Something that I knew I would have to come to terms with upon joining the Survey Corps - willingly or not - was death, and lots of it. Of the three regiments, the Scout regiment was the one with the highest mortality rate, and as it was, whether I wanted to be or not, I was considered one of them. I was counted among their ranks, a soldier though not decorated, but adorned in their uniform all the same, and so I was a statistic in the face of what could happen. 

All of these wing-borne men and women were brave, that was for damn sure, because with each expedition the projected number of deaths among their soldiers seemed only to get higher and higher as their numbers dropped lower and lower. Each expedition pushed further, pushing the limits of what these soldiers could do.

It was why, if El and I had ever gotten around to getting me a training visa to live up top, he wanted me to join the MP's or the Garrison. Never did he anticipate me joining the scouts, nor did he want me to. Honestly though... while certainly well on the safer side of things, I couldn't quite imagine spending my life standing around guarding politicians as they ate and talked about how they could worsen the lives of the poor people or, I don't know, what was it the Garrison did? Shine up cannons? I didn't want to do that, either. 

Besides... nothing could beat this view.

It was strange, though.

Last night, for the first time... the scouts we'd been living and working with seemed to finally see us as something more than street rats. Many of them had seen us fight, and word spread fast, and as such, news of our exploits - of taking down that single abnormal Titan - bled through the ranks and that got people looking at us as comrades, as real soldiers at long last.

And Isabel had gotten to talking too, about understanding why these soldiers devote themselves to this cause. In a way, us wanting to leave the underground to reach the surface was much like these soldiers wanting to leave the safety of the walls to experience real freedom.

As we raced along the grassy terrain on our horses, I found myself looking up often. Once, I had to look up at only rock, and for a time it seemed that sometimes, especially after that first night I got to see the starry night sky with Levi, I could look through the rock and see the night sky. It wasn't true, of course it wasn't, but it was all that I could do.

It was beneath the starry night sky last night that we... He and I made a promise.

That too was a story for another time.

I glanced over at him now, only briefly so that I wouldn't get caught and I wouldn't get too distracted. As Squad Leader Flagon reminded us often, the unexpected could happen at any time and because Erwin's long-distance scouting formation was still a work in progress (though it was a damn good one, at that), it was susceptible to flaws, especially considering that this was the first instance of the Scouts trying it out.

Erwin Smith, simply put, was a genius, and of the masterful sort. He was tactful, and upon my conversations with him over the past few months (as I did what I could to gain his trust and get closer to him), I found myself swayed by his grand visions of the future. I'd been trying to get him to be persuaded by my charms, but I found myself wanting to learn more about him.

How the hell did that happen?

"There's this look in your eyes," he had told me once. "You're a formidable woman, Amaya. You have the makings of an incredible soldier."

"What makes you say that?" I had asked. "You can't possibly learn so much about someone by looking into their eyes."

It was a lie, of course, and incredibly hypocritical. I was very good at reading people and their expressions, and what was said but not stated within their eyes. It was the only way I had been able to get so close to Levi; learning his eyes. I learned to read his expression, and what he said without saying it verbally, only with his eyes and as such...

"Your wings were born out of necessity," he told me in response. "They're real - it's obvious. They are heartier than those of the others, and they can take you much higher and fly you farther."

They might only have been pretty words meant to sway me. They might have been the words of a conman trying to make me believe something he wanted me to. He might've only called me formidable because he wanted me to fall for a pretty lie.

But I didn't care. They sounded genuine.

Erwin's words had sounded genuine, just as Levi sounded genuine now as lines of green smoke pierced the sky, arcing to our left, indicative of a direction change to avoid a Titan: "It's a brilliant idea. For so many units to act like just one living creature."

It was a brilliant idea, truly. With the vanguard up front, the more seasoned soldiers at the ready to take care of Titans if need be, but with the primary purpose to keep the entire regiment as far from them as possible... if properly utilized, it would cut down on casualties tenfold.

"Strange to think that there was so much pushback against allowing it," I mused.

"Yeah, well," Farlan said, "Squad Leader Erwin really is something. It looks like the rear guard will make it to the next supply point without so much as seeing a Titan."

"We've changed direction fourteen times so far," Isabel said, counting on her fingers as best she could while holding the reins. "So there were fourteen Titans? More than I thought there'd be."

"It just means, if we stop, it's all over," Farlan said.

"How about some optimism, Farlan?" I snarked. "I know you were hesitant to fight the Titan yesterday, so from now on, you can just leave them to me if we see any. How does that sound?"

"Oh, yeah," he said, rolling his eyes. "And have you get swatted out of the sky like those sorry souls yesterday?"

"Always so quick to jump to the grimmest possible ending," I sighed dramatically.

"How about we refrain from doing anything too reckless?"

"The sooner we finish the job, the sooner we can get to the capital and steal stuff from those fatties," Isabel said happily. I sent her a stern look to tell her silently to mind her volume, for Flagon and Sairam were only precious few paces ahead of us and if they caught wind of some plan, they'd get suspicious. Isabel only smirked in reply, the cheeky girl.

"It happens today," Levi said firmly. It was clear he was set in his conviction. "That bastard dies today." Levi looked at me before I could even think of speaking against such a ridiculous idea. "And if you tell me not to, if you plan on protecting him... just stay out of my way."

I glanced at Farlan briefly, choosing not to speak more or risk another argument about it.

When I looked forward once more... That was when I saw the rain clouds rolling in.

—

As far as I'd been told, it'd been a pretty dry summer season on the surface. By the time we'd been dragged up and out of the underground, it'd been early summer, and usually big thunderstorms were pretty common, but... not this season. We'd been lucky enough to see a few drizzles, and a few instances of rain when the clouds were sparse enough to still allow the sun to peek through and for a rainbow to come forth later, but so far... no storms.

