"But, Levi... Can you see them? Our comrades? Our comrades are looking at us. They want to know what became of the hearts they gave. Because the fighting isn't over yet."

By the time Reyes knocked on the guest room door to wake me up that morning, I was already awake. I, truth, I had been awake for a while now, for I was unable to sleep more than an hour at a time throughout the whole night.

The reasons as to why are, in my eyes, obvious. I'll elaborate anyway.

My heart was a fitful mess, one that made it difficult to sleep. That was both making it too simple, yet also making it far too complicated. It was hard to comprehend, and yet, it was all I could feel at the moment and I wanted desperately to understand it.

Perhaps even if my body was here, safe in a bed in Trost, and distinctly not present for the mission, my spirit was with my scouts, for I seemed to be in an instinctively awakened state of being. On missions, my body was all too used to having and keeping my wits about me, and being ready to wake up and spring into action at the slightest noise, and though I was safe here, my body settled into that dynamic on its own.

All of this to say, it was hard for me to sleep. I was just too worried.

At this point, the scouts were assuredly already in Shiganshina and were knee-deep in the operation to reclaim the lost territory. Of course, there were two gates to secure, not just one in Trost that Eren had blocked with the rock.

Assuming Eren could control his Titan for that long, it should be an easy thing for him to use his newfound hardening abilities and restore the integrity of the gates - but as I said, it should, especially with the support of the entire regiment behind him. And hell, as I knew, with Levi to have my back, I felt I could do anything. So, if Eren had the entire regiment including Levi, and additionally Mikasa and Armin and his friends, and the hopes of all of humanity to be the air beneath his wings, I was sure he could.

He'd trained for two months for this very purpose, and he was by now very good at it. It was just a matter of him controlling himself, though the support of his closest friends and trusted comrades would surely help.

But there were certainly plenty of dangers waiting for them.

For one thing, who knew how many Titans were crawling around Wall Maria right now? The last time we pressed into Titan territory was for the 57th Expedition, but that wasn't to purge Titans, that was to lure intelligent ones out.

Now, they were cutting through to the heart of the problem - Shiganshina, the point through which Titans were able to meander in. If I had to bet, I'd say they were absolutely swarming the streets of Shiganshina, and not just that district, but all of Wall Maria. I wasn't sure if the other three districts of Maria were closed off after the citizens evacuated, but it was likely safe to say that there were Titans there, too. It's what I would expect, anyway.

The new recruits were hopefully holding their own, leaving the Titan-fighting to the seasoned Scouts.

Oh, but if... if this mission was successful, then expeditions would surely commence to kill all the Titans, but with this growing child in my belly... I would have to sit them out.

There was nothing to be done about it, especially right now.

With a yawn, I finished buttoning up my shirt and tucked it into my skirt. I had let the dog out of the room early this morning, probably around daybreak, once it hopped off the bed. I'd been awake anyway, so it wasn't exactly an inconvenience, but I was effectively left alone. As I picked up my boots and sat down on the edge of the bed to pull them on, there was another knock on the door, different from the one Reyes used to "wake me up" this morning only a few minutes ago so that I could join him and Edith for morning tea - this was a hurried knock, accompanied by his voice.

"Amaya," Reyes called through the door. "There's a visitor here for you."

"A visitor," I repeated quietly. I was equal parts confused and skeptical, yet also terribly interested, because who could have sought me out here, of all places? It was strange, of course it was, and I was very distinctly wary because of course, I was a pregnant woman - not a particularly vulnerable one, not yet, but anything could happen within these three walls. That was dreadfully obvious by now. "Just a moment."

"I'm making the choice. Give up on your dream and die. Lead the recruits straight into hell. I will take down the Beast Titan."

I put the boots on quickly, lacing them as fast as my fingers would allow. When I was done with that I stood and hurried to the door, pausing only to glance into a small mirror hung by the door. I looked tired, sure, and the bags under my eyes were deep and dark but surely I looked like a true pair with Levi now, for he always had sleepy eyes, too.

But otherwise, I looked rather presentable, and my curiosity regarding who my visitor was sparked up, because damn near everyone I knew was in the regiment that was by now working hard in Shiganshina. So who could possibly...? Well, there was only one way to find out who it was.

I stepped into the hallway and made my way quickly to the kitchen just down the hall. Stepping through the small doorway, I stalled in my step when I saw who it was, coming to my senses as my body - trained to do so - saluted, my closed fist slamming to my chest in a way well-practiced way back when, but by now was rusty.

"Commander Pixis," I greeted. "Good morning, sir."

None other than Pixis Dot himself was standing by the doorway, a warm smile on his face, and for a moment I wondered how a man like this could possibly become commander when he seemed so grandfatherly, so kind, so warm.

But I knew better; I'd learned a lot about Pixis these past few years in my time with the scouts, and I knew that more often than not, his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. They were always calculating, analyzing, and watching, though for what, I could never be sure. In a lot of ways, he was like Erwin, always looking towards something I myself could not see, and likely never would. Perhaps that was how he became commander, just as Erwin had.

Though his eyes were always rather cold, they seemed to warm slightly when they saw me, and the crow's feet at their edges wrinkled at his smile, and it was certainly a welcome sight. It was clear: he was happy to see me.

"Good morning, Miss Amaya," he said rather cordially, extending a hand towards me. I let him take my hand gently and press a kiss to the back of it, and I smiled when he glanced up at me through his eyelashes. "It's been too long."

