Zephaniah

The bus ride was long, too long if the only thing you could do was sitting and waiting. Staring outside the window had no point- everything was a blur, the bus went too fast. Haven had been reading a book, but that made me nauseous while I would be in a vehicle. I slept, I isolated, I felt bad for Haven.

It was only to protect myself. The day would be long still, it was too early to lose it already. I had counted to ten quite a few times, and it seemed to have worked, along with my few hours of sleep. I was feeling calmer, better because I had something to look forward to; getting off the bus and onto the ferry instead.

Glancing at Haven, my eyes lingered on her beret again. I thought about mum, remembering she had one when she used to be my caregiver. I had secretly touched it when she had left it on the stairs years ago and I had weirdly enough liked the feeling of it, so every time she came over to play with me, I watched her put it away, walked over to that specific place and touched it.

I wondered if Haven's beret felt the same, but the moment I put my hand up to touch it, she looked at me, startling me. "Hey, you're awake."

Gulping, I didn't know what to say for a moment, my mind feeling as if I was in a daze. Haven looked sweet, I had always thought she was a beautiful girl, but I didn't think someone being pretty could do something to your mind.

"We're getting off the bus in ten minutes, finally. The short break was way too short. My legs are stiff, so is my bum. Literally feels as if I'm sitting on a wooden bench." Haven chuckled, closing her book. I watched her as she tucked it away into her backpack, her blue eyes finding mine again. "Did you sleep well?"

"Okay." I nodded, looking away. Fiddling with the zipper of my backpack, I opened it eventually, fishing a bag of cheetos out of it. "Like crisps?"

"Oh! Food is the way to kill time." Haven chuckled again, taking the bag from me as I handed it over to her. I didn't really understand how food could kill the time. Food didn't do much other than laying around until somebody would eat it.

She stuffed the bag between her leg and mine, so we could both eat from it. I didn't really like the feeling of our hands brushing together, it was too soft for my liking. I knew I could be sensitive to any touch, but when I would be touched and I wanted it- I'd rather it would happen firmly. Unless it was mum stroking my cheeks, they would always end up looking red.

Besides that, I had a feeling her touch did something else to me, but I wasn't quite sure what. I frowned and glanced at her, but she didn't seem to notice. Or she didn't mind. Or she felt the same so she didn't do anything about it either because it was unclear. How could you act in an unclear situation? That, I did not know.

Once the bag was finished, she threw it away in the trash bags that hung at some seats, wiping her fingers off a handkerchief she fished out of her bag. She handed one to me as well, I accepted it gratefully.

She gave me a smile. I returned it, but without eye contact.

"Alright guys! New instructions. The bus will get onto the ferry, so once it's safely parked, we'll leave the bus. You all have to follow me, so we can get on the right deck, alright? You can bring your backpacks, but it's only an hour and half. No returning to the bus while the ferry moves. Clear? Clear! Let's go!" William cheered, leaving the bus first. I frowned a little as I tried to recall what he had said. What about backpacks?

Haven stood up, I gulped, tugging at her sleeve. "Uhm, I want to- I want to wait.." I hesitated, glancing behind me as some of our peers were still seated and laughing loudly, probably cracking jokes. I didn't know if their humor was simply bad, or if I didn't understand the jokes, but it all didn't make sense.

"Oh, of course." Haven smiled as she looked down at me, tucking a loose strand of her brown, wavy hair underneath her beret. I stared at her pink cheeks, the freckle on her cheekbone and the lobsters she had, again, hanging in her miss shot earlobes. I found comfort in it, I felt safe.

Once the loud students in the back had left the bus, I stood up and followed Haven outside. Though, it wasn't really outside. The bus had been parked in some sort of garage the ferry had. William led us over to a few stairs. Moments later, we went through a door that led us to the right deck.

