A quick walk to go get the mail turned into a slightly panicked situation when I noticed a letter from the capital. It was a thick envelope, pristine white but with a few bends on the corners because our mailbox was rather small. I hurried through the house quickly and leaned out the back door, which had been left open considering it was such a nice day out.

"Levi, hon?"

He looked over from what he was doing, which was playing with Emi in the garden. I'd been with them, until we heard the messengers come by and drop off our mail. Right now Levi was standing, and he'd been tossing Emi up into the air only to catch her. It was terribly cute, but right now, the sinking feeling in my stomach took precedence.

"Just a minute," he called out, continuing to toss his daughter up, her giggles almost infectious, if not for the worry in my chest.

With a nod, I began to open the envelope, and skimmed quickly over the documents. And suddenly, all my worry faded away and I let out a quiet laugh as I realized it was a document summoning us to the capital, but not for anything bad: it was for a military ball, one that occurred in the spring each year. When Emi next came giggling down into his arms for a soft catch, Levi lowered her to sit against his hip as he directed his focus to me.

"What is it?"

"A summons from the capital," I answered.

"Oh, fuck," he muttered, briskly making his way towards where I stood, leaning casually against the doorway, the slight breeze shifting my hair. "What'd we do now?"

"That's what I asked myself when I first saw it," I said, holding it out towards him. "But it's nothing bad. Here, take a look." He took it in his free hand, the furrow in his brow shifting from one of frustration to one of confusion instead.

"What the hell is this?" He asked, flipping it over to see if there was a back. His eyes, irritated, met mine. "You've gotta be shitting me."

"It's an official request," I said, crossing my arms. "We can't just ignore it. And I'm sure Hange's copy of it is almost to her, and you know for a fact she won't say no to something like this."

Simply put, he wasn't excited about it. I couldn't exactly say that I was, either. The annual military ball wasn't exactly a secret within these three Walls, but it was something that the Survey Corps had never been invited to, before. As soon as the scouts became the scapegoats for humanity's failures, as long ago as it was now, they'd stopped being invited.

It was a simple event, meant for the higher-ups only, so that the rest of the areas within the Walls weren't left unmanned and unprotected. Another envelope accompanying the first was addressed from Historia herself, and upon reading it, I realized it was an offer for us to meet at the capital earlier than the rest of the forces arrived, so that we could get proper wear for the event. It was also an offer to catch up before the festivities as well.

The queen noted that accompanying the ball would be a general festival of sorts, something she wanted to start to celebrate our island's recent victories and give the people something everyone could enjoy as a singular, united front. That, at least, had the promise of being fun. The ball, however... not so much.

It was not that I didn't like dancing, because of course I did. It was just that having to dance with stuffy government officials and stuck-up heads of the other two regiments didn't sound so appealing to me. A night to dance with Levi, I would take it, but the chance of getting asked to dance by old ass men and watching young bachelorettes trying to steal away my man didn't seem fun.

Despite not wanting to go, a few days later the arrangements had been made, the three of us were packed up, and a gilded wagon came by to pick us up to bring us to the interior for a few days. The event wasn't until the end of the week, and it was Tuesday when we arrived, but Historia managed to transfer most of her duties to her advisors so she could catch up with us.

For the most part, it was Historia rattling on about her new duties and me relaying what was happening with the new recruits and on the coast. Levi spent most of those meetings sipping expensive teas for free. Historia was so excited to finally see Emiko again, and it seemed that our daughter shared that enthusiasm, because that entire first day that we were there, she wanted nothing more than to be held by the young monarch.

Maybe it was because of the jewels embroidered into her dress, or the crown laid on the table in front of her, or maybe because she was just so damn warm and inviting as a person, but Emi took quite a liking to her. It was good then because Historia seemed to take a particular shine to her, too.

The next day, Hange arrived, but we'd heard her far before she was announced. She came barreling down the hallway, passing the people meant to announce her arrival. The current Survey Corps commander slammed into the door of the room we were in, and with a low groan Levi pinched his nose between his fingers and squeezed his eyes shut.

Sure, Levi was annoyed, but I was beyond excited to see my best friend after a long winter without her. She dragged me away to catch up with me and by the time we returned to the meeting room, Historia was babbling on about some political nonsense I knew for sure Levi wasn't interested in. Emi had latched onto Hange, having missed her too, and that had been day two.

The next day, Historia had gathered some workers to escort us through the streets of the capital for gala-appropriate garb, and knowing that Levi would want to sneak a peek, I'd handed my dress off to Hange to hide in her room until the event.

The day after that, which was the day before the event, the bulk of the military heads arrived. Commanders, captains, lieutenants, and all their plus-ones. Reyes had been invited to the capital due to his rank in the Military Police while underground, and his family had accompanied him to the interior. His family had agreed to watch Emi during the event and morning after, which I was grateful for.

