This was not my fight, and I was not going, but that did not mean that my heart did not long to follow after those I have been fighting with for years now. In fact, it was practically screaming at me, pleading with me to put my gear on and join them, to catch up now while I had the chance.

But as it was, I could not go.

Those talented veterans - my friends - aside, there were so many young scouts as going, which is likely where my desire to go despite the personal danger stemmed from.

Were they well-versed in fighting? Yes, assuredly so, after everything they had been through, but a few battles were nothing in the face of years and years of fighting that the more seasoned soldiers had gone through. Formal training was not enough, not in the slightest. If I couldn't be there, I hoped that they were completely prepared for what might happen today and across the next few days during the mission.

But that was all I could do: hope.

"Amaya," Reyes called, and I finally tore my eyes from the horizon line to look at him. I suddenly flushed, embarrassed he'd had to come find me, but schooled my expression into one of nonchalance.

"I'm sorry," I said honestly. "I forgot you were waiting for me."

"Don't worry about it," he said, coming to a stop next to me. "It's a nice evening, one perfect for sitting out like this. But I won't lie to you, I rushed here from my home. I'd have hoped to meet your husband before he ran off to battle."

I let out a breath of a laugh, looking back towards the sky. Here, standing atop the wall of Trost, we were able to look out onto the lands of Wall Maria, now lost to Titans. Large forests, long stretches of farmland, and countless villages, homes, and small towns - all crushed, all trampled, and all stolen from us by those who wanted us dead.

If all went well, we would take it back. But of course... I had no hand in it.

Now that the sun was dipping beneath the horizon, it was getting darker, and at the same time, a distinct chill was creeping ever closer. "And why is that? Did El give you a list of questions to ask any potential suitors of mine before he died?"

Reyes smiled, taking a deep breath in as he considered it. "He didn't," he answered, "but I have my own. I'm sure they're one and the same."

"There will be plenty of time to interrogate him," I said slowly. "Once they're back, of course."

Reyes then frowned, looking at me directly. His tanned skin, stretched across features taut by malnourishment from serving underground no matter how well-fed he was, reflected the light of the setting sun in a pretty way, but his dark eyes were intense, incredibly so.

"You seem so sure they'll come back."

"That's right," I said. "I am. And that's simply because I know they will."

"But..."

"Believing anything else is useless," I told him surely. "I refuse to lose hope. You haven't met my husband yet, nor many of the scouts, but I assure you, you'll understand what I mean once you do. Fighting for what we do, with the support we have, and the equipment, and the funding... We rely on hope. That doesn't change for me now, even if I'm not there. As a matter of fact, I have to rely on it more than usual."

"I hope you're right," he said. "You know more about this than I do, certainly, though I'm hesitant to admit that I don't know much about anything that has been going on lately. I only just reassigned, you see, and found myself learning about the coup, about humans who can turn into Titans, and serums to help turn people into them, among many other things. But... I want to know. I want to understand, and not just about what's been going on, but about you and what you've been up to. You're a hero, I hear."

"Oh, I don't know about that," I murmured, looking still at that horizon. "But I can fill you in. With the scope of this mission, there should be plenty of time to do so." Without anything else to say, I crossed my arms as a gust of wind blew through. I looked up at him, meeting his eyes surely. "...On everything that's happened, ever since I left."

"I'd appreciate that," he said. "I'll admit, I wasn't ever the biggest fan of the scouts. I'm sure you and El spoke about getting you a visa to become a soldier and train, yes? Like me, he wanted you to join the MP's, so you'd be safe, but he told me he felt you were destined for more than a life in the interior, and that you wanted to reach the surface not to be safe, but to see the world you were born into."

I smiled at that. Knowing why El had died, that awful reason for his murder, perhaps he wanted to do the same as I did. If he didn't want to succumb to such awful, restrictive leadership, and be a tyrant over those of the Underground City, and wanted to know what it was the Interior Police were hiding... It likely wasn't far-fetched to think that he wanted to see the world, too. He'd been born on the surface, but that golden heart of his led him to try to help others see it, too, and when told he couldn't, he questioned it and... he was killed for it.

"Whatever the case," Reyes continued, "it's clear that something led you here, and whatever it was, you took it and ran with it." Reyes smiled. "You're still that spirited young woman I watched grow up."

"A lot has changed," I said, letting my gaze drift away. "Not just in my life, but bigger, in the lives of everyone."

"Your regiment has certainly been busy," he agreed. "I was upset, hearing what I had, but... it was fragmented. I know I only know half of the story, if that. And... I want to know how you got here." He cleared his throat and I looked at him curiously. "How all of you got here, you and the thugs you ran with, way back when. Why you... Why you even joined them - that's what I would like to know."

