Zephaniah

"Zeph," Dad's soft voice rang through my head, slightly waking me up from my deep slumber. "Zeph, are you getting out of bed?"

Opening my eyes, I wiped my mouth before I rolled onto my back and tiredly stared at Dad, them squinting slightly as the bright sun shone right into them.

"We're having breakfast in a bit with mum, okay?" dad said slowly, giving me time to process as it went even slower in the morning, my mind needing to wake up properly too.

Pressing my palms to my eyes, I slowly rubbed them, a deep, sleepy sigh leaving my slightly parted lips. "Now?"

"As soon as you're ready, Zeph." He said quietly, giving me a warm smile before leaving my room and closing the door.

Stretching myself out, I heard a few bones snap, making me cringe. Yawning about three times after that, I sleepily sat up and glanced down at Cooper, who only stared at me with his brown eyes.

I frowned a little, as Cooper was usually extremely enthusiastic once I had woken up. Lying down onto my stomach again, I slightly slid off my bed, my nose almost pressing on his. "Did I do something wrong, Coop?" I whispered, observing his behaviour.

Once I was fully out of bed, I wrapped my arms around his neck but scrunched up my nose once a strong smell hit me. It was urine, definitely urine.

Glancing at myself, I was relieved once it was confirmed it wasn't me- a seizure could make me do that, after all.

"Shit," I cursed, motioning for Cooper to stand up. "No, no." I swallowed thickly, staring at the dampness that Cooper had left onto my floor. "Why, Cooper? You never do that."

I was too late with walking him. That was it. It was my fault, the thought finally having dawned to me.

"Sorry, sorry." I frowned, kissing Cooper's head. "I slept in, it's Saturday. I always sleep in on Saturday, you know that- that right?" I asked, desperately wanting to know it wasn't my fault. Or maybe I did want it to be my fault, so I didn't have to worry about his health.

Gulping, I slipped on my denim trousers, traded my sleep sweater for a sand colored one and made my way over to the bathroom. Opening the door, I locked it right after and did my business, washed my face and brushed my teeth, staring at myself through the mirror.

I looked tired, I was tired. My head was pounding and I felt slightly dizzy, not entirely sure why, because I had slept for enough hours. That couldn't be it. Perhaps, it was about Cooper, the whole situation making me feel uneasy. Perhaps, it was about Haven yesterday, the day making me feel slightly disappointed. Perhaps, it were the thoughts of my mum and dad having a baby.

Toothpaste foam collected at the corners of my mouth, making me spit it out and rinse my mouth, drying it with the sleeve of my sweater as I didn't want to touch the towel that was hanging there. Taming some wild strands of hair due to the sleep, I stared at myself, sighing.

My thoughts went back to yesterday, the disheartened feeling coming back right after. What a fool you are, Zeph. Flown away, those first impressions. What would Haven think of me now? I had tried so hard, and even then everything went wrong. I wanted to talk, but the words wouldn't leave my lips for some reasons.

I knew it sometimes gave people the impression that I wasn't listening, or that I was rude and simply kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to talk- but that wasn't the case, not at all. I sometimes didn't answer, because the words would've simply not dawned to me yet, I needed time to process what she was saying, I needed to give it meaning.

Then the answering part, I wanted to talk, but I didn't know what to say. And if I did- something would hold me back. The autism, perhaps, or maybe my insecurity that came with it. I was afraid to say something wrong, to make people think even worse about me than they did in the first place. It was frustrating, I knew those struggles from myself and it hindered so much when it came to contact and socializing.

Shutting off was easier, staying quiet and reserved was easier, observing was much more fun. It was something I had control of, something I was quite good at. Though, talking with Haven had been quite a thing. I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about it, I was just tired.

Stumbling down the stairs with Cooper, I gulped when I saw mum and dad sitting at the table, the both of them looking up at me as I silently sat at the table as well, Cooper lying down at my feet.