Having been so busy catching up with people and helping prepare for the event, I'd nearly forgotten where we were. We were in Sina, the capital center of our fortified land. What that meant was that we were dangerously close to the entryways into the Underground City. It was strange, walking on streets when I knew that just below was a giant, dim cavern, filled with poor, sick people: someone that I used to be. It was especially strange knowing that is used to be my home... No.

The people I was with made it feel like home. Though physically I lived in that damned city, I knew I couldn't spend my entire life there. I never wanted it to be home. And it never was. I didn't quite make my daring escape in the way I'd imagined, but I'd made it here, and now found myself surrounded by so many people that I loved and cherished.

I'd come up here with Farlan, Isabel, and Levi. For a precious moment, the four of us had been as we'd dreamed: together and free.

I'd coerced Historia into allowing citizenship for Mason, who now lived and worked happily on the coast with people who loved to hear him play every night.

I'd found Reyes up here, due to a wicked stroke of luck.

But there were two people who I never got to experience that freedom with, yet they'd showered me with so much love before they'd passed.

With as busy as I'd been over these past years, I hadn't been able to visit someone in a long, long time. Since Caden was in a cemetery up here, his body going where he could not while he was still alive, every once in a while I was able to slip away and go see him. But visiting my father was a different story.

So, I prepared myself for a visit.

It was long overdue, anyway.

—

It was one of those mornings when I woke up before Levi, and so I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could. I had something I wanted to do while here, and I didn't want to wait until the festivities were over tomorrow.

There was too much of a chance of us having too much fun tonight and tomorrow, and I could very well forget to do it. So I decided to do it today, this morning, before anything began. I got dressed into a skirt and a button-down shirt, wanting to look nice for my visit, despite the location.

It was more of an unconscious decision to do so, but when I looked in the mirror once I was dressed, my hair loose and down over my shoulders, I smiled, knowing that he'd approve of me. I stepped out of the bathroom quietly, padding silently across the room to the desk. There was a stack of small pages meant for notes, and I ripped one out, the noise prompting Levi to roll over, but not to stir.

I let out a relieved breath, though I wasn't quite sure why I was relieved, exactly. This was to be an emotional morning for me, I was sure, and his presence would be helpful, but... I wanted to spend some time alone with him. It'd been so long, after all. I was long overdue for a visit. I took a pen from the desktop and wrote a quick note for him.

My dearest Levi,

I hope you had a good night's rest, and even better morning to yourself. While we're here in the capital, I have someone I need to visit. It's been a long time since I've seen him. Don't worry, it's no one you need to worry about. I'll be back before you know it.

And don't forget Reyes' family will be by this afternoon at some point to pick Emi up so we don't need to worry about her during the event. If you could bathe her once she gets up, I'd appreciate it. I left some money for breakfast for the two of you on the desk. Treat yourselves to something nice.

With lots of love, Amaya

P.S. Just pretend I'm there to give you your good-morning kisses! I'll make them up to you later, I promise!

I set the note on the center of the desk, drawing a little heart by my name for good measure. I left some money for them, enough for a nice breakfast here in the Interior. Now satisfied, I stood, walking towards the door to where I left my boots. I pushed my feet into them and laced them up, then grabbed my sweater from where it hung on the rack.

I pulled it on as I reached into my uniform jacket's pocket, grabbing the thin slip with my official assignment on it. It was proof of my citizenship, so if those assholes guarding the stairwell gave me any issues, I'd have documentation that I lived and worked up here.

With the slip snug in my sweater pocket, I left the room, closing the door quietly behind me. I made my way through the guest house on quiet feet. This early, only the workers were awake, hurrying around to prepare for the day. A few stopped in the hallway to call out to me, asking if I needed anything, but I waved them away with a smile and a thank you.

I took to the streets of the capital, nodding politely to the nobles out and about already, preparing for the day. There were workers decorating the streets, hanging flags and decorative lanterns and all other manner of decoration, which struck me as rather interesting.

I inwardly smiled at the sight of the decorations – perhaps when the festivities inside became too stuffy, we could slip outside and have fun outside. Now that would be interesting.

It took a few minutes, but I made it to the outskirts of the town, reaching the closest stairway leading underground. Looking down into it, I sighed, dreading going back down. But this wasn't for me, I reasoned. This visit wasn't about me.

So, I steeled my nerve, holding my chin up high as I descended. Upon reaching the bottom I turned to the man guarding the point. I showed my credentials and told him to expect me back later. With nothing more than a nod from him, I turned on my heel, heading into the city.

All these years later, the streets still seemed so familiar. I was sure that for as long as I was alive, I'd never forget the layout of this cursed town, the network of dirt roads that led nowhere. The dirty alleyways would always look the same, the houses doing nothing but degrading more and more as time went on.

The stench of the city was what really surprised me – after so long of breathing in fresh air, real air, the stagnant stench of the cavern burned my nose and made my eyes water. God, this was awful. I kept my eyes forward, never making eye contact with anyone as I headed towards the center of the city. The outer parts were dangerous, where most of the big cartels and crime rings operated. A woman walking alone was an easy target.

