After sparring for a while longer, I decided to excuse myself. Of course, since it wasn't a formal session, it was more talking than sparring, and it was more chatting than training, and more bonding with comrades than it was preparing for a fight, but we got a few good rounds of bouts in before I decided to turn in and leave them to their business.

As I neared the castle, I watched as far in the distance, Olou did his laps diligently. He was a strange one, and certainly needed to be a bit more tact when it came to... damn well everything, and he definitely had to learn to be more careful with his words, but he was a talented soldier where it counted.

Still, to go so far as to say that I use my womanly ways on Levi... Hell, Levi never knows how to react to my damn womanly ways when I use them. I could use them all I wanted, it'd only fluster him. He was getting better, sure, but I think he was still getting used to this whole thing, to being together in an intimate way.

For someone to be dedicated to him... I think the idea overwhelmed him quite a bit, even now.

As soon as I entered the building, I headed towards the stairwells and took the steps two at a time. Normally I wouldn't have expended such energy, but I was eager to get back to my office, truthfully. To be able to relax and unwind would be lovely, and I think my tub might have been calling my name... And if I left the bathroom door open, I could keep the windows in the bedroom open and allow a nice breeze sweep through...

On the topmost floor as they were, the offices were always quiet, the halls connecting them never daring to echo sounds back and forth, which I was grateful for. I was especially grateful to not have to live in the crowded barracks anymore. That by itself made all the extra burdens of being a commanding officer worth it. It was likely the same for Levi, for he so hated crowded living spaces and of course, the noise and mess that came with them.

And speaking of him, I went to his office to check on him. It was a rare thing for him to be in his office instead of my own, but on occasion, he did want some space. I didn't blame him; I felt the same, sometimes. Everyone needed some privacy. But... he always liked the quiet comfort of working beside me, so if he would have me, I would gladly join him.

That is... if he was awake, yet. I don't know why I assumed he was still asleep, but I did, and because of this, I opened the door slowly. I stepped inside quietly, yet ducked back behind the door when I realized he was just now waking up.

I watched noiselessly as he sat up straight, stretching his arms above his head. He looked confused then, once he opened his eyes, as though he had fallen asleep without realizing it - which was likely the case. He looked around, and his confusion only heightened when he felt the blanket I'd draped over his shoulder slide down his back. He grabbed one corner in hand and dragged it into his lap, the pinch in his brow deepening.

Then his eyes found the teapot.

It was no longer steaming, and the pot was more than likely cold by now, but he did not seem to mind, for his eyes softened and he shook his head fondly and poured himself a cup. When he lifted it to his lips, he took a small sip, but that's when I stepped in, knocking to make my presence known.

When his eyes met mine, I smiled, and I closed the door behind me. "Good morning, handsome," I said playfully. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

He wasn't surprised by my presence, and I'm sure most of that was due to the fact that all the pieces worked together to let it be known that I had been the one to stop in and leave these things behind. Besides, who else would have the audacity to just walk into his office?

"No," he answered, leveling me an even look now. "Were you just waiting in the doorway for me to wake up?"

"No, actually," I said, chuckling at the implications of that. "No, I stopped in earlier to do some work but when I saw you were napping, I didn't have the heart to wake you. So I did some sparring with the squad."

"I can tell," he said, his eyes roving across my body pointedly. I crossed my arms over my chest and set my weight to one side, sending him my own pointed look. When he looked back into my eyes and saw one of my eyebrows arch upwards as though to ask why he had the audacity to do such a thing, he smirked. "You're filthy."

"And is that a hint to head down to the showers? That trick will only work on me so many times."

He clicked his tongue, embarrassed now. "It's worked on you so far, hasn't it?"

"Only because I've allowed it to," I told him, my gaze growing sly. "Still, it's been a dry summer. It's all dusty out there on the training grounds, that's all."

Levi stood, likely wanting to stretch his legs. I joined him when he came to a stop by the window, and we looked out at the grounds together. "I see Olou got into some trouble. He's not one to run laps for fun."

"He's not," I agreed with a nod, watching the soldier run and tend dutifully to his punishment. "He decided it would be funny to make up a story about me."

"A story?" At my words he glanced at me, then shook his head with disbelief and looked back out the window, likely wanting to ask outright but deciding it wasn't important, because it wouldn't have been true, and besides, the content wouldn't matter - only the fact Olou was talking about me would matter to him. "You put him in his place, I'm sure."

"Of course," I confirmed. "I humbled him a bit, then assigned him those laps."

"Mm-hm. How many?"

"Thirty."

