Chapter 25

"You can do it, Bea," she whispered shakily, eyes on the sink below the mirror she was previously staring at. Her friends were waiting for her, she was sure of it...in the Hufflepuff common room excitedly calling for her to hurry but they were just teasing her - and Sirius made sure she knew that when he shouted at their friends for rushing her.

The laughter was heard even from her bathroom, excitedly shaking presents from the tree that had appeared because the castle always knew what was going to happen. The walls had ears, and Bea was sure of it but even as she woke up on the morning of Christmas day, she wasn't sure she even knew what she would do.

She was...so content, so peaceful and James had been spending the nights in her dorm just to keep her company, just to be alone with her. Waking up in his arms felt like bliss and she smiled as soon as her eyes opened and that hadn't happened in a long time.

Her mornings had always been different, and she didn't know how, because before she would wake up in his arms on an occasional day she would stay in his dorm and his head would be between her head and shoulder and his soft snores soothed her and he was so peaceful that she smiled just at the sight of him.

But she hadn't been doing that, until today.

And she felt it time to do something she wasn't sure she would ever do, and she wasn't scared - she was nervous, though. She was nervous about what she would feel, of what her stomach would do...and if she would hurl up her guts and she wasn't sure she wanted to find out.

But she needed to do it.

She just needed to.

So, her wand that clutched tightly in her right arm raised on a shaky arm, and her eyes closed, and she recited the spell in her mind over and over again, heart pounding and sweat forming on her hairline, and then she tapped just once at her hair, at the dark brown locks that were getting longer.

And the reciting of the spell became verbal and her eyes fluttered open and she watched, and watched, and watched herself in the mirror - watched the spell work until any light produced from her wand was gone.

Her gasp came first, and the wand hit the floor second, and her hands clasped over her mouth with tears already streaming down her cheeks at the sight...at the sight of the sandy brown hair that had finally made its return.

But her tears weren't sad, and the nerves had left, and she wasn't scared because it felt right.

She could look at herself, and she wanted to. She had her hair back, it was her colour and not something she stole from a muggle shop. It was her natural hair with the sandy brown she missed, and it fell close to her shoulder that it just looked like she had gotten too much of a trim at the hairdressers.

Like the change had hardly happened at all.

Before, when she saw herself with such hair just after what happened - it was too hard, she couldn't bear the sight of herself...she couldn't look at herself in the mirror and be happy because she knew that the girl with the sandy brown hair and the cuts and the bruises that once marked her face was the girl that stared back in that mirror above the bathroom sink.

But now, it wasn't that.

It wasn't the girl from months ago, all the way back to the very end of June.

It was Bea Lupin, with her bright eyes and sandy brown hair and a smile.

And she felt comfortable again.

"Bea, bloody hell!" it was Remus and she giggled...she fully giggled because she was happy, and it was Christmas and he was impatient.

"I'm coming!" she grumbled, grabbing her wand and making sure her room was empty when she appeared back into it. Her wand was on her bed and she changed from her pyjamas...and instead of the dungarees that sat on her chair in the corner, she wore a dress.

It was one from last year, a yellow dress that was fit much better for spring, but it was a wonderful dress she once loved and if she was going all out on Christmas day then she wanted to wear a wonderful dress.

She paired it with brown boots and she thought they matched her hair quite nicely, and the dress that floated to at mid-thigh looked lovely and very different compared to dungarees that she twirled in the mirror more times than once before pairing the dress with one of Remus' grey cardigans that was far too large, but comfortable nonetheless.

And then the time came to step out into the common room, to see their faces and have a good time with her friends but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

A million thoughts ran through her head in those moments that her hand gripped the doorknob and she was there behind it, only hidden by a piece of wood. She could hear the impatience in her friend's voice, and Beau going, "bloody hell what are you doing in there?"

"You wear the same thing every day!" Violet laughed and earned laughs from her friends and she smiled softly because they had no reason to believe anything different.

And her fear wasn't there anymore because it was her friends, it was the ones who loved her most in the world and they had stayed to celebrate Christmas with her. They had stayed, and instead of seeing their own families - all of them decided to stay with her, and have their Christmas with her because they all loved her so dearly.

And that was all it took for her to twist the doorknob and walk into the common room, unsure that she was prepared for all eyes to be on her, but they were nonetheless.

And it was silent.

It was...painfully silent.

And her friends had eyes wide like saucers and glazed with tears and mouths parted in shock.

And she realised James wasn't looking at her...that it was all eyes excluding one until he realised the silence too and turned from Sirius to the door.

