"So ist es immer", a moniker that once, long ago, I had sung damn near daily.

It was a simple phrase, one that I had long since forgotten the meaning of or at the very least neglected to live by - but not anymore.

So it is always.

It... being very many things. In a world like this one, the one we lived in, very little was certain. Very little was dependable, to be there day in and day out. Life was but a fickle mistress, as were health, wealth, happiness, and a great many other things.

Conversely, there were many things that were certain. As I grew to learn, there were things that were rather dependable, things that would be there day in and day out. Pain, the sun and moon, and... and love.

Within our three walls, while the state of our lives was always something we had to worry for because we could get attacked or catastrophe could strike at any moment, we still had to live. We had to. For us in the scouts, we still had to fight, train, and remain at the ready. For the citizens, they too had their jobs, and everything that went into their day to day lives.

Something we all experienced was pain - pain of the body, the mind, and of the heart.

But we also all experienced love.

I couldn't help but think about it on the walk home from Reyes' home. Seeing the flags of the emblem I bore proudly swaying in the wind for a victory hard-fought - though not by myself - was bittersweet. My heart was broken at the thought that so many had perished, and now that I was by myself, the stunning yet terrible weight of it all settled atop my shoulders. 

It was a different type of weight than before. When I was alone during the mission, the worry was what weighed down on me. Worry for their safety, their wellbeing, not least of all those for my husband and following him, my subordinates, for they were so young and after them... my dearest comrades.

Though I trusted Levi to be strong, as Levi always was, battles were dangerous.

Though I trusted my subordinates to support each other, battles were dangerous.

Though I trusted my dearest friends to stay safe, battles were dangerous.

That was yet another constant.

The weight that settled on me now was of a different kind. The burden of those lives lost was heavy against my shoulders. I hadn't dared yet ask what exactly had happened, for it hadn't mattered at the time, but I couldn't help but be curious in a sick, terrible way. What could possibly have happened for Moblit, for Dirk, for Marlene, for Rashad, for dozens upon dozens of scouts, and for Erwin, to all have died?

I couldn't think of any one threat that could have done it. So either they found themselves caught in a trap Erwin hadn't anticipated, they'd all been separated, or the easiest of the possibilities: that things had gone horribly, catastrophically, wrong.

I shivered at the thought, or at least at the chill seeping into my bones. It didn't really matter to me. I held the bundle of my things closer to my chest as though it would help me keep warm, but I knew it was futile.

I couldn't feel warm, and I surely wouldn't, not until I was at Levi's side once more, for that was one of the few constants we had: love. I loved him, and I couldn't be more relieved that he had returned safely, just as he had promised. Our family would be whole... or nearly.

I loved Moblit and my fellow commanding officers, and I certainly loved Erwin like a brother, just as I had loved Farlan and Isabel, and Moses and Mike, and Nanaba and Gelgar, and Eld and Gunther and Olou and Petra. I had loved them all... just as I had loved Caden, and my father.

But they were gone now.

They weren't coming back.

They were gone... but the love remained.

So it would always.

Lost in my thoughts as I was, I made it back to the branch office sooner than I knew it. It caught me by surprise, but I stepped inside quickly, the silence of the hall music to my ears after the head-pounding noise of the celebrations outside. I let out a breath, suddenly very tired - still, I had no right to complain. There was still work to be done.

I made my way to the wing of the base where the living spaces were. I wasn't entirely used to this base yet, but for the time being, it was home. I entered our room quietly and shut the door behind me. The small room was empty, and since Levi wasn't in bed, I knew he was still in the bath. I wasn't worried, for I hadn't been gone long.

I set the bundle of my things down on the desk, took my shoes and uniform jacket off, leaving the jacket to hang on the coat-rack. I took a quiet moment to warm up and enjoy a few more sips of tea before entering the bathroom.

"I'm back," I announced quietly before entering the room. 

After waiting for a silent beat, I stepped into the bathroom and took in the sight before me. Levi had his eyes closed and his head was resting back on the edge of the tub. At the sound of my quiet footfalls approaching him, he opened his eyes and looked over at me, and for what seemed like the first time all day, our eyes met.

I crouched down by the edge of the tub and set my arms against the edge to lean on. "How are you feeling, Levi?"

"Fine," he said simply, quietly.

There was no bite, no defiance in his tone. Just exhaustion. I'd heard his voice like this before, on different occasions. When Farlan and Isabel died, and later, when our first squad perished by Annie's hand. To hear his voice like this, so tired, and to know that his emotions and his energy were spent and that he was empty... the realization made my chest constrict painfully. It hurt to see him like this, it really did.

"Are you injured anywhere?"

"No," he said right away.

"You're sure? Not even bruises or anything?"

