Zephaniah

I felt like hugging mum, she had reserved the table for me and Haven, so we could have our library moment on our usual spot. I needed the calm environment, my spot, at the moment, I needed less stimulus as I had gotten loads in the morning, due to Cooper throwing up again.

Knowing just because I had already gotten much stimulus a hug could be too sensitive to my skin- and therefore hurt me, I hastily pressed a kiss to her cheek instead, giving her a smile, which she returned warmly before waving me off to our spot.

Being the first one gave me time to settle, time to get used to the people that were seated in the library already as well. I observed them, then observed the many books on the shelves, wondering how many books actually existed in the world.

If one book already had so many versions of it itself, then I couldn't imagine how many-

"Zepho!" Haven smiled brightly, her nickname for me making me blush lightly. I didn't know what to say back to her, so I simply gave her a small smile.

We hadn't talked as much yesterday as Monday, it ended up making me feel rather shy all over again at this very moment. Maybe because it had given me time to overthink, to realise I was giving away myself way too much, and way too fast.

But that had happened with mummy Hannah too, right? Dad said the bonding and trusting would be a natural process, like it had been with Mum. I guess I was just tired, my head was rather full.

"How are you?" She asked more calmly, probably noticing my rather reserved behaviour today. I blamed the stimulus. It caused me to get withdrawn, to feel tired.

"Good," I whispered, glancing at her as she took a seat and retrieved her notebook, along with a pen. "Uhm, you?"

"Great! I found out Cookie is actually a girl, when all this time I'd thought it was a boy." Haven chuckled, flipping through her notebook to probably get to the page she had lastly written on.

I lightly smiled at that, opening my notebook. "How did you, uhm, find out?"

"She's pregnant. My cousin has a guinea pig as well, thought it'd be fun to let them meet, though, not for these meanings." Haven laughed softly, I simply smiled, not really understanding what she actually meant. "It's fine, though. She wants the babies."

"Okay," I whispered, frowning when I heard the unfamiliar ticking of a clock. Looking up, I noticed a huge, brand new, clock was hung against the wall, the silence that engulfed us bringing out the sound even more.

It was rather loud, louder than the ticking of the pen that some guy was doing across us. I scanned the area, no other classmates were seen, which made me wonder why. It wasn't like they were always here, but usually they were, as it was our free period.

Glancing at Mum, I blinked my eyes a little faster when she placed a pile of books on the desk a little too loud for my liking, watching the one on top slide off the pile, onto the floor.

Mum glanced at me, she pulled an expression at her little action. It made me smile, and I rested my chin in my hand as I watched her for a while. Her belly was growing rapidly, it scared me. Time flew, I knew within months the baby would be here.

"Zeph?"

Quickly looking up, Haven was staring right into my eyes, making me look away. "Sorry."

"No need to say so." She smiled, "What'd you see?"

"Uhm," my eyes moved up to the ceiling as I thought about her question, them roaming around for a while. "The clock, it's new, I think?" I hesitated. "Mum and it's not busy here. Our classmates are not here either."

Haven frowned lightly, looking around her. "You're right, Norah told me she'd study here as well. Let me shoot her a text." I watched as Haven's fingers typed something down onto her phone, her eyebrows furrowed lightly in concentration.

While we were waiting for an answer, my eyes, somehow, made its way to Haven's tiny freckle- or mole- I still hadn't figured it out- and stared at it for as long as it took Norah to reply.

"Ehm," Haven smiled sheepishly, briefly looking at me. "Our timetable had changed, hadn't it?"

My heart started pumping rapidly, quickly flipping through my notebook where I had written things like these down. It, indeed, said our timetable had changed, but to what, I did not know yet. "It did? It did, oh."

I stood up immediately, flinching when the shoving of my chair was too loud for my liking. "Where we must go? Uhm, where is Norah?"

Haven remained seated, a slight frown visible on her face. I nervously chewed onto my cheek, waiting for her to answer so we could quickly make our way to class. I didn't want to miss it, after all, and besides- what if the Professor would get mad?

Gulping loudly, I gave Haven a not- understanding look when she kept sitting there, not speaking up- only watching me.

"Zephaniah?" Her voice was soft, it made me confused. "It's William.. a repeated lecture, you know? Reviewing, revising old stuff.."

"Oh, for the test? Uhm, exam? I think- I think we need to go quickly." I swallowed nervously, my hands starting to flap as I tried to contain, tried to suppress the fear and nerves I was experiencing at the moment.

Haven stood up and stretched her arm out, wanting to reach for my wrist, but stopped midway. "Can I.. is it okay if I touch you? Does it hurt today?"

Heat rose to my cheeks, I gave her a tiny nod. "It's okay, Haven."

