"Levi, my love," I called, buttoning my sweater as I walked through the house. "Are you almost ready?"

I slowed in my step, still answerless as I found myself in an empty living room. Emi was toddling on behind me, her toy horse in hand as she pretended to ride it. She was hopping along cutely, a happy little song escaping her.

"Where are you?"

"The office," I heard from that direction.

"Come on, Emi," I said, reaching for her with one hand. "Always waiting on daddy to get ready, aren't we?"

Emi grabbed two of my fingers in her hand and ran alongside me as we walked to the office. The door was already open, and Levi was standing beside the desk, a manila folder in one hand. His brow was furrowed with concentration as his other hand skimmed through the documents in it.

"What's that, Levi?"

His eyes darted up to look at me. They lowered to see that I was dressed and ready, as was Emi, who let go of me to run to her father.

"Are we ready, then?" He asked, ignoring my question. He was dressed too, and certainly looked handsome, but I was too curious about the contents of the file - which he now dropped back onto the desk - to really appreciate it, let alone comment on it.

"Mm-hm," I hummed, slightly skeptical of his lack of an answer.

He lifted Emi up, pressing a kiss to her cheek. He breezed towards me then, still in the doorway. He paused only to set a hand under my chin to keep me still as he leaned in to kiss my cheek as well. He left the room and I glanced back over to the desk. Curiosity pulled me towards it, but I resisted, closing the office door behind me with a sigh as I followed him to the backdoor.

Today we were off to Reyes' home for his retirement party. After getting reassigned to the surface, he'd continued to work in the Military Policeman offices, doing light work and easy patrols. But just recently, he'd retired. His old age was catching up to him, and he wanted to just relax and enjoy being with his family in Trost.

With Levi and I traveling routinely now between the coast and base, sometimes Levi going alone to the coast so that Emi wouldn't get too stressed out with the burden of traveling so much and so often, it really was lucky timing that we were here when Reyes scheduled the party.

I grabbed the present we'd gotten for him, which was a simple cookbook because he'd expressed his interest in learning how to make better meals for his family now that he was going to be home more often. I met with my two loves at the door, slipped my boots on, and when we were all ready, we headed out, tacked the horses, and were on our way to Trost.

We hitched the horses at a communal post down the road from where Reyes actually lived. The walk to his house was quiet, Emi walking between us with one hand held by each of us. The birds overhead twittered to each other as they flitted from tree to tree.

When we reached the house, Levi tugged the gate open and allowed us to head in first. I knocked on the door, waiting patiently for someone to answer. When the door opened, I was greeted by Reyes himself, a broad smile on his face upon seeing us.

"Ah, hello Ackerman family!"

He let us in, and soon enough his entire family was swarming us, all his kids and even his wife fighting to be the first to give each of us hugs. Emi and I accepted their loving greetings with joy, while Levi was a lot more reluctant and settled on shaking everyone's hands, including the kids. We were the first ones there, but it wasn't like he invited the whole city. Essentially, there were only some other family members of his and some of his closet co-workers.

He even said that Masie would be here too, if I'd heard him correctly. That I was excited for, at least. It'd been a long, long, long time since I'd even thought about her, let alone seen her. All the same, I hoped she was doing well.

As we waited for everyone else to arrive, I caught up with Reyes' wife at the dining table as Emi ran around with the older kids. Levi situated himself behind my chair, perhaps a bit too awkward to make himself completely at home in someone else's house. Reyes milled around, making last-minute adjustments because we were just a bit early.

I had something important I wanted to discuss with Reyes, but I figured it could wait until after the party or at least during a lull. Right now, he was extremely dedicated to tying back the curtains to all the windows just right and I didn't want to interrupt that. I was also not quite sure how exactly I would bring it up, either.

Eventually, the small party was in full swing, and I found myself dragged into a conversation with a few officers who had recognized Levi and I from all the business the Scouts had found ourselves in since we'd taken Eren in. Their words were kind, but there were a few odd comments regarding the volunteers and whether the amount of lost lives was worth it.

Occasionally I peeked outside, my heart warming at the sight of Emi playing with the other kids. Growing up practically on a military base, there was only so much we could do regarding socialization that wasn't with soldiers. That was why I was so grateful for Reyes and his family offering so kindly to watch her and to have us over for dinner so often.

Whereas Reyes saw it as a chance to make up for his mistakes in my youth, I simply saw it as a way for Emi to have fun with other kids until she started school and could see kids her age regularly. For the most part, the party was rather uneventful, simple chatter and stories filling the room as groups of people mingled.

Levi stuck to my side, a gentle hand on my waist nearly the entire time as we stood in the living room, talking to whoever approached us. Drinks went around, but we two responsible parents refused each time they were offered.

