[still on my break i just had a really bad procrastination session and now have a ton of chapters]

Chapter 15

"It's so cold," she whispered, eyes wide and pulling her jacket around her tightly. Her hand was tightly clutching James' partly for the warmth and partly because the weather was causing frost to wave over the castle and a thin layer of ice to cover the ground.

James had suggested a walk to clear her mind after she woke from a particularly bad nightmare, though he had noticed that she seemed to get over it quicker than she usually did. He wondered if it was her allowing it to fall from her mind instead of overthinking it or that she was far too drained to even try to think of it.

Regardless of her answer, it helped nonetheless.

"Maybe if you got a heavier jacket..." James trailed off, only stopping when her head snapped around to glare at him considering they had had this argument plenty of times. Her jacket wasn't the warmest even though it was supposed to be suitable for winter, she only bought it because she liked how it looked.

"We need to talk," he soon said after a few minutes of just walking. They had found themselves straying from the path around the castle and instead ventured down to the black lake to walk along the edge of the water rippling in the chilly air.

"Very serious," she trailed off, turning to face him to see that he was in fact, very serious.

"I just...I don't want you going back to your house over Christmas," he whispered, slipping his arm around her waist after she confirmed that it was alright to do so, "of course if you want to then yes that's fine but I don't want to leave you alone. I don't want to not be there when you're in that house, Bea, I just - I can't leave you."

She took a deep breath, she hadn't even thought of it before...she didn't realise that she would have to go back there and for it to be the same as it always was, to go to that house and pass that room.

No matter how better she could get, she knew that the feelings she had for that room would never change.

"I don't want your parents to see me like this," she admitted, "and I'm not...ashamed of who I am right now because I know there's no way to truly recover than to trust time and hope it's good to me whilst trying my best to help myself, but I know that it took our friends long to fully accept that I wasn't going to just change overnight...and they're...they're great now and I love that.

But I don't want your parents having a terrible Christmas because they think they need to be cautious around me and I say that because they are the loveliest people, James," she looked at him, her hand resting on his chest and meeting his eyes just to reassure him of how much she adored his parents, "they would try to make me feel so comfortable that they'd be exhausted, and I don't want that but you're right.

I don't want to be without you over Christmas, I don't want to be without any of my friends over Christmas and I wonder how it's going to be. I don't want to go home to that house because I'm so scared in case even seeing that room is going to take me back to the very start." She breathed a sigh.

"Why don't we both stay here?" he suggested, softly brushing the stray hairs out of her face, "we could stay in my room or even yours...we could go to Hogsmeade and take walks like this and I can know that you're safe."

"Do you think my parents would allow that?"

"I think your parents would just want you to be happy," he stood in front of her, running his hands over her cheeks to warm her up and she slowly lifted her hands to hold his, "plus Lyall shouldn't have a say in what you do or don't do."

"James," she trailed off, her brows raised at his bitterness, "I think he's redeemed himself."

"Not yet," he growled.

She guided his face to look at her, stroking her thumb over his cheek, "he got him off of me."

James looked away, only nodding silently and Bea retook his hand, pulling him along and through the trees of the forest that surrounded the lake. She was holding onto his arm, her head leaning on his shoulder and a sigh of content left her lips as they walked in silence.

She had only just realised how at ease she felt with James touching her, but it was only James she felt comfortable with. Just a few days ago did Bertie move to hug her only for her to flinch so much that he took three steps back and apologised furiously, to which she merely waved him off and squeezed his hand to make sure he knew that it wasn't his fault.

"I think my dad is scared of you," she admitted, "which is quite the opposite of how it usually is."

"Yes, well usually fathers love their daughters for their whole lives so," James grumbled, tightening his grip on her when she gave him a look.

"We don't need to think about that," she said, leaning up to brush her lips against her cheek, "I need to ask you something...or - no, actually I just need you to confirm something for me."

"What is it, babe?"

"You guys...you and the boys," she took a breath, "you don't like Beau, don't you?"

He tensed, and she grumbled some curse words when she realised she was right, "It's not that I don't like him...but I just, I don't want him thinking that our friends are all terrible because they haven't been around."

"Well he doesn't think that it," she said, "but could you really blame him if he did?"

James' shoulders slumped, "No. Which makes it worse because you are so close to him and I'm not going to be that boyfriend that gets mad just because you have friends who are boys - that's just stupid, but I just wish we could have made a better impression considering you're...so close."

"James," she whispered, stopping him, "Beau knows how incredible you are, partly because I've told him that and partly because he's seen it himself."

"But he doesn't exactly have that justification for the guys," James frowned, "my best friends - your best friends."