Our luck ended today. Dark clouds loomed over the horizon, threatening to turn a hard day into an even harder one. We had enough to focus on right now with the dynamics of the formation we were trying out, and I was having a hard enough time staying on my horse when faced with the splendor of all the sights around me. The trees, the birds, the hills, the rivers, hell, even the different kinds of grasses, some short and green, others tall and stalked.

Oh, and that was not even mentioning keeping my three idiots in line. What with Levi and Farlan bickering every so often about the plan, Isabel throwing in a snide remark or smart comment or otherwise pointing something cool out in the landscape, I had my hands full.

The clouds rolled in without warning, and I was able to see it coming from the east, coming in waves of water that got darker and darker, thicker and thicker until it reached us.

It was a damn good thing we had hoods.

The wind picked up soon after, and I resorted to holding the reins in one hand while holding my hood in place with the other. "Damn," I heard Isabel exclaim. "It's a downpour!"

"Shit," I muttered, then raised my voice to be heard over the rain beating against our hoods and against the earth. "Keep your courses steady so the horses don't slip!"

"I can't see ahead," Farlan called out.

Then came Flagon's voice, authoritative even for all the anxiety laced within it. Only... that was only his tone. I couldn't hear what words he spoke. He was a few yards ahead of us, and even that small of a distance proved to be too much.

"I can't hear a thing," Isabel said.

"Then hush," I hissed. "I won't be able to hear either!"

"Don't break ranks," I thought I heard, only for Levi to shout over it, for as much closer to me as Flagon was.

"Isabel, Farlan, Amaya," Levi called. "Don't get separated!"

The rain was cool, but the dirt and the ground and the weather was still warm, and soon... a fog rolled in. "Great," I muttered dryly. "Because that's just what we need."

"What are we gonna do?" Isabel asked. "We're completely off course!"

"We've got no choice but to keep going like this," Farlan said evenly. "We shouldn't be too far away from the guys in the squad."

"You say that, but..." I trailed off, looking towards where they should be. The fog was just too thick, we couldn't see more than a few precious feet ahead of us and the sound of the horses' hooves hitting the mud seemed to be coming from every which way as it all bounced around in the thick fog.

"If we want to meet up with them," Farlan said reassuringly, as reassuring as he could muster as he looked at me, "we've got no choice but to pray that the fog clears up quickly rather than blindly changing course."

I scoffed, but it was less at him than it was directed at the awful situation we found ourselves in. "No deity would be stupid enough to listen to our prayers," I said quietly. It was a protest against our situation, and yet right now I hoped for nothing more but for some god or goddess or stray deity to bestow us with their divine gaze and protect us.

My clothes were soaked through and rain ran in unidentifiable tracks along my face. It dripped from my hair, my nose, my chin. The leather jacket offered no warmth and whatever might have been offered by the hood was lost as it filled with wind and got soaked anyway. Even with all that physical chill... none of it accounted for the icy grip of fear that now seized my heart.

With visibility so low, and noises from halfway across the formation sounding as loud as my heart pounding in my ears, we would be hard-pressed to hear orders, to hear others in a way that was discernible, and to hear... Titans.

We could die here.

That statistic of one of the four of us making it from the beginning of the expedition... It was looking rather generous.

"At this rate, we won't be able to use the flares no matter how long we wait," Isabel said fearfully.

"If Squad Leader Flagon's sound grenade is still working," Farlan said, "then we might be able to meet up with them if we're lucky."

"That's the problem," I huffed. "All of it relies on luck." 

"Scouting is hopeless," Farlan went on to say, all sense of reassurance leaving his voice in place of... resignation. Seemed he'd come to the same conclusion I had, then. "I can only see a few meters at best. It's almost like I can hear Titans breathing all around us. Yeah," he decided, "this is bad, you guys." But then, he smirked. "After all, if Erwin gets eaten, we won't be able to get the papers back. To take them, we've got to head to the center..."

"Shh," I said, cutting in as I heard something in the distance. It echoed through the fog, but it was loud enough to pick out a point of origin for it. "The sound grenade," I said breathlessly, recognizing it from our brief stints practicing with them during training.

"Is it our squad?"

"It doesn't matter," I said. "Being near another squad will be enough for us to get our bearings when the fog clears, and besides, there's strength in numbers."

"Sounds like we might be able to join them somehow," Farlan said, trailing off.

"It's not far," I said, confidence rising in my voice as our situation started to look better and better, "and I got a good read on it, so follow-"

"Levi," Farlan cut in. His words were met with silence, and mine faded into nothing as well, as though I'd never spoken in the first place. I glanced at Isabel, only to find that she was already looking at me. I shook my head to let her know I didn't know what was going on.

Well, that wasn't entirely true.

I had some idea of what they were considering.

No, more than that. I knew exactly what they were considering. But was this really the time?! We were having a hard enough time riding in a straight line! And they wanted to...

"You two," I said hesitantly, "think this through..."

"I'm going alone," Levi said decidedly.

What the fuck did I just say?

"You three join up with Flagon," he ordered.

"Hey," Farlan said, disagreeing with a single word.

"I'll get the documents... and then I'll be the one to kill him. I won't let him get eaten by a Titan."

"But-"

Farlan was cut off by Isabel. "Levi, I'm going too!"

"Isabel," he said simply. "What do you think? Just me, or Flagon and Sairam? Who's more likely to become Titan chow?"

Something about those words, though not directed to me, had a ball of nerves, leaden and growing by the second, forming in the pit of my stomach. "If the five of you stay together, it'll raise their chances of survival."

"But what about yours?" I demanded.

I was - once more - ignored.

"Levi," Farlan tried, "keep your cool and think! If you wait a little the fog might clear up!"

"Are you saying the Titans will wait until then?"

"You stupid man," I cut in. "You keep saying they won't wait to eat Erwin, but that means the same goes for you!"

