Zephaniah

I moved my head to the rhythm of the soft beat that was still playing through my mind, having taken off my headphones a while ago. Dad never thought it was a good idea for me to walk Cooper while listening to music. The one time where I had walked straight into the street light, I had realised he was probably right.

It'd been so hard, that I had a cut just above my eyebrow, blood had gushed out of it. And I had wondered why Cooper had kept pulling the leash. If only I'd listened.

Counting my steps as the pavement became grass, it took me exactly fifty- six of them to continue my walk onto a gravel path, the small stones slightly stabbing my worn out shoes.

Cooper dribbled beside me, he seemed to be doing better. He hadn't thrown up for a few days now, maybe he just had a fever. It was what I had hoped, after all. His eyes were squinted lightly, his tongue hanging out his mouth, the right side- to be precise.

Sometimes he looked up, making my lips curl up right after. Keeping my hand on his soft head as we walked, I finally looked up, noticing how quiet the Saturday afternoon had been. I wondered where everyone was, it was usually a living village in spring.

Though, I didn't mind at all. It was calm, I was calm. The only sounds being heard were the birds, sometimes a lost car that drove through the empty streets. Oh, and the crunching beneath my feet, the soft padding of Cooper's paws. Not to forget to mention the slight breeze that rustled the leaves in the trees that were hovering over us.

Stuffing my hand in the pocket of my jacket, I couldn't ignore the photo material and before I knew it- I took it out again, just like I had done many times before today. I stared at the ultrasound, brushing my finger over it.

Sighing, I told Cooper to sit, who did it right away, looking up at me with his soft, brown eyes. I showed him the photo for a brief moment, staring at it myself after that. I wondered if it would be a boy or a girl.

"Life changes every day, but what if you just want to pause it for a moment?" I frowned, sighed again and stuffed the photo back into my jacket, my restless mind clearly not completely having processed it still. I didn't want to upset myself, not now I was feeling rather calm.

Cooper licked my hand, I gave him a treat.

Walking further, I abruptly stood still when I thought I'd heard my name. It was confirmed soon after, my name flying through the air again. Cooper wiggled his tail, it was a good sign.

Looking up, it took me a moment to realise Haven was stood in front of me, her hand slowly waving once I briefly made eye contact. "Zephaniah! I didn't expect you here! This is nice." She smiled softly, pushing her wavy hair out of her face.

For a moment I didn't know what to say, I was a little overwhelmed. I stared down at Cooper, who nudged my hands as I'd started fiddling, not remembering when I did. "Haven," I said quietly after a while, the whole situation finally dawning to me.

"You're walking Cooper?" She crouched down in front of my dog and softly scratched behind his ears. Cooper wiggled his tail faster, squinting his eyes as he enjoyed the feeling.

I smiled a little, Cooper knew exactly who to trust when it came to people as well. He didn't always wiggle his tail around Tara, neither did he with the boys that used to pester me in the First Grade, the Special School. He clearly trusted Haven, which made me feel comfortable, as I thought I was starting to trust her too.

Humming in response, my eyes innocently slid down her appearance, observing the way she looked. Her wavy, just above her shoulders- short hair was let down, like usually. Cheeks flushed and tiny lobster earrings hanging in those miss- shot lobes.

She was wearing a warm orange overall dress, a simple white shirt beneath it. Stripey shoes were on her feet, a bracelet around her ankle, or wasn't that called a bracelet?

Her blue eyes suddenly stared into mine, slightly intimidating me so I looked away, my cheeks feeling warm. "I'd been calling you for a while, you didn't hear me?" She wondered, standing up again. "It's okay, though! Seriously, but I was only wondering."

"Oh," I glanced at her, slowly shaking my head. "Sorry, I did not quite hear."

"No worries," she gave me a warm smile, running her fingers through her hair. "How have you been? You mind if I join you?"

Two questions. I internally groaned, already forgetting the first one. "It's okay," I answered, giving her a tiny smile.

"Great! That's fun," she mumbled to herself, looking at me with a smile on her face. "How have you been?" She repeated, recognizing the first question she'd asked a moment ago.

"Good," I answered quietly, seeing how the fiddling with my fingers had become a little less, making clear I was starting to feel more comfortable in her presence. "Uhm, you- you were sick?"

Haven nodded, her eyes bright as the sun shone into them as she looked up at the trees, "Unfortunately, yeah. Just a fever, though, nothing bad!" She smiled, her eyes falling onto me again.

"Sorry 'bout that," I whispered, not really knowing how to express my sad feelings by hearing that she'd had a fever- to her.

"Hey, no worries." She shrugged, shamelessly doing a small happy dance, making me smile. I had to bite my upper lip to not let a noise escape. "I'm feeling good!" Suddenly, a frown appeared on her forehead, making me feel worried.