Dad didn't seem to notice my nervous behaviour, so as he prayed for our food, I started playing with my crumbs right after, not making any eye contact. Toast with Nutella, like almost every morning. It was probably the most unhealthy breakfast- but delicious. Therefore, I didn't mind.

Though, my appetite wasn't there today, which was rare. I could eat a lot, hungry or not, it'd always get in. Playing with my anti-epileptics, I stared at the chalkiness, almost making me gag because of the sight of it.

Because although I had been used to swallowing them down, they were still the most awful tasting things in the world. If I'd be nauseous in the morning- I'd throw up if my tongue accidentally got a taste of them.

"What's up, Zeph?" Mum asked, making my head shoot up as I was dragged out of my thoughts.

"Headache," I mumbled, my eyes averting to the table, towards my untouched toast with melted Nutella. "Dizzy too, not so hungry."

"How comes?" Mum looked slightly sad, it made me worried about her. What made her sad?

Shrugging, I started playing with some crumbs, neatly shoving them into one line, on the right side of my plate. I opened my small medication box, placed my pills back into it and shoved it away from me, crossing my arms.

"Was it too busy, yesterday?" Dad asked, his eyes trained on mine while he was eating his own prepared breakfast as well.

A soft sigh left my slightly parted lips, a few thoughts crossing my mind. Cooper's health, mama's baby, University, Haven. "Not only.. that." I said quietly, still staring at my plate.

"What else, Zeph?" Baba said softly, clearly encouraging me to speak up, but my sudden tight headache made me flinch, my eyes rolling up almost automatically.

"I need to lie- lie down," I brought out, weakly standing up as I felt my strength fading slowly, something that would happen when I was close to getting a seizure.

Dad shoved his chair back immediately, the loud sound making me cringe, a sudden firm grip on my wrist waking me up from my slight daze. "Come, Zeph."

He brought me over to the couch, but as I rolled onto my stomach and stuffed my arms underneath my body, Dad pulled me back. "You have to sleep on your back, Zephaniah. Seizing on your stomach is dangerous." He frowned.

"I need- I need to sleep on my stomach." I weakly tried to roll back, but Dad held my wrist.

"I'm not going to let you sleep on your stomach, Zeph." He said sternly, my sensitivity being hit right away as I didn't really know how to handle criticism.

"Dad." I choked out, tears brimming at the corner. "I cannot - I cannot breathe when I sleep on my back." I cried silently, trying to push him away, but he was stronger than me- my situation not exactly helping me out.

"Close your eyes, okay? Just close them. You'll be okay. And you're too weak to fight, let it be." Dad laid down a blanket on me, his hand resting on my head for a few seconds long. "Rest up, yeah? We'll talk later."

I didn't answer, I couldn't answer. The exhaustion fully took over, making my eyes close and my mind wander to the deepest unknown.

It was only an hour or so later, when I got woken up by dad, his deep voice shaking me out of my slumber. Opening my eyes in confusion, I silently stared at him for a brief moment, the previous happenings dawning onto me.

"You managed to sleep your headache off a bit, or not?" Dad asked quietly, his eyes standing concerned, though, I didn't really understand why.

Rolling onto my side, I stared at the wall, blinking my eyes a few times before coming to the conclusion that it had indeed decreased a bit. "I guess." A yawn left my mouth, my eyes watering because of it.

"Zeph?"

Turning my head, I glanced at him in response, trying to sit up after Cooper jumped on top of me, trying to lick my face.

"Can we talk?" He sat down beside me, resting his warm hand on my knee once I was sitting up fully.

Running a few fingers through my hair, I pulled my beanie over my head, slowly nodding. "Okay. Did I do- do something wrong?" I nervously nibbled onto my bottom lip, glancing at him before turning my attention back to Cooper, cuddling him close.

"No, not at all. I just want to know how you're doing, like, really doing." Dad sighed softly, his palms rubbed his eyes slowly. I wondered if he was tired. I tried to search for that emotion, perhaps, expression, but I couldn't quite read his face.