"It's only been a couple of days," I reminded him with a smile, for that was the truth. Our meeting with the brass, including Pixis and (unfortunately) Zackley, was only a short few days ago. It seemed like a lot longer ago by now, but it was the very same one that we'd discussed our mission, our directive, and the Titan serum that Kenny had given Levi after having stolen it from Rod Reiss.

And even upon thinking about it, my stomach churned uncomfortably at the thought that we might come back with another intelligent Titan, one on our side - but the price would surely be high.

"I meant what I said," the old man spoke, being the natural flirt that he was and effectively pulling me from my thoughts. I wanted to roll my eyes, but didn't. I was far too used to him by now. "And my, are you still as lovely as ever - lovelier, perhaps."

"Perhaps," I played along easily. "Do you need something from me, sir? You must, if you're visiting me here."

"Ah," he said. "So you believe it's either not important enough to be done through the conventional avenues - if I sent a messenger, perhaps - or that it's very important but is too high-file or even..."

"Even something that the brass can't know about," I finished for him, and he smiled once more, though this one was sly - and I knew I was right. "I had a feeling this wasn't a personal call."

"My, my," he said, "am I not allowed to visit an old friend?"

"An old friend, you say," I mused playfully.

All things considered, he was an old friend. We'd spoken often at military functions, what few we were invited to, and at various meetings since I'd become a captain. So I'd known Pixis for a long time, though Levi never had been too fond of his flirting ways (and understandably so). I found it harmless and fun, but only played along to the point where Levi became slightly jealous and slightly protective, never pushing more than that.

"Any old friend of mine is welcome to visit," I continued, seeing an opportunity to pull the rug from under his feet, "but they must at least know my middle name."

Pixis' eyes widened, and I did what I could to hide my smile, lest he see through my words and see the mischief hiding beneath. "Middle name, huh? If I guess, you'll tell me I'm correct, no matter the answer, right?"

"Oh, sure," I said teasingly. "But for future reference, I don't have a middle name."

"Consider it noted," Pixis said. "You're a sharp one, you know that?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Reyes watch our interaction closely, perhaps wondering how exactly I was on such personal terms with the commander of the Garrison.

"I hope you don't mind me borrowing you for a bit," Pixis continued. "I'm afraid it's been too long that I've taken a walk with a pretty girl on my arm."

"Oh, well, allow me to help in any way I can, sir," I said. Pixis returned my smile, offering his arm to me. "We'll be back soon," I said to Reyes as I looped my arm with his.

"Official business, I understand," Reyes said to me, then bowed his head politely towards Pixis, then to me. "Enjoy your time, Commander, Captain."

"Good man," Pixis said, leading me to the door. He then Pixis opened the door, letting me out first. He began leading me down the street towards the markets, and bustling which were busy already - a lovely sight for a lovely day, but certainly not a place where Pixis would dare divulge in what he wanted.

The sun was just peeking over the horizon but couldn't be seen above the walls yet; still, the sky was blue, with only thick clouds and birds to disrupt the picture. Excited shopkeepers called out their sales, their deals, their goods for the day, and to their regulars. Shoppers of all ages passed between the stalls, chatting happily and adding to the general murmur of the area.

Walking the streets, it was clear that the city had been through hell recently, and it had. But it was recovering and it would continue to, for the people here were hardy. There were strong reconstruction efforts already, and the mood of the town had definitely improved since the fighting. Still, there were places where the damage from the Titan attacks were left untouched for now, boarded up windows, debris lining alleyways, and more, much more.

But the people were in good spirits, which was wonderful to see.

"It must be killing you," Pixis said easily as we walked arm in arm. "To not fight alongside your scouts, I mean."

I frowned, and I was sure mine was the only soured face in this crowd of happy passerby. "It is," I confirmed. "I... I know it's not my fight, and it's not my time. But it's frustrating to not be there and not know what's going on."

"Erwin did not reveal to us why you were not fighting," he said, and his eyes met mine sidelong. "You seem perfectly healthy to me, Miss Amaya. So it must be a certain... development."

"Levi and I are expecting," I told him outright. "So, I can't fight. Not with our little one growing. It's frustrating, but I wouldn't risk it. I only wish the timing was better."

"First off, allow me to express my congratulations," he said warmly. "As for your situation, I understand. Everyone's been left in the dark for so long, so to be so close to the light, close enough to grab it... You've put in a lot of hard work yourself to get here. It's hard to imagine we're almost there."

"It's been a long road," I agreed. "And not an easy one. But it'll be worth it. I know it will."

"The brave fallen! The anguished fallen! The ones who will remember them... are us, the living! We die trusting the living who follow to find meaning in our lives! That is the sole method in which we can rebel against this cruel world!"

"Spoken like a true scout," Pixis said with a chuckle. "Now, let's see. Ah, that might be a nice place to talk." I followed his gaze and smiled at the sight of a small tea shop. "Shall we, my dear?"

"We shall," I said, letting him lead me towards the shop. We stepped inside with the sound of a bell above the door. The comforting warmth of the shop soothed me right away, and several flowery, pleasant aromas wafted up through my nose.

"Hello, hello," an elderly woman behind the counter called to us, a cheerful smile on her face.

"A very good morning to you," Pixis said as we approached the counter. I ducked down to look at the goods in the counter display - pastries of all kinds, cakes, cookies, muffins, and so much more. Goodness, there were so many choices, and they all looked wonderful. I'd have to bring Levi and the others here sometime. Though Levi wasn't one for sweets, Erwin certainly was - I knew that from experience, in heading out with him for errands and he would always, always, stop for something sweet. The man had a sweet tooth, so perhaps when Levi and I had our own tea shop, maybe he'd be a frequent customer and hell, he'd probably offer to be our certified taste-tester, too.

