"This is a disgrace," Levi muttered, his voice dry and his tone venomous - a clear look into how he was feeling at the moment - but still, there were layers and layers left unsaid and unrevealed. "A lot of good this formation does when the bastards can bore into it that deeply."

Eren, as instructed, fired off a black smoke signal, sharing the news that an Abnormal Titan had been spotted.

"An entire wing, lost just like that," I said reluctantly. It wasn't just recruits that were there, but veterans, comrades I had known and worked with for years. And... wiped out? Those words had a wicked sense of finality to them, one I didn't want to think about. I said my next words without even really meaning to: "The new recruits..."

"You said it yourself, captain," Eld said to me, riding at my flank. Even with those few words, I could tell he was doing his best to maintain his nerve, and by speaking to me as such, he was trying to tap into some of my own courage. "Let's not underestimate them, right?"

"I'm not," I assured him, setting my worry aside and being the leader I needed to be at the moment. Worrying and being upset would do nothing for me right now and certainly nothing for my subordinates. Erwin stationed me here with them and not in the forest to man the traps for a reason, and I would not falter. "Trust me, I'm not. Not after what they got through in Trost. I'm not pitying them, either; they know what they signed up for."

"Look up ahead," Levi said. I knew without even having to look what exactly he had seen, but I looked anyway.

There on the horizon was a forest, but it was no regular forest, like the ones that frequented Wall Rose's lands and even popped up elsewhere within this wall. This forest in particular was one of Wall Maria's natural wonders. Geographically, and with regard to most of its flora, it was a perfectly normal forest - that is, of course, if you didn't take into account the giant fucking trees.

It was our destination for this mission, unknowing for a great many soldiers. Only we commanding officers were aware that it was our goal, much in the same way that only we knew of the real intent of this mission. Hidden beneath the thick canopy of leaves, settled atop branches and strapped to trunks, were the traps Hange and Moblit built that I helped design, and even now they were with the advance teams that were ready to spring the trap as soon as the target was lured in.

Hopefully it wouldn't be us doing the luring, but with how this day was going already...

"Only the center rank is passing through it," I said, maintaining a front of ignorance. "The trail isn't wide enough for the whole formation. But what is Erwin thinking? We could have passed around it, couldn't we?"

"Who knows," Levi said, playing along. For this plan of Erwin's to work, everyone needed to believe that we knew nothing, even if that meant lying to our squad and playing dumb. "But unless we're told otherwise, that's where we're going."

We remained silent as we surged ahead, heading straight for the forest. Petra returned to us, having passed on the message she needed to and eventually, we entered the forest without incident. But even as we approached it, with each step on, the tension between us grew and unspoken words passed between our subordinates.

Our silence was growing unbearable. Our subordinates were growing worried. Our conviction remained unwavering.

We pressed on. It was dark under the thick canopy of trees, only thin trails of sunlight were able to break through and stream down to the moss-covered roots and worn dirt trails. The trees were wide and would make for good cover from whatever had wiped out the right side, that whatever being...

"Captains," Eren called, pulling me from my thoughts, and I knew already that he was about to try speaking for the group, for all those under our command. Our four seasoned soldiers knew better than to ask after our intentions or question us; Eren still needed to learn that lesson. I only hoped he wouldn't make this too hard on us.

"What?" Levi asked for both of us.

"Come on, sir," Eren said exasperatedly. "We're in a forest! We won't see a Titan until it's right on top of us! The center rank is totally cut off! Something's coming up on the right, isn't it? So, what are we supposed to do?"

He sounded so panicked, it almost physically hurt my heart to hear. I kept my gaze stubbornly ahead, knowing damn well that if I looked at him, I'd be tempted to tell him the truth which I absolutely could not do. I could distinctly feel the weight of Eld's gaze on me as well.

That, perhaps, was worse. If not just having someone so young be so scared under my jurisdiction, proving that I was not doing my job properly, having one of my most trusted comrades looking to me for guidance, hoping with all his heart that he could trust me was far more heartbreaking.

"Haven't you noticed what's around you? Take a look at these big-ass trees," Levi said. "Perfect environment for maneuver gear, wouldn't you say? Take my advice, Eren. Calm down and use your head. The best survival tool is your brain."

"Yes, sir," Eren said hesitantly, accepting his reply for now. It was the mark of a soldier. They must always follow orders... no matter how scared they were. Only, it seemed Eren's words sparked ripples of unrest with the others.

