Zephaniah

Cooper had thrown up again last night. This time he had done it in front of my bedroom door, I thought he had wanted to get out to do it outside, but I slept too deeply to notice. I wanted to worry about it, and I was already in the process of making myself crazy, but the vet had said nothing was wrong.

That meant I didn't have to worry about it. Though, this strange feeling appeared in my guts every time it had happened. Cooper was old, I knew that, but he wasn't thirteen yet. He was supposed to live another two years.

Golden retrievers could become ten to twelve years, German Shepherds ten to fourteen years, after all. Which meant, the average would be around thirteen years old. Cooper had another two years to live.

I yawned, I was tired. My cheek was pressed to my notebook, my fingers slowly playing with my pen as I was waiting for Haven to arrive in the brand new library. I had come her earlier on purpose, so I could get used to the fact that everything was changed.

The once messy, slightly yellow walls were now freshly painted white, the brown shelves were now black. This strange scent still hung in the area, it was most likely paint. The freshly painted chairs and tables had been placed differently as well, making me slightly upset.

I wanted to be able to see the door, the desk and the books, now I was only able to see the books.

Panic had engulfed me the very first moments, it felt like I had lost control over a certain situation. Though, the longer I sat here, the more it started to dawn onto me. It was fine, just a slight change, nothing major. I kept telling myself.

Yawning again, I wiped my mouth with the sleeve of my sweater, wondering what time it was. She would be on time, wouldn't she? Otherwise we wouldn't be able to discuss the lecture, to hand out the information we had both heard. Well, information I didn't hear but she did, more like it.

I barely gave her information back, only imagination and perspectives.

"Zephaniah!" The loud voice screeched, tight arms wrapped around my waist a moment later.

It hurt me, sudden touches sometimes did as my skin started tingling and my ears whizzed, making me flinch away. "You- you're hurting me!" I exclaimed, trying to get out of its grip, my senses being overwhelmed because of everything that had happened already today.

"Seriously? What are you, made out of sugar?" Tara chuckled, shoving the chair across me away with a rough sound, making me shiver. "Don't be so dramatic, I didn't even do anything."

I wasn't being dramatic, I was in pain, why couldn't she understand?

Frowning at her, I wiped my cheek as the paper of my notebook had been stuck to it, making it feel strange. "You're sitting on Haven's chair."

Tara raised her eyebrows and turned around, eyeing the chair for a while, "Not really. Do you see her name written on it?" She asked, making me frown still.

What did she mean by that? Why would somebody's name be written on the library chairs? The association was once again, hard to find. "No?"

She slowly rolled her eyes, then moved closer to me as she laid her notebook down onto the table. "She's sick, haven't you noticed? She wasn't here all day. Hannah asked if I could help you out today, so being the good cousin I am, of course I will!"

"But Haven- but it's our library moment," I brought out quietly, not even sure of my words myself. Obviously, I had noticed she wasn't here today, but this was our moment. She hadn't told me she wouldn't be here for that so I still expected her, that wasn't strange.

"How cute," Tara grinned, pinching my cheek. I pushed her hand away, frowning deeply at her. "Remove that frown of yours, Zeph. She's sick, get over it. What did you not understand from the lecture?"

Hesitating for a long while, my eyes finally met hers and I shook my head, chewing on my left cheek. "I do not want your help."

Tara threw her hands into the air, sighing. "Your loss, Zephaniah. I'm just trying to be nice, and besides, you're going to my house after this. Did Zayn tell you that?"

"Dad did," I mumbled, fiddling with my fingers. They needed to go to the hospital for something. It had to do with the pregnancy, but I hadn't remembered all the information my dad had thrown onto my sleepy state in the morning.

"Okay," Tara answered, staring at my notebook. "Hey, you haven't answered some of the questions that William asked us. Was it going too fast for you?"

I didn't answer- I didn't want to answer. She'd been mean to me loads of times, I was tired of her behaviour towards me. It couldn't be the nerves for our new University anymore, so I figured out she was fed up with me for some reasons. Perhaps, I had done something wrong.

"Zephaniah," She looked at me, her dark brown eyes almost staring right into my soul. It made me feel uncomfortable, so I looked away, still not answering her. "Gosh, I'm sorry, okay? I know you can't help your own behaviour at times, but it gets on my nerves, still. I express it in front of our- well, my friends. It might be a wrong thing to do, but you trigger it."

It was always my fault, but what did I do wrong? I just couldn't figure it out.

"I don't mean it in a bad way, but, do you understand?" She wondered, her voice seemed soft. "I'm sorry, I am. I'll try to fix up my mess and be nicer towards you next time," she sighed. Tara seemed genuine, but I wasn't entirely sure.

"I forgive you." I answered after a while. Forgiveness was important, after all. I had learned that throughout the years.

She ruffled my hair, it didn't hurt as much. "Thanks, Zephy. So, do you need help with that?" She pointed at the questions again, the ones without an answer. I nodded my head, but looked up still.

"Did Haven- did she tell you? That she wouldn't come?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes as I waited for her answer.

"Zephaniah, if she's sick- she is sick. She will not come to school, not even for this." She said clearly, it sort of hit my sensitivity.

It made me feel ashamed. Of course, she wouldn't come. Why would she? My appearance didn't matter, after all.

Tara had helped me with the lecture, it made me realise that she had meant her apology so maybe from now on, she'd be nice to me at University. Because, once we were at home, surrounded by our family, she'd always change.

She would be the sweet girl I used to know from when we were little. She'd make sure I was fine, that I was comfortable, even when she was a year younger than me. It made me feel extremely confused, but I tried to push the tiring thoughts away when I entered their house.