One of my eyebrows rose in confusion, but shifted to concern, because he looked sad. I had missed him, sure, and of course I still trusted him, I wasn't one for grudges. He was, apart from Levi and my close friends in the scouts, the closest thing I had to family - no matter how long it had been since I had even see him. I still considered him an uncle, even if not by blood. He taught me so much, he helped raise me, he watched me whenever El was looped into more hours patrolling or working than he anticipated.

Reyes had always been there... until that fateful day he saw me making money in the only way I could, after El's death. I couldn't forget how he had kicked me out after El's death because I couldn't find a job that he approved of, and how he'd cut me off after that.

"After El died," I said carefully, "things were hard. I needed to make money."

"You could've joined the military," Reyes countered. "You'd already been considering it, and we'd have recommended you to our commander. Through him, we could have given you a visa to go train and later, enlist."

"No offense," I said, shaking my head, "but I wasn't about to be friendly with the man who refused to help when Caden died and could hardly remember El's name during his memorial service. I didn't want to become a criminal, if that's what you're thinking, but I realized something: life down there isn't meant for people who can't get their hands dirty. You soldiers didn't need to, but you know damn well that a lot of you did."

I paused for a moment, thinking back on all that I had done in that damned place. The city was truly not meant for the weak of heart, for those who were not courageous, for those who could not allow their heart to turn to stone, to harden it to protect it. It had been hard, but I had done it. And I had done it well, apparently.

"If I didn't turn to crime," I continued, "I wouldn't have made any money, and I would've died. I had no other choice. Growing up with El, I hated the scum of the city that turned to crime, but at that young age, there was no way for me to know that the city was structured to breed them."

"To breed them? Amaya, don't be ridiculous."

"In an environment like that, if I had done things nicely, and the way you'd have wanted them done, I'd have been snuffed out real quick. For the regular folk, the military police weren't heroes, but oppressors. As soon as I lost their protection, I learned that lesson. Joining the military was the last thing on my mind, not after how I was treated."

"How many of us helped raise you?" He asked, defiantly and defensively - and in his place, I'd likely feel similarly. But having experienced it for myself, there was no doubt in my mind that I'd have been killed if I didn't turn to the life I had.

"Plenty," I said, "and I'm thankful for it, don't get me wrong. But the same people who helped raise me were those that would hunt me down, no questions asked."

He glanced away, for a moment, and I knew just why he did: he'd hunted me, himself. He'd chased me with the intent maybe not to kill, but to capture.

"I just didn't appreciate it when no one stood against him, no one stood with me, when he told me he wouldn't do a damn thing about Caden's death - and again, when El died," I continued. "Orders are orders, I know that now, as a soldier myself. I know how hard it is to disobey. But my integrity means more to me than obeying orders, and my family means far more to me than any rank, title, or emblem on my jacket."

Reyes sighed, shuffling uncomfortably on his feet. I didn't mean to be so harsh, nor press this issue so much, but this was many years of built-up grief that needed to come out.

"Did you ever find out why El died? Perhaps you knew, depending on how good a soldier you were to that new commander you had."

The look in Reyes' eyes told me that he didn't know, that he never found out. His eyes were wide as he met my eyes again, and he shook his head, prompting me silently to continue.

"El, my father," I said slowly, my tone even and my words evenly paced, "was killed for speaking out, for demanding why the Interior Police that moved in knew so much, yet the public could not. I have the report, because we were the ones to dismantle the entire damn system, if you'd like to read it. El was hunted down and killed to keep the peace by the Interior Squad."

"I'm sorry, Amaya," he said, and to his credit, it certainly sounded truthful. "I had no idea. And... I shouldn't have abandoned you all those years ago."

"You know I don't hold grudges, old man," I said, nudging him with my shoulder and bringing a smile to his face, one equal parts happy and relieved. "Though it hurt at the time, if you hadn't, I wouldn't have discovered a way to keep myself alive and safe and to make money, wouldn't have met one of my closest friends, and later, I wouldn't have joined Levi and Farlan - my partners, the thugs you talked about."

"There may be some merit to that," he agreed, "but..."

I shook my head, effectively cutting him off. "With them, I found who Caden's killer was. I wouldn't have met Isabel, and we became this beautiful family. So yes, I was hurt that you and Masie and everyone else had abandoned me, but I found a different family, a family all of my own. And I'm here now, which I don't regret - not in the slightest."

"Levi," Reyes echoed. "As in Levi of the scouts?"

"Yes," I said with a smile. "We were partners underground, and we all were brought up to join the scouts."

"Levi, as in, our White Wing, Levi?"