"Zephaniah?"

I gulped, quickly nodding my head. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for not telling you that I wouldn't come to the library. I thought- I mean, Tara told me you.." She stopped, biting her lip in concentration as she, most likely, thought her words through. Something I did all the time. "I was going to text you, but I wasn't sure if you liked texting?"

Perhaps, it was more than logical for her too that she wouldn't come to the library moment if she hadn't been to the lectures either. She was sick, after all. My mind couldn't have seem to comprehend that at that very moment, I understood now, though.

"Texting is fine," I answered, glancing at her. "Is easy for me, I like it better sometimes."

"Yeah? How so?" She asked curiously, her small hand softly patting Cooper's head. "Zeph, do you want to sit over there? We can talk, if you'd like. If not, that's okay too!"

Unknown feelings erupted in my stomach every time she called me Zeph, the shorter name only coming out of the mouths I knew best. Now, I didn't really like talking, but small conversations were something I could enjoy at times- with people I liked.

I was feeling calm today, therefore I could handle much more things, even more stimulus at times.

"Okay," I answered quietly, following her into the grass for a while, silence engulfing me. She walked rather far, but eventually, we had arrived. The trees were even larger here, a calm looking lake being our view.

We both sat down on the grass, Haven's smile still present. It made me smile too, but I hid it.

"So," Haven started, holding herself up with her arms and hands. "Texting is better sometimes?"

"Uhm," I blinked my eyes and let go of Cooper's leash, watching him as he started drinking some water, small circles in the lake around his mouth becoming bigger ones, only to fade into the greatest unknown after that. "Gives me time to think.. sometimes when people talk I will feel overwhelmed, I will not know what to answer." I hesitated, glancing at her.

"As in, you'll be like, shoot- they asked me something, what the heck am I supposed to say now?" Haven questioned, it made me laugh and I hummed shortly after that.

"Yeah, it overwhelms at times, like startling? It makes me feel shy." I tried to explain as best as I could, hoping she'd still understand. She seemed to, which made me feel something I hadn't felt much times before. It made me open up easier.

Haven nodded, smiling at me. "I get that. It's okay, though. Not everyone is patient when it comes to talking and waiting for answers."

I didn't really know what she meant with it, so I simply gave her a small smile, our eyes meeting for a brief moment. "If people ask something important, I will sometimes give answers they desire because I will be startled, because I don't always like talking. I will focus more on the fact that they asked me some- something, instead of the question, get that? With texting I can think about it and give an honest answer."

"Yeah," Haven let out a soft and short laugh, her eyes seemed to be twinkling. "Yeah, I do get that. Sorry for laughing, I just really enjoy that you're talking so much. I love your voice."

I blushed, realising I had said too much, perhaps. I knew I hadn't really talked much around her, but it seemed to be flowing out of my mouth before I knew it- which didn't happen too often. Usually only around my own family, or Cooper.

"Well, don't stop now," Haven said, her voice soft. She opened her bag, rummaged through it before looking at me. "You like Iced Coffee? Crisps? I brought them with me."

I glanced at her backpack, then back at her for a brief moment. "Uhm, it's yours."

"I don't mind sharing," she shrugged, smiling. "Besides, one bag of crisps for me only would be a little too much after dinner." Her soft laughter filled the air, making me smile- I looked away and bit my upper lip.

She placed the bag with crisps in between us, shaking and opening the iced coffee after that. "I was going to read here, but I like talking to you better."

"Oh," I said quietly, keeping my eyes trained onto the coffee while more warmth appeared on my cheeks. "I- I never had that before." I pointed to the iced coffee, not wanting to dwell on the sort of compliment she had just given me. How did I have to react to that?

Haven's eyes widened and she handed the plastic cup to me, making my tongue move around my mouth immediately, "No way! Try it, then. I'm sure you'll like it."

Placing the cup on the grass right after, I couldn't help but blush, my fingers fiddling as I didn't know how on earth I was supposed to tell her about the sensory issues I experienced at times. Perhaps, she'd think I was exaggerating, like more people thought when I finally had the courage to explain them how I felt.

They told me to simply get over, that it was something I told myself so I'd started to believe it. I had tried to touch and hold the things I didn't like, so they'd talk to me again. I ended up having several meltdowns at home, to the point where my dad sat me down to have a good talk.

He had brushed away my tears and told me that I didn't have to try so hard and change, especially not for other people that simply didn't understand what I was struggling with at times. He'd explained me everything, from the autism to my sensory issues.

"I'm sorry," Haven said, her expression was somewhat concerned, I didn't understand why. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"I want to," I stammered right after, my sensitivity slightly hit as I had felt comfortable, thought it felt as it went downhill all because of me again. Just explain, just elaborate. Cooper dribbled over to me, he felt my melancholy. He rested his head on my lap, spreading his safeness. "I have- have sensory issues, sorta.. with my autism."