I couldn't help but smile; I was excited for it. Reclaiming Wall Maria was the ticket to our futures, and though I wasn't there to fight, there were plenty of capable soldiers out there doing just that. If the future was to be left in anyone's hands, I was grateful it was theirs.

"My soldiers, rage! My soldiers, scream! My soldiers, fight!"

"Now hold on," came an upset voice from the backroom. An elderly man walked out, a box in his hands, a deep-set frown on his face. "I thought I told you not to open up the shop yet, lady."

The woman sent him a firm look that shut him up. "Not in front of the customers, dear." The man mumbled something under his breath but began restocking the shelves. "What can I get you, dears?"

"The lady would like black tea," Pixis said before I could. "I will take your finest green tea, please."

"Any sugar or sweeteners for you today, lovelies?"

"No, thank you," Pixis said, offering his payment. "This is my treat, Amaya. Is there anything else that catches your eye?"

The woman began brewing the tea, a happy little smile on her face. She regarded me warmly, waiting patiently for my answer. "Oh," I said, "one of these muffins would be lovely, thank you."

"Of course," the woman nodded. "I'll bring them to you right away."

"Thank you," I said to her. Pixis nodded cordially at her, then led me over to a table to sit at. Before we could even begin a conversation, the man behind the counter got going again, stealing my attention away from the man sitting across from me, who I was supposed to be paying attention to.

"We're getting too old to be opening shop this early," the man said. "We can't move that fast anymore."

"Oh, hush, you," the woman said. "Just do what you're best at."

"And what exactly would that be, pray tell?"

"Stocking shelves and looking pretty," she answered without missing a beat. "Now hush."

I smiled at their antics but directed my eyes to Pixis. "I know you're not just here to discuss pleasantries," I said to him as I crossed one leg over the other and set my elbows on the table to lean on. Pixis was leaning back casually, fingers linked on his stomach, the picture of casualness.

"You wound me," he said as the lady came around the counter, our tea and my muffin balanced on a tray. She set it down on the table gently, setting the cups and pots in front of us. We each expressed our gratitude, and only once she walked away with the tray did I pour myself a cup, as did Pixis. "Perhaps I only wanted to meet with someone to talk about something other than business."

Whatever I was about to say was interrupted by more arguing from the adorable owners. I looked over at them sidelong as I took a sip of the tea. "I should be retired by now, lady!"

"Arthur," the woman said with an impatient huff. "Not now."

"No," he said stubbornly, "I think this is a great time. What about our plan to move to the countryside? Did you forget about that?"

"Of course not," she said, voice hushed. I took a bite of the muffin, doing what I could to not look like I was listening, but I very much was listening, and closely at that. "But this shop has been in our care for so long now, I don't want..."

I'll be honest here: I should have been turning them out, or at least trying to. But in the small shop, it was difficult not to listen, and when it came to tuning them out, I didn't particularly want to, because if this conversation was leading to what I thought it was...

Pixis began speaking then, speculating about something or other but in the otherwise empty tea shop, I just couldn't focus on anything other than what the couple was talking about. "Onto what they might find in that basement," Pixis continued. I glanced at him briefly, nodding at him to go on, which he did.

"Erwin seems sure that in the basement, there's-"

"-Who would we even sell it to, Arthur? Who'd want this run-down little shop?"

I stood up, excusing myself quietly from Pixis' conversation. I walked towards the counter slowly, wringing my hands together nervously. The argument died down as I approached, both of them turning to face me with a smile. "What can I do for you, my dear?" The woman asked. "I hope the tea is to your satisfaction."

"It is," I assured her. "It's wonderful. I just... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overhear, but..."

"Oh, my," she said. "We must appear so unprofessional, don't we? I'm so sorry. We don't usually argue in front of guests." She sent a pointed look to her husband, who averted his eyes and scratched behind his neck rather sheepishly.

"I, well, it actually works out, you see." The woman looked at me curiously, and the little old man looked at me skeptically. "It appears to me that you are preparing to sell this shop, aren't you?"

"Unfortunately, yes," the man said. "We're getting too old to be running a shop by ourselves, but it's our pride and joy. Our children grew up here, and our grandchildren visit us here, but we're not able to run it for much longer by ourselves."

"My husband and I are in the military now," I began to explain, "but he has a dream to one day open a tea shop and I want to support him, as best I can." The old man looked at me with an odd look on his face, yet his wife looked at him rather reverently - perhaps their story was similar to our own. What ruined that potential thought was when the man leaned over to look around me at Pixis, one eyebrow arched in a quiet question.

"Not me," Pixis called out. "Someone younger and less handsome."

I rolled my eyes at his words but smiled at the couple. The woman held a hand to her heart, and her eyes seemed to grow watery. "My goodness," she said. "You must be pulling my leg, you must be."

I shook my head. "I assure you, it's the truth. It's been a dream of his for years now. But being in our occupation, well, we can only slip away so much." I held a hand against my stomach, thinking about the future - our future, the one with our child, with us as a family at long last. "It's about time we find a home, I think. I'll have to talk it over with him, but I think this is a beautiful little shop and I'm sure he'll love it, too."

"What happened to all that fun you were having?!"

"I cannot believe this is happening," the man said, a smile finally gracing his face. His eyes softened, and at once I could see years of memories reflected in his eyes. I wondered if maybe someday, Levi and I might pass our own shop to new owners, and see them live their dream as we reflected on our own lives, of decades of memories and hard work - lives well lived, all things considered.

