Zephaniah

Stepping out of bed, I pressed my palms to my eyes for a brief moment before I walked over to my parents' room, seeing mum with two laundry baskets full of clean clothes.

"Zeph, hey." Mum said softly, giving me a smile as she noticed me. "Did you sleep well? Is your headache alright?" She questioned, referring to the fact that she went to church service with dad, whereas I had stayed home due my tired state, a headache included.

Sitting down onto their bed, I nodded slowly, even if the bouncing was still present. "Is okay, mumma."

"Yeah? You can always take a paracetamol, if not, okay?" She suggested, starting to fold some clothes on their bed.

I hummed, watching her. "Can I help, mum?"

Mum gave me a soft smile, briefly touching my cheek. "If you want to, Zeph. But it's totally okay if you feel too tired for it."

"I want to." I sat down on their bed, dragging one of the baskets towards me. If I could be helpful in any way at least, I'd do it. "Where's baba?"

Mum took the towels out of my basket, she knew I didn't like to touch them. She folded them quickly but neatly, impressing me. I couldn't understand how she did it. "Downstairs, grilling some chicken for your lunch tomorrow."

"Oh," I swallowed, not wanting to be reminded by Uni already. "That is sweet." I mumbled quickly, realising most students had to do it themselves, according to Ittarah. Folding some of my own boxers, I neatly piled them up and placed them at the right corner of the bed, straightening them.

Yawning, I moved onto dad's boxers, they were the same size, though he had black ones- mine were grey, so mum could tell the difference somehow. Scrunching up my nose when I held up a different one, I looked up at mum. "Baba wears briefs?"

She chuckled and glanced at me, "He does. He says his boxers roll up when he wears trousers, he doesn't like the feeling of that."

"Yuck," I whispered carefully as a joke, briefly looking at mum. "It does not happen to me."

"That's good to know, Zeph." Mum laughed softly, her dimples appearing as she did so.

I chuckled and neatly placed the pile of dad's underwear next to mine. Shirts were next, but as I attempted to fold my own- it wouldn't become as neat as I would've wanted it to be, making me grow slightly frustrated. I huffed and threw it onto the bed.

"What's up, Zeph?" Mum asked calmly, pausing as she was folding the towels still.

"Don't know how to fold it neatly." I mumbled, staring at it while tugging at my fingers.

"That's okay." She shrugged, picking up my NASA shirt. "Watch and learn," I intensely watched how she folded it, remembering which side she started on, so I could copy her actions and do it myself next time.

Finally having processed it, I tried to do it myself and within no time- a neat pile of shirts were placed on the left corner of the bed. Okay, they weren't as neat as mums, which irritated me, but I understood the technique she used.

Once mum was done as well, she placed everything back into the baskets, placing them on the floor next to their bed. Her hand made its way to my hair, softly ruffling it while she kissed my cheek for a brief moment. "Thanks, Zeph. See, your shirts look very neat."

"Yeah," I smiled slightly, feeling warm as she wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me into a hug. "Thanks, mama. For explaining it to me."

"I love you."

"I love you too." I whispered, my hand getting tangled in her hair as I slowly played with her golden strands. "How was it, uhm, church?"

Mum pulled away, standing up after that. She stretched out her arms, her eyes squinting as she looked back down at me. "Good, Zeph. The girls from youth group asked where you were."

"Oh," I answered, blushing lightly as I stared down at my lap. Dad had told me once that they liked my green eyes, I didn't really know how to react to that. What was I supposed to do or say? "Sleeping."

Mum hummed and ruffled my hair again. "Told them you were tired. Zeph, you still haven't told your Dad and me about the evening with Haven. How was that?" She questioned, motioning for me to follow her as she placed the towels into the right drawer in the bathroom.

"Uhm, can tell with dinner?" I wondered, trying to read mum's expression. "So Dad can hear it too?"

"For sure, Zeph. That's alright." She blew a strand of hair out of her face once she stood up, her hand resting onto her stomach.

I frowned and softly but briefly touched her arm, keeping my gaze fixed upon her face. "You okay, mum? Do I need to- to carry the basket?"

"No, I'm alright. Thank you, sweetheart." She seemed to be hesitating, I didn't understand why, until her next question came. "Do you want to feel my stomach? It's getting bigger by the day." Mum smiled softly, her arm stretched out towards me.