And among the dirty, malnourished people of the city, I was healthy, strong, practically glowing, making me stand out. Sure, it was early, but crime never slept in this town.

The only time crime slowed was during the twilight.

I wasn't too far into the city when a man called out to me. "Hey, pretty lady," he yelled, hoping to entice me into slowing my pace.

I did no such thing, paying him no heed as I walked past. Barely a second passed before he growled, storming up to me. Suddenly, he was right in front of me, and I only stopped because he was there. I let my eyes trail slowly upwards into his eyes, dull and brown in the pale light of the city, keeping the slight pang of fear I felt hidden, my eyes remaining expressionless as I regarded him.

"That's not very polite, you know, ignoring someone like that. I was talking to you." I blinked, looking at him with disdain as he spoke to me. "What's a pretty little thing like you doing down here, huh? You're not from around here, are ya?"

All of a sudden, I recognized this man. He was one of the men we had robbed, oh so long ago. It was one of my very first jobs with Farlan and Levi. I'd been so new with the gear at that point, but it was the first time they'd entrusted me with actually doing the robbing while they'd backed me up.

"Third street past the 11th stairwell," I said, lifting my chin defiantly. His eyes widened and his eyebrows rose as he tried to make sense of what I'd said. "Fourth house on the road, on the... right side of the street, if you're coming from the south side of the city."

His breath caught in his throat as he realized what I was referring to.

"As of a few years ago, anyway, that's where you lived. I climbed through your second story window and found myself in your bedroom. You were passed out, a prostitute in your bed next to you. She'd just been packing up to leave, you see, but she didn't wake you up to warn you that you were being robbed."

"That was – how did you-"

"You'd killed a friend of ours, so we thought we'd take a little something as compensation. I took every last cent you had hidden in the chest under your bed, and even gave your prostitute an extra tip on her way out. I paid her more than you did. Still, I found myself with a pretty little sum. We stored that money away, but I used most of it for menstrual products."

"You bitch," He growled, pulling a knife from his pocket. He raised it, prepared to swing down and stab me, but I ducked underneath his arm, kicking one of his knees in. That knee buckled, and I wasted no time in grabbing his arm, the one with the knife, and twisting it behind him, pressing it to his back.

I forced him to his stomach, my knee pressing into the low of his spine. He cried out in pain, his arm shaking as he tried escaping my grasp. His legs kicked out under him futilely. He was a pathetic, squirming mess underneath me. I took the knife from his hand, tossing it away from him. It landed with a clatter on the dirt, and he watched it go with wide, scared eyes.

"Pathetic," I sighed. I leaned forward, his eyes darting up to meet mine. "I'm doing you a favor and letting you off easy. It's not very polite, calling out to someone like that. I do hope you've learned your lesson. You do it again, I can't say I'll be as nice next time." I applied more pressure, and he let out a pained cry. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Y-Yes!" He cried out.

"What was that?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

"That's much better. Now get out of my sight."

I let go of him and stood, allowing him room to get up. He scrambled to his feet and ran. I watched him go until he was out of my sight. When I was sure he was gone, I turned, finally continuing towards my destination. I soon found myself in front of the Military Police HQ of the Underground City.

Goodness, did this bring back some memories. I'd spent the better half of my childhood here, but that didn't seem to matter once El had died. I took a quiet moment to just look up at the building.

The flag with their emblem still sat motionless out front, the lack of wind meaning it never got to flow proudly like the ones on the surface. I never had seen the point in setting a flag down here, anyway. It wasn't like the emblem wasn't planted on the side of the building. Everyone knew what this damn building was.

"Excuse me," a voice said, approaching from behind. I blinked as I came back to my senses, stepping out of the way so the soldier could pass.

"Sorry about that," I murmured, watching him go.

He was walking hurriedly along the path towards the door, the gear on his hips clanging with every step. He had brown eyes, unruly brown hair that curled on the ends. My breath hitched in my throat. He looked so much like El, it hurt to see. He stepped into the base, and as if in a trance, I followed. I looked around the small lobby. Nothing had changed. I wasn't sure if that was reassuring or not.

I let my eyes drift to the side, to the row of chairs where once upon a time, my grandma and I had sat as we waited for a soldier to meet with us. And at the desk was a soldier that wasn't Libby, but a fresh, young face. The soldier that'd passed me outside picked up a file from her, then hurried down the hall towards where the offices were.

"Can I help you?" The woman at the desk called out. My eyes snapped to hers, my senses returning to me in a rush.

"Yes, hopefully," I said, approaching the desk. She smiled warmly at me. "I'm... here to visit someone."

"Who are you here to see?"

"One of your late soldiers," I explained. "Elwin Ikeda, he's buried out back. May I have permission to go through and see him?"

"Only family and soldiers can visit the cemetery," she said. "Might I see some identification?"

"Yes, ma'am," I said, taking out my slip. She looked it over.