"Strange," he considered. "That's less than usual."

"Well, despite being disrespectful, the story itself made me laugh," I replied with a shrug. "He meant no disrespect, at any rate."

"Was it a funny story on purpose?"

"No," I said after thinking it over. "I don't think so. At least, not the part I found funny. He's a strange one."

"That's for damn sure."

"He wants to be like you, you know. He copies your mannerisms and things like that."

"And that's strange?"

"Ooh, someone's awfully cocky today, aren't we?" I asked teasingly. "You don't believe me, do you? He wears a cravat now and when you're not looking, he tries to copy your body language. I think he's doing it to impress Petra. I think it's kinda cute, but... it's really weird, too. I don't think he knows that women are more drawn to, you know... honesty."

"Whether or not it works out is up to him," Levi mused. "As for being cocky... I managed to get you. I must be doing something right."

I lowered my head, shaking my head with disbelief at his words. Goodness, he was too cute. I lifted my gaze and found that he was looking stubbornly away, doing what he could to avoid looking right at me. Knowing it took a lot out of him to say anything that bold or overly sweet, I decided not to tease him too much about it.

"You must be," I said softly, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. "Do you want me to go make some fresh tea?"

He glanced over his shoulder, still avoiding my eyes, towards the desk and the teapot still set atop it. "Please. I'll run a bath for you while you do."

I smiled warmly at him. "How did you know that was exactly what I wanted to do this evening?"

"You must think I don't pay attention to you at all, Amaya."

"It's not that," I said earnestly. "It's just that you read my mind. But after my bath, maybe we can head up to the roof? I'm sure it'll be a pretty night."

"Whatever you want, brat," he conceded.

"If you truly mean whatever I want," I said, and at last he allowed his full attention to focus on me, "then you're going to get a good night of rest, tonight."

"I thought you wanted to go to the roof?"

"I do," I affirmed. "And we still should do that. But you haven't been sleeping at all, have you? Aside from your nap, that is." My voice grew stern when next I spoke, though no less loving and concerned. "Levi, you've seemed really worn-down lately. I care for you and your health and you can't possibly perform at your best if you're exhausted all the time. I know that up until now, it's been easy for you to perform at a high caliber on what little sleep you had, but I worry about you. Even if it's just taking naps more often like this afternoon, you need to sleep more."

"It's not that easy," he said. "You know that."

"I do." I walked to his desk, where upon standing up he'd left the blanket. I took it in hand, folded it, then set it across my forearms, turning back to face him. "But napping for even an hour each day... How about after we clean up from training? We can head to bed for a bit, then be back up in time to do paperwork before dinner."

"Your naps always tend to run a bit longer than that," he said, skepticism lacing his tone.

"Then wake me up," I suggested, shrugging and walking towards the couch. I set the blanket just where I had found it, and smoothed it out as I gathered my thoughts, though all thoughts left my head as I heard him approach. He came to a stop just beside me and I stood up straight, turning my head to meet his gaze. "I just worry about you. I don't want something to happen to you or risk that chance because you're exhausted, more than you should be."

"I feel like we've had this talk before."

"And I'm still worried about you," I said, making it clear that nothing had changed. "I'm grateful you spend your nights in bed with me. I am. But if you're still not getting the rest you need..." I sighed. "Levi, I love you too much to see your health decline over something so simple, not if I can do something to help you. I think napping, or trying to, can help, if you just give it a shot."

"Is this your personal recommendation, Captain?"

I couldn't help but smile at his words, at his attempt to lift the mood even slightly. "No," I said easily. "It's an order."

"And... what does the woman I love say about it?"

"As the woman you love," I spoke slowly and earnestly, considering my words closely before speaking them, "I can't order you to do a damn thing. But I also must say that you mean far too much to me for me to allow you to keep doing this to yourself."

"Say I don't follow this order," he said quietly. "What will happen?"

"You'll need to be reminded of your place," I said softly, though no less stern than my voice ever was when addressing any of my subordinates.

"Like Olou?"

"Maybe," I all but purred, leaning in close to him. Here was my chance to turn this around and fluster him once more, and this time, I wouldn't just let it go: I would hold onto it, and I would make full use of it. "If it's punishment you deserve, it's punishment you'll get. And running laps... among other... methods, it'll be a good way for me to observe your stamina."

He swallowed hard, and I laughed lightly. I pushed him away with a hand to his chest, and turned on my heel. 

"I'm off to make tea," I called over my shoulder. "See if you can't cool off by the time I get back, love!"

It was a simple thing, it was. But slowly but surely, things were changing, shifting, adhering to the ebb and flow of time and growth.