Finally, a reaction from Levi, but just a glance, before he looked away. That had the nerves making way for anger, fiery and filling my lungs with fresh breath, with courage. "Just listen," Farlan shouted. "We don't know where the Titans will appear in a situation like this! Acting alone is dangerous!"

"I heard you already! I can do it by myself! Trust me!"

A silent moment passed. I could hear something, maybe a sniffle, from Isabel's direction, but I did not break from my glare to Levi. He was not going to leave without hearing me say my piece, whatever Farlan decided.

"Is that an order, Levi?" Farlan finally asked.

"An order..? Why does it have to come to that? I'm just..." He paused, looking at us each in turn, but he couldn't quite meet my eyes. Perhaps it was guilt. Perhaps it was hard for him to look at someone he promised he would stay safe only precious hours ago after decidedly breaking it. "The three of you..."

The meaning behind his words, even if he did not state them aloud, seemed to be enough for Farlan and Isabel, for they started to chuckle heartily. "Fine, I'll trust you," Farlan said surely. "Don't die."

"Make sure you come back, Levi!" Isabel said cheerfully.

Finally... all eyes turned to me expectantly. I couldn't say I blamed them, for I was being uncharacteristically quiet right now. But he had not wanted to hear me earlier. I tugged on my horse's reins and rode right alongside Levi, making his eyes widen. "You're not..."

I could finish the question in my head. You're not coming with me, are you?

I shook my own head in answer. "I can't leave them," I said quietly, the words only reaching him because of our proximity, now. Perhaps he couldn't really hear me, and was only reading my lips. It did not matter. "You know that."

He nodded.

"Just as Titans will not hesitate to go after him, as you say," I told him, "they will not hesitate to go after you. And if you-" I cut myself off to take a breath as the emotions balling up in my stomach threatened to break loose. "If you dare let yourself die, and leave me the one waiting until I die too... I will kick your ass."

Something that might have been a sad kind of amusement - the kind when you know it might be your very last time doing something - found his eyes and he chuckled dryly. "I know you will."

"There's no talking you out of this, is there?"

"No," he answered right away. "I'm going, with or without you."

I almost smiled. "Please," I stated quietly. "You speak as if you really were considering bringing me. Don't lie just to make me feel better. Just remember your promise. Your stupid words. And not that anything will happen, but... if it does, remember that I love..."

I love you.

I'd said it before.

Just say it again, Maya.

But no... I couldn't. I couldn't have him distracted by anything, least of all me. Not here, not now. His conviction was stronger than ever, and never had I gotten in the way of what he wanted to do, no matter how I disagreed.

For at the end of the day, his decisions were his own. Mine were, of course, my own. I would live with my choices, just as he would be forced to live with his, no matter what the outcome ends up being. To that end...

I cleared my throat. "I'd love it if you returned to us unharmed. Do you understand?"

He did. He understood what I was saying beneath it all, and so he nodded.

"Don't keep me waiting," I said finally.

"I should be telling you that, you brat," he muttered, though even through the rain and through the howling wind I could detect a certain note of affection and fondness in his voice. I smiled and, finally... fell back a few paces. Riding with Farlan and Isabel to either side of me and a pace or so behind me, I took up position as the leader while he was away.

Whatever happened, I would take responsibility.

I would not let him down, these two down, or myself down.

He nodded to us, and I'm sure he got similar reactions from Farlan and Isabel, but I only let my smile grow. All we had to do was trust him. It was that easy, huh?

In that case, all I really had to focus on was taking care of the three of us, because trusting Levi was as easy as breathing.

With that in mind, I swallowed my nerves down as Levi turned to face forward. With a firm kick to the horse's sides, he surged ahead of us, and I glanced in turn at Farlan and Isabel briefly. "You two," I said, "with me. Let's go."

The three of us swerved in the general direction the sound grenade from minutes before had reached us from. Assuming they kept pace and did not break formation, our positions relative to each other should not have changed much. I led the way, Strider and I narrowly dodging a tree with low branches with a swerve from him and a duck in the nick of time for me.

"Tread carefully," I called back to the two following me. "Keep your eyes up."

"Yes, ma'am," Farlan said, and I could practically hear the smile in his voice. I turned my head to shoot him a quick glare but was caught off guard when Strider suddenly leapt over a bush. "Pft! Pay attention, fearless leader!"

"Shut up," I called back, decidedly squaring my shoulders and facing forward again.

"The rain's getting harder again," Isabel said.

"Just stay close," I told her. "That's all we can do. I'm sure we're not far."

I figured any noise would be better than no noise to give away our position, but shouting would likely not push through the fog enough and it would likely attract the wrong kind of attention. But a whistle...

I let out a low whistle, doing what I could to imitate the birdsong I had heard earlier. And soon... Another sound grenade was fired off, the noise bouncing around in my head. "It's close! Nearly there, you two!"

I continued to whistle. And soon, it was joined by another, and before I knew it, dark figures cut through the fog. I was apprehensive for a moment before making out the shape of two horses with riders atop them. Strider and I surged forward, Isabel and Farlan on their charges staying hot on my heels.

I tugged lightly on the reins to let him run alongside the route the riders were taking, and with another burst of acceleration from the animal, we caught up. "Hey," I said, getting the attention of both.

"Ikeda?" I knew that voice, and now, breaking through the fog, was Flagon, followed closely by Sairam. I couldn't help but smile. "Ikeda!" He looked behind me. "Magnolia, Church! So you're ok!"

"Where's the last one?" Sairam asked.

"What happened to Levi?" Flagon demanded.

"We got separated in the fog," Farlan answered.

"But he had to have heard the sound grenade," Sairam said. "Is he dead?"

"Of course he isn't," Isabel shouted determinedly. "Levi will come back. Bet on it!"

"Do we have any more?" I asked. "Sound grenades, I mean. I've only got smoke rounds left, and they're probably soaked."