"When you can," the man continued, "please come by again. There's a lot to discuss. But... when we're both ready to sell the shop, we'll be happy to hand you the keys, if you still want it."

I grinned and let out a breathy laugh. I almost couldn't believe it. Maybe our luck was taking a turn for the better. The man reached over the counter and I took it, shaking his hand. "It'll be a pleasure eventually doing business with you."

"Thank you, my dear," the woman said, patting her heart with one hand. "You've no idea how happy I am right now."

"If it's even a fraction of how happy I am, I think I have some idea," I said, bowing my head to her. "Thank you both."

"Hey... Where are you going? Stop... Wait... I made a promise to him... that I'd kill you no matter what. I promised!"

When the excitement finally died down and I returned to the table to finish my tea with Pixis, he picked up the conversation right where it'd been interrupted. Enough time passed that I didn't realize when he'd led me from the shop and out into the market again, my arm looped with his. Still, I could barely concentrate on the commander's words, not until he asked me a direct question.

"You know the plan better than I do, Amaya," he said, looking down at me. "When should we expect the return of the heroes?"

"I wish I had a good estimate for you," I said. "But to be honest, that hinges entirely on how much of a fight both sides put up."

"In the ideal situation, then," he offered.

"Well," I started slowly, giving it some thought. "They left yesterday evening. The ride to Shiganshina is long enough so that it would have taken them at least all night. They should be there by now, and for a few hours now, I believe. Realistically, it wouldn't take Eren that long to seal the holes, with how well he can control his Titan now."

"The boy's come a long way," Pixis noted, and I nodded. I couldn't help but agree.

"He's been working so hard," I told him. "I hope it's going well for him - with the rest of the regiment at his back to support him, it should go well. Still, there's no telling exactly what they'll face. It would take only a couple of minutes to cross the district, and if our enemies keeled over in their sleep, they could theoretically already be on their way back. But I doubt that that is the case, so, if I'm generous, I'd say the earliest they'd be back is in the morning. I'd be surprised if they were to return any sooner than that."

"I see," he considered. "I have a meeting with the brass in the morning. I hope I do not miss their triumphant return." He glanced down at me, his eyes less warm and more analytical than before. "I was asked to invite you to the meeting. With every other scout away on the mission, the big heads would like you to be there."

"Fuck that," I said a bit too quickly. "Er, uh, I'm sorry."

Pixis let out a chuckle. "That's about what I expected you to say. I told them you were too worried to even think about getting too far away from them."

"What is it they wish to discuss?"

"What is to happen," he said, "once they return. They wanted you there so they could get a peek into Erwin's head. It's rather bold of them to assume you'd tell them. They are mainly interested to know, if the mission is successful, how will we prepare for the gradual movement of the Wall Maria refugees."

"That's simple," I said. "With the gates sealed, any Titans left within the wall will be effectively trapped, making for easy target practice for us, especially with the implementation of Hange's new toys."

"That part I feel even they will understand," he said. "It's what comes after that they're worried about. The damages done not only from the Titans, but general lack of upkeep will need to be taken care of. And that takes money, resources, and people to do the work."

"I see," I said. "I'm afraid I don't know much more than the whole fighting part. I'm a captain of the Special Operations Squad, not the Supply Corps."

"Another point I brought up," he said with a smile, "when they invited you. I wasn't sure how focused you'd be, anyway." I noticed with a start that we had stopped in front of Reyes' home, far sooner than I thought we would. "Ah, would you look at that? I appreciate you taking this walk with me."

"Thank you for bringing me along," I said, bowing my head slightly to him. "You offered a good distraction for me. I appreciate that more than you know."

"Being able to help a pretty lady in need is one of my strong suits," he teased. Far too used to that behavior from him, I laughed, knowing there was nothing more meant by his words. "There seems to be scarcely a moment when you are without your bodyguard – or shall I say husband?"

"Bodyguard," I repeated with a scoff. "Even that's an understatement."

"You should feel honored," Pixis said, smirking down at me. "Other men can hardly look at you before he gets protective."

"Ah, goodness," I muttered, flushing at the reminder of what had happened weeks ago, on the morning that Erwin had woken up from his coma after he lost his arm. I'd only saluted to Pixis, and Levi had pulled me down into his lap. "He's not always the most... professional of men, to say the least."

"The result of your upbringing, is it not?" I nodded, and he stepped away. Taking the hint, I lowered my arm from his and smiled at him. "It was my pleasure to treat you to some tea this morning, but I have business to attend to."

He took my hand and pressed a kiss to my knuckles. "Thank you again, Commander Pixis."

"Until next time, Captain Amaya," he said before turning on his heel and I watched him go in a comfortable quiet. I crossed my arms over my chest and directed my gaze to the south once he left my view. I wasn't sure what I hoped to see. It wasn't like the sky could offer any clues as to what was happening off in Shiganshina. Not from this far, anyway.

My mind wandered, of course, to what Levi was up to right now. Did he have a moment to breathe amidst the chaos? He had a habit of working himself to exhaustion. He was just that selfless. Hell, they all were. Erwin was, Hange was, and so was every other soldier that now donned the Wings of Freedom.

I had faith in my Scouts. I only wished they'd hurry and come home.

"Amaya," I heard Reyes say. "Back already?" In place of answering him, I only nodded my head. He came to stand next to me. A pleasant breeze rolled through Trost, and I breathed in deeply, offering a silent prayer to the goddesses for their safety. I hoped they'd return soon.

