"Listen up, everyone," Hange said, standing from the table and commanding the attention of everyone else in the room. 

We were in the mess hall for the morning meal, and at once, all the chatter died out and was replaced by a sudden silence and stillness that came only with the attention of well-trained soldiers waiting for orders.

"Your assignments today will come directly from your squad leaders," Hange continued, sounding less and less like my best friend and more and more like Erwin's true Number Two, his second in command.

Though Hange really was one and the same, I was definitely proud of them for stepping up even when it must have been so incredibly difficult to. What with Erwin's sudden and continued absence from injury, and such a bad injury at that, it was hard for all of us - us commanding officers especially, because we were expected to keep things going around here. 

"Expect more general training and equipment maintenance," Hange went on to say, "and don't forget your horses. Additionally, anyone who has seen that hairy Titan, please come see me before leaving the hall."

Hange sat back down with a sigh, and I looked over at them, concerned for more than one reason. "Hange, are you alright?"

"Oh, there's just a million things to think about now," Hange told me. "That's all." They ran a hand down their face, and when they cupped their hand beneath their chin and set their elbow on the table, they looked at Levi. "You two will take care of the new recruits again today, won't you?"

"Of course," I said with a nod when their eyes passed over Levi then settled on my face, searching  for something unseen, perhaps support and perhaps nothing more than just an ear to listen for now. "And we can take over running something else for you, too. Just say the word."

"Reassignments are surely coming soon," Hange said rather absently, their warm brown eyes of honey, reminiscent of amber in the sunlight in color found the grain of the table before them. "And a general reshuffle for the rest of us, too. It's probably best to start thinking about who you two want."

"I have a few ideas," I said simply, and that was true.

The ones from the 104th showed incredible promise. Whether we took them all or only a few or even none, that remained to be seen, but Levi and I would surely discuss it later. Of our veteran forces, there were quite a few soldiers likely to move up into a commanding position, or at least a vice commanding position, perhaps even lieutenants. It was our younger scouts we would have to look at to refill our squad. 

With our numbers thinning out, we had to look to the recruits, because what few soldiers we'd had before they joined us were either dead or experienced enough by now to be looked at for a commanding position.

Besides, it wasn't like the recruits weren't deserving of a spot on our squad; they're already battle-hardened, and they work well together. But - and allow me to think like Erwin - if we were to keep looking after Eren (because who better to keep him from getting nabbed by the government and MP's than a couple of thugs who used to evade them on the daily?), we were probably going to be forced to take in his friends, too. They kept him grounded, they motivated him, and they all seemed to support each other.

Hange nodded, not quite listening to what I was saying, and I bit back my sigh. Hange had been so distant these past few days, and it was tough to watch. Hange was tired, as we all were; of course, Hange was exhausted both emotionally and physically, but they were also tired of not having enough information on who we were fighting. We already knew next to nothing about Titans. Now, we had a group of people who had infiltrated our ranks and attacked from within. 

Hange valued knowledge above all else - I could imagine how frustrating this was for them.

"I think you should take a break today, Hange," I suggested, knowing immediately that they wouldn't like the suggestion.

Right on cue, and exactly as expected, Hange looked up at me then, as if appalled I'd even thought of the idea - and even more appalled I'd said it aloud at all, much less to them. "I can't."

"You'll burn yourself out," I told them. "I know it's hard for you, but you need to relax. Use this downtime while you can and take care of yourself. Your brain is no good to us if you're dead, and you know that. I know you're Erwin's next-in-command, but you can lean on us more than you have been."

Hange let out a breathy sort of laugh, and shook their  head incredulously. "Fine," they agreed reluctantly. "But only today."

"I'll take over for you today, Hange," Moblit said at their side, dutiful as always. "I've been telling you to take a break for days now. Why now do you finally agree?"

"That's easy," Hange smiled, stretching their arms over their head. "If the words come from Amaya, they have to be true."

"You're sweet," I said in response. "I appreciate your trust in me."

"It's misplaced," Levi said, "but then again, shitty-glasses never did have good judgment, now did you?" Though his eyes sought out Hange's, he lifted his plate to slide the rest of his food onto mine, guiding it with his fork.

"Thank you," I said to him as Hange barked out laughter, and Moblit started to hush them right away. I spoke quieter, then, and only to Levi: "I'll forget about the fact that you just insulted me, too."

"Oh, good," he responded quietly, with more than a bit of sarcasm in his voice. I met his gaze sidelong and smiled fondly as I gathered some food on my fork.

"Alright," Hange said loudly, only to falter. I took a bite of my food, watching Hange decide what to do. Even as they stood from the table, they hesitated. "I'm off to... I don't know, what do people do to relax? Take a nap?"

"That's a good plan," I assured them. I pointed my fork at them, leveling an even look at them. "If I see you walking around later today, I'm going to kick your ass. Moblit, report to me if you see Hange doing anything that's not relaxing."