"That was all of them," Flagon said ruefully. "We don't typically have use for them, so we're not outfitted with many."

"Shit," I muttered. "Well, Levi's a capable soldier and he's got good instincts."

"They're right," Farlan agreed, meaning Isabel and myself. "He'll be back."

"If you say so," Sairam said unsurely. "I just hope you guys know when a cause is lost. We've lost a lot of great soldiers this way."

"It's all too easy to be overwhelmed out here," Flagon said. "Titans can..." He trailed off, and all of us lifted our heads a little higher. We'd all heard it. A footstep. Not the footstep of a horse or a soldier, no - it was heavier. Much heavier.

"Which way did it come from?" Farlan asked quietly.

He did not get a verbal response - we were all too focused on finding the source ourselves to answer - but he did get a response. There was another thudding footstep slammed down, and as far as I could tell, it was from the complete other direction. I was only just turning my head to look when a third footfall could be heard and before I could react, a heavy hand slammed down into the mud just precious feet before me.

"Amaya!" Farlan shouted, more fear than any I ever wanted to hear from him lacing his voice now - and all for me.

I had no time to lament being the source of such fear though, because there was a Titan after me, so I bit back my scream and by the grace of the goddesses' will, Strider reared, but did not buck me off. He twisted, instinctively making to run away. I managed to keep my hands on the reins and my feet in the stirrups, and I redirected him to make as much distance between him and the Titan as I could.

The Titan, an abnormal by the looks of it, gave chase. "F-Fly, um, Farlan, fuck!" Isabel stammered out. I shot a worried look behind me only to shriek with fear and duck as the Titan swiped a hand towards me. Strider surged ahead, a startled neigh escaping him as the Titan crawled towards us on all fours.

"Stay back," I called to them. "Be careful!"

"You're telling us that?!" Farlan shouted, rushing to my aid.

"Farlan wait," I protested, knowing already what he was about to do. "Don't-"

Farlan made to dive in to distract the Titan, already having leapt from his horse and switching to the gear, but Sairam took hold of his cloak and yanked him back. Just as the Titan had been reaching for Farlan, it accepted this new sacrifice, and Sairam was grabbed around his torso without a chance to get out of the way.

"Sairam," I said breathlessly, though it was drowned out by Flagon shouting his name, too. Sairam was crying, tears rolling down his cheeks and a strained sort of gasp fled past his lips as the Titan squeezed his ribs. Blood dribbled down his chin, and yet he still had the fight in him to stab his sword through the Titan's hand.

"Squad Leader! Stay back! Run while you can!"

"Sairam!"

The Titan opened its mouth. I yanked on Strider's reins and he slid to a stop in the mud, protesting with a discontented snort, but I was already dismounting when Farlan was there, holding his arm in front of my chest to keep me from going any further.

It happened quickly.

"Take care!" Sairam shouted. "I'll see you on the othe-"

Crunch.

The sickening sound of metal being crushed, bones breaking, and teeth gnashing were all we heard for a moment. Blood rushed from Sairam's wounds, his skin shredding like ribbons in the Titan's teeth. But I couldn't look away from the horror of it all.

Sairam had swung in to save me, because I hadn't had the wherewithal to leap off my horse. I thought I could outrun it.

His death was my fault.

"Sairam," Isabel said quietly, kicking into her horse's sides to urge her onwards. "We can still..."

"Isabel, no," I said urgently, getting back on Strider. "There's nothing to be done!"

"Forget him, you idiot," Farlan shouted at her, mounting as well and riding between Isabel and the Titan who was happily enjoying its meal. "Run! There's no way we can take it on in this rain, not caught off-guard like this! We need to scatter for now...!"

A hitched intake of breath was what made me look over at him, where the Titan had, quicker than a flash, crouched down on all fours before him. Isabel swerved away, and I could as well, but Farlan pulled back hard on the reins to urge his horse to stop before it landed in the jaws of the Titan, but it slipped and Farlan went tumbling to the mud before it.

"Farlan!" 

My veins were filled then with adrenaline, and I leapt off Strider and shot a wire off. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I had to do something, and so I shot it off past him, using a quick burst of gas and the slickness of the mud to my advantage. I zipped towards him, keeping my feet in the mud to skate alone, and I dug my heels into the mud to force myself to slow only when I got to his side. Wasting no time, I hooked my arms around him and pulled him with me out of harm's way.

My foot caught on a rock and that sent us both tumbling over each other in the mud. "Farlan, Amaya, are you alright?!" Isabel shouted.

"We're fine," I said, biting back the pain in my foot.

Farlan, who had rolled to a stop just beside me in the mud, got to his hands and gave me a once-over, cluing immediately into the way I clutched my ankle. "Are you sure, Amaya? No, you're..." He looked towards the others. "She's hurt!"

"It was just a rock," I said. "It's only pain. I'm fine."

"Stop being so prideful," he muttered. "Just... Isabel, no!"

I looked where he was, to see Isabel... flying through the air trying to find an opportunity to kill the Titan. "Isa, don't do it! Wait for us!"

There was a fiery look in her eyes. Always so independent, so fiery... It must have been because she had that red hair. It's always the redheads, after all.

I was only just getting to my feet when her eyes narrowed and she prepared her blades. The Titan swatted at her, but she was incredibly agile. Farlan had only just messily shot out a wire in a panic into the Titan's arm to go help when Isabel dove in.

The scream was only just bubbling up in my throat when the Titan twisted, Isabel's blades just barely missing its nape. Farlan stumbled, letting his wire go limp as the Titan turned its head and...

Her head went tumbling to the mud only feet in front of us.

Her eyes... her beautiful green eyes... now glazed over, flecked with mud and devoid of all the life and love and hope that had filled them before. They'd always seemed to sparkle, even when underground, and...