"No," he pressed firmly. "Stop fussing over me. The others are in worse shape than I am."

"I'm not everyone else's wife," I explained quite simply, the constriction holding my heart hostage lessening just a bit because at the very least, he was speaking again and his voice found some of its strength once more. "The others have each other to lean on, and after losing Moblit and Erwin, Hange's going to want to grieve alone, you know that. So I'm going to worry about you whether you want it or not, but if you like, I can leave you alone."

"You," he said slowly, choosing not to respond to my last sentence for one reason or another, "should be in bed resting."

"I'm sure you're right," I said, "but I've done a lot of resting these past few days."

Despite my words, I relented anyway, leaning in towards him slowly, intending to press a kiss to his cheek - but only if he wanted it. He did not lean away, nor deny my advances, so I progressed slowly and softly, offering him every opportunity to pull away, but he did not. I kissed his cheek, drawing away after a moment.

"Don't be in here for too much longer," I told him. "I don't want you wrinkling up like a prune."

With that, I left the small bathroom, heading with a yawn to the bookshelf. I grabbed the first book I could reach and settled myself on the bed with my back to the headboard. The book I grabbed was a fictional tale with a promising premise, but I found that I couldn't focus much on it, though I certainly tried to.

There was too much on my mind, and the words on the pages were nothing more than jumbled letters that my brain refused to focus on. It wasn't very long before I heard the water in the tub swish around, and I knew Levi was getting out.

A few minutes later, he stepped out in only pajama pants, drying his hair with the towel as he did. My eyes lifted from the page to watch him approach the bed, searching for new injuries on his body. From what I could see, there was nothing, only a fresh bruise or two that joined old scars and the damn-near permanent imprint of the gear straps webbing across his body.

"Put a shirt on," I told him. "It's a cold night out."

"I'm warm from the bath," he said, lowering the towel and using one hand to fix his hair.

When he lowered the towel, I was graced with the sight of his hair, ruffled and fluffy from the bath, but he didn't seem to mind at the moment, and neither did I. He hung the towel up to dry and came to sit on the edge of the bed with his back to me. He leaned forward and set his head in his hands, his elbows braced against his thighs, and if he hadn't gone through hell these past few days, I'd have draped myself over him and beg for attention.

But I couldn't do that.

This wasn't about me.

I watched for a moment his breathing, of the delicate muscles and sinews of his back rise and fall and his ribcage expanding as he inhaled.

"When you're cold in the morning," I said, finally responding to his words and closing the book at the same time, "don't come crying to me." 

From here, as I gave him all my focus, I could see the littering of scars on his back, the way that from this angle, he looked so fragile, so soft - not the battle-hardened, strong and tough-as-nails soldier I knew him to be in the battlefield. Here, he was Levi, and nothing more. He was Levi, my husband, the father of our child.

...a man needing so much right now, I didn't know where to start, or if he would even let me.

At my words, he surprised me by responding, and did so by turning his head to look at me incredulously over his shoulder. Because I hadn't expected it, I reacted earnestly: I smiled at him cheekily, setting the book on the nightstand next to me.

"So much for fussing over me," he muttered, his words not holding any heat.

"I fuss over what I cannot control," I began to explain. "I wasn't there at your side for the mission, so I'm going to fuss over you about that - your injuries, for example. However, I told you to put a shirt on because it's cold. If you don't, well, it's out of my hands and you deserve no fussing from me." At my words he let a smirk grace his face, but it faded quickly, as did our eye contact. His eyes drifted from mine slowly, seeming reluctant to do so and yet from the action alone, I saw all I needed to.

"Come here, my love," I said softly, reaching towards him. In the silence of the room, I knew he would hear the words, quiet though they were. "I want to hold you."

He met my eyes briefly, but I knew exactly what they were trying to say. He didn't need to voice the words for me to hear them. And I want to be held.

With very little hesitation, Levi crawled up the bed towards me, and I stretched my legs out in front of me in preparation, still leaning back against the headboard. He got onto his side next to me and rested his head on my thighs and set his arms around me as best he could in that position. I settled my arms around his shoulders and smiled when he sighed, closing his eyes and giving in to my touch completely and wholly.

"I missed you, Levi," I told him. "More than you know. More than I know how to say."

"I think I've got some idea," he responded. "I didn't want you there, but I wanted..."

"I understand what you're trying to say," I assured him. "I get it. You don't need to explain further."

All was quiet in the room then, save for the gentle sounds of us breathing. I thought that maybe he'd fallen asleep, but after a few minutes, he spoke.

"Everything went wrong," he said quietly. I almost missed his words, having been focused on just appreciating the fact that he was still here, and I could still even hold him.

