mouth shut! Say something! Jean!"

"Jean," I breathed out, as he lifted his gun. Jean shot once, then twice, and... four times total. My hand flew to my mouth and I gained the confused attention of those around me.

"Hey," Floch said, surprised.

"Damn," Jean muttered, "I missed."

I let out a relieved breath, but it immediately caught in my throat. Four fired shots, loud, consecutive... It was a signal. The signal I was waiting for. I looked around wildly and took a tentative step out into the center of the circle.

"You," Floch hissed to Jean, "what are you trying to pull?" Then I heard commotion, and then I saw it. The Cart Titan was tearing through the crowd. Shit. Shit! Pieck came closer, confused screams crying out everywhere. Was this the plan?!

"Floch!" Jean cried, pushing him out of the way. By the time he was crouched down by Yelena and Onyankopon, I was there too, darting forward and joining the huddle. "Amaya, no!" I joined the group just as Pieck reached us. Her jaws closed around us, but there was no chewing, no swallowing. She was holding us in her mouth. Holy. Shit.

I grabbed onto one of her teeth to keep from jostling around as I gained my bearings. It was dark in her mouth, the only light coming in being that which would stream in between small gaps in her teeth as she ran.

I just leapt into the jaws of a Titan. I just... I had... the jaws of a Titan?!

Oh, but I knew it! I knew that it was part of the plan, I knew it!

Those shots had been way too obvious. Jean pushing Floch out of the way was too obvious. The way he yelled Floch's name was too forced to be a real concern. He just needed him out of the way so he wouldn't be accidentally picked up as well.

"Captain," Jean hissed, holding one of her canines. "What are you – how did you – why?"

"You thought I'd miss this," I said to him. "I thought you knew me better than that, Jean. Did all those hours working on paperwork with me mean nothing to you?"

"Now is not the time for jokes," he said. His eyes were wide, a concerned knit in his brow. "Where is Emiko?"

"She's with Historia and my friend," I told him. "She's safe."

"But you're not," he said, "and neither is Levi. Why are you here?"

"I've missed enough of the fight," I said. "You are going to need all the strength you can get if you want to stop Eren. And fortunately for you, I was once Humanity's Second Strongest, second only to my idiot husband who Hange refused to tell me about."

"Amaya, what if you... and Levi, if he..."

"I have no intention of dying, Jean," I said. "And believe it or not, I want to see for myself if Levi is dead or gravely injured. It's obvious he's one or the other, because if he were perfectly fine, she'd have told me. But she didn't. She didn't even come talk to me, to let me know that she was alright. I was worried fucking sick for her. And all of you deliberately kept me out of this plan – again!"

"Captain, you're too reckless," he said.

"No, Jean," I said with a shake of my head, my grip loosening slightly on her tooth. I readjusted before meeting his eyes determinedly. "I'm a Scout. We're all crazy. You know this."

"But damn it, we're not all making it out of this! You have to know that, right?"

"Of course," I said. "But I'm being selfish." I sighed. "The last time you... The last time the Scouts went on a mission without me, all but nine died. I'm refusing to let that happen again. And you know you need as many bodies as you can get."

"Captain," he said quietly, relenting. He sighed and nodded. "Hange's gonna kill you."

I smiled. "I'm counting on it."

—

After what felt like hours in Pieck's large Titan mouth, the jostling and bouncing and humidity and uncomfortable positioning becoming almost unbearable, she at long, long last slowed to a stop.

"I think this is our stop," Jean said. "Everyone, get ready to-"

We were given exactly no time to get ready as the mouth opened, and we all slid out of her mouth and into a shallow body of water. With the sudden change, I found the water absolutely freezing as I hacked up the water that I'd swallowed upon falling in. I was soaked already from the saliva and warm breath, but the warmth was replaced by the freezing cold of the pocket of water and I shivered as I got to my hands and knees.

"I'm not getting inside a Titan's mouth ever again," Jean muttered.

"I can't say I wondered what it was like to be in one," I said once I caught my breath.

Behind me, I could hear Hange. "The Cart can maintain its Titan form for several months, right?" The Commander asked. "Don't you brush your teeth or anything?" I turned my head, and there she was. Pieck, still in her titan, was crouched in front of her, resting from her run.