"Yes, ma'am," he said with a smile.

"Amaya, you wound me," Hange said, putting a faux frown on their face and touching a hand to their heart. But of course Hange was only joking, and that was made all the clearer when they  sent a wink my way. "Well, I'm off!"

We finished eating in the relative quiet of the table after Hange and Moblit left, though we could pick up on the chatter of surrounding tables if we tried hard enough. There was a group talking about this cute girl one of them had seen in the city the other day, one group was arguing about who amongst them would win in a bout, and I distinctly heard one scout discuss a dream they'd had where Shadis had appeared in his dream only to yell at him.

I enjoyed picking up on the small bits of conversation I could. It was nice knowing that underneath it all, they were still people. Amidst all of the uncertainty of the past few days, and the death and loss, they were still alive and took time from it to talk about such nonsense - if there was one thing we scouts had, it was heart, and a lot of it.

I just wished that nothing would ever break that heart, that our hope would remain intact. Without it, we might falter - which we could not allow that to happen. We had a few of our enemies, we had knowledge we sought to gain, and we had a means of achieving it.

We just needed the word. To that end, we had but one thing to do aside from maintain our training and keep our minds sharp - we had to wait for Erwin to wake up.

—

After eating, I set my plate atop Levi's and picked them both up. "I'm going to go check on people in the infirmary," I said, standing with the dishes in hand. "Think you can control the kids for a few minutes?"

"Checking on that kid?"

"That's right," I confirmed. "It'll only be a few minutes."

"We'll do general warm-ups and training, then," he told me. "Gear training can follow when you get back."

"That works for me," I said. "I'll catch up soon."

I ducked down to drop a kiss to the top of his head, then left. I took care of the dishes then made my way to the medical wing. Even now, days later, it was still incredibly busy. It made sense, of course, but it seemed that so many of our soldiers were hurt - which wasn't good.

Erwin had been carefully moved to a private room, away from the other scouts, so he wasn't here, but I would visit him after. I stepped into the infirmary, offering a polite nod to one of the nurses who was, for now, checking over a document. When she noticed me enter, she looked up, held the board of documents to her chest, then smiled at me.

"Captain Amaya," she greeted cordially. "Good morning."

"Good morning," I replied. "Taking care of yourself?"

"As best I can," she assured me. "If you're here to see Erwin, he's in his office, now."

"Oh," I said, surprised. "Is he doing better, then?"

"He still hasn't woken up," she told me, "but he's stable. Perhaps you can talk some sense into him."

"I'll give it a try," I said, smiling now. "Is Jeremy here?"

"He is," she replied. "But he probably won't be discharged for a long while, and he will not return to active duty. His injuries go beyond just a simple recovery."

"I know," I responded ruefully. "I was there when he got hurt. Don't let me keep you; I'll be on my way. Thank you, miss."

"I'm only doing my job," she said, smiling warmly. "But thank you, captain."

I walked further into the room, being sure to avoid being in the way of the bustling staff. I kept an eye out for Jeremy, the scout who had kept me company atop the wall and that I rescued from beneath the Titan and previously, had been at my side at the start of the mission in Stohess. It was a damn miracle he hadn't been crushed entirely, only his legs - I had a feeling that if he had been even a second slower with his gear, it would have meant his doom.

Jeremy found me first, and called out to me. "Captain," he greeted as I approached his bed with a smile. "Good morning."

"Good morning," I replied, setting my hands in my back pockets. "How are you doing?'

"I'm doing alright," he said, and for the most part it sounded truthful, but anyone could see the melancholy creeping into his eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't visit the other day," I said. "Whenever I tried, they were either working with you or you were asleep."

"There's nothing to apologize about," he assured me. "You're the reason I'm even alive - you saved me."

"I wouldn't let you die," I said with a shake of my head. "Let's just call it a repayment for you checking in on me after returning to the wall." He smiled, and I noticed then that he had a pencil and paper in his lap. "What are you doing there?"

"Ah," he said, as though suddenly remembering they were there. "I'm just writing a letter to my grandmother. I'm letting her know I made it back alive, and that you saved me."

"Oh," I said, surprised. "You don't need to mention-"

"Of course, I need to," he pressed. "If you didn't save me, I'd be out there as a corpse, rotting away on the ground or in a Titan's stomach. I'm telling her - the only difference is whether I tell her in the letter or in person. It doesn't really matter," he said, dejectedly now, "because I'm going back home to her soon anyway."

He gestured rather vaguely to his lower half, but he didn't need to be any more specific than that. When Jeremy lifted the blanket up and away, my eyes flicked right away to his legs - or lack thereof. Everything below his knees have been amputated. I frowned, but let nothing else cross my face. To never be able to walk again... To be bedridden, confined only to a chair... To go from a soldier to someone who needed the help of those around him for damn near everything now...

