Haven

The Albert Cuypmarkt was the biggest day market in the Netherlands. The market was named after Albert Cuyp, a painter from the seventeeth century. Zephaniah had wondered if someday, a street would be named after me, he thought I looked artsy. I had laughed at that, even when he had sounded so genuine.

I wore high waisted, denim flared jeans, a Vincent van Gogh shirt I had bought yesterday on top of that. My hair was let down as always- it was too short to do something with it except for a palm tree looking ponytail. The weather was pretty warm today, therefore no jackets were needed.

It was extremely crowded, tourists strolling through the streets, some suddenly stopping to observe the products they had laid out on the stalls. There was too much to see, too much to smell. It reminded me of the market we had in my hometown once a month, though it wasn't to compare when you looked at how big and busy this one was.

Cheese was sold almost every ten stalls, Dutch delicacies such as herring with raw onions that people held up above their heads, sinking it into their mouths, pancakes with sugar or something that looked like thick syrup, stroopwafels- some sort of waffles that were very popular- there was too much to choose from.

"I kinda want to save the best for last. What if it's so good? Nothing would be able to beat it afterwards, which would only be a disappointment." I said, thoughtfully as I stared at the stroopwafels, that seemed too good to be real- we hadn't even talked about the smell that lingered around the stall yet.

"Agreed. Let's try herring, it seems fun to eat." Tara implied, looking up at Luke who nodded in response.

"Let's stink out of our mouths, delicious when it comes to kissing." He grinned, pressing his lips to Tara's ones. Norah cheered, so did Louis. Abel simply chuckled, while Zephaniah stared at the both of them with a frown on his face, sighing when he looked away. I silently agreed with him, wondering when it had become this official.

"PDA much?" Abel shoved Luke away, the two of them starting to fight, tourists glaring at them. Tara rolled her eyes and separated both boys, scolding them while the boys simply laughed, Luke bringing his pouting lips up to her cheek.

Luke reached for his wallet, glancing at us. "I'll pay, if you pay me back later. Who wants it?" Some raised their hands, Louis practically screamed that he wanted one as well. "Hiya, I'd like six herrings with raw onions, please."

I frowned, counting seven when he included himself. "Luke, there's seven of us."

Luke rolled his eyes, pointing at Zephaniah. "That autistic creature doesn't talk. I wouldn't know if he wanted one, so yeah, excluded him."

"Luke!" I frowned deeply at him, staring into his eyes for as long as it took him to look away. "You're such a.." I stopped, looking into the woman's eyes that was still hesitating about the order. "Make it seven, please."

"No problem. That would be seventeen euros, please." She answered simply, handing us the herring in no time. Luke slapped it into Zephaniah's hands, glaring at him while turning around so his back was facing him.

Zephaniah eyes lingered on Luke's back for a while, after that he wore his numbing headphones and awkwardly stood near the group. We made eye contact, I waved him over. Once he stood beside me, he simply played with the onions, Luke and Louis already having devoured the fish.

I wondered if everything was too much for him. Even I felt rather cramped, being squeezed into the mass of people that visited the market at this very moment. He had almost lost it yesterday at Dam Square, and it hadn't been this busy. Part of me wanted to hold his hand again, it had calmed him down yesterday, even when he had quickly let go of it after he came back to his senses. But I knew I couldn't do it again.

Besides, Tara and Luke were here, they'd never leave him alone.

I gave him a smile instead, which he half- heartedly returned. It made me feel sad, yesterday had been so nice. I felt more attached to him, in some strange ways. As if now, I'd never be able to let him go anymore. He was anxious most of the time, but he felt safe. I wondered if he felt safe with me too.

I glanced up at him. His eyes blinked faster, his left hand flapping but when Abel glanced at him, he stopped right after. He hid his autism, it was clear, and that made me sad. How much energy would it take for him to do that? His eyes quickly scanned the whole area, flickering between different tourists and stalls, products and foods.

"Zeph, let's try it the dutch way?" I nudged his arm, whispering softly. Zephaniah looked surprised, his eyes flickering towards several things.

"What?"

"The herring." I smiled at him, reminding myself I needed to be specific with him. "You hold it up like that.." I showed him, holding the herring above my head, "..then open your mouth and just eat it like that. Don't choke, though." I laughed a little, Zephaniah's eyes squinted.

Taking a bite out of the herring, I pulled a face, suddenly being reminded why I wasn't so fond of fish meat. "Oh, goodness." I coughed, trying to clear my throat. "Okay, no, not a fan. It seemed fun, but it tastes too much like fish."

