4 days 5 hours 10 minutes and 53 seconds

until her best friend moves 

9 hours 16 minutes and 589 miles away.

the more she thinks about it

the more she wants to cry

but no tears will come.

why can't she cry?

//

4days 5hours 9minutes 37seconds

//

she tries not to imagine

life without her best friend

but it's hard

because what will she do?

skype calls, texting, letters

aren't enough.

she wouldn't be able to hug her best friend.

it wouldn't be the same.

who was she going to talk to?

who was she going to take pictures with?

who was she going to hang out with?

who was she going to be herself around?

it was like a never ending cycle of loneliness.

first she moved away from her best friend Rosie,

and her best friend Gracie was moving away from her.

maybe it was karma

to make her feel the pain she caused

in a sense. 

she wished Gracie wasn't moving.

it was hard enough to have a different friend barely speak to her

but then to have her best friend move away?

//

4days 3hours 7minutes 23seconds

//

she didn't want to think anymore

to feel

she just wanted to get lost in an abyss of imagination

where reality couldn't catch her

where she could fly

and do whatever she pleased

and be free.

books and dreams and movies were her escape.

//

3days 15hours 11minutes 47seconds

//

she wanted to see her best friend

but she couldn't

Gracie had to pack

all of her things in boxes.

what would become of her house?

who would move into it? 

who would infest it

change it

make it their own

as if they had a right?

almost as if they were trying to fill a role

they could never even come close to 

like a drop of water 

desperately trying to fill the role of an ocean.

impossible.

//

3days 6hours 2minutes 52seconds

//

she was finally going to see Gracie

tomorrow

she would be going to her house

even though she didn't want to see it all packed away

just a shell of the life 

that had once been bustling about.

she would be packing boxes

helping her best friend do the very thing

she didn't want her to do. 

the thought made her want to cry,

but she couldn't cry,

because despite everything

she was numb. 

//

2days 1hour 2minutes 13 seconds

//

she had given Gracie

the gifts she had been working on for weeks.

after, 

they packed boxes all day.

it was all surreal to her...

maybe it was all in her imagination

maybe Gracie wasn't really moving at all

and that she was just dreaming a horrible dream

and that in reality 

she wasn't losing yet another best friend

because the thought of being alone was terrifying

who would she talk to?

who would she rant to?

she could still text and FaceTime and call her Gracie

but it wouldn't be the same 

because Gracie would be an hour behind

and caught up in her new life

with new friends

new places

new everything

and when everything is new

who has any time for the old?

//

1day 17hours 56minutes 3seconds

//

she wouldn't be able to see Gracie again 

not before she left

her heart was breaking

and ripping

and shattering

all at once

alone

she would be all alone

she is alone

in her room

crying

crying a silent cry

but a cry nonetheless

she was finally crying

but she felt like screaming

because her world was caving in around her

and nobody was there

nobody

was 

there

and 

she 

was 

alone

//

12hours 32minutes 28seconds

//

if only she could drive

she would be at Gracie's house 

in a heartbeat

spending the whole day with her

even if nobody else wanted her there

besides Gracie.

she remembered 

that Gracie once told her

that she was the only thing 

that Gracie would miss

but she couldn't hold back her best friend

she could never do that to her.

she refused to be a cage 

holding back something so beautiful

something meant to fly

when she felt trapped in her own cage.

she wished she could fly away

and explore the world.

she was stuck in a never ending rut of sameness

and nothingness

and loneliness all at once.

there was nothing really holding her back

not truly.

the only thing that would hold her back

was flying away anyway

so why stay?

what was the point?

//

2hours 3minutes 24seconds

//

it was two in the morning

but Gracie was leaving at four.

Gracie was about to start a life

a life without her

it still didn't feel real

and the tears hadn't come 

not since the other day.

she was glad she hadn't cried yet

she wanted to wait

because as long as her best friend was still here

she wouldn't cry.

but she only had a few hours left

before the loneliness truly fell in

and before she would truly be alone

//

0days 0hours 1minute 1second

//

we're about to leave!

//

0days 0hours 0minutes 0seconds

//

we're on our way! eek!

//

in a single second

her heart had exploded into a million pieces

shattered 

ripped apart

jagged

broken

utterly destroyed.

the tears wouldn't stop now

slipping and sliding down her cheeks

seemingly her only companion now

because she was alone

no one to talk to 

no one to cry to

no one to laugh and smile with

no one to be there for her

no one

no one

no one

no one

no one

no one

no 

one 

nobody

alone

alone

alone

alone

alone

make it stop..