Zephaniah

Three am. I wondered why I woke up at this time, tiredly staring at my alarm clock. Usually, I had no problem sleeping through the whole night as the many impressions of the day I would get- exhausted me.

Rolling onto my back as I had slept on my stomach, I quietly sat up and glanced at Cooper, who was sleeping beside my bed. I frowned, huffed and lied back down onto my stomach, until I heard a retching sound.

Slowly sitting up again, I narrowed my eyes and scrunched up my nose, stepping out of my warm bed. Slipping on my joggers as I usually slept in an oversized sweater and my underwear only, I tiptoed over to the bathroom.

"Mama," I whispered, walking over to her as she was crouched down in front of the toilet. "Mama, are you okay?" I slightly furrowed my eyebrows and stared at her, crouching down beside her.

"I'm okay, Zeph." She wiped her mouth with some toilet paper and looked at me, a soft smile appearing on her face. "Go back to sleep. You look tired."

I shook my head and looked at her in concern, "What happened?" I wondered, staring at her pale face.

"Just nauseous, sweetheart. Happens to the best of us. It's nothing." She reassured, briefly stroking my cheek, but I felt sad because of the situation, and something made me not believe her.

"Is- is it your stomach?" I briefly touched it, making her gulp. Quickly removing it because of her reaction, I gave her a skeptical look. "Mumma,"

She gave me another smile, standing up as she grabbed her toothbrush and started to brush her teeth after adding some toothpaste onto it.

I couldn't lie. I was worried, but I didn't really know how to express that in the right way, in the right words, so I simply reached for her hair as I watched her through the mirror. Playing with her golden locks, I pulled my hand away when she was done.

"Zephaniah, I'm okay, love." She pressed a kiss to my forehead and softly pushed me outside the bathroom. "Go to sleep, okay? You don't want to trigger your mind to a seizure."

"Okay," I said sadly, fiddling with my fingers as I stared at her for a while, then returned to my bedroom. But as I noticed her getting back into the bathroom, I couldn't help but make my way over to Baba.

Entering their room, I saw him sleeping deeply, soft snores leaving his mouth. I stared at him for a while, playing with my fingers as I didn't know how to wake him. Looking up, I noticed that some paint was wearing off, making me frown.

The sound of their clock was different from mine, and I wondered how dad could sleep through it, as it was rather loud to me. But then again, he probably heard it differently, he always did.

Baba turned around, waking me up from my distracting thoughts. "Zeph?" He mumbled sleepily, making me aware of the whole situation going on again.

"Baba, is mama sick?" I whispered, crouching down in front of the bed so I could see his face.

"Why?" He answered shortly, making me gulp, but then I realised he was probably still sleepy, he had told me that before. Not mad.

"She is throwing up, uhm, now?" I fiddled with my fingers and looked into baba's eyes, who rubbed them tiredly.

He rolled onto his back and briefly looked at his left side, sitting up after that. "Hannah?" He said loudly, making me flinch and fall down onto my bum, leaving my crouching- down position. "Sorry, Zeph."

"It is fine," I whispered, looking up when mum came back into the room, crawling back into bed.

"I'm okay, Zayn. Zephaniah, go to sleep. Sleep deprivation isn't helping you," She said quietly, her back facing baba.

I was even more worried now, because things didn't seem right, but baba didn't seem to notice it, which upset me even more. Quickly standing up, I gave Baba a pleading look, but he simply gave me a soft smile.

So, I walked out of their room and closed the door, walking over to my own room while I felt tears prickling behind my eyes. I quickly wiped them off, though, and lied down onto my stomach, staring into Cooper's soft brown eyes.

He eyed me curiously and licked my hand as I tried to pet his head. "Cooper," I whispered, feeling extremely confused and rather sad because of mum. But, I didn't know how to express it, so I simply petted Cooper's head until I fell back asleep.