Her smaller hand wrapped around my wrist, her blue eyes looking up at me. "Calm, Zephaniah. Lessons like these aren't required for us to go to. It's free- willing."

"So, so.. we do not have to go?" I frowned, my eyes blinking rapidly at the change, the confusion.

"We don't. How about we roam through the University instead? I haven't seen all of the building, yet." Haven suggested, a somewhat, cheeky smile appearing on her face. The ocean colour of her eyes twinkling lightly. "Live, Zeph. Is that okay? For now?"

Suddenly, my thoughts went to when I was little, to when Dad and Mum had to coax me out of my safe place, out of my structure at times to show me the wonderful places they had eventually taken me to. No matter how difficult it was at times, I knew how it could also lead to beautiful things.

We'd only be revising, it was something you do with Haven all the time.

"Okay," I hesitated lightly, but the smile that grew onto her face made me feel warm inside, as if I had made a right decision for once in my life.

"Let's go!" Haven cheered, smiling sheepishly when the elder lady from the library stood in front of us in no time. "Sorry," Haven whispered, softening the warning look onto the elder lady's face.

Haven kept smiling and when she looked at me for a brief moment, I gave her a small smile back, my eyes averting to the floor. I wondered if she enjoyed spending time with me, but, perhaps, that was a stupid thought.

Roaming around for a while, Haven pointed out several things, though, my eyes would have fallen on completely different things instead. It made me a little sad, wondering how different my world would be from hers.

"Your mind is so interesting, so much more than mine." Haven had mumbled out when I blurted out an unnecessary detail my eyes had, somehow, found. I hadn't known what to answer, so I blushed instead, scolding myself for opening my mouth.

The more we walked, the less students we saw. I wondered why, but it wasn't like I minded. My head felt full, though, Haven's presence helped me process the given stimulus at the moment. She was energetic, but calm, which made me feel calm as well.

"Zeph!" Haven whisper- exclaimed, her eyes wide. "This is the old part of the building! The one that's barely used no more. Oh, how great Thou art, thank You, Lord. This is amazing!" She said sincerely, looking up at the ceiling for a brief moment. "Just when I needed some excitement in my life."

"Are we- are we allowed to-" I stammered, gulping when Haven ignored the 'do not enter' sign, smoothly jumping over it.

"Live," she whispered, her pink lips curling up. She already disappeared into the rather dark looking hallway, so I had no choice and follow her, my hands flapping but this time- it was into mixed nerves and secret excitement as well.

Carefully stepping over the sign, I realised this was probably the wildest thing I had ever done. My guts felt heavy, and I still didn't know if it was the right choice, but Haven made me feel slightly better about the whole situation. I wasn't alone, for once. And besides, I wasn't skipping classes. We didn't have to be present. If the situation would be the opposite, I wouldn't have went.

"Zepho! Zeph!" Haven exclaimed, making me flinch a little, my hands flapping rapidly, though, I wasn't sure to which emotion I did that.

She noticed, and her face softened, a somewhat concerned expression appearing on her face. "Am I pushing you into something you actually don't want? If so, I really didn't mean it like that.. it's okay, we can go back, you know?"

It was stimulating to see more of the world, not pushing. Dad and Mum had explained me the difference, had taught me how to see in order for me not to cross my borders all the time. The thought relieved me and I knew if Cooper would be here, he would've allowed me to do this.

"I want to but.. just a bit nervous, okay." I admitted, my cheeks reddening.

Haven smiled softly, eyeing me for a moment. "You don't have to be. My brother Jude came here too with his classmates. Uni doesn't mind, the sign is there because students had trashed the place before." She explained, making me feel much better.

I wasn't going to cross my borders, it wasn't a forbidden place. Her information made me feel much better about the whole situation. My shoulders relaxed, my flapping hands died down.

"You like libraries?"

"I like our library," I mumbled out, a little oblivious to the way I said that.

"You'll like this one." Haven took the lead, once again, and led us over to an old, creaky, brown door. Entering the place, the strong smell of dust hit my nose, making me sneeze once or twice.

Flickering on the lights, I expected the brightness to hurt my eyes so I squeezed them tightly, saving me from negative stimulus. Though, when I slowly opened them, a dull, slightly orange light filled the extremely small area.

Four shelves were placed against each wall, two old seat sacks and a small table with chairs somewhere in the middle. Taking in the new area, my eyes blinked faster, but I was amazed. It was small, it made me get used to it rather fast, which felt good.

"Not to compare to the one we sit in, yeah?" Haven smiled, plopping down onto one of the seat sacks.

I carefully sat down onto the other one as well, slowly nodding my head.

"You alright? Are you feeling comfortable?" Haven wondered, her eyes seeming genuine.

I nodded again, not saying to much.

"Zephaniah, I have a question.." She hesitated, making my heart pump a little faster.