"That's a pretty rude thing to ask a woman," Pieck said, her Titan voice deep and wavering.

"When did you join forces with Marley?" Onyankopon asked Jean.

"Last night," he answered. I tuned out their conversation as I stood up, turning around to face Hange. She finally turned, and her jaw dropped.

"Amaya," she said breathlessly, as if she'd been punched in the gut. "What are you...?"

I reached behind me to wring my hair out, keeping my eyes on her. "Where is my husband?" I asked slowly, pronouncing each syllable clearly, precisely.

Hange stood like a deer caught by a hunter. The Cart Titan eyed me from behind Hange. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Magath approaching, one of the heads of the Marleyan military. He was an intimidating man, probably around our age, hardened from war as we were. But he wasn't who I was looking for.

"You shouldn't be here," Hange said, taking a step towards me.

"You shouldn't have kept me in the dark," I said. "Where is he?"

With a sigh, she pointed off to her right, and my eyes followed in that direction. A few feet behind Magath was standing, there was a hitched horse attached to what looked like a makeshift gurney made of broken, splintered cart parts and two barely functioning wheels. And there, sitting on top, sat Levi.

My Levi.

After over a month of not seeing him, I found myself suddenly unable to move my limbs because my mind could barely register that he was there in front of me. My heart leapt into my throat at the sight of him. I was equal parts relieved and terrified because he was sitting up, but he was bandaged so heavily. Still, I ran to him, sliding to my knees in the dirt at his side.

"Levi," I breathed out, reaching for him.

But as my eyes trailed over him, I wasn't quite sure where to touch, despite wanting to so badly. There didn't seem to be a single part of him that wasn't bandaged on his body. Tears welled up in my eyes at just the sight of him like this. Just what had happened to him?

Levi seemed to make up his mind while mine was still reeling, going a million leagues a second. But it all came to a stop when he took my hand in his. He was warm. I wasn't sure what I was expecting. Maybe I thought he'd be cold, like a corpse? No, but he wasn't a corpse. He was alive. And that was good enough for me.

I grasped his left hand, the closer one, gently in my own, not wanting to hurt him. My eyes rose until they met his, the only one I could see. His head was bandaged all the way around, his hair spilling out around the bandages unceremoniously. The only part left uncovered on his face was that of his left cheek, and his left eye, and just the top of his nose bridge. I reached up with my right hand and trailed it gently down his left cheek, what little skin I could reach. He closed his eyes briefly at my touch and my lip quivered as the tears threatened to fall.

"You're filthy," he said quietly, voice muffled by the bandages, once he opened his eyes - er, eye - again. His words brought a smile to my face and I nodded with watery eyes. Somehow, it was able to make me feel so much better. Despite everything, he still had his wit, his humor.

"I know," I said, swallowing hard as a tear rolled down my cheek. He reached out with his right hand to swipe it from my cheek but at his touch my eyes widened. I gingerly caught his hand in mine and looked down at it. He was missing two fingers – his middle and forefinger.

Was there any part of him left unscathed? I supposed that didn't matter now. My love was here, and alive, and dammit, that was all I needed.

I shifted to sit next to him on the cart and leaned closer to him to press my forehead to his as gently as I could. My eyes closed instinctually, focusing only on him being here with me. I brought both my hands to his chest, feeling the strong pounding of his heart within. He trailed his fingers down my cheeks, his hands shaky yet soft as they ran over my skin.

I'd never seen him so weak, so shaken. I didn't think I'd ever see him like this. I didn't think that he could even end up like this. And yet, for as fragile as he seemed now, well... He was still fighting. I always knew he was strong; it was never a question in my mind. But to survive these injuries, it seemed almost like too much to ask.

...But that great big heart of his was still pounding. It didn't matter if he had ten fingers or one, or if he only could see out of one eye. He was alive. And that was all that I needed.

"Look at you," I said with a smile, "still alive, just like I told you to."

"I couldn't disobey a direct order," he said, voice quiet and raspy.

"Oh," I teased, "what are you, a model soldier all of a sudden?"

