Haven

After our philosophy lecture, I walked straight over to the library as I needed some quiet time and perhaps, some thing to sign up for. The first few days had been pretty overwhelming myself, honestly admitting that. I had made quite some contact with a lot of peers, and finally settled- the girls I got along with at first became my friends. Ittarah and Norah.

They called me chatty, I thought the same of them. They called me outgoing, which I could quite understand, and they had told me that I was a good listener, a good helper when it came to assignments and whatsoever.

Now, that was something I didn't want to confirm about myself, but as they had told me I had to think about signing myself up for the program the man (on the introduction evening) had told us about, I actually did think about that.

The lectures weren't too hard for me, they were okay. Of course, I had to study for my things, but it was clear to me, in a way that I could explain things to other students as well. The signing up had to be done in the library, as that would be the place to help the other students.

Hesitating when I stood in front of the right room, I nibbled on my bottom lip and peeked inside. Should I do it? Should I not? What was wisdom in this situation?

I internally groaned and played with a loose strand of hair, twirling it around my finger. Okay, Haven. If the door opens within one minute, you're going to do it. Smiling, I knew no one was going to open the door in one minute, anyway. I mean, that'd be coincidence, wouldn't it?

Apparently not, because not even ten seconds later, the large door creaked open, and a few soft chattering students left the place, holding the door open for me.

Seriously?

Sighing, I simply walked inside and shrugged off my thoughts. I had always liked helping people, it wouldn't harm anything. And if so, in some way, I could always stop.

Playing with the straps of my bag, I watched the young woman behind her desk as she helped other students. Dimples were visible as she gave the students a smile, her brown eyes seeming soft. I sighed in relief, as she seemed to be friendly.

"Hello, can I do something for you?" She smiled softly, her dimples once again deepening. She was a pretty woman, and for a moment I wished we could trade lives. I mean, working in a library and looking good? I couldn't quite relate.

I took a step towards her as the students left, smiling when we made eye contact. "Hi! I'm Haven. I wanted to sign myself up for the buddy project? To help the students that struggle with.. some things." I said, uncertainly, as I didn't quite remember what the man, introduction evening, had explained us.

"Oh, sure! That's very nice, Haven. I'm Miss Hannah, by the way, but call me Hannah, please." She introduced, still smiling as she opened a folder with loads of papers. "So, it's not that official, sorry about that, but it's because we don't have that many students that signed up for the needed help. Probably because they're still finding their ways through their new education, which makes me wonder if you're available on Wednesday's afternoon after one?"

My timetable flew through my head for a split second, and I nodded. "Yeah, totally."

"Great!" Hannah smiled, glancing behind her for a moment. "Because there's a few students here on Wednesday afternoon that come here to study, trying to figure things out themselves. I had informed them about this program, but they were still thinking about it."

"He asked for my help, but over five hundred new books came in today, and I really need to sort them out. Would you mind helping him?" Hannah asked, pointing in a direction that led to a guy sitting at the table, hands in his hair, papers neatly piled up, though it looked like he had no idea of what to do.

"Yeah, that's fine." I smiled, feeling excited, yet slightly nervous.

"Thank you, sweetheart. Good luck! And don't hesitate to pull at my sleeve if you need any help yourself." Hannah gave me another smile and left, to go sort the many books that had arrived.

Walking over to the table the guy was sitting at, I simply sat down across him, placing my bag on the floor and playing with my bracelet, as he still didn't look up. "Hey," I said quietly, causing his head to move up.

Zephaniah.

His cheeks colored rosy right away, and I wondered why, but let it be. "Zephaniah, right?" I smiled, secretly staring at his emerald eyes, that, again, caught my attention right away.

The guy nodded, "Yeah.." He hesitated. "Uhm, He-Heaven?" He stammered with his soft voice, looking down as he wasn't able to hold his eye contact with me.

I couldn't help but let out a soft laugh, though it also made me melt, a tad bit. "It's Haven, but you can call me Heaven if you'd like."

"Oh," Zephaniah chuckled, shaking his head. His expression changed soon after, it becoming serious, though he nibbled on his bottom lip, not saying anything.

"You're in my study group," I mentioned, observing his expression. "We haven't really talked before.. What do you think of Uni, so far?" I wondered, trying a small talk first before moving onto his work, he needed help for.

He parted his lips, a soft sigh leaving his mouth. "Uhm," He then licked his lips, briefly glancing at me. "Good." Zephaniah said quietly after a moment of silence.

"Me too, it's okay." I agreed, though I felt slightly disappointed that he didn't try to talk back. Was I really that lame? Or would he have his own, different, reasons for that? "So, uhm, Hannah, the woman from the library, told me that you needed help with your work. Can I do something for you?"

Zephaniah frowned and glanced at the desk, his gaze lingering on there for quite some time. "Hannah? She- she said she would help me," He mumbled, glancing at me again.

"Yeah, she told me that too." I answered softly, "but she asked me if I could help instead. She had to sort five hundred books. It'll probably take a while." I chuckled, but secretly felt insecure. Didn't he want me to help him? What was the reason?

He hummed quietly and I saw how he blinked his eyes a little faster, the fringe that stuck to his eyelashes moving lightly because of it. "Okay," He whispered and shrugged, staring at his notebook.

Grabbing his water bottle, I watched him as he took a few sips and glanced at me, not saying anything. He neatly placed his bottle back onto the table, in the right corner, and started biting his fingernails, staring at the table.

"So," I started again, not really knowing what to ask. He seemed to be as quiet and reserved as he was in class, and though it interested me, it also made the situation slightly harder. "Can I help you?"