And he dropped.

He dropped to his knees and the tears hit him instantly and his hand moved to his mouth and he couldn't stop himself because, Merlin, it was Bea.

It was his bumble.

Her eyes latched to his, ignoring the eyes of those around her...of her brother who wiped his tears and clutched Sirius' hand so tightly, and Violet who muffled her sobs with her hand and Lily who was smiling so brightly as Peter patted her back and Beau who realised then and there that the Bea with the dark brown hair wasn't truly her.

But this was.

Bertie could hardly breathe as the pride coursed through him.

She moved, and the cardigan floated, and the dress swished, and her hair fell over her shoulder brightened by the midmorning sun that shined through the window.

And she dropped to her knees in front of James and pulled his hands from his face to show hers.

"...Bumble," he choked out, and she smiled so widely that her eyes crinkled and she moved to kiss the tears that flowed down his cheeks, taking his head in her hands and kissing him whilst he held her so close to him, "you...your hair."

She laughed quietly as she held him, clutching him so tightly whilst he ran his fingers through the sandy brown hair with awe because it wasn't just hair...it was the biggest progress she had made.

"Surprise," her voice was barely a whisper, but it wasn't because she was sad, it wasn't her bad day - it was a great day...it was already perfect, and she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to smile at Peter who was smiling with glazed eyes.

"You look great, Bea," he said, and she lifted her hand to clasp his, "you look beautiful."

"b-e-a-utiful," Sirius piped in and she giggled, wiping her own tears and holding onto James who hadn't let go of her, who still cried into her shoulder, and held her so tightly so overcome with such emotions he hardly knew how to cope.

"I think you've broken James," Lily said with a quiet laugh, leaning into Violet who was shaking with sobs, trying to keep herself contained as she looked at the girl she had known for so long.

"I think so too," Bea whispered, kissing his temple as he held her, and she could feel the wetness of his tears on her neck, but she didn't care because she knew it was happy tears - he was happy, and she was happy, and her friends were happy and that's all she wanted.

And when James could finally stand on his own - though bursting into another wave of sobs at the sight of the girl he was utterly in love with - she moved to Violet.

"You know," Bea whispered, allowing the girl to lean into her and soon began to stroke the hair from her face, "I don't care what happened between us last year, and how you feel will always be important to me, but I'll do everything I can to help you get over it because I know you can.

I've had Remus my whole life, and I'm in love with James, but you are my soulmate and I...miss you so much.

I miss you, and our time together and how it used to be. I miss holding hands and cuddling and being with each other as best friends because you are my bestest friend in this whole world and I never ever want to lose you. I miss us, and I miss you, I miss my best friend in the whole wide world - and I...I just want for you to be happy.

And I don't want to think I'll ever lose you because I don't want that. I can't...I can't lose you, Vi."

When she thought her tears had dried from her James' reaction, she couldn't help her tears with Vi. She was an emotional wreck, but she had always been an emotional girl - her emotions could be crazy at times and what she went through with Violet scared her, it terrified her actually, because she could have been gone...and she knew that if that happened - Violet would never be able to cope with that.

"I can't lose you, Bea," she spluttered, "look at us! We're all crying on Christmas...I just, I don't want you to think you need to be there for me when I ruined our friendship."

"You didn't ruin our friendship, Vi," Bea frowned, tightening her grip on her, "you were sad...and scared, and you admitted something bravely and you needed time and just because the time you got could have been cut short doesn't mean it was and you are still my best friend whether you like it or not."

"No, I like it - I'm...I'm so glad." Bea smiled as she hugged her, and she felt her heart swell when Peter moved and hugged the both of them, and then Lily, and then Beau, and then Bertie, until the others had joined in and they were all hugging so tightly, so close and so tightly and laughing with each other as they held each other.

"It's not like any of us to wait to open presents," Bea giggled softly, squeezing James' hand when she met his eyes and he mouthed, 'I love you bumble' and she couldn't have possibly smiled wider as she mouthed back, 'and I love you'.

"So, are we all done crying for the day?" asked Beau, ruffling Bea's hair as he sat beside her, and she turned to glare at him, smacking his arm away but soon nodding to his words.

"I am definitely done crying for the week," she shook her head, fixing her hair, "you've never seen me like this."

"You're right, I haven't," Beau chuckled, throwing his arm around her to hug her, "I didn't realise something was off with you until you walked out of that room. It's not just the hair, though, Bea, it's the clothes - they just...they scream you."

"That's because it is her," Sirius whispered, eyes bright and smile wide, "it's...it's all her."