Seeing Reyes enter the house with one of his younger children who was wailing her head off, I excused myself from Levi's side and followed him, promising to be back in just a few minutes. Levi nodded and watched me go before returning his attention to the officer currently talking to him.

"Reyes," I called gently, catching his attention as he headed down the quiet hallway towards the bedrooms. He slowed to a stop, bouncing his little girl in his arms to soothe her.

"What do you need, girlie?"

"Can I talk with you for a minute?"

"Of course," he said, gesturing with his head for me to follow along. "I think this one here needs a few quiet minutes with her old man, anyway. Isn't that right?"

The girl, with a pout in her lip, nodded as she leaned against her father's chest. He led me into one of the kids' bedrooms, this one obviously his daughters'. He sat down on the edge of one of the beds covered with pale pink sheets. The little girl, quieter now, sniffled as she held her dad close and I sat down gently on one of the beds across from hers.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Well," I started, unsure of how exactly to start. "I'm sure you've heard about what's going on at the coast, right?"

"Right," he said with a nod. "You scouts put those volunteers right to work, right?"

"Yes," I admitted. "And the work they've done so far is exciting. There's been a lot of progress. But," I said, fighting back a sigh, "with these advancements, well, it's risky." Reyes listened attentively as he rocked back and forth slightly, the girl sitting in his lap calming down. "There's a lot of people that don't want us to succeed. Other nations, I mean, and that includes Marley."

"I've heard the rumors," he said. "They're saying we may be at war soon if we're not careful."

"That's what I came to talk to you about, actually," I said, meeting his eyes resolutely. "When it comes, because I'm nearly certain it will, I know that Levi will be called back into the fighting."

"He's Humanity's Strongest Soldier, right?" Reyes asked. "He didn't get that nickname for no reason. Against threats like that, we'll need him."

"Of course," I laughed gently, referring to the nickname. I quickly sobered up, though, wondering how best to articulate my next few thoughts. "And so you know what they call me, then?"

"Our Blue Wing? Right under your husband in terms of strength, right?"

"So they say," I affirmed.

"Well, I know how strong you are," Reyes said, "so if he's stronger, then I'm sure he has nothing to worry about."

Ah, it was just as I figured. He thought only Levi would be called back into active duty. We were still active soldiers, but there was no fighting to be had right now. But when it comes, which I am sure it would...

"I think there very much is a reason to worry, Reyes," I said gently. "These global powers are far more advanced than we are, in technical prowess and military strength."

"Even with the special blood you mentioned?"

Again - he was talking about Levi. Only Levi.

"Even so," I said. "As such, I think I'll be pulled into the fighting, too."

"What?" Reyes asked, concern clearly written in his features. "You're a mother, you can't-"

"And Levi is a father," I interjected. "There are only so many scouts right now. You know damn well that in battle, experience is greater than natural talent. You can be the best soldier in your graduating class, but it won't mean a thing if you freeze up in battle. And I've got a lot of experience."

"Right, but... your commander surely won't call you back into action?"

"Even if I'm not called in," I continued, "I'm going to join the fight regardless. Our enemies will be human, Reyes. And unfortunately, you know that I'm good at fighting people."

"Sure, but you've got Emiko to think about," he protested. "Who's going to watch her? And – And, if you both die? Or if you die? Amaya, think this through."

"I have," I said. "They're going to need me, Reyes. And the last time..." I took a deep breath in, steeling my nerves to get out what I needed to. "The last time the scouts went off without me, everybody died except for nine soldiers. I don't know if I'd have been any help if I went - if I wasn't pregnant, I mean. Hell, I might've been one of the many that passed. But I can't help but feel useless. If they go off again without me, I don't think I can live with myself if they all die. They're my family, Reyes."

"Your daughter is your family too," he snapped. "Don't you dare forget about her!"

"Reyes," I said lowly, "are you questioning my love for my daughter?"

"No," he answered simply. "Just your priorities."

"My priority is my family," I clarified for him. "Allow me to be crystal clear about that. As such, I need to ensure their safety. I love my daughter, and I love my husband, much more than life itself. But I also love my subordinates, and I cannot stand by again while those kids I trained and love like children of my own fight for their lives against enemies that can kill them so easily. They're no lightweights, but I don't want to see them killed when I could be there protecting them."

The silence hung heavy on the air. The tension was thick and palpable, and I searched his eyes for something, anything other than disappointment. There was something else in his eyes, but I couldn't tell what it was, and it nearly broke my heart.