"It doesn't make sense," I heard Olou utter to his comrades. "What are we doing here? There's gotta be a reason. I mean, they know, right? They gotta."

I took a look back at them over my shoulder; all my soldiers looked afraid, confused. I wished I had something to say to them, but I couldn't. I wanted so desperately to tell them that there was a plan, that we knew what was going on... but I couldn't.

I turned back around before any of them could look me in the eyes. That would be too much. That would be what would make me crack.

Erwin had planned this all from the beginning. We knew the plan. We knew why they couldn't know the plan. It was logical. It was sound. But all of this was banking on the hope that our subordinates trusted us enough to blindly follow our orders, trust our judgment, and that whatever – or whoever, rather – had followed us out here would play into our hands. That was today's gamble.

We weren't much farther in when we heard the telltale sound of a smoke flare. "Black smoke," Eren informed us, having looked back to see it.

"Ah, it's right behind us!"

"Damn thing's been on our ass since we came in here," Eld exclaimed, defiance and a distinct sense of worry in his voice.

"Blades drawn, now," Levi ordered. "It'll happen in the blink of an eye. Be ready." What it was, was assuredly unclear to our soldiers, but they dutifully obeyed. Hell, even I did. I drew my blades, curling and uncurling my fingers around the triggers nervously.

I glanced back at my soldiers, only to see that they were looking around, fear written across all their features. "Eyes forward," I ordered. They complied... or at least, most of them did. "Eren," I called sternly. "Eyes forward, now!"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, facing forward once more.

That was when the footsteps started pounding through the forest. They were fast and heavy, booming through the ground and bouncing through the trees. "Go, move it!" Levi called. At once, wordlessly and without protest, we urged our horses ever faster, and it was soon clear even to them that this was no regular abnormal Titan.

"Holy shit," Gunther shouted, looking back at it as we all were. Drawn in by what might have been fear, or a desire to know who and what could have killed my comrades, or a fierce urge to protect my subordinates here, I turned my head. I looked at our foe. I looked at the Titan pursuing us. And what I saw enticed a chill to travel down my spine.

It was tall, likely 15-meters, with patterned skin unlike any other Titan I'd ever seen. It had muscles pulled taut around limbs, long, almost feminine legs, blonde hair, startling blue eyes the color of the sky even in the dull light of the forest, and...

Boobs.

The Titan had boobs.

This was the first time I'd ever seen a Titan that appeared to be female. Something in her eyes was dangerous, but in a calm, focused way. It was not the set of eyes that Titans usually had, for they weren't unfocused, dazed, curious... No, I knew well those eyes. They conveyed all too clearly that to her, we were easy prey.

"How the hell are we supposed to pull evasive maneuvers in here?" Gunther asked.

"It's catching up," Eld shouted out, alerting us.

"Captains," Petra called to us. "Engage the maneuver gear?"

We didn't answer.

"Captains!" The sounds of maneuver gear caught our attention. "Rear reinforcements!"

The reinforcements didn't last long. I watched in horror as the Titan grabbed the soldiers' wires, yanking them backwards and killing them.

I looked at Levi, who had seen it just as well as I had. I looked at him, and when our eyes met, we didn't need to speak to know that the terrible truth had been realized. This Titan was like Eren. It was intelligent, just as we all feared.

"Captains!" Petra called again. "Your orders!"

"It's dangerous," Olou yelled. "Let's take it out! Tell us to engage!"

Eld brandished his blades. "I'll cut the bitch!"

"Captains!"

"We need your orders!"

"She's gaining on us!"

"Let's just take her out!"

"It's the whole reason we're here, isn't it? Right, Captains?"

"Your orders, please!"

We still did not answer. We had to believe in our commander. We had to trust that Hange prepared the traps. We had to leave our squad in the dark.

"Everyone," Levi spoke calmly, "cover your ears, now." 

He prepared his flare gun, loading into it an acoustic round. I glanced back at the squad, only to see that there had been no attempt to do as they were told. They were only staring at him, surprised and disbelieving, forcing their stubborn limbs, so finely tuned to follow orders, not to do so.

"Have you forgotten how to follow orders? Cover them, dammit!" I yelled, sheathing my blades and leaving the controller grips connected, in order to free up my hands so I could cover my own. They finally obeyed, and Levi fired off the shot; I winced at the noise, the horses expressed their distaste with snorts and the like, and the sound bounced around in my head and left my ears ringing.

"Was that an acoustic round?" Eren asked.