"Captain Amaya Ackerman," she read quietly. She looked up at me, wide-eyed. "So it is true."

"Pardon?"

"You were raised down here," she said breathlessly. "My goodness, I thought it was just a story." She handed the slip back, and I put it in my pocket. She gestured with her hand towards the door. "Please, go right ahead."

"Thank you," I said with a smile. I walked evenly towards the door leading to the courtyard, one of a few on their property, this one dedicated to its fallen soldiers. There were rows of graves, but it wasn't nearly as populated as the military cemeteries on the surface.

This one bore shocking resemblance to that of the Survey Corps, however, because rather than its soldiers dying of old age or sickness, many here were killed in their line of work. If not by Titans, then by humans, criminals, thugs.

My feet guided me through the cemetery, a few fresh bouquets placed down by the gravestones. The air was stagnant here, dry and dirty. Still, I walked further in, towards the grave that I'd spent hours at, when it was still fresh in my memory.

When it had faded and I had succumbed to my grief, I'd stopped coming, partly because it hurt too much to do so, but mostly because after I'd lost the trust of Reyes and Libby, there was no way I'd be allowed in without being arrested first. I turned down one row, following the line until I reached the one that I was looking for.

I let out a breath at the sight of it, as my eyes danced over his name. I swallowed forcefully as I knelt in front of the gravestone in the dirt. I fixed my skirt around me, trying to think of something to say. My lips were dry, my eyes watery, my throat tight. I looked down at my hands as they gripped my skirt tightly, suddenly ashamed that I'd come here without something to give to him.

"It's been a long time, El," I said, lifting my eyes to the stone.

It was silly, really. As if looking at the stone was any better than looking at my lap, the dirt, the rocky ceiling far overhead. But I couldn't help but feel like I was looking at him when I did, as if he were sitting in front of me, cross-legged in the dirt, leaning back against the stone marking his resting place. A wave of tears blurred my vision as I imagined it.

Goddesses, it was so clear. It was like I could reach out and touch him.

Memory had dimmed so many details over the years, but the El I was seeing now was so clear, so pristine, so perfect in its replication that I could see the most minute of his details, like the crow's feet that crinkled by his eyes when he smiled, the stubble that he thought made him look manly, and the slight hollow in his cheeks he'd acquired from limiting the size of his meals so that I could eat for years.

"I'm sorry I didn't visit sooner. I've been really busy, you see." I took in a shaky breath. "I couldn't come see you too often after you died because I got into some trouble. I needed money, and... without you, I lost my job. Your new boss was an asshole, by the way."

I let a breathy laugh escape me and I squeezed my eyes shut. I opened them again, letting the tears fall freely.

"I wanted to visit you, of course I did. I'd have spent all my waking hours here if I could, but... I couldn't. I became a criminal, El. I'm so sorry. I robbed people, killed others. I became the kind of person you were trying to lock away, the very scum that made this town so dangerous for us."

I sighed.

"So, in short... I couldn't visit you, at least not without doing it so much that they caught onto my tricks. You're probably wondering why I couldn't, why I was afraid of them catching onto me. Well, for a time, Reyes had been taking care of me, but when he found out what I was doing - and that was doing all that I could do to make money, please understand I didn't want to do what I did - he kicked me out and I was on my own."

I glanced away for a moment.

"I don't blame him. I don't blame him, strangely enough. But how could I? I became a criminal, however necessary it was. For an officer of the law, his hands were tied when it came to me. I certainly didn't make it easy."

I wondered how he might react to hearing that. Honestly... I had no idea. And that thought was scary.

"I found a place for myself, but things weren't better," I continued. "They didn't get better for a while, actually. I made a friend, though. His name is Mason, and honestly, I think you'd like him. He's a street performer, you'd probably heard him play guitar and sing on your evening patrols. Well one day, I walked by and... he asked me to sing for him one night. And... I did."

I smiled even as a tear rolled down my cheek at the memory.

"Oh, El," I breathed out. "Do you remember those rare afternoons when you'd get a break from work, and we'd bake together? And... And we'd sing. We weren't really that good, were we? We were having too much fun to think about trying to sing well. Honestly, I... I miss afternoons like that."

I lifted a hand to wipe that rogue tear away before it could fall.

"Well," I continued, "I sang with him as he played guitar every night for weeks. We were partners like that, see, and then became close friends from there. Oh, and there were these two guys that would listen to us each night, and I'd met them once before. Hm... Actually, maybe 'met' isn't the right word. They ran into me. Literally. I was walking along with Caden, oh, on the evening of your birthday, and they turned a corner and knocked me over!"

I huffed a little in a haughty sort of manner, then sobered up.

"They were running from the MPs; would you believe that?" I laughed openly at the irony of it all. "Those two guys came to hear me sing nearly every night. One left good tips, the other one... not so much. But one day, the one who left good tips found me before I made it to Mason and offered me to join his gang."

I nearly snorted.