"Zephaniah, hello, sweetheart. How was Uni?" Aunt Maryum asked, filling my Nike water bottle I had just placed onto the table.

"Good," I blushed lightly, fiddling with my fingers as I looked around me. I wondered where Tara's siblings, my other cousins were. Zarooya was twenty one, Shariq, their brother, was fourteen. Tara was seated onto the couch, she patted the empty spot beside her.

"Come sit, Zeph. Mum will prepare us some snacks," Tara mumbled out, giving me a smile when I did what she told me to. "Want to watch YouTube videos?"

I hummed shortly, slowly wiggling my feet as I was starting to feel comfortable. She placed her phone onto the small table in front of us, against a vase with strongly scented flowers. It made my nose sensitive, but I tried to ignore it.

Tara was snorting, she had put on some comedy show, but I didn't understand the humor. I tried to smile each time she laughed, but in reality, my mind would only try to process their words and find the association with it being funny.

Eventually, aunt Maryum came with some snacks- chocolate chip cookies, cucumber, tomatoes and raisins. Extremely random, if you asked me, but I liked most of it. She handed me a small plate with everything on it.

Moving my tongue around my mouth, I quickly separated everything, not wanting any of it to touch because that'd taste strange. I plucked the chocolate chips out of its cookie, separating it with the baked dough.

First, I ate the dough, then, I ate the chocolate. Save the best for last, dad would say. Too engrossed with my food, I hadn't noticed Shariq sitting down next to me, until he fist- bumped my shoulder.

"Zeph! Have you seen the new fifa already? The newest one came out yesterday, and I bought it right after. There were like fifty people waiting before me, but luckily they still had them when I arrived at the cashier." He beamed, already standing up.

Blinking my eyes a little faster, I swallowed down the raisins and nodded my head, not exactly recalling what he had said. I gave him a small smile, hoping he hadn't asked me something.

"Say that again, Shariq. A little slower," Aunt Maryum said, my eyes glancing at Shariq as he spoke up again.

"Just because he's autistic doesn't mean you have to baby him. He can say things himself if he didn't hear me. Whatever, I'm upstairs. He's never interested in video games, anyway," he mumbled, rolling his eyes after that. Aunt Maryum started scolding him, I felt ashamed.

My cheeks flushed and I started fiddling with my fingers right after, his words stuck in my mind. Truth was, I couldn't bring myself to ask him to repeat it again. People lose their patience when you ask them to say things again, it had happened many times before. It made me feel ashamed for several reasons.

"Don't worry about it, Zeph. Puberty is affecting his mood," Tara rolled her eyes as well, pulling me into a side hug. My body was sensitive at the moment, or maybe my mind was. I didn't really know, but Haven's words flew through my head.

It's okay to say if you don't want it.

"Tara I- I do not want you to hug me," I brought out, trying to get away from her grip. Telling family members what I wanted or didn't want, didn't scare me as much as telling people outside my family that- but since Tara could have rather harsh comments- which she didn't always mean, her own words- I was sometimes afraid of telling her.

Tara let go of me and smiled lightly, focusing back on her screen. "Why don't you want to cuddle anymore? Do you remember when we used to cuddle in aunt Trisha's bed when we used to sleep over together?"

Things change, Tara. So did you.

I didn't answer with words, I simply shrugged, looking back at her phone screen. We had watched about twenty other videos and I'd almost fallen asleep on their couch- until their loud doorbell rang.

"Hannah and Zayn!" Tara jumped up, startling me. She'd opened the door before I had even stood up- and when I saw them some sort of relief flew through my body. No place was safer than my parents- I'd only truly feel like myself around them. I didn't have to try so hard to be someone I wasn't, because they loved me for the person I was.

"Dad," I smiled when I saw him and let him kiss my forehead, mum kissing my cheek.

"Hi, Zephaniah," They both smiled at me and greeted aunt Maryum after that, talking about the doctors, perhaps. Though, my eyes fell onto something mum was holding instead, their voices still present, even though their words didn't process in my mind.

I sat back down onto the couch and watched them as they sat down as well, their eyes on me. "Zeph, we've got this photo for you. Do you want to keep it?" Dad asked, handing me a brand new ultrasound of the baby. "It's going well with the baby," he informed.

"Okay," I whispered, eyeing the photo of my brother or sister. I couldn't really make out a thing, but that was probably the amazing thing about pregnancy. How something so tiny, could grow into a human, a daughter or son, a brother or sister. Their baby.

I suddenly felt empty.

~~~

Tara's behaviour towards Zephaniah? Do you think it all has a reason?

Zephaniah forgiving Tara so fast?

The baby?

If you liked it don't be shy to vote, comment.. let me know your feedback! Much appreciated X

Info;

Sensory differences

Many people on the autism spectrum have difficulty processing everyday sensory information. Any of the senses may be over- or under-sensitive, or both, at different times. These sensory differences can affect behaviour, and can have a profound effect on a person's life.

When it comes to over sensitivity, you can think of this;

- Touch can be painful and uncomfortable - people may not like to be touched and this can affect their relationships with others. For Zephaniah, it depends on his day. He can handle much more stimulus on good days, therefore is able to handle touch much better and be affectionate.

- Dislikes having anything on hands or feet. Socks! When it comes to Zeph.

- May find many food textures uncomfortable. As mentioned in the other book, Zeph dislikes specific foods.

- Only tolerates certain types of clothing or textures. I'm sure this will be noticed further in the book.

If you have any questions about Zephaniah and his autism/ or autism alone, feel free to ask!!