"Depends on who's in command," Levi said. I smiled at his words, at his gentle teasing, and without even thinking I leaned close to kiss him, but I stopped just short. The bandages...

I glanced up into his uninjured eye. "Can I kiss you?"

"I'm not sure if I can," he said, but closed the distance between us anyway.

He couldn't move his lips very much at all, which was why he wasn't talking much, but I didn't mind. I kissed him gently, the bandages rough and patchy against my lips. I pulled away and despite the tiredness in his eye, I could see the faint twinkle of mischief and so much love.

"That might be one of our worst kisses yet," I laughed, wiping a stray tear from my eye.

"Here I was, thinking it was one of our better ones," he said. "Where's Emi?"

"With Historia and Reyes," I told him, "in the capital. She's safe."

"Good." He looked down then, taking his left hand from mine and holding it up. It was the hand that still had all its fingers, his left side not being nearly as damaged as his right.

He showed off the ring and struggled to use his other hand to pull it off. I got the hint and did it for him, gingerly pulling the ring off only enough to see underneath it.

After the first few months of wearing the ring there had been a defined tan line, despite how pale he'd always been. But the metal was singed now, burn marks on the skin surrounding where the ring always sat. I twisted it around his finger gently, noticing a thin crack surrounded by smaller scratches piercing the band.

I tutted quietly, sliding it back snug on his finger. "Just another thing to kick Zeke's ass for," I said.

"You're not upset," he said, the tone revealing his surprise.

"Upset," I repeated. "No, Levi, of course not." I took his face delicately into my hands, my touch feather light. "Your life is worth far more to me than a ring," I told him. I smiled at him, hoping to reassure him. "The ring is old. It'll have some wear and tear. It'll probably get more. But you still being alive means so much more to me, my love."

I heard footsteps behind me, and I turned my head to see Hange.

"Thank you," I said to her, my hands dropping from his face to his lap, "for taking care of him."

"Don't thank me for something like that," she said. "We're gonna head out soon, find somewhere safe to camp for the night."

"Okay," I said. Levi blinked slowly before beginning to lower himself to his back to get some rest. I helped him, and when he was settled, I twisted to look up at Hange. "What happened to him?" I asked quietly, momentarily distracted when his closer hand started reaching for mine.

Glancing into his eye, I noticed that it was open, searching for my hand in a lazy sort of way. I grasped his hand, a silent assurance that I was still here. Satisfied, he allowed his eye to close and I directed my gaze back to Hange.

"From what he told me," she said, "Zeke turned everyone who drank the wine into Titans. It contained his spinal fluid."

"Holy shit," I muttered. "All thirty of them?"

"Every single one," she confirmed. She set her hands on her hips. "Levi killed them, made it to Zeke, beat him again, tied him up, and... Well, Levi figured he'd tie him up with the threat of a Thunder Spear in his chest. He didn't anticipate that the bastard was suicidal." She sighed. "I found him face-down. I thought he was dead at first. But... as an Ackerman, apparently it'll take much more than a Thunder Spear to kill him." We both looked down at him, already asleep. "I should've told you, but..."

"I can't say I understand why you didn't," I said, "but you know I couldn't stay away from the fight. Not now. We're so close."

"Somehow, I knew you'd find a way of showing up here," she said with a smile. She met my eyes. "You have a way of showing up where you're not expected. You'd think I'd anticipate it by now."

"It's one of my many talents," I shrugged. "It's selfish. But I didn't want to sit on the side anymore, you know?"

"I get it," she said. "I don't blame you. I'm just... I'm sorry."

"It's alright," I said. "Just know that I'm here now. I'm at your disposal, Commander."

"We're going to wait for the others to arrive," Hange said, "and then we'll find a safer spot to set up camp."

Before she could walk away, I called out to her. She stopped in her tracks, turning to look back at me. "I'm glad you're okay," I said with a smile.

Hange managed to smile back. "Me too," she said. "We'll get out of this, right?"

"We always do."

When she walked away again, I returned my attention to Levi. His grip on my hand had loosened slightly, meaning that he'd fallen asleep. I leaned forward as I sat beside him, running the fingers of my free hand through his hair gently.