"What was that?" I asked, looking down at the mess of black hair resting against me.

"It all went wrong," he said once more. "The mission was doomed from the start."

"How do you figure?"

"They knew we were coming," he answered. "But we expected that much. Eren got the first gate sealed right away. We weren't stupid enough to let our guard down or call it a victory so soon. But... we halted the mission. We hadn't seen any of our enemies yet."

"No enemies at all? Not even Titans?"

"No," he answered. "None."

"Strange," I considered. "But probably intentional - they wanted to lull you into a false sense of ease, I bet."

"That's what we figured," Levi responded. "Armin had a feeling that our enemies were hiding inside the walls, and Erwin chose to believe him."

"So, were they?"

"Reiner was," he confirmed. "Waiting for us to let our guard down so he could surprise us. The first casualty of the mission was the sorry son of a bitch that found Reiner's hiding spot. As soon as the coward showed himself, I tried to kill him. But I failed."

I could hear the spite in his voice. He was disappointed in himself. I knew that no matter what I said, there was no changing how he felt, and if put in the same situation... I'd likely feel the same way.

"That's when everything went wrong," he went on to say.

My eyes widened slightly, not at his words but at their implications. Did he blame himself for everything having gone wrong? I didn't doubt it. He always was one to take the blame. It wasn't healthy, but he was too stubborn to accept anything else.

"Where were the others?"

"We had the new recruits with the horses on one side of Wall Maria," he said, "with our squad and Hange on the other where Reiner was, in Shiganshina. The Beast Titan appeared before the recruits, caging us in with a circle of Titans standing like guards. Not only did he block the route for the horses, but it somehow controlled all the Titans in the area. Hell, it sent a shit ton of small Titans after them."

"They must've been so scared," I said, knowing damn well that a recruit's first encounter with Titans were never easy - and for recruits who volunteered from other regiments, well...

"I killed what I could," Levi continued, "but the recruits couldn't do a damn thing without any actual experience. The damn thing made sure we had nowhere to go. It tossed Bertholdt over the wall, so on that side, they had to deal with the Armored and Colossal."

"They had it all planned out," I said, more to myself than to him. I was trying to rationalize what he was telling me. Not only did they plan it, but they'd ensured they were in prime positions to pincer them in.

"Hange's squad died in the explosion when Bertholdt transformed," Levi said, giving me no more time to try to come to terms with what he'd said. "On our side, the Beast Titan threw boulders, destroying what little cover we had more and more with each throw."

He was quiet for a moment, gathering his thoughts. I let him, running a hand up and down his back gently in a quiet form of comfort.

"Amaya... I didn't think any of us were going to get out of there alive."

I felt my breath catch. By not continuing the story directly, by referring to me by name, making sure I heard what he said...

It had shaken him. Deeply. Terribly. All the way down to his core.

He had been scared. And to be honest, I didn't blame him. Just hearing about it scared me. They'd been trapped, right from the start. Despite Erwin's intuition, Levi's heightened senses, Hange's instinct... They'd all gotten caught. Our... or perhaps their experience had been useless, so too did that of the young scouts in our squad.

I'm not sure what I would've done if I was there. Thinking about it now, if I wasn't pregnant or if I hadn't told anyone or didn't even know myself, and if I was there... If I was ordered to fight away from his side, and knew the situation we were in, I'm sure I would've refused. I'd have taken him and ran.

...No, I wouldn't.

He wouldn't let me. And I surely wouldn't have let myself.

His sense of duty, and my own, were far too strong.

"But you did," I said softly, but no less surely than if I had told him that I loved him - it was obvious, and didn't need to be said, but I wanted to... and in a way, I'm sure he wanted to hear it. And besides, it was the truth, though I was sure it was a hard one to bear: they had made it out alive, if only a few of them. "Make it out, I mean. What did you do?"

"It was Erwin's idea," he told me. "I don't know exactly what happened on the other side of the wall, all we could focus on was what was happening in front of us. Erwin ordered me to take down the Beast Titan. As it was, I wouldn't have gotten close. I'd have died long before I made it to him with the way it was throwing rocks and the Titans standing ready. But..."

He clicked his tongue, forcefully cutting himself off. With him gone, even the mere mention of Erwin - and of his memory, all we had of him left - was sure to be hard, and it was. It was hard to think about him. It was hard to think of all we had gone through together. And it was hard to think that I hadn't been with him in his dying moments.

"It's alright," I assured Levi. "You're safe here. Take all the time you need."

After a quiet moment, he continued, but only once he drew a deep breath in to steel his nerve and restore some fire to his belly.

"He ordered me to face the Beast," Levi reiterated. "Erwin led the remaining recruits on a suicide charge. I promised him I'd take the bastard down."