"Yes," I said once more, almost frustrated now. "Levi of the scouts, our White Wing of Freedom, Humanity's Strongest Man, my husband, the father of my child, need I go on?"

"Ah, yes, the Strongest Man, your-" He sputtered, his line of thinking coming to a thundering halt as he realized what I said. "Your husband?"

"That's what I said." He took a moment to consider what I said, and I laughed. "What, so you heard Amaya Ikeda got married but didn't hear to whom?"

He seemed to finally remember to react, and he finally found a way to, and so he let out a low whistle and ran a hand through his hair, tousling it entirely. "I didn't get details, kiddo. There were murmurings about it in the barracks, that was all. But talk about a power couple, huh?"

I laughed lightly, and his eyes seemed to glitter with pride. For a moment, I was struck by how much I missed him, of how I missed the normalcy that had been so prevalent in my childhood. He and El had worked so hard to care for me and raise me, and even with all that had happened after El's death, I had missed the man who let me sit in his lap and scribble on his paperwork while he did it.

"I knew the rumors of an Amaya being the Blue Wing, but I could never be sure that it was you; and I heard musings of Levi as the White Wing, but I had no idea you were together. I didn't really think the rumors were true. I hadn't realized the thug Levi turned soldier was Levi, our strongest soldier - that they were one and the same."

I shrugged, lifting one hand to keep my hair out of my face by holding it back. "You forgot to mention my rank, you know."

"Of course, of course," he laughed. "Terribly sorry, Captain Amaya. You outrank me, technically, though our structures differ slightly. Regardless, who'd have known a couple of thugs would become the top-performing soldiers of our military?"

"I ask myself that question every day," I said.

"Speaking on that," he said, "have you not been approached by the high brass for further rank?"

"No," I spoke honestly. "We haven't. Hell, I think they might've heard that Levi and I aren't ones for..."

"All the ceremony and formality?"

"Yeah," I answered. "That, and I'll tell you of the circumstances of our having joined the scouts, but let's just say that the rest of the military aren't the biggest fans of us."

"I see," he said, considering my words though to him, they likely made no sense to him at the moment - but they would. I would catch him up on everything, I would make sure of it. "I'm proud of you, kiddo," he continued at last. "Through everything... even all that I had done... That's never changed. I hope you know that."

"I do," I assured him. "But just keep watching, because there's a lot left to be done. My work's not done yet, and I've got a lot left in me."

—

When I stepped through the door after Reyes into his home, I was immediately swarmed by children of different ages, all eager to meet me. There were six total, four boys and two girls - and they all must have been the spitting images of their mother, because they were all adorable.

Right away, Reyes told them to stand down, as did his wife, who was at my side within an instant. I had been surprised, really. I'd always assumed his wife was Masie, but perhaps that was naive - they were only comrades, nothing more ,and nothing less. This made more sense. In the time I'd known Reyes, he would often take short periods of leave to visit the surface - his home - before returning to the base underground. His wife was lovely and sweet, and was so overjoyed to finally meet me, which surprised me as well.

"I've heard so much about you, for years now," she told me, taking me by the arm and leading me to the kitchen table to sit. "And not just from Reyes. We've all heard about the incredible Amaya Ikeda, thug turned soldier turned captain turned hero."

"Oh," I said with a laugh. "That's a bit much-"

"Amaya Ackerman," Reyes cut in, correcting his wife as he hefted up one of his younger sons.

"Ackerman," she repeated, looking at me. "Did I have your name wrong?"

"No, not at all," I answered, "I am Amaya Ikeda, but I'm recently married, and took my husband's name."

"Ah," she said conspiratorially, with a smile to match. "Married to a comrade, hmm?"

"Not quite," I told her. "I've known him for years. We didn't meet in the military - we were friends and partners long before we were military comrades. I'd prefer to say that I married one of my oldest, dearest friends." Then, rather bashfully, I added: "The love of my life, I should say."

"How cute," she cooed. "You know, I suppose I'd heard about that through the grapevine, too. Criminals, soldiers, captains... and now adoring spouses." She sighed wistfully. "What a cute story."

"If you say so," Reyes muttered, joining us at the table.

"I know it was so long ago, but I'm sorry about what happened to El," she said softly, her kind eyes of honeyed brown meeting mine. "He was a good friend of mine, too, and... he wrote often about you."

I felt my heart swell at the mere thought. "Did he really?"

"Through his writing," she said, smiling now with nostalgia and warmth, "I felt like I knew you. I still have the letters, if you would like to see them."

"Maybe later, Edith," Reyes interrupted, and I was happy to at least know the name of the woman who seemed to have known about me since I was a child. "Amaya has some other news to share, as well."

"Oh," I said, knowing what he was alluding to - for how could he mean anything else? "I'm expecting."