The waiting was agony.

But so too, I knew, was the fighting.

—

There was a dull roar coming from outside. Rain? No, it was far too loud, and it was far too bright outside, for it to possibly be rain. And I was up all night, it wouldn't suddenly be raining this heavily so quickly.

I sat up with a sudden gasp, for I knew that sound: it was cheering.

I flung the blanket off me and rushed to open the window. I held the curtain out of the way as I pulled it upwards, opening the shutters as soon as I was able. I set my hands on the windowsill and leaned out of it, trying to decipher meaning through the cacophony of noise.

"Amaya!" There was a rapid knocking on the door, and I turned around just as it opened. It was Reyes, wide-eyed and breathless. "They're back!"

My breath caught in my throat at the words, but I sprang into action, forcing my feet into my boots. I was in a soft pair of leggings and a shirt, in an attempt to be as comfortable as possible overnight to try and sneak some sleep in, but it'd been for naught.

Last night had been rough. I'd helped Reyes with his daily chores and played with his kids for the rest of the day, and after dinner he'd taken me to a local bar he was a frequent patron of. I didn't have much to drink, and neither was he, but it was a welcome change of pace. I'd caught him up on all of the goings-on in my life, starting from when he'd kicked me out - to which he'd apologized to me again.

When I was telling him about the court trial in which we took Eren into the custody of the Survey Corps, we'd been interrupted by a group of drunk men wanting to know who exactly it was with Old Man Reyes, if perhaps I was a whore to replace his wife, or perhaps just some broad he'd picked up. They'd wanted to steal me away for a while to have some fun, and Reyes had had no qualms in telling them off, but when one was particularly insistent, I'd stepped in and let them know who they were dealing with.

I didn't exactly like being referred to as the Blue Wing, and the strongest woman, but it certainly was effective at getting pushy men to back off.

We'd left the bar after that, instead sitting outside on his lawn so I could finish my tale.

Oh, and before he'd gotten tired and retired inside, he presented to me something he'd been hiding in his pocket: a locket, or what I had once called it. The circular device was one I had seen before, but not in a long, long time. Way back when, it had been a gift to El from me and Caden. And securely inside... the drawing Caden had scribbled up of our family.

It was safe to say that I nearly cried outright upon seeing it. After thanking him a few dozen times, I was able to hear him say that he had found it within El's belongings on one of his trips to our old home.

After that, he went inside, and I was quick to follow. It'd been a completely restless night for me, because whenever I'd closed my eyes, I'd see flashes of my scouts dying, of everyone I'd ever loved and worked with getting hurt or worse. Instead of sleeping, I spent my night staring out the window, reading when I felt like it, humming quietly to myself in futile attempts to tire myself enough to sleep.

But I hadn't been able to, and so here I was.

My hair was messy and uncombed because I'd been tossing and turning all night, and I cursed as I fumbled with my laces. I started over, tying them tightly, and stood, grabbing my uniform jacket from where it hung on the coat rack. I threw it on as I brushed past Reyes, offering a quiet, breathless apology as I hurried towards the door leading outside.

Once outside, I worked to make up the time I had lost. I ran as fast as I could, eyes trained towards the southern wall. As I drew closer to the gate, the crowds thickened, and I slowed in my step. I caught my breath as I came to a walk, squeezing between people who were also looking up towards the wall. It was just after dawn, people yawning as they waited for the heroes to show themselves.

There was confetti, cheering, flags handed out, singing, shouting...

But I couldn't see them yet. "Excuse me!" I said, trying to squeeze through the crowd. "Please, let me through!" I was met with incredulous, impatient looks, and some people grumbled to themselves as I asked for a way through, but when they saw my jacket, and the emblem stitched on it, they parted, allowing me a way through. "Thank you so much!"

The crowd was thick, some places offering more resistance than others. But I finally broke through, now far too close to the wall to see anyone standing on it, even if they were on the edge. I picked up the pace, running only to slide to a stop a few yards later by one of the lifts. "Good morning," the Garrison soldier manning the lift said to me.

"Please," I said, "let me head up the wall!"

The soldier frowned, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, ma'am, they're not allowing anyone else-"

I fixed my jacket, squaring my shoulders and narrowing my eyes. "I am Captain Amaya Ackerman," I told her, "and I will be heading up this wall."

"I'm sorry, captain," she said, visibly embarrassed and more than a bit intimidated, rightfully so.

"I'm more than willing to call in one of my personal favors from Commander Pixis," I said. "Shall it come to that, darling?"

"Captain," she protested once more, "this is the lift they'll be taking down. They'll be getting onto it shortly, and I'm not to let anyone else on. Those are my direct orders."

I let out an impatient noise as I backed away. No other lifts were manned, and I took in a shuddering breath as I backed up further, eyes aimed towards the top of the wall again. Only one lift... It'd take them forever to bring all the scouts down, even if there were some casualties. And knowing my selfless idiots, they'd let everyone go before them.

The cheering grew louder, then, and I squinted, just able to make out a few figures on the edge of the wall. "Is that it?" I heard behind me.

"There aren't that many," someone said.

"That can't be right," another voice replied. "Where are the rest?"

"There were so many that left," someone else said. "Is this really all that made it back with their lives?"

"They're just further back," another said. "That's why we can't see them, yet."

"No," someone said, "those must be the only survivors."

After what felt like an eternity, one equal parts terrible and agonizing, the figures backed away from the edge and I could finally see movement by the lift. It swayed slightly as people got on, and shortly after that, it began to descend. It was the slowest descent, I think, in all of history.