A pit formed in my stomach, one solid and heavy and indomitable. It was the weight of such a truth, because for a moment, just hearing those words from Levi made me feel like I was there. In an impossible situation... No, no - it was backwards. That was why the pit formed. Why would Erwin...

So close to his dream? So close? And he led a suicide charge, one without a chance of survival?

No, if anyone... if anyone were to sacrifice himself... I'd have thought it was Levi. Not Erwin.

For as long as I knew him, other soldiers were pawns - he valued his soldiers, yes, but... it was more than that. Erwin had a dream, and the ends justifies the means to him. He would send all of us to our deaths if it meant achieving his goals, and he had. It's how he lived, it's how he led. So how...?

As though sensing my inner turmoil, Levi sat up. He stayed close, settling himself to cross his legs before him and sitting just beside me, facing me, his thigh pressed to my own. His eyes met my own, glassy and the blue was closer to a stormy gray, with tumultuous clouds brewing, indicative of coming tears.

But he held them back... for now.

Instead, he reached out, his hand finding my own. "I see it in your eyes," he said, his voice a low, gentle murmur. "You don't believe it."

"I don't think you'd lie to me," I told him. "It's not that. I just..." I shook my head. "I knew Erwin as well as you. He's not selfless, and you know that. He would sacrifice himself, and he has, but only when his intuition is so incredibly certain that he'll be alright, and that others will be there to act as fodder. Like when chasing after Reiner, right, he led all those Titans there, not worried about the Military Police volunteers who had never seen a Titan before in their lives and though he got caught, he knew that I would be there to save him - and that anyone would, if I hadn't gotten there first."

"I know."

"Then how...?"

"He didn't make the choice."

"I mean, this mission was meant to pave the way for his dream, and... What?" I blinked owlishly, wondering if I'd heard his quiet words properly. "What did you just say?"

"He didn't make the choice," he repeated. When I shook my head, he knew I still didn't understand, so he continued. "He told me about this potential plan, but it was clear that he didn't want to go through with it. But he knew it was the only viable way to take care of the Beast Titan and ensure that at least some soldiers made it out alive - even if he didn't, himself."

"No recruit would gladly charge to their death without a leader," I breathed out. "Am I right?"

Levi nodded rather gravely. "He had to be at the front. It would mean his death, but no one would charge, otherwise. If you were there... he'd have likely sent you."

I couldn't help but shrug and laugh lightly, for his words were true. He would. If it was a leader the recruits needed, they would have one - whether it was myself or him wouldn't matter, but honestly... I'd have likely volunteered myself, if necessary.

The selfless... against the selfish.

It's how it was.

It's how we were.

"So how did you..."

"He couldn't make the decision - or maybe he wouldn't. It doesn't matter, because I did it for him." His gaze drifted away, glazing over with more storm clouds, of memories that hurt to bear and thoughts that weighed down on him as though true, physical weights. "Give up on your dreams and die, I told him. And he did."

I didn't dare cut in. I was no fool, I knew what the two meant to each other - comrades, yes, to the end they were trusting, dependable comrades to each other. But it went further than that.

"He led the recruits from the front. On their horses, they charged."

"How did you get close? The Beast was throwing boulders, wasn't he?"

"I used the Titans to get close," he explained. His eyes met my own, and I met them surely, without wavering and without shying away from their sudden intensity. "Like you enjoy doing." When I let a small smile grace my features, he continued on. "The Beast was distracted by the frontal assault."

"With Erwin at the front of it all," I mused, trying to picture it.

Goddesses, what a way to go. Always so brave, so courageous. I closed my eyes, offering a quiet prayer for the brave souls that'd followed our fearless commander to their deaths, and a secondary, though no less important one for the commander himself... not that I thought he would need it.

"I almost had him," Levi bit out, his voice dangerous and his tone bitter. "But god damn it, the stupid bearded bastard got away."

"He got away...?" I repeated without really meaning to, my eyes opening and surely looking at him incredulously. I shook my head, trying to rationalize that in my mind: the Beast Titan, or at least this bearded bastard who manned it, had gotten away? "How?"

The thought honestly, truly surprised me. Levi in that moment would have been ruthless. Why wouldn't he have just killed him right away? The man who took the life of our beloved commander and so many brave recruits, and who likely wouldn't stop until all those who bore the Wings of Freedom were dead...

No, that's right, he had the serum. If Erwin wasn't killed right away, he could've...

"There was another Titan," Levi began. "It was ugly as hell, but it grabbed him and retreated towards the wall, towards Shiganshina. The bearded bastard ordered the Titans to kill me, but after they were taken care of, I went after them. Once back over the wall, I told Eren to give me his blades and gas so I could pursue, but he had Bertholdt, and Reiner was off dying somewhere else. Armin was there too... Burnt to a crisp."