"I..." I swallowed my nerves down. "I also love this world. I can't see it destroyed by war, not before I see it. And I can't stand to just... hear about what happens. How am I supposed to be a leader if I'm not there to lead? And besides all that, I want to be there to make sure that Levi makes it back safely. More than anyone, I can't... I can't lose him. Not being there with him in battle is torture, Reyes. Ask your wife, I'm sure she knows." I sighed, my shoulders slumping. "I'm a fighter, Reyes, I always have been. I can't stay back this time. I won't be able to bear it."

"Is this a pride thing? Some kind of inferiority complex?"

"No," I said quietly. I met his eyes even as tears brimmed in my own. "I love Emi and Levi so much. That's why I cannot stand by while Levi is risking our lives for us. This is my homeland, too. I can't allow people to destroy it, not while we still live here. And how could I ever face my daughter if I allow her father to run off and die alone? How can I raise her to be strong, when her mother is so weak? And... how can I dare complain about the state of the world she grows up in, if I do not fight for it?"

"You've done enough for humanity," he said. "I've read the reports. You've killed so many Titans, and I've heard what you'd done during the coup, risking yourselves for those kids and taking out members of the Interior Squad. Isn't that good enough? You've developed gear improvements, produced new plans, lined up new training regimes. You've trained soldiers, especially the ones of your own squad, under your own care. Is that not enough?"

I shook my head. "There's still more left to be done. I made a choice years ago to dedicate myself to this. I will not go back on that vow."

"Amaya, I..."

"All I ask is that you watch her while we're fighting. I don't mean to push her on you or anything, I just... While we're away, I would like someone she knows and trusts to just watch her until we return. Because we both will return, I swear it. I don't know when war will come, or if it'll be here or abroad, but it will come. Please, Reyes."

"Why me?"

"You're the only one I would trust to," I answered easily. "You have kids of your own and you visit all the time. I know that if she were with you, I could rest easy knowing she's safe."

The room was silent as he considered it. "Alright," he finally said. "I'll do it. But don't you dare die."

I smiled with watery eyes and a grateful nod. "I won't. I promise."

—

It was evening by the time we returned home. Emiko was all tuckered out as a result of the playing she was doing all day with the other kids. I yawned too, nearly as soon as we were all back in the house.

There was plenty of food at the party, so we weren't hungry, which was probably better off considering how tired we all were. I was contemplating just taking a warm bath, but before I could even bring Emi into the nursery to change her, Levi called for me from the other room.

"Yes, love," I responded, loud enough for him to hear. "Do you need something?"

"Do you have a minute?"

"Of course," I answered. "Is something the matter?"

"Just go sit down on the couch," he instructed. "I'll be right in."

"Okay," I said quietly, returning to the living room.

I perched gently on the couch, trying to get comfortable despite the slight worry settling into my stomach. Emi leaned back against my chest, her hands playing with my fingers as I held her close. It didn't take long for Levi to enter the living room, with that same folder in his hands that he was reviewing earlier.

He wasted no time in sitting down next to me on the couch, his body a line of warmth next to me. I leaned slightly closer as he tapped his fingers against his knee, as if he were nervous.

"When we were in the capital," he began to explain, "and we went to visit El, I did some digging for myself before joining you."

"Digging?" I wasn't sure what exactly there was to dig, at least for him, at the MP base.

"Yes," he affirmed.

"About what?"

"I wasn't sure if... you'd want me to, but I thought that maybe you'd want to know." He looked down and opened the folder, revealing a small stack of reports. All of them had the Military Police insignia on the top. They were case reports if I was right. "I asked if they had your case file from when you were a kid, and... they did."

Suddenly, the weight of what he'd found had been dropped on me as he handed me the whole folder to look through. I met his gaze, noting the hesitance and slight worry in them. "My case opened when I was four," I said in disbelief. "They kept it that long?"

"It was in their archive," he replied. "Apparently, people are willing to work harder knowing they're in the presence of... me."

"And what a presence you are," I said teasingly, bumping shoulders with him as I looked back down at the reports. I looked over the reports, but it was almost like my mind refused to read the words.

"Are you nervous?" He asked, looking at me. His eyes were intense, yet almost wary as he gazed at me. "You don't need to read them if you don't want to. I just thought they'd have your family name on it if you wanted to know. I thought it would mean something to you - to know it, to know who you are."

"I don't... really know what I feel," I said. Emi reached for the papers in the folder, but Levi gently redirected her hands before taking her and setting her in his lap. "I might have family members that are still alive. Or they might all be dead. But just knowing my family name, I... I can't tell if I feel excited, or nervous, or maybe both."

I ran my fingers along the page as I read the very first report. It detailed the date that I was brought in by my grandmother. It summarized the complaint my grandmother had. My body stilled when it read over her name.

Joan.