Honestly, instead of wasting so much time squeezing through the crowds and arguing with the lift operator, I could've used that time to run back to the base here in Trost we'd stayed in and retrieved my gear from the armory.

Too late now, I suppose.

I rose up on my toes, trying to see into the lift, but it was still too high. I lowered back down with a sigh, refusing  to believe that there were only so many scouts left, like the crowd's words seemed to suggest. Casualties were expected. Such was the way of the scouts... But I couldn't easily ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach.

No. They're ok. They're fine. Only a few more minutes now, and I'd be right back where I belonged, saluting to my commander, laughing with Hange, apologizing to Moblit for their behavior. Levi would be holding me close, refusing to let me fuss over him like always. The kiddos would look on, still not quite used to the idea of their commanding officers showing so much affection, but too tired from the fight to do more than watch.

The crowd watched with bated breath as the lift got closer to the ground. I could finally see into the lift and felt a weight lift from my shoulders. I took in a breath, smiling widely when I saw Eren, Mikasa, and Armin in the front. Leaning slightly, I could see Sasha, held up by Jean and Connie.

Thank goodness, the kids were okay. I knew they would be. They had too much promise to fall now.

I took a few steps forward, one hand coming to grip the fabric above my heart. I could feel the pounding beat as I stepped closer. My heart was ready to burst from my chest, my mouth now as dry as it'd ever been, nearly driven breathless with anticipation.

This close now, I could see Hange, arms crossed and leaning against the railing of the lift, looking over the city, a serious expression on their face. I could hear the murmurs ripple around me as the people watched me walk to them. "Look at her jacket," someone said.

"Strange," responded another, "I thought they sent all of their soldiers to fight."

"That's one of the captains, idiot! Keep your voice down!"

"She's not in uniform," another piped up. "Why do you suppose that is?"

"Don't worry about that now," someone said impatiently. "Just pay attention to the heroes!"

My mind was going quickly, so quickly, racing with so many thoughts I couldn't keep track of - but at the same time, it was clear of any and all thoughts. Eren caught my eyes then, looking down at me like a deer caught suddenly. He averted his eyes, brow furrowed, as if guilty of doing something. I tilted my head slightly, lips pursed.

Why couldn't he look at me?

Mikasa met my gaze evenly, but even she looked sad. Mikasa Ackerman, so strong, always one to keep emotions out of a fight, looked sad, as if she'd done something wrong and didn't want to think about it. Even Armin looked sad, and now, as the lift slowed to a stop, I could see the glassiness in his eyes. I walked the final few feet to the lift as the operators allowed the returned heroes to step off.

The trio in front stepped off and stood to the side, allowing everyone else to get off. Connie and Jean assisted Sasha off, standing opposite the first trio, each one meeting my eyes but offering nothing more.

Floch, one of the newer recruits, stepped off, ignoring me completely. Hange stepped off next, and I smiled at them, my close friend and trusted confidant and... they returned my look with a sad smile and as Hange stepped past me, they paused, setting a heavy hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Hange said quietly. They walked a few paces away, and I watched them go worriedly sidelong. What did Hange possibly have to be sorry for?

I didn't have more time to think about what was said, however. I turned my eyes back to the lift just as Levi got off, standing just in front of me. Just a foot away now, no, less than that. And still, he felt so far away.

The fear that had settled in the pit of my stomach alleviated slightly when I locked eyes with him. But he didn't seem so reassured. Rather, he looked at me with an odd expression in his eyes. There was an emotion in them that I hadn't seen in a long, long time. And it scared me.

But at any rate he was here, standing strong on both feet, with both arms intact - healthy, as far as I could tell from here. And his heart... Well, he was alive. That was plain to see, so his heart must have been beating.

Or... perhaps it was not, for he looked like a ghost.

Even so, I reached out with my right hand, placing it over his heart. Through the fabric of his cloak, jacket, and shirt, I could feel the strong pounding of his heart against my palm.

Despite everything, despite all that he had clearly gone through... He'd kept his promise. He returned to me alive - which clearly had been almost too much to bear.

The cheering of the crowd faded away into a dull roar as all my senses honed in on his heartbeat beneath my palm, the warmth blooming in my chest in just seeing him alive. Levi reached up with his left hand, grabbing my wrist with a gentle touch. He tugged my hand away from his chest, lowering it gently until he let go, my hand swinging back to my side.

Without wasting any more time, he stepped closer, gathering me up in his arms and pulling me against him for a hug - no, a squeeze more like, for how tightly he held me. My eyes were watery as I pressed myself to him, gripping his cloak tight. I squeezed them shut, taking deep steadying breaths. By the goddesses, he was here.

Levi couldn't decide if he wanted his arms around my waist or neck, so he settled for one each. He pulled me impossibly close, and even that wasn't enough for us. Whatever had happened out there had shaken him, that was clear.

He drew back only enough to look down at me. I lifted my face from where it was settled against his neck and pressed my forehead to his. "Levi, oh goddesses, you're back," I said uselessly. I drew my hands to rest against his chest, one traveling back up to caress his cheek. His eyes were closed, and he didn't speak, but that didn't matter right now.

"Hey, you two," Hange called. "We have to get going."

I pulled away from Levi at those words, keeping one hand against his chest as I turned to look at Hange. I looked around quickly, then back up towards the top of the wall. No other lifts had been used, no more soldiers brought down.

"Where..." I trailed off, looking back at Hange, trying to summon the courage to ask. "Where is everybody?"

