Song: Alvida

(Manish)

It was emotional, to say the least. I didn't realize that I would end up nearly sobbing my heart out to my mom, dad, sister, and best friends at the airport itself. It's not easy to say goodbye to your loved ones whom you've been around for so long.

I was going to miss my mother, with her Shimlan accent, amazing cooking, and comforting nature. I was going to miss my dad's Haryanvi-Rajasthani accent blend, his confidence, and his words of wisdom every time I was having a bad day. I'd miss how my sister and I would always have our fun moments, and we'd also poke fun at each other, mainly her about my relationship with Ashwini.

I was going to definitely miss Jen because of how sweet and almost motherly she was to me. She was like a younger mentor, weirdly, and I found a lot of advice that she gave me very helpful. But, most importantly, I was going to miss Jaya to death. I was going to miss her smile, her laugh, her spunky demeanor, and just how she was able to make me realize that I had finally had someone that was worth making happy.

I knew from the moment she started calling me Sunny that this was the girl that I wanted to make happy, and would make me happy in the near future. My intuition was far from being wrong.

I had about 30 minutes left before the flight was to start boarding. 30 minutes was a lot of time to do a lot of things. But really, all I had the energy and happiness to do was to grab a cup of watery, overpriced coffee, mask the garbage like taste with enough cream to have a cow hate me forever, and just the right amount of sugar to satisfy my sweet tooth. Once I got that, I sat back down in the airport seat, waiting for my flight to start boarding.

I pulled out my phone from my bag and decided to go on YouTube and watch random videos that just popped up in my recommendations. Whether it be cute bunny videos, a video of a husky whining in the bathtub, or a random compilation of near death experiences with the worst kinds of music put over them, YouTube really wasn't boring in that sense.

However, that plan was thrown in the trash when I saw a very specific notification pop up on my phone. It was from Jen, and in the text, it said, "Here are the pictures from the reception. Enjoy, and I'll miss you." I smiled, and then opened the pictures to see what exactly was inside so that I could remember some more good times before getting on the plane.

When I opened up the file, the first picture that I saw was like a slightly nostalgic slap in the face. It was the picture of Jaya and I dancing, after I had come up with the sneaky plan to ask her to dance with me. The smile on her face was something that I'd pay a million dollars for. The amount of happiness that I felt when I was holding her in my arms was something that can't be achieved very often. I was happy that I had achieved that with Ashwini, because I knew people like her were just so hard to find.

My eyes started to tear up a little bit, because I was going to miss all of that. I was going to miss dancing with her and accidentally stepping on her feet, as we giggled over the amount of times that I had messed up and caused one of us to get hurt. I was going to miss how she never took things to heart when we were around, and how she was always so patient with me when I was acting like a 10 year old. I glanced at the clock one more time, and I still had 27 minutes.

I decided to go through my camera roll just because I was bored, and I didn't want to drain all my money right now buying overpriced food at the airport because I got bored. Although my stomach may have fought me on that, my wallet had just the right amount of counterarguments.

I opened my camera roll, and after moving past the guitar covers of "Tera Ban Jaunga," "Pani Da Rang," and "Baarish," I stumbled upon numerous pictures that I honestly kind of forgot about until that moment. They were pictures of my family, mostly of my mom or sister, and after going past that, I found all the golden pictures.

Like the time I smeared ice cream on Ashwini's nose, and she just looked like she wanted to kill me. Or my 23rd birthday, when Ashwini and Jen took me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant, and they sang Happy Birthday to me even though they knew I'd be slightly embarrassed at it.

But the one that takes the cake is when we all came together in my kitchen for a huge day of cooking and baking. Even though Ashwini was hell bent on the fact that she would burn everything, it would all be underseasoned, or that she would cause the entire kitchen to catch on fire. I remembered just chuckling at her and helping her out, and everything turned out fine.

I smiled at all those memories, as more and more tears started to form in my eyes. I grabbed my bag so that I could put my phone away because I didn't want to end up having a full on sob fest. When I put my phone in my bag, the first thing that I felt was something that was just soft and plush like. Feeling curious, I pulled it out, and saw that it was a stuffed dragon. But it wasn't just any stuffed dragon.

It was the stuffed dragon that Ashwini had given me years prior. I smiled, because it was at that point that she realized that I still loved stuffed animals, and this would be perfect. At the bottom, along with the little tag that Ashwini had attached years prior, there was a new, fresh tag. "Just in case you miss any of us. Love, Mumma."

I smiled, thinking of how my mom thought of me to slip it in. I looked at the old tag that Ashwini had put on there, and it said, "I know how much you love stuffed animals. This is for you. Love, Jaya."

It was at that moment that I felt a sharp punch at my heart. Something about that note was like someone kicking me in the ribs. I felt like all those tears that I had been attempting to swallow just came back up and started falling out like a broken dam. I couldn't control my feelings any longer. Swallowing back the memories, pain, and heartbreak was all just too much for me.

I had to let it out. Keeping it inside of me was like letting a dog chew on my hand like it was a squeaky toy. I sat there sobbing, with the dragon in my hands, as I felt like someone had dragged a knife through my heart. I just felt so destroyed at that point, because I realized how much I screwed up at that point.

But, other than the fact that I had screwed up, I had realized something that I wished I had realized a few days ago. I had fallen in love with Jaya. I should've realized the pain of leaving her was not because she was my best friend. It was because I had fallen in love with her. All this time that we spent bonding together has created a ditch that love resided in, and my emotional attachment to her was like the push that I needed to fall into it. And now, I had lost the chance to tell her how I felt.

I had completely screwed up and didn't realize that I had loved her until it was far too late to do anything. That was the fact that completely ripped me up to shreds. The one thing that really made me hate myself at that point was the fact that I felt like I had lied to her. I felt like I had completely screwed things up not only because of my ignorance, but because I wasn't honest with her. I never told her the feelings that I was starting to harbor for her, and the reason for that was something that just never was obvious to me.

I had just decided to lie to her and completely deprive her of the right to the truth. I absolutely hated lying to people, and I've never been good at it. I almost wanted to beat myself up with how good of a lie this turned out to be. And especially towards one of the most special people in my life. I had always been honest with her, and she was always honest with me, whether it hurt me or not.

I just wished that I could go back in time to tell her how I felt so that my wood-like conscience wouldn't be broken down by the termites of guilt. I sat there sobbing for a couple of more minutes, as I hugged the dinosaur a little bit more.

At that point, all I needed to do was cry. I didn't have my family with me at that point, and I probably wasn't going to see them for a couple of months. I couldn't call Ashwini because she was probably getting ready for medical school, and busy. Jen was probably going to do the same thing as well. I had nobody at that point.

All I had to do was go to Seattle and wait so that I could call my mom and tell her everything. At that point, she was the only person whom I felt comfortable enough to tell her everything. I just needed somebody to confide in so that I could get this weight off of my chest. It was killing me not to tell somebody how I felt.

After crying for a solid 5 minutes, I sat up and dried my tears on my shirt. It was almost time to board, and I had to be ready to get on the plane so I could start my new life. It was scary, but the pain from all this guilt and secrets that I had held wasn't going to make things easier.

I knew that crying about it wasn't going to be beneficial in getting adjusted to my life in Seattle. When it came time to go board the plane, it was time for me to start a new life.

A life without Ashwini.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next week is the last chapter! There's an epilogue following, and I will release the last chapter and the epilogue simultaneously.