"Well.." Zephaniah said awkwardly, swallowing down his fish. "It is fish." He hesitated, glancing at me.

"Yeah, it is." I laughed, looking up at him. "You're right. I could've known, I guess." His eyes squinted again, he silently ate the remaining of his fish. I let him, in peace as he wore his numbing headphones. Sometimes staring at him, trying to make it seem casual.

"Have!" Norah dragged me back to reality, her finger pointing at a specific direction. "Nine streets, if we take the tram we can get there! We should go to there, you know what it is, yeah?"

Of course I did. Nine cosy shopping streets of Amsterdam, near the canals.

"We should!" I cheered, feeling more excited now. Glancing at Zephaniah again, I noticed he was slowly chewing on his herring, not touching the onions. Perhaps, he didn't like them. He was engrossed with his food, however, I was still sure it would be less crowded at nine streets, therefore, a little calmer for him as well.

Tapping his shoulder, his eyes shot up and he removed his headphones. "Do you want to go to nine streets? They're small shopping streets near the canals. It would be less busy than here.. maybe you'll like it there better? I mean, not making assumptions but it is kinda busy here. Even I feel overwhelmed." I chuckled carefully, sighing when I realised what I had blurted out again.

"Okay." He answered simply, nodding his head.

"You should, you're always wearing trash. Thrift shop clothing, aren't they?" Luke joked, but I didn't laugh. His comment didn't hurt me either, I simply didn't care about it or him. "Strange fashion, if I can even call it fashion."

"Luke! That isn't nice." Tara rolled her eyes, I wanted to do the same at her. Defending me for my clothes, but not your own cousin when he was being pestered? Yeah, made a lot of sense. Note to sarcasm.

Once we walked off towards the tram, Zephaniah touched me, his fingers pressing into my arm. "Have?"

"Yeah?" I answered, my heart fluttering at the name, again.

"I think your clothes are cool." He said quietly, fiddling with his fingers. "Strange, maybe but- but it has something, you know? Diversity yet simplicity. It fits you."

Detailed words, it made me look up at him. "Thank you, Zeph." I gave him a warm smile, somewhere deep down, feeling shy, which confused me. When was I ever? "Do you feel comfortable traveling in the tram?"

"I- I don't know. Haven't done anything else than leaving my- my comfort zone these days, it's fine. I have no choice." He mumbled quietly, flinching a little when someone came into his personal space, the honking of the tram startling him.

I tried to hear what was being heard. Trams, people, animals, honking, footsteps, laughter, chatter, barking, cooing, music and even more. What a chaos it must be in his head right now. We hadn't talked about what we could see and smell yet. It made me feel sad. "You can wear your headphones, it's okay."

He was right. He had no choice. His autism hampered him, it was clear, and it was sad. What else could he do to protect himself? Stay at the guest house? No wonder he hadn't looked forward to the trip. Besides, Cooper wasn't there to make him feel safe, but at least I could try..

It was risky, I knew it was, but once we were stuffed inside the tram with way too many tourists, my body squeezed between the mass, I reached for his hand and held it with a firm grip, noticing he liked that better. Zephaniah looked surprised, he wanted to pull his hand away in reflex, but once his eyes lingered on my hand, over my arm, to my eyes, he relaxed and bit his upper lip to hide his smile when he looked away.

I smiled by myself, my gaze lingering on him.

We all breathed out in relief when we had arrived at nine streets, our hands losing contact. The warm and fluttering feeling didn't.

It was just to comfort him, Haven. Nothing more. I told myself, not completely knowing if Zephaniah did experience it with different meanings. He didn't seem to, it only made him feel more at ease like his parents had told me, but then again, seem wasn't trustworthy.

But then again, again, he could be very affectionate and touchy and meant it as being friendly, the balance was off for him, as his Dad had explained.

I sighed deeply. Thoughts were tiring, and surely not always helping. Especially not now it was rather warm today. My cheeks felt heated, I couldn't wait to swim- the guest family had told us they could take us to a small lake not far from them later today. We had today to spend free time, which meant it didn't matter where you went or what you did, although William would like to know what we were up to today.

Nine streets was an extremely cosy place. The streets were small, however, still a lot of shops were located. From foods and drinks, to jewelry, clothes, art and vintage things. There was enough variety. It was busy, but when wasn't it in the capitals of countries? At least it wasn't as packed as the Albert Cuypmarkt had been.

I stopped at another vintage shop, my eyes widening as they fell onto the clothes section. "Oh, Ittarah, I'm going inside here." I said, noticing they all walked further, except for Zephaniah, who had stayed close to me ever since we had left the tram.