"Okay," I whispered, watching her as she laid my hand down onto her growing belly. It felt tight but soft at the same time. No kicks were felt, but maybe it was too early for that. "How old is it now?"

"Almost twenty weeks, time flies, huh?" Mum smiled, her eyes sparkled. Her smile faltered lightly when her eyes rested onto my face, perhaps, because I tried to swallow my uneasy feelings away. "Zeph.." A soft kiss was placed onto my nose, her warm hand cupping my cheek.

I didn't say anything for a while, neither did mum. I felt bad, I didn't want to give her the impression that I wasn't happy about the baby, that would be selfish and I didn't even know if those feelings were true. I was just confused, still.

"My beautiful son." She whispered, running her fingers through my hair. "Your hair is getting long, Zephaniah. Is it okay if I cut it soon?"

Internally sighing, I knew she had to someday, I didn't want it to get too long either. Sensory issues sucked at times, it made a situation like cutting my hair much harder than it should've been. I was more than thankful for the fact that mum had done a basic course for hairdresser, so she would be the one cutting my hair, though.

"Before you go to Amsterdam." She mumbled, fixing my wild strands still due to sleep and her ruffling. "Hey, you want to help me cook too? I missed spending time with you, your dad always barges in."

I laughed softly at that and nodded my head, following mum downstairs after I had changed my sleeping outfit into a proper one. I touched the wall with my hand, the coldness of it cooling my clammy hand and the structure of it feeling soft.

Once I came downstairs, my eyes brightened while seeing Cooper, who enthusiastically barked at me, his two front paws against my chest as he jumped up. "Coop!" Flapping my hands in excitement, I scrunched up my nose as he started licking me after that, his tail wiggling hysterically.

"Where were you this morning? I was sleeping, I'm sorry," I mumbled, pressing my lips to his soft head. His eyes squinted, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. "Will walk you before dinner today?" He started licking me again, I took it as a yes.

"Zeph, good morning." Dad smiled at me, he was placing my lunch in the fridge. "I fed and walked him this morning, he seems to be better, yeah?" He pointed at Cooper, who was following me everywhere.

"Yeah," I nodded, feeling relieved because of it. He hadn't thrown up in days, nor had he peeped in pain. Crouching down in front of him, I scratched his back, chuckling as I heard him groan, knowing he loved the feeling of it.

Briefly hugging Dad after that, I made my way over to the kitchen, where mum was already laying out the ingredients. Puff pastry, chicken, curry powder and vegetables. I didn't know what my expression what, but mum started laughing as she glanced at me. "It's good, I promise you. It's like a quiche, you liked that, yeah?"

I hummed and tried to read the recipe, but since mum wrote it- it wasn't really structured, words being crossed out and replaced by others. Basically, it was all over the place. Blinking my eyes a little faster, I shoved it away and watched mum as she set up the oven, tying an apron around her body after that.

"Okay, Zeph, so the first thing we do is.."

It was about an hour and half when it was finished. Mum decided to let it cool off first, so we set the table. Straightening the cutlery and plates, I was satisfied after I had moved the still empty glasses at the other side of the table. They stood in a row, so I could fill them easily. Perhaps, also because it was neater, therefore calmer in my mind.

Dinner was served soon, my stomach grumbling as I had forgotten to eat lunch, but did eat breakfast before mum and dad went to church- before I went back to sleep.

"Now, Zeph." Mum smiled, placing the interesting dish onto my plate after we had prayed. "How was it? How was Haven?"

I blushed right away, both their gazes falling onto my face. "Was good." I said quietly, trying to think of last week. I'd gotten the feeling I had talked too much, that I had given away too much of myself. I needed to ask my parents about it, I needed advice. My smile faltered, I didn't know what to say.

"Did you meet up? Or was she walking by coincidentally?" Dad questioned, stuffing his fork into his mouth.

"The latter," I answered, taking a bite myself. The flavours were strong, though, it tasted rather good. I was quite surprised, it had seemed strange while we were making it. (I had still separated the chicken, puff pastry and vegetables, though.)

Dad hummed shortly, "This is good, you're a great cook, Zeph."

I blushed again and waved it off, pointing at mum. "She cooked it."

"Nonsense, you did most of it." Mum smiled, poking my side. I squirmed away.

