Zephaniah

Hesitantly looking around me, I fiddled with my fingers as I tried to search for the Library. The building was as immense from the inside as how it had looked from the outside, which made me anxious. I didn't know where to go to, and I didn't want to ask the students that walked past.

They must think I'm dumb. I swallowed, squinting my eyes as I stood still abruptly in the middle of the hallway, my attention getting caught as I saw two swans flying near the window.

I smiled a little. I had always thought swans that flew were intriguing. The sound their large wings made as they flew, their long necks stretched out, wanting to reach their destination as fast as possible. They were quite cool.

"Get out of the way," Some guy grumbled as he shoved me away, successfully dragging me back to reality.

Blushing, I dragged my backpack upon my arm again as it had fallen off, continuing to walk through the crowded hallways. Why did I always have to stare?

Sighing, I felt my eyes starting to blink a little faster, as the busy hallways were starting to become overwhelming for me. The busy posters with bright colours and big statements on it, the many lockers and crowd of students that were all pushing their way through each other to go to their destination, the loud chatter, the warmth. I tried to stand on my toes and search for the word Library, but I just couldn't find it.

I swallowed again, feeling how the anxiety was slowly creeping throughout my whole body, making me nauseous, subconsciously making me chew on the ropes of my hoodie. Why do you have to be old, Cooper?

Ask them, Zeph. Asking for help is never a bad thing. Mum would say, yet I couldn't bring myself to do so. Suddenly, my eyes fell on the word library, that was written on a door made out of glass, making me sigh in relief.

Pushing the door open, I immediately noticed Mum, who was currently helping out a student with the books she borrowed. I stood behind the small desk, waiting for her to notice me.

"Thank you, Mrs. Hannah. I'll try to return them next week. Have a good day!" The student said, who left right after that.

"You too!" Mum simply smiled at her, checking the book's titles and putting them away at the right place. It was only a few seconds later when she noticed me, a smile forming on her lips. "Zeph! Hey, how are you?"

"Hi, mum." I smiled, giving her a short hug after she had placed a kiss on my cheek. "I couldn't find the library, first." I frowned, placing my bag on the tables that stood near her desk. They were old, paint wearing off at some sides.

It made me want to paint the whole thing over, just like the walls. It was probably like that to make an old-school effect, but it was messy. Especially with the ripped posters and photo's that someone had hung up. Some books were messily placed onto the many shelves that were there, a student not bothering to pick up one that had fallen.

"Zeph," Mum said, only then I noticed her warm hand on my cheek, making clear that I had been staring at the walls for too long. "I was wondering if you had asked Tara? She was here not too long ago."

I thought about her question for a while, slowly shaking my head. "She didn't- didn't want to show me. She said I had to do things alone." I frowned, thinking about Tara who had simply pushed me away, scoffing.

Never understanding what I did wrong now, I simply figured she was nervous about the new University life too, and didn't know how to express it. I didn't always know how to express my feelings either. I wasn't mad at her, but it did make me feel a bit upset.

"Oh," Mum sighed, sitting down beside me. "Where's she now? Don't you have class? You're on your second week, after all."

"No," I said quietly, straightening the papers I had neatly placed onto the table. "We have William, said we can have an hour.. off? I thought it was a High School thing," I chuckled, taking my folder out of my bag.

"Aha," Mum hummed, "Well, you go do your thing, come say bye when you leave, yeah? Students are waiting there."

Looking up at her, I gave her a slight sad smile. I felt safe around her, she made my anxiety fade but I knew I couldn't be around my mother all the time either. I was nineteen, for Goodness' sake, and she had better things to do. "Mumma, I will have lunch with some peers. William made a study group."

"That's good, Zeph. Be yourself, yeah? You'll make some friends." She smiled, simply ruffling my hair as she shoved her chair away and left, making me cringe at the loud sound of it, yet no one else seemed to be bothered by it.

Just me, again. As always. Would someone ever understand?

Licking my bottom lip in concentration as I sorted all of the papers I had already gotten in the first days, I neatly placed them into the folder my dad had given me not too long ago. I stared at the papers for a while, wondering how many packages of paper one tree could make.

It was actually kind of sad, that we always had to deprive things out of nature to please ourselves with. Staring at the black ink that had typed words onto the blank sheet, I sat there for minutes long, my mind wandering to different things.

Things such as that I was extremely happy the first week was over, as I hated to start anything new, but hated introduction weeks even more, because it was all about presenting yourself to the other students.

I didn't like that, as I was more the reserved, observant type of guy. People would find out about you eventually, when the time was right. Not when it was all forced. But then again, I was probably again the only one who thought about things like that, as all the other students were comfortable with each other in no time.

My mind then wandered to my parents, and I smiled automatically. They had supported me through everything, and they always had, with any thing. I was grateful for them, too lucky to have parents like that as I knew not everyone could say so.

Especially when I thought about how everything had happened. Because, although mum, who was previously known as Ms. Hannah to me, wasn't my biological mother, I had never felt and thought about it that way. Mum had always supported and provided me with different things.

She had provided me with food when I was hungry, clothes for when I was cold, comforted me in times of sadness or difficulties I would be experiencing, whether it be with a laugh or a tear, but most importantly, provided me with the motherly love I had been missing since birth. She treated me as if I was her biological son, and I was forever grateful for that.