"Bye, Haven." She rolled her eyes. "Not again. Keep your phone with you, we'll meet somewhere again. We wanted to get some food."

"Uh, okay." I answered, secretly thinking why I was forced into twenty make- up shops already and she wouldn't stop for the second vintage shop. It was whatever, I guess. "Do you mind?" I turned my face to Zephaniah, who looked down with such a warm expression. Flutters appeared, I wondered if they were getting ahead of me.

"I don't mind, Haven." He said simply, making me sigh, but in a good way only. He did so much for other people, even if it were small things, yet nobody ever gave him something in return. It saddened me.

Walking inside, my eyes fell onto mom jeans- a white shirt with the Starry Night painting of van Gogh printed onto it as well. Glancing at the shirt I was wearing now, I looked up at Zephaniah, who was secretly touching the fabric of some pants, then quickly dropped his hand when the co worker glanced our way. It made me smile.

"Hey, Zeph. Do you think it would be too much if I bought this? I already have a Vincent shirt but this is Starry Night, and currently I have his self portrait on." I bit my lip, thinking about it. The shirt was only three euros, which wasn't expensive at all.

Zephaniah's eyes lingered on the shirt I was wearing, flickering towards the one I was holding after a while. "Is not too much." He narrowed his eyes a little, his lips parting. "Think it would reflect your eyes. The blue, you know? I mean your eyes look- look like the sky, other people might say ocean, but the twinkling is like stars." He said simply, so quietly.

I stayed silent for a while, not really knowing what to say. A rarity, Jude would call it.

"That's sweet of you to say." I smiled, my cheeks warming lightly. Zephaniah gave me a smile back. I decided to take it, his compliment was engraved into it now. And I don't think I'd ever forget the way he was so open, the fact that he was talking so smoothly now.

Zephaniah stared at the shoe section, his eyes lingering on a specific pair. "Do you want to try them on?" I wondered.

He gulped a little. "I- I don't know. I've always had these, never tried that." He pointed at his slip on shoes, looking away after that. "Do you think.." He trailed off, never finishing his sentence.

Grabbing the old skool Vans, I sat down on one of the chairs they had standing in their shop, very vintage as well, by the way, and placed them on my lap. "You can try them on. You don't have to buy them, you know? You can get used to the feeling.. see if you like them on you. I personally love these Vans."

Zephaniah sat down as well, hesitating before he brushed his fingers over the fabric and the laces. I wondered what was going through his head. "These are real?"

"Yeah, but they're only fifteen euros.." I watched as Zephaniah slipped off his shoes, exposing his bare feet. I wondered how he would survive the winter without socks, I couldn't imagine.

He observed the shoes first, untied the laces and slipped them on. His eyes blinked a little faster, he glanced through the mirror. Wearing both of them, he tied the laces and stood up, walking towards the mirror. "Feels so different, right?"

"Right, must be." I smiled, really liking the shoes on him. "Feels good, though?"

Zephaniah hummed, sitting down again. "More support. These are not so good, actually." He said sheepishly, pointing at his slip ons.

"It happens, Zeph. I don't always have brand shoes either. What do you say, though? You like them?" I wondered, watching him as he slipped on his other shoes again, holding the Vans up. He observed them for another while, his finger brushing over the white line that was sewed onto it.

"Do you?" He wondered, glancing at me. His cheeks colored, it suddenly made me realise he hadn't blushed as much lately. Had I made him feel at ease around me?

"I really like them on you. Truly." I said genuinely, smiling.

Zephaniah fished his wallet out of his trousers, counting his money. "I don't have much money. I don't- I don't have a job." He stammered, his cheeks reddening but due to shame, not shyness.

"That's okay, Zeph. I stopped working too to get used to University." I shrugged a little, figuring out he didn't have one because of his autism. "I can pay for you, I wouldn't mind."

"No." He shook his head, furrowing his eyebrows. "Can't take that from you."

"You can." I gave him a cheeky smile, grabbing them out of his hands. "Please, I forced you to put them on. It's the least I can do to make it up to you, Zepho."

Zephaniah chuckled at the nickname, but his expression became serious again soon after. "You didn't force me-"

"Joking, Zeph." I said softly, motioning for him to follow me. "It's a gift, okay?"

Zephaniah hesitated for a long time, but eventually, his tight arms were wrapped around my neck for a brief moment, his fingers getting tangled in one of my wavy, brown locks.

~~~

Sorry for the wait!! A brand new Amsterdam chapter is hereee..

What do you think of Tara and Luke?

Haven and Zephaniah spending so much time together?

Holding hands????

The HUG??????

Let me know your thoughts!! Much love XXX