Edith gasped, but the shock very quickly made way for joy; joy that shone clearly through each of her features and soon, her voice as well. "Are you really? Well, believe me sweetie, I know all about it, so if you have any questions at all, I can help you."

"I appreciate it," I said honestly. "Surprisingly enough, not many people in the scouts are too knowledgeable about the subject."

"Oh, I bet," she said. "Too busy being self-righteous and courageous to think about babies."

"You're not wrong," I said, finding plenty of truth to her words. "As we speak, they're off risking themselves to reclaim Wall Maria."

"I watched them go up the wall," she said. "Quite the spectacle, and I must say, whenever the scouts left Trost before or passed through, I don't remember there ever being such a wonderful send-off."

"Neither could we," I said. "We were all surprised by the reception."

"Mm," she hummed, thinking about something closely. "That Erwin Smith, isn't he handsome?"

I laughed, I couldn't help it. "He is," I agreed. "Smart, too."

"And he must be so charming, to get people to risk themselves for him!"

"He does have a way with words," I said with a nod.

"Oh," she said suddenly, "I think I saw you, too, now that I think about it. With a rather grumpy-looking short man."

"That'd be Levi, honey," Reyes said through a sigh.

"Ah, I'm sorry," she said, closing her eyes and smiling cutely. "I mean no offense, truly!"

"I almost forgot to mention," Reyes said slowly, looking my way. "Amaya, how many of the rumors about the Wings of Freedom have you heard?"

"Only enough to know that people consider me the Blue Wing and Levi the White Wing. A couple of my late squad members told me about it. It's been said that some people believe I'm the strongest woman, and he's our strongest man - and soldier in general."

"And only when our wings fly together," Reyes went on to say, "can humanity hope to succeed. A new one's going around now. Since word of your union came out, people have assumed that you'd be expecting soon, it was only a matter of time. So how fitting, then, that though you must step away from the fighting, you are still regarded as the Blue Wing, and on your jacket, the Blue Wing sits just tucked behind the White, but is no less important."

"You made that up," Edith said, slapping his arm.

"I swear, I didn't," he said, and for the most part, he seemed genuine. "Though it does sound nice, doesn't it? When I picked up food for tonight, I overheard the shop-keeper talking about it. We should let you get settled in, Amaya. Did you leave any personal effects in the barracks overnight?"

"Not much," I said, "but yes, I did."

"It's not far," he said. "I'll walk you over. Come on, kiddo."

"Daddy," one of the little girls said, approaching him - and goodness, if she wasn't the cutest damn thing.

"Yes, sweetie," Reyes replied with all the practiced, careful intonation a father learned to have.

"Can I come?"

"No, Maggie," he answered right away. "A military barrack is no place for a little girl."

"All the scouts have cleared out," I said. "It was cleared for our use, and no other soldiers should be occupying it at the moment, so there's no one there right now."

"Amaya," Reyes said evenly, "you're not helping."

"Come on, pop," one of his boys said, "you're a soldier, aren't you? With two soldiers there, surely she'll be safe? Or do you not trust yourself or even... Amaya?"

"Kai," Reyes said in warning.

"You're not gonna leave Miss Amaya to take care of her if something happens, are you?"

"She is stronger than you, right?" Another child piped up.

"That's what the rumors say," one of his daughters affirmed. "Only one man is stronger than her!"

"All of you, knock it-"

"Please, daddy?" The girl ran to me, her arms up. I picked her up with a smile and she giggled as her father turned to look at her.

"Fine," he relented, if only to protect his pride. "But this isn't a leisurely walk to a park, Mags. We'll be quick, in and out."

"Thank you, daddy!" Reyes walked to the door, fixed his jacket, placed a hat on his head, then opened the door. I set the girl down and she took my hand. I led her outside, and by now it was very cool, and I wished I'd have worn my long coat to accompany the Scouts to the wall this evening instead of the shorter uniform jacket.

We made the quick walk to the barracks we'd spent the night in, and I led the way to the room I had shared with Levi. It was eerily quiet there; the Garrison forces not quite having arrived yet to clean it out. I let go of the girl's hand once inside and she ran to the desk set against the wall to rummage through it. Reyes stood in the doorway, looking around the room.

"Thank the Goddesses you're both short," he said. "That bed is tiny."

I sent him a look as I approached the nightstand, sitting on the edge of the bed as I collected the small bundle I'd brought with me. Since I knew I'd be coming to stay with Reyes until the battle was over and the Scouts returned, I'd brought a few things with me to keep me busy, along with a few changes of clothes. I unwrapped the bundle once it was in my lap to double-check what was in it.

