Time moves dramatically slow when you're alone. I know this because time has been seeming to stand still since Magnus broke up with me. Days feel like weeks and in them, I'm lonely and defeated. Jace and Izzy have taken to distancing themselves from me and I can't blame them, not when I'm desperately trying to run away from myself as well.

As I walk down the hall after the final bell on a Friday that feels like a Monday in every sense, I notice the icy blue posters cluttering the walls, advertising the Winter Formal coming up next week.

Around here, the two biggest events for seniors are the Winter Formal and Prom. The former of the two involves elegant clothing, sweet couples, brilliant icy decorations and a long night of celebration. I wonder idly if Magnus and I would've gone together. I feel the tightness in my chest at the thought and banish it away, focusing on my steps as I make my way into the parking lot.

His eyes meet mine across the lot and if it's at all possible, time completely stops.

Avoidance is too mild of a word for the situation we've found ourselves in. It's as if we're not even in the same universe, the way we repel each other. But in this moment I can remember drowning in his kisses, curled up beneath a blue duvet that I've long since packed away, or by his favourite lake, watching the clouds drift by on one of the hot summer days we shared.

Or sharing coffee during the early mornings at 'Bloom', the first place I've ever truly belonged. I remember it all so clearly when he looks at me, all of my favourite memories that I've tried so hard to bury. They attack with a vengeance, almost so suddenly my head aches but it's welcome in this moment.

All too soon, he blinks and looks away as he follows his friend Ragnor to his car. Time begins to move again, though still too slow, and I'm alone again. The pain and panic set in as I all but launch myself into my car, burying my face in my hands and trying to push the aching in my torso away so I can breathe again.

By the time it subsides, the parking lot is empty and the place he stood is desolate. The entire school grounds are empty and so am I. I find myself wondering if the pinched, heartbreaking ache was better than this numbness. I find myself wondering when my options became so dull.

The drive home is long and I skip dinner again, curling up beneath a black blanket that encompasses all I could ever be. I let the darkness engulf me.

I dream of free-falling. I dream of Magnus and I, clad in ugly jumpsuits and harnesses under the boiling summer sun. I dream of being reckless, of wanting to live for the first time in my life, of feeling breath in my lungs that was truly my own. I dream of defiance and brilliance and skylines and mountains and hot air and falling. I dream of falling so often now that it's a wonder I have yet to hit the ground.

The weekend passes in a lull. My mother peeks her head in my room 5 times during the two days. She doesn't ask how I am, because, in her eyes, she's finally won. Her gay son has learned his lesson, and though he's broken, he's no longer a mistake, and for her, that's enough. The thought makes me sick, but it's all I can think about each time her gaze falls on me.

I don't think she'll ever realize how big of a failure I really am. How much I've truly messed up this time. It's barely been 2 weeks since Magnus decided I wasn't enough, and in that time, I've fathomed all the reasons he could've ever needed to walk away. I've made him faultless because that's what love does to you. It's a sick, cruel, twisted game and I realize that I don't want to play anymore, not if the outcome is this.

I've come to realize that Magnus is a garden, and all I will ever be is a flower. Unable to grow, unable to be loved by such a forest, unable to bloom.

*

"Come on, Alec. You're going." Izzy states, all but dragging me out of bed. I want to yell, scream, break down and cry, but I can't. Nothing can help. So I let her pull me off my bed and toward my closet.

"Isabelle," I caution quietly, watching her movements slow but not stop as she rifles through my clothes. "I really would like to just stay home." Shaking her head, she pulls one of my suits from my closet, turning to me.

"Absolutely not, Alec. You've been sitting at home by yourself for ages. You've barely left your room, you don't talk to Jace or I, Max keeps asking what's wrong, dads worried and I can't keep watching you lock yourself away because of him." She knows better than to say his name, which I appreciate, but it does little to console me.

"What will it take to get you to let me stay home tonight?" I beg, glancing at the navy blue suit in her hands.

"Nothing. Now go get dressed and I'll come back to help with your hair." Turning on her heel, she exits my room. As if on autopilot, I strip out of my joggers and t-shirt, sliding into the shower and letting the droplets bounce off of me. Soon enough, I'm pulling on the black dress shirt, buttoning it up and tucking it into the blue dress pants.