She'd tried to play the hero, because she'd heard I'd gotten hurt and Farlan was assisting me.

Her death was my fault.

"Isabel," I said quietly, reaching for her, only for Farlan to pull me back.

"Come on," Farlan said, keeping his voice impassive as best he could.

I could hear the emotion bleeding through his words, so many things he wanted to say instead being pushed to the wayside as he remained, as he always was, ever steady and calm. He hefted me up with him and let me lean against him. My ankle was burning, but I didn't worry about that right now.

"Stay here," he said quietly, drawing away from me then.

"You idiot," I said, taking my controller grips in my hands. I ignored the pain shooting up my leg and drew my blades, following him as he started to run. "Don't go off alone!"

"Isabel," I heard Farlan hiss. "You killed her! You bastard!"

I could hear the sound of the fans starting to whir in his gear, but it sputtered, and a few empty clicks and an impatient huff from Farlan clued me into what was happening. His gear had been damaged, likely from our tumble in the mud.

It was my fault.

"Shit, just my luck!"

I shot one wire out far off to the side of him, leaping up to fly in an arc around him to get between him and the Titan, then sent another one to adjust my trajectory and send me right into the Titan's path. I sliced through the Titan's fingers before it could grab Farlan.

"Back up," I ordered, momentum keeping me in the air until I shot another hook off to bring me to the mud.

I looked towards the Titan, distracted now by Flagon.

"Squad Leader Flagon!"

"How could I run off and abandon my squad?!"

Such blatant heroism even after losing such a close friend... was that what it meant to be in the Survey Corps, to be a leader? To put everyone else's needs before your own...

"Church, Ikeda," Flagon said, zipping around a tree with the Titan in tow, "look for a horse! You survivors should run!"

"Flagon, you-"

The Titan leapt up, catching our squad leader in midair. We locked eyes. "Squad Leader!"

"Move," Farlan shouted in a panic. "You can handle that, right?"

But it was useless. I stood beside Farlan as Flagon got swallowed down. With his faulty gear and my faulty judgment, it would be a damn miracle if we got out of this alive, and I think he knew that. One Titan had taken the lives of damn near our entire squad.

Sairam.

Flagon.

Isabel...

I looked up at Farlan, and he met my gaze with a warm smile.

"So this is it, then," he said with a sigh, letting his shoulders relax a little.

"Seems that way," I answered.

Rain streaked down his cheeks. Or were those tears? It was probably both, just as it was for me, too.

"You know what," he said, "I'll say it. I need to say it to someone. Amaya," he said, meeting my eyes surely, "I'm really happy that I bothered you for all that time back then. To join us, I mean. It was fun, and..."

"It worked," I finished for him. "I did join you, after all."

"Yeah," he said, getting choked up as he nodded. "I mean, I think I charmed you right from the start. You'd have killed me otherwise, right?"

"Maybe," I replied, the word taking far more energy than it should have to brush past my lips.

He fought to keep his breathing steady, and for a second I saw that calm façade fade away to reveal his fear, his regret, and all the things he wanted to say to me. "Yeah. And honestly... with the way things turned out, all things considered... I couldn't have been happier."

"Neither could I," I admitted. "Joining you two was the best decision I've ever made."

"I don't want to see you die," he admitted earnestly. "Would it be cowardly of me to go first?"

"It would," I answered. "You wouldn't get to see me try to be a hero again."

Farlan's smile grew. "That's our Amaya."

I took a deep breath in, and when I exhaled the weight of the situation set in on my shoulders. The finality of it all settled atop me, and I began to think back on all the things I'd done, but also... all the things I wanted to do. All the things I wanted to say.

"Thank you for bringing me into your family," I said to him. "I'm going to miss you, Farlan."

I made to step forth, brandishing my blades, but Farlan pressed the flat side of his blade to my stomach, halting my progress. "I'm going to miss the hell out of you, too. But... let me be a coward this time," he said. "I meant it when I said I can't stand to see you die."

The weight of his words had a fresh wave of tears welling in my eyes. "I refuse to let anyone else die for me."

"Jeez," he muttered, lowering his blade. "You're something else."

I rolled my head to crack my neck. "Yes, well. You should've known that by the first time we met." That made him chuckle lightly even as the Titan spat out a blade that had gotten stuck between its teeth. "Goddesses, they're ugly."

"There's nothing to be done about it, huh? You're not letting me be a martyr?"

"Nope," I answered surely, squaring my shoulders towards the Titan as it rounded on us. I shifted my weight between my feet, trying to ignore the pain. Not that it mattered, the pain; it would all be over in a moment, anyway.

"Oh, what the hell," Farlan said, then summoned his nerve. "C'mon, you big fuckers! Let's go!"

The Titan reached for Farlan. I shot out my wires to get in the way, only for Farlan to cut through one, ruining my forward momentum and making me stumble. The movement of Farlan rushing to slice my wire did not create a lot of distance between him and the Titan, and similarly, me stumbling did nothing more than make me an easier target to grab.

The Titan grabbed both of us.

Farlan, thankfully, had his arms - and blades - free. I was not so lucky. My arms were pinned to my sides, and the immense pressure forced me to let go of the controller grips or let my hands be crushed against them.

"Farlan... You..."

"Sorry, Amaya," he said softly. This Titan was not bipedal. It went around on all fours and its balance wasn't great with its weight centered on its back feet and as such, it looked between the both of us, as though... thinking. Determining which one of us would taste better, which one of us looked more pathetic. "I meant it when I said I didn't want to see you die. I couldn't let you get in the way and die for me. I just didn't realize it'd grab you, too."

This was the terror of an Abnormal Titan, then? It looked more like a predator than the others.

"Farlan," I called. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I don't know," I said in reply. "I don't..."

"I don't want to die, either," he said, knowing what I wanted to say. "But I got you caught. Guess I'm a fuck-up to the end, huh...?"