"Don't get upset on my behalf," he said. "I still have my life, and I can never thank you enough for that. It was either I lived, yet lost my legs, or lost my life entirely. I find that I prefer this, captain."

Despite the heavy nature of the situation, I couldn't help but smile playfully: "Ah, see? All that doom-and-gloom from before was for nothing, then?"

"It was," he said, laughing lightly.

"Just go, and leave me behind," I repeated teasingly. But then my gaze grew serious: "I'm so sorry, Jeremy. I wished I could have gotten to you sooner."

"Don't apologize," he said. "You saved me. You seem to keep forgetting that part."

"Yes, well, I've been told that I have a bleeding heart," I mused, getting an idea after a moment, which I voiced aloud. "Do you think I could write a little note for your grandmother?"

"Oh, uh, of course," he said, handing me the letter and pencil. "Just uh, nothing embarrassing please, captain."

"I would never," I said conspiratorially, meaning of course that I would. But I didn't. I lowered myself into the chair at his bedside, setting the paper down on the small bedside table to write. "It'll only be a moment."

Dear Jeremy's Grandmother,

I'm afraid he didn't offer me your name first; however, I hope this letter finds you well. I took it upon myself to steal his letter away from him, though not for no reason, mind you. I wanted only to tell you that you've helped raise an incredibly kind person, and an incredibly strong soldier. I would be enormously proud of yourself for the work that you've done in raising him, and tremendously proud of him for the work that he's done in maintaining what he was taught.

I'm sure he's told you that I saved him, which I did, but he probably didn't mention how thoughtful he was. During a break in the fighting, just before the battle that he was injured in, he came to check on me, to make sure that I was resting. A subordinate should never have to do so, but I am grateful that he did as such, because he was wonderful company.

I am sorry I couldn't reach your grandson sooner. He was brave, almost stupidly so; he even told me to leave him behind, to get away while I still could. He's selfless, a trait I wish I saw more often from people within these walls.

Thank you for allowing us to utilize your grandson's strength for a while, and I'm terribly sorry that he is returning to you as he currently is. I wish for you and your family everlasting health and happiness.

- Captain Amaya Ikeda, Survey Corps Special Operations Squad.

"There, now," I said with a smile, handing the letter back to him. "It's meant for your grandmother's eyes, not your own." 

Yes, I told him that with a faux sense of seriousness, but I knew he'd read it anyway - and that was perfectly fine. I stood from my chair as he thanked me with a grin, holding the letter to his chest. 

"Don't mention it," I responded. "Be sure to write to me sometimes, understand? And if your grandmother pens a response, I want to see it."

With that said, I saluted him, and he hurried to salute back, but I turned and headed towards the exit before his fist could hit his chest. He did not need to salute to me; I saved him, yes, but I was only doing what any good leader, what any good person, would do. He did not need to thank me for choosing to rescue him: given the choice, over and over, I would do so, time and time again.

But for now, I left the infirmary - and was only stopped by a couple of scouts for a quick chat. I eventually was able to make my way up to the third floor of the base and honestly, upon returning, I hadn't realized just how much I had missed it until I was back in my office and collapsed into my chair of my desk, and turned to look out of my window.

There was no time for that, anyway, not now. I was here to visit Erwin. So, I went to his office. To his bedside I went, and I only briefly and politely regarded the nurse who was here monitoring him. I paid her no heed as I stood over Erwin, looking down at his large frame, dwarfed by the pillows and blankets, and endlessly peaceful.

I'd seen him sleep before; strange though it sounds, on expeditions where we'd spend several days and sometimes several weeks in the field, we would need to stop and rest. But never had he looked like this: so peaceful, so content, so calm. In the field, if we found an old castle to rest in, we would sleep as soldiers would, which was quite like that of a cat - ready always to spring up at the first sign of danger.

I sighed as I took him in, injury and all, serenity and all. 

"It takes you nearly getting killed for you to get a good night's rest, huh? Sorry son of a bitch," I said quietly.

That great big chest of his rose and fell with his breaths, and his very being no longer seemed to exude the quiet calm nature of his command. It was a different quiet, and a different calm, but this wasn't the leader we needed.

"Next time you pull something stupid like that," I said, setting my hands on my hips, "I might not be around to save your ass. You do know that, right?" I heaved out a breath. "Just wake up soon, alright? I'm getting bored without your weird philosophical questions keeping me awake at night. And besides, you have to wake up before we head to Eren's basement without you."

I took one more good look at him, as if he'd wake up suddenly under my scrutiny. I knew he wouldn't, I knew it was pretty damn unlikely, but it was worth the try.

"Your fight's not over yet, commander," I said before turning on my heel. 

Content now that I had seen who I wanted to and said my pieces for both, I knew it was time now to get to work, and that of course meant that I had to head to the training grounds.

As I descended those familiar steps and traversed those familiar halls, I couldn't help but feel a certain sense of hope bloom in my heart; the familiarity of it all just made it feel like home, and after being away for so long, there was nowhere else I wanted to be.