As he relayed it to me, I pieced it together. His irksome, rather biting tone, the irritated pinch in how brow... I knew what he was going to say before he even said it. Armin was still here, he was alive, but Erwin was not.

"...But he was still breathing," Levi finished.

I could see where this was going.

"I was going to use the serum on Armin," he continued after a moment, his idle fingers finding refuge against my palm. "But that new recruit, Floch - he found Erwin, brought him to us. He was alive, just barely holding on."

I could only imagine Levi then, forced into that situation. I curled my fingers around his own, holding them securely but it wasn't enough. I wanted to hold him closer, to hug him close, but it wasn't what he needed right now.

Goodness, all of this... and all at once... This poor man. To have gone through it and to still be alive to speak about it... Hadn't he been through enough?

Having to decide between saving the life of a kid, a child, who shouldn't have even needed to fight in a war, and the life of one of his closest, dearest friends, someone who became something of a rock, a pillar, a brother.

"I wanted to use it on Erwin," Levi went on to say. "Eren and Mikasa... They didn't like that, and they were ready to draw blood." Well, that certainly explained them being detained. "In the end, I made the choice. I used it on Armin. It was not his place to die, but... I decided this was Erwin's time to rest."

I nodded. It's what I had feared. Levi had needed to make the decisions, even the ones that would hurt him the most. But when weighed against the future, the future he wanted so dearly to protect...

Levi vowed always to not lead a life he would regret. He would make decisions based on what he knew at the time, and fight for what he wanted - which was firstly for peace, secondly to achieve Erwin's dream.

Erwin's dream didn't need him around to be achieved. But a peaceful future...

I wondered what the reasoning was for that. I didn't doubt him, but it was certainly interesting.

"Why Armin? I understand why not Erwin, but why Armin?"

"Whenever I look at him," Levi said quietly, his eyes finding my own, "I see the same look I once saw in Erwin's."

"But," I prompted, knowing it was coming.

"But," Levi spoke, summoning a deep breath to fill his lungs, "it had long since left his eyes. He was blind to everything but his goals. But Armin sees something we don't, something he's inspired them all to want to see."

"I see," I considered, still holding strong against all the grief settling in and holding my heart within a vice. 

There was hope, the hope Levi could see in Armin's eyes and in the spirits of those brave young scouts we now led. There was hope, and that thought had some of that grief lessening - but only some.

"You're not... upset with me, right?"

"What? Levi, no, of course not," I answered right away. "Upset? With you? Why would I...?"

"For not saving Erwin."

I shook my head. "It wasn't my choice to make. Even if it was, I don't know what I would choose unless I was in the situation myself, right? That's how it goes."

"Right, but..."

"You don't regret it, do you?"

"No," he said, and for his part, he sounded honest and genuine and incredibly, awfully earnest. When next he spoke, his voice was a rueful hiss. "Of course not. But god dammit, it hurts."

"Oh, Levi," I murmured, at last taking him into my arms. He went willingly into them, shifting closer and letting me guide him to lean against me. His weight against me, his head against my shoulder, and his hands gripping tightly to my shirt were all of the comforting kind, and I leaned down to press a kiss to his hair. "I can only imagine how hard you all fought."

"I made a promise to him, Amaya," he said, lifting his head from my shoulder to look at me. His eyes were narrow, glassy, and so close to letting loose the tears. I know how much Erwin meant to him. Hell, he meant a lot to both of us. But like every death, we could not let it be in vain.

This fight was not over. Oh, no. Far from it. We had to keep fighting, not only for ourselves, but for him and every other life lost.

"I will kill that bastard. I swear it."

"I believe you," I said. "Erwin lived well, and he led us well. He might not have seen for himself that he was right, but he knew. I truly believe that. Though his dream of knowing the truth didn't require him being around for it... he knew. Your fight was incredibly hard, but you made it back. And for what it's worth, I trust your judgment - I always have. And so did he."

As he melted back into my embrace, I could see a million different things fighting in his mind and that tension was found easily in his face. His jaw was set, his brow furrowed, and he looked absolutely exhausted.

But again, I didn't blame him. With all the fighting he'd done, I could only imagine just how tired he was. And it wasn't all physical exhaustion. No, he must've been tired in every sense of the word, exhausted mentally and emotionally as well.

"Many sacrifices were made," I continued, "but you did it. I'm proud of you, all of you. For you to make a decision like that... You did a damn good thing, Levi. You thought of the future of the Survey Corps, but not just us, but all of our part of humanity. I'll miss Erwin, we all will. But you and I know all too well that sometimes, it's just someone's time to go. It was a terrible power they gave you."