"Loud, isn't it?" I asked, though not without a bit of snark, but perhaps more of it entered my voice than I wanted with the way Eren's eyes snapped to mine, confusion displayed so clearly in them. "Next time, and this goes for all of you, Levi won't wait as long to fire it off, so when you're given the order to cover your ears - or any order, for that matter - it would do you well to listen to it."

"But-"

"Remind me," Levi said, effectively cutting the boy off, "what is our mission? Is it to simply act on impulse in the heat of the moment? Let me answer that question for you: it's not. This squad's mission is to keep this brat alive, whatever the cost. Don't forget it." He looked forward, centering his gaze on the trail before us, not the Titan behind us. "We keep pushing forward on horseback. Is that clear?"

"As a bell, sir," Petra answered for them, acting as always as his picture-perfect aide.

"But for how long," Eren started. "We can't keep running forever! She's right on top of us as it is! If we don't do something soon – No! They're gonna keep coming! They're all going to die if we don't turn around and do something!"

"Eyes front," Gunther yelled to him. "Stop looking behind us!"

Eren balked at him. "Seriously?"

"Keep pace with the group," Eld told him, sounding less and less to be nothing more than a simple aide, and more and more like an official lieutenant, my true second-in-command, or perhaps a commanding officer himself. "Maintain top speed or we're all dead!"

"Eld, please," Eren begged. "Help them! If this squad can't do something, then who can? They need us!" A sharp, sudden cry of pain from far behind us - more reinforcements meeting their untimely demise - made me wince but I did not falter nor look away from the well-worn trail before us. "Another one! Dammit! He didn't have to die! Come on, there's still one left! We can save him before it's too late!"

"Do as you're told, Eren," Petra said sternly. "Eyes forward!"

"How can all of you just ignore what's happening back there? Are you telling me to abandon my comrades, is that it?"

"Damn it, yes!" Petra answered. "Stop whining and do as your captains tell you!"

"Why are we letting people die? If this is part of some bigger picture, why can't someone explain it to me?"

Eren still didn't get it. God, why wouldn't he just listen? This was getting harder and harder to bear; he was about half a step away from saying we were just letting them die, that we as Captains weren't doing our job.

"Ask not the reason why," Olou recited to him, "ask but to do and die! You'd understand what that meant if you weren't such a useless greenhorn! Now stifle it, and behave like a soldier!"

"Eren," I finally said, breaking my silence and capturing the attention of our other four soldiers as well. "You passed your training, correct? Weren't you told not to question your commanding officers? We gave you an order, now follow it. That's your job. That is your only concern."

"No, Eren," Petra cried out suddenly. "Stop! You're only permitted to assume Titan form when your life is in extreme peril! That was the agreement; you swore an oath! Eren!"

"I wouldn't blame you," Levi said, his voice cool and calm and smooth. Goodness, I suppose he always was better at keeping it together than I was, but right now, I was thankful for it. His calm guidance and ease of calming others down simply because of his own strength were what they needed, and what I needed.

"Do as your conscience dictates," he continued. "But Eren, listen; you are not inherently evil. Your ability to change doesn't make you a monster. That said, it could be the other way around. How are you supposed to know where to draw the line? Whether you lose control or freely give it up, maybe it's the same."

Levi paused, and I took the chance to take his words in, myself. What he said, of Eren not being inherently evil, brought into question the morality of those who were against us. If people, what reason could they have for killing Hange's Titans and keeping us from researching them? What reason could they have for breaking through Wall Maria, bringing so many people to their doom and ensuring hundreds more starved to death?

Our foes did not kill people directly, they only created the perfect storm that led many to their demise. Did they not want to kill us directly? Did they perhaps know us? The morality of it all was terribly confusing. What could possibly possess someone to do something like that - and now, to tear through our ranks so easily?

I looked over my shoulder, ignoring the gazes of my subordinates who were surely waiting for me to speak, but I did not. I only looked past them and at the Titan who was slowly but surely gaining on us. I instinctually leaned closer to Strider's neck as he galloped on without fail, for whatever good that would do for me.

I knew well the eyes of a murderer. I knew them well, because Levi had them, and so had Farlan. And... so did I. Unintelligent Titans did not; they had a hunger they could not satiate, and they knew not what they were doing. But this Titan... she had them.

"Look, Eren," Levi continued. "We don't agree because our experience brings us to opposing views. That's life. At the end of the day there's no reason to go against how you see it. The choice is yours. You can trust yourself, or you can trust the people willing to put their lives on the line for you."