"We'll tell you about what happened," Hange said, one uninjured eye meeting mine and holy shit how did I notice that sooner, "as soon as we get these two detained." They gestured with her head to Eren and Mikasa, who once more, averted their eyes. "We're heading back to the base here in Trost. Let's move."

—

Dinner in the barracks was quiet that evening. The rest of the morning and all afternoon had been occupied by locking up Eren and Mikasa and going through what few resources had survived the battle. The surviving seven scouts sitting at the table alongside me  - Mikasa and Eren being downstairs in the cells - were all that were left after the battle.

Everyone else had perished.

They were all dead.

Erwin. Moblit. Dirk. Marlene. Dozens of other squad leaders, team leaders, captains, lieutenants, recruits, medics, and general soldiers.

I hadn't asked for specifics. Instead, we all sat quietly, and I allowed myself to guess what had happened. Explanations would come in time. Reports would be written. But for now, I did not press the matter. Before dinner, Hange had briefed me on what they found out in the basement. Hell, I still needed time to let that settle in.

For now, all was silent, save for the sounds of eating.

Levi was the first to stand from the table, taking his plate and cup with him. He hadn't eaten much, which wasn't a surprise in and of itself. I watched him put his dishes in the sink to be cleaned before he left the hall altogether. Gradually, one by one, everyone else got up and left. At the end, it was just me and Jean, picking at our food pointlessly.

"Captain," he said, his quiet voice disturbing the silence like breaking glass. I looked down the table at him, straightening up slightly. "We..." He met my eyes with his own teary pair. "We really needed you out there. It was like no one was thinking straight."

My eyes threatened to widen, but I didn't dare let my shock show. In an even, trained tone, I asked, "What do you mean?"

"No one... could agree on anything. We weren't a cohesive unit." He lowered his eyes to the table. "You're usually pretty clear-headed in a fight. Maybe if... if you'd been there, maybe things..." He sighed and closed his eyes to collect himself. "I'm sorry," he said, opening them. He didn't look back at me.

It seemed everyone was having a hard time doing that today.

I stood. "Go get some rest, Jean," I said, walking towards him. "I'll take care of the chores tonight."

"But, captain-"

"No buts," I said firmly yet gently. "Please, don't argue, sweetheart. Let me take care of everything, alright? You're exhausted, I can tell."

I sat down on the bench next to him. I pulled him towards me, setting my arms around his shoulders. He slumped against me, and I could hear the shakiness of his breathing, the only indication that he was crying. It took him no time at all to wrap his arms around me.

"Shh, shh," I cooed, hushing him gently. "It's going to be okay, Jean. Just breathe. That's all I ask of you."

Sometimes, that's all one really could do. Especially after such a colossal screw-up of a mission. When everything else was lost, all you could really do from there is breathe.

And so there we stayed, for as long as he needed. Only when he decided he was ready, and stood, did I start on the chores; and only when the chores were finished did I prepare to turn in, myself.

I wasn't sure how late it was when at last I started making the tea, because as was mentioned, I could only begin them once Jean finished crying, but with what he'd gone through today - and all of them, really - I figured giving him at least the small comfort of letting him know that someone was in his corner would do him some good.

It would be a long night for all of us, but I had no right to complain. Instead, I sat with Jean as he worked through what he felt. When his tears dried, he thanked me, apologized, then headed to the barracks for the night.

And so my chores began.

I washed the table as the kettle warmed and dried the cutlery once I set the leaves. When I deemed the kitchen and dining room clean, I picked the tray up and left, blowing out the candles as I went. It was early evening, but it felt like the middle of the night. With barely anyone here, everything was eerily quiet.

The halls were barren and dark and the air was almost sickeningly still as I made my way to the room Levi and I were assigned before the mission, knowing he'd be there. I entered the room quietly, closing the door behind me with my foot. Levi was sitting at the desk that was pressed against one wall, with his back to me, looking out of the window.

"I made tea," I said gently, standing at his side and setting the tray down lightly. "Would you like a cup?"

He shook his head, not bothering to look at me. He crossed one arm over his chest and set his other elbow against his arm to rest that hand against his mouth. His eyes were narrowed, brow furrowed. He looked to be deep in thought, but I knew those thoughts running through his mind were undoubtedly the horrors he'd faced over the past few days.

The bags under his eyes were dark, and his eyes were filled with grief. There was a visible droop to his normally strong shoulders. Despite the slouch,  he seemed tenser than ever, like every muscle was pulled taut as if he was prepared to run at the slightest sound. If he could have it his way, he'd stay like this all night, but I knew better. That'd do him no good.

"Did you take a bath yet?" Again, he shook his head. I poured a cup of tea for myself and took a short sip. "I would like you to. It'll make you feel better." He didn't reply, not like I expected one. "I'll run one for you."

I did as I said, heading into the small joint bathroom and preparing for him a nice, warm bath. I dipped my hand into the water to check the temperature one last time once it was filled, and in the wavering reflection I noticed Levi step into the bathroom. I stood up straight, wiping my hand on the seat of my pants.

"I'll be heading out for a few minutes," I told him. "I left a few things at Reyes' place. I'm just going to run over and grab them. I'll be back before you know it." I stepped around the tub and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"It's late," he said once I drew away. What he said was simple, but I know what he meant.

Would I be alright going by myself? Back underground, a woman going outside alone meant almost certain doom. Even in some places up here, it was the same. But I wanted to give him some time alone, to sort through what he needed to.