When Farlan stabbed his blade into the titan's hand, it roared out in pain, and before I could scream I was slammed against the ground beneath its palm. The wind rushed out of me and sandwiched between the mud and the Titan, I couldn't gasp in a single breath of air to scream, to call out to Farlan, to tell him that it wasn't his fault, but there was no time.

The Titan lifted Farlan towards its mouth.

"No," I tried to say, only for the single word to die in my throat. There was no breath to grant it life.

I heard the startled whinny of a horse but I could not look away from Farlan. The Titan lifted him upwards, then dropped him into its waiting jaws, legs-first. I had to watch, gasping for air and scrambling for purchase in the mud beneath the Titan to slip free, as Farlan's legs were enclosed between two rows of massive teeth.

"Farlan," I managed to croak out. "No, please..."

Farlan's gaze found my own. Crystalline blue eyes filled with warmth, with hope, one last time before...

I closed my eyes as his torso was unceremoniously flung from the Titan's mouth and landed only feet from me. Was it my turn, then?

I waited, and waited, but it seemed to sense something else, because it did not kill me right away. I went stock-still, ceasing in my struggle to escape if only to draw no further attention to myself.

I opened my eyes, only to find myself looking right into Farlan's eyes. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. But I could not, so I did not.

Nothing moved, until... a glint of metal rushed past my vision, and the Titan was suddenly struck. A soldier? But who could move so fast...?

Ah.

A dash of dark hair, pale skin, that lightning-quick speed and the ability to wield swords of steel as though they are light as feathers...

It could only be Levi.

As the Titan reacted to the pain, it pressed its hands into the mud, thereby putting more pressure on my body and I coughed, something warm and sticky coming up. The coppery tang in my mouth let me know immediately what it was: blood.

I did what I could to watch Levi, but I was pressed to my back and I couldn't maneuver much. And with him going so fast, and with my vision so blurry... it was difficult to pick anything discernible from the fuzziness.

I only knew it was Levi because... who else would it be?

This long Titan had killed damn near an entire squad. If someone else chanced upon it, the smartest thing to do would be to run away. It wouldn't make sense to play the hero. There were no horses around, no trees to hook to. Only a titan in a field of mud, blood, and corpses.

But none of that would matter to Levi.

He didn't need a horse or trees to fight here. He was just that impressive.

As my vision blurred in and out, I smiled, for what better sight to see as I died? What finer sensation could I feel than the sweet revenge of Levi killing the Titan who had killed our family and our squad?

And just to see Levi one last time...

I was a fool to be worried for him.

The speed he worked at was incredible, only just visible to the human eye. It was hard for me to focus on him, even if I centered all my efforts on it, with my mind as bleary as it was. For as impressive as it was... I'd seen what this Titan could do... and what it had already done.

"Get away," I said weakly. The Titan, overwhelmed by Levi's attack, finally lifted its hand up and away from my body and I coughed with the effort of sucking in a breath. I tried to sit up, but winced at a sudden pain in my chest. I rolled over, my whole body protesting at the simple movement, but I couldn't stay here if I didn't want to get stepped on.

It was difficult for my fingers to find purchase in the mud, but I managed to drag myself away, the pain growing with each movement. I put just enough distance between myself and the Titan to remove the threat of immediately being stepped on. Any more movement than this and I might pass out.

I glanced over my shoulder, my eyes finding Levi's form still hacking away at the Titan. With strokes of the swords as smooth as paint brush strokes, he sliced cleanly through its arms, chest, and legs. It lost its mobility, its ability to fight, and its head, in only a moment's time.

It was as beautiful as it was terrifying.

And finally, with one last mournful, labored cry, Levi sliced through its nape.

I let out a relieved breath, and allowed my head to drop down onto my forearm. I caught my breath, then rolled to my back to allow myself to breathe... or more accurately to heave, easier.

It was over, but at what cost had this one victory come? That bastard had taken too many lives. But at the very least... it would take no more.

As the titan's corpse fell to the ground and began to evaporate away, Levi landed in the mud on his feet. His knees knuckled only slightly with the impact, but he stood tall, the only clear sign of emotion peeking through was the bow of his head.

I'd never seen such an emotion from him, but I knew what it was. He was hiding tears.

And if I squinted just so, I could make out the shape of Isabel's head just before him. Now, more than anything, I wanted to go to him. I needed to go to him. My heart hurt more than anything else and I couldn't allow him to be alone right now. I couldn't.

It was clear that the cries that had escaped him as he fought were from effort, and from pain, but not physical... because he knew. There was no way he didn't.

He was standing before Isabel's dismembered head, and I'm sure he had seen Farlan. Whether or not he'd seen me was up for debate, but if he hadn't... it was likely that he thought I'd been eaten. Here was proof of Farlan and Isabel, and if I was nowhere to be found - for I'd been obscured beneath the titan's hand - then the logical conclusion was that I was dead, too.

But I wasn't. I might've been on my way, but I was not dead yet.

With Levi as he was now, there was no doubt in my mind that he could kill Erwin. I just didn't know if he would. Would the reward even be worth it now? Would anything be worth the lives lost today? Nothing would make up for it. No amount of money could, and not even... not even citizenship. That was how I thought. But Levi...

Would he take the money and go live in the capital?

Would he not bother to kill Erwin and return to the city?

I didn't know, and that worried me. He never was one to act rashly. He was a calculated sort of fighter and he knew his strength well. But in a situation like this, what would he do?

He could be lifted from an underground thug to nobility, if he wanted it.

But he wouldn't. If Levi was anything... it wasn't greedy. It wasn't selfish. Not by a long shot.

I could taste fresh blood dribbling past my lip, running with the rain down into the mud and mingling with my tears as Levi fell to his knees. I needed to go to him. I couldn't allow myself to keel over until that happened.