It was a lesson we had learned well, a lesson made all too clear by what happened through not only our whole lives, but specifically, during our first expedition out. Farlan, Isabel, and I had trusted Levi to kill Erwin; in stark contrast, Levi trusted us to take care of each other.

Levi had not killed Erwin, as he had said. Despite our best efforts, we had not taken care of each other, as we had said.

Blindly following orders was what a good soldier did. But this kid... he was a special case, wasn't he? He was a boy who could turn into a Titan. Our orders really meant nothing; it was up to the soldiers to put stock in our words, or disobey us.

Such was the reality of life. There would always be mutiny, there would always be deserters.

Disobeying meant that if you died, you did while actively ignoring the chain of command - you would die doing as you chose, but you would never know if listening to the orders given would have been better, or if you should have listened to your higher-up.

Conversely, being a good soldier meant that if you died, while it was still your choice, the responsibility fell not on your own shoulders, but that of who gave you the order.

That was what it meant to be a soldier, and what it meant to be a commanding officer.

"I don't know which way is better," Levi went on to say. "I never have. Should I act on my own instincts, or put myself in the hands of my comrades and trust them? Either way, there's no guarantee. In the end, you choose what you choose. If afterwards you regret, you're at a minimum, good for you."

What Levi said seemed to have an effect on everyone. But most importantly, it had worked on Eren. He lowered his hand away from his mouth. Content with this change, I took a deep breath to steady myself.

Another soldier in this wave of reinforcements was killed, and I faced forward once more.

I was proud of my squad, the way that even when I knew they were frightened for their lives, unsure of our decisions, they backed us completely. They knew what was at stake here. They knew that if we weren't telling them the plan, there was probably a damn good reason for it, and they took it into their own hands to urge Eren to do the same.

They also knew that if the time came, they would have to give their lives for this boy, in hopes that he'd make it out alive. That was the mission.

Regardless of whether it was during this expedition or not, regardless of whether we were simply doing daily training or experimenting, their orders were the same as when we first gained custody of Eren: keep a careful eye on him, and remain vigilant in the event he turns without warning and without being instructed to.

They were prepared to protect him, but also to take care of him if he transformed without authorization. He was the priority. Compared to humanity's newest hope... we were expendable.

All at once, we all seemed to be reminded of that.

Clearly still conflicted, Eren looked back at the soldier fighting the Titan. He lifted his hand towards his mouth again, but Petra spoke calmly to him. "Eren," Petra said, "trust us."

All at once, her words seemed to remind us all of a memory recently made.

—

"You ready down there, my dear?" As Hange called down to him, I peered down at him curiously. I hated to say it, but with him looking up at us so hopefully, so happily... even when down in a well, he looked terribly cute. "When we're good to begin, I'll fire off a smoke signal. What happens after that is entirely up to you."

"Ready when you are, section-commander!"

Hange smiled and stood up straight, effectively now out of view of Eren. "If the boy loses control," they said to us, "this well should hold him until he wears himself out. If not, we'll go with Levi's method. Perfect!"

I nodded, then looked back down at him. "Good luck, Eren!"

"Thank you, captain!"

Levi clicked his tongue as we reached our horses. "He shouldn't need luck."

"He shouldn't," I agreed as we mounted up, "but a little bit extra never hurt anybody, now did it?"

"Come on, you two," Hange said, kicking into their mount's sides and riding away from the well. We followed, trotting a considerable distance away from the well before slowing to a stop. I turned my horse so I could face the well and watch the experiment. Strider pawed the dirt with one hoof impatiently and I patted his side, hushing him.

Hange fired the smoke signal. The smoke shot off and arced through the sky. Seconds passed. Those seconds turned into moments, then to minutes. But nothing happened, at least, not at first. We gave the boy a few more minutes, but still... nothing.

"Hm," Hange uttered, and it was less like a hum and more like a frustrated huff by now. "I don't understand it. Perhaps he missed the signal?"

"Perhaps," Levi considered, "or perhaps we're just naïve to expect he can just turn on and off." He kicked into his mare's sides and we followed suit, riding back over. "Eren, enough!" He called out as he dismounted. "We're done for today." Hange and I dismounted too, and we rushed over to look down into the well.

"Did something go wrong down there?" Hange asked, leaning over the wall of the well. They gasped, and I fought not to do so myself, but I absolutely did not like what I saw, either. The boy was a bloody mess. His hands, shirt, mouth... They were all soaked in blood, and he appeared to still be bleeding.