I figured I'd have to get up and introduce myself to Magath and Pieck eventually, but right now, all I could care about was the man sleeping before me. Zeke had nearly killed himself as a last resort to kill Levi. And it hadn't worked.

I lowered my head to lay against his chest lightly. I closed my eyes, keeping my gentle grip on his hand with one of my own while the other traced delicate lines against his chest.

I listened to the sound of his breathing; the fact that his lungs were even taking in great breaths of air after all of this was nothing short of a miracle. That fact that his injuries had avoided one eye, and one complete hand, and all of his major organs, was a miracle in and of itself.

This wasn't how I expected to find him, but I was perfectly content to just sit here like this. Because this was all I'd wanted these past few days: to just see that he was alive. And more than to just see it, I needed to feel it, to ensure for myself that he was alive, that his great big heart was still beating after everything that happened to him.

There were tears in my eyes again, but I was just so relieved. It'd been so damn difficult without him here; I had no idea what I was doing half the time. Without his input, his advice, I'd been so afraid. He was my husband, yes, but he was also my best friend, my most trusted confidant, my partner in love and in life. To go from always having that partner, to that partner not being around at all was such a drastic change that I didn't know what to do with myself.

But Levi was here. That was indisputable. It was a fact, one that I could prove for myself in the way that I could feel his heartbeat pound in his chest, the way his chest rose and fell with his breathing, the feather-light hold he had on my hand.

This... all of it... was almost too much to ask for. I stayed by his side as he slept, ready to soothe him should he have a nightmare. The way he'd clung to my hand hinted that he might just have one. It'd been almost desperate, as if he'd longed for me as much as I had for him.

I wasn't sure how much time passed before the rest of the Alliance joined us, and what a cast of characters we had. Already, we had Magath, Pieck, Hange, Levi, and me. Then we had the kids Mikasa, Armin, Connie, and Jean. Yelena and Onyankopon were with us, along with Reiner, Annie, Gabi, and Falco.

We moved further into the forest and set up for camp as a group. I helped start a fire in the center of a clearing and everyone gathered around it, some sitting, and some standing. Hange began to prepare a stew for us as the awkward silence between us all simmered.

It seemed that no one was really in a talkative mood tonight. I knew that I certainly wasn't. I was content to just sit where I was next to Levi as he rested. He needed the rest. Just looking at him made it easy to realize how exhausted he really was, and rightfully so.

His face and body were broken, but he was still alive. I wanted to hear what happened to him from him, but I wasn't about to wake him up so I could ask. That would come with time. For now, his body needed to rest, to heal.

So, I sat by his side, the fingers of one hand sifting through his hair, the other hand holding his. My eyes trailed over him, taking in his bandaged form. I was going to clean his wounds once he woke up. I wasn't sure if I was quite ready to see his injuries, but I would need to eventually.

It wasn't that he would be unsightly or any less handsome, I just wasn't sure if I could handle seeing just how injured that he was. I knew it was bad. He probably wouldn't be able to fight for a long, long time, though I knew that he wouldn't be afraid to try.

I was always terribly fussy over him when he even got so much as a cut. And with his injuries now... He'd survived an explosion, for goddesses' sake. He was just so strong. It was a miracle that he was even alive.

We were at war, so I was stupid to think for even a second that we would get out of this unscathed, but I'd always held hope that he would. He'd gone through so much already. He shouldn't have to go through this, too.

However, this was our cruel reality. It'd always been something we'd had to deal with. It was just on a larger scale, now. I knew this, and yet...

All I wanted to do was go home.

Though even that wasn't safe.

It was as I learned as a child: home was not always safe. My grandmother had said that to me. Our home had not been safe for me. But it had led me to El, the man who cared for me so kindly.

So maybe this, though selfish to think, maybe all of this... would lead us to something kind, something caring, something loving.

I could do little more than hope, so hope I did, as I gazed lovingly at the man who had gone through so much, but was alive - just as I had asked, so long ago.

We were home when together - and here, I was safe. So perhaps I already was home, and perhaps when we could go pick Emi up... maybe then, we might truly be safe. For good.

I could do little more than hope. So that's exactly what I did.