"It's still so weird to say it, even though I spent so much time with them. I was in a gang, El. A gang." I frowned. "Not quite the future you wanted for me, right?" I sighed, then continued. "So, anyway, I joined, and the worse of the two tippers was not really that happy to see me, understandably so. Not that he knew, but the daughter of a policeman, in a gang? It was certainly strange."

I paused, wondering what he might say if he were really here. I figured that he might tell me to continue, and so I did.

"Their names are Farlan and Levi. Farlan was your typical softie trying to be a tough guy. You know the type, because you were one. And Levi is your typical tough guy, but he'll never admit how big of a softie he really is. You'd like them both, I think. I... hope."

Whether or not he would like Levi was up in the air, but I knew for sure that he would adore Farlan. Or... he would have, anyway. But they were both dead now. I could only hope that if El was here with me, that he might know how good Levi is to me, that despite his tough attitude he was sweet to me, and loved me so, so dearly.

...Maybe El would like Levi, but as my father, he might give him a hard time anyway.

Then again, I would have no way to know for sure until I... well, you know.

"We did jobs together," I finally continued, "and I had a family again. It took some time, sure, but we were a family to the end. They taught me how to use the maneuver gear. El, I'm sorry - I know you wanted to teach me one day, but they did it and..." I chuckled lightly. "I wish it would have been you. Truthfully, I think you'd have done a better job. Farlan nearly dropped me off the roof several times before we'd even started."

As I progressed through the tale, I found my tears lightening up. It felt like I was just talking to him, catching up like I'd seen him just last week. My smile faded from my lips slowly as I realized what came next.

"We found who killed Caden," I said, my tone melancholic and reflective. "We took care of them. No more kids were murdered by them. They were sick, El. Thinking that it was a sin for those children to be born..."

I closed my eyes briefly. Oh, Caden. I missed him too. So, so much. I opened my eyes again, meeting the eyes of his ghost again, if he was truly there.

"We um... We brought in another person into our group. Think Caden, but older, and a girl. That was Isabel. She completed our family. What we had was a weird, dysfunctional family, but it was a family, nonetheless. One day, much later, we were approached about a job. We were offered citizenship on the surface if we did it."

Goodness, what a strange time in our lives that had been.

"Unfortunately," I said slowly, "it didn't really matter if we accepted or not, because it... the job..."

I trailed off with a sigh. How could I possibly begin to explain this?

"We were unknowing targets of the Survey Corps," I said decidedly. "Hearing word of what we did, a few soldiers - well, one - became interested in us. After some observation, they decided they wanted us. But that same soldier had some dirt on an old bag which was decreasing his funding to the scouts, so he wanted us to kill him."

Just thinking of killing Erwin was strange, even now. Time blurred everything, but to think that we'd been so adamant on doing it was strange, because he became such a close, trusted comrade.

I wondered for a moment if Farlan and Isabel would have trusted him, if they survived? Or would they have preferred the noose after all, instead of pledging themselves to such a cause under a conman, the best we'd ever met? It was strange but, though I wanted to have hope that they would trust him, I had a hard time believing it. Maybe they would've, and maybe they wouldn't.

Then again, I would have no way to know for sure until I... well, you know.

"As was our plan, we were captured by the Survey Corps, brought up to the surface by force." I sighed wistfully - not at the terrifying thought of being captured, but of the beautiful memory of reaching the surface for the very first time.

"Goddesses, you were right. It was so much better than I imagined. I can't believe you didn't reassign to the surface as soon as you stepped foot down here. Then again... you'd have never taken me in if you did, so I guess I shouldn't complain."

Or maybe I could complain, because I so desperately wanted him to have a good life. He was my father, and though if his never being in the underground city resulted in us never having met, in me having been killed by debt collectors, I wanted him to have so much more than he had.

It's why I worked so hard. It's why I vowed never to give up, even as he died and I wanted nothing more than to give into my grief. I couldn't give up, because if in the afterlife he was watching, I wanted him to be proud - and I vowed to be the daughter he could be proud of, because I was all he had.

I was his legacy, just as Emi was my own.

El wanted me to be better than him, but how was that possible?

I wanted Emi to be better than me... which would not be difficult. Not at all.

"We still had a job to do," I spoke. "We had our target, and our mission. With citizenship on the line, murdering one man seemed worth it. But we were taken on our first expedition outside the walls and... Oh, I wish you could've seen it. It's fresher, beyond the walls. It took my breath away."

I paused to collect my thoughts.

"It started to rain and Levi, he was kinda our leader, you know, so he took it upon himself to go out and kill Erwin Smith for us. But it was raining so hard it was difficult to see. Farlan, Isabel, and I found ourselves facing an abnormal. Those are the worst ones. I still hate even thinking of those damn things. It killed Farlan and Isabel, and nearly killed me too, but Levi came back. He saved me."

Sometimes, in my nightmares, I could still feel the squeezing pain of that titan's grasp, and I would be forced to listen to Levi's pained cries, again and again, as he worked to give that titan what it had coming to it. It was such an awful, awful day.