Zephaniah stayed quiet for a minute or so long, and though it didn't look like he was purposefully ignoring me, at all, it still made me feel even more insecure, which was rare for me. Until he suddenly looked up and stared at me for a brief moment, awkwardly shoving his notebook towards me.

"Uhm, t-the questions." He said quietly, voice barely above a whisper.

I internally smiled, and felt super relieved, excited instantly as he finally seemed to be warming up a little more. "Oh! I can totally help you with that. So, did you understand the assignment?"

Zephaniah looked a little surprised, for reasons I didn't quite understand, but it didn't matter. He looked in thoughts as he stared at the ceiling, revealing his long, black, eyelashes. "Five questions. Philosophical.. ones." He said.

"Yeah, so, did you have any in mind already?" I questioned, scribbling something down on my own notebook, as his one seemed to be very neat, and I didn't want to ruin that.

Zephaniah stayed completely silent after that, though his lips moved slightly. It looked like he was talking in mind, and I so wondered what was going on in there. "They.. they're not so good."

"Who said that?" I frowned, observing him.

"No one?" He said uncertainly, glancing at me with slight confusion visible on his face.

"So, tell me. Which question did you have? I can tell you have some in mind," I tried, hoping to trigger him to talk.

Zephaniah looked up when a student walked past, his eyes lingering in that direction for a while, though he wasn't looking at the student anymore. "My dog, uhm, was sick.. in the night." He said, his cheeks tinting pink as he glanced at me again.

"Really?" I frowned sadly, but secretly wondered why he told me this, so randomly. Not that I minded, though, because he finally said something himself. "Did that give you any inspiration for questions?" I asked, not knowing why else he would've said it.

"No," He gave me a not- understanding look. "Made me tired," He mumbled out.

"Oh," I hesitated, not really knowing what to say. "I'm sorry."

Zephaniah sighed and rested his cheek in his hand, staring at his notebook. "Cannot con-concentrate so well," he admitted, frowning at himself for some reasons.

"It's okay," I told him, still observing him. "Do you want to work on those questions still? Or would you rather be alone?" I asked sincerely, not wanting to bother him. He probably had his reasons for staying so quiet and reserved, as well. Perhaps his stammering at times, though it wasn't anything bad.

He frowned at me, and shoved his notebook towards me again. Glancing at it, I could see he had made a to-do-list, 'homework questions' being the first one, lunch after that.

"I see." I smiled at him, making him look away. "Tell me the first question that popped into your mind,"

"What if a bird is being born with the fear of- of heights, will it be able to fly?" Zephaniah whispered, playing with his pen.

I smiled again, pointing at his notebook. "Why is that a bad question? That is interesting! What else did you have?"

"Uhm," Zephaniah looked up and gave a small smile in Hannah's direction, who returned it. I wondered if their bond was close already, as it seemed like she knew him well, and he knew her well. "I wanted to, uhm, change it to 'If we w-were birds, would we feel afraid of heights'." He hesitated, secretly glancing at me.

"Why not write down the both of them? They're both good, I promise you." I reassured him, actually surprised at his questions as they were good, I wasn't lying.

I thought that was the most interesting thing about Philosophy. Everyone interpreted things their own way, had their own creative minds. No one was alike, and that made it all so fascinating in my opinion.

Zephaniah wrote the questions down and smiled a little, brushing his hand over the page he had just written on. "Tara did not want to help me," He admitted, looking at me for a brief second.

"Why not?" I asked, staring at his feathered hair. It looked soft, and pure black.

"Said I had to do things myself but- but it's not bad? Asking for help. Mum always says so," He shrugged, closing his notebook and stuffing it into his ocher yellow looking backpack.

I nodded, smiling at him, and perhaps even innocently admiring him as he was as fascinating as Philosophy was. "It really isn't bad." Standing up as I figured he was done, I wondered what he thought about this. "Did I pass the first lesson?"

Zephaniah stood up and looked at me in confusion for a few seconds, then moved his attention to his backpack, "Uhm, I don't remember. We did not have an exam, I think."

"What?" I frowned myself, staring back at him, even when his full attention was on his backpack now, removing non-existent fluffs. Then it hit me, and I couldn't help but smile again, though tried to hide it. "I meant, this. I'm sort of your buddy now? Did I pass the first lesson as in, can I stay and be your buddy for another time?"

"Oh," Zephaniah chuckled softly, blushing. "Sure. If you, uhm, want to."

"Definitely. Lunch time, right?" I grinned, pointing to his notebook, where his lists and timetables were written in.

Zephaniah nodded, his lips curling up slightly.

"You want to sit with the group for once?" I wondered, knowing he did sit near us, but never fully as he never fully mixed him into the conversations either. He was always quietly eating away five sandwiches, observing his surroundings, unconsciously pulling expressions that made me want to look at him longer than five seconds.

"I might," he answered politely, then left.

~~~

So, Haven helped Zephaniah out.. what do you think of Haven's behaviour towards Zephaniah?

Zephaniah himself?

Fact;

Okay, so in this chapter I wanted to bring out the different mind sets people have with and without autism. At one point, Zephaniah says that his dog was sick in the night. For him, it's obvious that that means he couldn't sleep well and was therefore- tired.

For Haven, this was quite unclear because she didn't link a sick dog, to not sleeping well at night and therefore being tired.

When Haven asked if she had passed the first lesson, we would understand what she meant, because it's more of a joke/ saying. Zephaniah, took it literally and thought about the very first lesson they had had at university. He did not remember that they had an exam or anything, so how would she pass? He didn't understand what Haven was talking about.

I hope this is clear. If not, please tell me!