Not looking at her, I simply waited for her to ask me, but felt my phone vibrating instead. Slowly taking it out, I noticed an unknown number texting me, making me gulp.

'Zeph, my mum wanted to do some sort of High Tea, you know? With home made sweet foods, and they wondered if you wanted to come over to try it with us. So, do you want to? I thought I'd text you, so you can think about it. Feel free to say no!! - happy dances from Haven (don't think you have my number yet).'

It was silent for probably more than a few minutes, my mind racing with thoughts. She wanted me to come over to her house? It gave me unknown feelings, it made me rather shy for reasons I didn't know, though, also very nervous. I didn't know her parents and brothers, after all.

Looking up at Haven, I noticed her already looking at me with hopeful eyes.

"As friends, you know? I consider you my friend, friends do things together. It's fine if you don't consider me as yours, though." Haven chuckled softly, pursing her lips. "I know it's a big thing.."

She considered me as her friend? Warmth spread throughout my body, I didn't know how to react. I never really had a proper friend besides my parents, Cooper, and a boy called Alexander.

"Think about it, okay? Text me back with your honest answer whenever you want." She smiled, for once making me feel okay about myself. About the fact that I reacted differently to certain things. She made me feel as if it didn't matter.

"I'm your friend?" I blurted out, gulping and frowning once I realised what I said.

"Of course, Zeph, what else?" Haven stood up, soft laughter left her slightly parted lips. "Am I yours?" She asked nonchalantly, flipping through an old, dusty book.

"Yeah," I stammered lightly, my cheeks warming. Don't pull back now, don't say it was all a joke, don't make a big fool out of me.

Nervously fidgeting with my fingers, I couldn't bring myself to look at her, too nervous to be rejected, suddenly. She stayed silent, it brought tears to my eyes, my sensitivity being hit, bad memories appearing in my mind.

You're a fool, Zeph. Too innocent to realise how people actually are at times. So desperate for friends, you fall for their stupid tricks each time.

Pushing myself to quickly glance at her, she was looking down at me with such soft expression, making me frown lightly.

"Thanks, Zeph." She whispered, plopping down again. "Why are you so melancholic, suddenly?"

Gulping, I didn't want to give her the impression that being each other's friends was a bad thing. "Bad memories appearing, that's all." I spilled, glancing at her.

"Do you want to talk about it? It's okay if you don't, as always!" She shrugged, her eyes trained on me. "I'm not like them." She mumbled, genuineness audible, which made me trust her, like mummy Hannah.

Shrugging slowly, I blinked my eyes when they became blurry due to slight tears that appeared. "Just fell for their lies- lies for wanting to be friends." I mumbled, not wanting to dig too deep in those, sad, memories. It'd made me look like a fool enough already in front of these people and the least I wanted to be, was a fool in front of Haven.

"Had one good friend, Alexander." I smiled lightly, but it hurt my heart to talk about him. "Very sweet, funny. He was two years older but did not mind the autism, you know? It was like he understood me at times."

He had been the first genuine friend, the first person that made me feel safe enough to sleep over at a strange house. Not to mention the fact that I woke up crying in the middle of the night because I missed Mum and Dad so much. I had been twelve at that time, I was nothing but embarrassed, but couldn't stop the tears and sobs from coming.

Alexander had simply opened his sheets for me and I had slept in his embrace for the remaining of the night. He had never mentioned anything about it, that's when I knew he was a true friend. Laughs and tears were always shared, we both giggled at my flapping hands, he winked when I blinked my eyes a little faster. He made me feel okay about it. I was more than ashamed of my behaviour now.

"What happened?" Haven whispered. She must've had noticed my fading smile.

"He moved. We wrote letters but at some point I had- had sent eleven letters. He never responded anymore." I mumbled, biting the inside of my cheek. "Dad said it's life, you know, people move on. Sometimes- sometimes without the people they know. It's okay, it happens."

"I'm sorry. People like him are hard to find sometimes, genuine friends." Haven hesitated, scooting a little closer to me. "I know there's many broken promises in the world, but can you trust me on this one? I'd never be the type of friend to just let you go."

I bit the inside of my cheek again, trying to hide a smile this time. Because although I was ashamed of my behaviour, I knew Haven found it intriguing in some way, which made me feel better about myself. And that, was rare, especially after the damage Alexander had left on me when he left.

I didn't want to let her go either.

~~~

You all, I give you so much Zaven content already..

What do you think about this chapter? Zephaniah doing something he wouldn't have done without Haven, even when it wasn't something bad?

Him opening up about his feelings and Alexander??

Our boy's birthday was yesterday and I forgot it :( bro. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZEPHANIAH!

60+ votes and 100+ comments for the next chapter! ❤️ much love, H.