Over the next several months, I would all but take for granted the lazy afternoons lying in his arms for a nap, and lying with my head in his lap at night as he worked or read silently. I would all but take for granted the precious time we had to slowly learn what it meant to love another freely, and see all the little ways in which he showed that he cared. 

I would all but take for granted the quiet moments in his office where we would work together, occasionally with our aides with us, working diligently. I would all but take for granted the hugs, warm and secure, and the kisses, sweet and passionate.

I hadn't realized at the time how precious these things were... not until the turn of the year in which the fate of humanity was drastically altered once more.

—

Year 850:

I was sitting on Hange's workbench, my legs swinging back and forth rhythmically. I was leaning back against my hands, watching on as Hange, seated on their chair, worked right next to me. This close, I was able to watch their subtle movements as they worked with their latest series of experiments: the valve that had broken on my old set of gear. 

Since that tumble I'd had, I'd long since gotten a new set, one that worked perfectly.

Ha, just kidding. We didn't have the budget for that.

I'm still using the gear I stole from Reyes all that time ago. But now, it was a hodge-podge of old and new parts fashioned together. The whole mechanism that contained the gas and expelled it had been replaced, but the gear boxes, the wires, and the pieces that held them all together were all the same.

Because I didn't need it anymore, and it was too dangerous to conduct experiments on it while it was still on my working set of gear, I had let Hange take the busted mechanisms way back when they'd been replaced, but only just now did they find the time to tinker with it.

I was in here to... observe? No, not quite. Our soldiers and their own had been training together today, and as we left the grounds, we got to talking. Ever since our arrival here, Hange had always been kind to me, and we had grown close quickly. So, when Levi didn't want my company, I knew someone who always would: Hange, my best friend.

"Have you gotten approval for your Titan operation yet?"

"Which one? The one to capture some, or the one to rend one from its flesh and try to grow one myself?"

"Um..." I shook my head, trying to rationalize even just the thought of the latter idea in my mind. "Wow. No. Um... The capture one. Definitely just the capture one."

"Not yet," Hange said, leaning in closer to inspect the mechanism more closely and prodding it with a sharpened tool.

"You have my support, and by extension, Levi's as well," I said. "I thought it was a pretty fool-proof plan, myself. What's making Erwin hesitate to pull the trigger on it?"

"I think it might have something to do with the fact that there would have to be pretty constant supervision on it," Hange said, looking up at me. They sat back in her chair, pulling their glasses up to sit atop their head. "We can't spare that kind of manpower right now, unfortunately."

Hange let their hands hang loosely on either side of them, their fists clenching and unclenching to relax from the meticulous work they'd been doing. "Erwin knows the value of researching Titans," I said surely. "There's so much to learn and so much we don't know. Hell, what Ilse found made that clear."

Hange's eyes slid over to her desk, and mine followed. Set atop a folder of documents was the journal Ilse had documented everything in. I'd read it myself, and what she found... Hange kept it for research purposes, in case what we learned in the future might support what Ilse said. I still found it hard to believe, to be honest. A talking Titan... maybe I'd chance upon one myself, one day.

Maybe I would have already. Maybe I killed them too fast.

Hm.

Moblit entered the room then, and both of us turned to look at him. "I got the supplies you requested, Section Commander." Sure enough, strapped to his back was a pack that clanked metallically with each movement he made.

"Thank you," Hange replied, rising to their feet as Moblit closed the door behind him and set his things on a different table. Before starting to unpack it all - though Hange got right to it - Moblit turned to me.

"Captain," he greeted politely. "The Section Commander hasn't been working you too hard, correct? Please, be honest with me."

"Not at all," I assured him. "We were just chatting. No research work for me, today." I slid off the bench and headed towards the door. "I'll stop being a distraction, though. Let me know what you find out about that part, Hange."

"Will do," Hange said, smiling and waving to me. I returned the gesture, wishing the pair farewell for now.

When I was standing in the hallway, I hesitated to return to my office because that would be boring. What was I to do? I had completed all the paperwork I needed to do for today, and Eld was reviewing what I had started for tomorrow's work, so... until he was done, there wasn't much for me to do.

I couldn't very well visit Levi right now, because he was in a particularly grumpy mood. So... ah, that's a good option.

I went to Erwin's office. I knocked a particular pattern, and as the sound resounded down the hallway, leaving me in the silence, I heard Erwin call through the door. "Come on in, Amaya."

