Zephaniah

"Perhaps, dark grey would be too dark, even when it's kinda the theme of our room too." Dad mumbled out more to himself than to Mum.

Mum hummed and ran a few fingers through her hair. She seemed to be deep in thoughts, her eyebrows were furrowed lightly, her upper lip between her teeth. "Yeah. We should probably just go for light grey."

From where I was lying on my bed, I could see my parents discussing things for the baby room. My door was slightly ajar, I could see them standing near their room. Mum didn't like to have a blue or pink theme, she disliked the colours- I silently agreed.

Dad said he hadn't done that for me either. I had slept in his room back at my grandparents house when I was a baby- until I had turned one. That's when Dad bought a house for him and me only. My room had been grey too, like the house, but they had changed it when I was seven.

My eyes roamed around my room, the dog borders were still up, another wall was completely painted with a specific black paint you could draw with chalks on. It was empty, though. The drawings had been wiped away ages ago- I don't even think I had the chalks somewhere, anymore.

"Maybe we can paint Zeph's room as well. He most likely grew out of the dog borders now." I heard Baba mumble. I glanced at him.

I had grown out of it, but I knew how much money it costed to re-do a whole room. Well, not precisely, but I did know it costed a lot. Therefore, I hadn't mentioned anything about it before and simply took people that visited me to my parents' room, like Haven.

Not that many people came over for me, though.

"Let's save for that." Mum wrapped her arms around Dad's waist, their lips pressed together. They both smiled, Dad's hands moving to her- still growing- stomach. "I'm so excited for the baby to come."

"So am I." He smiled, his eyes squinting lightly. "It's going to be a girl, I feel it."

Mum rolled her eyes lightly, pushing him away. "It's fifty- fifty, Zayn. You can't know." She chuckled, her attention going back to the baby room that was across the bathroom- the nearest room to mine.

My eyes averted to Cooper, a heavy feeling appearing in my guts. Why couldn't I feel happy about it? I stared at the present Dad had brought upstairs not too long ago, I wondered what it was, but I was a little nervous to open it.

Why would somebody buy me a present?

I yawned softly, my tongue hurt. I had bitten it harshly while having the seizure last night. It felt swollen, but Mum told me it didn't look like it. Cramps were still felt in my hands, I had unconsciously pushed so much strength in them when they were in a strange position.

It was almost dinner time, and although I had slept the whole morning, perhaps, until two in the afternoon, I still felt extremely tired.

Sitting up, I stared at the present again. I nibbled onto my bottom lip and decided to simply open it.

Neatly taking off the small tapes, I piled them up and watched as the wrapping paper fell open, a book appearing.

Turning the book around, I read it was about the strong friendship between humans and animals, dogs to be specific.

Slowly sliding off my bed, I came down with a soft thud, lying down beside Cooper. "Hey, look." I whispered, shoving the book in front of him. He sniffed, squinted his eyes and went back to resting.

"Who gave me it?" I frowned still, smiling lightly when Cooper laid his paw down onto my stomach.

Raising my arms in the air, I opened the book- a note falling onto my face. Sitting up, I carefully took the paper into my hands and unfolded it, my heart secretly thumping while my free hand flapped.

Just a small get well soon present. I truly hope you're feeling better, Zeph! I hope you'll like the book. Although I still secretly hope you'll consider me a friend as good as Cooper is to you one day!!- Love, Haven.

I felt myself becoming warm, how could I possibly thank her? Dad had told me they had seen her at the market today, and she had already wished me well. It'd be more than enough for me but somehow she felt the need to give me something, which was something far above my expectations.

Brushing my finger over her rather neat handwriting, I hummed quietly when I read her words again.

Maybe Dad or Mum knew the right way to thank a girl for something. Carefully standing up, I walked over to them, completely forgetting about the fact that they were discussing something.

"Baba? I-" The bell rang, Dad's eyes brightened.

"The stroller, babe!" He cheered, rushing past me to run downstairs- opening the front door in one, smooth, swing. Probably the postman, or whatever it was.

Fidgeting with my fingers, I glanced at Mum, who seemed to be somewhere else with her thoughts too. She was smiling, her eyes roaming through the- for now- empty room.

Suddenly, her eyes landed onto me, her smile widening. "Zeph, what's up, sweetheart?"

"Nothing," I mumbled quickly, my eyes averting to my dog. "Going to walk Coop." I said quietly, making my way downstairs. I knew Dad probably didn't do it on purpose, but I somehow, always, took it personally. My eyes blinked fast, I was a little hurt.

"Be careful, yeah? Got your phone with you?" She questioned behind me, making me glance at her for a brief moment. I simply hummed in response, stepping into my shoes. Dad was too busy with the stroller to notice me and Cooper leaving.

Closing the door with a soft thud, I simply followed to wherever Cooper wanted to go today, which I knew was my own route, anyway. I stumbled behind him, my eyes pricked.

"Coop," tears appeared in my eyes, suddenly, frustrating me. "Not so fast." I abruptly stood still, tugging at the leash. I sat down at the edge of the quiet road, staring at the sky.

Cooper curiously sat down beside me, softly licking my hands. I wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my head on his. "It's not your fault, sorry, okay."