The time to fight would come soon, or otherwise, the fight might come to us - but until then, I would train and maintain that of these young recruits who were, for now, without a squad. As I approached the set of double-doors leading out to the grounds, I adjusted my jacket, and when I opened the door, the bright morning sun blinded me, but only temporarily.

I lifted an arm to block its light until my eyes adjusted, and when I blinked the wateriness away, I squared my shoulders and looked up at the sky. It was a beautiful morning, truly. Perfect for... whatever training Levi was leading them through now.

All around me, sounds merged into a wonderful collective song of spring with the scouts, indicative of a day spent hard at work; birds far overhead twittered to each other, an insect or two or five buzzed through the hedges lining the base's walls, and scouts called to each other. The metallic melody of gear echoing through the forests mingled with the snorting of horses and jingling of their tack; the shouts of soldiers working together, calling out where the Titan dummies were and a plan mixed well with the natural sounds of wind rustling through the branches and their leaves.

I set my hands on my hips and breathed it in for a moment. It was all too easy to believe that we didn't have enemies and even an ally that could turn into Titans by some miracle of science or fate, that the royal government wasn't breathing down our necks for us to return the boy to them, that Titans weren't hiding in the walls, and that half of our forces had been cut down by foes from within.

It felt like it did years ago, where training was the hardest part of our day, not speculating where the next attack would come from and how to counteract the government when it came to steal the Titan boy away. It felt like I was in the vanguard again, or even far before that when Farlan and Isabel were around, or even far after that, when Levi and I were appointed captains and had to scour the ranks for soldiers brave and strong enough to join our squad.

It was so simple, then.

I was only a soldier, a captain; how the fuck was I supposed to figure out how to fight against the government, or against teenagers so vile they wanted to kill us all?

A burst of raucous laughter caught my attention, and I realized it came from the 104th recruits. They were gathered together, seemingly working on hand-to-hand combat training, if I had to guess. I jogged over, walking round the circle to stop at Levi's side. I leaned close to him, peeking over his shoulder to watch Jean and Connie spar.

When he realized it was me, Levi let his shoulders relax, offering me up some room to squeeze into the circle beside him. Since everyone's attention was on the fight, I figured it might be alright to hug Levi's upper arm, and so I did; his arms were crossed over his chest, and I set my hands around his arm gently and comfortably, holding myself close to his side.

It seemed I missed the beginning of a good bout, but they were going strong, and I certainly was not going to miss the end of it.

"Beat his ass, Jean," I cheered, and now all eyes seemed to find me - Jean seemed most surprised, and he seemed to be reinvigorated with energy and encouraged by my words. I laughed as he increased his pace, his punches almost flying now.

"Hey," Connie said indignantly, "captain, what about me?" I couldn't help but laugh at the way he was somehow able to whine as he dodged punch after punch. He was clearly on the defensive; Jean didn't let up, his strikes well-timed and strong.

"Start fighting back, you moron," Levi said to Connie. Now that someone had responded to him, Connie was distracted, partially in awe and partially upset, and he sent an incredulous look our way. This only resulted in him getting clocked by Jean and falling over.

Now that the first round of the spar was decided, everyone seemed to relax and different conversations popped up. Eren, on my other side, looked over at me. "Hello, captain."

"Hello, Eren," I echoed easily. "How are you feeling?"

"A lot better than I was a few days ago," he admitted.

"That's good," I said. "You've done good work these past few days, you deserve the rest."

"Ah," he said, somewhat embarrassed. "Thank you, captain."

I looked back to the fight just in time to see Jean grab Connie in a headlock. Connie resisted, or at least he tried to and he really gave it a go, but ultimately he tapped out. Jean consequently released him and helped him up.

"Good bout, boys," I called.

The two shook hands and returned to their spots in the circle, and when the space was clear, Sasha called to me: "Let's see you get in there, Captain Amaya!"

"Oh, goodness," I said, letting go of Levi and stepping into the middle. "Well, I will if I must, if it's the will of you all. I haven't warmed up though, so just give me a minute here." 

I stretched my arms above my head, releasing some tension from them as the kids took to chattering excitedly amongst themselves about who I should fight. I stretched out briefly to warm up and looked at them each in turn.

"Ooh," Sasha chimed, "maybe she should fight Mikasa!"

"The Blue Wing against the #1 graduate of our class," Armin considered. "Interesting!"

"Jean," Connie called, "you should fight her! You idolize her, don'tcha?"

"No way," Jean responded. "I thought I told you to knock it off about that, and anyway, we just went. Or did I hit you too hard, and you forgot?"

Connie didn't get the chance to reply, for someone else spoke: "What if she fights Captain Levi?"

That shut them all up - and got a smirk out of me. If he agreed... well, this would be fun. Armin, the one who suggested it, flushed when he realized everyone was actually considering it and that we were all looking at him. He squeaked, clearly embarrassed, then stammered out a panicked, "Sorry! I was just spit-balling! I just-"

"It sounds good to me," I said, cracking my neck. "Levi? It's been a while."