I did, stepping through the door quietly and closing it behind me. "Hello, Erwin," I said, crossing the space quickly to reach the chairs set before his desk. I dropped down into one, and Erwin watched me with a pointed, very deliberate look. He knew I wasn't here to work. But judging by the way he had put his pen down and set his own paperwork to the side, it seemed as though he anticipated as much.

"Hello, Amaya," he echoed. "Did you grow tired of Hange's research?"

"No, not really," I answered, getting comfortable in the seat I claimed for my own. "Just felt they wanted to get some work done and all we were doing was chatting, so I decided to leave them to it."

"I see," he considered. "Was Hange working on the component you removed from your gear?"

I nodded. "Hange's got all of the broken parts, yes."

"Speak truthfully," Erwin said, resting his forearms on the desk. "Does your gear function properly now? I know you're one to just work through something if you feel it'll be a burden to fix or address, but I want the truth."

I smiled. "You see right through me, don't you? You're lucky I don't need to downplay it, today. It works incredibly well."

"Good," he said. "We can't have it malfunctioning in the field."

He paused then, and the silence grew thick. I could feel he wanted to say something, and yet... it wasn't that he was hesitating. I think it was more so that he had so much to say, or perhaps he was figuring how best to say it. I couldn't tell, but because I wasn't quite in his head, and so I stayed quiet.

The silence stretched on and on, and it would have been awkward if it wasn't us here. If it was with someone I didn't feel comfortable with, it would have been awkward as hell. But whatever Erwin had to say, it was likely important, and so I waited.

His eyes were trained on the far wall, and at long last, he seemed to decide he was ready to speak. "It's been nearly five years to the day since Wall Maria was lost."

I was taken aback by that. "Has it really...? It's been that long already?"

"It has. Tumultuous though it was, we were busy, and time has passed quickly."

Erwin stood, gesturing with little more than a movement of his head for me to follow. I stood without a word, rounding his desk to follow him to the window. The windows of Erwin's office were large, offering a grand view of the training grounds and forest beyond. I could see the wind had picked up considerably, and the flags set before the training grounds were nearly being torn from their posts.

"Five years," I repeated once more. "Goddesses..."

"In that time, we have not seen hide nor hair of those two Titans that attacked the wall. We know nothing, save for that they appeared and disappeared suddenly and without warning."

"And," I cut in, "they seemed to have a purpose in mind."

"That's right," Erwin agreed. He linked his fingers behind his back, keeping his eyes on the landscape outside the window. From here, we couldn't see the walls, just fields and forest as far as the eye could see. It was all too easy to imagine there were no walls at all. "Five years, and they have not returned. Say they are as intelligent as they seem. They attacked the gates specifically, whereas regular Titans are so mindless they cannot tell the difference. Yet they have not returned."

"Really makes you wonder about their intentions," I mused. Then my words set in, and I shook my head. "I hate this. It's hard enough figuring out people's intentions. I got incredibly good at it in my line of work underground, but I didn't think I'd have to use it here, and I certainly never thought I'd have to do this for Titans of all things."

"Maybe we don't have to," he said, looking down at me. "It could, of course, only be a coincidence."

I scoffed, and Erwin had to chuckle at that. "There's no way you believe that."

"You're right," he affirmed. "It seems you see through me, as well."

"It's not just that," I told him. "You've made it clear that this dream of yours... it goes beyond what I thought it was."

"What did you think it was?"

"It's been a while since we talked about it, and I don't remember if you gave me specifics, and honestly, more than a lot of it went over my head, so I just had to make a guess, and I figured it was just to figure out where Titans come from and why they eat us. But it's more than that, isn't it?"

"I perhaps never told you the whole truth," he said slowly, yet not unkindly, "because you once wanted to kill me. Yet you've proven yourself now not just as a soldier and comrade, but a friend as well."

I smiled in a mischievous way. "And it only took me five years."

He sent me a look that told me to knock it off, and I let out a breath of a laugh through my nose. "I was wondering how best to tell you. I haven't told you about my father, have I?"

"No, you haven't."

"He was a teacher. For a time, I was his student. I was always a curious child, it was in my nature. Having a teacher as a parent, it was all too easy to ask question after question. I suppose it's why I am the way I am now. Instead of merely asking questions, I go out to try to answer them, to scout and find the truth myself. But as a child, all I could do was ask questions. But my father died."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said earnestly to him. "I lost my father, too. I know I've told that story before."

"You have," he replied. "You understand what it's like for a child - or for anyone - to deal with loss so suddenly, and to not know outright the reason why." I nodded, for I understood it incredibly well. "There was no formal schooling underground, was there?"