The ferry was fancy, too fancy. The bright, expensive looking lights hurt my eyes, the white, marble floor probably even more. It felt slippery underneath my Vans, the white leathered couches and fancy chairs too expensive to touch. I was in awe, though. Never had I seen something that much worthy- when it came to money at least.

Most students had plopped down onto the couches already, or had went to the game room they apparently had, but I was still standing still, trying to scan, observe and process. A restaurant was placed in the middle, bars and high chairs surrounding it. Glasses clashed, a knife falling onto the floor there, men laughing loudly on the other side. The ferry was moving along with the waves, it made my mind feel strange.

My eyes blinked a little faster, I didn't know where to look anymore, until Haven stood in front of me. "Such a beautiful place, isn't it? Do you want to sit over there? We can watch the sea." She suggested, to which I agreed.

There was a rather big windowsill, cushions placed on it so people could sit and watch. Two cushions were placed on a smaller one- Haven chose that. Sitting across each other, I turned my head to the left, staring at Dover that became smaller and smaller, until it was out of sight. I hadn't said anything for minutes long, neither had Haven. The rocks and waves crashing against had been way too fascinating to watch.

I glanced at her, she was already looking at me.

"Do you like my beret?" She asked out of nowhere, but I nodded immediately. "I saw you staring at it for a while.."

I gulped, not being aware that she had seen. "Reminds me of mum."

"How so?" She wondered, her blue eyes literally reflecting the ocean we were crossing right, at this very moment.

"When mum came over for work at our house. Mum had a red beret. I touched it secretly." I laughed a little, my eyes lost in the small waves. "It felt nice. She wore it a lot and it comforted me in some way because- because she was with me and I recognized it on her. I really loved her when she was a caregiver. She had been the best."

"She used to work as a caregiver for you?" Haven asked, her expression uncertain, which made me feel the same way. What had I told her and what not? I didn't remember, it made me feel a little anxious.

"Mummy Hannah isn't my biological mum." I said, uncertainly.

"You told me that, yeah." Haven smiled, pulling up her leg. I watched her as she rested her hands on her knee, eventually her chin on her hands. "You never told me the rest. And you don't have to if you don't feel comfortable with it."

Swallowing, I thought about the time where we had met at the lake, realising I had told her there that mum wasn't my biological mother. "Biological woman left me and Dad when I was just born." I mumbled quietly, staring at another boat that crossed the ferry. "Dad needed to work a lot, we didn't have much money. I had caregivers, women, taking care of me after school or when Dad was working."

I blinked my eyes a little faster, thinking about a specific caregiver that had done something to me, rather, with me. Pushing the thoughts away quickly as anxious feelings came up along with this nauseous feeling, I focused on mum, feeling relieved. "Mum came then. Dad said it was the last chance he would give a caregiver. Many went, they didn't know how to.. handle me? She had been the best so far. I felt really calm around her, but- but I was always anxious that she would leave because so many had come and went but she was good for- fkr me, okay? Uhm, but Dad let her stay. She took care of me like a mum. She felt like a mum and she fell in love with Dad. Then they got married and now she is my mum."

Haven was quiet, it made me feel confused. Wasn't she always chatty? Looking up at her, I was afraid I had said something wrong, afraid she would laugh about my story I hadn't really told anyone else before. But she was only staring at me, her expression sad. "I'm sorry about.. when you were born and she left you two just like that."

I shrugged. "Is okay. This way I met my mum Hannah."

"Such a special way, meeting her, your parents falling in love. She was there to play with you and all?" She asked, sounding sincere.

"Play, pick me up from school, putting me to bed, shower, anything. Just things Dad could not do because he had work." I smiled lightly, thinking back about that time. "Cooper was her dog. She gave it to me. Cooper was my best friend, still is, by the way. She always brought him for me. She was with me when- when I got a severe seizure. Cooper helped me, she saw. She did trainings with Cooper so he could be my seizure alert and- and autism assistance dog."