Obviously, as a little girl, I knew her only as grandma, but I remembered something all at once: I was named after my grandmother - perhaps her middle name. It was something that I was aware of as a young child, and had told El.

"Joan," I read aloud. "My grandmother."

"Do you remember anything about her?"

"She was kind," I answered easily. "But spunky, too. Brave and fiery."

A thoughtful sort of noise passed through Levi's lips. "Must be where you get it."

"Maybe," I considered. "But other than a few stories about my family she told me... I don't know, I don't really remember too much about her, but she decided one day to bring me to see the Military Policemen. That was the last time I ever saw her."

"Why were you brought there in the first place?"

"We received a threat," I explained. "My grandmother, old as she was, felt that she couldn't protect me, so she brought me to them. "Debt collectors. We faced them before - they found me on the surface. You remember, right?"

"Yeah," he said. He looked at me with a little smirk on his lips. "It was supposed to be a fun evening out."

I let out a laugh. "Yes, well, I can't help that it happened. But I remember how you reacted, and you were so gentle with me after it."

"I could tell it had shaken you up," he muttered, looking down as he thought of it, and the smirk slipped away from his face.

"I can't blame you for how you reacted," I said, considering it. "It did shake me up. I was scared of what they might have done to me." I shrugged. "Still, you went right into protective Levi mode, so I think you made up for it." He scoffed and rolled his eyes. I continued reading the report, seeing my name at several points as well. At the bottom of the document, the soldiers involved, and my grandmother had signed.

Joan Mercia.

Now, I had to really think. My grandmother was, I believe, my paternal grandmother, and she had taken my grandfather's name. So, if my family abided by traditional rules, that meant...

Mercia.

That was my family name.

It was foreign in my mind and felt just as foreign on my tongue as I spoke it aloud for the first time. I didn't realize how quiet I was after that as I gazed over the paper, at the name that I had been born with but never aware of.

That was, not until Levi called my name gently - my first name, the one I had always known.

"Amaya," he said, "are you alright?"

"Yeah," I answered after a quiet moment, "I think so. I don't know. It's strange."

Amaya Mercia.

Is that who I was? It was my legal name, the one I was born with. But no... I grew up as Amaya Ikeda. And now, I'm Amaya Ackerman. So... Amaya Ikeda Mercia Ackerman? No, that's too much. Does it even matter now? I'm Amaya Ackerman, I took my husband's last name.

My family name was Mercia. My family was Ikeda. I sit here now as part of the Ackerman family.

Still, though, names aside... Who was I?

Who was Amaya, really?

Emiko Ackerman's loving mother.

Levi Ackerman's loving wife.

A co-captain of the Special Operations Squad. A soldier. A scout. A friend to many, unknowing enemy to some. But who was I? A soldier who could kill Titans and people, always running around on a battlefield to ensure the safety of others. Someone who had earned the nickname as "mom of the scouts" because I checked in on people even when they didn't want it.

Amaya had earned those accolades. I had. Just me. So what was in my name, really?

The possibility to find other family members, for one. Maybe I had aunts and uncles and cousins just waiting for their long-lost Amaya to visit. I'd grown up underground, but maybe some of my family resided up here, somewhere, praying that my parents would have been able to get me out of that hell. Maybe some of them had heard the stories of an Amaya in the scouts, but thought it was too good to be true. It was a long shot, but... the possibilities were enticing.

I lifted that first sheet up and tucked it under the stack. The next sheet of paper was an official report of a death. A murder, to be specific. The murder of my blood father, a Leon Mercia. The next sheet was the same, and was nearly identical to that of my father's, save for the name. Ophelia Mercia, my mother, was also murdered, and it had been on the same day as my father.

Figures.

My breath caught in my throat as I held the two sheets in front of me. I suddenly felt very tired, my bones aching in my limbs as if I'd been working for days on end only to finally collapse. Years of hoping... wasted.

"The soldier at the desk asked if I wanted to include those," Levi said quietly. "I wasn't sure if you'd want to know, but... I figured you should have that choice."

"A little late now," I sighed.

"I know. I should've warned you they were in there, but... Shit. Amaya, I'm sorry."

A tear had slipped down my cheek, and he reached out quickly to wipe it away with his thumb. "Don't apologize," I said quietly. For some reason, that exhaustion I suddenly felt was all I felt. I was otherwise rather numb as I sat on the couch. "I... I held onto this hope that maybe they were still alive. I was so young when my grandmother told me about them. Maybe I'd misheard her, maybe she was wrong. But I... this whole time, they... I should've expected it, really."

I choked back a sob. I tucked the papers back into the folder and tossed it gently to the table. With both hands free, I was able to cover my mouth as I cried.