"No," I answered, shaking my head. "El, my father, taught me what he could, like how to read and write and basic math. We also took some time to talk about history, and the most incredibly basic geography of the surface, but that's all. Just things anyone would need to know, I suppose."

"History books tell that a century ago, humanity retreated behind these walls, built them to protect themselves from Titans. Yet there are no records or blueprints."

"So if the walls get damaged further than their gates, we're screwed?"

"Precisely."

"Good," I muttered sarcastically, looking back out the window. I slid my hands into my back pockets, and let out a sigh. "That's wonderful."

"So much of our history is clouded in mystery. Even if it's written in a book, how do we know it's true? Anything can be published."

I looked up at him at that, hearing something hidden beneath his words. "You mean more than just the walls." He nodded in answer. "What is it?"

"The books all say the last of humanity retreated behind these walls," he said. "I do not believe this to be the case. But for now... a question. Tell me: why do you fight?"

"For a long time," I said, piecing it together as I spoke, "I fought for survival only. It's just how it was underground. It wasn't just as simple as actually fighting, but I worked hard for my family. Once, I fought to help my father care for me, after so kindly taking me in. Then, I fought to provide a good life for my younger brother. After they died, I began fighting for myself, to keep myself alive, and when I met Levi, Isabel, and Farlan, I fought for them, to keep them safe."

"That's who you fight for," he said. "But why do you fight?"

"To keep them safe," I repeated, suddenly very confused. I mulled it over for a moment. "I never really thought about it before."

"When you were bleeding out after being crushed by that Titan," he prompted, referring to my first expedition, "why did you hold on?"

"I held on because I couldn't leave Levi alone," I said without thinking.

"Why couldn't you leave him alone?"

My eyebrows furrowed. "I..." I trailed off, unsure of what to say next.

"It's just something to think about," he said kindly, smiling now. "It seems to me that you fight for love. You fought to protect your family, whoever that might have been at the time. It's not as simple as just wanting others to be happy, to be safe. I feel love is a driving force for you, while I fight to eventually achieve my dream."

"Love," I repeated. "I... I think you might be right. El didn't have to take me in, and he certainly didn't have to care for me so kindly. It was love. Growing up that way..." I nodded. "I think you're right. But you know, you need to stop making me question things." I smiled widely, crossing my arms over my chest. "I can't keep up with you."

He chuckled once more. "I apologize. I just wonder why others fight. To each individual, their reason for fighting is right. It's what motivates them, sometimes enough to do unspeakable things. In my case... how many people have died in my name? How many good men and women have sacrificed themselves for this cause - for the good of all humanity, for the future of us all, for our eventual freedom?"

"To die for a future you'll never see," I mused. "All of us here are prepared to do so. But to ask why we are so willing to do it... The reasons are as varied as the people are. And we do tend to pick up the weird ones, don't we?"

"That we do," he agreed. "How strong someone's will to fight is directly proportional to how strongly they believe in what they're fighting for. You may fight for love, and you've got this big heart... It checks out."

"Oh, please," I muttered, now more than a bit embarrassed. "Keep talking like that, you'll make me sound like nothing but a sap. My reputation will be ruined."

"Is that right," mused quietly, fighting to keep hidden the true extent of his smile. "Your reputation is based solely on you being a sap, Amaya. Going around checking in on everyone, bringing them bouquets for their birthday, offering advice and help whenever it is asked for, and even if it is not... And even if they're not in your own squad."

"Is it not my responsibility as a captain to ensure the entire regiment is as prepared as possible? In my eyes, as a commanding officer, my responsibilities extend far beyond just paperwork and looking after my four subordinates. If I can help everyone, then I will."

"And bringing them flowers on their birthday is better preparing them for a fight?"

"Well, no," I admitted. "But..."

"Your father," Erwin said slowly. "Did he bring you flowers on your birthday?"

"Whenever he could send for them, he did," I told him, smiling at the memory. "Just a few, and they never lasted long, anyway. He'd ask the delivery folks to pick a few on their way down with the carts."

"I see. Perhaps that explains it." He glanced at the grandfather clock set against one wall. "And perhaps I've kept you here for too long. You don't suppose Levi's snapped out of his mood?"

"I doubt it," I said, "but enough time has passed so that it might be safe for me to stop in and check on him. Why? Getting tired of me already, commander?"

"Not at all," he admitted, smiling warmly down at me. "You may stay as long as you like; you know I enjoy your company. But I do have work to get done."

"Oh, alright," I said with a dramatic sigh. "I'll leave you to it." I turned and headed to the door, looking over my shoulder to smile at him once more. "Thanks for the talk. I hope that one day, you achieve your dream."