Four hours, after. It couldn't be that I had slept for four hours, no way. I was feeling too tired for that.

"Zeph, get out of bed, your alarm has been going off for a while." Baba's voice ringed through my head, a closing door after that. I sat up instantly, anxiously staring at the clock. It took me a while to process what time it was, and I gulped when I saw it was five minutes later than I usually got up.

Removing the duvets from my body, goosebumps appeared on my skin at the loss of warmth. I walked over to the bathroom and did my usual routine, came back and got dressed. High waisted denim jeans and a simple white t-shirt.

Dad said he used to have a similar outfit, and that was enough for me to wear it. Pulling them up a bit more, I stared at myself through the mirror, my green eyes looking dull and tired.

I pursed my lips and licked them afterwards, staring at my face for a while.

Just, Zephaniah.

Cooper nudged my hand and jogged over to the stairs, making clear I had to go down. I picked up my backpack and made my way downstairs, following Cooper into the kitchen.

"Good morning, bud. Slept well?" Dad asked as he placed a plate in front of me after I took a seat at the table.

Shrugging, I folded my hands and eyed my breakfast. Toast and Nutella.

"Words, Zeph."

"Fine," I answered politely, looking up at him. "How's mama?"

Baba smiled by himself and shrugged as well, cleaning the kitchen counter.

"Words, Dad."

He turned around instantly, chuckling as he eyed me. "Wild, Zephy. Mum is fine, just.. an upset stomach, I think. Don't worry about it, okay?"

Wild? I thought by myself. It wasn't a wrong thing to say, right? He said it to me, after all. I uncertainly looked at him, but prayed for my breakfast and started eating after that, opening my medication box.

Taking two anti-epileptics out, I placed them on my tongue and swallowed them away with a sip of water, making me shiver each time. "She was, uhm, pale, though." I hesitated.

"Yeah, but.." He stopped again, and I got a little irritated, feeling upset about the fact that they were both being so extremely unclear. I couldn't quite handle that, my mind not being able to process and connect the information too well, so I couldn't help but frown at my father as he glanced at me.

"She's staying home, though. I'll bring you to Uni today, yeah?" He said after a while, sitting down at the table as he took a sip of his damping tea.

Swallowing my mouthful, I looked up at him and frowned again, processing his words. "She would help me at the- but,"

"I know, Zephaniah. The situation is unclear, and there's a change, but you'll be fine, okay? Trust me." He ruffled my hair as he walked past me and though I felt relieved about the fact that he understood me, I also couldn't help but feel upset still.

"Did you w-walk Cooper?" I asked when he sat back down again, with a bowl of yogurt now, though. And cereal, mixed together. I shivered, not understanding why people ate it that way. The different structures were awful. Well, in my opinion, and my opinion was usually different.

Baba nodded, giving me a warm smile, "I always do in the evening, Zephaniah, you know that."

"Yeah, but, I did- I did not hear you," I mentioned quietly, feeling ashamed for my own controllable behaviour. Confirmation was just important for me. I trusted dad, it wasn't that- it was just something inside my mind, something I couldn't quite explain.

I would've rather walked him myself in the evening, but it was simply too late for me. I needed eight hours of sleep, and I needed a sleep schedule that was the same each day, mostly because of my Epilepsy. Sleep deprivation was one of the biggest triggers to induce a seizure.

"You were fast asleep, Zeph." Baba pointed at Cooper, "He knows. He quietly lied down beside your bed again."

I hummed, and tiredly rubbed my eyes, finishing my last piece of toast. "Thanks, baba, for the, uhm, breakfast."

Dad ruffled my hair as he took the dishes to the kitchen counter, placing them in the dishwasher. "Of course, Zeph. Hey, your mum told me about a girl helping you in the library. Maybe you can ask her again now that mum is sick?"

I gave him a look, frowning lightly.

"What?" He chuckled, attaching Cooper to his leash. "Asking for help is never a bad thing, Zephaniah. You know that." He then said, his expression softening.