He considered it for a moment, but it didn't take long for him to reach his answer. "Fine," he decided. There were cheers from the recruits, bringing a smile to my face. I rolled my wrists out, shifting my weight between my feet as he took off his jacket. I reached back to tighten my ponytail and watched him get ready to spar in his own way.

"Oh, hell yeah," Connie said with a smirk. "This outta be good."

"This is so exciting," Sasha chimed in at his side.

"She better beat that runt," I heard Mikasa, somewhere behind me, say.

"Of course, she will," Jean said confidently, then, to me: "Right, Captain?"

I kept my eyes on Levi's as I took a step to the side. He followed, and we walked the perimeter of the circle, slowly, patiently - just waiting for the other to make a move.

His steely blue eyes were focused intently on my own, wonderfully feline and now narrowed slightly, and I knew what was going on in his mind: he was going through years and years of mental records, of watching me fight, of working with me, of sparring me before. Oh, yes, through an extensive catalog of my moves, my strategies and my weaknesses he went, preparing himself for a fight, because I was sure to give him one.

But I suddenly ran at him, feigning a punch, but at the last moment I slid to my knees and past him, jumping to my feet and kicking the back of his knee. I heard his grunt of surprise as he stumbled forward, and I rushed towards him to leap onto his back to force him down when my chin became very friendly with his elbow.

I staggered back, cupping my chin in my hand, but kept my focus on Levi - which was good, because he wasted no time and threw a punch my way. I dodged to the side, but only barely, and swung my own fist towards his stomach. The kids cheered and whistled, calling out to us, things like do this or do that, and all manner of distracting nonsense.

I dodged another punch of his and grabbed his wrist, twisting it to turn him suddenly and before he could react, or perhaps that was only because he allowed me to, but I threw him over me with a harsh tug, a heaved grunt, and a hell of a lot of effort. For someone so physically small, he was so incredibly built, and he was incredibly dense to boot.

Still I did it, and he landed on his back, but he grabbed me as I fell, and used this momentum and my momentary surprise to keep us rolling. He got the upper hand then, redirecting me with the use of his superior strength and pressing me to my back on the ground rather roughly.

He had a knee pressed to my stomach and reeled back for a punch, but I planted my feet into the ground and pushed my hips upwards, catching him by surprise and knocking him off balance. I acted quickly, lunging and pushing him to his stomach.

I couldn't get a good hold of his arms to keep him from getting up, and he pushed up with me on his back. By now we were almost rolling into the kids, so they backed up, the cheering seemingly getting louder. I clung to his back as he got to his feet and wrapped my legs around his torso and arms around his neck in a hold.

"Give in, Levi," I said playfully. "You wouldn't want to pass out in front of them, would you?"

"It's not happening, you brat," he said, grabbing my forearms with his hands. I tried as hard as I could to hold on, but he was just stronger than I was and forced my arms away from him. He grabbed one of my arms with both and yanked me over his shoulder and to the ground.

The wind was knocked out of me, but I rolled to my feet, my survival instincts and my years of training telling me to get up, to not stay down. In a real fight, that would be a death wish, winded or not. He grabbed my arm again, but I slid my jacket off, using the moment, brief though it was, to take deep breaths in to recover. He clicked his tongue and tossed my jacket off to the side.

"Hey," Eren said, "isn't that playing dirty?"

"No playing dirty in a real fight, kiddo," I told him, my eyes keenly trained on Levi all the while. It was a good thing too, because he lunged for me again, determined not to let me recover my breath but I dodged, only barely.

I ducked down quickly, swinging and driving my leg into his to try and knock him over. He saw this coming and leapt over my leg but didn't anticipate the uppercut I had coming for him. I got him in the chin, but he recovered quickly, grabbing the belt across my chest to try and drag me towards him.

I reached out and grabbed the belt on his chest, matching his strength and keeping my arm straight. He clicked his tongue again, grabbing my wrist with his free hand but I did the same to his. I applied constant pressure, keeping him from pulling me towards him or yanking my arm off him.

"I think," Armin began hesitantly, then declared more resolutely: "I think it's a draw!"

"Damn," Sasha muttered. "I thought Amaya had it!"

"Levi would've won," Connie scoffed, and all of them started chatting away again at once.

Using their preoccupation to our advantage, I smiled and met Levi's steady gaze. "A draw, huh?"

"I don't know about you," he said slowly, "but I don't want to keep it a draw."

"Always so stubborn," I lamented playfully. "Sure, we can keep going, but this makes it really hard to kiss you, doesn't it?"

With only an annoyed click of his tongue from him, I knew I let go of his wrist with one hand, holding it up in a display of good-will, to show I was done fighting. He didn't look very happy about it, but he followed my lead. He let go of my chest belt too, but in a bout of confidence that maybe shouldn't have come while we were in front of all these recruits, I pulled him towards me to press a kiss to his cheek.