Erwin's smile remained as he lowered himself into his chair. "If all goes well, you'll be there with me when it does. And with your help... I've a good feeling it will come true."

I shook my head, laughing lightly. "Now who sounds like a sap?" I opened the door. "See you around, commander."

—

Days Later:

"Come on," I drawled out, emphasizing a sense of boredom, "fight like you mean it!" My words were directed at Eld, who seemed to be... not quite playing it safe, but he was pulling his punches that was incredibly clear.

Right now, Eld and Petra were sparring. And right now... Petra was kicking Eld's ass.

"Are you tired today, Eld? Wake up!"

Eld huffed, but seemed to heed my words if the way he fought with renewed vigor was any indication. He used his bigger size to overwhelm Petra, or at least he was trying to, but she was agile and she knew it. The two of them went at it with increased speed and enthusiasm, now. I grinned and watched the bout.

They were both working for it now, and when they put so much of themselves into it... I always took great enjoyment from watching the squad spar. But when they were giving it their all, like this? It was so much better, and it was more telling of their skill - which was why they were in the squad in the first place.

Hell, they seemed to have fun with it, too.

I laughed alongside Olou and Gunther, who were on either side of me. Petra managed to get Eld in a nasty looking neck hold, and Eld was trying futilely to pry her off. That wasn't what was funny, though; it was the war cry coming from Petra. I grinned, knowing she was giving this everything she had and then some. She had told me before that even during their training days, she had never been able to get the upper hand on Eld.

But if she could secure this win, her losing streak would be at an end.

I watched proudly as Eld wisely chose to tap out before he passed out, and Petra beamed as she let go of him. They shook hands and Petra looked over at me expectantly, more than likely anticipating praise, which I was more than happy to give. She'd done a good job, she deserved it. They both did.

"Great job, both of you," I said. "Petra, you impress me more and more every day. All of you have been improving, it's obvious to everyone. Levi and I are proud of you, and happy with the progress you've been making. For now, keep sparring if you like, I'm done for the day. You all are dismissed when you decide to turn in."

They saluted me, and I took my leave. I could hear them chattering excitedly to each other as I walked away, Petra's voice above all as she proudly talked to Gunther about what just happened, as though he hadn't been here to see it.

Honestly, I didn't feel like doing any more work today. Levi and I had started the day running drills alongside our squad this morning, and went a few rounds sparring with them. They had gotten bored of that, so during a break, they asked to see us spar each other. "Just a friendly bout between our co-captains," they had said.

Levi and I had looked at each other and we really didn't need much more convincing than that. Hell, we hadn't even needed that much.

Admittedly, it had been a while since we had sparred. It was probably within our first few weeks of being in the Scouts that we had done it last. Farlan had had the idea, since we had everyone's attention anyway. He figured if they saw us fight, they might back off and stop staring.

...It hadn't worked, but we had certainly commanded their attention.

We had gone a few rounds, going best of five. We each had two, and were forced to go the last round, which he had ultimately won. I remembered the cheering from the Olou and Petra, for our subordinates had taken sides and assuredly bets too. Gunther and Eld had demanded another round, and though I appreciated their faith in me, I decided against pressing the issue and let Levi have the win. He earned it, after all.

Levi had helped me up and I promised them that we'd go again at a later date. They had grinned at that, but the smiles faded when Levi told their lazy asses to get back to work. I had been proud of myself, for making Levi work up a sweat.

So, it'd been an interesting day of training. We continued with the daily training, then broke at midday for lunch. After that we assigned maintenance for the squad while Levi and I did paperwork. I had finished the reports I needed to, and so now had extra time to spar with them in one of the training rooms. And now... I suppose I could get ahead on work, or simply relax.

While I tried to figure it out, I collapsed in a heap in my desk chair. I stretched my arms above my head and let out a low groan at the satisfying pops I heard. I relaxed and looked around the small space.

Well, that did it. I was bored again.

My eyes soon found my desk drawer, where tucked away inside... I pulled the drawer open, taking out the few contents that were inside: Caden's journal and El's patch, the only keepsakes I had of them.

I hadn't read through Caden's journal in a long while, but I found that as time went on, it became harder and harder to. Not to say it had anything to do with his chicken scratch, but I missed him so much, that was all. To read about how happy he was to be with us, to be an Ikeda... Something about it just made my heart ache terribly.

I set the journal back inside and held the patch in one hand, lifting it up towards my eyes so I could see its delicate details

I wondered what El would say to me, if he knew what I was up to.