"Levi," I said quietly, my lungs burning with the effort to maintain a steady breath. I rolled over onto my stomach, biting back a hiss of pain. I got my knees under me and pressed my hands into the mud. It took nearly all my strength to set just one foot down. I set my hands on my knee and pushed against it to help me stand.

He must have noticed the movement as I finally got to my feet and took a single step which took far more effort than it normally would have. I eased my weight onto my injured leg. I was surprised by how steady it was, but when I took another step, I fell to the mud again, slipping back onto my stomach with a pained grunt.

Levi got to his feet and ran to me, sheathing both blades then sliding to his knees when he was close enough. He reached out for me, unsure of where or how to hold me, but I was just happy that he was close enough to hear me speak.

"Amaya," he said, his voice not daring to rise higher than a raspy whisper. He took my shoulders into his hands and gently, so gently, rolled me to my back. But for all his gentleness, the movement disturbed my injuries and so I winced, the pain almost overbearing.

But stronger than that overbearing pain was my desire to speak with him.

I blinked to clear my eyes of tears, of rain, so that I could see him. He had been crying. The tears were clear in his eyes, and with shallow breaths, I found the effort to lift my hand to caress his cheek. But then I saw the mud streaked across his skin now and so I drew my hand away.

"I'm sorry," I said weakly. "I know how much you hate messes, especially on your-"

"Shut up," he said shakily, taking my wrist in hand and pressing it back to his cheek. "You idiot. Why would I care about that right now?"

God, I was so cold, but he was so warm...

With the silent permission granted, I swiped my thumb gently underneath his eye, clearing it of tears. Levi pressed one knee to the mud, then lifted me to set my head gently against his thigh. He pressed his hand to my neck, just to check my pulse.

I could have told him that my heart rate was slower than it should have been without him needing to check, but he did anyway, and the emotion that flashed across his eyes was one I never wanted to see in them again.

"Levi," I began quietly, only for him to hush me.

"Shh," he said. "Shut up. Save your breath."

"We tried to fight it, Levi," I continued anyway.

"I know," he replied. "Now shh."

His hand was shaky as he cupped my cheek, and I let my own hand fall back to press against my chest. "I tried to save them," I told him. "But I wasn't fast enough and Farlan, he..."

"You're fine," he insisted. "You're going to be fine. But you have to save your strength, Amaya. Tell me what happened when you're safe."

"Isabel was so brave," I said. "Farlan, too, though he'd tell you he was a coward. They were so brave, Levi."

"So were you," he said, "but you're an idiot who doesn't know how to stop talking."

I shook my head. "I'm dying."

"Don't say that," he ordered. "We're going to make it through this, Amaya. You're..." He trailed off as we both caught on to the sound of approaching horses. 

He leaned closer, his eyes narrow and intense as he gazed down at me. I lifted my hand to hold it over the hand he had cupped over my cheek. He was just so warm, it was lovely. I was grateful I still had the energy to feel this, to feel such comfort and appreciate it before I...

"You're all I've got left," he said waveringly. "You can't do this. I'm not losing you too, brat. I can't. I can't..."

He lowered his head, gritting his teeth. I squeezed his hand in what I hoped was a reassuring gesture. "At least you know how I feel," I said quietly. "And, for a time, we..."

"Shh," he hushed, more forceful now. "I'm still waiting for you." He leaned closer and tentatively, hesitantly, and quite sweetly, kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes to let the feeling of the act sink in. Simple though it was, it warmed my heart, that same warmth that I felt from his caress spreading now from my heart to the rest of my body.

When I opened my eyes... a fresh tear rolled down his cheek.

"You can't keep me waiting forever," he said, holding my trembling body close to his.

"I'm so sorry," I murmured, just as a horse came to a stop just behind him.

"Levi," came the familiar, authoritative voice of Erwin. "Are you the only one left?" Levi's eyes drifted up and away from me, very quickly turning venomous. "The corpse of this Titan... you did this alone?"

"Levi," I said in protest as he lowered me from his lap.

He set me gently back in the mud, ensuring this time that my cloak's hood - though sullied with blood and mood anyway - was beneath it. He stood, and, quicker than anyone would be able to react, turned to attack Erwin. Levi tackled the much larger man off his horse, and I was shocked by such a superhuman display of strength as Erwin was knocked to the ground on his back while Levi landed gracefully on his feet.

Another soldier - I had met him upon joining, finding that he, Mike, was one of the soldiers who had caught us and was as strong as he was stoic - leapt from his horse to fight Levi, and at that I rolled over, gathering my limbs beneath me once more to... intervene somehow, I wasn't sure yet.

Levi was far quicker than I was and drew one blade, a clear threat. But even clearer were his words: "Stay back."

Mike, to his credit, stayed back, and Levi approached Erwin just as he was sitting up. I found it in me to stand, and though I wobbled, I took a few brave steps forward, just in case Mike tried something. I wasn't sure what I could do, but Levi would not be hurt in front of me.

I would not allow that.

"Erwin," Levi said venomously. "I'm going to kill you, you bastard. That's why I'm here." The blade he brandished towards Mike was now pressed to Erwin's neck, just millimeters away from breaking skin.

Erwin did not waver. "So they all died?" Levi must have gestured my way with nothing more than a slight movement of his head, or perhaps he did nothing at all, but Erwin's eyes found mine, and I was struck by the crystalline blue shining in them, the very same color of...

"I see," Erwin said. "Seems to me like she's just barely holding on." I narrowed my eyes, but watched as Erwin reached into his jacket to retrieve an envelope enclosed with a wax seal. "This is what I supposedly have on Nicholas Lobov."

"So you know?"

"Unfortunately," Erwin said, tossing it to the mud, "you're too late."

"Hey," Levi hissed. "What are you trying to say, here?"

"It was a bluff," he responded simply.