Forgetting the fact that I'd nearly died and two of my closest friends had, something about hearing someone as strong as Levi break down completely like that... It was tough.

"From then on, Levi and I dedicated ourselves to the Survey Corps. We were scouts through and through, following Erwin Smith, the man we'd once been following only to kill. Actually, he became a close friend of ours, and almost like a brother to me. We were asked to join the vanguard, then became a specialized, advanced unit. And soon after that, Levi and I were promoted to captains. See? Special Operations Squad, no less."

I took out the slip with my assignment, smiling as I held it towards the stone, as if he could read it.

"People began calling us the Wings of Freedom. You're laughing, aren't you? It is a bit silly, isn't it? But it's true. They call me the Blue Wing, second in strength only to Levi. He's the White Wing."

My eyes widened suddenly at the realization that I'd missed something so simple, yet so, so important.

"That's important to mention, huh?" My eyes softened. "We're in love, El. I'd fallen in love with him back when we were still underground. He had this tough facade, but he's kind, and sweet, and gentle, and clever, and..."

I smiled warmly, knowing I was getting lost in talking about him.

"He loves me, more than anything. And get this: we're still in love, to this very day. He's icky, just like you said, but... he makes me so happy, El. I wish you could've met him. Ah, but what else?"

I paused to collect my thoughts, and I set a finger to my chin as though to emphasize that. Then I snapped my fingers, smiling.

"That's right. So, the year 850. That was a busy one. You won't believe this, but there's a kid who can turn into a Titan, Eren Yeager. Well, he joined the scouts, but Erwin thought there might be more, because... oh, did I forget to mention that Wall Maria fell? Shit. I mean, shoot."

I could just hear him chastising me for swearing now. The thought brought a grin to my face, despite the grave topic I was about to explain.

"A Titan bigger than the Wall appeared outside Shiganshina and broke the outer gate. Another appeared, smaller but armored, and broke through the inner one. We lost Wall Maria, and our expeditions were limited to taking care of the titans swarming inside. But this kid, Eren, was from Shiganshina, and joined the military."

I continued my story as though telling a story across from a campfire from a group a children, with suspended disbelief and hardly a moment to breathe.

"...and the Female Titan appeared. She stole Eren but we stole him back, leaving her in the forest, but Levi broke his leg in the process, or nearly. Only days later, we tried trapping her in Stohess, but she went on a rampage through the city."

I frowned.

"To this day, she's sitting in a crystal she made to protect herself," I continued, and I went on, talking about the Titans in the walls and the identities of the Colossal and Armored Titans.

I explained our victory in getting Eren back from them, but how Erwin lost his arm and how scary it was. I talked about how the scouts were ordered to return to the capital as fugitives for harboring Eren, for not listening to their demands (not like that part was new to myself or Levi), and at last reaching the end of the coup and discovering the true royal lineage.

"We had a plan to retake Wall Maria," I said, "but I couldn't go, for... a very fun reason. Anyway, over two hundred soldiers left, our scouts and others pulled from other regiments, but only... only nine returned. Many good friends and trusted comrades of mine died, including Erwin and so many more. But Levi made it back, thankfully. Goddesses, I'm so thankful for that, even now. But for all the strife, and all the loss... they took back Wall Maria."

I glanced into my lap, at my hands that had long stilled.

"I nearly forgot to mention it, but..." I smiled up towards the gravestone. "Levi and I got married, amidst all the chaos. And I couldn't fight to reclaim the wall because I was pregnant. We've got a beautiful baby girl, El. The sweetest little girl in the world, our little Emiko."

A fresh wave of tears welled up and I bit my lip to keep it from quivering.

"I have your patch framed above our mantle, right in the living room. She loves hearing stories about you. And I love telling them."

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a Military Policeman crouch down by a grave, just down the row from me. I stopped talking, out of respect, as he trailed a shaky hand down the front side of it, his head bowed. He didn't stay long, pressing a kiss to the stone before returning to his duties. I watched him go, the sounds of his footsteps eventually fading into nothing. I returned my attention to El's.

"She takes after her father, mostly, but that's alright. If you're..." I sighed again. "If you're really there, I want you to know that I miss you so much. Not a day goes by that I don't. I worry so much that I'm not doing right by her, that I'm not doing a good job like you did for me. Levi and I do our best for her, and for each other, and for humanity, and... I try to be so strong for them."

An icy vice gripped my heart.

"But I'm terrified," I said in a rush. "Our tiny island is nothing compared to the rest of the world and war is coming for us, El. I want my little girl to grow up safe, with both parents, and to be normal, but I'm so scared that at least one of us will die when the world's armies close in on us. I don't want to lose them. I can't."

My voice cracked and I cried out, pressing the heel of my hand to my eye, trying to stall the flow of tears. "And what if I'm not doing enough? I'm damn useless compared to everyone in my regiment, L-Levi included, and..."