"Good woman. You deserve a mum like her." Haven said quietly, smiling by herself. She took off her beret, her arm stretched out towards me. "Do you want to touch it?"

"Yeah, okay." I nodded, a little shy, taking the beret from her. Gulping a little as she was watching me, I opened my hand and softly brushed the beret against it, the familiar feeling appearing as this was exactly how mum's beret had felt like. I touched it with my fingers, the fabric feeling soft yet not too soft, which I wouldn't like. It had the perfect balance, the perfect material. Not many products felt like this, which was probably why I had never forgotten the feeling.

Handing it back to her, I watched intensely as she adjusted it back onto her hair, smiling at me. "Liked it?"

I frowned a little. "What?"

"The feeling of the beret." Haven said softly, glancing at me.

Specification, alright. "Feels really good." I nodded, giving her a small smile.

"Do you want to roam around? I heard they had a little shop on here, a game hall, a small supermarket. Just to look around?" Haven wondered, placing her feet on the floor. She wore Vans too, but hers were checkered. And real.

"Okay." I answered, standing up myself. Swinging my backpack over my shoulder, I simply followed her. We walked through the corridors, my eyes falling on several paintings they had hung up the wall. I didn't know the artists, and I couldn't really make out what was painted there, but since we were, sort of, off uni, I didn't want to think about it either.

Haven started jogging, stopped, but slipped further with her shoes instead. She cheered, turned around and looked up at me. "You should try it too! The floor is so slippery, I love it."

I didn't question it, I was feeling comfortable around Haven. Running, I stopped like her and slipped instead, reaching further than Haven had done. I glanced at her, not wanting to seem as if I was better.

"Wow, Zepho. That's far. Let's see who's going to be further now." Haven grinned cheekily, challenging me.

"Fine." I answered, a smile growing on my face without notice. Once she had counted to three, we started running- stopped at the same time and slipped. I reached a bench that was placed on the right side, Haven had stopped a few meters earlier.

She groaned, I uncertainly read her expression, wondering if she was truly upset about it, or if it was just a joke. But when I saw her eyes twinkling lightly I understood she was joking, mum and dad's eyes were like that too when they were teasing around. "Fake Vans aren't so bad." I said quietly, carefully chuckling.

"Not at all," Haven laughed. It sounded sweet. "Got these second- handed. What'd I do without thrift shops? Beat me." She ran away, I quickly followed her, having caught up within seconds. I passed her, stopped and tried to slip- but as I went a little too fast, I slipped for real and fell onto my bum instead, my head lightly hitting the floor.

Stinging pain shot up my hip, but that was because of the bruises Luke had kicked when I was having a meltdown. I thought they were healed, but apparently not completely. Fluttering my eyes open, the first thing I saw was Haven, concern laced in her features. Deep blushes appeared on my face, I was embarrassed- scared that I had made a fool out of myself in front of her.

"Zeph, you okay? Here, let me help you. Gosh, this was a bad idea." Taking her hand as she stretched her arm out to me, I sheepishly took it and stood up, feeling content about the fact that her grip was firm. "You feeling.. you feeling-" Haven bit her bottom lip, a snort leaving her mouth.

Watching her as she started laughing but tried to apologise, I suddenly bursted out in laughter as the incident replayed in my head as well, and I couldn't stop anymore.

My stomach hurt, the pressure from laughing paining my bruises, but I was happy. Happier than I had been in a while.

We lied down upon the stairs that led us to a different floor, trying to catch our breath, the two of us glancing at each other so now and then. The longing feeling to be close to Haven became much stronger, that made me confused.

~~~

Don't you just.. love them :')

There will only be Zaven content for the next following chapters, so let your heart be fulfilled!!

What do you think of Zeph opening up rather easily now that he is comfortable with Haven?

Do you think he'll make it through with her by her side, or will his autism hamper him a lot, still?

Let me know your thoughts!! Votes, comments and feedback much appreciated. Much love XX
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