"I'm sorry," he called up to us. "I don't think I can do it now."

"It's alright," I called down to him, shocked that he would even entertain the idea that we would be upset with him, and that he would decide the best course of action to take would be to nearly kill himself for the sake of an experiment. "We should get you cleaned up. Do you need help getting back up here, or can you manage?"

"I can do it," he replied, and while Hange and Levi took a few steps away to discuss something or other, I watched his slow ascent, ready to jump in to help him if necessary. But Eren was right, he could do it, though slowly.

I grabbed his hand as soon as he was close enough, to pull him up the rest of the way. When he was standing on his own two feet, I took his wrists into mine to check the damage to his hands, and at that I allowed myself to gasp. "Eren," I said, "you overdid it." I looked over my shoulder at Hange. "Can you go fetch some bandages for him, please? I have some in Strider's saddlebag."

I took a handkerchief of mine out of my pocket and unhooked my canteen from my belt. I poured water onto the cloth then capped and re-hooked my canteen. After wringing the handkerchief out and then wiping his hands clean of blood gently, I began searching carefully for the source of it all. His bite marks were deep and blood continued stemming from them.

Eren avoided looking at me while I helped him clean up, though he did speak. "I'm alright, really," he said to me. "They'll close on their own."

"You're shaking," I told him gently, keeping my eyes on his wounds. Hange handed me the bandages, then went to speak with Levi once more and continue their conversation. "It takes a lot out of you to transform, right? I'm sure it takes a lot out of you to heal, too, even if you don't realize it. That's what makes it dangerous. Besides, pain is pain, and I don't want to see you so hurt."

"I..." he cut himself off, allowing himself to smile shyly at me. "Thank you, Captain."

I said nothing more as I started bandaging his hands. I couldn't help but feel bad for him; everyone was putting so much pressure on his shoulders. I couldn't help but feel protective of him, for he was still so young. And to have an entire army looking at him, scrutinizing his every move and waiting for him to mess up or save us all...

It couldn't have felt good.

"So, Eren," Levi said now, as he and Hange approached. "Tell us, what exactly-"

"Levi," I said, sending him a look. "Please, not now. It's clear it did not work. Just let him rest for now." I set the soiled handkerchief on the wall of the well for now, intending to wash it later. I then, once more, unclipped my canteen from my belt and handed it to Eren. "Take a drink. I can't imagine you enjoy the taste of blood."

"Thank you," he said quietly, taking it gratefully from me and lifting it to his lips.

"There now," I said after he took a sip. "Feel better?" In answer, he shook his head, disappointed of course in himself for being unable to turn. "There's a lot we don't know about your powers, Eren," I told him softly. "Don't get discouraged. We'll take a break, so just focus on resting for now."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied.

Only a few minutes later, Hange was off somewhere to fetch Moblit who was drafting something or other back at the old castle, our new home for the month, and the Special Operations Squad was settling in at a picnic table... well, except for Levi, who was off to the side, drinking his tea to try and calm himself down with one hand on his hip.

He was upset, there was no doubting that. I was frustrated too. Inconclusive experiment results were... of course, inconclusive, and therefore, a bust. But we both knew it wasn't Eren's fault. If what Eren told us was true, these powers of his were newfound, and so it made sense he didn't know how to control them. It would just take time, which was a luxury that the Survey Corps usually could not afford - but he was trying his best, which was all we could realistically ask him for.

I sat down next to Olou with Eren on his other side. Petra was across from me, with Gunther and Eld next to her, in turn. As lost in my thoughts as I had gotten, I didn't realize I missed the start of their conversation.

"You're telling me the bite wounds on your hands show no sign of healing?" Levi asked Eren, a biting, grating sort of tone to his voice.

"None, sir," Eren answered.

"No offense," Levi continued sternly, "but you're not much good to us in this form. If you can't change, our plans for Wall Maria go up in smoke. Pull it together. And yes, that is an order."

"Levi," I hissed, getting his attention as he turned away from the table. He met my eyes and though I knew the anger wasn't directed at me, he was still being unreasonable. He clicked his tongue and walked away from the table.

"Yes, sir," Eren responded as he knew he had to, personal feelings aside.

I huffed and shook my head, taking a sip of my tea as I did. Petra got up, hurrying to talk to Levi, and Eld looked over at me, looking troubled before blinking it away.