"Terrible, huh," he considered quietly, his warm breath ghosting across the skin of my neck.

"Terrible," I affirmed. "They figured it'd be clear cut: you can bring someone back. You can rescue someone from the clutches of death - no one could have imagined you'd have to choose, not between two incredibly important soldiers." A rebellious, defiant, and incredibly deserved tear rolled down my cheek, but I wiped it away before it could fall any further than my chin.

"Levi," I murmured, urging myself not to let my voice waver, "thank you for coming back to me."

"When I went to fight the beast," he said, his voice almost timid and uncertain, very uncharacteristically him, "I actually thought I was going to die. All I could think about was how I wanted to see you again. If not for long, just to... to say goodbye."

"Don't," I said softly, but stopped myself from speaking more. He needed to say this - and I would not stop him.

"Whatever happens in the future, being there and without you taught me I don't want to be without you, ever - and it taught me what I would do to return to you."

I drew him in closer to my chest; if he could only hear what my heart wanted to tell him, he would never be left wanting for anything in this life, for as long as we had it. If only it was so simple as my heart getting what it wanted - for us to be safe, for these thoughts to be all that was necessary for that to happen. But it wasn't that simple - for the future my heart and I wanted for us, we would have to fight for it.

"I want to see our child grow up," he continued. "I want to see the future where we can have that damn shop, something of our own. But I was prepared to give my life if it meant success for the others, or a better shot of them making it out safely."

"I know," I assured him. "That's just how you are." I smiled through watery eyes, and it took all I had not to cry outright. "I knew that you wouldn't be selfish. If it came down to it, I knew that you'd gladly give your life. You're no Erwin, and that's the biggest difference between you two. You'd give yourself to protect him, and achieve his goals - he would send you to your death if it meant his survival."

Levi's hold on me tightened, and I knew he agreed - though it was a terrible truth to bear.

"At least by the end, he allowed you to choose, and I'm glad it didn't come to you giving your life. But I knew it was a possibility."

"It came close," he reminded me, sitting up once more so he could meet my eyes.

"It did," I agreed. "I never let go of the possibility in my mind. But what matters is that you fought hard, and you're here now. And Wall Maria has been retaken from those bastards - it's ours once more, at long last. Our enemies ran away, their tails between their legs, and they won't be coming back for more anytime soon, I'm sure. It was a battle hard fought, and a road incredibly long... and though the price was high, it was a victory, bittersweet though it is."

"We'll take the fight to them," he told me, some of that fire returning to his eyes.

"We'll give them hell," I affirmed. "You will get the chance to kill that beast. You'll give him what he has coming for him - and he's got a lot coming for him. But for now, we wait. It all seems hopeless now, without Erwin, Moblit, and every other life lost." I paused to collect my thoughts, to restore some of my nerve, and when I reached out to palm his cheek, it did just that. "But the sun will come out again, my darling. I know you're in pain, but I'm here for you, always."

I leaned in close, slowly yet not hesitantly, to press a kiss to his forehead. He closed his eyes at the action before letting them flutter open once I pulled away. "Thank you," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

"My love," I said softly, "I'm here with you until the end. I'll do all I can to help you through this." One of his hands found the back of my neck, the other my cheek, and he guided me to him - and yet, somehow, amazingly, we missed. I chuckled against chin, for that's what my lips found, and I pulled away to brush my nose against his. Incredible, wasn't it? Our first kiss in so long, after a mission where he was without me, and we missed.

Despite this, I couldn't find it in me to tease him for it.

"I'm here for you," I reiterated with a smile, pulling away enough to meet his eyes. "So it has always been. And so it always will be."

Levi chuckled, despite the glassiness in his eyes, the exhaustion. "So it has." After a quiet, nearly awkward moment: "Can we kiss normally now, or is that too hard for you, brat?"

"I haven't seen you in a few days," I said, a smirk quirking up on my lips as he leaned in, "so I might need a reminder."

His eyes flickered back up to meet my eyes before looking back at my lips, his feline eyes rather enticing. "Pay close attention, then."

He kissed me sweetly, trailing his curled fingers across my cheek. I set my hands on his shoulders, kneading the muscles lightly, then smoothing them out across the expanse of his chest. He tucked his hand just under my ear, guiding me closer with the hand he placed on the small of my back. I sighed into his mouth, and at the sound he tugged me ever closer.

Goddesses, I'd missed him. My chest constricted just thinking about how much I'd missed him, about how nearly every time I'd closed my eyes I'd watched a new way for him to die, about how I longed for his touch, his kiss, the constant warmth he gave off.