Would he be proud that I had found a new family, and was now enlisted in the military? Would he call me a fool for devoting myself to the scouts? Would he be disappointed in the way I had carried myself after his death, closing myself off and turning to a life of crime? Would he laugh and call me a cheater for having joined the military without having gone through the years of training?

I couldn't help the smile that appeared on my face. He would, I knew he would. There was no doubting that.

My thoughts shifted now to just how differently my life would have gone if he was still alive, and even if Caden was. But that was a dark path for my mind to go down. I didn't want to imagine my life now without Levi. I missed Caden and El terribly, just as I now missed Farlan and Isabel.

But it'd all be worth it in the end, wouldn't it? All the loss, all the fighting...

This fight against Titans wasn't for nothing. If ever I wanted to be able to live in peace, free from these walls, never to go underground again or fear being trapped, and to help others from that fate... All I can do is fight.

How fitting it was, then, that I was now in the Survey Corps. I devoted myself to this cause entirely. I would continue to do so, until I no longer could. To fight for freedom, and to be seen as a symbol for that freedom... I would make it mean something. I would.

Still... I stood from my desk. I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts anymore. I placed my keepsakes back in the desk. Perhaps some tea would do me some good, and if I made a pot... I might as well go see Levi, right?

And I did. I greeted him with a pot of tea and a kiss to his temple and he responded simply, yet with the true extent of his feelings peeking through. For the rest of the evening, all we did was chat quietly in bed before at long last, I fell asleep in his arms.

The normalcy we'd fallen into was not to last. Of course it wasn't.

If anything was constant in this life, it was its inconsistency. It was life's willingness to flip everything up on its head.

It did just that, only weeks later, just at the turn of winter into spring.

—

It seemed that whenever we went on an expedition, it was never a matter of if things would go wrong, but how badly they would. Because they would always take a turn for the worse.

Pushing forth into Wall Maria was all we had been doing for the past five years, and each time provided a new experience. No matter how many Titans we killed, by the time we came back for another expedition, more would have swarmed in. It wasn't that it rendered our work useless, of course it didn't. It just provided the illusion that it was all for naught. For each Titan we killed today, by the next time we came back, they would seem to have multiplied.

At the very least, the fighting here was predictable. It was less about making elaborate plans, but rather we utilized an alternate form of the long-range scouting formation Erwin crafted. With the help of all his commanding officers, and by gradually tweaking it with each expedition, we settled into a system that worked. Our job with the Special Operations Squad was always to focus on the purging of Titans from special locations that we were fortifying to become checkpoints.

Wall Maria's lands were vast, and while on occasion we fought in the open fields and across vast farmlands, more often than not we would head for a village. There were plenty along Wall Rose by the gate leading into Trost District, and it was to these villages that the Titans seemed to congregate the most. As such, it was to these villages that we went.

Old barns on the outskirts of these villages became places to refuel and places to allow the horses to rest. Old silos became points to scout from, to be on the watch for incoming Titans while the soldiers within the barns rested. Within the villages, we would fight on, clearing the cobbled roads of the beasts.

With each expedition out - with this being the Survey Corps' 56th of all time - the soldiers got better at fighting Titans. The soldiers we had were good at what they did, that was for damn sure. For once, it didn't feel like we were sending soldiers to their deaths by ordering them to fight a Titan. Rather, it was only a chance for them to get better, stronger, faster, to hone their instincts.

Among a few of us, it became something of a game, a challenge. Hange and I would keep track of how many Titans we killed, and compare at the end of each day. There was no prize, and there was no point to it, we just enjoyed it.

Erwin might have scolded once or ten times about taking it more seriously, and so did Levi (though without the diplomatic language Erwin would speak to us with), but we still did it. We needed something to occupy our minds other than just killing monsters, right?

At least Mike seemed to find it funny, or at least entertaining to watch, though whether it was us getting scolded or our little competition, I couldn't be too sure.

The village we were in now was large, and we'd been working all morning to clear it of Titans. This morning there'd been no end to them, or so it had seemed. But now, victory - even one this small - was in sight.

But of course, it wasn't without its casualties, its tragedy, its mistakes.

A strangled cry reached my ears, and I stood up straight, immediately finding the source of the sound. Levi landed just beside me on the roof I'd landed on after killing another Titan, and I didn't have to glance at him to know what the plan was.

It must have been incredibly interesting, and certainly beautiful, to watch Levi and I work together. That's what I thought, anyway, what with our movements all but choreographed.