"Come on, don't lose heart, kid," Eld said to Eren.. "You'll get it... Maybe. I don't know."

"Well," Olou piped up, "that's one way to learn you're more human than suspected."

"Look at it this way," Eld went on to say, smiling now. "It's a lot better to find out now than in the field. Back to the drawing board, huh?"

"He's right," Gunther said. "No such thing as being too careful when so much is riding on you."

I smiled at them all in turn. Each word uttered lifted my spirits, bit by bit, and I could only hope the same could be said for Eren. But before looking his way, I looked to Eld. A warm set of eyes met mine, and I smiled at him, thanking him silently for being so observant, so attentive. Of anyone who could be my aide, and such a close friend, I was happy it was him. To see I was upset by Levi's words, and to change the topic of conversation not just for me, but for the boy...

"We all believe in you, Eren," I said, leaning forward to see him around Olou. The boy met my eyes evenly, so much emotion hidden within his own. "You've done it several times now, so we have faith you can do it again. It's just like learning to use the gear. You need practice with it."

Eren looked at the table rather bashfully and reached for his spoon. He picked it up, but the pain in his hands must have been too much because he winced and dropped it accidentally. "Is everything ok?" Eld asked him.

"Yeah," Eren answered.

He reached down to grab the spoon, but... there was a spark, and then an explosion of light and heat. I cried out in surprise as we got blown away by the force of it, table and all. As soon as I was able, I jumped to my feet but I picked about the worst time. A wave of dust and dirt came rushing by, and I covered my eyes with my arms to wait it out. As soon as the dirt, dust, and steam cleared, I blinked a few times to clear my eyes, then lowered my arms.

The sight before me shocked me so readily I went still. Eren was fine, he was alive; he was perched on top of titan flesh, but it was incomplete. It appeared to be just a hand, and he was actively trying to rip himself from it, rather desperately and rather frantically.

I also noticed my subordinates responding to the sight, as ordered to do from the very beginning. This was, of course, an unauthorized attempt to transform, but this wasn't just him losing control, this was accidental. I called out to them, ordering them to stand down. I wasted no more time and put myself between them, just as Levi came over as well.

"Damn it," Eren hissed, clearly in a rising panic. "Why now?"

I did not address him. I faced my four subordinates, holding my hands out towards them - a clear show for them not to come any closer. "Stand down," I ordered them.

"Calm down," Levi said, and my anger flared for a moment. Thinking it was directed at Eren or me, I looked at Levi incredulously.

"I'm sorry, captain," Eren hurried to say. "I... I don't know how I... Huh?"

As it turned out, Levi hadn't been talking to either of us. He put himself between the squad and Eren as well, standing at my side. His words had been directed towards them. "The situation is complicated. Now calm down."

"Eren," Eld said, looking past us at the boy. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Sir, please," Eren started to say.

"No one gave you permission to transform," Eld continued. If not for the situation, I'd be reminded all too well of why I'd appointed him as my second in command. But right now, he was deliberately disobeying me.

Eren did not answer, so Eld pressed the issue: "Did they?"

"I said calm down," Levi said.

"Answer the question, Eren! What's gotten into you?" That was Olou's voice now, and I sucked a breath in, ignoring the intense, searing heat coming from behind me.

"Leave it," Gunther said to his comrade. "Explanations can come later! First things first, you need to persuade us you're not hostile like your life depends on it! Prove it or we kill you! The burden of proof is yours, kid!"

"All of you," I said sternly, "knock it off!"

"You so much as twitch an arm and I'll lob your head off," Olou snarled. "This is the first and only warning you'll receive. I can end you in a heartbeat. Do you understand me, boy?"

"Olou," Levi snapped. "How many times do I have to say it?"

"Captains," Petra said, fighting to keep her voice even and unwavering, "I need you to step away, you're both too close!"

"Right now," Levi said evenly, "I believe you're the ones who need to step away. Do it."

"That's an order," I affirmed.

Petra looked at us incredulously. "Why on Earth-"

"A gut feeling," Levi answered, cutting her off.

"Eren," Eld cut in, "you better say something!"

"I don't-"

"Don't try anything cute," Olou warned.

"Prove you're not hostile," Gunther demanded outright.

"Seriously, I-"

"God damn it, all of you stand down," I hissed. "I won't say it again!"

But my words, and Levi's, were drowned out by those of the squad.

