Haven

The cream puffs were a success, so were the glazed lemon cookies and the brownies. The strawberry sponge cake felt strange in his mouth, he had admitted with his flushed cheeks and his voice barely above a whisper. The structure wasn't what he liked- he was honest.

Mum and dad, my brothers and Sarah had been rather quiet towards Zephaniah, I knew they were giving him space and time to get used to the unfamiliar area for him, to the people he didn't really know. It had seemed to work, he started whispering things to me more and more.

He thought the food was good, that the backyard was beautiful and he had noticed that the rumbling of the planes were less loud at his home. He wondered why there were more birds here, we had less trees after all. Maybe there was more food to find here?

"Maybe they smell the food?" He whispered again, not wanting to bother my parents, who were engrossed in their own conversation.

"Do you think they like cheesecake?" I questioned.

Zephaniah pulled a face, he quickly shook his head. "Too sticky, too heavy for their little stomachs."

I laughed a little, staring at the fringe that hung in his eyebrows. "You're right. I think they'd go for the cream puffs. Do you want another one? Does Cooper want water? We can fill a bowl for him, if you'd like?" I suddenly wondered, glancing at his dog, who rested his head onto Zephaniah's lap.

Zephaniah glanced at my parents, a light frown forming onto his forehead as he took a moment to process everything I had said. I wanted to slap my forehead for being so chatty. "Oh, is that- is that okay? I can maybe, uhm, wash the bowl afterwards?"

"Don't be silly." Standing up, I quickly made my way inside our house, not wanting to leave him on his own for too long, not really knowing if that would make him feel comfortable. Once the bowl was full, I stepped outside, noticing that Dad was trying a small talk with him.

Placing the bowl near Cooper, I smiled when he started drinking right after, Zephaniah whispering a quiet thank you.

"Your dog seems to be very attached to you, how long has he been yours?" Dad questioned. Right move, I thought by myself, knowing how comfortable Cooper made him feel.

Zephaniah swallowed down his, perhaps, sixth cream puff, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. The powdered sugar was now visible on it, he didn't seem to notice. "Eleven years, Haven's father." He answered politely, even when he didn't look him in the eye.

"Oh, great!" Dad answered sincerely, smiling at him. "That's a long time. What breed is it? Something with German Shepherds? I used to have two of those when I was younger."

His eyes lit up, he nodded quickly, staring at Cooper. "He is a mix. German Shepherd and Golden Retriever, he has both characteristics, loyal, funny, hyper, trustworthy." Zephaniah rambled, his cheeks reddening when he noticed it. "My favourite colour is yellow." He swallowed, pointing at Cooper's collar.

He's nervous. I thought, thinking about what Tara had told me once about Zephaniah telling his favourite colour is yellow.

"That's wonderful, Zephaniah." Mum smiled at him, I could tell she was being genuine. It made me happy. "Does he help you with certain things?"

Zephaniah took a sip of his drink, he needed time to think of his answer. I hoped the question wasn't too obvious, but then again, I really didn't know how things went in his mind. "I have Epilepsy. He senses my seizures.." He hesitated, glancing at my parents. "Makes me feel secure in situations I feel, uhm, anxious?"

"Oh, dude." Jude frowned, eyeing Zephaniah. "That's heavy, Epilepsy. Do you have medication or something?"

Zephaniah nodded, glancing at Jude. He didn't say more, I could feel his nerves. It made me sad. "Uhm," he stammered, looking down. "Pills in the morning. Is okay, I'm used to it."

Jonah was observing him, I had told him he was autistic. I wondered what he was thinking. "You must be fond of your dog. He has an important role in your life, it seems." He said calmly, giving Zephaniah a soft smile.

Zephaniah took a few sips of his drink again, nodding slightly.

"Doesn't one of your pupils have a dog?" Mum questioned Dad, Zephaniah looked up at that. "Jeremiah works at a Special School."

"It's an autism service dog. The girl has ASD, severely. She runs away when they go outside. Now that the dog is attached to her, with a leash, she doesn't feel the need to, she doesn't want to leave him. It's amazing how animals can help people." Dad thoughtfully bit his lip, I wondered if Zephaniah would react to it.

"I don't- I don't want to leave Cooper." Zephaniah answered truthfully. His eyes averted to his lap, where his hands were fiddling still. "Uhm, Chellow Heights Special School?"

Dad looked surprised, he nodded his head. "Yeah! I'm the director of that school. How do you know it?"

Zephaniah's eyes roamed over the table for a while. "I was on that school.. first grade. Twice. Miranda Butler?"

"Oh, yeah! She was the former director. What a coincidence. How was the school back then?" He asked, genuinely interested.

Zephaniah parted his lips, but stayed silent, clearly searching for the right words. "Uhm, fine first but then I got a new teacher? She was not.. not very nice. Had a few aggressive peers. I was usually anxious. I have ASD." He admitted shamefully.