Haven started petting Cooper's head again, making me gulp as she was rather close to me. It made me feel shy, it made me feel something I hadn't really felt before. "What is that? If you don't mind me asking, as always!"

"Uhm, it's when my mind has trouble receiving and responding to information that comes in through the senses." I said quietly, briefly glancing at her. Haven had a soft smile on her face, I wondered why. It encouraged me to talk further. "Sometimes I can be oversensitive to things. I do not like holding plastic or paper cups, I like my water bottle. My mind- my mind tells me it doesn't feel good, it makes me upset."

"Oh, really? Can you give me more examples? Just to understand it better." Haven wondered, her voice still soft, as if she didn't find it strange what I was struggling with.

I stayed silent for a while, glancing at her so now and then to make sure if she was being genuine. "It's like with every sense. Sometimes when people touch me suddenly, it hurts, my mind tells me it hurts? It depends on my day. Sometimes I can handle more stimulus, then it won't hurt so much. If I'm almost overstimulated, it will hurt a lot." I blushed lightly, looking away.

"Can only think about what I experience sometimes, when I hear a shopping cart it may sound like a low- flying jet sometimes, the breeze may feel like an ice hand in my neck. Get it? Oversensitivity- it comes inside ten times harder than it actually may be."

"So, when you touch something you don't like, it will make you feel upset?" Haven questioned, to which I nodded. "And like, is it with clothes too?"

I nodded again, glancing at her. "If I forgot to take away the price tag, I'll get crazy and I can- I can only think about that, I won't focus on anything else anymore. I do not like certain fabrics. I'll probably strip in public if someone made me wear it for a day."

Haven laughed softly, handing me a few crisps. My cheeks flushed and I whispered a small thanks, trying to eat them silently. "Thanks, Zephaniah. For explaining and all, it intrigues me for some reasons."

"It's okay," I shrugged slowly, watching her as she took a straw out of her bag. "Do you mind it?" I suddenly asked, frowning at myself once those words had left my mouth.

"What? The things you struggle with?" Haven wondered, softly stabbing the straw into the cup of iced coffee. I nodded, she frowned lightly. "Never, Zeph. I actually admire the way you're so open about it right now. I hope you know that you can trust me. I wish I could help you in any way."

You do, you listen.

I watched her, she brought the cup to my mouth. "You like straws? Here, take a sip." She smiled, her eyes were almost twinkling when I glanced into them. Yeah, I did have trouble reading expressions at times, but I couldn't deny the genuineness it had.

Glancing at Cooper for reassurance, he simply squinted his eyes and laid his head back down. I swallowed, glancing at Haven again. Finally wrapping my lips around the straw, my hands reached for Cooper's ears and I fiddled with them, taking a few sips.

Haven placed the coffee back down after I pulled away, her hands resting on her knees as she was sitting like that, "And? Do you like it?"

Warmth spread onto my cheeks and I nodded, the coldness had fainted the strong and harsh taste of coffee, so did the milk that was in it. It made the flavour much softer, actually nice as I'd never been a fan of coffee. "It's good."

"I knew so!" Haven cheered, making me laugh. I failed to hide it this time.

Silence engulfed us after that, we were both enjoying the outstanding view in front of us. We silently ate the crisps, my free hand cuddling Cooper close to me so now and then. Haven glanced at me sometimes, I could feel it, though, it didn't make me feel uncomfortable.

I reached for the straw sometimes, washing away the saltness on my tongue with the soft taste of the iced coffee, my hands not touching the plastic cup.

Then, I reached for another crisp, but as Haven had the same idea, our hands collided, making my cheeks flush pink. We glanced at each other, even Haven's cheek were slightly pinker than they usually were.

Yeah, perhaps, I was trusting Haven.

~~~

Zavennnnnn. Have is so understanding, isn't she?

Zephaniah opening up quite a lot? Do you think its because he was alone with her in a quiet environment or because he trusts her or both?

Don't hesitate to leave some feedback, votes, comments...

So much love for every single reader!!

Info; sensory issues.

Many people on the autism spectrum have difficulty processing everyday sensory information. Any of the senses may be over- or under-sensitive, or both, at different times. (Zephania is sometimes very affectionate, hugging his baba tightly, other days he cannot really have people touching him, like Tara.)

These sensory differences can affect behaviour, and can have a profound effect on a person's life.

These can involve:
- Sights
- Sounds
- Smells
- Tastes
- Touch
- Balance
- Body awareness (proprioception)

For example, many people on the spectrum are hyper-sensitive to bright lights or certain light wavelengths (e.g. from fluorescent lights). Many find certain sounds, smells and tastes overwhelming. Certain types of touch (light or deep) can feel extremely uncomfortable.