"It shouldn't matter," I managed to say between my cries. "It shouldn't. They just gave me my name. For one reason or another, after I was born, they left me with my grandmother. Or maybe she had to take me in because they died. Even if I did think they were alive, I don't know why I held on to any fucking hope when they never once tried to look for me. A stranger had to raise me. A-And I... God, why does it hurt so fucking much?"

Levi held me as I cried, letting out the decades of built-up hope that had now transformed entirely into despair. Somewhere in my heart I wanted to hang on to that hope that they were alive and that I had family somewhere waiting for me. But there wasn't. Maybe some obscure cousins somewhere, sure, but what the hell was the point?

All this did was confirm that nagging feeling that they were dead. That was all. So why in the hell was I hurting so much? I should've come to terms with it long ago. I'd even told people that it was easier to believe that they were dead. So why did I not believe it, until now?

By the time my energy was spent and my tired eyes blinking away the last tears to fall, Levi had one of his arms around me, Emi still in his lap with his free arm around her, and he was rocking the three of us side to side gently. Hunched over as I was, I felt almost ashamed to lift my head and look at him. He'd done all this for me, and I had the audacity to cry in front of him?

I swallowed hard and lifted my head from my hands, my tear-soaked sweater sleeves chilly with the air now finally allowed to reach them. I took a few deep, steadying breaths. I knew – I just knew – that Levi would blame himself for me crying, for how upset I was. But it wasn't his fault. Rather, what he gave me was closure, and I could never thank him enough for that.

"Levi," I said, my voice hoarse from crying. Immediately, he ducked his face closer to mine, his pretty blue eyes catching the minimal light in the room. I could see myself in his eyes and could only imagine how pathetic I looked. "Thank you for this." I could tell that he hadn't been expecting me to say that with the way his eyes widened slightly and the worried crease in his brow turned to one of confusion. "I don't think I would've had the courage to ever look for these, myself."

I sat up, doing all I could to bring a smile to my lips. His eyes dropped down to look at my sorry attempt at a smile and when they looked back up into my eyes again, he still looked conflicted.

"You helped me find closure," I explained to him with my voice hardly above a whisper. "And now I finally know my name. Amaya Ikeda-Mercia Ackerman. Quite the mouthful, isn't it?" When my light jest managed to make me smile, it got a reluctant chuckle out of him.

"I'm not sure if knowing this will make you feel better," he began, "but my father never came looking for me, either." His eyes drifted away. "Two lost, abandoned kids in that shithole. But we found each other."

Our eyes met again. And for the first time in an awfully long time, it was as if I was looking through him and into his soul. It'd been a long time since we'd had a talk quite like this. We'd bared our sins to each other before and understood that sometimes words weren't necessary. But sometimes they were, and it was in instances like this, when we accepted our vulnerabilities and trusted each other with them that I felt closer to him than ever before.

More of our walls had been broken down today, and we were unabashedly us. Our love for each other flowed strong, but as we grew together day by day, sometimes we'd hit a milestone like this, just affirming what we already knew to be true: that our love would last, because we'd shown the ugliest parts of ourselves to each other.

In his calloused hands, he held my heart. And in my own, I held his.

With that, we carried each other's vulnerabilities, mistakes, issues, and more. But not just that. There was trust, and there was hope, and there was love. He trusted me to see the darkest parts of his soul. In return, I allowed him to see my own.

Apparently, we'd been sitting out here together for a lot longer than anticipated. It was getting late now. "I'll get our little one ready for bed," I said. "Then I'll be right in for bed."

Levi only nodded in response before leaning down to kiss her on the head. I took her into my arms when he said goodnight to her, and he headed into the bedroom as I gave her a quick bath, dressed her into pajamas, and read a story to her.

When she was comfortable in bed, it didn't take me long to get myself ready for bed. Levi was already waiting for me, watching as I changed into pajamas, brushed my hair, and finally came to bed. I pulled the covers back and slipped in beside him. Levi immediately took me into his arms and pulled me against his chest.

"You know what I think?" I asked once the lone candle in the room was blown out and we were getting comfortable.

"Hm?"

"I think there is a secret to my blood."

"Oh? And what would that be, brat?"

"Well, it may come as a shock to you," I murmured, "but we're born to love Ackermans."

He snorted. "You idiot."

"It's special, you see," I said. "A special strain, only active in my blood, and only for you."

"Well, aren't you lucky I love you, then," he teased. "Saving you a life of endless pining after me."

"I am lucky," I said earnestly. Despite the darkness of the room I tilted my head to look up at him and catch his eyes. "Thank you again, Levi, really. And not just for this."

"Don't go getting sentimental on me," he mumbled. "We both know we save that for our anniversary and birthdays only."