"Huh?"

"I knew that Lobov was embezzling the military funds left over from the suspension of the Survey corps these last few years. I spread false information because I wanted definitive proof to back him into a corner. This is Lobov we're talking about, and he's cautious. I thought he would make some kind of move first to confirm the existence of the documents."

No fucking way.

"As I expected," Erwin continued, "he hired you four. If he'd made a move then, there'd surely be some trace. Following those back, it didn't take much time for the proof to fall into my hands. I was able to pick up on him because he made a move from his end."

"Knowing that much, why did you bring us into the Corps?"

"One reason was your exceptional military prowess," he explained. "And another was to use you as partners to throw off Lobov. But there's no longer any need for that. The real documents are currently in the hands of Commander-in-Chief Zackley."

Zackley... I knew that name. Even from before joining the military. But from where...?

Oh. El's hero. The man he always wanted to meet. A man as strong as he was proud, in such an important position...

Erwin met Levi's gaze evenly. "It's all over for Lobov."

They died for nothing. Not just Farlan and Isabel, but his own comrades, Flagon and Sairam, too. If they'd been placed with another squad and not forced to babysit us... they'd likely be alive right now.

"It wasn't worth throwing away their lives! They were nothing but pawns in your worthless game!" Levi shouted, but then his voice grew deadly quiet. "Well, you lose."

"Levi!"

He made to slice Erwin's neck open, but the stupid man held the blade with his bare hand. "Worthless game? Who's the one that killed my subordinates, your friends? Was it me? Was it you? Do you think that if you had come to attack me together that the two of them would have made it out alive? That Amaya would be in any better shape?"

"That's right," Levi spat. "It was my conceit. My damned pride is to blame-"

"No!" Erwin shouted, surprising us all. Erwin pushed Levi's arm down, away from his neck. "It was the Titans! Where did the Titans come from? Why do they exist? Why do they eat people? We don't know! We're completely ignorant."

True, but what the fuck does that have to do with throwing away so many lives? In his pursuit to get Levi's strength, what could possibly be worth letting the three of us - and his own comrades - die?! How many lives... How many lives is Levi worth?

"As long as we stay ignorant, they'll keep eating us. We'll never turn the tables on them by staying inside the walls. Look around you! In this wide open place, there are no walls, no matter how far you go. Here, there might be something to free us from our despair. But there are people who would keep us from leaving the walls. They stay where danger can't reach them, obsessively thinking only of their own profits and losses."

Erwin paused, considering his own words.

"It's understandable. The clouded eyes of mankind, blocked for a hundred years by the walls... they can't see the other side. What about you, Levi? Have your eyes remained clouded?" Erwin stood, and now Levi stood squarely in his shadow, unwavering. "Will you kill me, and return to the dark underground? We won't give up on going outside the walls. Fight with the Survey Corps, Levi! Humanity needs your skill!"

Levi lowered his sword, and I pressed my hand to my stomach. All of it was for nothing, the whole time, but only for Levi's skill...

He claimed he'd seen potential in all of us. But was all of this only a ploy to get Levi? Would Erwin so easily throw my life away if it meant it would secure Levi's place among his comrades?

"From here on out," Erwin said, "there's no deal."

Mike remounted his horse when Erwin did, and Levi stood in place silently, considering everything that had been said. But for my part, I stayed still because anything more would be too much on my body. I waited for Levi to do something, anything.

When finally he turned to face me, setting his controller grip in its holster, I couldn't quite make out the look on his face because... Ah. That was why.

I swayed suddenly, and the only thing keeping me from falling to the mud was Levi dashing forth to catch me. "I've got you," he said quietly, hoisting me up into his arms. "I'm not losing anyone else today."

He carried me towards his horse and I could only just make out the shape and color of my own horse trotting up to his own. They touched noses, and Levi took hold of his reins to tie him to his own horse before mounting as carefully as he could with me with him.

I couldn't help but let out a small whine attributed only to pain as he got settled in the saddle and maneuvered me to sit in front of him. "We're going to get you help," he assured me. "Don't you dare die, Amaya."

He gently guided my head to lay back against his shoulder and I closed my eyes, focusing only on breathing for now.

I wondered briefly if I should even keep fighting to breathe. Why wouldn't I just let go? Why was I still fighting? I was so close to seeing everyone again... My grandmother, El, Caden, Farlan, and Isabel were all waiting to see me. Why would I make them wait longer?

Levi kicked into his mare's sides and urged her into a walk, then into a trot to keep pace with Erwin and Mike. He kept one hand firmly around me, and every once in a while he would glance down at me to make sure I was still breathing.

Perhaps that was why.

Perhaps it had nothing to do with the logic of it all: that I was nearly dead, why not give in?

Perhaps it had everything to do with the emotion of it all: my heart refused to let me die.

It was because of this chance I had been gifted or had somehow gotten through a fluke to see more of the world I had waited my whole life to see... and to love the man I had waited for so long to love freely.

It was because of Erwin. Who was he to deem someone else's life more valuable than my own? I will work hard. I will recover. I will fight. I will prove him wrong. I will prove to him, and to myself, that I could do more for humanity than he ever thought possible.

It was because of Levi. If he could fight on... then so could I.

And... It was to honor those brave souls, the first to dedicate their hearts. I would make sure that their sacrifices meant something. That I would go on to see what they could not. That I would keep their dreams alive.

With that conviction set, my heart thumped a little more surely in my heart, and I pressed my head against Levi's shoulder with a bit more pressure, a quiet gesture to him that I was alright.

Actually, for now at least, I had a feeling that both of us would be alright. Maybe not right away, not with this grief so heavy in both our hearts. But with time, anyway...

Perhaps our Wings born of necessity might grow stronger, prouder. For the first time, I felt so clearly the wings emblazoned on my back. Perhaps this is what it means to dedicate your heart.