I couldn't be sure if they saw it or not because none of them commented on it, but I allowed myself to laugh lightly at Levi's flustered little look. He cleared his throat and wiped it from his face as soon as he could, but I had seen it, and that was all that mattered, really. He left the circle, then, grabbing his jacket from Eren who had picked it up for him. I looked on the ground for my jacket, and Jean called out to me.

"Captain Levi tossed it over here," he explained, "so I picked it up for you."

I smiled at him and took my spot in the circle next to him. When he held the jacket my way, I took it in hand, and put it on as Eren and Sasha took to the center of the circle at Levi's command. 

"Thank you very much," I said to him, watching Eren do what he could to dodge Sasha's wild - yet incredibly effective - advances.

"It was a good bout," Jean said to me. "I thought you had it, really."

"Ah," I mused with a dramatic flourish, "he was too quick for me today, it seems."

And I probably shouldn't, I knew it shouldn't, but the prospect of the whole thing was too damn enticing and so I set an elbow on Jean's shoulder, holding him at my height.

Was it nice? No, not really, but flustering the boy was incredibly fun. Based on his reactions to what his friends said, it was true that he had spent much of his cadet days speaking highly of me whenever anyone brought up the Corps. Why me, specifically, I didn't know, but the puppy love was very cute.

"Who do you think will win this one?"

"Sasha's gonna take it," he said confidently. "The bastard doesn't stand a chance against her."

I winced as Eren was slammed onto his back. "Yeah," I said as Eren cried out. Sasha forced him to his stomach in what looked to be a rather painful looking grapple. "I think you're right."

"My lunch is yours if you win, Sasha! Remember that!" Connie called out to her as Eren started fighting back. With a mighty cry, she pushed Eren back down and I winced again at the sight.

"He never stood a chance," Jean muttered, and I stood up straight, letting him stand at his full height and letting my own arms return to my sides.. "If food's involved, Sasha's not losing, that's for damn sure."

"There's humanity's hope for you," I sighed as Eren tapped out. Once they were done, the group was dismissed early. It was... strange, and not my decision. Levi called that shot, and it was only strange because it was so early. It was too early to break for the afternoon meal, and I said as much, but Levi was letting them take time before gear training began in the afternoon.

I wondered what was so important or special about this afternoon's training that would require them to have this break now, but I resolved myself to ask him. And with all this extra time, well, I would have that chance.

Sasha and Connie took off towards HQ immediately. Jean, after a polite farewell, trailed after them with Armin and Historia at his sides. Mikasa appeared to be waiting for Eren, but Eren waved her off - and Levi was waiting for me, but I waved him off, because with the way he hung back, I had a feeling that Eren wanted to talk. Levi seemed reluctant to leave, but I gestured for him once more to go on without me. He stayed there for another moment, looking at me with one eyebrow raised before turning and finally heading towards the base.

Only once we were alone did he speak.

"Captain Amaya," he said hesitantly, refusing to look at me.

"Yes, Eren?"

"May I speak with you?"

"Of course," I said. Goodness, the poor thing looked so nervous to be standing here with me. But what had I done? Had I said something? Oh, I hoped not. The poor thing...

"Captain, I..." When he trailed off, he cleared his throat and took a moment to summon his nerve. "I'm sorry for what happened during the expedition."

I did what I could not to react visually. "What do you mean?"

"I made the wrong choice," he explained. "If I had turned into a Titan earlier, I might have been able to give your squad the time they needed to get away, or distract her enough so they could kill-"

"Eren," I cut him off. "I don't want to hear you talk like this anymore." My gaze softened. "Why are you bringing this up now?"

"I just... I was going through everything that happened just this past week. We'd prepared for so long, and I thought we were ready... But so much of what happened was my fault. People died for me, and I... I shouldn't have lashed out like I did at you and Captain Levi. I was scared and didn't want more people to die because of me." He scoffed and shook his head ruefully. "And what happened the next few days? More people died for me."

"You're under a lot of pressure," I said gently. "I can't say I know how you have so much on your shoulders, but as a captain, I have some, and as a soldier, I understand how it feels to see others die for you. It's not on the same scale, but I do understand."

I thought back, for a moment, to Flagon, to Sairam, to Isabel, and to Farlan. Farlan, especially, he... He looked me in the eyes and told me that he couldn't bear to see me die. He sacrificed himself so that I might escape. And it had been so easy for me to give in at that point, and I nearly had...

"It's alright for you to get frustrated," I continued. "I know I would've been."

"You had a plan, didn't you? You and Captain Levi, you knew what you were doing. You knew they were setting up the trap."

"We did," I admitted. "More than that, we trusted Erwin. Even if we didn't know the plan, we trusted that there was one, and that our orders would lead us there."