While it wasn't healthy to suffer alone, it was healthy to take time to yourself. I wanted to give him that time. He, more than others, required that time. Sometimes he only needed a few minutes, sometimes a few days. Despite the fact that all I wanted to do was hold him close, that wasn't necessarily what he needed.

If one thing was made clear today, the scouts had been through hell. All of them. I wasn't about to put what I wanted before what they needed. If Levi needed a quiet week to himself to grieve, I was more than willing to let him.

"I'll be alright," I said, smiling at him. "He lives only a couple of streets away. I won't be getting on any wagons, so there shouldn't be any trouble at all." I could see his eyes light briefly with mischief at my words, at the joke he loved to make about me, but it died down as quickly as it came. Still, it was nice to see. "I'll see you in a bit, my love."

With that I hurried through the room and into the hallway and walked as quickly as I could through the base to the outside. I made my way to Reyes' home, taking note of the Survey Corps flags still strung from window to window, crossing the road far above my head and swaying in the wind. It was a cool night, despite the season. There were people still flooding the streets, drinking and making merry. There was music and singing and dancing in the streets.

Usually, I might have it in me to partake in the celebrations, no matter what they were for, but not tonight. They were celebrating the success of the returned heroes, but that was all. If only they knew the sacrifices the remaining heroes had made in order to complete what they had set out to do.

Hell, even if they realized just how many lives had been lost, they couldn't know how it felt to watch comrades die, not if they weren't soldiers themselves. Still, their excitement made sense, from their perspective. The mission had been a success. Wall Maria had been recovered. From here, the remaining monsters could be killed, homes rebuilt, lives restored, farms replanted, food stores replenished.

It was an exciting prospect, just not one I could relish in right now.

Once I reached Reyes' home, I knocked on the front door. The lights were all on, and it didn't take long for Reyes to open the door. "Amaya," he said warmly. "Welcome back. Come on in!"

I did so with a smile, and Reyes closed the door behind me. His wife was sitting at the table, smiling at me. The room was warm, the lingering smell of food hanging in the air. I could hear the voices of their children down the hall, where their rooms were. They must've just finished their dinner.

"Hello again, dear."

"Good evening," I said. "I'm sorry for the sudden intrusion. I lost track of time once the scouts returned."

"Here to pick up your things? Everything's where you left it, dear."

"Thank you."

I walked down the hall to the guest room. Still cold, I took my uniform jacket off and put Levi's hood on. I put the jacket back on, taking an extra minute in the room to warm up a bit and to make sure I had everything together. I bundled everything up and held it to my chest, double-checking that I had everything before leaving the room again, coming to a stop in the kitchen. The couple was seated at the table, talking quietly.

"Thank you for letting me stay here," I said with a grateful bow of my head. "It was lovely getting to know your family. I cannot thank you enough for your hospitality."

"It was no trouble at all," Reyes said. "Anything to make up for what I've done."

"Reyes," I started, but he waved me off.

"I'm just a foolish old man. Don't mind me."

"You've got that right," I said playfully, getting a smile from him.

"How is Levi, my dear?" Edith asked. "I do hope he's alright. I heard... I heard about the amount of returning scouts. I'm... I'm so sorry, dear."

"Levi was one who returned," I said, bringing a relieved smile to her face. "Just as I knew he would. But... only nine returned from the mission alive."

Their eyes widened, his wife letting out a quiet gasp. "Nine," she repeated. "My goodness. That's awful."

"What happened out there?" Reyes asked.

"I don't know everything that happened," I said. "I'm not going to make anybody tell me. Not now, when it's so fresh. But they retook Wall Maria, and the gates are sealed. Despite the losses, they succeeded in their goal. We lost our commander, and I lost a great deal of friends, but they did it."

"Don't let us keep you any longer, darling," she said to me. "You need to be with your husband right now, not us."

"Thank you again," I said, "both of you." With the promise that I'd return after the baby was born to meet them, I gave each of them a hug before leaving the house, making my way through the chilly night back to the base. The people I passed by noticed my jacket, cheering and waving as I walked by.

I regarded them politely, holding a hand up to thank them for their cheers of praise, but I could not smile back, not when I'd done nothing to help in the mission they were celebrating. I could not revel with the citizens when so many people I loved were dead, killed in the fight for the good of humanity.

Well, our small piece of humanity, anyway.

By the goddesses, Erwin had been right. We were just one small part of a much bigger whole. In the basement they'd discovered the secret of Grisha Jaeger, the truth of who we were. The tragedy of our history. It explained so much, but at the same time, I couldn't quite bring myself to believe it. It was too good to be true. We weren't the only humans. But we were the unknowing enemies of everyone else. It was not an easy pill to swallow, but it'd come with time.

Time...

It would take time to come to terms with what had been lost, just as it would take time to come to terms with what had been gained. Grieving would take up a lot of my time, just as it would for the other remaining scouts and the families of everyone who knew and loved those fallen soldiers.

It would take time for these wounds to heal. It would take time for us to figure out how we would operate with so few soldiers. It would take time to resettle into our duties. It would take time to instate a new commander. It would take time to allow ourselves to think about the future, because right now, the past hurt too much to bear.

It would take time.

I just couldn't be sure how much time we would have before we were attacked once more, or how long we might be allowed to ride the high of a victory, bittersweet though the victory was.

Time.

It was about time I returned to Levi's side, because Edith was right: I needed to be with him right now.

So... I continued walking. There was nothing else to do but use the time while I had it to be with him, and my scouts. I had lost so many comrades and friends today; I would waste no more time with those I had left.