"Mama's wise words," I mumbled. "If only there was an instruction on how- how to do so," I whispered quietly. Baba didn't hear.

After breakfast, I walked and fed Cooper, hopped into the car beside my father and arrived at Uni not much later, my heart thumping at the busy crowd walking inside.

Taking a deep breath, I simply wore my headphones to reduce the loud noises and waited, until the crowd became smaller, the area around the main entrance clearer. I didn't know where Tara was, but she had been ignoring my texts in the morning ever since the first week was over.

It made me feel extremely insecure for several reasons, but I tried not to let it get to me that much. Entering alone, I immediately made my way over to my locker, where I took out all of my books and stuffed them inside my bag, not wanting to forget one, even if I didn't need all the books today.

We started with the Philosophy lecture today, so I headed over to the lecture hall and swallowed when I stood in front of a closed door.

Way to go, Zeph. Great, just great.

The nerves started to flow throughout my body, my cheeks already coloring red and my hands becoming clammy.

Should I knock? Should I just walk inside?

Baba, why? The door is closed now. I'm too late, I'm too late.

Playing with the straps of my backpack, I simply stared at the door and got lost in thoughts, wondering why mumma had been retching almost every morning, and why dad seemed to be so casual about it.

Which reminded me, I still needed to buy them a present. Saturday would come soon, and I still had to text my grandmother if I wanted to join her or not. What should I do?

"Zephaniah? I told you to come inside. The door was closed to keep it cool in here. The weather has been warm lately, hasn't it?" The professor rambled, making me frown instantly because I couldn't follow what he was saying, at all.

"Don't be so rude, cheer up a little!" He joked, confusing me as he pouted, then raised his eyebrow.

Rude? Why was I rude?

"Sit down, Zephaniah, we're starting." He then said with a bored expression, pointing at the rows of chairs in front of us.

Nodding quickly as I was afraid he was mad at me, I stepped upon the small steps and tried to ignore the eyes of the peers that were practically boring right through my body.

I smiled when I noticed Tara, but she didn't bother to return it and simply pointed at the empty row behind her. I didn't know why, but I listened to her and sat down on my own, staring down at all the other loud and busy students.

"Alright, alright, peers. I get it, you all have got a lot to talk about in the morning, but please save it for your break and listen to me. Today we're listening to.."

I already trailed off, my eyes wandering through the huge hall, being distracted by the busy paintings on the wall, the soft chatting of some students and other unnecessary noises that I couldn't filter out.

Someone had their volume up, her aggressive typing bothering me as each time she hit a letter, her phone would make a sound. Someone else was ticking its pen, not forgetting to mention that it wasn't the same rhythm as the ticking of the huge clock that hung above the board.

Luke was flipping through his notebook, Norah zipping up her backpack, Abel uncapping his water bottle, Tara giggling.

All these noises were starting to become louder and louder for me, and I felt as if I was going to lose it soon. Because, a moment later, a student sat down beside me and the space on these chairs wasn't big, making her arm touch mine.

It bothered me, even irritated me and I felt like crying. I was exhausted because of the broken night already, and the day had started only now.

And then, I saw Haven.

~~~

What's up with Hannah??

What do you think of Zeph with his Autism? Do you understand him better when you look back at little zeph? When whats going through his head at times?

Info;

When Zephaniah, someone with autism, gets too many, or unclear, impressions, they have even more trouble processing the information, and giving it a true meaning. Because it already gets slower as usual, it is hard for them to keep up in situations.

The teacher was rambling, Zephaniah couldn't follow it- he was too busy focusing and trying to process what the teacher had just said. This can cause that it looks as if the person with autism isn't listening to you, and pulls expressions that may seem as if he's interested. People may think they are just being rude.

Obviously it's not the case, so Zephaniah doesn't understand at all why he's being called rude, because he was just listening?