"But how can you..." Eren trailed off uncertainly. "How can you just trust something like that?"

"For one thing," I said slowly, "it's our job. I know we spoke before about how you thought we might not follow the chain of command, but we do. What we're told to do, we do - anything less would mean that we would lose our rank. More than that, Erwin has proven himself to be a strong, capable leader on more than one occasion. It's not blind trust, Eren. He's earned our trust time and time again. As it was, with a plan like that, we couldn't let it become public information, for what should be obvious reasons. If Reiner and Bertholdt had found out..."

"They did find out," Eren said regretfully. "I just wish I'd have transformed-"

"Eren," I said gently, "you made the decision. Didn't Levi lecture you about this already?" Only when he nodded did I continue. "If you live your life constantly looking back and saying, what if and if only I'd have done this, you'd never grow - you'll be stuck in the same loop of regret and loathing and that is no way to live. You made the decision based on what you knew and how you felt at that moment in time. The people who threw their lives on the line for you did the same, with what they knew and how they felt."

Uncertain eyes of emerald flickered to mine hesitantly; he looked to be physically weighed down and I wanted to do whatever I could to help relieve him of that burden. "Is that how you and Captain Levi live?"

"It is," I answered. "Growing up where we did, we made a lot of choices that others would find regrettable. We've killed people, tortured some, held others against their will. We did what we needed to in order to survive where we were - not that knowing that made it any easier. Here, we do the same. It's just a different scale." I smiled at him, hoping to reassure him. "You're not the only one who Levi needs to remind of that lesson, though. It's hard, I know it is. But people believe in you, Eren. You give them hope."

"I've screwed up a lot so far," he said with a frown.

"That doesn't matter to them," I told him, shaking my head. "As far as your comrades go, we all see the work you're putting in. You're giving your all for humanity, and that's all we can ask of you. The cycle of Titans killing us, and people hiding in the background orchestrating it all, is ending because you're here. They're fighting for you to give you the time you need to figure it out."

"I still just can't believe people trust me so much," he said, and the small pout on his lips was so cute, I couldn't help but laugh.

"It's a lot of pressure, right? Trust me, I get it. But you'll get used to it," I assured him. "As a captain and as the supposed Blue Wing.... All of us commanding officers feel responsible for the lives lost in our name, by our orders. People look up to you, trust you, believe in you, and put themselves at risk for you just because you tell them to."

I paused for a moment, and it was clear he was hanging off my every word. I better say something good, then.

"It doesn't ever get easier to watch them die, but we've learned to produce results they can be proud of. That's what you need to learn up here," I said, poking him in the forehead, "because you've already got it down here." I poked his chest, right where his heart was hidden. "You've poured blood, sweat, and tears out for this cause, Eren. That doesn't go unnoticed. That's why people are willing to fight for you."

Eren finally, finally, seemed relieved of part of that burden, of that weight on his shoulders, and... he smiled at me. "Thank you, captain."

"Anytime you need some sense knocked into you, just ask." I had an idea then, but I looked away, my voice growing quieter. "I guess I do have just one question for you, though."

"What is it?"

"Were they..." I paused immediately to take a breath to collect myself. The images of the corpses came back to me in a rush - Gunther, Eld, Petra and Olou - the corpses of those so brave, so talented, yet now lost in the wilds, left to rot, for no Titans would eat prey that wasn't alive. They had soldiers' deaths, but it wasn't what they deserved. They deserved so much better than that. "Were they brave when they died? Did they fight well?"

Eren's eyes widened, clearly not having anticipated the questions. "Oh," he said, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. "Yeah-I mean yes, they were. I hadn't seen them fight before. Well, there was all the training, and I was... well, threatened by them, but it was... It was incredible, seeing them fight together. They were... They didn't even have to talk, they just knew what the plan was and what their roles were, and..."

"That sounds like them," I said with a fond smile when he trailed off and despite myself, I could feel tears well up in my eyes.

"They just had so much trust in each other," Eren went on to say. "I... I honestly just wanted to stop and watch them. It was then that I realized the true strength of the scouts. Of course, we all know how strong you higher-ups are. But for regular soldiers to be that strong, so coordinated..." Eren smiled. "It was inspiring, captain."

"They were good soldiers," I said, wiping a tear from my eye before it could roll down my cheek. "Amazing people too, and I miss them. But..." I looked up to meet his eyes. "But I see a lot of the same qualities in your group."

Eren looked up at me, surprised, and I felt my heart melt from such a cute reaction. Over these past few weeks of being his captain, or being in charge of him, of mentoring him, training with him, everything... It was hard not to grow close. Having anyone under your wing was a trap to grow attached, and I had to admit it - Eren was a terribly hard-working, earnest, dedicated young soldier, and as a person, he was someone I would be proud to know.

"Really?"

"Of course," I replied. "You all trust each other already, don't you? And you all have different ideas, strategies, and mindsets, yet form a cohesive unit. You guys remind me of them a lot."