"You'd been away quite some time. What did you two do?" Dad asked curiously, his eyes, once again, falling onto my face.

I furrowed my eyebrows, glancing at him. "Me and Mum? We cooked and-"

"No, no." Dad chuckled softly, his eyes squinting. "You and Haven."

"Oh, uhm, Haven had Iced Coffee and crisps. We sat on the grass, near the lake? We talked, is all." I shrugged, though, my cheeks felt warm. I didn't really understand why, because although being the center of attention wasn't my strongest side, my parents were the ones that made me most comfortable, in any situation.

"She's a nice girl." Mum mentioned, she seemed to be in thoughts. "Genuine, chatty. Did you enjoy it, Zeph?"

I nodded, I did, after all. "She asked about autism, I explained about sensory issues."

"Oh, really?" Mum and dad briefly smiled at each other, I wondered why. "Did you feel comfortable with it? You know you don't have to answer things if you don't want to, yeah?" Dad asked, his features seeming slightly concerned.

"It's okay." I said quietly, glancing at him. "She listens, mum and dad. I explained her, she said she thinks it's intriguing. But.."

"But what, Zeph?" Dad wondered, his eyes lingering on my face.

"What if I said too- too much? I feel like.. like I trust her but what if I can't?" I stammered out, feeling confused about my own feelings, maybe even my own words.

Dad brought his fork down and stared at me for a moment, not saying anything. "Sometimes you need to try, Zeph. Sometimes you just have to stop thinking and let the process happen, naturally. And I can tell you, there will come loads of times in life where people will break your trust, which hurts, but you won't settle if you try to hold it back all the time, do you know what I mean?"

I was silent for a few minutes, his words processing in my head, finding the right meaning. It had caught me into my stare moment, but after a while, I knew he meant to say that if I tried to hold myself back from trusting people- I would also hamper processes of growing close, growing friendships.

"It's not to blame, Zephaniah. I know your difficulties, your struggles, and we're always here to help, okay? It's okay, more than okay. It makes you Zephaniah. People who appreciate, respect and accept you the way you are, are the genuine ones. You can trust them, like Haven." He whispered the last part, his eyes searching for mine.

"Okay," I whispered, giving my parents a smile. "Thank you."

"And if it feels right for you, for Cooper, you can almost be one hundred percent sure that things are right." He smiled at me, I knew what he meant. I was sensitive, I had times were I felt emotions or situations before it had even happened. It could be the same with people at times.

Once I had given the both of them a big, affectionate hug, I went upstairs and lied down on my bed, cuddling Cooper close to me.

Sunday evenings, they were the absolute worst. Anxiety would creep up, knowing I had to go back to University tomorrow. The thought of it made my hands clammy, my forehead sweat and my eyes brim with tears. My mouth felt dry, as if I hadn't had anything to drink for weeks, my heart thumping so loud and fast that it made my chest ache.

I didn't want to go.

I wanted to stay home, with mum and dad. With Cooper, who couldn't be with me anymore because he was too old and because the University didn't accept dogs. Turning my face to him, I wiped my nose on my duvets, brushing my tears away with the palms of my hands.

Cooper stared at me, his soft, brown eyes calming me down a little. I buried my face into his soft hairs, continuing to cry quietly, no noises heard. "I don't want to, Coop."

He licked my hands and whined softly, nudging my cheek with his nose. I looked up and wiped my face on my shirt, feeling embarrassed about my own behaviour. "I'm scared, but I do not know why." I whispered, staring at him.

Stripping to my underwear, I pulled my sleep- sweatshirt over my head and lied down onto my stomach, getting comfortable, though I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep for hours, thoughts taking over my mind.

Try to think of something that makes you feel calm, stroke Cooper's hair. Dad would say, so I listened, Cooper calming my thumping and hurting heart.

Tears still rolled down my cheeks, but as my thoughts suddenly led to Haven, I breathed out deeply, the anxiety fading, oh so, slightly and slowly. And now I knew that I fully trusted her.

And it was okay.

~~~

Zeph and Hannah ❤️ felt like they needed a moment too.

What did you think of it? Do you like their bond?

Zephaniah's anxiety for going back to university after a weekend off?

Zeph trusting Haven???

Let me know your thoughts!!