Once I'm dressed and my hair is dry, I glance at myself in the mirror. I suppose most people would have an opinion on how they look. They'd notice that the bruises beneath their eyes aren't okay, or that they look terrible, but I don't. I just look away and wait for Izzy to come back.

She walks into my room like a hurricane. Her elegant dress hugs her figure, ending just above her knees, shining in the dim light of my bedroom. She looks pretty, I suppose.

"Good, you're dressed. Come on," grabbing my hand, she tugs me into her bedroom and seats me on the stool in front of her vanity. Before I can stop her, she's dabbing something cool on my face.

"Hey, whoa, what are you doing, stop-"

"Shut up, Alec. You need some makeup, you look terrible." I sigh and close my eyes, letting her work. After what feels like ages, I'm finished. Glancing in the mirror, I look different, awake, alive somehow, yet not quite right.

"Jace is meeting us there, he's picking Clary up. You're driving." With a sigh, I slide my jacket on and follow Izzy downstairs and past my parents, ignoring them as we walk into the garage. I grab a pair of keys and slide into my car, pulling out and taking my time driving.

"The longer you take, the longer you have to fret. So hurry up." Izzy snaps, crossing her arms. I tighten my hold on the wheel but do as she says, picking up speed through the white covered streets towards the hall.

I can hear the music of the Winter Formal even from the parking lot. I don't realize that I haven't moved until I hear her soft sigh, feel her hand on my arm.

"Let's go, Alec. It won't be that bad."

We enter the school and I take in the vibrant coloured lights and music, the surrounding people dancing and mingling. It's all too much for me, but I swallow my fear and suck it up, following Iz until we can find Jace, Clary, and Simon.

"Hey, guys!" Simon greets, a goofy smile on his face. I manage what I assume looks like a strangled smile, and by his sympathetic one back, I figure I'm right.

"I'm going to grab a drink," I mutter to Izzy before turning and walking away, needing some distance, some air. I grab a glass of punch off the table and head out of the large hall onto the covered outdoor area. The air is bitter and cold, biting at my exposed cheeks and nose, but I like the way it wakes me up a bit. Not many people are out here, which isn't surprising considering how cold it has gotten, and the fact that the party is happening inside. But I prefer to be alone, like this.

"Isn't it a bit cold to be hanging out outside?" It's his voice that makes it feel like the air is being ripped out of my lungs. I feel hot all of a sudden, strangled by my tie, as if my clothes suddenly became 4 sizes too small and I can't move. I feel him come up beside me, stopping just behind my elbow. His presence feels like home in a way, yet completely out of my reach. It's like seeing the finish line and knowing you'll never cross it.

"It's less crowded out here." I finally reply, my voice wavering slightly. I don't dare turn to him, hearing his slight hum in response.

"I know a place that's even less crowded. It's my favourite place to go." I swallow back my emotions and try to find meaning in his words.

"I doubt you can even drive up there this time of year. The path was nearly gone last time I went." Confessing that I went there for him sounds pathetic, but that's what I am, so I don't feel too bad.

"I can assure you the path is well worn, and the road is quite clear. Just...keep it in mind if you feel it's still too crowded here for you." Before I can answer, I hear his soft foot falls as he walks away.

Was that an invite? Or simply permission to use his safe place as my own? I stay outside a few more minutes to collect my thoughts before I'm simply shaking and I force myself to go back inside.

"Where did you go?" Jace asks, worry creasing his brow.

"Just out for some air. Have you seen Magnus?" His brow raises in suspicion and he turns to look at the exit.

"He walked out there just a moment ago. Why?" I have my answer in that. It was an invitation, and even if it could be a mistake, I know I'll go.

"Can you drive Izzy home please?"

"Where are you going? You just got here, Alec she won't be happy if you don't even give it a chance."

"I promise you this is the only chance I think I'm going to get. Please?" My eyes find Jace's gaze, pleading silently and he sighs, nodding and patting my shoulder.

"Drive safe, call me if you need anything."

Once I've thanked him, I make my way out of the hall and into the parking lot. After finding my car, I slip behind the wheel and start the engine before cranking the heat. Sitting still for a minute, I let my bones thaw before I back out and start heading towards the edge of the city, the one road I know.