I waited for him to look at me, the eye contact I made with him never really bothering me, but it still didn't mean I could look into his eyes for longer than ten seconds, though. Once he did, I probably looked questionable, his soft smile making me feel warm. "So many changes you had to go through the past few weeks. University, mama, Cooper."

He knew me.

"Is University okay, Zeph? Is everything going well?" He wondered, his gaze fixed onto my face, even when I already looked away.

"Is good, baba." I shrugged slowly, searching for words. "I mean, it is hard sometimes, but Haven helps me? With the lectures and all. I did not like that first but she's nice," I said quietly, playing with my fingers.

He nodded, clearly observing my expressions as I felt him staring at me, eyes gazing intensely. "Yeah? Is that okay, now? Mum really didn't mean it in a bad way when she sent Haven to help you, you know? And besides, I think Haven is quite nice as well." He suddenly grinned, making me groan a little.

"Okay," I mumbled, Haven's rosy cheeks appearing in my mind. "Chatty, though. I cannot follow everything. It tires me out, but I don't want it to, dad."

"I know," he patted my knee for a brief moment, gaining my attention. "You know what mum and I always tell you, yeah? It's never bad to ask questions. Maybe you can ask her next time to talk a little slower, or maybe even less. She seems like the girl that would totally understand."

"Okay," I said again, knowing there was no way on earth those words would ever come out of my mouth.

Baba stayed silent for a while, giving my mum a soft smile as she walked down the stairs, touching my cheek for a brief moment after smiling back at dad. "You feeling any better, Zeph?"

I hummed, slowly nodding my head as I looked up at her, my eyes lingering on her stomach for a few seconds. The slight bump was already visible, it made me gulp for unknown reasons. Mum didn't seem to notice as she thoughtfully stared at Cooper.

"Did Cooper urinate in your room?" She asked, making my cheeks heat up right after as I had completely forgotten about that.

Gulping again, my eyes searched for my dog's ones, the brown colour calming me down. "Yes, I'm sorry, mama. Was going to clean it up but- but I forgot-"

"He what?" Dad frowned, looking up at mum, who briefly explained what had happened after that. "Oh, goodness." He mumbled, petting Cooper's head. He wasn't mad, it seemed. "The vet called me when you were asleep, Zephaniah. He told me that they did not find anything odd in the results."

Frowning myself, I uncertainly glanced at baba. "He called you?"

"Yeah, he did. When you were sleeping," he repeated, perhaps, because he thought I hadn't picked up on that.

The thought made me feel upset, as I had specifically told the vet that he could call me, as I knew what he'd be talking about. I wasn't dumb, for the hundredth time. "He was going to call me." I mumbled, my eyes falling onto the pattern of the laminate flooring.

They had changed it last year, and I had disliked it a lot. This pattern was rougher, it was busier, though mum and dad said it was calmer than the previous one. It wasn't, it wasn't at all. The last one had neat and long lines, this one had something that looked like holes of wood, randomly scattered over the light coloured laminate.

"Oh, I'm sorry, bud. He hadn't mentioned anything about it." Baba sighed. I knew he didn't like it for me either, but what could he do about it? It wasn't like he knew what I had told the vet about the calling part.

I didn't want to dwell on it, though my mind wanted to. I was glad when mum went away to do some groceries, my mind wandering away from the thoughts that made me feel upset. At least they hadn't found anything strange. Though, it didn't really calm me. What else could be wrong with him, then?

"Zeph?" Dad said, clearly wanting to talk more, though, tiredness made its way into my head again. I wasn't feeling well, but I wasn't entirely sure why. "How do you feel about the baby?"

My eyes suddenly watered, I just wanted to stop thinking for a day or two. "Mind's full, baba. I cannot think about it, okay." I said honestly, making eye contact for a brief moment.

Baba nodded understandably, pressing his lips to my cheek for a few seconds long, though his eyes had something quite unreadable in them. "I love you, Zephaniah. No matter what."

~~~

Boring.. sorry.

What did you think of Zayn and Zeph? Their conversation?

Do you think he will accept the baby?