Zephaniah

Fiddling with the strings of my joggers, I smiled at Cooper as I watched him, lying upside down at the edge of my bed. "How'd you see me now," I whispered, staring at his big, brown eyes that stood friendly every single minute.

Placing my feet against the wall, I gave myself a light push and slid off the bed, onto the floor in front of my sleepy dog. I brought my face close to him and smiled. "Hi,"

Cooper squinted his eyes and opened his mouth, sticking out his tongue as he breathed. I stroked his soft hairs, noticing a few grey ones sticking through the brown and black. "What do you think of me, Coop?" I whispered again, my heart jumping as I suddenly heard Baba's voice.

"Zephaniah, did you finish your work for Uni?" He wondered as he stood in the doorstep of my bedroom, a soft expression visible on his face.

I quickly stood up and sighed a little, walking over to my desk. "Got distracted. Sorry, Dad." I mumbled, my cheeks warming lightly as I picked up my pen and opened my notebook.

"It's more than okay. That's why I asked." He walked over to my desk and briefly ruffled my hair, peeking over my shoulder, into my notebook.

It might look like my father was extremely controlling over me, but, that wasn't the case. I was easily distracted, to the point where I would forget what I was doing in the first place, and wouldn't ever finish it, until someone reminded me of it.

It was annoying, as I knew this about myself, and I wished my span of concentration would be just a tad bit longer, as it happened while showering too. I would get lost into my own thoughts, my mind wandering to unnecessary things.

The one time when my parents weren't home, I had stood underneath the spray for over an hour, and when I got out- I wasn't sure if I had washed my hair or not. They weren't exactly happy with the bill that came, but they never blamed me for anything as I simply couldn't help it- something people didn't always understand.

"What do you have to do?" Dad asked as he lightly bent over me, to search for the assignment.

I simply wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. "Hug my father. What's for, uhm, dinner? And is mum sick?" Frowning, I thought about the morning, where I heard mum retch. The sound was disturbing, but I had felt bad for her.

Baba briefly glanced at me with a frown on his face, and I wondered if I had said anything wrong, though those insecure thoughts faded when he smiled. "Those questions have nothing to do with one another. Not that it matters," He chuckled, ruffling my hair again.

"Mum isn't exactly.. sick." He hesitated, I could tell by his expression. "Hey, mum's and mine anniversary is coming up soon, fancy eating cake at the outside garden store?"

I hummed, staring at the necklace my father was wearing, my fingers somehow getting tangled in it. "Always,"

"Okay, bud. Uhm, we're eating chicken soup today. Didn't really have time to cook properly." He explained, making me nod after a moment of processing his words. "But what do you have to do for Uni?"

I stared at him in confusion for a while, then understood what we were doing in the first place. Staring at my notebook, I huffed, pushing it away in frustration. "Can't do it, baba. It- it is hard."

"How so, Zeph?"

Biting my bottom lip, I shrugged.

"Words, Zephaniah."

I groaned, closing my notebook with a loud thud. "Every student has perfect questions and I- I don't- I cannot think of proper ones."

"What did I tell you about comparing yourself to others, Zeph?" Dad's expression softened as he sat down on my bed, looking at me.

"I know, but.. but I can't help it." I looked down as I tugged at my fingers, staring at my recently cut nails. They were light pink, and if I pressed on them, my skin beneath would get white. Briefly, I wondered what she skin underneath my nails would feel like.

Would it be sensitive? Would it be soft?

"Zeph, I asked you something." Baba said once I looked up.

"Sorry," I whispered, looking at him in anticipation. "What did you ask?"

"That if you have any trouble, you can always ask me and mum, yeah?" He smiled lightly, petting Cooper's head softly.

I hummed, staring at my dog.

"There's no reason to compare or feel insecure about yourself, Zephaniah. You're an intelligent and clever young man, with a super creative mind. Your questions will be great. Don't doubt yourself so much, how many times do I still need to tell?" He wondered, standing up.

Blushing, I shrugged, looking down. "Sorry," I said quietly, tugging at my joggers.

"I'm not mad, at all." Baba smiled, closing my opened notebook again and laying it aside. "You know what? Why don't you stop with your work and come downstairs to eat. Tomorrow, you can go to the library where mum can help you out, okay?"

"Uhm," I hesitated. "But baba, I always do my work before dinner time."

Dad nodded, his gaze still fixed on my face. "Today we have talked about your work before dinner. Tomorrow you will make it with mum's help. Good?"

"Good," I confirmed, though I briefly blinked a little faster. Quickly standing up, I simply told myself that I needed to pull myself together. It's not a bad change.

But it was my routine, and once-

"Zeph, mum is calling you." Dad dragged me out of my thoughts, and I quickly left my room, motioning for Cooper to follow me down the stairs.

I curiously looked at mum when she was holding the phone, a soft smile visible on her face. "Grandma,"

"Oh," I answered, taking the phone from her. "Nana," I said quietly, walking over to the window.

"Zeph, my boy. How are you doing? How's Uni?" She questioned right away, to which I needed time to process the things she just said.

"Good," I said quietly again, staring at the trees, branches slowly moving because of the slight breeze that hit them.

"Yeah? Is it really different from High School, love?" She asked more slowly, probably noticing the wait and hesitation in my voice, like she always did even when I tried to hide it.

I hummed and played with the hem of my sweater. "Is fine. Bit different, not too bad."

"Oh, that's amazing, sweetheart. Met any nice people?"

