Zephaniah

"Ben jij ziek? Mama zegt dat je ziek bent." A little hand touched my forehead, I frowned at the coldness, immediately waking from my restless sleep.

Opening my eyes, I pressed my palms to them for a brief moment, eyeing a strange, little boy. It startled me, but I was too exhausted to sit up straight and observe him, too hazy to think clearly.

"Gaat het goed?" He said, the unknown language- to me- not making any sense at all. He touched my forehead again, resting his finger against his chin as he looked thoughtful. "Hmm. Misschien moet mama de dokter bellen."

Mama was the only word I could make out, my eyes closing again. They were too heavy to keep open, even if I was extremely confused as where I had slept. Who's room was this? What happened? Recalling the seizure from last night, I had slipped in a daze after I had tried to wash myself.

After that, I truly didn't know what had happened. It scared me, it made me want to flap my hands, but since I had used all of my strength during my seizures, my hands wouldn't even move anymore. They hurt, they were cramping. My tongue felt swollen, everything limp but heavy.

The little, blonde boy shrugged, his blue eyes falling onto my face for one more time. "Ik ga naar school. Doei!" His little feet padded against the floor, the slamming of his bedroom door waking me up a little more, only to fall back into exhaustion.

My eyes kept falling closed- I couldn't keep them open. That alone, frustrated me. Tears welled up in my eyes. I felt miserable, I just wanted to be home with my parents and Cooper. Keeping my eyes closed, I got dragged back into the strange daze.

Everything twirled, bright colours appearing out of nowhere. Circles turned to squares, the different colours to black and white. Thoughts clouded my mind, several situations crossing as well.

It made me overthink, it made me sad. It needed to stop- I was exhausted.

More noises filled my ears, keeping me awake, yet tiring me out even more. They were loud, becoming louder and louder and louder until I stuffed my fingers inside my ears, wondering where my numbing headphones were.

I startled myself when I had whimpered, subconsciously. I gave up, I gave in, wanting to just fall back asleep. The door creaked, not letting me. I wondered how it could creak on its own, where was I?

"Do you want to sleep in your own bed? It's all clean now, much more quiet over there." The voice was unknown, but somehow, I agreed, needing my own, comfortable bed. She helped me up, hastily- I saw cars, trucks and firemen stuff littering the room.

I didn't like cars, I had never liked them. Where were the dogs?

Stumbling behind her, I sighed in relief when my head hit a pillow again. Except, that it wasn't my bed at all. Where were the black and white striped sheets? The softer, warm orange pillow? The warmer and not itchy covers?

"Sleep a little more. Your peers are gone already. I'm sorry you couldn't join them today.."

Join what? I was too tired, it was okay. I thought, the exhaustion not allowing my lips to push out those words. Sighing, I gave over, sleep taking me far away.

Stuffing my hands underneath my warm body, I exhaustedly opened my eyes when I heard her funny accent speak up closely to my ear. "Are you hungry, love? You have not eaten all day long and soon it will be dinner time."

Rolling over to my side, I eyed her for as far as my heavy eyelids allowed me, slowly shaking my head.

"You have to eat something." Nina gave me a sad smile, her warm hand finding its way to my cheek. She stroked it softly, it reminded me of mum. My eyes closed at the feeling, almost wanting to drift off to sleep again.

The blanket on the bed was wrapped around my bare shoulders, Nina's voice waking me each time. "Must be so hard, sweet boy. You are doing very well. My brother is autistic. I really wonder what goes through his head sometimes. You're so shy, but you're doing so well." Her voice was soothing, but her words confused me.

"The fun trip must've been nerve recking for you, or not? Seems like Haven is very fond of you. She helps you so well. A family friend has Epilepsy- she doesn't convulse as badly as you, though. Sweet boy, you go through a lot." Nina hummed, I opened my eyes and briefly glanced at her, staring at the pillow case after that.

"I'll get you some food. I hope you like cookies and milk- dinner time will be soon. I will give you a plate of proper food then. Hope it's alright." She left the room. I couldn't really recall what she had said. Rubbing my eyes roughly in order to wake myself a bit more- I stared up at the bed above me, wondering what time it actually was.

Had I slept through the whole day? Not that it didn't surprise me, I always slept a lot after I'd had seizures. I was just confused as to which day it was and what exactly had happened.

Everything had been overwhelming. I needed a break, perhaps, from something that had only just begun as well. How could I be there for her, if I couldn't even be there for myself properly? I went loose, even when I, myself, knew the best I could not do that.

Tears sprung into my eyes, I stared at my notebook. I needed to write something down and give it to her later. My head was extremely full, maybe a meltdown would come soon. I needed to do it before that would happen- not wanting to hurt her, like I had done last night with being cold.

I stared at the bed above me still, the wood having different and tiny circles with growth rings, it seemed. The one darker than the other. It was fascinating- my brain could relate to it, the daze taking me towards similar circles in my sleep.

My finger traced the circles softly, plucking some wood, that was uneven, off and secretly dropping it onto the floor. I snuggled deeper into the blankets, now tugging off fluffs that were on the mattress I had slept on. If only I could snap my fingers and get home instantly.

I snapped them, it didn't work.

Sighing, I wiped my watery eyes, feeling miserable in different aspects. My whole body was sore, my emotional state rough. I truly missed Cooper. My mind was overflowing, but I couldn't spill.