I sniffled, refusing to cry here. And yet... yet it was so difficult to.

"El, I want nothing more than to make you proud, but I... I don't know if I... I've done so much wrong, and yet almost nothing a-at all; how could you possibly be proud of me after all of that? I... I miss you so much... I don't know what I'm doing half the damn time, and... El, I need you still. I'm a grown woman but, I... I feel like I'm still a little girl stumbling around. I still need you... Goddesses, El, I miss you!"

My words came out in a wail and I sobbed openly, hunched over on my knees, my hands pressed to my face. If he were looking at me now, what would he think? Would a few victories against Titans be enough to atone for my years of being a criminal? I wasn't even one of the heroes that had fought against Marley's warriors. I'd only ever fought Annie directly, and look where she is now.

Everything that had been done for humanity... I hadn't taken part of it. I wasn't one of the Heroes of Shiganshina. I wasn't Eren. I hadn't fought Bertholdt, Reiner, or Zeke that day. I'd killed a few titans, but so what? As far as being a soldier went, fighting for all of humanity, I was damn useless compared to the kids and to my husband.

I was pulled from my thoughts by a sudden tap on my shoulder. I gasped in shock and fell to one hip, a hand supporting me as I opened my eyes, only to see my daughter, shocked and upset. Emi jumped a little at my reaction, wide-eyed. She frowned, a quiver appearing in her lip.

"Emi, baby, come here," I said, reaching for her.

She threw her arms around my neck and I squeezed my eyes shut as I leaned my head against hers. I worked to catch my breath. My heart felt like it was beating a million times a minute and I took a quiet moment to collect myself.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," I said, running a soothing hand up and down her back. "I'm so sorry, I... I was just surprised, that's all. It's alright."

"I'm sorry," she said, clutching me tighter.

"Shh," I cooed, "it's alright. Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong, Emi. It's not your fault. It's ok; we're alright."

Nothing could have prepared me for the shame I felt in being found like this. I never meant to look so weak in front of Emi. I had to be strong, for her.

And to look so weak, in front of Levi. I opened my eyes, and there, only a few feet away, stood Levi, one hand in his pocket. The other was holding a bouquet of poppies. My breath hitched at the sight. The flowers, as pretty as they come, were often used to recognize veterans for their efforts when placed at their graves. Had I really been so predictable?

Emi pulled away, squishing my cheeks in her hands. "Stop, please!" I smiled and sniffed, nodding at my daughter.

"Alright," I said decidedly, surely. "I'll stop crying. Only because you asked so nicely."

She smiled, happy with my answer, and began looking around, not sure exactly where she was. While she was distracted Levi crouched down at my side, easing himself down to sit next to me.

"Are you alright?"

I fought the urge to scoff. Of course, I wasn't. I was just a pathetic, crying, messy puddle of emotions in front of my husband, the love of my life, my best friend and the strongest man alive, who I wanted to be strong for - and my daughter, my heart and my light, my dearest love, who I needed to be strong for.

What a sorry sight I must be right now.

"I'll be okay," I said, watching Emi crouch down in the dirt, looking at a bug.

"That's not what I asked," he said.

"No," I answered. "I'm not alright."

I turned my head to meet his eyes. Odd. He'd found me in a pitiful state, but... there wasn't pity in his eyes. There wasn't disdain, disgust, irritation. Just some concern, and... a whole lot of love. Goodness, what had I done in this life of mine to deserve him? I looked back at Emi, still watching the bug crawl around.

"I never meant for her to have to come down into this damn place."

"She's a citizen of the surface," he said assuredly. "Just like us. They can't keep her here."

"Still," I sighed. "I never wanted her to see any of what this city has to offer."

"She can't meet her grandfather, otherwise," Levi said simply. My heart constricted at his words, almost painfully so. My eyes widened, and I turned to face him. He nodded encouragingly to me. He leaned forward to see around me at Emi. "Emi," he said, getting her attention, "come here."

She ran to her father, only for him to pick her up and hand her to me. I took her, lowering her to sit in my lap, leaning back against my chest.

"There's... Emi, there's someone I would like you to meet," I said quietly.

"Who?" She asked, looking around.

"We can't see him," I said, "but he can hear what we're saying." I pointed to the stone. "Do you see the stone there? He's right here, we just can't see him. This is my dad, your grandfather."

"Grand..." she repeated, looking intently at the stone. "Granpy?" She looked up at me. "Mama's dad?"

"That's right," I affirmed. "Just like this is your dad," I said, setting a hand on Levi's shoulder. She turned to look at him, eyes wide as she listened closely. He smiled gently at her, reaching out to swipe his thumb across her cheek. She giggled and faced the stone again. "This is my dad. He raised me."

"He's like papa?"

The question surprised me, but the answer came easily. "In so many ways, yes," I answered. "He was like your father. He took such good care of me when I was a little kid, just like your father takes care of you."

"Mama too," Emi said, inflection indicating it was a question as she leaned back against my chest and tilted her head back to look up at me.