I'd brought with me the military patches of the departed Special Operations Squad members, as well as a wad of parchment and documents detailing their addresses, or at least those of their families. I figured I could take the time to finally write out the letters to be sent to their families. I retied the bundle and once secure, I put it on the bed. I walked to the coat rack and switched jackets, putting the long one on for its warmth.

I set the uniform jacket down on the bed as I began buttoning the coat, and I frowned once I saw how faded and rough the jacket was. The leather was worn and though fitted perfectly to my body, I figured it was maybe time to get a new one. This was, after all, the first and only one I'd gotten.

The emblem on the back was fading in color, and as I ran my fingers along the Wings, I could feel how worn the feathers were. There were spots where the stitching had come undone, the leather wings peeling up slightly. The white was dirty, now almost gray, and the blue was dull and weather worn. Even on the front pocket, I noticed the embroidering of my name and rank was coming undone. I sighed.

Reyes' daughter surprised me then, looking up at me from my side with wide eyes. "Miss Amaya!"

"What do you need, sweetheart?"

"Can I try your jacket on, please?"

"Of course, you can," I said, picking it up. I helped her slide her hands into the sleeves and with how short she was, I couldn't help but laugh at the sight that the jacket, meant to be cropped to ensure there was no interference with the gear, went down to Maggie's hips. "Well now, take a look at you, doll." She giggled and spun in a circle, the sleeves waving wildly since they were too long for her. "You look like a scout already."

"Don't go getting any ideas, girlie," Reyes said, walking over to pick her up.

"Why not? I wanna be like Auntie Amaya!"

"Auntie," I repeated quietly, smiling.

"No, no," Reyes said, "you can be like her all you want, but I don't want you joining the scouts."

"Well now, hold on," I said, looking at him incredulously.

"Amaya," he began, but I crossed my arms, sending him a look. He didn't want to argue. It was too bad, then, because I did. The girl looked between us curiously.

"What's so bad about the Scouts?"

"You're in the scouts," he said quickly, "you should know more than anyone just how dangerous it is. The rate of people dying-"

"We risk our lives to push humanity towards a future of peace," I said.

"Dying to promote peace," he said snarkily.

"Don't you want to know what's beyond the walls?" I asked.

"I'll tell you what's out there: the same damn views we can get from within them," he said.

"But without walls," I countered. "And there's so much more out there. One of my soldiers, he's the most inspiring boy you've ever met, he thinks there's lakes with salt in the water, lakes so big that-"

"We're safe in the Walls," he said.

"Safe," I all but spat. "Safe like a prisoner in its cell - ignorant, but safe, powerless... yes safe. Honestly, do you still think that it's safer? Really?" I shook my head. "After everything the so-called Royal Family has hidden from us, you really think we're safe?"

"I daresay it was the meddling of the scouts that got us into this mess," he said angrily. "The scouts got a big head, upsetting powers out of their control."

"Oh? It was our meddling? What did we meddle with to instigate the initial loss of Wall Maria and Shiganshina? You think we just stumbled upon the Colossal Titan out there during an expedition and invited him to come visit?" I scoffed. "You don't know half of what's going on," I said.

"And you do?"

"I know a lot more than you do," I said.

"Tell me, Amaya. If you weren't captured by the Scouts and forced to join, no matter what happened with you and Erwin, and whatever job you were supposed to do, would you have enlisted?"

"What are you trying to do, honestly?" I asked. "If we weren't caught, we'd still be down in that damn Underground City, dying of disease, hunger, or worse. If we got caught by the Military Police, we'd have been hanged for our crimes immediately, and you know that for a fact. If we weren't caught by the scouts, I wouldn't be here talking to you. I'd be dead, more likely than not."

"So, dying at the hands of a Titan is preferable to you, is it?"

"Yes," I said honestly. "I didn't know what it was like to fight for something bigger than myself, before. I'd never gotten to see the damn sun before, Reyes! But now I can. With El and Caden, I didn't think about much more about putting food on the table for them. When I joined Levi and Farlan, we always had a job to do. I wanted to protect them, just as I wanted to protect El and Caden. And then Isabel joined us, too." I sighed. "You wanted to know why I turned to crime after you and Masie and the other MPs gave up on me. I had no choice."

"You did-"

"What choice did you see for me? You really thought I'd consider enlisting in the military right after being denied help? It was the last thing on my mind. So, I did what I could to make sure I could still live. Unfortunately, that meant I did dirty jobs I'm not proud of. Fortunately, I was invited to join Levi and Farlan. We took care of each other."

I paused for a moment, thinking back on everything that had happened. Thinking of it all, of all the feelings and the plans - ours and Lobov's, then Erwin's - my head was spinning, even now, after so much time away.