I giggled softly. "I know, I know. I just thought I'd say it because I really should say it more. I love you so, so much."

"Tch," he muttered. "Strange that your name sounds like mercy, considering you never have any on me."

I laughed once more, lightness finding its way into my heart. "Oh, please. What do you possibly mean?"

"Your damned flirting, for one," he said dryly.

"I was being honest," I pressed. "I mean it!"

It was obvious he didn't believe me. "Anyway, you already say that you love me several times a day," he reminded me.

"That's not enough," I said quickly. "Never enough. You deserve the world and more, my love."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah," I affirmed, but what I didn't realize was that he'd take my word as a challenge.

"Fine, then. Let me catch up." I didn't even have time to ask what he meant because suddenly I was on my back, Levi leaning over to press his lips to mine. "I love you." Another kiss. "I love you."

I was smiling too much to kiss back, but he didn't seem deterred as his lips skated across my skin, pressing kiss after kiss to my cheeks, forehead, chin, and the skin between with a breathy I love you after each one. The sensation of his bangs brushing across my face and the electricity dancing under my skin at his touch made me squirm as I tried to escape his grasp.

"L-Levi! Hold on!"

He did no such thing, kissing me more as a substitute. "I love you, no matter what the fuck your name is." His mouth, hot and hungry against my cool skin, traveled towards my neck. "Regardless of how fucked up we both are."

His lips found a particularly sensitive spot on my neck and I sighed out his name. He pulled away slightly, gazing down at me with so much earnestness and love it made my heart skip a beat. His shirt hung loose on his shoulders, revealing only some of the muscle he hid in that small frame of his.

"Let me worship you tonight, sweetheart," he pleaded. "Whatever your name is, no matter who your family is, you are mine, and I'm yours. You're my Amaya. Let me show you, and make you cry out my name, as I fucking cry out yours."

This was, I knew, his way of apologizing, even though I didn't think he had anything to be sorry for. He leaned down to kiss me again at my nod. As our lips met, I could feel the repents on his lips and on his tongue. When he pulled away and reattached to my neck, I could immediately recognize the sharp movements of his tongue as he spelled out his own name over that spot that drove me wild.

"You may have stolen my last name, but I'm yours," he whispered against my heated skin. "Let me prove it."

—

My string of emotionally straining days did not end there. It was quite the opposite because I spent almost two weeks at a small hospital by the coast. Mason was sick. Badly, horribly sick. Without other family to accompany him, express messengers had rushed to me at his request. I'd left that night and made it to the coast in what must have been record time, only stopping when Strider needed to rest.

Since there was a small town now, a group of doctors had been sent and a small office built. Most were at some point assigned in the military bases, so they were used to the usual damage and stress that came with that. As such, they knew how to deal with soldiers, and part of that meant that they weren't afraid to kick my ass out of the room if they deemed it necessary.

As soon as they realized that I wanted to stay by his side every moment of the day, they made sure to kick me out at regular intervals to at least eat and take care of myself. For the first few days, he slipped in and out of consciousness, only remaining awake for a few minutes at a time and always when I happened to be out of the room.

But by the end of the first week I was there, he'd regained enough strength to stay awake for most of the day. He was still exhausted, and his body was still working overdrive trying to recover from whatever ailed him. I was grateful for the fact that he was awake, at the very least, because for the first time that week, I managed to talk to him and assure him that I was here for him.

The first time he'd seen me sitting at his bedside, he'd told me to stop crying, the stupid man. That entire next week, I left the room only to wash myself, check on my horse, check for mail from home – because Levi and Emi had remained at home – and get things that I thought would make Mason happy as he stayed confined to that hospital bed. I stayed out of the way of the doctors as they tried every treatment that they could to try to help him.

But nothing was working.

Day by day he got worse, and there was nothing I could fucking do except hold his hand and talk to him. He seemed so happy, even in those last few days. He told me all about how nice everyone was to him, about how he'd finally been able to relax, truly, and walk without looking over his shoulder every few minutes, something that he'd never experienced before.

Mason's smile was so wide and so true as he told me about everything he'd seen and experienced since coming to the surface. For days we just sat there and talked and talked and talked. If anyone asked, I wouldn't be able to recall any specifics, but I knew well the eyes of a dying man and he had them.

He was growing weaker by the day. His big brown eyes, the color of deep honey and amber that always glittered in the sun were losing their light. His face was happy, but his eyes were sad and sunken. Mason knew what was coming for him, but he didn't mention it, and neither did I.

The thought lingered in the back of our minds, but we did not voice it. It was obvious that it was coming so why talk about it? There was nothing to say about it. Mason had accepted it. I had not, but I was not about to lecture a man on his deathbed.