"My brother," she said, "Beau knows the guys are good people...and he is a good person too, and Violet knows that - they're growing on each other I think. He doesn't really know Lily because he's not around when I'm with her and he's close to Bertie. Course he could be close to the boys if it wasn't for Sirius' scowling anytime I'm with Beau."

He took her face in his hand after she gave him a silent nod, and slowly he kissed her mouth. It didn't last long, but she could feel her lips tugging ever so slightly when he pulled away and she whispered, "If I have to knock some sense into Sirius, I will. He's so territorial."

"He's more territorial than I am," James chuckled, "he's not even your boyfriend and he's jealous of your male friends."

"And you're not," she tutted, and he could see the teasing in her eyes regardless of the lack of smile, "maybe I'm with the wrong boy."

"That's a last year problem," he took a step forward, her head still in his hands, "should I remind Sirius of the neck kissing? I think he's finally forgotten about it."

"Don't you dare!" she huffed, "I'm only kidding. I don't think Remus would be too fond if he heard me say that."

"I'm not too fond either," James smirked, kissing her one more time, and soon whispered, "I could do that all day, Bumble, so please stop me if you don't want me to."

"I'm okay," she reassured him, tracing her fingertips over his hand, "it's when things get...heated. That is when I start to feel stressed."

He lifted her chin, "so no more spontaneous make-out sessions, please."

She rolled her eyes, pushing herself up to kiss his cheek and soon continued on their walk.

She didn't know when they reached the Quidditch pitch but sitting on the grass with just them in the empty pitch was very relaxing and lovely. She missed it, and it took her back to James' match last year when she flew alongside him - and secretly helped him win. -

As If he read the memory in her mind, from beside her James whispered, "Bumble...when was the last time you flew?"

"A long time ago," she replied quietly, her head bowed to her hand clutching his which he squeezed tightly, "not since before."

"Bumble you have to fly again," he whispered, "do you know how much it could benefit you just to spread your wings?"

"I don't know, James," she muttered quietly, "but on the bright side, if Sirius gets territorial again, just tell him he knows about my animagus and Beau doesn't."

"Yes, but Remus also doesn't."

"...oh yeah," she sighed, "I'm scared."

"Stay here."

She frowned and watched him jump up and she almost jumped up too when he turned and gestured for her to stay once more. Her eyes narrowed on the back of his head and she flipped him off just as he turned to stare at her as he walked, only smirking when he turned around but soon flipped her off with a lift of his hand.

She pushed herself up when he approached her again five minutes later and she was sure her heart had swelled when she saw him carrying his broom in his hand, "you're going to fly with me?"

"Of course, I am," he whispered, leaning over and brushing his lips against her cheek, "I couldn't let you have all the fun now could I?"

She smiled, and squeezed his hand and he wasn't surprised that his heart had sped at the mere sight of the smile on her lips. It was simply beautiful, and he mounted his broom just as the smile fell, "James what If I forgot how to fly?"

"How did you fly the first time?"

"I just transformed, and the wings did it for me."

He smiled, "so let your wings take control again."

She took a deep breath, and he sped off into the air, wooing as he did so and cheering. He was coaxing her to transform, shouting his praises and how she could do it.

So, she did.

She transformed in an instant and her wings started fluttering instantly, the faint sound of her buzzing like a hum in her ear and she sped off in a flash. She could hardly stop herself, she buzzed around James until she was higher into the sky and flying around every inch of the pitch she could find.

She felt relaxed but excited at the same time, she felt a bubble of happiness - a thrill...refreshed - she felt so many emotions all at the one time that she just flew and flew and flew until her wings got slower and slower and slower and she landed on James' shoulder to catch a breath.

James was laughing, he had never seen her fly so fast ever - he was hardly able to see her, she looked like the snitch and he was seeking her out but she landed on his shoulder with her wings still fluttering ever so slightly and the fur brushing off the coat he wore whilst he flew around in circles, talking to her as though she'd ever be able to respond.

She soon nestles into the corner of his neck for just a moment whilst his laughter filled the air until she was speeding off again, zooming around the pitch at the same speed as before and James dipped down to the ground, lying on the grass and watching her fly above.

She transformed over twenty minutes later, panting for a breath and her muscles aching though she didn't regret it one bit. James pulled on her hand so that she would lie down beside him, her hand intertwining with his and a smile on her lips.

It was a smile showing her teeth...no, it was more than a smile it was a full-blown grin and she was exhausted, but she grinned at him - she was showing real genuine happiness in that moment with him and regardless of the cold air or the freezing ground, she had never felt more warmth than lying there with him.

She felt a small flicker of happiness return to her because of her animagus.

She felt herself growing.