Yes, we had given them the word to take care of him if he lost control, but that did not mean we did not have the power to revoke the order. They were just spurred on by fear and paranoia, that was all.

"Be quiet! All of you, just be quiet!"

Well, that did the trick. I wanted to look up at Eren, but dared not look away from Eld, who was meeting my gaze evenly. He willed me to say something, to just once more assure them that it was alright. But I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and did not speak. I glanced away only briefly to see Hange approaching.

"Eren!"

Hange ran up to us excitedly, babbling on and on about how great of a day it was for science and for research. Normally, I'd share in all their enthusiasm, but I was just focused on making sure I had the situation under control. Eren finally tore his hand from the Titan flesh and fell back, but I reacted quickly enough to catch him before he could tumble to the dirt. I helped ease Eren to his knees, and stepped back, offering him the space to breathe. I crouched beside him, watching his face closely as Levi came to a stop on his other side.

"Sorry, captains," he said when at last he summoned the breath to speak.

"So you feeling ok, or what?" Levi asked.

Through shaky breaths, Eren answered: "Not exactly, no."

"Just breathe," I told him gently. "You'll be alright." I glanced up at Levi, relieved this all was over. I set my hand on Eren's back as he continued to heave in an attempt to catch his breath. As he did, I dropped my head into my other hand, trying to level my own breathing.

—

"That was quite a wake-up call, let me tell you," Eren said, sitting on the steps leading down to the cellar. I chuckled lightly; at least he was able to joke about it, now. Levi was leaning on the adjacent wall, but I was sitting in a chair opposite them both. "Until their blades were drawn, I had no idea how little they trusted me."

"And what did you expect? A suspicious nature was the top of my criteria," Levi said.

"He's not even lying," I said before clearing my throat. "It was the first thing on his list of what to look for when choosing our four. But... it was not at the top of mine," I added. Levi met my playful smile with a brief smirk.

"Traditionally," Levi continued, "you're not considered a real scout until you come back alive, but out there there's always so little intel to go on, so many uncertainties and unknowns, it's a miracle any of us come back alive. You have to be reactive, quick, hit the ground running while anticipating the worst. That doesn't make them heartless, though."

"As a matter of fact," I said, "I find that those who dedicate their hearts for the good of all of humanity, even those who might not appreciate it are the ones with the biggest hearts of all."

"They're not just a bunch of mindless machines," Levi continued. "Whatever that might have looked like out there today, I can promise you every single one of them was conflicted."

"They're good soldiers, but good people first," I told Eren. "We took that into account when we picked them. This is just a unique circumstance, and what happened today was... a rather unique situation, wouldn't you say? They're not quite sure how to handle it, just like we are."

I looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps. "Captains Levi and Amaya," the soldier called. "Section Commander Hange would like a word." Wordlessly, we went back upstairs, Eren in tow, to meet with Hange and the rest of our squad.

"Man," Levi said dryly when we entered the room, "how long of a shit were you taking, anyway?"

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but laugh. So many years had passed, and he still couldn't give up his shit jokes - literally. As always, Hange took it and ran with it, much to my chagrin.

"Oh, long enough to get the job done," Hange said wistfully. "Thank you for asking. Meeting the brass can do a number on your bowels. But enough about that: feast your eyes on this!" With a flourish, they set down a small wrapped bundle. After peeling away the layers of cloth, Hange revealed, rather climatically... a spoon.

Ah. So not climatically.

"Don't tell me that's the spoon you used to pick up and inspect your... movement," I said, bringing back the poop joke. Hm. Perhaps I was no better than they were.

Hange shook her head. "Nope, I keep that one separate, I assure you."

"That's the spoon, right?" Eren asked, and no sooner did he say it did I realize it was the spoon from this afternoon that he had dropped.

"The very one," Hange affirmed, a proud smile on their face. "Your spontaneous Titan arm erupted into being while holding it, like so: resting between the thumb and the index finger. The world operates on chance, so coincidences are expected, but this begs something more. This utensil wasn't warped by the heat or by the pressure. Any thoughts on the matter?"

"All I know is that I went to pick it up," Eren answered. "When I did, the arm came out of nowhere."

"Any Titan, even a smaller class, could easily bend a thin metal spoon," I mused, taking Hange's prompt and turning the facts over and over in my head. I was starting to piece things together, potentially coming to the same conclusion they so clearly had. "Perhaps the arm had been conscious of its intent, or its goal, however that is possible, so it wouldn't destroy it."