He lowered his hand from my face to trail down my arm, to my hip, then to squeeze my leg. Even though the clothes, my skin seemed hyper-sensitive to his touch, after being starved of it for so long. I hummed in response to his hand on my thigh, knowing just what he was after.

"Levi," I said against his lips. He let out an impatient noise as he pressed his lips to mine again, wasting no time. I conceded, guiding him to lay against the wall. When he was comfortable, I eased myself to sit atop his thighs, straddling him but it wasn't about that, nor anything ulterior.

I knew this side of Levi. He just wanted me to be close, and to stay close, and to remind him that he was alive.

"I missed you," I continued. "So, so much."

Something I'd learned over the years was that there were a few different Levi's I could meet after an expedition. I'd seen them all. I was the much same way, sometimes being so overly-exhausted I was quick to anger, other times being so damn drained that I'd refuse to speak for hours, sometimes entire days after returning, other times being so needy for his touch.

Levi had a few different ways of coping as well; after some of the worse expeditions, he'd be so angry at the world in his grief that he'd snap at everything. Other times, he'd go quiet, abrasive and silent. At other times, he needed all the attention in the world, and at others he refused to let me touch him.

The Levi I had the pleasure of seeing tonight... He was stressed, exhausted, worked to death. He needed to feel. Having me here, having me against him... While intimate, it was sometimes just a way to reassure himself that he could still feel, that there was something left inside after seeing so much pain and suffering, after losing so much.

...It was also a reminder that he was loved.

His heart was hurting so, so bad. It was clear in his eyes, clear in his actions, clear in the way he held me. But he was exhausted, so much so that his muscles were aching and his body was trembling. I was not tired, and I knew he'd be hard-pressed to sleep tonight, but we needed to try. I'd stay up and chase all his demons away if he needed me to. But right now, what he needed was rest.

"We should head to bed, love," I suggested gently.

"No," he protested right away.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to... I can't..."

"I understand," I assured him, "but my dear, you are exhausted. I can tell." I leaned away so I could meet his gaze. "I want to stay up with you, I do, because I want to hold you and catch up and make up for lost time. But I also want you to sleep through the whole night." His eyes widened slightly. I pressed my forehead to his, my breath washing over him. "If you wake up even once, I expect you to let me know. You're strong, so strong, Levi, and I know that. But even you have your limits. I fear that you almost reached yours during this mission. Didn't you?"

His silence answered it for me, and it was a dreadful silence, for it did answer my question, when I didn't necessarily want it to.

"As I thought," I lamented. "The fighting is over for now. The war is not over, but this battle has been won, thanks to the hard work of everyone, and yours, especially. I want you to relax, Levi. I mean it. I want you to actually, truly, relax. Can you do that for me?"

"Amaya," he said, "you know I've never slept through an entire night."

"You get woken up by nightmares, bad thoughts, and so much else, I know that. But that's why I want you to wake me up if you do, because I can help you fall back asleep. I know I'm useless on a battlefield for a while, but I can at least do this. Please, love, take this time to recover. Not just physically, but mentally, too. Your body needs to recover, but so does your mind, and your heart."

I placed a hand on his chest, feeling the strong pounding of his heart beneath my palm, and he closed his eyes.

"The man that stepped off that lift today was a broken one, Levi. Please, allow me to help put you back together."

"Broken," he repeated. I heard the question he was asking, loud and clear.

"Broken," I affirmed. "There was a look in your eyes I haven't seen for a long time. The last time was when Farlan and Isabel died. I think... maybe you might've broken before. You could've already been broken when I met you. But when you get that look in your eyes, I... you stand so strong, but I can tell you feel so defeated, so disappointed in yourself. The thing is, you have no reason to be disappointed in yourself. I can see it in your eyes that you are, and I know exactly why you feel that way."

I took a deep breath in. Levi opened his eyes, beautiful blue eyes meeting mine. Beautiful, stormy blue eyes... conflicted, pleading, exhausted... yet beautifully blue all the same.

"You always think you could've done more. That you should've done more. I have never once looked at you and thought that you should be doing more. I didn't ever think there was any possible way for you to. You put more than all of yourself into whatever the hell it is you're doing. When I met you, it was that mindset of yours that inspired me. I wanted to be as strong as you were. If you could take everyone's burdens, you would. As far as I could tell back then, you could, and you did."

I paused to compose myself. Goddesses, where was all of this coming from?

"Back then, you did all that you could for us. You took on the role of leadership without even being asked. I suppose we should've asked you. And as time passed in the city, I grew to understand the layers and layers of depth you had hidden. You weren't just Levi, our leader. You were Levi, our leader, who so selflessly took the blame for our failures yet never any of the credit for our successes. Levi, who would so quickly risk himself to rescue us. Levi, the man who I fell in love with, for all of his faults, his cracks, his stubbornness."