On that Sunday, I awoke early and made my way as quickly as I could to where Mason was. But when I made it to his room, there were doctors swarming the bed and shouting going every which way. My heart leapt into my throat, all my lingering sleepiness fading away as I rushed to his bedside. This was it.

Despite the doctors' best efforts, his body was giving in. There were tears slipping down his cheeks as the doctors backed away, finally allowing me to get to him. He reached for me and without a second thought I took him into my arms, hugging him as gently as I could.

"Amaya," he croaked out.

"Save your breath," I instructed. "Don't talk. It's okay, it'll be okay."

"I'm dying, Amaya," he said, his voice scratchy and rough. "Don't pretend like I'm not. Not now."

"Mason, please," I whispered, pulling away from him and lowering him down to the pillows again. "Don't die, please don't fucking die."

"You're my best friend," he said to me. "Ever since we met, you have been."

"And you're mine," I said through a sob. He took one of my hands in both of his. "Back when I had nothing, you... You helped keep my head above water. I... I am so sorry, Mason. I should've been there for you more. After I joined Farlan and Levi, I... I didn't visit you as much as I should've."

"But you did," he assured me. "Trust me, you did. And besides all that, you freed me from that. You didn't have to, but you did. There was no way I was getting out of that city on my own. It's because of you that I did. And it's because of you that I got to see the ocean, and meet the people from across the sea, and see the sun."

"It's thanks to you that I didn't lose my way," I admitted to him. "If you hadn't stopped me to sing, I don't know what I would've done. I was so close to giving up."

"You were really scary back then," he teased. "I'm happy I found the courage to reach out to you." Despite everything, his words managed to make me laugh. "I always thought of you as a sister to me and I love you like one, did you know that? No, I guess not, because I never told you." He coughed, refusing a cup of water from me when it was offered. "Before I die-"

"Mason," I said in protest, "please don't."

"You're a scout," he said. "You've seen plenty of death before. Why is my death harder for you?"

My heart just about shattered at his question, simple though it was, unsure as it was... If only he knew just how hard this was on me, to lose yet another member of my chosen family.

—

A fruitful night of working together, with Mason on strings and me on vocals, led to quite a bit of loose pocket change. And since we had nothing else better to do tonight, we decided to go out drinking. He was about the only man I felt comfortable drinking with anyway, and as my only friend, well, we might as well have some fun.

So, that's what we did.

Together, we went to one of Mason's favorite joints, talking and laughing about funny people we'd seen amble by while performing tonight. And to the bar we went, and after ordering drinks, we waited and swapped stories about our days before settling in together to perform. He asked me about work, and I asked him about his songwriting, and for the first time in a long time, I felt... normal.

And it was strange.

It was wonderful, yes... but certainly strange.

Wasn't that something? To feel so normal, felt strange.

Still, sitting there beside him, we downed a few drinks - not enough to get drunk, just enough to feel the damning nature of living in this accursed place get lifted away from our shoulders a bit - and the hours flew by.  More and more people streamed into the bar as the evening wore on, and we eventually settled into a booth surrounded by folks we had met. Seated comfortably at Mason's side, we shared an apprehensive look when someone slid out a deck of playing cards.

Used bottle caps were used as gambling chips, with a sizable pool of cash piled up as potential winnings. "Oh, boy," I muttered as a burly man started shuffling the cards, listening to his buddy talk about how his luck was better than anyone even on the surface.

"Not a gambler?"

"Not a good card player," I admitted to him. "My dad taught me and... Well, needless to say, I'm absolutely shit at it."

"Oh, good," Mason chimed happily. "Finally, I meet someone worse than me."

His words made me laugh, and I shook my head fondly at him. "Odds like these, you might actually win for once."

Mason outright beamed at me, adjusting his hat atop his head as I gathered up my cards. With one look at my cards, I realized with a start that I was off to a great start. I had a good hand, one that was actually pretty decent. Well, if I played this, right, then-

I definitely didn't play it right, nor the next fe whands. But I did, however, pick up on some tells. The man who dealt the cards, burly as he was ugly, would scratch his nose when he had a bad hand. The shapely woman next to me would be quieter than normal and contribute less to conversation when she had a good one. Mason was... well, I could read him like a book. But as for the few others at the table, I picked up on some of their quirks.

And as they continued to drink, well, they got clumsier and more obvious.

A new hand was dealt. The potential winnings towered higher as everyone put everything they had in the way of cash in the pot. The stakes were higher - and this was likely to be the last round. Everyone had everything they had in this round, myself included.

I looked at my first cards, then set them facedown on the table. "Alright," Mason said. "Everyone ante up."