"Thank you, captain," Eren said genuinely, and with a genuine smile to boot.

"Come here," I said, opening my arms out.

He looked confused for a moment, but I stepped to him and took him into my arms. He was hesitant at first to hug me back, but he did, his hold on me gentle, but he melted into it rather quickly.

"You're not alone in this fight," I said to him. "You've got your friends, Levi and myself, and an entire regiment backing you. I know it can get overwhelming. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to let me know. You're still so young, and technically still under my name. Do not be afraid to ask for help."

"I... Yes, Captain AMaya."

"Now go rest up before the lunch hour," I told him, drawing away from him. "It's a rare gift for Levi to grant anyone a break, so take it while you can."

He saluted with a smile before turning and taking off at a jog towards the base. I followed after him, slower because I was not at all in a rush, and set my hands in my jacket pockets and hummed a quiet tune to myself as I did.

For the first time in a while, thinking about those fallen comrades didn't bring a heaviness to my heart. Rather... I was reminded of their bravery, their strength, and their incredible way of working together.

They were fine soldiers, and though the grief was still a heavy burden, we had to keep moving towards the future.

—

When I returned to my office, Levi was just leaving it - because of course he still preferred to frequent my office over his own - to go, as he told me, retrieve some evaluations from Erwin's office.

While the commander was still asleep, the evaluations would be easy to retrieve from his records, and if we really did have to prepare for reassignments, we would need the records and evaluations both from their cadet days under Shadis, but all the observations that had been made by other commanding officers over the month before the 57th.

Levi and I had, of course, not been there for their training days - we had no idea how they worked. I supposed I actually did have some idea, for I had fought alongside some of them during the operation in Stohess and after. Still.

Levi had already made tea and had poured two cups, and the level of liquid in each cup was perfectly even, and they were perfectly still. He hadn't had any yet, and I smiled when I realized he had been waiting up for me. Goodness, he was so sweet when he wanted to be.

...But I had a bone to pick with him. And he wasn't entering this room until I willed it. I smirked; this would be fun. Was it a real bone? No, of course not. But it was fun to mess with him - so though he'd closed the door to the office when he left, I returned to it now to lock it.

As soldiers, we had to make a lot of our own fun. And this was one of those ways, and honestly... I couldn't wait for him to return.

I stood beside the door, knowing that it wouldn't take long for him to retrieve what he needed and to come back. And sure enough, I heard his resounding steps coming down the hall towards me rather quickly. I heard him grasp the doorknob and start to turn it, only to realize it was locked.

"Amaya," he called through the door. "The door is locked."

"It is," I responded. "Because I locked it."

I heard him click his tongue. "Well, I left my key in my jacket pocket. Let me in."

"Hm," I pretended to consider. "No."

"Amaya," he huffed. "Let me in."

"I'd rather not," I said.

He (wisely) chose to humor me. "Why?"

"You embarrassed me."

"Now how in the hell did I do that?"

I crossed my arms over my chest, leaning back comfortably beside the door's frame. "You could've let me win in front of the kids."

"..."

"..."

"You're such an idiot."

"So are you," I said. "You should know that I'm only joking."

To emphasize my point, I reached down with one hand and unlocked the door, then opened it and let it swing open all the way. He stepped into the room, pausing once beside me to nearly glare at me. But when I smiled, he sighed, and stepped completely into the room. I closed the door behind him, then followed him to the desk.

"So," I said, standing beside him at the desk as he opened the folder and spread out the evaluations. "Have anyone in mind?"

"Yes," he answered. "Do you?"

"The 104th recruits show promise," I said, and he nodded.

"That's who I was thinking."

"Good to know we're on the same page, then," I said. "For as long as Eren is with the scouts, Erwin will likely keep him with us - but when it comes to the others, I think keeping them with him is the best call."

"We're probably going to be asked to babysit them anyway," Levi said, reaching over the desk to grab the cups of tea. Handing one to me, he brought his own to his lips. I followed suit, letting the gentle warmth from the cup warm my palms and soothe my throat. "They cause a lot of trouble, but they seem to work well with the kid."

"They keep him grounded, anyway," I agreed. I nudged his shoulder with mine, smiling slyly his way. "Though a bunch of brats that cause trouble sounds like the opposite of what you'd want for a squad to lead."

"Erwin's going to make us babysit them anyway," he said. "We may as well just accept it."

"True," I said. "As soon as Hange said it this morning, this was exactly what I was thinking. They need a captain, we need brats to lead... It all works out. And look at us, on the same page."

He clicked his tongue and I took another sip of my tea. "I've spent too much time around you."

As soldiers, we had to make a lot of our own fun. He just made it too easy. So even if his own words were playful, and he knew I took them as such, it was far too tempting to try to guilt-trip him, even if it wouldn't work. So hid my smile as best I could, preparing myself to mess with him as best I could.

Oh, yes. This would be fun.