"When we were brought to the scouts," I continued, "I realized how good it was to fight for something so much bigger than ourselves. Instead of us, and our survival, we fought for everyone. Erwin shared with me what he thought was beyond our walls. And I realized I wanted to be there when we could finally venture forth safely. To get to that point, someone needs to be brave and kill all the Titans." I turned from him and gathered my bundle in my arms. "I wouldn't expect you to understand. Not when you're content to just sit on your ass to keep the peace."

"Amaya," Reyes said, tone gentle and pleading.

It was the same tone I'd heard from him ever since I was a kid. He wanted me to calm down. Unfortunately for him, I wasn't a child anymore. That wasn't going to work on me. I wasn't throwing a temper tantrum; I wasn't whining about a rule I was unhappy about, and I sure as hell wasn't being fussy. No. He had disrespected what I had dedicated my very life to serving - and that was not going to fly with me.

"Don't," I pressed. "You might think it's a joke, but it's not." I looked over my shoulder to meet his eyes. "Not to me. Not to us. I've risked my life, time and time again, for this cause. I've dedicated my heart to it. It's been a bloody path up until this point but we're so close, Reyes. You have no idea just how close we are to the truth."

I shook my head, willing myself not to tear up, not to cry, not to be anything but strong and composed in this moment. I was no child, not anymore - I was an adult now, and I wasn't going to let him walk all over me, the cause I fought for, my comrades, and my husband.

"As we speak, the scouts – my friends, my comrades, my family – are fighting to reclaim the land we lost years ago," I continued. "If I weren't pregnant, I'd be right there with them. I've almost lost my life for this cause before, Reyes. Don't you dare tell me that it isn't worth it. Don't tell me that a cushy life would be better. After having left these walls, I can't settle for that anymore. None of us can."

"I didn't mean to," he sighed, trailing off and fixing his daughter on his hip. Averting his eyes, he said, "I didn't mean to offend you. After Elwin died, I took it upon myself to care for you. I didn't realize how hard it was, but I know I messed up with you. I'm trying to do better by them."

I let out a breath, not wanting to stay angry with him. What he said rubbed me the wrong way, but if what he was saying was genuine, it was because he cared for me and just didn't want me to die. Still, it didn't make it right.

"Hopefully, by the time they're even old enough to think about joining the military, all of the Titans will be gone."

"I know it doesn't justify what I said, but... Amaya, I promised El that I'd take care of you if something happened to him. It seemed that he never had reason to worry. You never needed me."

"Reyes," I said, "for the time you let me stay with you, I'm still grateful to you. I can't... I could never thank you enough. When I gave up on myself, you took me in, told me to keep living. You did help me, Reyes. You fulfilled your promise to El."

"Please, forgive this foolish old man," Reyes said. "It seems that I've grown to become nothing more than a grouchy preacher, trying to force my ideas on others."

"You've known me long enough to know I don't hold grudges."

Reyes finally smiled. "Yes, I suppose I do remember you saying that once or twice."

"On quite a few occasions."

Maggie yawned, and we both looked at her with smiles on our faces. "Let's head back," Reyes said. "I'm sure we're already late for dinner as it is."

—

By the time we got back to Reyes' home, his wife was just putting food on the table. It was getting late, the sky already dark, but I didn't mind. Time was passing in a weird way today.

Was it really only this morning that I'd woken up next to Levi, and somehow fooled Erwin into thinking that I was only making tea for myself when I found him in the kitchen, swindling my way into having another hour alone with Levi? Thinking back on it, he probably didn't believe me. There was no way he thought I was making tea for just myself. I'd have stayed in the kitchen to drink it with him, if that was the case. At least he had played along.

As we ate, I allowed my mind to wander. What a long day it had been. And it still wasn't over. I was sure I wouldn't sleep soundly tonight. Not when I knew that Levi and everyone else I loved so dearly were off fighting without me.

I sat at the table of a family I wasn't part of. Reyes had tried so hard to include me in the conversation, but I didn't feel right sitting here, making small talk with people I barely knew. I had missed him dearly, just as I still missed Libby, but what connection we had when I was younger had long since faded.

After what he said about the scouts, I didn't quite want to include myself here. It was true, I didn't hold grudges, but it was hard for me to look past what he said. Not only had I made sacrifices for this cause, but how many soldiers had died so far, fighting for the freedom of people like him? And he had the audacity to say something like that to me? He knew I wasn't just a soldier. No, he knew I was a captain, so not only was I dedicated to this cause, I gave my all to it, made so very clear by my rank, achieved from years of hard work.

At some point during the meal, I noticed something touch my leg. Looking down with a start, I noticed a shaggy gray dog looking up at me, tongue lolling out of its mouth. I took a quick glance around the table, seeing that they were deep in discussion about something and paying no attention to me. I took a small piece of meat and lowered it to the dog. It took it gratefully, licking my hand in what I took to be a thank you.