I did so, then leaned back in the seat and crossed my arms over my chest. Left curious by my reaction, Mason glanced sidelong at me. In his eyes there sat a question: he wanted to know what the hell was happening. I met his eyes, smiled, and winked at him.

One of his eyebrows rose upwards, but he said nothing of it. I didn't blame him - my posture was clearly laid-back, and more than a bit confident. I was at ease for the first time in this game because for the first time, I was playing to win.

With round after round, it became clearer and clearer that my hand was awful. But I didn't care - I raised each time, a sly smile on my face, one I tried to hide. It was a tell that I hoped was as obvious to the others around the table as it was to Mason, who caught on right away.

Now, let me be clear: my hand was completely unwinnable. But I would win with it.

I would settle for nothing less.

When I at last pushed all my chips in, it was an obvious challenge, one that was met by several people around the table, Mason included. One look into his eyes, and I knew that he knew, and I had to work to keep the smile from my face - but that didn't stop him from smiling, though.

"There's no hand better than mine," the burly man said. "No way in hell anyone's beating this."

"Oh, I don't know," I said. "Statistically, my hand cannot be beat."

"No way," the woman beside me said. "There's no way in hell."

"Statistically?" Mason asked. "Oh, damn."

In the end, everyone else folded. In the end... I was the only one left. Through the use of clever words and easy confidence, I convinced everyone - even the burly man who based on his body language, really did have a great hand - to pull out of the bet.

And in the end... when I revealed my hand...

It was awful. It was a really bad hand. But considering I was the only one left, well... there were several angry curses sent my way, a few jaws on the floor, and Mason who threw his arms around me, laughing joyfully. As tempers flared, Mason helped me gather up my winnings and we left, proud smiles on our faces, exhilarated laughs escaping us, and a very angry group of bar-goers whose cries and shouts fell away into nothing far behind us.

As we ran, I glanced over at Mason, only to see this brilliant smile on his face. For a man who had gone through so much - for we all had, down here - to look so joyful now was a blessing.

My heart thumped surely in my heart, and I knew for certain: this man, though my only friend, was the greatest I had - and likely the best one I would ever have.

—

"Because you're my best friend," I finally explained. "My brother. I don't think of every scout like that."

"Regardless," he said, managing to smile at me. "I hope that you live a good, long life. Levi and Emi, too. I know I'm not your dad or anything, but I'm proud of you, you know? Becoming a Scout, being as strong as you are, being a mom now..." He glanced at the bedside table. Only one thing was on it. "That's the journal where I wrote all the songs that I taught you. There are some new ones, too, that I didn't get to teach you yet."

"So stay alive," I pleaded. "Teach them to me."

He shook his head. "I can't. I'm pushing my time already. All I ask of you is that you learn those new ones, and teach them to others, okay? A-And keep singing - please. Promise?"

I shook my head. "How? How can I possibly keep singing - doing what you love, what we loved together - without you?"

He smiled cheekily. "Because I asked nicely."

"Mason, I can't..."

"You can."

"How, if you're not here with me? You're my partner in this, I can't-"

"Promise me, Amaya."

I... could deny him no further. Not when he was looking at me like that. So if he wanted me to continue, I would.

I would - for him.

"I promise," I said hurriedly.

A tear slipped down my cheek and he watched as it did. His own eyes were teary, his voice quiet and rough. His breaths were shallower now, his eyes struggling to stay open.

"Chairs so close, a r-room so small," Mason began to sing. I nearly whimpered at the gentle sounds. Yet he looked at me expectantly, giving me a small, barely noticeable nod.

"You and I talk all the night long," I continued.

Then we sang together. "Meager this space but serves us all well, we comrades have stories to tell. And it's always like that in the evening time, we drink and we sing when our fighting is done." I was struggling to keep my voice even as we sang together. "And it's always so, we live under the burnt clouds. Ease our burden, long is the night."

A rush of emotions swept through me as Mason smiled through his words. "Dust and smoke, stars can't be seen. We all starve for a moonbeam on our town. We must all gather as one; sing with hope and our fear will be gone."

As we sang the next verse, another tear rolled down my cheek as one ran down his. "So ist es immer, that in the evening time, we drink and we sing when our fighting is done. So ist es immer, we live under the burnt clouds. Ease our burden, long is the night." Mason's eyes closed but his smile remained on his face.

"Da die sterne nicht leuchten," he sang with me. "We all starve for a moonbeam on our town." His voice grew quieter. "Schalten wir das licht selbst an.." His voice stopped, and I sang the final line by myself. 

"Sing with hope and our fear will be gone..."

Mason drew in one more shaky breath, exhaled, and then... he was gone.