An onlooker might think that was the case, but the truth of the matter was that we knew how each other worked and it didn't take much adjustment from either of us to fit with the other. It was actually a very easy thing to work with him, and he expressed that my style of fighting was not far from his own on more than one occasion.

As such, our movements were always in sync. While I flew faster than him, our cadence was yet unmatched compared to the rest of the regiment. Our rhythms - even if his speed was not always matching my own - were always perfectly in unison. I would use the extra speed I had to swoop in and debilitate a Titan, render its arms useless with one slice through the tendons in one forearm and then the next, or otherwise clear the way for Levi to swing in and deliver the finishing blow.

While more than capable of killing a Titan on his own, this was just safer. When we did fight side by side, that's what we did. But for most of the day so far, we'd been taking on our own monsters. I'd been with Eld and Gunther, and he'd been working with Petra and Olou, and just recently we'd reconvened and were working on taking care of the last few monsters here. So yes, we were more than capable of killing Titans on our own, but there was something incredibly gratifying to work with him, to kill a Titan he prepared for me or vice versa.

One of Rashad's soldiers, a man named Nathan, seemed to have gotten caught by a Titan. His legs were in a large Titan's mouth and it seemed to be mindlessly gnawing on his lower half, and I hissed out a curse. Levi, knowing what I was going to do, swung around in a wide arc to prepare to build enough speed and momentum to go in for the kill.

Just as he did, I realized he cut it much closer than I thought he would, and that I had less time to grab the soldier. Guess I had to alter my plan. Without the time to cut into the Titan's jaw, for Levi had already shot his wires through the Titan's nape, hooking into a building on the far side of it, I landed against the Titan's stomach.

Levi flew by faster than I could blink, and when the Titan roared with pain before starting to buckle, I was there to catch the soldier. "I've got you," I said, securing my arms around him before leaping away from the Titan just in time to get out from under it as it collapsed to the stone road below. I ran a few paces more when we reached the ground, and I sighed with relief. That'd been closer than I wanted it to be.

But no matter.

I knelt and lowered the soldier as gently as I could to his back. Even as I gathered his cloak's hook beneath his head to act as a pillow, I gave his body a once-over, grimacing at the damage. All that blood loss...

I didn't think there would be any chance of saving him. And yet, we had to try. I'd seen miraculous recoveries before, from injuries just like these. It was certainly possible. I met his eyes and sent him a smile. Before I could speak, he did.

"Captain Amaya," he said weakly. I set my hands on his torso, applying pressure to a particularly deep gash that pierced right through him. I maintained steady pressure, sitting up on my knees to make it easier.

"Nathan," I greeted gently.

"Captain, am I going to die?"

"Help is on the way," I assured him. Warm blood pooled up underneath my hands but I continued to look him in the eyes. I knew well the eyes of a dying man. He had them. "Save your breath and your strength. We're going to do all we can for you."

A moment later, Petra - who had seen us go off to fight the Titan - landed a few paces away. "Captain," she said, jogging closer. "How is he..." She trailed off, seeing the extent of his injuries. She lowered herself to her knees on his other side and she looked at me, the graveness of the situation not lost on her.

"You're better at this than I am," I said to her. "Tell me how best to help."

"Best thing for him right now is to cut off blood flow to his legs," she said quietly. "He's losing a lot of his blood through those injuries.

"Do you have anything to make a tourniquet?"

"I have extra cloth," she said, rummaging in her pocket for it. I took some, and helped tie off his legs. If it would help, it would be minimal at best. The blood he'd already lost was too much, it would be a damn miracle if he got out of this alright.

I glanced up at the sight of Levi flying far overhead. Three Titans seemed to be approaching this street; the scent of blood was heavy on the air, and we made nothing short of a racket when killing the last one, which had nearly evaporated completely by now.

Only... there weren't only three Titans, one of which Gunther, Eld, and Olou headed towards. The pair that Levi was assuredly heading towards were followed by two small Titans, ones he didn't seem to see. Upon seeing us, their hideously large eyes settled on us.

"That idiot," I muttered, rising to my feet. I swiped the blood from my hands to my cloak, streaking the green cloth with deep, murky red.

"Captain," Petra said worriedly, not having noticed me standing up.

"I know," I said, not taking my eyes off the pair of Titans. "I'll be right back."

He always claimed to clean up after others... yet he seemed to always leave quite a mess behind. And who was left to clean up after him?

Ah, well. As I locked eyes with the first Titan I was to kill, I grabbed my controller grip from where it sat at my chest. I drew one blade and brandished it before me with a flourish. If I was going to clean up after anyone... it might as well be him.

That didn't mean I wouldn't gripe about it later, though.