He was right. It's well worn and free of much ice, as if he's been here several times. Once I find the path, I see his car, parked just past, and fear wraps itself around my heart. What if this is all a mistake? What if I'm just bound to get hurt again?

What if I don't care anymore? Not when it comes to him. He could tell me to dive off a cliff and I would, simply because it's Magnus and I trust every word he's ever said. I guess that's love. And as much as I hate it, it's a part of me now. It's us.

I take my time heading up the path that's well trodden, knowing now that he's been struggling too if he's come here so often. I didn't think it would hurt him this way, I assumed he didn't care, but maybe I was wrong. I hope I was wrong.

Magnus' silhouette in the moonlight is everything. It surprises me to see that the set of his shoulders looks tense, almost. The glitter in his hair captures the moonlight in it's many tiny facets, twinkling like a million tiny stars in his dark hair. His back is to me as he looks across the frozen lake, standing still, waiting. 

"It is less crowded here," I remark softly. Turning around, his eyes meet mine and it feels okay, just for a second. Everything seems to fall into place when it's just us, and maybe that's why it was so difficult when school began. Life got so in the way of the world we'd created for ourselves that we let it slip away. We'd created something wonderful out of nothing and then threw it away when it got too complicated. We were foolish. 

"You came," he sounds surprised, but how could he be? How does he not know that I'd do anything he asks? What have I done wrong to not show him by now? 

"Of course I came." He smiles, white teeth gleaming softly in the darkness and I can't stop the slight smile back. It's not perfect, this moment, because there's so much left hanging between us, but it's okay for now. 

"Alexander, leaving you was simply the worst decision I've ever made." The words ring in my ears, sounding like a dream that I've had a million times. "I was so afraid," his voice breaks unnaturally. Magnus has never sounded anything but confident and this vulnerability scares me. "So afraid of losing you that I pushed you away. I didn't ask for anything, because I thought you'd just know what I needed, and that wasn't fair. I was so terrified of us not working that I let it fall apart." 

I step toward him, the distance between us far too much, stopping when I'm just a few feet away. 

"Magnus, it wasn't all your fault, you know. I let everything else become my priority over you, and that was stupid. I promised you that we would always come first, and when it came time to prove it, I messed up." Taking his hand in mine, I trace the lines of it to ground myself. We're both so cold that we're shivering, but I doubt it matters to him. It sure doesn't matter to me. 

"I thought I knew what love was, you know? I've dated before you, I thought I'd been in love but I haven't ever loved anyone. Not until I met you." My eyes move up to meet his and there is nothing but truth in his gaze. It's glossy with unshed tears, a thousand emotions hidden in his amber eyes. 

"I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I can't afford to lose you, not after this. It hurt so badly to be away from you." I confess feebly, blinking a few times to keep the tears away. They sting in the corners of my eyes from the cold. "Everything was so dull again. You taught me what it was like to actually live. To be afraid for all the right reasons, to see so much beauty in this world that I'd been missing. But without you, I lost it all again. And I need that. And I need you, Magnus." He smiles and it's raw and it's pure and it's home again. It's excitement and promises and life all wrapped into his perfect lips. 

I lean forward, pressing my chapped, frozen lips to his and letting all of my fears fall out into the snow, burying them beneath it and hoping they stay there. He kisses me back as if it's all he needs, and I know it is right now. 

We're shaking, wrapped up in each others' arms, teeth chattering between us from the cold. Snow falls on us like confetti in our own little celebration, but despite everything, it's just right. It's not perfect, not by any means, but it's everything I could ever ask for. It's Magnus Bane, and that's all I think I'll ever need. 

It's beautiful. 

It's love. And it's us, covered in snow, freezing, in a place where nothing will grow, when the world is asleep for the winter, it's just the two of us, alive, awake, and still, we bloom. 

***

A/N: It took so long to figure out how I wanted to write this chapter. I tried it so many times, and with this story and others lately, I've been facing some severe writer's block! But here it is, the ending of Bloom! It was only ever intended to be a short story, and I think ending it here is perfect. I'm happy with this. 

I'm not sure if I'll add bonus chapters, let me know if you'd like to read some or maybe a sequel? Not sure yet, please comment and tell me what you think! Also, credit to the artist for the photo used.

Thanks to everyone who's read this story! It means so much to me and I love every single one of you! 

I hope you enjoyed the ride. 

-thespilledpoet