"That's exactly what I was thinking," Hange said, looking at me with a smile. "This might explain why you couldn't change in the well, I'm certain of it."

With each word, Hange became more visibly excited by the prospect of following such a train of thought - they were close to a real conclusion, I could feel it.

"Slaying Titans; blocking cannon fire; lifting big rocks," Hange listed, continuing to speak. "In each instance, before assuming Titan form seemingly at will, there was a distinct goal in mind. I believe it's possible that self-harm isn't the only catalyst of transformation. It appears as though a clear objective is a crucial ingredient as well."

"I think you might be onto something," Eren said. "This last time was a lot like the time with the cannonball. But I transformed into a Titan just to pick up a damn spoon? That's insane."

"It does seem like a roundabout way to go about it," I said, smiling at Eren. "More effort than it's worth, really."

"So, uh," Gunther began hesitantly, "what I'm getting out of this is what you pulled wasn't something you did on purpose."

"No, sir," Eren replied.

Gunther took a deep breath in and let it out through a sigh. He looked at Eld, and the two nodded, coming to a mutual conclusion. Hell, even Petra and Olou looked at each other and with nothing more than a nod, a silent understanding seemed to pass between them. I looked at them all in turn curiously. What were they playing at, now?

They looked down at their hands, as if inspecting something they had never seen before. Then, one by one, they bit down into the flesh just above their thumbs. I almost laughed at the spectacle before me, but took a look down at my own hand. It was scarred in places from injuries long healed, bruised in others from intense training... but it was whole, and distinctly void of bite marks.

So, I did what any reasonable woman would do. I bit down into my hand hard, trying to exert the same force it would take Eren to draw blood.

"Ow," Gunther exclaimed.

"Ok," Eld said after releasing his hand, "that hurts like a son of a bitch. Damn, kid. I'm impressed you can sink your teeth in that deep without shrieking."

"We made a judgment call today and it was wrong," Gunther said. "Consider this our way of apologizing. That is, if you can find it in your heart to forgive us."

Eren looked taken aback, and he looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't think of the words to say. In the meantime, I adjusted my hand between my teeth, angling it just so. Now, my the pointed ends of my canine teeth dug into my skin, and with a bit more pressure, I just might-

"We have to make spur of the moment decisions, ok? Make the best call we can with what we know," Olou said. "It's our job to keep you in check!"

"The fact is," Petra said, "we were scared. That's no excuse, I know. You have every right to be upset. But all that aside, we are doomed if we can't trust one another, just as you are if you can't trust us. Eren, I'm asking you to trust us."

As touching of a moment as it was, I did not react to it. I applied even more pressure to my hand, and finally broke the skin, drawing blood. Despite the taste of blood causing my nose to crinkle in disgust, I raised my other hand into the air and cheered, disrupting the moment.

It wasn't much, not nearly enough to leave me as bloody as Eren, but I had done it. "You idiot," Levi said, taking out his handkerchief and stepping close to me. "These morons did it to apologize. What the hell do you have to apologize for?"

"Nothing," I said happily as he took my wrist in one hand and began applying pressure to the small wound with the handkerchief in his other hand. "I just wanted to be part of this! It was a sweet moment!"

"You're something else, captain," Eld said with a fond smile directed my way.

Eren couldn't help but laugh, starting a chain reaction in the room as the others laughed at my expense. I couldn't find it in my heart to tell them off, especially as Levi shook his head in disbelief at what was happening around him. I smiled at him and he let go of my wrist. In typical Levi fashion, he clicked his tongue before flicking my temple with his free hand.

"You're a moron," he muttered, though it was not without affection. Neither were his eyes; glancing into them now, I could see so clearly a whole hell of a lot of love and care - not just for me, but for everyone in this room.

—

The Titan was gaining on us. With every stride, it seemed to get closer and closer no matter how quickly we urged the horses to go. Eren had lifted his hand towards his mouth again, still considering turning into his own.

I looked far ahead of us where I knew there to be, eventually, a small clearing where the traps were set up. We were close, so close...

His indecision may ruin us.

"Eren," Levi shouted. "Come on, make up your damn mind!"

"It's a simple question," I added, "so give us an answer! Sooner rather than later, kid!"

At once, he decided: "I'm with you!"

I let out a relieved breath, but did not allow myself to relax. There was a Titan on our tail, a trap set before us, and horses straining themselves to keep up their heightened pace. And as sure as I knew my own name, I knew that the hard work... was only just beginning.