"Just like her," Levi answered gently, his eyes on Emi. The words had more tears threatening to fall and Emi frowned, turning in my lap to bat them away.

"No, mama!"

"Sorry," I said, wiping them away. "I just... I haven't been able to see my dad in a long, long time. I miss him a lot."

"But we can still talk to him," Levi said to her. "That's what mama was doing when we got here."

"That's right," I said. "We can."

I lifted my chin, trying to control myself. Emi looked back at the stone as Levi scooted closer across the dirt, his leg a line of warmth against mine.

"I brought him these," Levi said, lifting the bouquet. "Figured I should make a good impression on my father-in-law." I smiled at him, watching as he held the flowers towards Emi. "Could you lay these right in front of the stone, Emi?"

"Mm!" She hummed happily, taking the flowers and crossing the small space to place them down gently. She began fixing them, smoothing them out. While I was occupied with watching her, Levi set a hand on my shoulder and leaned towards me, pressing his forehead to my temple, his eyes closed.

"He'd be proud of you, Maya," he said, only loud enough for my ears to hear. I closed my eyes and took in a deep, steadying breath. "We all are. Don't you dare believe otherwise."

I didn't mean to be so damn unsure of myself. I never had been, before. At least, not openly. I hadn't ever really expressed my insecurities to anyone, much less Levi. I'd never wanted to burden him with them.

I wasn't sure how much he'd heard, but it didn't really much matter. I'm sure that whether he was here for the whole story or just the tail end, he got the gist of it. He'd seen me completely break apart and the burdens that I'd carried had spilled out in front of him.

I didn't have time to ask even myself how he could've possibly felt seeing me like this, because I broke down into tears again. Wordlessly, he took me into his arms, allowing me to cry into his neck, my body against his.

I'd always felt safe in Levi's arms but never had being held been so liberating. He'd just seen me at my worst. All the thoughts I'd been carrying around, those secret few that I'd kept from him because he had enough to deal with were now exposed to him.

I didn't hide them for the sake of hiding them, or to be dramatic, but because until now, they were superficial. They'd never bothered me this much before, but something about relaying my life story to El – as a ghost, no less – had triggered something in me and everything I'd been holding back came rushing to the surface.

"We can talk about this at home," Levi said quietly, "once you're ready. Just... You're not useless, okay? I didn't think I needed to be the one to tell you that. But I'll tell you however much you need."

"Okay," I managed to choke out between sobs. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't apologize, sweetheart," he muttered. "You didn't do a damn thing wrong. I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner."

There was an odd strain in his voice, like he was in pain. Did it really hurt him to... to learn that I'd been hurting in minute ways? I suppose it made sense. I always wanted him to be open with me, but... I was a hypocrite. Claiming that my problems weren't as bad, he didn't need to know because they would only become extra weights on his shoulders.

But this... this was no better, was it?

"El would've loved you," I decided to say once my tears started to slow. I couldn't really think of anything else to say. "I know that for a fact."

"Yeah," he said. "I would've liked to meet him."

I managed to say, "He might've been one Military Policeman you actually would like."

"He raised you," he said, "so I'm sure he wasn't all that bad."

I sniffed and resettled more comfortably against Levi, freeing up one hand to wipe away my tears. "Did you take her out to eat this morning?"

"No," he said. "There's no way I'd have known how to pronounce half the shit on the menu if you weren't there. But I've got the money with me. We'll go whenever you're ready."

"You didn't need to wait for me," I protested.

"You think I was going to willingly go eat a fancy-ass breakfast without you, dumbass? I'd get... ogled by all those rich pigs, you know that."

"Oh, I see," I said weakly, yet playfully. "You needed me for security detail."

"Tch," he uttered. "I'd look like some kind of toy or freak show to them."

"Then maybe we'd better find a nice tea shop to head to instead," I suggested.

"I don't give a shit where we go," he admitted, "as long as you're there."

I chose not to comment on how sweet his words were for now. Instead, I said, "Maybe don't swear in front of your father-in-law."

"I'm only trying to make a good impression," he said teasingly, "not lie to him."

"Fair point, I suppose," I said. "We should... start heading out, I think."

"Are you sure?" Levi asked. "I don't know when we'll be back. It could be a while before you can visit again."

"I know," I sighed. "But sitting on the ground in this damn city isn't quite how I wanted to spend my day. Just letting everything out like that... I feel a lot better now, love. Thank you."

After a few more minutes, we said our goodbyes to El, and I promised that it wouldn't be years before my next visit. With misty eyes and a watery smile, I kissed the pads of two of my fingers, then pressed them to the stone gently.

My fingers lingered there for a moment before there was a gentle tug on my skirt. Looking down, I was met with Emi's wide smile as she lifted her arms in a silent question to be picked up. I hefted her up, only for her to lean down and touch her hand to the top of the gravestone as I had.

The simple movement had my eyes watering again, but the three of us left the cemetery and ascended to the surface, together.