I admired him.

He was open, even said he had autism, even when he had never told me that so explicitly. I wondered if it was because of Dad, the fact that he worked at his old school, being a teacher that helped kids with ASD, for example.

"When you were around seven or eight years old, yeah? Haven told me you're nineteen. Eleven years ago, yeah, the school went downhill a bit. Miranda got sick, a new director came and employed non- experienced teachers. Like three of them got fired when I'd gotten the job. They handled some of the pupils the wrong way.." Dad hesitated. "You went to a different school?"

"Regular primary school." Zephaniah nodded, smiling a bit. "Cooper could come and I- I got to wear like, numbing headphones."

"Oh, that is wonderful. Must've been a big change, there. Do you feel comfortable talking about your autism?" He asked bluntly, I gave him a look.

Zephaniah stayed silent for a while, clearly hesitating. "I- I don't know."

"That's totally okay. Can I ask what your parents do for work?" He smoothly changed the subject, I observed Zephaniah, wondering if he still felt like talking. He seemed to be comfortable, his hands weren't really fiddling anymore.

"Dad works with Grandpa David, uhm, does the money related.. stuff, I think. Grandpa David is a psychologist. Baba sometimes helps. He talks to parents that have kids with special needs. Like autism." He licked his lips, his eyes lingering on the cream puffs. I stuffed his plate full with them.

"Is that confronting to you, in some way?" Mum asked. Deep question, I sighed.

Zephaniah shook his head. "No, I think it's good. Uhm, Dad asks me things, about behaviour, in that way he can help them too. Like, when we are little, we don't realise we have a different world, in some- in some ways? At school we had a paper hanging in the toilet, it said wipe three times. At home I used a lot of toilet paper, sometimes after wiping once it was- was clean, yeah? But I would still wipe two more times because school taught me that. Dad asked why do you use so much toilet paper? I never really answered because school taught me, Baba went to school when he was little so school taught him too- that was how it worked in my mind."

Everyone was quiet, he was expressing his deep mindset.

"One time we had no warm water, I had to wash my face with cold water. I cried, it hurt my face. Daddy asked, why are you crying? I thought it was obvious." Zephaniah frowned a little, he glanced at me. "I was uncertain to his questions, I thought it was- it was a joke. I thought we lived in the same world, after all. And we did, of course we did, but.. but I didn't know we had different kind of.. perspectives? If you know what I mean. I did not see things the way he did, he did not see things the way I did, even when he is my dad. That's just.. the autism." He stammered so here and there, but his story was clear.

I swallowed, suddenly feeling.. emotional.

How alone he must have felt at times, the two closest people not being able to understand each other in certain situations. The way he expressed things, the way he experienced things.

"Is cool." Zephaniah smiled a little. "Some kid cried when he washed himself in cold water. Dad asked me why I cried that time when it happened to me. I said it had hurt. Dad told the parents maybe it hurt him. It was true. I can help Dad, and in that way he suddenly understands me, sometimes."

"You're a wonderful person, Zephaniah." Mum said, I agreed.

"You bring diversity in this world. You open people's eyes, your perspectives could help us too, in many ways. What'd we do without you, Zepho?" I sighed a little, Zephaniah simply blushed. His green eyes were full of admiration, he kept glancing at me.

Zephaniah changed the subject, the compliments made him feel shy. "Mama works in the- the library at Uni."

"Your future job!" Jude chuckled, looking at me. I simply rolled my eyes. Zephaniah got lost in a stare moment, the six of us noticing it as we looked at him. "Hey, mum, what happened to your house plant?" They engrossed into their own conversation, I was relieved. I didn't want to tire Zephaniah out, not wanting to leave a bad impression from my family.

Mum and dad could be kinda blunt, maybe I'd gotten it from them. They were genuinely interested, though. It wasn't more than that. Luckily Dad had lots of experience with ASD. He had people figured out quickly. He knew when it was the right time to either start or stop talking.

Zephaniah glanced at the cream puffs again, I smiled. "You can grab one. Or two, or three, depends on how hungry you are."

He politely grabbed one, after glancing at me for reassurance. "Thank you. They are really good, Haven." He stammered a little, licking the powdered sugar off it. He hummed quietly while eating it, his feet wiggling slowly as he disappeared into his own little world.

"Thanks, Zeph." I smiled, watching him as he suddenly stood up after a moment, his hand pressing against his lower area.

"I need to pee." He whispered, frowning lightly. "Really bad."

Standing up, I couldn't help but laugh softly at his honesty and purity. "Follow me, I'll show you where to go." He followed me close, again. Once I had pointed at the toilet, I simply waited in the living room while he was doing his business.

He returned not much later. "Feels good?" I wondered.

He looked at me, unsure. "What?"

"An empty bladder." I smiled.