His eyes were conflicted, yet he let me continue.

"I feel so lucky to be in your life, no less as your wife." I smiled with watery eyes, willing myself not to openly sob. "Sometimes I still can't believe it. But even now, you refuse help, never wanting anyone to share your burdens, even though you take everyone else's." I lifted my head from his to see him better. "You feel cursed, don't you? Nearly everyone you've loved has come and gone. How lucky am I, then, that you decided to take a chance on me?"

"You haven't died on me yet," he said.

"That's right," I said. "And I don't plan on dying for a long, long time. So that's why I want you to take this time to recover, Levi, and I mean really recover. Your burdens are not just yours to bear. You're going to keep working hard, I know that. There's no stopping that. And that's not what I ask. What I am asking of you is to let me help you. You aren't invincible, and you aren't alone. It's about time you realized it. You cannot do everything by yourself. But you don't need to. Do you get what I'm saying?"

He considered it quietly, letting his eyes drift away from me. "I understand," he finally said, bringing a smile to my face. He met my eyes again, more surely this time. "I'll try."

"That's all I ask," I said, leaning towards him. He met me halfway, kissing me gently. He pulled away first, setting his head against the headboard again.

"I," he began, immediately trailing off. He cleared his throat. "You don't have to do anything more tonight. All I want is to hold you, for now."

I couldn't help but smile at his words. "Alright," I said, getting off of him. I settled myself next to him and realizing I was still in his hoodie, I started to take it off, but Levi took hold of my hands, stilling them.

"You won't be too warm if you sleep with that on, will you?"

"Maybe," I said slowly. "As I said, it's a cold night out, but with you here... Just hold me close, and I'm sure I'll be warm enough." 

Then I saw the look in his eyes, and I decided to oblige him and not take the hoodie off. I did, however, toss my bra towards the foot of the bed and Levi was quick to follow my lead and get ready for bed. I got under the covers and Levi followed soon after, sticking as close to my side as possible. 

"Ah," I breathed out quietly, "I knew it."

"Knew what, you brat?" He got onto his side facing me and I mirrored him as he pulled the blanket up over us. I smirked at him, trying to contain my laughter.

"You do just find it hot when I wear your clothes."

"I don't," but he trailed off, caught in the act. 

His cheeks darkened slightly, and he suddenly couldn't meet my eyes. He pressed his hand to my forehead and pushed me away. With a laugh I rolled over, taking the chance to blow out the lone lit candle on the nightstand, leaving the room dark. When I rolled back over, he pulled me to him, his strong arms holding me close. I put my arm around him, his warmth already making me drowsy. I ducked my head against his neck, closing my eyes once comfortable. 

"It's just more convenient."

"Oh, yes," I said, "it's more convenient for you to sneak your clothes into my pile."

"Shut up," he said.

"You're lucky I love wearing your clothes," I said quietly. "Honestly, it was a really nice surprise while you were away. To have a piece of you, even one so simple... It was nice, so... thank you, for that. Oh, and I hope you actually get what I was trying to say. I can't help but feel like I talked in circles for a while."

"That's because you did talk in circles, Amaya," he said without missing a beat. "But I got the point."

"Good, then," I said, yawning again. It prompted a yawn out of Levi, who cursed halfway through.

"Fuck," he muttered, clearly not wanting to sleep - not that I could blame him. Honestly, even if we stayed up all night and talked, that would be fine, in truth. With his nightmares, with what was clearly plaguing him, even I was likely not to get any restful sleep.

"Language," I responded.

"The little shit can't hear me yet," he said.

"That's our son you're talking about," I said. "Do try to be nicer."

"Our daughter, you mean," he tried convincing me.

"I meant what I said," I assured him. "Now hush. I'm trying to sleep."

"Awfully chatty for someone trying to sleep."

"I will take no more lip from you tonight, Levi."

"That's too damn bad," he said. "That's all you're going to get."

"You are so difficult," I said, lips curling into a smile.

"And you're not?"

"Of course not. I'm a joy to be around. Didn't you miss me?"

That drew a laugh out of him. "Whatever you say, brat."

"No more talking, Levi," I said. I drew away from him to give him one more kiss. "Mm. Goodnight, my darling."

I ducked back in towards his neck as he took a deep breath in, releasing it slowly. "Goodnight, Amaya. I love you."

Goddesses, it was good to have him back. "I love you, too."

As it was, I was useless on the battlefield for a while - but for now, I would protect him as best I could, the ways I knew how, the ways I could. And one day, when the fighting returned... we would be ready. We would be, and we would have to be.

At the very least, we had this time. So for as long as we would have it, I would do this, forever and always, for as long as he would let me.

So it has always been, and so it will always be.