Dad and mum got married one year after they had confessed their love for each other to me. I had only been nine years old. I don't remember much of their wedding day, only that it was busy, overwhelming for me, but they had held it short and kept me close all the time. Only to keep me calm and safe. Oh, and we ate cake. Loads of cake.

Staring up at the ceiling, I was satisfied with how it looked. It was neatly painted white, a few plasterboards stuck to it in neat rows. There was no damaging, no paint wearing off and it was probably the only calm thing around the whole University.

"Zephaniah, it's been fifty minutes." Mum said quietly, her sudden voice startling me again.

I looked at her, then understanding what she meant with it. "Oh, oh. I must go, do you t-think I am too late now? Mumma, maybe I can have lunch here, then?"

Mum gave me a soft smile, shaking her head. "You should meet your study group, Zeph. It's good, yeah? Don't worry about it. You're not too late. Go find your cousin."

"Okay," I said sadly, packing my back, placing my lunchbox on top of my other stuff as I was afraid it would be lost when I would be sitting in the cafe. People would probably look at me, as I would be searching for the lunchbox. What would they think?

"See you, sweetheart. Dad will pick you up, okay? I have to leave earlier today, dentist appointment." Mum informed me, making me frown.

Baba only picked me up at Friday's, never at Wednesdays. "Uhm, okay. I guess." I whispered, adjusting my bag on my back, playing with its ropes. "So, uhm, he will stand on the same spot? As you, I mean when you stand t-to wait for me?"

"Yeah, Zeph. I left the paper with instructions on his nightstand this morning," She joked. It took me a good minute to understand that she was just teasing me, judging the expression on her face she always made while joking.

I smiled sheepishly, my cheeks coloring rosy. "Bye, mum."

"Bye, Zeph." She laughed, then turned around the help the students.

Smiling by myself, it soon faded when I entered the hallways again. Though, this time, it was quite calm. I breathed out in relief, and texted Tara, hoping she'd answer me soon so I would know where to go to.

She did answer, and soon enough I found myself walking towards the, crowded, cafetaria. No wonder the hallways were quiet. I mumbled to myself, feeling my heart beat rapidly as I felt as if everyone was staring at me as I entered.

Noticing Tara, I quickly walked over to the study group and sat down next to her, giving a weak smile to my peers.

"Say hi, Zeph!" Tara cooed, rolling her eyes after that. "Do I need to keep mothering you?" She murmured into my ear.

I frowned at her, huffing. "Stop, Tara."

Tara ignored me, and continued to talk to the study group. I took out my lunchbox and opened it, quickly shooting a prayer before taking a bite out of my grilled chicken sandwich, slowly wiggling my feet as I enjoyed the taste of it.

Soon after, I felt Tara kicking my leg, her irritated face making me gulp. "You're humming," she muttered, shaking her head.

What was wrong with that? Taking my third sandwich out of my lunchbox, I felt ashamed, felt as if I was a huge bother to her, because no matter what I did, she always talked to me as if I had been bothering her for a long time.

"Why aren't you talking to them?" Tara suddenly questioned into my ear.

I huffed again, looking up at her. "I said stop, Tara. I am eating."

"What's bothering you, man?" She frowned, picking up my water bottle and taking a sip out of it.

"Tara, stop!" I snatched my water bottle out of her hand and stuffed it into my bag, starting to feel even more upset. "Baba is picking me up," I admitted shamefully, knowing she would probably not understand why that would make me upset.

Tara raised her eyebrow, "So? Be grateful, Zephaniah. Goodness."

I looked at her in confusion, my gaze lingering on her face for a while. Grateful? What did she mean by that? I never said I wasn't grateful.

"You're always complaining about everything. My father is forcing me to get my drivers license, and therefore forcing me to work because I have to pay for everything myself. Unlike you, who gets everything served upon his plate." She snapped, turning away from me, her back facing me.

I stared at her for a long time, wondering what I did or said wrong. My left hand was flapping, so once I noticed it, I stuffed it between my legs and continued to eat my last sandwich, staring at my lunchbox.

"Are you still hungry? Five flipping sandwiches," The guy with blonde hair, who's name was Luke, I believed, snickered, pointing at my lunchbox.

I briefly glanced at him, looking away when we made eye contact. Now, I really wanted to go home. I hated new people, I was tired of explaining and elaborating everything I did or said differently oppositely from the people I met.

"Don't listen to them. They're just being annoying," a sweet voice suddenly spoke up.

I looked up, my eyes meeting crystal blue ones, and, an outstretched hand. "Haven, in case you forgot."

Her wavy hair barely reached her shoulders, a loose strand accidentally falling in front of her face, with those rosy cheeks and small nose. She had a tiny freckle on the right cheek, and her earrings weren't shot at the exact same place.

She tucked the strand of hair behind her ear, and I shyly shook her hand, looking away.

~~~

So.. zeph and a tiny backstory about zayn and hannah.. whatd you think of it??

His classmates? Tara?

Haven? Let me know!!

Change of routine.

For a child, teenagers, etc, with autism, the world can feel like an unpredictable place - and since children, etc, with autism tend to be anxious, unpredictable equals frightening. They hold on to their structure to find comfort, safety, have control and something to hold on to- however, when this changes, they might feel like they lost control and may feel like they've been thrown into a big, unsafe and unclear hole.