Zephaniah nodded, his eyes averting to the floor. "Sorry. It's a little warm. I'm feeling, uhm, a lot now." I wasn't entirely sure what he meant, but I figured it were the stimulus he was talking about. A lot going on, new faces, new places, long conversations.

Trying to get his hoodie off, it got stuck at some point. I laughed softly and walked over to him, touching his hand. "Let me help you." Pulling it back on, I untied the knots in the white strings, stretching out the hood. "That was it."

Zephaniah's cheek flushed pink. "Oh, mama always ties them, like subconsciously.. on the couch." He admitted shamefully, quickly pulling the hoodie over his head. He wore a grey shirt underneath, it looked good on him. His belly exposed in the process, he quickly adjusted the shirt and pulled it down. "That is embarrassing."

"It is just fine, Zeph. It's sweet." It was the truth, to me. "Do you want to sit on the couch for a while? You talked a lot."

"Did I say too- too much?" He frowned a little, sitting down on the couch. Cooper sat down at his feet, squinting his eyes when Zephaniah kissed his head.

"Never. Thank you for opening up. It's so.. it's really good to know. I admire you, Zeph." I said sincerely, staring into his eyes. "I like.. I really like getting to know you better. You're a good friend." I spilled, feeling weird about my own, sudden feelings.

Zephaniah briefly looked at me, his pink lips curling slightly. "You too."

We remained silent for a while, I stared at his slightly bigger and lightly tanned hand. It was resting on the couch, his other one tangled with Cooper's hairs. It looked soft, I wanted to touch it, hold it even. But, I didn't know if it was the right time now. Besides, would he understand what I'd mean with it?

I just wanted to show I cared.

After cuddling Cooper and Cookie for a while, with easy conversations following, a car parked in front of our house about an hour later. The door didn't open, I noticed Zayn sitting behind the wheel. "It's dad." Zephaniah smiled at the sight of his father. He then glanced at me. "I have to go."

"Yeah, yeah, totally." I smiled, but couldn't really hide the disappointment. "Do you want to say bye to my parents?"

Zephaniah nodded, but I could tell he was nervous about it. Walking outside, I cleared my throat, gaining their attention. Zephaniah visibly gulped, I wanted to speak up for him- but he was faster.

"Thank you." He breathed out, his eyes flickering back to the window. "Uhm, Dad is here. I must go. Thank you." He repeated, fiddling with his fingers.

"Hey, no worries, Zephaniah. We really enjoyed you being here. Feel free to come over again!" Mum said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Once dad had shaken his hand and Jude bumping his fist against Zephaniah's one- we went to the front door.

Zephaniah turned around, hesitantly glancing at me. I stuffed a bag with sweets I had baked- the ones he had liked most- into his hands, smiling at him. "Thanks for coming over! I had a lot of fun. I hope you did too!"

"I did." He smiled lightly, his cheeks coloring pink. "Bye."

"Bye, Zeph." His simplicity never failed to make me feel warm. "See you at Uni!"

"Thank you." Zephaniah furrowed his eyebrows, uncertainly looking at me. "For the food and uhm, that I could come over."

"You're welcome." I watched how he walked over to the car with Cooper, greeting his dad with a hug as he stepped inside, closing the door with a thud. Once they had driven off, I tried to remove the big smile on my face and made my way over to the backyard, where my family were still chatting.

"Haven is in love, Haven is in love." Jude sang while stuffing his cheeks with the sponge cake. Mum scolded him, I grinned at that.

"Jude is in trouble.." I sang back, slouching down with a satisfied sigh.

Scooping some sponge cake onto a plate, I stared at the tea cup he never finished, the powdered sugar left on his plate. Flutters appeared, how could a plate with powdered sugar and an unfinished tea cup do that?

"What a sweet guy, he is." Dad said quietly, not wanting Jude to mix himself into the conversation with his annoying, in a fun way, theories. "I can tell that kid lives so intensely."

"How so?" I wondered, curiously.

Dad smiled a little, his eyes roaming over the table. "Remember when I did that neurological course? They taught me things like this. When people look up while talking, usually, they talk in memories. When people look down with talking, it's usually in feelings. Now, might be that he was feeling shy, but that kid surely lives so intensely, with all the feelings and emotions. It seems he still feels them when he thinks back about certain memories. Such a sensitive, soft heartened boy."

I wanted to throw myself back, including the chair, at that very moment. The flutters completely taking over my whole existence.

~~~

(ASD means Autism Spectrum Disorder)

I mean... I'm not over them, guys. Sigh.

What do you think of Zephaniah opening up so explicitly about his autism?

Did you understand his perspectives and thinking?

Haven?

Let me know your thoughts guys!! Really excited to hear them :) votes, comments, feedback appreciated ❤️ x H

Amsterdam trip in about 6 chapters!!