"Got a study group," I shrugged, oblivious to the fact that she wouldn't see.

Nana hummed and the different noises in the background made me frown. "That's good. Anyway, Zephaniah, the reason why I'm calling is that your mum and dad's anniversary is coming up. Did you have any presents in mind? I was thinking if you didn't, we could go to the shops on Saturday."

I blinked my eyes and parted my lips slightly, staring at the clouds that passed by. "I don't have it in mind. A present. Mum and dad don't ever know." I chuckled, glancing at them.

Baba chuckled as well, and simply pushed me into the kitchen, separating me from them. I wondered why, as I didn't understand why he did that.

"So do you want to go to the shop, love? Or is it too much? Last time went fine," She said, her voice soft, almost soothing.

Truth was, I disliked shopping, but grandma always knew where to find the quiet and small shops, therefore always helped me with it.

"Uhm, okay." I shrugged again, peeking into the pan with soup, smelling the chicken. "So good," I mumbled.

"What is, Zeph?"

"Chicken soup," I answered politely, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"That, for sure. I got to hang now, love. Zarah, your cousin, is over today." I thought I could hear her smile. It made me smile too.

"Okay, bye, Grandma. Love you," I whispered the last two words quickly. I felt my cheeks and heart warming when she returned the few words. We hung up, and I walked back into the living room, playing with the bracelet Uncle Samuel had given me some time ago.

"Did I do some- something wrong?" I questioned quietly, intensely staring at the bracelet.

Mumma smiled at me, "No, Zeph. But you were talking about presents, right?"

I hummed. "For you and baba."

Dad smiled as well, his arm that hung around mumma's neck reaching out to my hand. I let him grab ahold of me, walking over to them. "So.."

I looked at him in confusion, my eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know,"

"It should be a surprise.."

"Oh," I simply answered, not really understanding his point. They always got a present from me, so what made the difference from last year? It made me sad, that I couldn't always understand what they were thinking or saying, as I interpreted things differently.

Quietly sitting down on the couch, I played with my bracelet still, glancing at my parents.

Mum smiled fondly at me, her gaze fixed on my face. "Do you have a nice study group, Zeph?"

"Three boys. Uhm, four, when you count me too. Two girls." I shrugged, smiling when we made eye contact. "Fine people."

"Yeah? Do you get along with those boys?" She questioned, taking a sip of her hot, damping tea.

I wanted to lie, wanted to say how well I got along with them, because I knew that mum and dad had always wanted for me to fit in, as they knew people could be harsh. But, I couldn't lie. Baba taught me I wasn't ever supposed to, and since it was a bad thing anyway, I tried not to do it.

Guilt would eat me up alive if I ever did.

I parted my lips to say something, but I didn't know what. "Uhm, they like parties."

"Oh," mum nodded her head, "You don't like them."

"No," I whispered, calling Cooper's name and smiling at him as he laid his front paws onto my lap, licking my cheek. "It is fine, mumma. I don't- I don't mind studying on my own."

"Yeah," She smiled sadly as she briefly touched my cheek.

"What about those girls, then? Are they pretty?" Baba wiggled his eyebrows and I blushed, then frowned after a while.

"When is someone pretty, baba?" I wondered, looking up at my parents.

Dad stayed silent for a while, searching for words. "Good question, Zeph. I think everyone interprets that differently. I found mama very pretty,"

He brought his face closer to her and pressed his lips against hers, making me scrunch up my nose. "Her beautiful golden hair, light brown eyes and her dimples that appeared when she smiled."

I stared at mum, who was rolling her eyes playfully and shoving dad away. "Get off me, Zayn." She chuckled.

"So, uhm, it is defined by her hair and eyes?" I asked, staring up at the ceiling as I thought about the two girls in my study group. It wasn't like I was stupid when it came to that- of course I knew when I thought a girl was pretty, I was just curious how dad interpreted it.

Would it be so different from my own mind?

"Not exactly," dad shrugged. "Personality is the most important thing, though, looks do attract you at times in the first place. Among other things, you'll feel your heart beat, your cheeks might color and you'll automatically think it."

"Oh," I had never liked a girl. Of course I had seen pretty girls before, but it weirdly enough didn't make me like them. Or wasn't that supposed to happen after one time?

I didn't know.

All I did know was that I was very awkward, so why would girls ever bother? I understood them, as I disliked some things about myself too. I wish I could act more like a stabilized man, and less like an insecure one.

"You didn't think they were pretty, then?" Dad grinned, mum shoving him away.

"Zayn, stop." She chuckled, shaking her head playfully.

I thought about the girls in my study group. Norah and.. and, Heaven?

She had brown hair, blue eyes that I had seen right after opening my eyes after the seizure, a small nose, rosy cheeks and a small freckle on one of her cheekbones. Oh, and miss- shot earrings.

Was that my definition of pretty?

~~~

Just a chapter with Zayn and Hannah..
What do you think of them as parents now? Zephaniah and his concentration?
Do you recognize little zeph in him still?

Let me know!

Fact:

When we pay attention, we focus on one thing and put other things out of our minds. For example, we listen to what someone is saying while ignoring other conversations and background noise in the room. Paying attention uses particular networks in the brain. To pay attention well, we need to be alert. This allows us to sort out the right information from our surroundings and put this information together

People with autism can find it hard to filter out distractions sometimes, which makes it hard for them to pay attention. They can easily get distracted by background noise, bright lights, hunger, thirst, etc.