The door creaked, I noticed Nina walking inside again. She held a tray with a glass of milk, some cookies displayed onto a small plate. She placed the tray onto the nightstand that was beside my bed, crouching down in front of me.

"Here's the cookies and milk. Feel free to eat them all." Nina gave me a soft smile, I stared at her freckles rather than in her eyes. "I'll call for you when dinner is ready. Enjoy, sweet boy." She ruffled my hair, I blinked my eyes a little faster at that, feeling sensitive.

Once she had left and closed the door, I tried to sit up, my face grimacing in pain. Everything was stiff and sore, I harshly bit my lip when I stretched out my body, trying to get some of the stiffness away. It worked, slightly. Placing my pillow against the headboard, I glanced at the milk and cookies, realising they were Oreos.

Taking one off its plate, I took half of the cookie off, licking off the cream before eating the remaining cookie sides. I didn't want to dip it into the milk, hating when it would get all soggy, but I did drink it alone. I liked milk.

I finished the six cookies and big glass of milk in no time, wondering where my appetite had come from. Snuggling back down, I stared at my phone, feeling the need to talk to Dad. I really wanted to go home, the feeling was only becoming stronger and stronger. I felt so miserable, I wanted to cry, but I refused. Even the cookies hadn't made me feel better.

I squeezed my eyes closed at the brightness of my screen, worsening my headache. Somehow, I managed to find his number and pressed onto the caller icon, waiting for him to pick up. It didn't take him long- he always answered my calls.

"Zeph, hey. How are you feeling?" He asked right away, making me frown a little. "I'd been wanting to call you, but didn't want to wake you in case you were sleeping.. I'm so sorry, Zeph. When will your body or mind ever allow you to have fun, right?"

Blinking my eyes, I tried to process what he had just said, the utter confusion appearing again. "I seized last night, Baba." I said quietly, wiping my eyes.

"Haven texted me last night, she told me. I'm sorry, Zephaniah. Are you feeling better, now? Is your body aching?" His voice was loud, the background noises were busy for my mind and ears.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I decided not to dwell onto what he said about Haven, feeling too exhausted to know as to why she did that. "It's painful." Biting my bottom lip harshly to prevent myself from crying, I touched the wood above me with my fingers again, soothing me in a way. The feeling was soft and nice.

"I can imagine, Zeph.. I wish we were there to be with you. Just one day, yeah? We'll see you." He sighed a little, shushing something after that. I heard barking, but it wasn't Cooper. More barks followed, I frowned.

"That a Shepherd, Daddy. And a Chihuahua, American Staffordshire terrier." I mumbled out, resting my cheek onto the pillow.

Dad sneezed, the phone call was so messy. "Sure they are, Zeph. It's just.. busy with walking dogs today."

"Why are you walking Coop now?" I wondered tiredly, remembering Nina had said it was almost dinner time- but they ate much earlier here in the Netherlands.

"He, uhm, he needed to pee now." Baba answered, I was too tired to tell him Cooper always waited for when I was ready to walk. Something seemed off about his answer, but my aching body reminded me of something else.

"Can't you come pick- pick me up, Baba? Please." Licking my lips, I swallowed away my tears, forbidding myself to cry. If only I wouldn't be so extremely emotional- life would've been easier.

The phone ruffled, Baba hummed a little. "Oh, Zeph. I would've wanted to, but you're leaving tomorrow.. it wouldn't really make sense. It's only one night sleep, you'll make it through, I know so."

"Please, Dad." The tears now rolled down my cheeks, my mind not being able to express my emotions completely and differently. "Please, I do not want to- to be here, please."

"Zeph, I can't.. Mum hasn't been feeling well, and once I'd arrive there- you would already be on your way back home. If you go with your peers, you'd be even home earlier." He said, his voice was soft.

"But, Dad." I kicked my legs in frustration, ignoring the aching. "But, Dad, I will travel with you and- and not with them, please." I internally screamed, continuing to kick my legs in frustration. I tugged at my hair, the tears spilling uncontrollably now.

"Zephaniah, no." He sighed again, he seemed sad, making me wonder why. Did I hurt him? Why had I only hurt people on this trip so far? First Tara, Luke, then Abel, Haven and now Dad. "It's not realistic. I would've wanted to, of course, but I can't."

"Okay." I whispered, continuing to cry and kick my legs, mostly out of frustration because of my locked emotions and feelings, mostly out of misery and desperation.

"Do you want to tell me more, or are you tired?" He asked softly, reminding me of my actual state.

"Tired." I answered simply, hearing the voices of my peers filling the house.

Baba hummed, the phone ruffled lightly. "Alright, Zeph. Mama is on maternity leave, now. We'll both pick you up, okay?"

I hummed, not feeling like talking anymore. "And Coop." I added after that, realising he had forgotten him- it was too important not to say.

"I love you, Zeph. See you tomorrow. Take it easy, alright?"

As if I had a choice

~~~

Zeph.. :( what do you think he wrote down onto the note?

Him feeling so emotional, is it understandable?

The phone call with Zayn?

Let me know your thoughts!! How do you think the story will end? Only 11 chapters left now... votes and comments appreciated ❤️

Are you all holding up so far during quarantine?