All too soon, everyone was done eating, and I stood up to assist the matriarch of the home with cleaning up while Reyes and the kids took off. "There's no need to help me, dear," she said just as I began rolling my sleeves up to wash the dishes.

"I want to," I said, smiling at her. "The meal was delicious; I want to pay you back somehow."

"As I said, there's no need," she said. "I know you must be exhausted. Maybe not from fighting, but I know how it feels to have a husband away for a mission. It must be especially exhausting for you, being a soldier yourself. You know firsthand the danger, don't you?"

She began washing the dishes, and I stepped closer, only for my hands to be swatted away gently. "Can I dry, at least?"

"No," she said, still smiling sweetly. "Just stay and talk with me awhile."

I sighed but consented, crossing my arms and leaning back against the counter. The dog sat in front of me, looking up at me with hopeful eyes. "I can do that. I uh, yes, I know the danger all too well. It feels weird for me to be here, and not with them. Not that I don't appreciate your hospitality, of course."

"I'm afraid I can't quite understand how you feel," she said. "I was never a soldier myself. But I hear of the bravery of the Scouts nearly everywhere I go, nowadays. It's a wonderful thing you guys are doing. Thank you, truly."

I let a smile grace my face. "Thank you," I said. "Your words mean more than I can say."

"It's a shame," she said, "that so many people ridicule you." I inwardly scoffed, wondering if she knew that that's what her husband was doing not that long ago. "I know I'm not brave enough to fight Titans. But if you can..." She met my eyes. "Well, I have no reason to yell at you, now do I? If I thought I could do it better, use the tax dollars better, than I would. But I can't, so I leave it to you brave souls."

"That's a good way to think about it," I said.

"Oh," she said, "that reminds me. I know you don't know me very well, but I left in the guest room some old clothes of mine for you. I'm not sure how they'll fit you, but they were my maternity clothes. As your little one grows, you won't be able to stay in uniform, my dear, no matter how fit you may be right now."

I smiled, feeling a weight I didn't know I carried with me lift from my shoulders. "Thank you so much," I said. "I don't know what to say."

"Well," she laughed, "I'm far past my birthing days. I think you'll find more use out of them than me. You're smaller than I was when I first became pregnant, so I'm afraid they'll still probably be too big for you. Now come on, I'll show you to your room."

She led me down a hallway and into a small guest room. She bid me a good night and shut the door behind her once she used a match to light the lone lantern on the nightstand. Reyes had brought the bundle of mine in here earlier just before dinner, along with my uniform jacket once he'd pried it from his daughter.

I grabbed the bundle from the desk once I was settled on the bed with it in my lap, I untied it. I looked around for something solid to write on and huffed in annoyance when I noticed the only hardcover book was on a shelf all the way across the room.

"Jeez," I muttered. I left the bundle of my things on the bed before standing, walking across the room to grab a large hardcover book. I tossed it to the bed and changed into the set of pajamas I'd brought. I added the clothes Reyes' wife had given me to the pile, but as I began refolding my clothes, I narrowed my eyes at an article I didn't quite remember packing.

One of Levi's hoodies was at the bottom of the pile, and I picked it up gingerly. It was dark in color, soft, and I put it on, and I swore it was as if he was in the room with me. I closed my eyes, taking in his smell, and I breathed out slowly. Black tea, fresh breezes, parchment, a hint of lavender. Goodness, I missed him already.

I walked over to the window by the bed and pulled back the curtain. It was a new moon tonight. It was a smart move, because the titans that could fight under moonlight would have no such light to fuel them tonight, and their enemies would be hard-pressed to see them moving through the dark. By now, I figured they'd be halfway gone to Shiganshina. I hoped it was going well so far. Hopefully, the enemies weren't-

There was a sudden scratching at the door and my head whipped around at the sound. I heard a whine, and ran to the door, opening it to reveal the dog. As soon as the door was open, the dog happily trotted in, tail wagging. I smiled, watching as it hopped up onto the bed and sat. it looked back at me, as if waiting for me. I closed the door and settled myself on the center of the bed again, stretching my legs out in front of me.

The dog yawned and laid down, setting its head on my leg. I gathered the parchment in my lap, along with a pencil, and set them on the hardcover book on my lap. I tapped the pencil to my chin, thinking about how best to start. I scratched behind its ear absentmindedly with my other hand as I thought about it. I reached for the patches and decided to start with whoever was the one on top.

...It was Eld's. I took a deep, steadying breath, and began to write. Of course, I'd have to start with him.