"Sometimes, I just feel- feel alone, you know? I've got you, of course I do, but like.." Staring up at the sky again, I watched some of the birds fly over, their wings blowing tiny waves of wind around, the sound of it audible. "I don't know. I did not hurt you, did I?"

He didn't react. I sighed, tiredly rubbing my eyes. They hurt, they were dry, I didn't really know the reason, perhaps, the seizure. I tended to squeeze them harshly. "I don't think- I don't think people understand, they know so little." I whispered, thinking about the autism while bringing my hand up to trace the outlines of the clouds with my fingers.

"You understand," I whispered again, turning my head and staring at his warm and soft, brown eyes. "If only you could give me some advice sometimes, would be cool." I smiled carefully, observing his face. "It is okay, though, that you don't." I added quickly, reaching for his face.

"You probably have a reason you don't talk. A reason I understand fully," I said sadly, resting my hand underneath my cheek as I kept staring at him, our eye contact actually making me feel so safe. "Words hurt more than- than deeds, after all."

Cooper brought his snout to my other cheek, softly pressing against it. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply, bringing my hand to his back, softly stroking it. "Why do things get old, to die after? It is not fair, Coop."

"I wish you could go to- to school with me still, just like years ago. You make me feel so safe, Coop. University isn't that nice. I thought it would be cool, but the people have not changed, neither did I." I kissed his nose, multiple times, until he started to lick. High School memories appeared, I felt nauseous.

"People liked you. It was easier to talk to some- someone I did not know." I spilled out, watching the blue sky slowly turning to orange and yellow. "Because, we always had something to talk- talk about. You, yeah?"

My thoughts led to Haven, I felt stupid about my own words. "I don't have to feel alone, right?" I smiled sadly, being fully aware of my own struggles. "I try too hard. And it is like someone puts glue between my lips when I try to speak to her. My mind is overflowing with words and conversations I want to have- have with her every time I lie in bed and go to sleep, but when I stand in front of her.. nothing." I huffed, Cooper licked me.

"Okay." I sighed sadly, lying down onto the grass that was near the road. I was tired, but the sky was fascinating. How could I thank her?

My mind was trying hard to think of something that could possibly be enough for her, but I got distracted each time I thought I was close. First, the cars that drove past, people on their bicycles, a cat, the breeze, the clouds passing the sun, the birds, the flies, the ants and the unstructured brick walls of some of the houses. The grass pricked beneath me, I pulled up my knees.

My phone fell out of my pants because of it, I quickly picked it up. Unlocking it, I pressed onto her name, remembering I'd never answered her question about the High Tea, or something.

I felt anxious about the thought, but we were friends. Haven made me feel comfortable, and if it made her happy, would that be the way to show her that I was thankful for her present?

Swallowing my fingers somehow typed a message back.

Hey Haven I do like to come. is it fine if Cooper joins? I understand if not, not everyone likes dogs, sorry. Thank you Haven for the book, really thoughtful. don't worry about the note. Happy dances back even when I do not really dance haha - Zeph

I added a smiley face and felt my cheeks warming a little. Don't worry about the note. Of course not, she knew she was a good friend to me, right? I hoped she didn't think the message was weird, otherwise I'd throw my phone away and never look at it, ever, again.

I quickly stuffed it back into the pocket of my trousers, squeezing Cooper into my embrace. "I can trust her, I can, right?"

Cooper sighed softly, pushing his black nose against my chest. He was calm, he made me calm, even when I felt anxious about the text.

Within a few minutes, exactly the time I had had a stare moment, my phone vibrated, startling me.

I just cheered out so loud Cookie squeaked because I startled him eh her haha!! Thanks Zeph, Cooper can come for sure. We all like dogs here, so don't worry about that! Mum still needs to get some of the recipes so I'll let you know when she decides to do that.. thingy. Don't worry about the book, it made me think of you. See you at Uni!! - Have (ps. even if you don't dance I'd like to see you giving me happy dances back in real life)

I had to re-read her message quite a few times to give meaning to her given information but once it was processed- I smiled, widely, warmth spreading throughout my body.

I quietly thanked God for giving me a friend, something I had prayed for quite a lot.

Walking back home, the smile on my face never left, even when I tried to hide it by biting my upper lip. Haven was happy I would come over.

I briefly kissed Cooper's head, opened the front door and neatly took off my shoes- placing them on their designated spot. My parents were cooking, they both looked up when I entered.

"You're beaming." Baba smiled fondly at me, secretly stuffing some chicken into his mouth while Mum wasn't looking.

"How come?" Mum asked, her hand resting on my cheek for a brief moment.

"She's a true friend, Mummy. I can feel it. You taught me so much, right, Baba?" I looked up at him, then focused back on Mum. "Dad said it was like trusting you first when you were a care- caregiver. It went natural, like our bonding, the process. Thank you, Mama."

I knew my words were probably all over the place, I wondered if she even understood what I just said but Dad's eyes teared up, and Mum pulled me into her embrace.

~~~

Are you excited for Zannah's baby??

What did you think of Zeph feeling hurt? Talking to Coop his best friend?

I don't think you have ever seen him this open before ! <3

Let me know your thoughts, please. Feedback/ comments much appreciated ❤️
Much love, H x.