I began to write:

To the family of Eld Jinn,

I write to you with the deepest grief set in my heart. I know that by now you have received the official report of Eld's death. I know that you also received the letter stating that unfortunately, his body could not be recovered and returned to you.

I had the great honor of fighting alongside Eld for several years, and the distinct privilege of leading him for many months. In my time knowing him, I learned a great deal about who he is not only as a soldier and comrade, but also as a close friend.

Eld took time out of his busy training schedule (set unfortunately by my Co-Captain, with no room for negotiation) to assist me with my paperwork and to ask me to train with him. Even when I did not need help drafting reports, he offered his services, and was rather adamant about easing my workload. Realistically, he should have been the one signing off on them before bringing them to Erwin, and not myself.

Eld was a well-decorated soldier, having very many solo titan kills and many more assists. He was selfless, putting his life on the line often to ensure the safety of others. There were quite a few instances where he stepped in to take care of a monster I didn't see before it could even reach me.

He went above and beyond in everything he did. Given more time, he would have risen through the ranks quicker than anyone else in our history. Eld went out as a hero, fighting a titan that had taken the lives of many of our soldiers.

I miss him a great deal, but I know my suffering is nothing compared to yours, the ones who loved him most. I fight on in his honor. He pushed me, day in and day out, to be better, to never settle for where I was. There was always more to be done in his eyes, and I was grateful for the challenge he always provided. He was an inspiration to many, myself especially.

I am deeply sorry for your loss. The entire Survey Corps grieves for him, and our hearts are with you. We all devote our hearts for humanity. Eld devoted himself entirely to the freedom of humanity. And that is something to be proud of.

While I regret not having more to offer you, enclosed in this letter is his military patch with his assignment.

Thank you so much for allowing us to use Eld's strength, and to take advantage of his kindness. It is thanks to him, after all, that I knew how to dance at my wedding. If your family needs anything at all, do not hesitate to contact me.

- With love, Captain Amaya Ackerman, Survey Corps Special Operations Squad.

After signing off on the letter, I pressed the heel of my hand to my eye, trying to stall the flow of tears. I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to keep myself from sobbing openly. This had always been difficult. I had always made it a point to collect the patches of who I could, and write letters to their families, even if the bodies had been recovered. It was harder when it was somebody I was close to. And I still had more to do. Fuck.

I could only hope that these would be the last letters of this kind I'd ever have to write. I folded the letter, slid it and the patch into an envelope, sealed and addressed it. I continued to write.

—

There came a point that night when I could barely see through my tears, and I had to take a walk around the room to calm myself down. I stood by the window by the bookshelves, using one hand to hold the curtain open. I don't know what I hoped to see. But I looked anyway, hugging myself with my other arm.

It was the dead of night. It was probably about time I turned in.

No. I had to finish the last letter. The dog looked up at me from across the room, still on the bed. It whined, as if begging me to return. "Okay, boy," I said, wiping my tears away with my sleeve, well, Levi's sleeve and walking back towards the bed. "I know, I know, I have to finish it. Thank you." I leaned down and pressed a kiss to the dog's head, and before I could go too far it licked my cheek, getting a laugh out of me. "What a sweetheart you are, boy."

I picked the letter, the last one I had to finish, and read it over. It was Petra's. I continued to write.

... a complete sweetheart. I lost track of the amount of times she checked on my well-being in the middle of a battlefield. Strength, like the kind she had, is hard to come by. I can only imagine she got it from you, her family.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for allowing her to offer us her strength. She helped us take many steps forward in our fight. Enclosed is her military patch and assignment. I am deeply sorry I cannot offer much more than that.

- With love, Captain Amaya Ikeda, Survey Corps Special Operations Squad.

With a sigh, I put the pencil down and folded the letter. I readied it for mailing, then set it with the others on the nightstand. I rubbed my tired eyes with one hand as I leaned towards it, blowing out the flame in the lantern so I could finally get to bed, not that I thought I'd be getting any sleep tonight.

As if sensing that I was finally done, the dog got up and re-positioned itself. It sat by my side, and it reached down to sniff at my belly. It nosed my belly gently, offering a quick lick. I smiled and petted its head. It settled down next to me, resting its head on my shoulder, letting out a tired huff.

I drew the blanket up over me, petting the dog with one arm as my mind drifted. I offered a silent prayer for the scouts tonight. I closed my eyes, exhaustion taking over me. I had no way of knowing what was to happen come morning.

For now, all I could do was pray for their safety and hope for their success.

I glanced out the window at the moonless night from where I lay on the bed. My mind briefly entertained the idea that wherever they were, perhaps Levi was looking up at the sky, at the spot where the moon should be, just as I was.

Levi, my love... please stay safe.